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(Zim Diaspora)   Doctors unable to figure out why a man's penis is being eaten from the inside by some mysterious creature   (zimdiaspora.com) divider line 56
    More: Scary, Mugabe, penis, physicians  
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20988 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 3:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-21 02:28:11 PM  
4 votes:
He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???


That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.
2012-11-21 05:26:16 PM  
3 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Not the first time I fell for Blue Waffle.. should have remembered it from last time. *shakes tiny fist*

But I was wondering WTH could cause that, so I looked further. FYI it's totally fake: SFW Link

/pixels etc.
2012-11-21 01:04:59 PM  
3 votes:
twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com
twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com

Maybe one of these guys swam up his penis thinking it was a fish?
2012-11-21 08:28:06 PM  
2 votes:
I don't know what all kinds of mental illness relating to penii they have in Africa but they accuse each other of penis stealing so I'm going to reserve judgement until I see the path report from 2 or more pathologists reading the same slides from an excisional biopsy.

That being said I did see a kid in his late teens with a very nasty nasty testicular cancer that grew up and over his entire scrotum and penis without affecting the glans so he had what looked like a brown cauliflower in his crotch with a glans placed on top of it. It had also metastasized to his liver and brain and was completely chemo and radiation resistant. His family said he thought it was some sort of STD and they hinted he was gay and apparently he was guessing it was warts. Very bad guess.
2012-11-21 05:59:57 PM  
2 votes:

LeroyBourne: Now when we go around the table and state what we're thankful for tomorrow, I have something totally appropriate to bring up.


That would be a good prayer for Thanksgiving:

"I'd like to give thanks to everyone here"
"I'd like to thank my wife, for being with me in good times and bad"
"I'd like to thank grandma, for giving me my dog, Snooky!"
"I'd like to thank that I don't have a worm eating my penis form the inside out"
*Awkward silence, little kid starts crying*
"Damn it, you made Stevie cry!"
"Fark Stevie, he called his dog Snooky"
2012-11-21 05:56:40 PM  
2 votes:
For God's sakes help this man already!.
2012-11-21 05:08:08 PM  
2 votes:

FunkOut: That headline just about made me cry and I'm not even a dude.


I was unmoved by the headline, and I'm a dude. Thanks to Western medicine and sex education, my penis is safe and uneaten.
2012-11-21 04:33:56 PM  
2 votes:
You see what happens when you fark a stranger in the ass!
2012-11-21 04:30:14 PM  
2 votes:
I'm sure 100 megatons would be sufficient.
3.bp.blogspot.com
2012-11-21 04:25:01 PM  
2 votes:
"Oh, that's nasty, I'll just keep readi...."

AIGH!

i.neoseeker.com
2012-11-21 04:13:12 PM  
2 votes:
Personally, I'd have grabbed a bottle of good scotch, a sharp knife, and removed the thing myself if it is 'visibly moving'.

**shudders**
2012-11-21 04:06:09 PM  
2 votes:
Maybe this could help..

hudsongoodsblog.com
2012-11-21 02:29:25 PM  
2 votes:
parterre.com

THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE DREADED CANDIRU FISH! A MYTHICAL CREATURE WITH A PERCHANCE FOR SWIMMING INTO A MAN'S URETHRA! MWUAHAHAHA
2012-11-22 02:50:39 AM  
1 votes:

Kittypie070: [wanders happily away, extremely satisfied with hilarious responses to catmunch]


Bad kitty! Kitty's been sneaking vodak behind Gyrfalcon's back again!

[tosses salmon, gives furtive skritch]
2012-11-22 01:00:29 AM  
1 votes:

GungFu: [www.mundogump.com.br image 608x336] 

Candiru'ed Penis.


This is what it looks like outside the bladder. Imagine pulling this thing out of your urethra. 
img690.imageshack.us
2012-11-22 12:50:15 AM  
1 votes:
[wanders happily away, extremely satisfied with hilarious responses to catmunch]
2012-11-22 12:40:54 AM  
1 votes:
Nasty, made me go "Huh. ه҈ه҈ه҈ه҈ Wtf????"
2012-11-21 11:19:37 PM  
1 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

Zey ... put creatures ... in our penises ... to control our botties!
2012-11-21 09:16:57 PM  
1 votes:

RockChalkH1N1: LittleSmitty: I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die

What is that quote from?


It's a punch line.

Guy gets snake bit on his dick.
Buddy calls a doc. Doc says make two cuts and suck out the poison. And if I don't? He's going to die.

What did the doc say?

You gonna die.
2012-11-21 08:35:14 PM  
1 votes:

OscarTamerz: I don't know what all kinds of mental illness relating to penii they have in Africa but they accuse each other of penis stealing so I'm going to reserve judgement until I see the path report from 2 or more pathologists reading the same slides from an excisional biopsy.

That being said I did see a kid in his late teens with a very nasty nasty testicular cancer that grew up and over his entire scrotum and penis without affecting the glans so he had what looked like a brown cauliflower in his crotch with a glans placed on top of it. It had also metastasized to his liver and brain and was completely chemo and radiation resistant. His family said he thought it was some sort of STD and they hinted he was gay and apparently he was guessing it was warts. Very bad guess.


"Whelp, if yer son didn't have teh ghey, then he wouldn't have such a thing as like what we're seein' down thar!"... That about sum it up?
2012-11-21 08:31:09 PM  
1 votes:

Coelacanth: I vaguely remember some news items from a few years ago about African men loosing their penises from witchcraft or something.

/Africa makes Mexico look like Burbank.


Seriously?

My pet peeve is this error, because it is so easy...
2012-11-21 08:06:31 PM  
1 votes:
Youtube search for bot fly larvae? They're really just supposed to be in Central America, but maybe something similar?

Fortunately, the cure involves suffocating them with vaseline ... to bring their breathing tubes to the surface... But I hear Africans don't masturbate, so.
2012-11-21 08:03:20 PM  
1 votes:
munch munch munch munch munch munch
2012-11-21 07:45:18 PM  
1 votes:
I vaguely remember some news items from a few years ago about African men loosing their penises from witchcraft or something.

/Africa makes Mexico look like Burbank.
2012-11-21 07:37:07 PM  
1 votes:

The_Homeless_Guy: Bondith: The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.

When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis

Yep, I love how they blame having a small dick on witches.


Given the option, wouldn't YOU?
2012-11-21 07:29:54 PM  
1 votes:
A wonderful example of modern journalism.
2012-11-21 06:21:23 PM  
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


ano.lolcathost.org
2012-11-21 06:16:27 PM  
1 votes:

The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.


When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis
2012-11-21 06:15:50 PM  
1 votes:

Five Tails of Fury: What are the odds that every single click on this link is of the female persuasion?

/owie


NYAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!!
2012-11-21 06:05:59 PM  
1 votes:
I have an awesome horror movie treatment to write.
2012-11-21 06:00:23 PM  
1 votes:
been to a hospital, interviewed by a newspaper reporter. backwoods Africa guy can't be much more than a few days from a real hospital. i would have started walking a long time ago. my winkie is my favorite pull toy.
2012-11-21 05:55:17 PM  
1 votes:
I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die
2012-11-21 05:52:26 PM  
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


cdn.ebaumsworld.com
2012-11-21 05:19:22 PM  
1 votes:
munch munch munch munch munch munch

Oh hai thar everybodee!

Whatcha starin' at?
2012-11-21 05:11:32 PM  
1 votes:
Hey guys, what's going on in...
www.roxanegay.com
2012-11-21 05:11:24 PM  
1 votes:
Please tell me the Zim Diaspora is a real news group and not a Zimbabwean version of the Onion, because that'll just make my day. Totally bookmarking that shiat.

As for the wang eating itself, testicular removal would not be my first choice for relief. Dude's got cancer. Or a tapeworm that got lost and the (real) doctors haven't tried antihelminthics yet.
2012-11-21 05:03:27 PM  
1 votes:
That headline just about made me cry and I'm not even a dude.
2012-11-21 04:57:39 PM  
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Am I the only person on the internet who Googled it and didn't even quirk an eyebrow at the pictures? Sheez.
2012-11-21 04:39:38 PM  
1 votes:

sycraft: jtown: Random Anonymous Blackmail: He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.

No shiat. Get a sharp knife and cut it out. How much worse could things possibly get???

Ya well medicine in Africa is not precisely advanced.


I'm 99% sure that this is cancer. The idea that "something is inside of me" is a pretty common way for people to describe medical symptoms in lesser developed regions (and in crazy people in developed regions as well).
2012-11-21 04:36:24 PM  
1 votes:

jtown: Random Anonymous Blackmail: He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.

No shiat. Get a sharp knife and cut it out. How much worse could things possibly get???


Ya well medicine in Africa is not precisely advanced.
2012-11-21 04:35:06 PM  
1 votes:

Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.


I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.
2012-11-21 04:21:24 PM  
1 votes:
img12.imageshack.us
2012-11-21 04:21:13 PM  
1 votes:

dahmers love zombie: He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???

That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.


"It extracts blood through the claws on its front, causing the tongue to atrophy from lack of blood. The parasite then replaces the fish's tongue by attaching its own body to the muscles of the tongue stub. The fish is able to use the parasite just like a normal tongue. It appears that the parasite does not cause any other damage to the host fish"

How do fish use their tongues, anyhow? I never thought about it until now.
2012-11-21 04:18:31 PM  
1 votes:
s3-ec.buzzfed.com 

WAT?!
2012-11-21 04:16:19 PM  
1 votes:
We need to stop all other scientific research and help this poor man.
What if it spreads!
/Nightmares
2012-11-21 04:15:14 PM  
1 votes:

Random Anonymous Blackmail: He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.


No shiat. Get a sharp knife and cut it out. How much worse could things possibly get???
2012-11-21 04:13:36 PM  
1 votes:

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???


They actually don't harm the fish, amazingly.
2012-11-21 04:10:19 PM  
1 votes:

dahmers love zombie: That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.


Inside my mind, I will be screaming for the rest of my life.
2012-11-21 04:08:35 PM  
1 votes:
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T WEAR A PENIS GOURD.
2012-11-21 04:07:06 PM  
1 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com

are on the case.
2012-11-21 04:06:58 PM  
1 votes:
I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.
2012-11-21 04:04:23 PM  
1 votes:
i don't what is omg wharararrrgggblblblb
2012-11-21 04:04:20 PM  
1 votes:
This is why one should never ever RTFA.
2012-11-21 04:02:28 PM  
1 votes:
He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.
2012-11-21 04:02:15 PM  
1 votes:
Wait? Kofi Annan is Mugabe?
2012-11-21 01:01:50 PM  
1 votes:
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.

No one is going to toss me!
i.imgur.com
 
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