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(Huffington Post)   Five things most people don't know about the Bible. Like the time Jesus and Buddha piloted a giant robot to fight off an invasion of Cat Girls from Mars   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 168
    More: Interesting, Bibles, Jesus Is, common misconceptions, Hebrew Bible, book collector, parables, retributive justice, Deuteronomy  
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18629 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2012 at 9:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-26 09:27:25 PM  
This article is God's way of testing Her faithful
 
2012-11-26 09:41:02 PM  
To read
 
2012-11-26 09:41:05 PM  
biatches don't know about bible's dick.
 
2012-11-26 09:42:48 PM  
Yuh huh, I totally know that part, heriticmitter.
 
2012-11-26 09:43:14 PM  
subby: Pics or it didn't happen. I demand proof!
 
2012-11-26 09:43:38 PM  
whar book of Eve? WHAR?
 
2012-11-26 09:44:20 PM  
TFA fails for not mentioning that part in Phillipians where it says you have to kill doctors who do abortions. there's also no mention of the part where it says you have to homeschool your kids so that they know that evolution is a lie that the devil made to push people away from christ.

fail.
 
2012-11-26 09:44:22 PM  
Correction #6: The Hebrew Bible is not non-fiction.
 
2012-11-26 09:44:23 PM  
I knew all of those. I also know that the evangelical American's who can be so troublesome don't put much stock in the old testament, except the parts they agree with, many of which they think are in the new testament.
 
2012-11-26 09:47:13 PM  
Like, Everything?
 
2012-11-26 09:47:25 PM  
One would almost think they're referring to it as the "Hebrew Bible" to confuse Christians.

I can almost picture Bubba the Christian saying "That ain't my Bible, I ain't no Heeee-Breeeeww"
 
2012-11-26 09:47:57 PM  
To singularity
 
2012-11-26 09:48:56 PM  

Indubitably: To singularity


*)
 
2012-11-26 09:48:57 PM  
Most people are apparently pretty stupid.

/already knew that
 
2012-11-26 09:49:11 PM  
#0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.
 
2012-11-26 09:49:19 PM  
An interesting list

Mentioned but did not go into detail on why which books are in the bible and which books are not in the bible (gnostic springs to mind)

These are some good reading:
Gospel of Mary (recovered in 1896)
Gospel of Thomas (versions found in Oxyrhynchus, Egypt in 1898, and again in the Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Truth (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Philip (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Judas (recovered via the antiquities black market in 1983, and then reconstructed in 2006)
 
2012-11-26 09:50:35 PM  
#6 - Most of the Bible is complete bullshiat and should not be taken seriously.
 
2012-11-26 09:50:59 PM  
Boooorrrinnnnggggg
 
2012-11-26 09:51:04 PM  
Hopefully talks about the prophet Elisha summoning shebears to eat children that called him "baldy:n or anything about tubby commie Jesus.

Really, any of the good stuff from Ken's Guide to the Bible.

Poor Uzzah, he only meant to keep the Ark from touching the ground, how was he to know it was a magical murderbox?
 
2012-11-26 09:51:06 PM  

JohnCarter: An interesting list

Mentioned but did not go into detail on why which books are in the bible and which books are not in the bible (gnostic springs to mind)

These are some good reading:
Gospel of Mary (recovered in 1896)
Gospel of Thomas (versions found in Oxyrhynchus, Egypt in 1898, and again in the Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Truth (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Philip (Nag Hammadi Library)
Gospel of Judas (recovered via the antiquities black market in 1983, and then reconstructed in 2006)


those would be candidates for the new testament, not the hebrew bible.
 
2012-11-26 09:51:15 PM  
The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.
 
2012-11-26 09:52:15 PM  

Fano: Hopefully talks about the prophet Elisha summoning shebears to eat children that called him "baldy:n or anything about tubby commie Jesus.

Really, any of the good stuff from Ken's Guide to the Bible.

Poor Uzzah, he only meant to keep the Ark from touching the ground, how was he to know it was a magical murderbox?

To Sumerian

 
2012-11-26 09:52:27 PM  
I'd actually enjoy a bible that resembles the headline.
 
2012-11-26 09:52:29 PM  

JohnCarter: These are some good reading:


Although each of these bring their own historical issues regarding veracity. However, considering the earliest written gospels date roughly 50 years after the events described likely occurred- well, that's 50 years of oral tradition. The contradictions between the gospels are enough to show how quickly stories drift.
 
2012-11-26 09:53:30 PM  
Good evening. Here is the news on Friday, the 27th of Geldof. Archaeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon dated in Bonn. If genuine it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental." The page has been universally condemned by church leaders.
 
2012-11-26 09:53:32 PM  

James F. Campbell: The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.


You can spank it to The Song of Solomon. Ergo, you are wrong.
 
2012-11-26 09:54:46 PM  
That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.
 
2012-11-26 09:55:03 PM  

t3knomanser: You can spank it to The Song of Solomon. Ergo, you are wrong.


You're a sick, sick man.

wildcardjack: I'd actually enjoy a bible that resembles the headline.


Oh, you must be talking about the New-Century Gospel.

/Obscure?
 
2012-11-26 09:55:54 PM  

Professor M: Friday, the 27th of Geldof


Nice Red Dwarf throwback...

/I miss Red Dwarf
//Lister's paranoia was funny as hell
 
2012-11-26 09:56:24 PM  
I am reminded of "Saint Young Men". Amusing manga concept, that.
 
2012-11-26 09:57:30 PM  

95629: Boooorrrinnnnggggg


That's a goddamned useless post. Almost as goddamned useless as thi......
 
2012-11-26 09:57:42 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.
 
2012-11-26 09:57:44 PM  

Acharne: That was a terrific article. I really liked this part from it:

"Just as an attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the short stories collected in the Norton Anthology of English Literature would do great violence to those stories, any attempt to impose harmony and consistency on the diverse books collected in the Bible -- to extract a single message or truth -- does great violence to those books."

Good find subby. Thank you.


Agreed.

I liked #3:

The Hebrew Bible is not a timeless or eternal work that stands outside the normal processes of literary production. Its books emerged from specific times and places. Reading the Bible alongside parallel materials from the many cultures of the Ancient Near East shows the deep indebtedness of the biblical authors to the literary heritage of the Ancient Near East. The ancient Israelites borrowed and adapted literary motifs and conventions from their larger cultural context and an awareness of those motifs and conventions produces richer, more coherent readings of the biblical text than are otherwise possible.
 
2012-11-26 09:58:13 PM  
Cat Girls from Mars? Are they associated with The Leather Goddesses of Phobos?
 
2012-11-26 09:59:05 PM  
"...and then the sky rose like a light shone through petals of some flower briefly, until the sun shone, illuminating a lone man, pariah, walking..."

"He raised his fist into the light, 'I am.'"
 
2012-11-26 09:59:16 PM  

schnee: Cat Girls from Mars? Are they associated with The Leather Goddesses of Phobos?


Need pics
 
2012-11-26 09:59:21 PM  

12349876: I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.


Because Jesus spoke with a British accent.
 
2012-11-26 10:00:06 PM  

6) Catholic religion is based on a mistranslation. The Septuagint scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin". It was an easy mistake to make because there was only a subtle difference in the spelling.

So, they came up with a prophecy: "Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear us a son." You understand? It was "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not everyday a virgin conceives and bears a son.


But leave that for a couple of hundred years to stew and next thing you know you have the Holy Catholic Church.

 
2012-11-26 10:00:34 PM  
Why would you fight them off!?
 
2012-11-26 10:01:24 PM  

Indubitably: To read


Stop that now. I'm serious. Don't make me stop this car.
 
2012-11-26 10:02:45 PM  
Mary was raped by God and people are ok with this?

And answer me this:

If God is all knowing and that man has no free will and all that shiat, then how come he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son as a test of faith?
Did he not know the answer already? And if not, then it shows that God gave man free will, which means he made people atheists and believers of other religions.
So, basically, Christians, what the fark are you on about. Blame God , you coont, for making people non-believers. Or something something, I'm tired.
 
2012-11-26 10:04:27 PM  
The character "Yahweh" in the Hebrew Bible should not be confused with the god of western theological speculation (generally referred to as "God"). The attributes assigned to "God" by post-biblical theologians -- such as omniscience and immutability -- are simply not attributes possessed by the character Yahweh as drawn in biblical narratives. Indeed, on several occasions Yahweh is explicitly described as changing his mind, because when it comes to human beings his learning curve is steep. Humans have free will; they act in ways that surprise him and he must change tack and respond. One of the greatest challenges for modern readers of the Hebrew Bible is to allow the text to mean what it says, when what is says flies in the face of doctrines that emerged centuries later from philosophical debates about the abstract category "God."

Some people are even saying Yahweh Elohim is really Satan, and that Christians (and Jews) who worship him as "God" are deceived.

Read the Old Testament. Really, read it with your eyes opened. Then come back and tell me that son of a b*tch isn't a full on, raging clinical psychopath. 

Remember: according to Yahweh Elohim, our first sin was learning the difference between good and evil.

Why do you suppose he didn't want us to know?
 
2012-11-26 10:04:39 PM  

revrendjim: Indubitably: To read

Stop that now. I'm serious. Don't make me stop this car.


I am not your child, so please stop the car. If you raise your hand against me, I will teach you shortly why this was an unwise move on your party. I will liberate myself from your embrace, and teach you disgrace, if you need to learn that...?
 
2012-11-26 10:05:05 PM  
s3.mangareader.net
orangelic.files.wordpress.com
24.media.tumblr.com
24.media.tumblr.com 
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-26 10:06:11 PM  

12349876: AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.

I've always wondered why so many Americans put their trust in a British King for their religious text.


So I told that teaching lady the only three letters I need to know are K, J and V.
 
2012-11-26 10:06:28 PM  
I'm a non-believing heretic, but I love the King James Bible. If you like a good story and a good turn of phrase, the King James Bible is your book.

In a preface to one of his books - one I've since lost or permanently lent out, and I can't remember which, Hunter S. Thompson explained why so many of his stories begin with quotes from the King James. He explained that 1) he often wrote while staying at a hotel, didn't have any of his own books, but his hotel kindly provided some reading; and 2) it's such wonderful writing. Any of you Farkers know which HST work I'm referring to? Seems to me it was something from the late 80s or early 90s.
 
2012-11-26 10:06:45 PM  
This is from a Jewish perspective. All five points refute key points in Christian theology. The Christian who doesn't read much may not have noticed these difficult texts, but we have many Theology schools. We have noticed and dealt with the confusing texts each in our own way. Honestly, I invite anyone to read the Bible looking for some of the things he points out. It is not hard to figure out how some superficial contradictions are not contradictions at all. For instance, Genesis 1 vs Genesis 2. New Testament says that all people were known by God before the foundations of the Earth - though obviously we all appear on earth at different times. So it should not be difficult to see why the creation of man comes both before and after that of animals. For some of us, what I just said is deep. For others, it's gobbledygook. That's why Paul talks so much about being elect.
 
2012-11-26 10:07:04 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: #0 The Hebrew Bible is not the final arbiter of what is in the Bible.

The King James version of the Bible translates and corrects many of the supposed "problems" with the original texts. It is the only true divinely inspired Word of God acceptable to today's Christians. Even versions similar to the King James version, such as the New King James version, are corruptions and are the work of Satan.


HA!
 
2012-11-26 10:08:31 PM  

James F. Campbell: The only book of the Bible worth reading -- and even that is stretching it -- is Ecclesiastes.


There is nothing new under the sun.
 
2012-11-26 10:09:54 PM  
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
 
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