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(Slate)   It's Thanksgiving, so let's not fight today and just all agree that turkey white meat is a bland, tasteless, cardboard-like substance that nobody really enjoys and we all secretly crave the dark. And if you take the last leg, I WILL CUT YOU   (slate.com) divider line 136
    More: Obvious, Ron Rosenbaum, white-breads, scrambled eggs, Fairfield County, boobs, zucchini, nutritional value, porkchops  
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2163 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Nov 2012 at 2:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-22 11:11:50 AM
Maybe you're cooking it wrong. I like the white meat.

Yes, I know; that's racist.
 
2012-11-22 12:22:43 PM
It's turkey. It's not like there's any part of it that's particularly interesting. The entire reason gravy exists is to disguise the fact that turkey, even the dark meat, is bland and uninteresting.
 
2012-11-22 12:30:08 PM
Securing one of the turkey legs is something for which I am fully prepared to go to war. The good thing about this is that this is a lesson most have learned over the years, and so outright aggression is usually not necessary. But the threat is always there.
 
2012-11-22 12:39:25 PM

Pocket Ninja: Securing one of the turkey legs is something for which I am fully prepared to go to war. The good thing about this is that this is a lesson most have learned over the years, and so outright aggression is usually not necessary. But the threat is always there.


www.drwp.net

Maybe we can make some that have a couple of extra legs?
 
2012-11-22 12:47:22 PM
whether chicken or turkey, white meat doesn't have enough fat to be moist and flavorful - unless you do two things: brine it and don't overcook it.
 
2012-11-22 12:52:31 PM
That's it, I'm going in, I don't care if it still has four hours left. I'm having pink meat.
 
2012-11-22 01:07:48 PM
We usually separate the dark meat, chop it into bit-sized chunks, then mix it into gravy with mushrooms and onions.
 
2012-11-22 01:19:21 PM
Turkey sucks. No, it would have to be edible to suck.
 
2012-11-22 01:20:44 PM
That's why every bite of it must be combined with something else...stuffing, sweet potatoes, gravy...anything!
 
2012-11-22 01:22:15 PM
It's actually kind of sad that the only edible turkey is the processed turkey loafs they ship to supermarket delis so you can buy a pound for sandwiches.
 
2012-11-22 01:37:43 PM
There's a reason your parents gave you the white meat when you sat at the kids table.
Of course if it's dry, you're doing it wrong.
 
2012-11-22 01:47:24 PM
If you can't cook a turkey such that the white meat is delicious and flavorful, you're doing it wrong. I just stuff mine with aromatics and cook it breast-side down, so the white meat gets all the extra juices and flavor. We eat some of the dark meat, but most of that is reserved for turkey gumbo later on in the week.
 
2012-11-22 02:42:51 PM
I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.
 
2012-11-22 02:45:29 PM
Brine it, fry it, watch the juices roll when you cut the breasts out.
 
2012-11-22 02:45:56 PM

FlashHarry: brine it and don't overcook it.


This. My sister uses the Alton Brown method which has produced the best tasting turkey i have ever had. I dont usually like white meat but this one was nice and juicy and delicious.
 
2012-11-22 02:46:36 PM
Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.
 
2012-11-22 02:47:00 PM
Use food coloring. That way all the meat is dark.
 
2012-11-22 02:47:52 PM
biatch, please. I come to the table with a shotgun. I will END YOU.
 
2012-11-22 02:47:59 PM
Sorry your mom's a lousy cook, subby.
 
2012-11-22 02:48:32 PM

calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.


You could always try and do a small chicken pot pie.
 
2012-11-22 02:48:57 PM
i'm cooking DUCK biatchES!

michtoy.com 

/have fun
//be safe
///show some love today
 
2012-11-22 02:50:57 PM
Homemade cranberry jalepeno jelly can fix anything. I will rip arms out of sockets to protect my few precious jars of that tasty, tasty treat

/annual gift from a friend
//got mine just yesterday!
 
2012-11-22 02:51:43 PM
Yes, if you're buying a turkey that's been frozen since December so an incompetent can shove it unmodified into a 365 degree dessicator and ignore it for nine and a half hours, the meat will be dry and tasteless.
 
2012-11-22 02:51:45 PM
Chicken is so much better
 
2012-11-22 02:52:24 PM

St_Francis_P: Maybe you're cooking it wrong. I like the white meat.

Yes, I know; that's racist.


Agreed; whoever cooks his turkey has never used injectible marinade
 
2012-11-22 02:52:52 PM
Subbsie just wants' the leg bone, if you know what I mean

and I think you do........
 
2012-11-22 02:52:55 PM
Animals taste like what they eat and if they eat what they are supposed to, they are delicious. Organic birds, and heritage if you splurge, is nom nom nom

/but by Crom cook it right.
 
2012-11-22 02:54:42 PM
Pfft. I have to go play guitar for a couple hours for the outlaws' turkey day, this in the middle of a divorce. Somebody please kill me.
 
2012-11-22 02:56:17 PM

calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.


One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.
 
2012-11-22 02:57:43 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Turkey sucks. No, it would have to be edible to suck.


That's why we have a prime rib in the oven.
 
2012-11-22 03:00:20 PM
Just consumed some microbews, a sweet potato, and 16 ounces of grilled ribeye

/fark y ou
 
2012-11-22 03:01:51 PM
Kosher turkey is delicious. It's the way they prepare it.
However, we're not going to have turkey until Christmas this year.
Our Thanksgiving meal will be Steak and Kidney Pie.
Excellent!
 
2012-11-22 03:02:26 PM
Subby should be encouraging others to eat the white meat if he likes the dark.

Subby likes the breasteses.
 
2012-11-22 03:02:37 PM

CygnusDarius: I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.


This is indeed true. Several of the awesome reasons why they are tastier is that they are physically, structurally different from the Broad Breasted White turkey that we get in the grocery stores. The meat distribution on the BBW turkey is 75% breast/wing and 25% leg/thigh, whereas the heritage birds are the more natural 50/50 breast/leg ratio. This gives them jumbo long legs and powerful hindquarters, and a smaller breast. The breasts on the heritage birds are also deeper (think deep greyhound type chests vs barrel-shaped bulldog chests) due to a much longer keelbone (breastbone), so you have to take that into consideration while cooking them.

Another fun physical difference that very much adds to the awesome flavor of heritage turkeys is the thick layer of corn yellow fat that they get under their skin. This fat layer does not develop in turkeys until 7 months of age, and since BBW turkeys are slaughtered at 2-4 months, they literally never get a chance to create this layer of delicious yellow gamebird fat. The heritage birds (slaughtered at 8-9 months) have it all throughout their body, like a pheasant or a wild duck. The fat melts off while you cook it, naturally self-basting the bird from the inside and giving it a richer, more intense flavor (its intense in a good way, not a gamey way).

/raises and eats heritage turkeys
//had people fighting last year over who got to bring home the scraps from my 18pd Bourbon Red tom
 
2012-11-22 03:05:56 PM

CygnusDarius: I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.


I raised a heritage bird for my mom's dinner. Good taste but very expensive and little breast meat.
 
2012-11-22 03:06:12 PM

Friskya:
Maybe we can make some that have a couple of extra legs?


Meh. Chernobyl Farms has sold six-drumstick turkeys for a quarter century.

/They're cheap, too.
 
2012-11-22 03:07:38 PM
My grandma (the non-crazy one) always makes a pack of turkey legs, not a whole turkey, for this exact reason.

/I'm sure you can cook great white-meat turkey--I've had pretty good stuff before--but the dark meat has a different flavor, and I do enjoy it.
 
2012-11-22 03:07:51 PM

Glenford: calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.

One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.


What you should do there is buy the turkey fresh, and have it cut in half. Cook half for Thanksgiving, freeze the other half for Christmas. Plenty of meat for three people.
 
2012-11-22 03:08:59 PM

shokokuphoenix: CygnusDarius: I've always heard heritage turkeys were good.

This is indeed true. Several of the awesome reasons why they are tastier is that they are physically, structurally different from the Broad Breasted White turkey that we get in the grocery stores. The meat distribution on the BBW turkey is 75% breast/wing and 25% leg/thigh, whereas the heritage birds are the more natural 50/50 breast/leg ratio. This gives them jumbo long legs and powerful hindquarters, and a smaller breast. The breasts on the heritage birds are also deeper (think deep greyhound type chests vs barrel-shaped bulldog chests) due to a much longer keelbone (breastbone), so you have to take that into consideration while cooking them.

Another fun physical difference that very much adds to the awesome flavor of heritage turkeys is the thick layer of corn yellow fat that they get under their skin. This fat layer does not develop in turkeys until 7 months of age, and since BBW turkeys are slaughtered at 2-4 months, they literally never get a chance to create this layer of delicious yellow gamebird fat. The heritage birds (slaughtered at 8-9 months) have it all throughout their body, like a pheasant or a wild duck. The fat melts off while you cook it, naturally self-basting the bird from the inside and giving it a richer, more intense flavor (its intense in a good way, not a gamey way).

/raises and eats heritage turkeys
//had people fighting last year over who got to bring home the scraps from my 18pd Bourbon Red tom


Start a branch farm in Tucson.

/Please.
//You write awful purty.
 
2012-11-22 03:09:16 PM
It's Thanksgiving.. it's about how much turkey you can eat, not how good it is
 
2012-11-22 03:10:49 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Homemade cranberry jalepeno jelly can fix anything. I will rip arms out of sockets to protect my few precious jars of that tasty, tasty treat

/annual gift from a friend
//got mine just yesterday!


I encourage all to try Mama Stamberg's cranberry relish.
 
2012-11-22 03:12:14 PM
You people.
 
2012-11-22 03:14:32 PM
I don't really care for any of the turkey. I will eat all the stuffing though. All the stuffing.
 
2012-11-22 03:16:21 PM

bingethinker: Glenford: calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?". And every year, every year without fail, is supposed to be the year that this new awesome super special recipe is totally going to turn me on to turkey so shut up about that other stuff. And it never does. And I feel like weeping.

And then my in laws always come for Christmas from Europe, where there is no Thanksgiving, so I get to do it twice in two months. And my family wonders why I keep a bottle of rum in my office closet.

One year it was just my parents and I. My mother made the suggestion of having something else and my father threw a tantrum like I have never seen before. 20 pound turkey and all the fixings for 3 people. Thank FSM there was lots of booze.

What you should do there is buy the turkey fresh, and have it cut in half. Cook half for Thanksgiving, freeze the other half for Christmas. Plenty of meat for three people.


Great idea in theory, but dad likes to have the whole goddamn bird on the table so he can make a show of carving and serving it. That's after everyone is seated and waiting and he suddenly remembers he needs to hone the carving knife and spends 10 minutes looking for the steel.

Like I said, lots of booze is required.
 
2012-11-22 03:17:01 PM
The trick to good white meat, besides brining, is to cook it breast-side down at 425 degrees for 45 minutes (up to 18 lbs) or 60 minutes (larger turkeys).

Then flip it; if it's one of the aforementioned larger turkeys turn it down to 325, otherwise leave it at 425.

Cook until done, which should be 50-60 min for turkeys up to 15 lbs, 75 minutes for 15-18 lb turkeys, and 2 hours for turkeys up to 22 lbs.
 
2012-11-22 03:17:21 PM
You are cooking it wrong.

/Prefers the white meat
//Why yes, I am African American...
 
2012-11-22 03:19:07 PM

Tillmaster: Kosher turkey is delicious. It's the way they prepare it.
However, we're not going to have turkey until Christmas this year.
Our Thanksgiving meal will be Steak and Kidney Pie.
Excellent!


And..BONUS! God will be happy with you!
 
2012-11-22 03:19:09 PM

FlashHarry: whether chicken or turkey, white meat doesn't have enough fat to be moist and flavorful - unless you do two things: brine it and don't overcook it.

 
2012-11-22 03:20:36 PM

FunkOut: I don't really care for any of the turkey. I will eat all the stuffing though. All the stuffing.


Are you from a mixed family that celebrates both the Canuckistan and American Thanksgivings?

/Gravy is its own food group.
 
2012-11-22 03:22:16 PM
I only eat the white meat if I can, the dark meat I use for soups and sandwiches later on, the way myself, my mom and grandma cook a turkey the white meat is moist and delicious!
 
2012-11-22 03:22:36 PM
White meat, Dark meat, ALL will be carved....

74.220.219.70
 
2012-11-22 03:23:11 PM
My God, It's full of words....
t2.gstatic.com
 
2012-11-22 03:25:24 PM

elchip: Mama Stamberg's cranberry relis


Found the recipe and it looks awesome. So does the cranberry chutney. I will have to try those and give them my own special touches (maybe).
 
2012-11-22 03:25:56 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: FunkOut: I don't really care for any of the turkey. I will eat all the stuffing though. All the stuffing.

Are you from a mixed family that celebrates both the Canuckistan and American Thanksgivings?

/Gravy is its own food group.


Yes, we always get both Thanksgivings. Frequently the Canadian one had a fresh sockeye salmon for the centre dish though.
 
2012-11-22 03:25:57 PM
Fried turkey is delicious.
 
2012-11-22 03:30:01 PM
I much prefer the dark meat, and that's with my family having a recipe that makes quite juicy white meat. Dark meat just has a different, more pleasing flavour to me, so I much prefer it...but then, it's Spanksgiving. Meat, potatoes, boatloads of gravy, a few different pies for desert, and lots of booze and poker, now that my grandparents and most of my extended family has stopped coming.

/thinking of picking up a new game on my way home to top it all off
//happy holiday to me
 
2012-11-22 03:30:29 PM

FunkOut: demaL-demaL-yeH: FunkOut: I don't really care for any of the turkey. I will eat all the stuffing though. All the stuffing.

Are you from a mixed family that celebrates both the Canuckistan and American Thanksgivings?

/Gravy is its own food group.

Yes, we always get both Thanksgivings. Frequently the Canadian one had a fresh sockeye salmon for the centre dish though.


The original Jewish one has to be a bit, uh, uncomfortable at times in the Great White North.

/Snow on the sukkah. *shivers*
 
2012-11-22 03:33:21 PM
*Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*
 
2012-11-22 03:34:50 PM

Thelyphthoric: That's it, I'm going in, I don't care if it still has four hours left. I'm having pink meat.


Fark is not your personal erotica site.
 
2012-11-22 03:36:07 PM

Coelacanth: *Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*


Pull the package out of the trash and follow the directions.
 
2012-11-22 03:36:16 PM

strapp3r: i'm cooking DUCK biatchES!

[michtoy.com image 400x314] 

/have fun
//be safe
///show some love today


I'll be right over. :) I'll bring the wine.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!


/love me some duck
 
2012-11-22 03:36:29 PM

Coelacanth: *Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*


That's easy. Slice it into 1/2 inch thick rounds and fry them in lard, and tell him next year he can cook his own damned food.
 
2012-11-22 03:37:21 PM

Coelacanth: *Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*


Here's how you cook mushroom logs for your vegan brothers: "Hey brother, come cook this f*cking log. Or eat some f*cking turkey, or go hungry, I don't care, but this f*cking log ain't my f*cking problem!"
 
2012-11-22 03:37:24 PM
Dark meat is the turkey mud vein.
 
2012-11-22 03:37:35 PM
Brine that bird! After 2 ½ hours on the grill, when I poked the thermometer into mine, juice came gushing right out of the breast.

Also, don't buy such a gigantic turkey that you have to put heat on it for 4 hours. Two 11 pound birds is far better than one 22 pounder. We did a pair of the smaller birds in 2 different brines for subtly different flavor, and now nobody will leave.
 
2012-11-22 03:39:25 PM
Jeezus...that guy is the Ayn Rand of food blogs.
 
2012-11-22 03:40:46 PM
I like turkey white meat better than dark meat, vice versa for chicken.
 
2012-11-22 03:41:37 PM

Coastalgrl: strapp3r: i'm cooking DUCK biatchES!

[michtoy.com image 400x314] 

/have fun
//be safe
///show some love today

I'll be right over. :) I'll bring the wine.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!


/love me some duck


Do you have some sort of farkdar?

Between you and frickinsweet knowing where other farkers keep their food, I'm getting creeped out.

/Likes duck too, but not enough to invade houses.
 
2012-11-22 03:43:23 PM

Coelacanth: *Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*


Dammit, I was a vegetarian for 5 years (had a meat smell = cadaver smell issue), and all I did was load up on pie and other stuff. None of this "I need to make a carcass replacement" dealy. Those meat replacement things usually give killer heartburn due to all the savory flavour enhancements.
 
2012-11-22 03:43:42 PM
I absolutely agree with the statement about the dark meat.... except you know, the opposite.
 
2012-11-22 03:44:33 PM

t3knomanser: It's turkey. It's not like there's any part of it that's particularly interesting. The entire reason gravy exists is to disguise the fact that turkey, even the dark meat, is bland and uninteresting.


I am terribly sorry.... how long ago did you loose your taste buds? Will you be ok?
 
2012-11-22 03:46:42 PM

Thelyphthoric: That's it, I'm going in, I don't care if it still has four hours left. I'm having pink meat.


That's what she said.
 
2012-11-22 03:46:51 PM

FlashHarry: whether chicken or turkey, white meat doesn't have enough fat to be moist and flavorful - unless you do two things: brine it and don't overcook it.


Never brined a piece of meat and every single piece I have ever cooked has been flavorfull and juicy... proper seasoning, cooking time, and rest time is the key.
 
2012-11-22 03:49:12 PM

ooitburns: Chicken is so much better


/tastes like Turkey?
 
2012-11-22 03:49:17 PM
Place the turkey breast-side down in the pan when you cook it. You're welcome.

If you've got an extra twenty minutes, de-bone the turkey in one piece first, then season the inside and wrap the skin and back meat up against the back side of the breasts and tie with a string. Again, you're welcome.
 
2012-11-22 03:49:19 PM
Brine your turkey and put it in a roaster over with all the aromatics you want. Cover and cook X minutes per pound and you will have the juiciest, most flavorful turkey you can imagine. I'm not really fond of turkey but went to a Polish T-Day meal where the turkeys were cooked that way and boned out into serving trays and it was absolutely great. The lemon and coconut cream pies also helped.
 
2012-11-22 03:49:21 PM
All i can say is, if your turkey is bland, tasteless and cardboard like then learn how to farking cook! My turkey white meat taste moist, juicy and flavorful.
 
2012-11-22 03:49:27 PM

HindiDiscoMonster: t3knomanser: It's turkey. It's not like there's any part of it that's particularly interesting. The entire reason gravy exists is to disguise the fact that turkey, even the dark meat, is bland and uninteresting.

I am terribly sorry.... how long ago did you loose your taste buds? Will you be ok?


OK, now you're just trollin' me.

/Pour yourself another bourbon: Get tight.
 
2012-11-22 03:51:13 PM

GardenWeasel: Thelyphthoric: That's it, I'm going in, I don't care if it still has four hours left. I'm having pink meat.

That's what she said.


And tha's why she's bi-curious.
 
2012-11-22 03:51:40 PM

shizbgby_v2: You are cooking it wrong.

/Prefers the white meat
//Why yes, I am African American...


Where the white meat at? :P
 
2012-11-22 03:53:11 PM

HowlingPook: Brine your turkey and put it in a roaster over with all the aromatics you want. Cover and cook X minutes per pound and you will have the juiciest, most flavorful turkey you can imagine. I'm not really fond of turkey but went to a Polish T-Day meal where the turkeys were cooked that way and boned out into serving trays and it was absolutely great. The lemon and coconut cream pies also helped.


Romanes eunt domus!
 
2012-11-22 03:53:12 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: Coastalgrl: strapp3r: i'm cooking DUCK biatchES!

[michtoy.com image 400x314] 

/have fun
//be safe
///show some love today

I'll be right over. :) I'll bring the wine.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!


/love me some duck

Do you have some sort of farkdar?

Between you and frickinsweet knowing where other farkers keep their food, I'm getting creeped out.

/Likes duck too, but not enough to invade houses.


Just giving props to Duck for Tday. That and Im 2 glasses of wine in. And its 4pm where I am. Not going to invade homes.
 
2012-11-22 03:53:15 PM

FloydA: Thelyphthoric: That's it, I'm going in, I don't care if it still has four hours left. I'm having pink meat.

Fark is not your personal erotica site.


Ummm, did you forget about foobies?
 
2012-11-22 03:56:35 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: HindiDiscoMonster: t3knomanser: It's turkey. It's not like there's any part of it that's particularly interesting. The entire reason gravy exists is to disguise the fact that turkey, even the dark meat, is bland and uninteresting.

I am terribly sorry.... how long ago did you loose your taste buds? Will you be ok?

OK, now you're just trollin' me.

/Pour yourself another bourbon: Get tight.


:D Just having a little fun on Turkey day

/Prefer Guinness.... mmmm
//If you can't stand a spoon straight up in a beer... it's not dark enough :P
 
2012-11-22 03:57:24 PM
i turned into a human icicle the other night, been freezing my bells off. first time in my life i missed Thanksgiving. no need to show up & get my family sick. my ears have a high pitched ringing going on, but i suspect that may be because i ran out of buspirone.

thankfully my being sick did not to stop Mrs.Kritter from bolting up to her rental place in NY state where she will entertain her co-worker friends at yet another get together i wasn't invited to. because she is the type of passive-aggressive biatch that won't simply call a lawyer and get it over with. no. there is too much fun to be had making sure husband is fully aware he is an unwanted burden in a loveless sexless marriage. she defines castrating biatch. if i hit the lottery it will be 1-800-LAWYER and i will be living elsewhere in under 24 hours.
 
2012-11-22 03:58:03 PM
DNRTFA

I HATE DARK MEAT!!!!! Don't try to tell me I don't. It's greasy and nasty and gross, so there!

/that is all
 
2012-11-22 03:59:13 PM
There is also no reason you can't have a turkey and a Honeybaked Ham.
 
2012-11-22 03:59:14 PM
Just finished round 1. Grilled turkey, stuffing, mashed taters, gravy, mac n cheese, green bean casserole, rolls, cranberry relish, pumpkin pie. And wine. Many many bottles of wine.
 
2012-11-22 04:00:30 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: HowlingPook: Brine your turkey and put it in a roaster over with all the aromatics you want. Cover and cook X minutes per pound and you will have the juiciest, most flavorful turkey you can imagine. I'm not really fond of turkey but went to a Polish T-Day meal where the turkeys were cooked that way and boned out into serving trays and it was absolutely great. The lemon and coconut cream pies also helped.

Romanes eunt domus!

 
www.portlandmercury.com
 
2012-11-22 04:01:02 PM
i47.tinypic.com
 
2012-11-22 04:01:33 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: Coastalgrl: strapp3r: i'm cooking DUCK biatchES!

[michtoy.com image 400x314] 

/have fun
//be safe
///show some love today

I'll be right over. :) I'll bring the wine.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!


/love me some duck

Do you have some sort of farkdar?

Between you and frickinsweet knowing where other farkers keep their food, I'm getting creeped out.

/Likes duck too, but not enough to invade houses.


Some people here have developed irl friendships/relationships, so it's no surprise, really.

/btw
//howdy neighbor
///posting from Hermosillo :p
 
2012-11-22 04:01:50 PM
Turkey breast + molasses glazed ham + etc = yummy.

The secret word is moist.
 
2012-11-22 04:02:07 PM

CruJones: There is also no reason you can't have a turkey and a Honeybaked Ham.


I'm Jewish.
 
2012-11-22 04:02:40 PM

KrispyKritter: i turned into a human icicle the other night, been freezing my bells off. first time in my life i missed Thanksgiving. no need to show up & get my family sick. my ears have a high pitched ringing going on, but i suspect that may be because i ran out of buspirone.

thankfully my being sick did not to stop Mrs.Kritter from bolting up to her rental place in NY state where she will entertain her co-worker friends at yet another get together i wasn't invited to. because she is the type of passive-aggressive biatch that won't simply call a lawyer and get it over with. no. there is too much fun to be had making sure husband is fully aware he is an unwanted burden in a loveless sexless marriage. she defines castrating biatch. if i hit the lottery it will be 1-800-LAWYER and i will be living elsewhere in under 24 hours.


If you hit a really big jackpot, you could simply buy some bears and/or wolves and have them eat her, you know.
 
2012-11-22 04:03:28 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: CruJones: There is also no reason you can't have a turkey and a Honeybaked Ham.

I'm Jewish.


ok well... one reason
 
2012-11-22 04:09:01 PM

FunkOut: Dammit, I was a vegetarian for 5 years (had a meat smell = cadaver smell issue), and all I did was load up on pie and other stuff. None of this "I need to make a carcass replacement" dealy. Those meat replacement things usually give killer heartburn due to all the savory flavour enhancements.


I've got other stuff for him like eggplant Parmesan and I'm fixing to do pumpkin Blinis Demidoffs (I bought a special cast iron pan off of Amazon just to do make them last year). Some people you just can't satisfy I guess.
 
2012-11-22 04:09:47 PM
Every year my mother makes the same dry turkey. She slathers the skin with oil and sprinkles salt and pepper. On the skin. Then four hours in an oven and she trusts the plastic pop up thing.

The same woman takes store-bought stuffing mix, dresses it up with sausage, celery, and onion, and thinks that it's just the best crap ever.

Then the family arrives with the screaming, whining crotchfruits, and people wonder why I'm so depressed I need a bottle of whiskey to get through the day.
 
2012-11-22 04:16:45 PM

KrispyKritter: i turned into a human icicle the other night, been freezing my bells off.


I guess every family has their own unique holiday traditions.
 
2012-11-22 04:29:12 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: CruJones: There is also no reason you can't have a turkey and a Honeybaked Ham.

I'm Jewish.


Me too. We only eat ham on Easter.
/Seriously. My dad's thing. 
//Steak this year for Thanksgiving.
 
2012-11-22 04:29:43 PM
Fry it. Brine it. Bam, moist, flavorful white meat. Also, cut the breast off the turkey and cut it width-wise into chunks. So much easier.
 
2012-11-22 04:29:48 PM
What are you people doing to your taste buds that leads you to insist that you can't taste the flavor of turkey?

I've spent the last decade killing my taste buds with cigarettes and liquor and I still love the delicate flavor of properly cooked turkey.

/pack a day smoker
 
2012-11-22 04:31:21 PM
Slabs of white meat, mayo, fresh ground black pepper, on sourdough.
Dinner will be good tonight, turkey sandwiches starting tomorrow will be better.
 
2012-11-22 04:37:08 PM

turdley: demaL-demaL-yeH: CruJones: There is also no reason you can't have a turkey and a Honeybaked Ham.

I'm Jewish.

Me too. We only eat ham on Easter.
/Seriously. My dad's thing. 
//Steak this year for Thanksgiving.


[not_sure_if_serious.jpg]

Two of my sibliings were born sourdoughs. 'Fess up: You voted for Palin.
 
2012-11-22 04:40:13 PM
Once you go black, you never go back?
 
2012-11-22 04:45:21 PM
My turkey (good eats method, few tweaks to the brine and done with charcoal on the weber) smelled so good my vegetarian sister had a small piece of white meat.



/passing out on the floor in front of the tv
//pumpkin beer tasting was a wonderful terrible idea mom
 
2012-11-22 04:45:31 PM
dead dinosaurs on tables across america-

Turkey boob is great. No bones so you can just jam it in your pie hole as fast as you can chew. *sigh*

can't afford organic, free range, crap free gobblers so what's the sense. Especially at $6/lb SIX FREAKIN' BUCKS A POUND
 
2012-11-22 05:13:47 PM
I'll concede that not all white meat is bland and tasteless. But it'll still never be as good as dark meat.
 
2012-11-22 05:14:41 PM
Ham - Easter
Turkey - Thanksgiving
Roast beef - Christmas
 
2012-11-22 05:30:25 PM
Bought 14 lb turkey. Brined it. Cooked it with foil on the breast for 2.5 hours until my [real] meat thermometer read 165 in the breast. Delicious.

I have a few slices left.

Also 5 people asked me how I made such good dressing. It only tastes so good because you are used to box dressing.

Give cooking "from scratch" a chance people!!
 
2012-11-22 05:39:23 PM
Last year my father-in-law brined the turkey in apple cider.

Best turkey ever.
 
2012-11-22 05:40:12 PM
I'd eat the whole goddamed bird if I could fill it down my gullet. Now excuse me, I have to sit on the couch with my hand down my pants.
 
2012-11-22 05:43:25 PM

GardenWeasel: Ham - Easter
Turkey - Thanksgiving
Roast beef - Christmas


Grey Goose - New Year
 
2012-11-22 05:45:10 PM

GardenWeasel: Ham - Easter
Turkey - Thanksgiving
Roast beef - Christmas


I've convinced a few people roast beef is the way to on Christmas instead yet another turkey. Roast beef, gravy, Yorkshire pudding, fancy British cheddar with sesame crackers, etc.
 
2012-11-22 05:49:48 PM

FunkOut: GardenWeasel: Ham - Easter
Turkey - Thanksgiving
Roast beef - Christmas

I've convinced a few people roast beef is the way to on Christmas instead yet another turkey. Roast beef, gravy, Yorkshire pudding, fancy British cheddar with sesame crackers, etc.


My mother used to cook roasted pork and it was to die for. Then again, she used a lot of chilies, onions and mushrooms, so the juices could bore a hole through an unprepared stomach.

/This year, I'll try that
//Since it's not very likely to go home for Christmas, because I'll be working for a Chinese company
 
2012-11-22 05:51:27 PM

spidermilk: Bought 14 lb turkey. Brined it. Cooked it with foil on the breast for 2.5 hours until my [real] meat thermometer read 165 in the breast. Delicious.

!


...why did you stick your penis in the turkey?
 
2012-11-22 06:02:47 PM

t3knomanser: It's turkey. It's not like there's any part of it that's particularly interesting. The entire reason gravy exists is to disguise the fact that turkey, even the dark meat, is bland and uninteresting.


You have had bad cooks then, prepared correctly Turkey is delicious and the dark meat is average when its cooked correctly.
 
2012-11-22 06:23:18 PM
Yep, people who spend the year cooking TV Dinners in their microwave are suddenly shocked when they don't do well trying to cook a gigantic bird.
 
2012-11-22 06:40:41 PM
s3-media3.ak.yelpcdn.com

If you have turkey problems, I feel bad for you, sub.
I got 99 problems but the legs ain't one. 

/seriously, the butcher farking sells legs
 
2012-11-22 06:42:59 PM
ale-house.com

CygnusDarius: GardenWeasel: Ham - Easter
Turkey - Thanksgiving
Roast beef beast - Christmas

Grey Goose - New Year


FTFY
 
2012-11-22 07:04:03 PM
I had two Thanksgiving dinners today. One at my mother in laws at 11:30 this morning- where the 13 year old nephew cooked the turkey and it was DELICIOUS! Ate cornbread dressing,squash dressing and a slew of sides (14 in all) Plus coconut cake,chocolate pie and chess pie for dessert.
Got home at 2 o'clock and there was a message on the answering machine from the neighbors." We're having smoked turkey at 5 o'clock-you're welcome to come get you a plate or two."
She had me at Smoked turkey.
Boy can her husband use a smoker!
I can't walk right now but it sure was worth it.
I have a refrigerator full of leftovers that I never cooked-the best kind!. 
*burp*
 
2012-11-22 07:26:29 PM
One turkey. Stuff and place in roasting pan. Cover tightly with lid or foil. Put in 225 degree oven for 12 hours - do NOT lift lid/foil, do not baste. Remove and let stand for 10 minutes. Carve carefully and enjoy your moist, tender turkey meat.

Caution: this is for eating, not presentation. Turkey will probably fall apart if you try to lift it out of the pan.
 
2012-11-22 07:42:47 PM

Tillmaster: Kosher turkey is delicious. It's the way they prepare it.
However, we're not going to have turkey until Christmas this year.
Our Thanksgiving meal will be Steak and Kidney Pie.
Excellent!


I didn't think the guts (e.g.
 
2012-11-22 09:10:13 PM

St_Francis_P: Maybe you're cooking it wrong. I like the white meat.

Yes, I know; that's racist.


Then everyone's cooking it wrong, because I've never tasted white turkey meat that wasn't dry and flavorless.
 
2012-11-22 09:32:44 PM

calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?


A couple years ago the wife went to visit the kids. Since I had to work and couldn't take time off, I did just that. I went and got a nice thick, aged, hand cut and trimmed 16oz Porterhouse.
 
2012-11-22 09:43:14 PM

Coelacanth: *Trying to figure out how to cook this mushroom log thingy my vegan brother wants instead of turkey*


Ask him if he's so determined to be an attention whore, why he doesn't also go sugar-free, gluten-free, nut-free, sodium-free, and kosher?
 
2012-11-22 09:56:38 PM

PsiChick: always makes a pack of turkey legs, not a whole turkey


Anyone have a good recipe for a pack of legs?
 
2012-11-22 10:00:30 PM

WeenerGord: PsiChick: always makes a pack of turkey legs, not a whole turkey

Anyone have a good recipe for a pack of legs?


Baby Oil and a slippery mat.... oh wait, you meant TURKEY legs... nm.
 
2012-11-22 10:57:17 PM
Marinated turkey breast in the crockpot for Thanksgiving, lasagna for Christmas. It's almost impossible to mess up and even picky little kids will enjoy it.
 
2012-11-22 11:06:17 PM
I brined and smoked 2 turkey breast today I'd be more than happy to put against whatever you have.
 
2012-11-22 11:28:41 PM
The real Thanksgiving story is extremely dark, far darker than any leg and thigh meat.

Could fear of facing our dark history be behind the prejudice against dark meat? Or is there more to the darkness of dark meat that feeds that fear?


I kind of lost my interest here.

/dark meat for the win
//did a vegetarian day this year for the daughters who cooked it
///walked away fulfilled
////and full
 
2012-11-22 11:42:48 PM

cretinbob: calm like a bomb: Every year, every farking year, I ask as nicely as I can, "Hey, how about we get a ham as well? Or some fish. Or I grill a steak?

A couple years ago the wife went to visit the kids. Since I had to work and couldn't take time off, I did just that. I went and got a nice thick, aged, hand cut and trimmed 16oz Porterhouse.


Similar for me this year, had work so I couldn't make it back home and it didn't make sense to cook an entire turkey for one. I went with a ribeye myself, and a big pot of collard greens, never been a fan of stuffing.
 
2012-11-22 11:54:07 PM
Subby clearly doesn't know how to cook.
I'm so farking full of juicy, tender, flavorful turkey tits right now, I think imma just go lay down....
 
2012-11-23 12:36:40 AM
I brined my turkey overnight, then cooked it over a charcoal fire rotisserie with some hickory chunks for smoke. Dry and flavorless my ass.
 
2012-11-23 12:57:37 AM
Apparently Farkers don't know how to cook.
 
2012-11-23 01:28:29 PM

cleveralthere: FlashHarry: brine it and don't overcook it.

This. My sister uses the Alton Brown method which has produced the best tasting turkey i have ever had. I dont usually like white meat but this one was nice and juicy and delicious.


The Alton Brown brine method also improves deep fried turkey. Mmmmmmm, makes the breast taste like really good lunch meat version. I add cranberry wine to my brine.

I want to try his cured turkey, which is funny because in his original episode he said you can't butterfly a turkey.
 
2012-11-23 05:18:16 PM

shortymac: The Alton Brown brine method also improves deep fried turkey. Mmmmmmm, makes the breast taste like really good lunch meat version. I add cranberry wine to my brine.

I want to try his cured turkey, which is funny because in his original episode he said you can't butterfly a turkey.


He didnt say you couldnt, he just said while probably technically superior, that method doesnt let you present a nice whole norman rockwellesque carcass to the table.
 
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