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(io9)   Eight "bootstrap-style" surgery examples prove Obamacare is unnecessary   (io9.com) divider line 33
    More: Obvious, obamacare, Continental Army, multivitamins  
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17057 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 7:07 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-21 07:55:29 PM
8 votes:
if you wanna perform surgery on your own body, suture self.
2012-11-21 08:09:48 PM
4 votes:
I took my own virginity.

/I was gentle.
2012-11-21 07:23:02 PM
4 votes:
"See this?...

Mary Ellen Moffat.

She broke my heart..."
2012-11-21 08:08:46 PM
3 votes:
Seasons I'v Withered: self castration???

Did that. $20 for the license, $50 for the preacher.

/Pain was delayed for several years.
2012-11-21 08:32:22 PM
2 votes:

AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.


On the order of childbirth, but of course, with childbirth you're rewarded with a baby and passing a kidney stone results in a little rock in the toilet and blood in your piss.

I can picture the screw removal guy opening himself up and going, "Oh fark, allen screws? You have got to be farking kidding me!"
2012-11-21 08:27:13 PM
2 votes:
I saw Rambo stitch himself up once.
2012-11-21 07:45:13 PM
2 votes:

Gyrfalcon: Are you saying you didn't spend every lunch break in medic training talking about your favorite Emergency episodes? And why John and Roy's patients would have died almost before the next commercial break?


I would not be prepared to lie like a Republican Congressman. Emergency! Taught me how to flip the yellow tops off the Abboject syringes like a boss.

I'm just sad that it went off air years before I was born.

www.nexxie.0catch.com
2012-11-21 07:37:01 PM
2 votes:
Try to find an anti-fog mirror

www.causticsodapodcast.com
2012-11-21 02:38:20 PM
2 votes:
I once removed a large mole near my belly button by freezing it off with an Air Duster can turned upside down.

/CSS
2012-11-21 11:37:38 PM
1 votes:

cherryl taggart: When I was very young, I was sitting in the bathtub and felt a lump on my elbow. It had no feeling, and so I kept messing with it. It started to bleed a little, so I would drop it in the water, and keep picking at it. Eventually, I got a pretty good grip and started pulling it out. Whatever it was was whitish, with a long thick central root and several smaller ones. It looked like a octopus. The water in the tub was tinted red by the time I got the thing out. It never hurt, it was just weird, and I've never had a scar there.


Ah. It was your funnybone. Have you had a problem finding humor in things since then?
2012-11-21 11:37:34 PM
1 votes:

BigLuca: Dingleberry Dickwad: mexican bathtub cheese: dopirt: mexican bathtub cheese: least painless

Doesn't that mean the most painful option?

I'm saying it's the least painful way I've tried. I'm not talking about a big pair of electrician's dikes, but little snippers you might use to knock off the tips of your soldering project from under the IC board.

/ It's spelled "Dikes" from Diagonal Cutters.

We just call them "nippers" around here.

So here's a question for the self surgery folks around here. Now I've done my own minor ones a time or three, ingrown toenail removal, cutting out warts on my knuckles and what not, but I have always had this rather large mole right next to my ballsack. Makes trimming down there a real pain because it's gotten nicked by the trimmers a few times. Sticks out more than a skin tag, but rather large in width, say 1/4 inch in diameter. Any recommendations for how to get rid of it?

That's what i love about the anonymity of the internet ... you can ask/say whatever you want and no embarrassment what-so-ever. "Sometimes when I jerk off to midget furry porn, I get my my KKK ring snagged on the conjoined fetus attached to my anus. What up with that?"



Tie dental floss around the fetus then cut it off with a ceramic knife cleaned in alcohol or wear your KKK ring around your neck attached to a rope...........( '
2012-11-21 11:32:30 PM
1 votes:

Dingleberry Dickwad: mexican bathtub cheese: dopirt: mexican bathtub cheese: least painless

Doesn't that mean the most painful option?

I'm saying it's the least painful way I've tried. I'm not talking about a big pair of electrician's dikes, but little snippers you might use to knock off the tips of your soldering project from under the IC board.

/ It's spelled "Dikes" from Diagonal Cutters.

We just call them "nippers" around here.

So here's a question for the self surgery folks around here. Now I've done my own minor ones a time or three, ingrown toenail removal, cutting out warts on my knuckles and what not, but I have always had this rather large mole right next to my ballsack. Makes trimming down there a real pain because it's gotten nicked by the trimmers a few times. Sticks out more than a skin tag, but rather large in width, say 1/4 inch in diameter. Any recommendations for how to get rid of it?


That's what i love about the anonymity of the internet ... you can ask/say whatever you want and no embarrassment what-so-ever. "Sometimes when I jerk off to midget furry porn, I get my my KKK ring snagged on the conjoined fetus attached to my anus. What up with that?"
2012-11-21 11:11:32 PM
1 votes:

relcec: Rufus Lee King: SpeedingLunatic: I'm paying $800/month for insurance (with a 10k deductible no less), why should your irresponsible ass get any help?

Gangbangers shooting each other over drug deals get free (paid for by me, in other words) treatment in emergency rooms, hospital stays, et cetera. Where's my relief?

thiink of it this way.
it is free if you don't pay for it.
so maybe don't pay for it.
do you own a home? what state? do they allow medical liens? do you plan on moving any time soon? do you have ethics and principles that might be affected?
alternativly, you should at least talk to their contracting department and get them to give you the discount they give to decent sized insurers.


At this point in all these health care threads I stand up and say a prayer of thanks.

"Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. Amen"
a248.e.akamai.net

Seriously, on a household income of about 155,000 we pay about $A160 a month for the 5 of us with no deductible. Now, obviously this is the evil of socialism and as such is much less efficient than a market driven system. Or, is it that I should be paying less but I am subsidising all those who earn less than me or who chose not to work at all? I get so confused sometimes and start believing crazy things (like $A160 being somehow less than $US800. Or a $A0 deductible being better than a $US10000 one).
2012-11-21 08:47:32 PM
1 votes:

SpeedingLunatic: Three Crooked Squirrels: The wife has her own policy and pays $1,200 per quarter, and she's had cancer. Regence BC/BS in Utah has tried everything they can do to get her off

Seems to me that should be your job...


It is our job. Once every three months. Can you pay your health insurance bill online? My wife can't. Why? The only reason I can possibly imagine is that they hope at the end of the month, she forgot to send her bill, tries to pay online, can't and mails it in late. Termination of coverage. Are you allowed to pay monthly? My wife isn't. Why? I can only imagine that they realize most people can come up with $400 at the end of the month, but hope we didn't budget properly for a $1,200 bill quarterly. Termination. We make a lot of money, we are very fortunate that way, but there are certainly people who don't budget properly and can't write four $1,200 checks a year. Has your cable bill ever failed to arrive? Ours arrives 12 time per year. Her quarterly healthcare bill arrives, like clockwork, 3 times a year. Coincidence? Maybe. Hoping for a missed payment? Maybe. Bill arriving on the 27th or so of the month dated on the first of the month, and postmarked on the 25th of the month? Happens regularly.

Bottom line is that we do treat it as our job. It's come to the point that we send every bill in certified/return receipt requested. They are stuck with her, and we'll make sure they don't wriggle out. 

ANNNNDDDD . . . as I preview my post, I see what you did there. fark. Well, I'm posting anyways, because fark BC/BS.
2012-11-21 08:47:18 PM
1 votes:

Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.


Oh, you're black or brown. I thought you wuz a honkey.
2012-11-21 08:46:43 PM
1 votes:

BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.


I've had those twice. Copious amounts of blood and pus and ever so painful. Dr. had to cut deep and pack the void. One of the few times a man is grateful to feel something warm and wet running down the back of his leg.
2012-11-21 08:25:11 PM
1 votes:

Lunaville: I once knew a guy that had gotten a huge tattoo of a swastika on his arm at 13. Later, he regretted it. Just before his wedding date, he tried to carve it out himself. The pain made him pass out and the sound of his head banging into the toilet woke his roommates who got out of bed and administered first aid.


A buddy of mine had this little cutesy devil tattoo on his hand (the back of his hand where the meat is; whatever that muscle is called), about the size of a dime. When he tried to join the army, they told him he couldn't join because he had a satanic tattoo that would be visible while in uniform. So he went outside to smoke a cigarette, and then used the cig to burn the tattoo off. Once done, he walked back in and signed up.
2012-11-21 07:55:48 PM
1 votes:

KrispyKritter: Rufus Lee King: Recovering from a heart attack, here. Less than a month ago: no insurance. Bills stacking up already. It was either get carted off in an ambulance or die.

Anyone gonna help me?

Nope; I'm the wrong color.

sorry to hear of the attack, you're a good Farker and i love your posts. you send me your PayPal, i'll send a little sumthin-sumthin.


Gotdammitsomuch! Will you PLEASE stop not being such a douche!! I dark-greyed you forever ago, and since then you have been SUCH not a dick. Your posts have been SO not pissing me off. Seriously, dude, you're so light grey at this point as to almost be neutral. Keep this up and I will be forced, FORCED to put your posts into color. Dammit.

Have some consideration.
2012-11-21 07:53:24 PM
1 votes:

chaosweaver: BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.

Loving the visual! The imagined smell... not so much.

Reminds me of my first 2 week training session with my old Guard unit. We would have this huge steak fry/kegger on the last full day. I was just about to turn 19, and had a rather low tolerance, still. I get my cup, and proceed to drink myself into the standard Farker stupor. Prayed a few times to the porcelain Goddess. The last run to the Head, I didn't make it, and horked all over myself. My squad turned on every shower head, threw me in the middle and told me to throw those clothes into a trash bag. Smehow I managed to do that, dry off and get into clean clothes. One of my buddies then drags me to the medics to hook me to an IV. I lay down on the bed and watch him stick me. My blood shot all the way to the foot of the bed. Over the course of the next hour, I squeezed 3 bags into my system.

I tell you, there's nothing like ice-cold saline driving into your veins to give you that sober feeling.

/worst hangover I've ever had.
//then had to wake up and cook breakfast...


HEH. Banana Bags and a nonrebreather for 15 minutes will cure an entire night of sins.

The service I part time for had to take the thiamine off the 911 units because people were doing this. They'd tank themselves up with 100mg Thiamine mixed in a Liter of LR, and give it as a bolus.
2012-11-21 07:51:38 PM
1 votes:
Did I tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy with a rusty sardine can?
2012-11-21 07:50:46 PM
1 votes:

BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.


Loving the visual! The imagined smell... not so much.

Reminds me of my first 2 week training session with my old Guard unit. We would have this huge steak fry/kegger on the last full day. I was just about to turn 19, and had a rather low tolerance, still. I get my cup, and proceed to drink myself into the standard Farker stupor. Prayed a few times to the porcelain Goddess. The last run to the Head, I didn't make it, and horked all over myself. My squad turned on every shower head, threw me in the middle and told me to throw those clothes into a trash bag. Smehow I managed to do that, dry off and get into clean clothes. One of my buddies then drags me to the medics to hook me to an IV. I lay down on the bed and watch him stick me. My blood shot all the way to the foot of the bed. Over the course of the next hour, I squeezed 3 bags into my system.

I tell you, there's nothing like ice-cold saline driving into your veins to give you that sober feeling.

/worst hangover I've ever had.
//then had to wake up and cook breakfast...
2012-11-21 07:49:03 PM
1 votes:

Acharne: Sounds like you're paying 'Douchbag' premiums. Try being more human.


I just spent all day getting told by medical billing staff that they can't reduce my son's 10k in NICU bills because I have insurance. They all told me if I had no insurance they could work with me. fark me for being responsible.
2012-11-21 07:48:10 PM
1 votes:
Self-lobotomy, anyone? Anyone?

Full frontal?
2012-11-21 07:46:49 PM
1 votes:

BronyMedic: AbiNormal: I don't know how much pain you have to be in to stab yourself in the perineum(taint) and I don't want to know.

You should come see someone get a large peri-rectal abcess drained.

The smell is akin to fermented feta cheese in a freshly opened septic tank. And the pus is under pressure, so it's common to note that it takes off across the room.


I was a Navy Corpsman with the Marines; I was given the opportunity to drain a few abscesses.

/Thanks for reminding me of the smell.
2012-11-21 07:40:18 PM
1 votes:
You got-damn vajayjays. I have ripped skin tags off with my bare fingers, sliced at a wart with a razor blade until it bled (I made it die, eventually), trimmed callouses with scissors, and excavated steel shavings from my fingers with a razor blade and tweezers. Did I ever need any vodak for anesthetic or antiseptic? No, and I'm still alive. You have to give your immune system some exercise occasionally.

/DNRTFA, but am glad we at least moved in the right direction with Obamacare.
2012-11-21 07:36:11 PM
1 votes:

BronyMedic: biatch, please. Emergency! taught me that no matter what happens, there'll always be Paramedics on a trans-national flight from LA who carry the entirety of their Squad in the luggage compartment of the plane.

Are you saying TV lied to me?


Are you saying you didn't spend every lunch break in medic training talking about your favorite Emergency episodes? And why John and Roy's patients would have died almost before the next commercial break?
2012-11-21 07:33:24 PM
1 votes:
self castration??? I bet that took some balls>

Zing
2012-11-21 07:27:20 PM
1 votes:
Eight people who survived self-medical care. And how many, oh great journalist, didn't survive?
2012-11-21 07:26:05 PM
1 votes:
Once I..I..I was going to make up some clever story but truth be told I've never done any medical procedure to myself more badass than popping a zip.

/runs from thread in shame
2012-11-21 07:21:15 PM
1 votes:
fc02.deviantart.net
2012-11-21 07:02:39 PM
1 votes:
First thing I thought of was the Prometheus automated operating table.

2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-11-21 05:36:19 PM
1 votes:

vernonFL: I just got back from the dentist where I got a cleaning and a crown fixed. Thank goodness I have good dental insurance. Dental work isn't cheap.

I guess I could have waited and gone the old "whiskey and pliers" route.


Or get it over with quick, using a firecracker.
2012-11-21 02:59:33 PM
1 votes:
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

Bootstraps' bootstraps
 
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