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(CBS Sacramento)   What do a Smith & Wesson .38 revolver and a pumpkin have in common in Stockton, California? Using either one can get you a charge of assault with a deadly weapon   (sacramento.cbslocal.com) divider line 9
    More: Scary, Stockton, deadly weapon, Infraction  
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3552 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Nov 2012 at 2:25 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-11-25 03:16:14 AM  
2 votes:
What are two things that have never been in my kitchen?
2012-11-25 02:43:43 AM  
2 votes:

Awesome T-Shirt: log_jammin: I would just like to say how much I hate web pages that let you read a sentence, then the screen shifts up and down while it loads more ads, making you lose you place, then lets you read an other sentence, then the screen shifts up and down while it loads more ads, making you lose you place, then lets you read an other sentence, then the screen shifts up and down while it loads more ads, making you lose you place....

Get Adblock.


No, it's a story about Stockton. It's dodging.
2012-11-25 08:10:23 AM  
1 votes:
Wow. I definitely can see how they could be charged with assault with a deadly weapon for this. I think there needs to be a chart to let us know at what speeds different kinds of fruits and vegetables cross the threshold from simple assault to assault with a deadly weapon.

Fruits / Vegetables / Tubers= assault with a deadly weapon at listed speeds:
Standing still:
Watermelon, frozen
County Fair Pumpkin, giant
Banana, wielded by self-defense trainee

2MPH:
Durian

10 MPH:
Canteloupe
Honeydew
Watermelon
Pineapple
Pumpkin, head-sized or bigger

20 MPH:
The cute little baby pineapples they sell now
Personal sized watermelons
Grapefruit, sack of
Oranges, sack of
Sweet Potato
Baking potato
New potatoes, sack of
Winter melon


30 MPH:
Richard Simmons

40 MPH:
Clementines, sack of
Cucumber (may also be filed under rape / attempted rape)
Limes, sack of
Lemons, sack of
Turnip, bigger than Baldrick's head

50 MPH:
Eggplant / aubergine
Key Limes, sack of

60 MPH:
Zucchini
Chayote

80 MPH:
Grapefruit
Pears
Apples
Daikon
Black-eyed peas, sack
Dragonfruit
Avocado, unripened
Butternut squash
Cabbage

100 MPH:
Lettuce, iceberg, head of
Artichokes
Oranges
Avocado, ripe
Mangoes
Cauiflower
Beets
Heirloom tomatoes, large
Peaches
Nectarines
Onion

130 MPH:
Elephant garlic, bulb
Broccoli
Bok choy
Carrot, top attached / thinned to provide stability to cause "dart effect"
Grapes, non-seedless, bunch

150:
Star fruits
Carrots
Meyer Lemons
Tangerines
Grapes, seedless, bunch

175 MPH:
Kiwis
Limes
Tomatoes

200 MPH:
Garlic, bulb
Plums
Dates
Loquats

250 MPH:
Apricots
Figs
Lychee

300 MPH:
Elephant garlic, clove
Strawberries
Elderberries
Prunes

400 MPH:
Habanero peppers
Jalapeno peppers
Serrano peppers

Mach 1:
Bing Cherries
Huckleberries
Blackberries

Mach 2:
Blueberries
Jumping bean

Speed of light:
Green pea, single

No limit set:
*Ugli fruits.
†Kumquats

*I encourage the use of the ugli in dispute resolution.
†I encourage the use of Kumquats in drive-by fruitings, mainly because I've always wanted to read about one on Fark. I think the comments section on that event would be sublime.
2012-11-25 05:14:53 AM  
1 votes:

L33t Squirrel: How terrible, a drive-by fruiting. :(

/only in Stockton
//we grow both food and crazy out here


This drive-by gourding scourge has to be smashed immediately.

4.bp.blogspot.com
2012-11-25 04:26:01 AM  
1 votes:
Hey, hey, hey, I had friends on that death star....

www.fantasypumpkins.com
2012-11-25 04:25:56 AM  
1 votes:
Thank god it wasn't a banana.
2012-11-25 04:20:24 AM  
1 votes:
I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .38 Revolver, the oldest handgun in the world, and would maybe blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, pumpkin?
2012-11-25 03:14:44 AM  
1 votes:

L33t Squirrel: How terrible, a drive-by fruiting. :(


at least they didn't have a pointed stick.
2012-11-25 03:01:25 AM  
1 votes:
How terrible, a drive-by fruiting. :(

/only in Stockton
//we grow both food and crazy out here
 
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