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(Pinterest)   "Instead of a guestbook, have each wedding guest highlight their favorite Bible verse and sign their name beside it." Yeah, but what if everyone highlights Revelation or the parts okaying slavery, incest and genocide?   (pinterest.com) divider line 291
    More: Fail, Bibles, Bible verses, genocide, revelations  
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18864 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2012 at 7:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-25 02:41:24 PM
Might be kinda awkward if one of the groom's brothers highlights Deuteronomy 25:5, "If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her"
 
2012-11-25 02:45:54 PM
Then they frequent the Politics tab and/or TFD. What about it?
 
2012-11-25 03:01:50 PM
 
2012-11-25 03:55:56 PM
I'm enough of a biatch that I'd write the lyrics from Pink Floyd's song Sheep in place of the 23rd Psalm. Lines about sharp knives, hooks, and lamb cutlets are terribly romantic.
 
2012-11-25 03:57:22 PM
Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!
 
2012-11-25 03:57:54 PM
I would find something in Deuteronomy about disposing of a rug
 
2012-11-25 04:09:48 PM
I knew there some reason I avoided Pinterest like the plague but I wasn't sure exactly what that reason was until just now.

Thanks, Fark.
 
2012-11-25 04:15:42 PM
i236.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-25 04:21:35 PM
 
2012-11-25 04:27:45 PM
Proverbs 23:27 - For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.
 
2012-11-25 04:28:40 PM

Therion: Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!


Yeah, baby!

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
 
2012-11-25 04:41:47 PM
2 Peter 2:22

I'm a devout Christian and even I think this is a pretty bad idea. Just get a farking guestbook and let people sign that, otherwise you run the risk of goofballs like myself making you regret having ever thought of this.
 
2012-11-25 05:04:13 PM
i1079.photobucket.com
And Whosoever Shall Be Found
Without The Soul For Getting Down
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell
 

Book of Michael
 
2012-11-25 05:06:22 PM
I would do that with my collection of 1980's Hustlers
 
2012-11-25 05:08:25 PM
Just tell them what pars their allowed to quote (believe) like always and no problem
 
2012-11-25 05:17:23 PM
Deuteronomy 24.1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Numbers 5.20-22
...But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have made yourself impure by having sexual relations with a man other than your husband"- here the priest is to put the woman under this curse-"may the Lord cause you to become a curse[d] among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell. May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries."

"'Then the woman is to say, "Amen. So be it."
 
2012-11-25 05:19:55 PM
Since Ezekiel 23:20 is already taken, I'd go with Leviticus's take on shellfish consumption.
 
2012-11-25 05:20:51 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: Exodus 22-18 "Suffer not a Fark Troll to live"


"Kill for Jesus! Kill for Jesus!" - G. Gordon Liddy.
 
2012-11-25 05:37:38 PM
1 Samuel 15:3 "Go, now, attack Amalek, and deal with him and all that he has under the ban. Do not spare him, but kill men and women, children and infants, oxen and sheep, camels and asses."

That really falls under the common sense category, of course, but it's always worth keeping in mind.

Timeless wisdom remains timeless.

*blink*
 
2012-11-25 05:41:41 PM
Only one passage I live my life by. Matthew 25:33-40:

34 "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'
 
2012-11-25 05:53:51 PM
1 Samuel 18

David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.
 
2012-11-25 05:55:13 PM

Therion: Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!


see
10 years of catholic school and NOT ONCE did we ever get taught that part of the bible.
billions of hours in mass, never read that bit.

WHY NOT???
would have at least gotten us to pay more attention
 
2012-11-25 06:20:28 PM

simplicimus: Only one passage I live my life by. Matthew 25:33-40:


Now I feel silly for my contribution.

/Note to self: Never bring chaff to a wheat fight.

Yeah, that's a good one.
 
2012-11-25 06:47:23 PM
Yeah, I'm just commenting so I'll remember to read this later.

/have a feeling it will be entertaining
 
2012-11-25 06:58:55 PM
Song of Solomon 5 Baby!

I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.
2I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night.

3I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them?

4My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

5I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.

6I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.

7The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.

8I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love.

9What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us?

10My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand.

11His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven.

12His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set.

13His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh.

14His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.

15His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.

16His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

You've got all the kink you want. Anal sex. Oral Sex. Foot Fetishism. Scat and Watersports! The bible baby, wholesome family goodness.
 
2012-11-25 07:12:38 PM
The one about going into the enemy's city and bashing out the brains of all the "enemy" infants while taking over the city.
 
2012-11-25 07:13:00 PM
This does not sound like a wedding I'd be interested in attending.
 
2012-11-25 07:13:10 PM
Matthew 21:17

"And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there."

Think about it.
 
2012-11-25 07:13:57 PM
Everyone knows atheism is the easiest religion to troll.

i50.tinypic.com
 
2012-11-25 07:15:54 PM
What's the one about praying in private instead of Tebowing?
 
2012-11-25 07:15:56 PM

Therion: Ezekiel 23:20, biatch!


Beat me to it!
 
2012-11-25 07:16:45 PM
Malachi 2:3

Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
 
2012-11-25 07:18:02 PM
"Jump up, jump up, and get down." -Acts 4:20
 
2012-11-25 07:18:19 PM
if everyone you know has a favorite Bible verse, you might consider expanding your horizons a bit
 
2012-11-25 07:18:58 PM

Hobo Jr.: "Jump up, jump up, and get down." -Acts 4:20


A reading from Everlast to the Bostonians.
 
2012-11-25 07:19:09 PM
What's the one with women whoring it up with black guys that shoot mad loads of horse cum? Cuz I would put that one.
 
2012-11-25 07:19:41 PM

Kumana Wanalaia: Matthew 21:17

"And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there."

Think about it.


Dammit, I just looked that up to post here.
 
2012-11-25 07:19:48 PM
Pick something applicable to the occasion...

Deuteronomy 22:23-24

23 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;

24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.
 
2012-11-25 07:20:33 PM
My sister did this 15 years ago. None of her devout Christian friends knew what to highlight. It was a bizarre scene. All of these people who were telling me, and my kids, that we were going to hell for not following Jesus in they way they thought we should, had no real understanding of the Bible.

John 3:16 had a bunch of signatures. We could have come up with that if only we watched a single NFL game.
 
2012-11-25 07:21:52 PM
Yeah, I'd like to see subby cite word for word the verses that mention slavery or incest.
 
2012-11-25 07:22:27 PM

Hobo Jr.: "Jump up, jump up, and get down." -Acts 4:20


it doesn't say that!
 
2012-11-25 07:22:43 PM

Kumana Wanalaia: What's the one about praying in private instead of Tebowing?


Matthew 6:5-8

5 "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.


I'd definitely highlight that one.
 
2012-11-25 07:23:19 PM

Hobo Jr.: "Jump up, jump up, and get down." -Acts 4:20


That's the wrong translation. The correct one is "It's just a step to the left, then a jump to right".
 
2012-11-25 07:23:21 PM
"and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions." (Ezekiel 23: 21) Have a great wedding. Love, Gordon Bennett.
 
2012-11-25 07:24:36 PM
No love for Ephesians 5:22?
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord"
 
2012-11-25 07:24:48 PM

jekxrb: Deuteronomy 24.1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Numbers 5.20-22 ...But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have made yourself impure by having sexual relations with a man other than your husband"- here the priest is to put the woman under this curse-"may the Lord cause you to become a curse[d] among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell. May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells or your womb miscarries."

"'Then the woman is to say, "Amen. So be it."


That is farked up. Another reason why I don't do religion
 
2012-11-25 07:25:19 PM
Leviticus 19:28

Since the bride has a tats section on her Pinterest
 
2012-11-25 07:25:58 PM
This suggestion is not my cup of tea, but I don't see that it's a fail. If you don't like it, don't do it.
 
2012-11-25 07:26:00 PM
Anti-religious people are fantastically annoying. Not to be confused with non-religious people.

/thus spaketh the super guru
 
2012-11-25 07:26:13 PM
All the guests should highlight Thou shalt not commit adultery and write the groom's name.
 
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