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(Cracked)   Corporations often create characters like superheroes to help sell their product. Here are the five worst ones ever thought up   (cracked.com) divider line 89
    More: Amusing, Combo Man, Food Lion, truth and justice, PlayStation games, pretzels, company, DeLorean  
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7459 clicks; posted to Business » on 25 Nov 2012 at 6:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



89 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-11-25 04:15:03 PM  
Meh. My favorite is the totally fictional "Dollar Bill" from Watchmen.
 
2012-11-25 04:21:44 PM  
t0.gstatic.com
 
2012-11-25 05:51:45 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-25 06:20:20 PM  
i199.photobucket.com

Wait. What was the question?
 
2012-11-25 06:21:21 PM  
media.giantbomb.com
 
2012-11-25 06:27:53 PM  
As if his mere existence wasn't a clear enough advertisement, several different Marvel series featured mail order coupons for bodacious Combo Man gear that would in no way invite relentless schoolyard beatings. Please note that the T-shirt was only available in XL, which suggests that they knew exactly what type of child would read a comic book about a cheese pretzel superhero.

im pretty sure i had a comboman 10 minute phone card in the 90s
 
2012-11-25 06:32:35 PM  
images.cryhavok.org

My Little Pony is a franchise that has no qualms about exploiting their pedophile audience in order to make quick sales.
 
2012-11-25 06:39:00 PM  
No Johnny Turbo?
sardoose.rustedlogic.net
 
2012-11-25 06:49:12 PM  
Apparently AAU Shuperstar's archenemy is zombie John Lennon.
/imagine there's no brains
 
2012-11-25 06:49:33 PM  
files.qrz.com


1926 called...
 
2012-11-25 06:50:26 PM  
What about :
d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net
 
2012-11-25 06:54:59 PM  

Radak: [i.imgur.com image 250x354]


I actually rather liked the follow up comic series that DC did for a couple of years. They had some nicely done alien characters, like the race that turns into sentient mountains as they age, it kind of unraveled over time, but I think the first 13 issues or so were great. Similarly, Larry Hama threw a lot of details into GI Joe that you don't normally expect to see in a toy tie in series (several of the Joes being Vietnam vets, COBRA being financed though an Amway-like scam, Snake Eyes having his face burned off during Operation Eagle Claw) and generally made the writing much more mature than you'd expect (such has having COBRA get the upper hand often simply by having better lawyers). A lot of 80s comic writers did some interesting stuff with the properties they inherited.
 
2012-11-25 07:01:18 PM  
Pepsi Man? You could do a lot worse.
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-25 07:07:28 PM  
I'll just leave Super Dennis here. From JC Penney.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-25 07:27:08 PM  
Not really a superhero, but MSTies will surely rally to the battle cry...

"NO SPRINGS!!!"
 
2012-11-25 07:31:30 PM  
t1.gstatic.com
 
2012-11-25 07:44:43 PM  
i53.photobucket.com

Look cute! Have fun!
 
2012-11-25 07:45:21 PM  
FTA: The Shuperstar had the ability to detect when evil was "a-foot," disco dance in a track suit and dropkick hobos into space.

In the 70s it was acceptable to use different methods of extermination as an answer to the homeless problem.
 
2012-11-25 08:08:27 PM  
o.aolcdn.com

Lamest one evar.
Cracked has been pathetic for a very long time.
 
2012-11-25 08:11:40 PM  
How to do it right:

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-25 08:27:30 PM  
My brother will be along shortly to complain about our local comic book store putting NFL SuperPro in his folder and trying to convince him to buy it because it was "really good".

/It's been 20+ years and he still holds that grudge.
 
2012-11-25 08:28:54 PM  

Mad_Radhu: Radak: [i.imgur.com image 250x354]

I actually rather liked the follow up comic series that DC did for a couple of years. They had some nicely done alien characters, like the race that turns into sentient mountains as they age, it kind of unraveled over time, but I think the first 13 issues or so were great. Similarly, Larry Hama threw a lot of details into GI Joe that you don't normally expect to see in a toy tie in series (several of the Joes being Vietnam vets, COBRA being financed though an Amway-like scam, Snake Eyes having his face burned off during Operation Eagle Claw) and generally made the writing much more mature than you'd expect (such has having COBRA get the upper hand often simply by having better lawyers). A lot of 80s comic writers did some interesting stuff with the properties they inherited.


True enough, but the whole GI JOE vs COBRA thing was a lot more interesting back in the 1960s when it was
SHIELD vs HYDRA.
 
2012-11-25 08:45:48 PM  
 
2012-11-25 08:52:58 PM  
Anyone who purchased a sippy mug on the PA turnpike or NY throughway is probably familiar with Turnpike Man and Ultra Val.
 
2012-11-25 08:57:27 PM  
fc07.deviantart.net

DUFF MAN wants to know why he has been excluded thus far! EVEN THOUGH he is a Simpsons character.
 
2012-11-25 09:00:27 PM  
Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

www.lolbrary.com

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man
 
2012-11-25 09:00:37 PM  
I'm pretty sure this is my first documented grammar Nazi-ism, but pluralization of "one"? Really? Does it add anything to simply saying "Here are the five worst ever thought up"?
 
2012-11-25 09:05:19 PM  

poorjon: I'm pretty sure this is my first documented grammar Nazi-ism, but pluralization of "one"? Really? Does it add anything to simply saying "Here are the five worst ever thought up"?


Dude, it is Cracked. Nobody there got past 5th grade.



Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man


And I am, amusingly enough, The Naked Photograph!
 
2012-11-25 09:07:39 PM  

Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man


Black Catpillow!
 
2012-11-25 09:09:08 PM  

Balchinian: Dude, it is Cracked. Nobody there got past 5th grade.


It isn't found in TFA.
 
2012-11-25 09:10:13 PM  

Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man


The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right
 
2012-11-25 09:27:15 PM  

Kanemano: Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man

The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right


"Gray wife" or "gray wife on iPhone" yep pretty lame.
 
2012-11-25 09:38:47 PM  
Stan Lee + NHL = Guardian Project

A disaster on every level
 
2012-11-25 09:42:37 PM  

MaxSupernova: Kanemano: Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man

The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right

"Gray wife" or "gray wife on iPhone" yep pretty lame.


Black Pogo Stick
 
2012-11-25 09:49:52 PM  

penthesilea: MaxSupernova: Kanemano: Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man

The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right

"Gray wife" or "gray wife on iPhone" yep pretty lame.

Black Pogo Stick


It didn't say pr0n name.
 
2012-11-25 09:51:06 PM  

Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man


I am the Blue Cat (or the Blue Holden if I use his name)
 
2012-11-25 09:52:47 PM  

Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man


I am the Blue Christmas Tree

man I suck
 
2012-11-25 10:03:57 PM  
The Yellow Headphone over here.

/still more entertaining than TFA
 
2012-11-25 10:09:55 PM  

MaxSupernova: Kanemano: Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man

The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right

"Gray wife" or "gray wife on iPhone" yep pretty lame.


The Brown Mouse.
Not something that will instill fear into the hearts of the evildoers.
 
2012-11-25 10:11:30 PM  
So I guess that makes me the Black section of pvc pipe, duct tape and sea noodle put together in some kind of homemade sword type thing man. Gosh that's a mouthful.
 
2012-11-25 10:12:00 PM  

SearchN: penthesilea: MaxSupernova: Kanemano: Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man

The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right

"Gray wife" or "gray wife on iPhone" yep pretty lame.

Black Pogo Stick

It didn't say pr0n name.


*snerk*

Well if it asked for the object on the right then it would've been Black Mirror.
Less pervy as far as I can tell.
 
2012-11-25 10:12:31 PM  
Behold the power of "THE LIGHT YELLOWISH BLACK CAT!!
 
2012-11-25 10:13:30 PM  

penthesilea: SearchN: penthesilea: MaxSupernova: Kanemano: Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man

The Black (non working) Motherboard

seems about right

"Gray wife" or "gray wife on iPhone" yep pretty lame.

Black Pogo Stick

It didn't say pr0n name.

*snerk*

Well if it asked for the object on the right left then it would've been Black Mirror.
Less pervy as far as I can tell.


*facepalm*
FTFM
 
2012-11-25 10:15:55 PM  
www.teamdepotmichigan.org

Ahem....
 
2012-11-25 10:30:37 PM  
I used to have a copy of the PlayStation Pepsiman game. Good times.

VERY weird game. Goal was to run an obstacle course of city streets to reach a destination with people requiring "refreshment", including one I think that was a building burning down and the occupants needed a pepsi to refresh themselves. Between each level was a video of some overweight American dude in bizarre skits, like one where you're just watching him eat pizza and drink pepsi for a minute, then he says to the camera "Pepsi and pizza for TV Game!"
 
2012-11-25 10:51:12 PM  
The Black End Table.
 
2012-11-25 10:53:19 PM  

Balchinian: [o.aolcdn.com image 240x360]

Lamest one evar.
Cracked has been pathetic for a very long time.


Basically ever since they signed the auto-greenlight deal.
 
2012-11-25 10:55:54 PM  
Tiger and Bunny?

4.bp.blogspot.com

I know.. It was Tigra
 
2012-11-25 11:06:40 PM  

Creoena: Most probably just follow this to create their superhero:

[www.lolbrary.com image 480x520]

/I'm apparently Black Mortgage Bill man


I'm the white stapler
 
2012-11-25 11:30:37 PM  

Shadow Blasko: Tiger and Bunny?

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x400]

I know.. It was Tigra


I now want to track down that author and go Lunatic on him. Listing Tiger & Bunny as one of the worst thought up corporate characters ever shows that the guy hasn't seen any of the series. Tiger and Bunny is actually the best take on western superheroes in the past 20 years, way better than anything Marvel or DC has done.

Everyone else deserves to be on the list, though
 
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