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(Empire Magazine)   One hundred things you probably didn't know about the Lord of the Rings, both the book and film trilogy, including why the eagles didn't just fly everyone to Mount Doom and Gandalf's original name   (empireonline.com) divider line 25
    More: Cool, Mount Doom, Gandalf, polystyrene, Lord of the Rings, Viggo Mortensen, Discworld, Uruk  
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14165 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Nov 2012 at 7:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-11-24 08:23:57 AM
6 votes:
How Not To Get Laid 101:

Fierce debate rages over whether Balrogs have wings.
2012-11-24 12:34:50 PM
4 votes:
101: Apparently, one actually does simply walk into Mordor.

102: Òleomárgerine is not actually a fully qualified wizard.

103: The eagles were not able to fly everyone to Mount Doom because Henley was touring with his solo band at the time.

104: Rómendacil is not an effective topical treatment for Gondorrhea.
2012-11-24 05:49:48 PM
3 votes:

ZeroCorpse: Zombalupagus: taurusowner: Metaluna Mutant: Roto-Rot: How Not To Get Laid 101:

Fierce debate rages over whether Balrogs have wings.

Well there's no real debate because THEY DON'T HAVE WINGS. THE END.

'...suddenly it drew itself up to a great height, and its wings were spread from wall to wall...'
The Fellowship of the Ring II 5 The Bridge of Khazad-dûm

Wings or no wings, it falls to its death either way.

I vote for non-functional wings.


As God is my witness, I thought Balrogs could fly.
2012-11-24 08:48:28 AM
3 votes:
Women who lusted after Sean Bean in set were called "Beanstalkers"

I'd have thought they'd be called "deathstalkers", since that's what Sean Bean does best.
2012-11-24 12:51:44 PM
2 votes:
"Could you turn that down? I've had a bad day and I hate the farking eagles, man!"
2012-11-24 12:39:32 PM
2 votes:
Gandalf's real name?

Goldberg. He changed it for "professional reasons".

/damn anti-Semitic elves
2012-11-25 10:18:25 AM
1 votes:

LoneWolf343: Fano: Nemo's Brother: LoneWolf343: ZeroCorpse:

Another thing people don't realize is that Tolkien didn't intent that Orcs were to be always evil, and regretted not ever having a "hero" Orc.

In the great war against Sauron it was written that only Elves were not seen on both sides of the battlefield. That means some orcs did fight with the alliance and presumably valiantly.

Where was it written that only Elves were seen on the alliance side? Were there evil Ents and Eagles that fought for Sauron. Nope, the orcs all fought for Sauron or Saruman.

Don't quote me on this, but I believe that Treebeard mentioned that some Ents were less than trustworthy.



Those damned Pine bastards.
2012-11-24 11:27:05 PM
1 votes:

Zombalupagus [TotalFark]
2012-11-24 11:27:15 AM

taurusowner: Metaluna Mutant: Roto-Rot: How Not To Get Laid 101:

Fierce debate rages over whether Balrogs have wings.

Well there's no real debate because THEY DON'T HAVE WINGS. THE END.

'...suddenly it drew itself up to a great height, and its wings were spread from wall to wall...'
The Fellowship of the Ring II 5 The Bridge of Khazad-dûm

Wings or no wings, it falls to its death either way.




"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys Balrogs could fly!
2012-11-24 08:48:59 PM
1 votes:

FloydA:
103: The eagles were not able to fly everyone to Mount Doom because Henley was touring with his solo band at the time.
i>

I ROFL'd mightily.

2012-11-24 06:21:50 PM
1 votes:

AppleOptionEsc: msupf: And all the discussion of who would get corrupted and how quickly just reminds me how disappointing it was that they cut Tom bombadil out of the story.

He considered the ring a trinket and a trifle thing.

Frodo: Can't anyone else take this shiat?
Tom: I can
Frodo, sweet, here it is
Tom: LOLZ SWITZERLAND. Now go away.

It's great and all that he is an unstoppable juggernaut, but he just comes off as a dick. It's best not to introduce a Dues Ex device, then have him say no because "he prefers to stay home and have sex with his hot wife". I skip those 2 chapters everytime I read that book. It's like the birth of the filler episode.


Tom Bombadil was an older evil than Sauron and his rings.
2012-11-24 03:41:09 PM
1 votes:

AppleOptionEsc: msupf: And all the discussion of who would get corrupted and how quickly just reminds me how disappointing it was that they cut Tom bombadil out of the story.

He considered the ring a trinket and a trifle thing.

Frodo: Can't anyone else take this shiat?
Tom: I can
Frodo, sweet, here it is
Tom: LOLZ SWITZERLAND. Now go away.

It's great and all that he is an unstoppable juggernaut, but he just comes off as a dick. It's best not to introduce a Dues Ex device, then have him say no because "he prefers to stay home and have sex with his hot wife". I skip those 2 chapters everytime I read that book. It's like the birth of the filler episode.


Relevant to any thread with Tom Bombadil....

art2.server01.sheezyart.com
2012-11-24 03:35:09 PM
1 votes:
Dribble, dribble, dribble, fake, dribble, dribble shoot!!

The dread Ballhog has no wings.

Having read Bored of the Rings made me giggle during the movie.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!"

No shiat Gandalf, he's a Ballhog!
2012-11-24 02:38:37 PM
1 votes:

ObeliskToucher: AppleOptionEsc: It's great and all that he is an unstoppable juggernaut, but he just comes off as a dick. It's best not to introduce a Dues Ex device, then have him say no because "he prefers to stay home and have sex with his hot wife". I skip those 2 chapters everytime I read that book. It's like the birth of the filler episode.

This. Alternatively, you're allowed to substitute the Tim Benzedrine & Dingleberry Hashberry section from "Bored of the Rings"...

2012-11-24 02:30:14 PM
1 votes:

msupf: And all the discussion of who would get corrupted and how quickly just reminds me how disappointing it was that they cut Tom bombadil out of the story.

He considered the ring a trinket and a trifle thing.


Frodo: Can't anyone else take this shiat?
Tom: I can
Frodo, sweet, here it is
Tom: LOLZ SWITZERLAND. Now go away.

It's great and all that he is an unstoppable juggernaut, but he just comes off as a dick. It's best not to introduce a Dues Ex device, then have him say no because "he prefers to stay home and have sex with his hot wife". I skip those 2 chapters everytime I read that book. It's like the birth of the filler episode.
2012-11-24 12:56:55 PM
1 votes:
105: In the books, there was no "Battle of Minoxidil."

106: Helms Deep was named after Jesse Helms.

107: Bilbo's mom was not actually named "Bimbo Baggins." Her maiden name was "Took."

108: Gimlet, son of Gróin, was the tallest Dwarf.
2012-11-24 12:20:12 PM
1 votes:
Read the books many times, and it does indeed continue to be a plot hole.

Making it worse - the Eagles are able to fly to Mt. Doom. faster than the Nazgul can from the Black Gate even while carrying Gandalf.

As for "the ring corrupts them!", people seem to forget that Frodo was hanging around with humans and elves for MONTHS while carrying the ring in close proximity to them without any ill effects (Zerocorpse is very wrong).

It was a plot hole, everyone knows it, and no amount of retconning will change it. It simply didn't occur to Tolkien until after the fact.
2012-11-24 12:12:22 PM
1 votes:

Jim_Callahan: The reason the eagles don't just fly everyone to Mount Doom because "the eagles are their own race and do things for their own reasons". Also, Tolkien didn't like them to be seen as "Middle-Earth taxis"...


...Also, the Nazgul would have totally killed them.

There were, what, about half the Nazgul left when they went in and out with no trouble, so no dice there. And Tolkien saying "'cause I didn't wanna" isn't the same as an actual explanation and does nothing whatsoever to close the plot-hole.


It would have violated the Prime Directive.

Happy?
2012-11-24 11:03:53 AM
1 votes:

Smoking GNU:
The eagles were a metaphor used by Tolkien to symbolize the americans in WW1, who didn't help at all until the war was basically already decided (Albeit still far from over). "coming late for every war". Was meant as aa subtile insult towards the americans.

/this is all AFAIK, anyway.


As I've just learned from three posts ago, Tolkien hated allegory, so I'm going to have to call Bravo Sierra on this and demand a citation.
2012-11-24 10:37:49 AM
1 votes:
I learned that Viggo is one dedicated method actor.
2012-11-24 10:24:09 AM
1 votes:
i97.photobucket.com
2012-11-24 09:59:16 AM
1 votes:

Metaluna Mutant: Roto-Rot: How Not To Get Laid 101:

Fierce debate rages over whether Balrogs have wings.

Well there's no real debate because THEY DON'T HAVE WINGS. THE END.


'...suddenly it drew itself up to a great height, and its wings were spread from wall to wall...'
The Fellowship of the Ring II 5 The Bridge of Khazad-dûm
Slu
2012-11-24 09:58:53 AM
1 votes:
Nerds.jpg
2012-11-24 09:40:56 AM
1 votes:

Roto-Rot: How Not To Get Laid 101:

Fierce debate rages over whether Balrogs have wings.


Well there's no real debate because THEY DON'T HAVE WINGS. THE END.
2012-11-24 09:39:29 AM
1 votes:
2012-11-24 09:35:43 AM
1 votes:

Mugato: Does it explain why, with all the walking and crying scenes in these ponderous movies, Christopher Lee (the Darth Vader of the series)'s fate was left for the DVD?


The Trololo song wasn't 'discovered' until after the movies were released in theatres :P
 
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