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(io9)   The time Mormons baptized Adolf Hitler and Vlad the Impaler   (io9.com) divider line 23
    More: Weird, Hitler, Mormons, Mormons baptized, Holocaust victims, Ted Bundy, Joseph Smith, Richard Feynman  
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7793 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Nov 2012 at 8:26 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-22 10:45:05 PM  
4 votes:

Aboleth: So, anyway... if I ever get a pet in the house, I think I'll get me an impala. I'll name it Vlad. Vlad the Impala. But we digress. Carry on.


media-cdn.pinterest.com
2012-11-22 08:47:42 PM  
4 votes:

Krymson Tyde: Matticus: Lionel Mandrake: Currently, Mormons believe baptism is necessary for an individual to exit from "Spirit Prison" - a place akin to purgatory in the Catholic Church. Anyone outside the Mormon faith enters Spirit Prison at the time of their death.

Even Jesus?

I guess they've probably baptized Him by now.

wasn't jesus already baptized?

Sure, but he wasn't Mormon baptized and so was locked out of Heaven.



But didn't Jesus give St. Peter the "keys of the kingdom of heaven"?

Who changed the locks?
2012-11-22 08:45:41 PM  
4 votes:
Anyone outside the Mormon faith enters Spirit Prison at the time of their death.

Is it "conjugal visit" Spirit Prison, or the dreaded PMITA Spirit Prison?
2012-11-22 09:52:22 PM  
3 votes:
So, Hitler and Dracula were in "spirit jail" and the Mormons let them out?
2012-11-22 11:37:28 PM  
2 votes:
In unrelated news, the Vatican announced that it will be canonizing old, dead famous mormons, just for kicks and to open up souvenir stores in Salt Lake City. Part of the Grand Opening will be a special deal -- posthumous baptism combined with a posthumous doctorate degree from University of Phoenix.
2012-11-22 11:09:24 PM  
2 votes:
TomD9938: Aboleth: So, anyway... if I ever get a pet in the house, I think I'll get me an impala. I'll name it Vlad. Vlad the Impala. But we digress. Carry on.

[media-cdn.pinterest.com image 384x283]


Atilla the Hyundai.
2012-11-22 09:13:50 PM  
2 votes:
It's probably child abuse to tell a kid that instead of going to hell if he's bad, he's going to be baptized as a Mormon when he dies.
2012-11-22 06:55:50 PM  
2 votes:
Vlad the Impaler, you say?

i226.photobucket.com

"Perhaps now would be a good time to consider praying to your impotent god. Followed by a course of pissing yourself...."
2012-11-23 03:01:00 AM  
1 votes:

Aboleth: So, anyway... if I ever get a pet in the house, I think I'll get me an impala. I'll name it Vlad. Vlad the Impala. But we digress. Carry on.


Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the impaler
Vlad, Vlad, He could have been a sailor but he's
Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the impaler
Vlad, Vlad, He could have been a
Whaler could have been a Tailor,
He turned out to be Norman Mailer
Whoaaoo

He stepped back and he smoked a joint
Twenty thousand peasants had to get the point
Mommy was a hamster,
Daddy was a jailer
Real tough childhood for such a farking failure

[chorus]
He's so glad he's Vlad
When he was a boy, they sent him to the Turks
But you know they didn't like him because all the Turks were jerks
When Vlad returned home his wrath for his ancient foe had spurned
But the ancient art of impalement was something that the boy had learned

Oh, how he learned
He learned, they burned and burned and burned
Rotisseries of corpses turned
He's so glad, oh he's so glad he's Vlad
2012-11-23 01:42:11 AM  
1 votes:
That's cool. I always invite their missionaries in and give them milkshakes (white Russians). Once the caffeine and alcohol (and ketamine) take effect I strap them down and make them watch porn A Clockwork Orange style. Then I get some good pictures of them in compromising positions with a goat and a chicken and tell them they'll only be released if they call in the fuzz. Finally, I tell them my name is Mr. Bevets so if they try to baptise me later they'll just really be pissing into the wind.
2012-11-22 11:23:06 PM  
1 votes:
www.happletea.com

Just gettin' that out of the way, because it makes me laugh every time.
2012-11-22 10:55:49 PM  
1 votes:
You can now turn all dead Mormons gay

Sadly, many Mormons throughout history have died without having known the joys of homosexuality. With your help, these poor souls can be saved.

Simply enter the name of your favorite dead Mormon* in the form below and click Convert! Presto, they're gay for eternity. There is no undo.

Don't know any dead Mormons? Click the "Choose-a-Mormon" button and we'll find one for you. You're welcome!

No take-backs.

*Holocaust victims are not eligible for conversion.
2012-11-22 10:25:12 PM  
1 votes:
I'm starting a new religion. And baptising everyone on fark by their fark handle.

You're welcome.
2012-11-22 10:08:47 PM  
1 votes:

bud jones: Is there a suggestion box where random people can nominate dead people for baptism?


Ancestory.com
2012-11-22 10:02:19 PM  
1 votes:
So, anyway... if I ever get a pet in the house, I think I'll get me an impala. I'll name it Vlad. Vlad the Impala. But we digress. Carry on.
2012-11-22 10:01:25 PM  
1 votes:

bud jones: Is there a suggestion box where random people can nominate dead people for baptism?


it's called a census...
2012-11-22 09:47:37 PM  
1 votes:
Has anyone done a "Downfall" thing of Hitler finding out he's been baptised Mormon?
2012-11-22 09:39:13 PM  
1 votes:
Personally, I am pleased Mormonism is going back to its wacky roots.


I think it would be awesome to baptise all the registered republicans in to Mormon faith.
2012-11-22 09:05:24 PM  
1 votes:
Hitler has been baptized at least seven times.

It obviously hasn't taken yet.
2012-11-22 08:36:16 PM  
1 votes:
a0.twimg.com
2012-11-22 08:34:19 PM  
1 votes:

Krymson Tyde: Matticus: Lionel Mandrake: Currently, Mormons believe baptism is necessary for an individual to exit from "Spirit Prison" - a place akin to purgatory in the Catholic Church. Anyone outside the Mormon faith enters Spirit Prison at the time of their death.

Even Jesus?

I guess they've probably baptized Him by now.

wasn't jesus already baptized?

Sure, but he wasn't Mormon baptized and so was locked out of Heaven.


Must be like when you get home at 3 AM, stumbling drunk, and remember that your keys are inside the house.
2012-11-22 08:28:15 PM  
1 votes:
i1125.photobucket.com
2012-11-22 07:38:18 PM  
1 votes:

Matticus: Lionel Mandrake: Currently, Mormons believe baptism is necessary for an individual to exit from "Spirit Prison" - a place akin to purgatory in the Catholic Church. Anyone outside the Mormon faith enters Spirit Prison at the time of their death.

Even Jesus?

I guess they've probably baptized Him by now.

wasn't jesus already baptized?


Sure, but he wasn't Mormon baptized and so was locked out of Heaven.
 
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