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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Roger Ebert on the Red Dawn remake: "If you're wondering how North Korea can raise enough invaders to attack the Unites States, it's because Hollywood realized the Chinese make bad enemies because they watch Hollywood blockbusters"   (rogerebert.suntimes.com) divider line 125
    More: Amusing, Red Dawn, Roger Ebert, hollywood blockbusters, Hollywood, North Korea, Chinese, remakes  
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3529 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 23 Nov 2012 at 1:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-23 12:26:34 PM  
North Korea could field a few million soldiers. Getting them airdropped into the middle of America is a different story, unless this Red Dawn remake has them blowing up Seoul.
 
2012-11-23 01:15:38 PM  
"Avenge meeeeeeeee...!! This kimchi sucks!!"
 
2012-11-23 01:27:00 PM  
Roger Ebert on the Red Dawn remake: "If you're wondering how North Korea can raise enough invaders to attack the Unites States, it's because
Best Korea is best Korea. 
 
2012-11-23 01:27:23 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: North Korea could field a few million soldiers. Getting them airdropped into the middle of America is a different story, unless this Red Dawn remake has them blowing up Seoul.


This Red Dawn remake has got no Seoul.
 
2012-11-23 01:37:50 PM  
I wonder if it would work the other way around. I can't think of any movies where an American military force are the clear cut bad guys. Even Vietnam movies are from the good soldiers point of view.
 
2012-11-23 01:38:58 PM  
North Koreans have always been China's forward cannon fodder.
 
2012-11-23 01:40:38 PM  

Decillion: I wonder if it would work the other way around. I can't think of any movies where an American military force are the clear cut bad guys. Even Vietnam movies are from the good soldiers point of view.


The Department of Defense won't let you use any of their toys if you portray them as anything less than shining beacons of destructive hope in a world of madness.
 
2012-11-23 01:41:20 PM  
There's a remake of Red Dawn? That's crazy talk.
 
2012-11-23 01:42:13 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: North Korea could field a few million soldiers. Getting them airdropped into the middle of America is a different story, unless this Red Dawn remake has them blowing up Seoul.


They attached Ottumwa, Toledo, Mill Valley, Fort Wayne, and Crabapple Cove.
 
2012-11-23 01:42:19 PM  
I'll wait to see if TMLO can find a redeeming scene before I bother to see this.

/if not, it's probably because of prior obligations eying lemon drink
 
2012-11-23 01:42:51 PM  
It's as ridiculous and unbelievable as that horrible Homefront game. I can't even be slightly scared of starving, malnourished little untrained parade troupes invading. The entirety of the DPRK military "machine" could be fended off with a single baguette.

See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

Or aliens. Really horribly-done aliens who are easily defeated by a sneeze/rain/Mac.

Just give up, Hollywood. Stop with the "anybody invades anybody" until you have the nuts to make it credible.
 
2012-11-23 01:44:37 PM  

red5ish: There's a remake of Red Dawn? That's crazy talk.


Shhh shhh shhhhh...it's okay, they're not really remaking Red Dawn. That could never happen.

See? It's funny, like ironic. Because...well, because Thor wears red, and we all know that all gods are responsible for the sun coming up in the morning, hence the "dawn" part of the title. This is...well, this is more like "Thor 2 - Thor Goes To Kansas," but they CALL it Red Dawn just to be funny.
 
2012-11-23 01:47:16 PM  
All you have to do is offer the invading Best Koreans some Subway sammiches and a trip to Disneyland and they'll defect. Those poor hungry bastards.
 
2012-11-23 01:48:51 PM  

Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.


If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.
 
2012-11-23 01:50:25 PM  
This movie was supposed to be released Nov. 2010. I wonder if the actors even remember anything from filming anymore.
 
2012-11-23 01:50:32 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.


I dunno, Michael Moore's documentaries have had great returns on the money spent.
 
2012-11-23 01:52:31 PM  

JonZoidberg: I dunno, Michael Moore's documentaries have had great returns on the money spent.


I wouldn't waste the packets to torrent any of his crap. He is the Ke$ha of the movie industry.

/M Knight Shamalamadingdong is the Kanye West of the movie industry
 
2012-11-23 01:53:17 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.


It would have to be an America v. America story. Something like Apocalypse Now. There's that TV show that paints the US Government as the bad guy, but it's because they're going after a rogue USN submarine.

But if they were going to accurately portray the US as an aggressor, it's likely turn into something resembling a documentary...
 
2012-11-23 01:57:58 PM  
Actually, the most logical invader of the United States. Would be us. Canadians. We view the present America as a threat to our resources and our economy. Your military is over confident and relies on some Canadian technology. We have capable weapons, soldiers, fuel and training. And we could probably invade and subdue upper portions of the United States quickly before you could gather sufficient forces to repel us.

.
..
...
I'm kidding. You know that. You'd squash us within a couple of days. It's more probably though than North Korea invading you.
 
2012-11-23 01:58:58 PM  
That's probable not probably. You know what I meant.
 
2012-11-23 01:59:49 PM  

Kuroshin: Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.

It would have to be an America v. America story. Something like Apocalypse Now. There's that TV show that paints the US Government as the bad guy, but it's because they're going after a rogue USN submarine.
But if they were going to accurately portray the US as an aggressor, it's likely turn into something resembling a documentary...


Which just got canceled.

I would suppose if you were from Vietnam, you probably don't really view the Americans in a Vietnam movie as the "good guys". Good and bad is dependent on your point of view.
 
2012-11-23 02:00:17 PM  

indarwinsshadow: Actually, the most logical invader of the United States. Would be us. Canadians. We view the present America as a threat to our resources and our economy. Your military is over confident and relies on some Canadian technology. We have capable weapons, soldiers, fuel and training. And we could probably invade and subdue upper portions of the United States quickly before you could gather sufficient forces to repel us.

.
..
...
I'm kidding. You know that. You'd squash us within a couple of days. It's more probably though than North Korea invading you.


Canadians would invade in an Invasion of the Body Snatchers scenario. You could infiltrate the country undetected, so long as you didn't say "about."
 
2012-11-23 02:02:14 PM  

indarwinsshadow: Actually, the most logical invader of the United States. Would be us. Canadians. We view the present America as a threat to our resources and our economy. Your military is over confident and relies on some Canadian technology. We have capable weapons, soldiers, fuel and training. And we could probably invade and subdue upper portions of the United States quickly before you could gather sufficient forces to repel us.


I, for one, welcome our new, Canadian overlords.
 
2012-11-23 02:02:41 PM  

Decillion: I wonder if it would work the other way around. I can't think of any movies where an American military force are the clear cut bad guys. Even Vietnam movies are from the good soldiers point of view.


Valley of the wolves
 
2012-11-23 02:04:05 PM  
Nothing like pissing off your landlord.. So yea making it about the Chinese would be bad
 
2012-11-23 02:08:15 PM  
"There's no one singing war songs now like people used to do;
No "Over There," no "Praise the Lord," no "Glory Hallelu";
Perhaps at last we've asked ourselves what we should have asked before;
With the pain and death this madness brings, what were we ever singing for?"
 
2012-11-23 02:10:10 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.


I've said repeatedly since I first read of the plans for a re-make, the ONLY way they could have done this with even a shred of intellectual credibility was to be extremely vague about who the invaders were (they simply speak a language unfamiliar to the plucky teen rebels) or where the movie was taking place, until about halfay through the movie, when you've got the audience cheering the scrappy kids and thier improvised bombs and daring guerilla tactics, do a full reveal and make it clear the kids are Iraqi Insurgents and the invaders were the US and Coaliition forces in 2003, and then make people think about how our actions must have looked to the people on the other side
 
2012-11-23 02:10:41 PM  
"HAMSTERS WITH VERY LARGE AND IMPOSING GNAWING TEETH WHO ARE IMPOSING AND THREATENING YET ARE HUMANLY TREATED AND ARE COMPLIANT WITH ALL ANIMAL HANDLING REGULATIONS!!!"

/2012 version
 
2012-11-23 02:13:50 PM  
Further to what I posted before. Apparently, someone did a though experiment of Canada invading the United States. My favourite part "They literally would run out of ammunition before reaching the Ohio river"...Yikes.
 
2012-11-23 02:15:01 PM  
Having a job like Roger Ebert's would be pretty cool, until you actually have to watch crappy movies.

/ not going to see this one
// not even worth watching w/Rifftrax, I'm guessing..
 
2012-11-23 02:21:15 PM  

Magorn: Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.

I've said repeatedly since I first read of the plans for a re-make, the ONLY way they could have done this with even a shred of intellectual credibility was to be extremely vague about who the invaders were (they simply speak a language unfamiliar to the plucky teen rebels) or where the movie was taking place, until about halfay through the movie, when you've got the audience cheering the scrappy kids and thier improvised bombs and daring guerilla tactics, do a full reveal and make it clear the kids are Iraqi Insurgents and the invaders were the US and Coaliition forces in 2003, and then make people think about how our actions must have looked to the people on the other side


That would be amazing.
 
2012-11-23 02:22:35 PM  
This movie sucks? Why, I never would have guessed. It had such a great film to draw from, and changing the aggressors from the Chinese to the North Koreans seemed so genius. And who doesn't love a movie featuring heroics and drama from high schoolers? I am shocked that my.... I can't go on. It was getting painful.
 
2012-11-23 02:23:59 PM  

Magorn:

I've said repeatedly since I first read of the plans for a re-make, the ONLY way they could have done this with even a shred of intellectual credibility was to be extremely vague about who the invaders were (they simply speak a language unfamiliar to the plucky teen rebels) or where the movie was taking place, until about halfay through the movie, when you've got the audience cheering the scrappy kids and thier improvised bombs and daring guerilla tactics, do a full reveal and make it clear the kids are Iraqi Insurgents and the invaders were the US and Coaliition forces in 2003, and then make people think about how our actions must have looked to the people on the other side


Can't see how you could do it. The kids would have to be white, the setting couldn't be desert.

Maybe if the name of the town was generic and the enemy is only heard in garbled radio communication. Have no flags shown until the end where the Wolverines are revealed as Canadians and the invaders are Americans coming for oil or something.
 
2012-11-23 02:24:13 PM  
Armond White is undoubtedly praising this movie to high heaven.
 
2012-11-23 02:24:16 PM  
Please, Canada, invade. Please wreak destruction upon hamlets of violent ignorant rednecks from Washington state to Florida and impose your value system and health care plan upon us.
Please.
 
2012-11-23 02:28:04 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Canadians would invade in an Invasion of the Body Snatchers scenario. You could infiltrate the country undetected, so long as you didn't say "about."


Canadians are far too polite. They would be like "Oh excuse me, We're sorry but we are planning to invade you. Do you mind if we attack you now? If it isn't good time to do it now please lets us know and suggest good time as to when we could do it. Thank you very much"
 
2012-11-23 02:29:54 PM  

Magorn:
I've said repeatedly since I first read of the plans for a re-make, the ONLY way they could have done this with even a shred of intellectual credibility was to be extremely vague about who the invaders were (they simply speak a language unfamiliar to the plucky teen rebels) or where the movie was taking place, until about halfay through the movie, when you've got the audience cheering the scrappy kids and thier improvised bombs and daring guerilla tactics, do a full reveal and make it clear the kids are Iraqi Insurgents and the invaders were the US and Coaliition forces in 2003, and then make people think about how our actions must have looked to the people on the other side


That is pure farking genius.If I ran a studio I'd greenlight it.
 
2012-11-23 02:33:13 PM  

debug: Kuroshin: Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.

It would have to be an America v. America story. Something like Apocalypse Now. There's that TV show that paints the US Government as the bad guy, but it's because they're going after a rogue USN submarine.
But if they were going to accurately portray the US as an aggressor, it's likely turn into something resembling a documentary...

Which just got canceled.

I would suppose if you were from Vietnam, you probably don't really view the Americans in a Vietnam movie as the "good guys". Good and bad is dependent on your point of view.


D'oh!

That's what I get for not watching TV. I get all my TV info from ads that run on the TVs in bars.

Not surprised though.
 
2012-11-23 02:38:03 PM  

Magorn: I've said repeatedly since I first read of the plans for a re-make, the ONLY way they could have done this with even a shred of intellectual credibility was to be extremely vague about who the invaders were (they simply speak a language unfamiliar to the plucky teen rebels) or where the movie was taking place, until about halfay through the movie, when you've got the audience cheering the scrappy kids and thier improvised bombs and daring guerilla tactics, do a full reveal and make it clear the kids are Iraqi Insurgents and the invaders were the US and Coaliition forces in 2003, and then make people think about how our actions must have looked to the people on the other side


So, the movie going public is going to see a remake of Red Dawn because they want to be intellectually challenged? I've seen parts of the original on cable and I don't think they are aiming at the intellectual demographic.
 
2012-11-23 02:39:37 PM  

Apos: Armond White is undoubtedly praising this movie to high heaven.


I just quick googled it and cant find any yet....looking for a laugh while stuck at work
 
2012-11-23 02:50:55 PM  

Magorn: Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Kuroshin: See, this is why globalism sucks: action movies can't have a serious threat in them because regular armies all belong to countries that are customers for the product. Super-villainous dirt farmers have been done to death (literally and figuratively), and no new credible threats have emerged to make Real Murricans shiat their drawers. We're left with using non-trade nations as boogie men, which means they're all complete wimps.

If they had the balls to make America the villain, it would be the highest internationally grossing film of all time.

Would tank in America though.

I've said repeatedly since I first read of the plans for a re-make, the ONLY way they could have done this with even a shred of intellectual credibility was to be extremely vague about who the invaders were (they simply speak a language unfamiliar to the plucky teen rebels) or where the movie was taking place, until about halfay through the movie, when you've got the audience cheering the scrappy kids and thier improvised bombs and daring guerilla tactics, do a full reveal and make it clear the kids are Iraqi Insurgents and the invaders were the US and Coaliition forces in 2003, and then make people think about how our actions must have looked to the people on the other side


The whole race thing screws that up. It would have to be a WWII movie or something. Or have the movie follow a unit of middle eastern invaders at first and white defender kids, and then at the end have them switch roles or something.

I'd watch it.
 
2012-11-23 02:56:08 PM  
Something tells me this would play out more like The Sirens of Titan in real life.
 
2012-11-23 02:57:26 PM  
Doesn't Falling Skies sufficiently cover the 'scrappy civilians battle invaders' market?
 
2012-11-23 02:57:46 PM  
The concept of fiction must be hard to comprehend for a guy who watches movies all the time
 
2012-11-23 03:01:35 PM  

Decillion: Maybe if the name of the town was generic and the enemy is only heard in garbled radio communication. Have no flags shown until the end where the Wolverines are revealed as Canadians and the invaders are Americans coming for oil or something.


...hmmmm, it's definitely got some tooth to it.
 
2012-11-23 03:06:39 PM  

Summer Glau's Love Slave: indarwinsshadow: Actually, the most logical invader of the United States. Would be us. Canadians. We view the present America as a threat to our resources and our economy. Your military is over confident and relies on some Canadian technology. We have capable weapons, soldiers, fuel and training. And we could probably invade and subdue upper portions of the United States quickly before you could gather sufficient forces to repel us.

I, for one, welcome our new, Canadian overlords.


Putine and strong beer for all!!!
 
2012-11-23 03:11:35 PM  
And the fact that it's North Korea isn't even the most unbelievable part.


These producers want us to believe that 30 yr old Chris Hemsworth is a high school kid.


Yeah, Thor is a high schooler. BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
 
2012-11-23 03:14:26 PM  
The only way to make the idea of a North Korean invasion of the US even somewhat plausible is to create an elaborate alternative timeline where North Korea not only won the Korean war, but essentially created a small empire in East Asia and now heads up a broad coalition (with a conveniently vague membership) that invades the United States.

Of course at that point it might be best to abandon realism completely and simply have the US invaded by a fictional coalition who's only named members will be fictional countries. Maybe set it in the near future (no more then 20 years, so it's plausible that the US is still using modern-looking equipment) so the presence of said nonexistant countries isn't so jarring.
 
2012-11-23 03:16:36 PM  

Decillion: I wonder if it would work the other way around. I can't think of any movies where an American military force are the clear cut bad guys. Even Vietnam movies are from the good soldiers point of view.


The only film i can think of that paints Americans (if not the US Military) as the bad guys is Once Upon a Time In China.
 
2012-11-23 03:22:43 PM  
Just by the numbers, from Wiki:

North Korean military: 9,495,000 (second only to Russia)
US Military: 2,927,754 (8th, behind Russia, Best Korea, South Korea, Vietnam, India, China, and Iran)

indarwinsshadow: Further to what I posted before. Apparently, someone did a though experiment of Canada invading the United States. My favourite part "They literally would run out of ammunition before reaching the Ohio river"...Yikes.


From the linked article: "A quick land thrust securing the ports in Alaska and capturing the Captial Juno..."
And that's where I stopped reading.
 
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