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(Foobies)   Police call body found shot in the head, tied up in a sack, and floating in a river, a "complex suicide"   (thelocal.de) divider line 16
    More: Fail, police calls, Mafia, EU summit, zip ties, Freudian, refugee camps, suicides, German School of Guayaquil  
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6988 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Nov 2012 at 1:02 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-23 02:34:04 PM  
2 votes:
Today, I'm going to work on drawing up a suicide plan so complex and far-reaching that entire governments will be wrongly implicated. How did my head end up in the diplomatic pouch at the U.S. Interests section of the Swiss embassy in Havana? Why was the bullet in my torso an exact ballistic match for the gun that killed President Garfield? Just who was it that built the plywood forms and poured the concrete blocks that contained each of my hands, and then arranged for them to be formally entered into evidence in the ongoing trial of a high-profile mafia don? And why do the mysterious radioactive isotopes that emanate faintly from my various body parts match no known spectrographic profile?

I mean, I hope I don't have to use it, but I'd want to have the satisfaction of knowing it was going to fark with everybody's head.
2012-11-23 01:40:36 PM  
2 votes:
Well...that explains why Germany has such a "low" murder rate.

Keep this story in mind the next time, of many previous times, someone uses that country as an argument against the US re:violence.
2012-11-23 01:18:24 PM  
2 votes:
"We are 99.999 percent certain it was suicide cutting to our snack time," a Hamburg police spokeswoman told The Local.
2012-11-23 01:08:23 PM  
2 votes:
He must have been trying to one-up the socialite who "hung" herself in the middle of that divorce procedure in San Diego. (I think?)
2012-11-23 01:04:46 PM  
2 votes:
Obviously a brilliant strategy to save some paperwork and make the solved crimes numbers look good.
2012-11-24 05:56:08 PM  
1 votes:
Nice to see that the mob keeps the cops there so well paid.
2012-11-23 03:54:57 PM  
1 votes:
Where is Dirk Gently when you need him?
2012-11-23 02:50:00 PM  
1 votes:

Dansker: semiotix: Today, I'm going to work...

I, for one, salute your efforts, even if nobody should publicly advocate, endorse or associate with such a plan/scheme/undertaking.


You fool! You just became the only patsy I need.

(Mods, please delete this post if and when I kick off, so as to implicate Dansker.)
2012-11-23 02:01:42 PM  
1 votes:
images.contactmusic.com
Are they sure he didn't fall down an elevator shaft onto some bullets as well?
2012-11-23 01:43:41 PM  
1 votes:
"It's 99.999 percent certain that the victim carefully reached out of the tied bag full of rocks hovering over the water and shot himself in the head so the gun fell beside the bag..."

"...but instead of staying behind, the gun vanished"

Well, to me the obvious murder suspect would be whoever it was who tried to pass this off as suicide.
2012-11-23 01:33:30 PM  
1 votes:

ltdanman44: where is the gun? Without it, you can't call this a suicide


s9.postimage.org
2012-11-23 01:29:11 PM  
1 votes:
The last sentence:"The investigation has been put on ice, but the case remains open."

HAHAHAHA! Awesome. even the author couldn't resist a joke.
2012-11-23 01:29:03 PM  
1 votes:
Pity it wasn't Uwe Boll.

Also, are the police really that farking stupid?
2012-11-23 01:21:36 PM  
1 votes:
farm2.staticflickr.com

VEE DO NAHT HAVE A CRIME PROBLEM, ZIS IS MERELY A VERY COMPLEX SUICIDE. I WILL HEAR NO FURTHER ACCUZATIONS ABOUT ZE GERMAN PEOPLE! NUSSING BAD EVER HAPPENED!
2012-11-23 01:20:19 PM  
1 votes:
His friends just call him bob.
vpb
2012-11-23 09:48:57 AM  
1 votes:
Maybe he just stole more rocks than he could swim with?
 
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