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(Huffington Post)   Five things most people don't know about the Bible. Like the time Jesus and Buddha piloted a giant robot to fight off an invasion of Cat Girls from Mars   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 50
    More: Interesting, Bibles, Jesus Is, common misconceptions, Hebrew Bible, book collector, parables, retributive justice, Deuteronomy  
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18632 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2012 at 9:40 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-11-26 11:26:25 PM  
6 votes:
Most Christians today treat the Bible like the Terms of Agreement page on a software license: They don't read it, they just skip to the bottom and click "I Agree".
2012-11-26 10:13:08 PM  
4 votes:

GungFu: Mary was raped by God and people are ok with this?


Yahweh drowned nearly everyone on the planet, pregnant women and babies included, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh deprived Pharoah of the free will to free the Jewish people even though he wanted to, and then punished the Egyptian people with a series of horrific plagues for it, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh slaughtered all the first born children of Egypt--little babies included--and people are ok with this?

The Israelites prayed because too many of them were dying, so Yahweh punished them by sending a plague that killed 14,000 more of them, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh allows the Israelites to slaughter all of the Midianites, except for the virgins, who they are allowed to rape as spoils of war, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh tacitly approves of slavery, and people are ok with this?

Elisha used Yahweh's power to cause bears to rip 42 children to shreds for calling him "baldy," and people are ok with this?

Yahweh demands human sacrifice, and people are ok with this?

No wonder that son of a b*tch didn't want us knowing good from evil.
2012-11-26 10:00:06 PM  
4 votes:

6) Catholic religion is based on a mistranslation. The Septuagint scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin". It was an easy mistake to make because there was only a subtle difference in the spelling.

So, they came up with a prophecy: "Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear us a son." You understand? It was "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not everyday a virgin conceives and bears a son.


But leave that for a couple of hundred years to stew and next thing you know you have the Holy Catholic Church.

2012-11-26 10:12:18 PM  
2 votes:

James F. Campbell: You're a sick, sick man.


Hey, I'm not the one who wrote it!

GentDirkly: For instance, Genesis 1 vs Genesis 2.


No, I can't spank it to those. BOOOOOOORING. Let's go back to the Song of Solomon. Or let's skip ahead to Genesis 19. That's where it starts getting kinky.
2012-11-26 10:10:35 PM  
2 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


The scary thing is that there are people who actually believe that
2012-11-26 10:04:27 PM  
2 votes:
The character "Yahweh" in the Hebrew Bible should not be confused with the god of western theological speculation (generally referred to as "God"). The attributes assigned to "God" by post-biblical theologians -- such as omniscience and immutability -- are simply not attributes possessed by the character Yahweh as drawn in biblical narratives. Indeed, on several occasions Yahweh is explicitly described as changing his mind, because when it comes to human beings his learning curve is steep. Humans have free will; they act in ways that surprise him and he must change tack and respond. One of the greatest challenges for modern readers of the Hebrew Bible is to allow the text to mean what it says, when what is says flies in the face of doctrines that emerged centuries later from philosophical debates about the abstract category "God."

Some people are even saying Yahweh Elohim is really Satan, and that Christians (and Jews) who worship him as "God" are deceived.

Read the Old Testament. Really, read it with your eyes opened. Then come back and tell me that son of a b*tch isn't a full on, raging clinical psychopath. 

Remember: according to Yahweh Elohim, our first sin was learning the difference between good and evil.

Why do you suppose he didn't want us to know?
2012-11-26 09:54:46 PM  
2 votes:
That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.
2012-11-26 09:53:32 PM  
2 votes:

James F. Campbell: The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.


You can spank it to The Song of Solomon. Ergo, you are wrong.
2012-11-26 09:53:30 PM  
2 votes:
Good evening. Here is the news on Friday, the 27th of Geldof. Archaeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental." The page has been universally condemned by church leaders.
2012-11-26 09:51:15 PM  
2 votes:
The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.
2012-11-26 09:49:19 PM  
2 votes:
An interesting list

Mentioned but did not go into detail on why which books are in the bible and which books are not in the bible (gnostic springs to mind)

These are some good reading:
Gospel of Mary (recovered in 1896)
Gospel of Thomas (versions found in Oxyrhynchus, Egypt in 1898, and again in the Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Truth (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Philip (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Judas (recovered via the antiquities black market in 1983, and then reconstructed in 2006)
2012-11-26 09:44:20 PM  
2 votes:
TFA fails for not mentioning that part in Phillipians where it says you have to kill doctors who do abortions. there's also no mention of the part where it says you have to homeschool your kids so that they know that evolution is a lie that the devil made to push people away from christ.

fail.
2012-11-26 09:27:25 PM  
2 votes:
This article is God's way of testing Her faithful
2012-11-27 10:24:42 AM  
1 votes:

Bungles: I think we're due another Council of Trent bible-editing conference,

I vote taking out Leviticus, and adding the script for that episode of Battlestar when Starbuck dies and has flashbacks to her awesomely creepy mother.

And maybe The Gruffalo.


Keep Leviticus for this:
9 "'When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. 10 Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God.

11 "'Do not steal.

"'Do not lie.

"'Do not deceive one another.

12 "'Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the Lord.

13 "'Do not defraud or rob your neighbor.

"'Do not hold back the wages of a hired worker overnight.

14 "'Do not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block in front of the blind, but fear your God. I am the Lord.

15 "'Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.

16 "'Do not go about spreading slander among your people.

"'Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the Lord.

17 "'Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt.

18 "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

But bear in mind that Leviticus was likely never intended to be interpreted as inspirational literature. It is legal/regulatory code from a particular people of a particular time.
2012-11-27 06:42:15 AM  
1 votes:
#1,201,952: The plagues and exodus of Egypt apparently went on completely unnoticed by the Egyptians.
2012-11-27 12:32:33 AM  
1 votes:

FizixJunkee: Acharne: That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.

Agreed.

I liked #3:

The Hebrew Bible is not a timeless or eternal work that stands outside the normal processes of literary production. Its books emerged from specific times and places. Reading the Bible alongside parallel materials from the many cultures of the Ancient Near East shows the deep indebtedness of the biblical authors to the literary heritage of the Ancient Near East. The ancient Israelites borrowed and adapted literary motifs and conventions from their larger cultural context and an awareness of those motifs and conventions produces richer, more coherent readings of the biblical text than are otherwise possible.


Kind of like how the high points of the New Testament's life story for Jesus is strikingly similar to the Egyptian stories about Horus?
2012-11-27 12:16:26 AM  
1 votes:
Entered this thread for pics of catgirls.
Leaving disappointed. :(
2012-11-26 11:59:31 PM  
1 votes:

GungFu: Mary was raped by God and people are ok with this?


Some Christians argue that Mary in stating (paraphrasing alert) "Let it be as you have said." gives consent.

Islam takes a slightly different view. The spirit of the Lord makes no physical contact with Mary. Rather, Genesis and the "Let there be ... " command is echoed. I have copied the following from islaam.net.

The Qur'anic account of Isa (Jesus, Peace be upon him ) starts with the conception of his mother, Maryam (Mary, peace be upon her), whose mother, the wife of Imran, vowed to dedicate her child to the service of God in the temple. When Maryam (Peace be upon her) became a woman, the Spirit (the angel Jibraîl ) appeared to her as a man bringing her the news of a son. We read the following dialogue in the Qur'an between Maryam (Peace be upon her) and the angel:
"When the angels said: 'O Mary! Allah gives thee glad tidings of a Word from Him, whose name is the Messiah, Jesus, Peace be upon him son of Mary, illustrious in the world and the Hereafter, and one of those brought near (unto Allah). He will speak unto mankind in his cradle and in his manhood, and he will be of the righteous.' She said: 'My Lord! How can I have a child when no mortal has touched me?' He said: 'So (it will be). Allah creates what He will. If He decrees a thing, He says unto it only: "Be!" and it is.'"(Ali-Imran, 3:45-47)

Personally, I prefer the account given in the Quran. It's just a quirk of mine.
2012-11-26 11:47:18 PM  
1 votes:
Nothing can beat Mecha-Shiva

www.venturefans.org
media.tumblr.com

/Mecha-Shiva! Mecha-Shiva! Mecha-Shiva!
2012-11-26 11:41:39 PM  
1 votes:
RULE # 1 about the Bible:

If you want to "believe it", DON'T READ IT!!!


/And that's the God's honest truth
2012-11-26 11:15:45 PM  
1 votes:

Gyrfalcon: RoyFokker'sGhost: AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.

Mighty fine work for a guy with a serious case of teh ghey, like King Jimmy had, isn't it?

/James was a Biblical scholar and did quite a few of the translations himself.

You're thinking of the wrong James, methinks. James I wasn't the butthole surfer.


From the all-knowing, all-seeing Wiki...

Throughout his life James had close relationships with male courtiers, which has caused debate among historians about their nature.[126] After his accession in England, his peaceful and scholarly attitude contrasted strikingly with the bellicose and flirtatious behaviour of Elizabeth,[126] as indicated by the contemporary epigram Rex fuit Elizabeth, nunc est regina Jacobus (Elizabeth was King, now James is Queen).[127] Some of James's biographers conclude that Esmé Stewart (later Duke of Lennox), Robert Carr (later Earl of Somerset), and George Villiers (later Duke of Buckingham) were his lovers.[128] Restoration of Apethorpe Hall, undertaken in 2004-08, revealed a previously unknown passage linking the bedchambers of James and Villiers.[129] Others argue that the relationships were not sexual.[130] James's Basilikon Doron lists sodomy among crimes "ye are bound in conscience never to forgive", and James's wife Anne gave birth to seven live children, as well as suffering two stillbirths and at least three other miscarriages.[131]

At the very least, he was probably bi. The Duke of Buckingham in particular had a certain hold over James, and many contemporaries reported at the disgusting and fawning nature of James towards him in later years.
2012-11-26 10:56:49 PM  
1 votes:

Fano: Ah, so you've studied the Conclave Bible also


Well, it's in the regular bible also, Genesis 3:22-24 says :

3:22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
3:23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.
3:24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.
2012-11-26 10:52:36 PM  
1 votes:
FTA: " Indeed, on several occasions Yahweh is explicitly described as changing his mind . . ."

But didn't the mythical god (LC intentional) change his mind when he sent Jake down to tell us to turn the other cheek?
2012-11-26 10:52:02 PM  
1 votes:

OnlyM3: First line
Correction #1

The Hebrew Bible is not a book. It was not produced by a single author in one time and place
If that's how stupid you start your derp, I'm not going to bother with the rest of your idiotic ramblings.


/not sure if serious
2012-11-26 10:41:56 PM  
1 votes:

Free Range Fetus Farmer: bugontherug: The character "Yahweh" in the Hebrew Bible should not be confused with the god of western theological speculation (generally referred to as "God"). The attributes assigned to "God" by post-biblical theologians -- such as omniscience and immutability -- are simply not attributes possessed by the character Yahweh as drawn in biblical narratives. Indeed, on several occasions Yahweh is explicitly described as changing his mind, because when it comes to human beings his learning curve is steep. Humans have free will; they act in ways that surprise him and he must change tack and respond. One of the greatest challenges for modern readers of the Hebrew Bible is to allow the text to mean what it says, when what is says flies in the face of doctrines that emerged centuries later from philosophical debates about the abstract category "God."

Some people are even saying Yahweh Elohim is really Satan, and that Christians (and Jews) who worship him as "God" are deceived.

Read the Old Testament. Really, read it with your eyes opened. Then come back and tell me that son of a b*tch isn't a full on, raging clinical psychopath. 

Remember: according to Yahweh Elohim, our first sin was learning the difference between good and evil.

Why do you suppose he didn't want us to know?

Well he also kicked us out of Eden so we couldn't get at the Tree of Life. Knowledge + Immortality = a god in in the writers' eyes.


Ah, so you've studied the Conclave Bible also
2012-11-26 10:38:03 PM  
1 votes:
A couple billion people sure will be embarrassed when they find out there was a slight misunderstanding a few thousand years ago and they realize how silly they've been this whole time. We'll all have a good laugh about it in the morning.
2012-11-26 10:32:53 PM  
1 votes:

bugontherug: The character "Yahweh" in the Hebrew Bible should not be confused with the god of western theological speculation (generally referred to as "God"). The attributes assigned to "God" by post-biblical theologians -- such as omniscience and immutability -- are simply not attributes possessed by the character Yahweh as drawn in biblical narratives. Indeed, on several occasions Yahweh is explicitly described as changing his mind, because when it comes to human beings his learning curve is steep. Humans have free will; they act in ways that surprise him and he must change tack and respond. One of the greatest challenges for modern readers of the Hebrew Bible is to allow the text to mean what it says, when what is says flies in the face of doctrines that emerged centuries later from philosophical debates about the abstract category "God."

Some people are even saying Yahweh Elohim is really Satan, and that Christians (and Jews) who worship him as "God" are deceived.

Read the Old Testament. Really, read it with your eyes opened. Then come back and tell me that son of a b*tch isn't a full on, raging clinical psychopath. 

Remember: according to Yahweh Elohim, our first sin was learning the difference between good and evil.

Why do you suppose he didn't want us to know?


Well he also kicked us out of Eden so we couldn't get at the Tree of Life. Knowledge + Immortality = a god in in the writers' eyes.
2012-11-26 10:31:43 PM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


Mighty fine work for a guy with a serious case of teh ghey, like King Jimmy had, isn't it?

/James was a Biblical scholar and did quite a few of the translations himself.
2012-11-26 10:28:58 PM  
1 votes:
You have not experienced the Gospel of Luke until you have read it in the original Klingon.
2012-11-26 10:25:45 PM  
1 votes:

bugontherug: GungFu: Mary was raped by God and people are ok with this?

Yahweh drowned nearly everyone on the planet, pregnant women and babies included, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh deprived Pharoah of the free will to free the Jewish people even though he wanted to, and then punished the Egyptian people with a series of horrific plagues for it, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh slaughtered all the first born children of Egypt--little babies included--and people are ok with this?

The Israelites prayed because too many of them were dying, so Yahweh punished them by sending a plague that killed 14,000 more of them, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh allows the Israelites to slaughter all of the Midianites, except for the virgins, who they are allowed to rape as spoils of war, and people are ok with this?

Yahweh tacitly approves of slavery, and people are ok with this?

Elisha used Yahweh's power to cause bears to rip 42 children to shreds for calling him "baldy," and people are ok with this?

Yahweh demands human sacrifice, and people are ok with this?

No wonder that son of a b*tch didn't want us knowing good from evil.


Not to mention all knowing smarty pants God created Satan, be he had NO idea dude was going to go full retard on all his peeps.
2012-11-26 10:20:37 PM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


Ah, you must work for Jack Chick Ministries. You forgot "Even the Hebrew texts translated to create the King James version are the work of Satan."
2012-11-26 10:12:49 PM  
1 votes:
I knew all that already.

But then, I read a lot.
2012-11-26 10:11:46 PM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


So as long as it is in English and is the King James version it is divinely inspired but all other version in any other language are the works of Satan? Is this really what you are saying?
2012-11-26 10:10:51 PM  
1 votes:
He Brew and the Gospel of the Universe.

I am Adam, prince of Earth and defender of the secrets of The Tree of Life.
This is Eve, my fearless friend.

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic rib and said, "By the power of YAHWEH!

I have the power!"
2012-11-26 10:10:33 PM  
1 votes:
The character "Yahweh" in the Hebrew Bible should not be confused with the god of western theological speculation (generally referred to as "God").

In fact, he was a powerful space alien who enjoyed treated a whole group of people as his own private ant farm.
2012-11-26 10:09:54 PM  
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
2012-11-26 10:06:28 PM  
1 votes:
I'm a non-believing heretic, but I love the King James Bible. If you like a good story and a good turn of phrase, the King James Bible is your book.

In a preface to one of his books - one I've since lost or permanently lent out, and I can't remember which, Hunter S. Thompson explained why so many of his stories begin with quotes from the King James. He explained that 1) he often wrote while staying at a hotel, didn't have any of his own books, but his hotel kindly provided some reading; and 2) it's such wonderful writing. Any of you Farkers know which HST work I'm referring to? Seems to me it was something from the late 80s or early 90s.
2012-11-26 10:05:05 PM  
1 votes:
s3.mangareader.net
orangelic.files.wordpress.com
24.media.tumblr.com
24.media.tumblr.com 
25.media.tumblr.com
2012-11-26 10:02:45 PM  
1 votes:
Mary was raped by God and people are ok with this?

And answer me this:

If God is all knowing and that man has no free will and all that shiat, then how come he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son as a test of faith?
Did he not know the answer already? And if not, then it shows that God gave man free will, which means he made people atheists and believers of other religions.
So, basically, Christians, what the fark are you on about. Blame God , you coont, for making people non-believers. Or something something, I'm tired.
2012-11-26 09:58:13 PM  
1 votes:
Cat Girls from Mars? Are they associated with The Leather Goddesses of Phobos?
2012-11-26 09:57:44 PM  
1 votes:

Acharne: That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.


Agreed.

I liked #3:

The Hebrew Bible is not a timeless or eternal work that stands outside the normal processes of literary production. Its books emerged from specific times and places. Reading the Bible alongside parallel materials from the many cultures of the Ancient Near East shows the deep indebtedness of the biblical authors to the literary heritage of the Ancient Near East. The ancient Israelites borrowed and adapted literary motifs and conventions from their larger cultural context and an awareness of those motifs and conventions produces richer, more coherent readings of the biblical text than are otherwise possible.
2012-11-26 09:57:42 PM  
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.
2012-11-26 09:52:29 PM  
1 votes:

JohnCarter: These are some good reading:


Although each of these bring their own historical issues regarding veracity. However, considering the earliest written gospels date roughly 50 years after the events described likely occurred- well, that's 50 years of oral tradition. The contradictions between the gospels are enough to show how quickly stories drift.
2012-11-26 09:52:27 PM  
1 votes:
I'd actually enjoy a bible that resembles the headline.
2012-11-26 09:51:06 PM  
1 votes:

JohnCarter: An interesting list

Mentioned but did not go into detail on why which books are in the bible and which books are not in the bible (gnostic springs to mind)

These are some good reading:
Gospel of Mary (recovered in 1896)
Gospel of Thomas (versions found in Oxyrhynchus, Egypt in 1898, and again in the Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Truth (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Philip (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Judas (recovered via the antiquities black market in 1983, and then reconstructed in 2006)


those would be candidates for the new testament, not the hebrew bible.
2012-11-26 09:50:35 PM  
1 votes:
#6 - Most of the Bible is complete bullshiat and should not be taken seriously.
2012-11-26 09:49:11 PM  
1 votes:
#0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.
2012-11-26 09:48:56 PM  
1 votes:

Indubitably: To singularity


*)
2012-11-26 09:47:57 PM  
1 votes:
To singularity
2012-11-26 09:44:22 PM  
1 votes:
Correction #6: The Hebrew Bible is not non-fiction.
 
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