KiwDaWabbit: I'm actually pretty embarrassed to type this all out, but at least I'm trying to get some help with them. I've only ever had one meaningful relationship, and I let my disorders get the better of me and I farked it up. In my mid-30's, I'm pretty pissed at myself that I didn't do this in my mid-20's or even sooner
finnished: KiwDaWabbit: I'm actually pretty embarrassed to type this all out, but at least I'm trying to get some help with them. I've only ever had one meaningful relationship, and I let my disorders get the better of me and I farked it up. In my mid-30's, I'm pretty pissed at myself that I didn't do this in my mid-20's or even soonerAdmitting that you have a problem is already a huge step! And trust me, it will get better. Keep on going to therapy, and remember to enjoy yourself once in a while too. You're doing great.
4seasons85!: Ok so asking Farkers for their two cents:My mom explodes into a screaming for whenever things go wrong. Things like her lipstick didn't look right or the Tupperware wasn't put back right. Top of her lungs screaming. I talked to her about it and she thinks is normal. She told me to get used to it if I ever want a reletionship. She is very focused on looks. Sometimes I feel her personality goes from syrupy sweet to sexual in a month. That's as best I can describe her. I know she is unstable but any ideas? My doc said possibly bi-polar?
Bad_Seed: Get a bunch of "symptoms" (i.e. pattens of thought and behaviour) that you decide are "bad" and label them a "disorder". That's how it works. Teh Gay used to be a disorder until the gays got it redefined as a lifestyle choice.
Bender The Offender: kokomo61: I think my sister had it nailed when she said 'Borderline Personality Disorder' is just an excuse for bad behavior.If you can blame it on a 'disorder', then TaDa! No personal responsibility!I've always said BPD is psychiatry's way of calling you an asshole.
elysive: dont think you guys know what BPD is or maybe you just dont know any BPD people. Im pretty sure you cant rely on a BPD person to dilligently take responsibility for their own drama and problems whether they've been given a diagnosis or not.I think BPD ppl are scary to get into relationships with, but i wouldnt call them all assholes. Some are, but you dont need a mental illness to be an asshole. People with personality disorders are likely just fractured people who quite probably will never find cures for their problems. Be thankful you dont have such a disorder (if you dont).
cryinoutloud: finnished: Not necessarily. They can certainly know that they're acting wrong. Remember feelings come from thoughts.Like when I was suffering from depression, my thoughts kept repeating things that made me feel depressed. I did realize this, but had no idea how to make it stop.And sometimes a person with a personality disorder can realize that something is wrong, or that they are acting wrong. And that in turn, can make them feel depressed.My ex did not, although he was a pretty bad case. He had psychotic breaks, and even when he didn't, he could re-write events so quickly and so well that he really never knew when he did anything wrong. he beat the crap out of me once, and by the time the police arrived, he'd already re-written it so that it was mostly my fault, and even if he did hit me, I goaded him into it, and it was all my fault anyway, since i was going to take the kid and leave the country, and well, a man loses control (I'm sure those of you with psycho exes know this story.)The way my shrink explained it (who also tried to manipulate my ex, but failed), people with personality disorders feel so badly when they do something wrong--I mean, so, so badly that they might kill themselves--that their brains will re-write anything to make it so that they are not at fault. This makes sense, since a lot of people think that personality disorders are caused by abuse and shaming kids when they are very young. They develop a defense mechanism so that they never have to feel that shame anymore, and it's a good one--they're usually farked for life. On the other hand, they feel shame and worthlessness constantly, since their parents farked them up, and that's why it's a tricky thing to tell them that they have a serious mental disorder--most of the time, it just isn't done. They get diagnosed with depression or anxiety or something so they'll come to counseling, but they don't get told that they have a personality disorder.I don't claim to understand it all ...
unchellmatt: kokomo61: I think my sister had it nailed when she said 'Borderline Personality Disorder' is just an excuse for bad behavior.If you can blame it on a 'disorder', then TaDa! No personal responsibility!Check out the Wiki page on BPD. So help be $DEITY, it's almost word for word my ex-GF as far as actions and history; Childhood environment, alcohol abuse, eating disorder, impulsiveness, staggeringly concerned with how people treated her and making sure everyone took her "into consideration" on every little issue, etc. I mean down to nearly the last it describes her.
SnoopDOhDubbaGee: Clemkadidlefark:/once is happenstance//twice is coincidence///three time is enemy actionHolmesThat's one of the quotes I live my life by. It's Ian Fleming though, not Conan Doyle. I offer this correction with 0% snark. Just sayin.
Cup_O_Jo: cryinoutloud: FarkinHostile: kokomo61: ....and I know what it's like to be married to someone with BPD. It IS an excuse.Bingo./Divorced her when she refused to go to counselingI have no problem with you guys divorcing your loony ex (I divorced mine too) but it's not just an "excuse." It's how they think, it's how their brains are wired. When they appear to have no idea how they have hurt or offended you, they really don't. Their brains don't work right. You can't just say, "well, they don't want to take responsibility for their actions." They don't know how--they don't even know what it means, or how you'd go about doing something like that.And therapy, unless they're a very mild case, doesn't work. (And even if they are capable of change, it takes years and years of very hard work, something that people with PDs don't like, because, of course--none of it is their fault!) Skip the therapy and just dump them.Hell, my shrink told me not only that he couldn't work with my ex, he said that he couldn't even tell him that he had a mental disorder--it would cause a psychotic break and put us in more danger. Because they really do not know that there's anything wrong with them. It would be like me coming up to you and saying, "Hey guys, guess what--you have a serious mental disorder, and all those bad things that keep happening to you? You did it all. Everyone hates you, and they have good reasons for it."So fine if you booted these people from your life, but it's a little more complicated than they just don't want to take responsibility for themselves.ALL OF THIS. Now imagine it's your Mom or your sister or brother. It's amazing how many psychiatrist will not DIAGNOSE them because it may cause a psychotic break. Well ya know what. Maybe that psychotic break is what they need.
umad: cryinoutloud: umad: I can't help it. My crazy ex made me this way. It isn't my fault.I called it right the first time--you're an asshole who likes to troll around here and I caught you out the last time you were blithering on about how you were this bad dude who was a bona-fide sociopath, and no one could stop you because you were a sociopath.I am a self-described asshole, so good work on figuring that one out.Maybe you could address the reason you feel the need to do stupid stuff like thatSure. I do it because I like to fark with trailer trash welfare queens who have victim complexes.
SnoopDOhDubbaGee: That's one of the quotes I live my life by. It's Ian Fleming though, not Conan Doyle.
StashMonster: Bender The Offender: kokomo61: I think my sister had it nailed when she said 'Borderline Personality Disorder' is just an excuse for bad behavior.If you can blame it on a 'disorder', then TaDa! No personal responsibility!I've always said BPD is psychiatry's way of calling you an asshole.ALL personality disorders are psychiatry's way of calling you an asshole.My friend is something of an armchair expert due to having done a lot of reading (serious books) and being locked up in a secure hospital for a long time with a bunch of them, and he swears that actually all PDs are forms of psychopath.He really is serious about that, and although I have 2 psych degrees I have to admit that he actually knows more than I do about it.Basically, it is psychiatry's way of saying you are manipulative. Various forms of attention seeking and destructive behaviour patterns. And so on.Quick way to get yourself labelled PD (probably borderline) is to make a suicide attempt, so never do that.
NCg8r: umad: cryinoutloud: umad: I can't help it. My crazy ex made me this way. It isn't my fault.I called it right the first time--you're an asshole who likes to troll around here and I caught you out the last time you were blithering on about how you were this bad dude who was a bona-fide sociopath, and no one could stop you because you were a sociopath.I am a self-described asshole, so good work on figuring that one out.Maybe you could address the reason you feel the need to do stupid stuff like thatSure. I do it because I like to fark with trailer trash welfare queens who have victim complexes.ooooh.... so edgy and hip. I bet you're 4'7" and 87 pounds of "please excuse me, sir" in the Outernet.
No Such Agency: groppet:My brother is going through something like this with his MiL. She is bipolar and has had many violent outbursts. At one I was called over to pick up my niece that was 6 at the time and bring her to my parents. I have never seen that look on her face before it was a confused, scared shiatless look. She latched on to me and was so happy she made it to my parents. My brother and his wife have banned the MiL from the house if she is off her meds and once even just told her to not bother ever coming over. But recently "God healed her" and she has been back over to the house. Im lucky I get to avoid her. My SiL brother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I think within the last 5 years. Its been odd seeing the transformation he has made. He quit drinking which for his condition is fine, but he is taking the train to crazy town with his mom. He was teaching at a religious school and quit because they didnt teach enough Jesus. He annouced he is no longer celebrating christmas for whatever reason. I think he is a few years away from joing some cult, heading to the middle of nowhere and do a Waco style compound. I worry for my brother and his family at times.When my wife recently told me that some people use prayer to manage their anxiety (as an atheistic Buddhist, she wasn't endorsing it, mind you), this is the sort of thing I couldn't help wondering about. Because IMO there's a fine line between "looking to a higher power to give you strength to manage your issues" and "piling religious weirdness on TOP of your issues until you have a whole stinking pile that allows you to act crazy, justify it, and rebuke any attempts to give you insight as 'satanic' or whatnot".
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