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(Daily Mail)   Man arrested for assaulting wife with his penis after she refused to have sex with him. After reviewing the briefs, judge drops assault with deadly weapon charge and turns case over to small claims court   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 51
    More: Dumbass, Assistant District Attorney Christopher Fernald, Warren Jeffs, small claims court, FLDS, deadly weapon, jail term, Sussex, superior courts  
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10320 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Nov 2012 at 1:20 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-24 12:12:13 PM
Cockslap!

Of course, at 62, he probably could have used his testicles like a bag of oranges to beat her with.
 
2012-11-24 12:27:57 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Cockslap!

Of course, at 62, he probably could have used his testicles like a bag of oranges to beat her with.


LOL! +1
 
2012-11-24 12:41:01 PM
He could get the chair for this

/the slatted one
 
2012-11-24 01:01:59 PM
That's a dick move.
 
2012-11-24 01:20:04 PM
Was it detachable?
 
2012-11-24 01:23:19 PM
Defending, Justin Andrus said Thomas was tremendously upset that his marriage of 39 years was ending.
He said his estranged wife was planning to go to Pakistan to meet a man she met online.
'This was not his normal conduct,' Andrus told Justice Jeffrey Hjelm during the sentencing hearing in Knox County Superior Court.


Which part isn't normal conduct? The penile battery, or a woman willingly going to Pakistan for a man she met online?
 
2012-11-24 01:23:46 PM
Bailiff, whack his pee-pee.

/ and not in a good way
 
2012-11-24 01:24:03 PM

Indolent: FirstNationalBastard: Cockslap!

Of course, at 62, he probably could have used his testicles like a bag of oranges to beat her with.

LOL! +1


+1

also, good for her for moving on with her life... who needs a **** like that...?
 
2012-11-24 01:28:36 PM
Oh shes upset about a peen slap .... she should have a great time in Pakistan I hear they really treat the ladies well over there.
 
2012-11-24 01:29:12 PM
I heard there was retaliation.

blogs.crikey.com.au
 
2012-11-24 01:29:55 PM
FTA: The incident in July in the town of Warren happened when his wife of 39 years, who was estranged from him, stayed at his home.

/I'll take mangling the English language for 200, please Alex.
 
2012-11-24 01:35:42 PM
After 39 years just let her go to Pakistan, man.
 
2012-11-24 01:36:06 PM

I'm an excellent driver: FTA: The incident in July in the town of Warren happened when his wife of 39 years, who was estranged from him, stayed at his home.

/I'll take mangling the English language for 200, please Alex.


It's nice of you to please Alex.
 
2012-11-24 01:38:01 PM
One time I streaked a home & garden show, instead of calling the cops the damn biddies gave me first prize for best dried arrangement.

/they said the evidence wouldn't stand up in court
 
2012-11-24 01:42:19 PM
Hey subby. You forgot to add "Tah-dah!"
 
2012-11-24 01:43:40 PM

Rufus Lee King: "Goin' downtown, gonna see my gal..."


"gonna sing her a song"...
 
2012-11-24 01:46:35 PM
He was just trying to give her a mushroom tattoo
 
2012-11-24 01:51:05 PM
That should have read "assault with a friendly weapon"
 
2012-11-24 01:52:04 PM
Charges reduced to Assault With A Friendly Weapon.
 
2012-11-24 01:52:39 PM

gdtredmtn: That should have read "assault with a friendly weapon"


Damn you.
 
2012-11-24 01:58:13 PM
Poor Prosecutors perplexed over Pakistani Purple Pecker Punching. Probation possible.
 
2012-11-24 01:58:48 PM
i486.photobucket.com
...Also wanted for questioning...
 
2012-11-24 02:07:30 PM
Actual punchline: Found guilty of lesser included offense of Assault with a Dead Weapon.

/hihat
 
2012-11-24 02:11:50 PM
Fred Thomas should have minded his John Thomas...

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
 
2012-11-24 02:18:39 PM
You people in Britland are very strange
 
2012-11-24 02:19:37 PM
Sure it wasn't assault with a dead weapon?
 
2012-11-24 02:21:41 PM
I would also accept charges of:

public eyesore
attractive nuisance**
failure to restrain a pet
solicitation
failure to provide the necessities of life
whipping a dead horse
aggravated assault
felonious thunk
not keeping your junk in the trunk
letting out the munk
letting out the chipmunk
getting clunky with the funk

OK. I went silly there at the end, but I'm sure he could have been charged more imaginatively.

You try to do better. Go on. I dare you! Buck, buck, buck, buck!
 
2012-11-24 02:25:29 PM
www.fe-online.co.uk

Deedle-deedle-dee


/ might be a bit obscure if you aren't in the know.
 
2012-11-24 02:27:17 PM
"He said his estranged wife was planning to go to Pakistan to meet a man she met online."

Unfortunately for the sex hating ex, the Pakistan guy's name is Osama bin Hardon.
 
2012-11-24 02:27:36 PM
It says she was leaving him after 39 years of marriage to go to Pakistan to meet a man she met online. Let her go man, she will wish she was back with you very soon.
 
2012-11-24 02:31:17 PM
The only time I wasted 39 years for a Pakistani man was calling Dell's technical support.
 
2012-11-24 02:31:41 PM

Nothing To See Here: gdtredmtn: That should have read "assault with a friendly weapon"

Damn you.


Good enough to repeat.
 
2012-11-24 02:38:09 PM
Did he discharge the weapon?
 
2012-11-24 02:39:48 PM
 
2012-11-24 02:44:08 PM
Apparently this is NSFW by our rules around here.
 
2012-11-24 02:49:45 PM
Disturbing GIF x 2.
 
2012-11-24 02:57:32 PM
HOTY candidate right there.

/bravo subby
 
2012-11-24 02:59:27 PM

LordBollocks: TURKEY SLAP !! (NSFW)


I've heard that referred to as "The Lombardi Slap".
 
2012-11-24 02:59:36 PM

Nothing To See Here: gdtredmtn: That should have read "assault with a friendly weapon"

Damn you.


Missed it by thaaaat much

or

Great minds think alike

Your choice
 
2012-11-24 03:08:59 PM
That must have been one massive cock if he was able to use it as a weapon on her.
 
2012-11-24 03:16:10 PM
judge changed the charges to assault with a dead weapon?
 
2012-11-24 04:31:31 PM
They should have charged him for assault with a dead weapon.
 
2012-11-24 05:00:57 PM
I'm not one for commiting crimes but having "got in trouble for slapping someone with his cock" on my permanent record I might not mind so much.

Also, I thought women liked that sort of thing.
 
2012-11-24 05:11:48 PM
Immediately recruited by Vivid ...
 
2012-11-24 06:52:25 PM

JonZoidberg: It says she was leaving him after 39 years of marriage to go to Pakistan to meet a man she met online. Let her go man, she will wish she was back with you very soon.


Yeah, going to meet a man in a culture where women are considered property and disfigured or stoned to death if they misbehave. Shows REAL intelligence, there.
 
2012-11-24 07:46:54 PM
Sorry feminazis but it is not possible for a husband to "assault" his wife with his penis. If she is his wife then frequent contact with his penis is sort of part of the deal. Similarly a man cant rape his own wife. Sex with him is just a normal part of her role. If he forces her to have sex against her will then he is certainly a dickhead and I would feel for any woman in that situation but it just isnt rape.
 
2012-11-24 08:01:48 PM

Ima4nic8or: Sorry feminazis but it is not possible for a husband to "assault" his wife with his penis. If she is his wife then frequent contact with his penis is sort of part of the deal. Similarly a man cant rape his own wife. Sex with him is just a normal part of her role. If he forces her to have sex against her will then he is certainly a dickhead and I would feel for any woman in that situation but it just isnt rape.


I've read enough of your posts throughout the years yet still fail to recognize if you're trolling or not, regardless... you should move to Pakistan, I hear they take pretty kindly to this sort of view of marriage and women.

Oh, and if you are serious, I hope you get farked against your will with the business end of a baseball bat.
 
2012-11-24 08:07:39 PM
Guess he wasn't aware that the penis mightier.
 
2012-11-24 11:19:02 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Ima4nic8or: Sorry feminazis but it is not possible for a husband to "assault" his wife with his penis. If she is his wife then frequent contact with his penis is sort of part of the deal. Similarly a man cant rape his own wife. Sex with him is just a normal part of her role. If he forces her to have sex against her will then he is certainly a dickhead and I would feel for any woman in that situation but it just isnt rape.

I've read enough of your posts throughout the years yet still fail to recognize if you're trolling or not, regardless... you should move to Pakistan, I hear they take pretty kindly to this sort of view of marriage and women.

Oh, and if you are serious, I hope you get farked against your will with the business end of a baseball bat.


On the upside, it would be the most appropriate username in history if they aren't trolling. (phonetically)
 
2012-11-25 04:28:54 AM
FTFA: "A third charge of unlawful sexual contact was dismissed."

Thank God!

/amen
 
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