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(Zim Diaspora)   Doctors unable to figure out why a man's penis is being eaten from the inside by some mysterious creature   (zimdiaspora.com ) divider line 191
    More: Scary, Mugabe, penis, physicians  
•       •       •

21010 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 3:58 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



191 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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Archived thread
 
2012-11-21 12:52:02 PM  
Besides a suggestion that his balls should be cut off, he has also been told it may be cancer.

YOU'RE NOT HELPING!
 
2012-11-21 01:01:50 PM  
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.

No one is going to toss me!
i.imgur.com

 
2012-11-21 01:03:32 PM  
When you're searching for the Gato Diablo, do NOT pee while swimming

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-21 01:04:59 PM  
twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com
twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com

Maybe one of these guys swam up his penis thinking it was a fish?
 
2012-11-21 01:40:40 PM  
WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???
 
2012-11-21 02:28:11 PM  
He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???


That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.
 
2012-11-21 02:29:25 PM  
parterre.com

THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE DREADED CANDIRU FISH! A MYTHICAL CREATURE WITH A PERCHANCE FOR SWIMMING INTO A MAN'S URETHRA! MWUAHAHAHA
 
2012-11-21 02:30:16 PM  
It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.  

images.wikia.com
 
2012-11-21 02:58:57 PM  
t.qkme.me
 
2012-11-21 03:10:50 PM  
Adios vato.
 
2012-11-21 04:02:15 PM  
Wait? Kofi Annan is Mugabe?
 
2012-11-21 04:02:28 PM  
He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.
 
2012-11-21 04:02:39 PM  
I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.
 
2012-11-21 04:02:53 PM  
Nightmare fuel...
 
2012-11-21 04:04:20 PM  
This is why one should never ever RTFA.
 
2012-11-21 04:04:23 PM  
i don't what is omg wharararrrgggblblblb
 
2012-11-21 04:05:41 PM  
Pics or it didn't happen.
 
2012-11-21 04:06:09 PM  
Maybe this could help..

hudsongoodsblog.com
 
2012-11-21 04:06:58 PM  
I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.
 
2012-11-21 04:07:06 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com

are on the case.
 
2012-11-21 04:07:49 PM  
 
2012-11-21 04:08:06 PM  
Opens browsers clicks Fark sees headline turns off computer.
 
2012-11-21 04:08:35 PM  
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T WEAR A PENIS GOURD.
 
2012-11-21 04:10:12 PM  

Godscrack: Pics or it didn't happen.


So.. if there's no pics, it didn't happen and I can maybe sleep tonight? I'm taking that route.
 
2012-11-21 04:10:19 PM  

dahmers love zombie: That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.


Inside my mind, I will be screaming for the rest of my life.
 
2012-11-21 04:12:16 PM  
What are the odds that every single click on this link is of the female persuasion?

/owie
 
2012-11-21 04:13:12 PM  
Personally, I'd have grabbed a bottle of good scotch, a sharp knife, and removed the thing myself if it is 'visibly moving'.

**shudders**
 
2012-11-21 04:13:15 PM  
Oh this looks interesting, let me pull up the arti-

*re-reads headline*

NOPE.
 
2012-11-21 04:13:36 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???


They actually don't harm the fish, amazingly.
 
2012-11-21 04:14:16 PM  

Godscrack: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T WEAR A PENIS GOURD.


Man, that's so old I forget its origin off the top of my head.
 
2012-11-21 04:14:26 PM  
LOL! It had Kofi Annan's picture at the top so I thought it was either Mr. Kofi who was having his penis eaten from the inside or he was the monster inside the penis!
 
2012-11-21 04:15:14 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.


No shiat. Get a sharp knife and cut it out. How much worse could things possibly get???
 
2012-11-21 04:15:22 PM  
www.nobodygoeshere.com
 
2012-11-21 04:16:05 PM  
My penis is having issues.

We should cut off your balls.

I'd like a second opinion, mr doctor.
 
2012-11-21 04:16:06 PM  
No sir. I don't like it.
 
2012-11-21 04:16:19 PM  
We need to stop all other scientific research and help this poor man.
What if it spreads!
/Nightmares
 
2012-11-21 04:17:31 PM  
I sure there's already porn out there like this now.
 
2012-11-21 04:18:31 PM  
s3-ec.buzzfed.com 

WAT?!
 
2012-11-21 04:19:03 PM  

vudukungfu: My penis is having issues.

We should cut off your balls.

I'd like a second opinion, mr doctor.


"It's small, too."

/youngman
 
2012-11-21 04:21:13 PM  

dahmers love zombie: He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???

That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.


"It extracts blood through the claws on its front, causing the tongue to atrophy from lack of blood. The parasite then replaces the fish's tongue by attaching its own body to the muscles of the tongue stub. The fish is able to use the parasite just like a normal tongue. It appears that the parasite does not cause any other damage to the host fish"

How do fish use their tongues, anyhow? I never thought about it until now.
 
2012-11-21 04:21:24 PM  
img12.imageshack.us
 
2012-11-21 04:22:12 PM  

vudukungfu: My penis is having issues.

We should cut off your balls.

I'd like a second opinion, mr doctor.


That's Dr. Doctor, sir!
 
2012-11-21 04:22:26 PM  

GreenSun: LOL! It had Kofi Annan's picture at the top so I thought it was either Mr. Kofi who was having his penis eaten from the inside or he was the monster inside the penis!


Saw the same picture, and the line under the picture said "Mugabe is dictator Kofi Anan", which covered my Kyzer Soze moment for the day! All this time he's been hiding in the U.N.!
 
2012-11-21 04:24:15 PM  

special20: I sure there's already porn out there like this now.


It was in question?
 
2012-11-21 04:24:59 PM  
Isn't this the second 'bad penis' thread we had today? or was that yesterday?
 
2012-11-21 04:25:01 PM  
"Oh, that's nasty, I'll just keep readi...."

AIGH!

i.neoseeker.com
 
2012-11-21 04:28:12 PM  
Somebody hold me
 
2012-11-21 04:30:14 PM  
I'm sure 100 megatons would be sufficient.
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-21 04:31:05 PM  
Please let it be Kayne West. Please let it be Kayne West.

(clicks link)

Dammit!
 
2012-11-21 04:32:51 PM  

SuperChuck: Somebody hold me


Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.
 
2012-11-21 04:33:56 PM  
You see what happens when you fark a stranger in the ass!
 
2012-11-21 04:35:06 PM  

Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.


I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.
 
2012-11-21 04:35:16 PM  

Angry Buddha: vudukungfu: My penis is having issues.

We should cut off your balls.

I'd like a second opinion, mr doctor.

That's Dr. Doctor, sir!


Gimme the news.
 
2012-11-21 04:36:24 PM  

jtown: Random Anonymous Blackmail: He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.

No shiat. Get a sharp knife and cut it out. How much worse could things possibly get???


Ya well medicine in Africa is not precisely advanced.
 
2012-11-21 04:37:58 PM  
notreadingthearticlenotreadingthearticlenotreadingthearticlenotreading thearticle
 
2012-11-21 04:38:52 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Can you turn sand into pearls?
 
2012-11-21 04:39:38 PM  

sycraft: jtown: Random Anonymous Blackmail: He can feel it moving... I don't think antibiotics are going to do the trick... how about a little surgery and pull it out.

No shiat. Get a sharp knife and cut it out. How much worse could things possibly get???

Ya well medicine in Africa is not precisely advanced.


I'm 99% sure that this is cancer. The idea that "something is inside of me" is a pretty common way for people to describe medical symptoms in lesser developed regions (and in crazy people in developed regions as well).
 
2012-11-21 04:42:40 PM  
Well, they better farking figure it out, like, yesterday.
 
2012-11-21 04:45:43 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


I'm pretty sure my ex had a blue waffle. She'd never let me go down on her or see it in the daylight. Either a blue waffle, or she was a tranny.
 
2012-11-21 04:47:31 PM  

UsikFark: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

Can you turn sand into pearls?


Haven't tried that yet... I did try to vote with my vagina this year, but it proved pretty darned difficult.
 
2012-11-21 04:49:31 PM  
Blues Lounger

I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.


You must have married my first wife.
 
2012-11-21 04:50:48 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.  

[images.wikia.com image 500x201]


that looks more like an orgasm gif.
 
2012-11-21 04:53:17 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: UsikFark: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

Can you turn sand into pearls?

Haven't tried that yet... I did try to vote with my vagina this year, but it proved pretty darned difficult.


I was wondering why my voting machine screen looked like a snail had slid down it.
 
2012-11-21 04:54:19 PM  
www.mundogump.com.br 

Candiru'ed Penis.
 
2012-11-21 04:54:55 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: UsikFark: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

Can you turn sand into pearls?

Haven't tried that yet... I did try to vote with my vagina this year, but it proved pretty darned difficult.


You just grab a pen and wiggle your ass, right? Maybe you're doing it wrong.
 
2012-11-21 04:56:05 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

I'm pretty sure my ex had a blue waffle. She'd never let me go down on her or see it in the daylight. Either a blue waffle, or she was a tranny.


Y not both?
 
2012-11-21 04:56:39 PM  
Get that man a stiff Zimecterin cocktail, stat!
 
2012-11-21 04:57:05 PM  
Probably a bad case of Goatse in the back too.
 
2012-11-21 04:57:39 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Am I the only person on the internet who Googled it and didn't even quirk an eyebrow at the pictures? Sheez.
 
2012-11-21 04:58:18 PM  
Holy fark, can't believe this hasn't been posted yet...geez people.

assets.ilounge.com
 
2012-11-21 05:03:27 PM  
That headline just about made me cry and I'm not even a dude.
 
2012-11-21 05:04:50 PM  
"Besides a suggestion that his balls should be cut off, he has also been told it may be cancer."

/best newspaper ever
 
2012-11-21 05:05:11 PM  

FunkOut: That headline just about made me cry and I'm not even a dude.


My penis twitched while reading the article, then I got really scared.
 
2012-11-21 05:07:32 PM  
It's dark in there, he's likely eaten by a grue.
 
2012-11-21 05:08:08 PM  

FunkOut: That headline just about made me cry and I'm not even a dude.


I was unmoved by the headline, and I'm a dude. Thanks to Western medicine and sex education, my penis is safe and uneaten.
 
2012-11-21 05:11:18 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


So glad I just Googled rather than Google image searched. Wouldn't have been able to unsee that one.
 
2012-11-21 05:11:24 PM  
Please tell me the Zim Diaspora is a real news group and not a Zimbabwean version of the Onion, because that'll just make my day. Totally bookmarking that shiat.

As for the wang eating itself, testicular removal would not be my first choice for relief. Dude's got cancer. Or a tapeworm that got lost and the (real) doctors haven't tried antihelminthics yet.
 
2012-11-21 05:11:32 PM  
Hey guys, what's going on in...
www.roxanegay.com
 
2012-11-21 05:12:44 PM  
Being that this is apparently happening to a penis in Zimbabwe, I think it would be more appropriate for the headline to read: People calling themselves "Doctors" unable to figure out why...
 
2012-11-21 05:14:11 PM  

Ontos: Being that this is apparently happening to a penis in Zimbabwe, I think it would be more appropriate for the headline to read: People calling themselves "Doctors" unable to figure out why...


www.simpalife.com
 
2012-11-21 05:16:18 PM  
He said his local clinic has given him antibiotics after antibiotics. The hospital gave him other medication. "Now they have run out of ideas."
...
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.

Throwing the bones??? How about you go to a hospital and tell them to CUT IT THE F**K OUT!!
If they wouldn't do it, at that point I would just numb myself with booze and do it with an internet guide and an Xacto knife.
That's farking horrific.
 
2012-11-21 05:17:05 PM  

freewill: dahmers love zombie: That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.

Inside my mind, I will be screaming for the rest of my life.


The best part about it is that once it eats the tongue, it stays there and either eats mucus or blood.

Also, the fish can keep on using it as a tongue.

/don't kiss fish
 
2012-11-21 05:17:16 PM  
I'm glad the headline specified that it was a man's penis and not the other kind of penis.
 
2012-11-21 05:19:22 PM  
munch munch munch munch munch munch

Oh hai thar everybodee!

Whatcha starin' at?
 
2012-11-21 05:19:32 PM  

poot_rootbeer: I'm glad the headline specified that it was a man's penis and not the other kind of penis.


what? a non-human penis
 
2012-11-21 05:22:24 PM  
img850.imageshack.us

Wanted for questioning.


dahmers love zombie:

That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.


I read the Wiki. Mother Nature is a mad scientist, Jerry.

/ Jeebus
 
2012-11-21 05:22:27 PM  

thursdaypostal: freewill: dahmers love zombie: That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.

Inside my mind, I will be screaming for the rest of my life.

The best part about it is that once it eats the tongue, it stays there and either eats mucus or blood.

Also, the fish can keep on using it as a tongue.

/don't kiss fish


Link
 
2012-11-21 05:24:52 PM  

thursdaypostal: freewill: dahmers love zombie: That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.

Inside my mind, I will be screaming for the rest of my life.

The best part about it is that once it eats the tongue, it stays there and either eats mucus or blood.

Also, the fish can keep on using it as a tongue.

/don't kiss fish


But how does the fish taste?
 
2012-11-21 05:26:16 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Not the first time I fell for Blue Waffle.. should have remembered it from last time. *shakes tiny fist*

But I was wondering WTH could cause that, so I looked further. FYI it's totally fake: SFW Link

/pixels etc.
 
2012-11-21 05:32:12 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: AdolfOliverPanties: It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.  

[images.wikia.com image 500x201]

that looks more like an orgasm gif.


I actually tried a few other GIFs and they were too big. Not knowing how to shrink them or create them myself, I did a search for GIFs under 500kb and found one. But that one turned out to be from Glee, so I chose the next one I found, which was that chick.

/csb
 
2012-11-21 05:50:36 PM  

oakleym82: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

Not the first time I fell for Blue Waffle.. should have remembered it from last time. *shakes tiny fist*

But I was wondering WTH could cause that, so I looked further. FYI it's totally fake: SFW Link

/pixels etc.


Wow...that was a lot more serious than I thought it would be.
 
2012-11-21 05:52:26 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


cdn.ebaumsworld.com
 
2012-11-21 05:55:17 PM  
I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die
 
2012-11-21 05:55:27 PM  
Now when we go around the table and state what we're thankful for tomorrow, I have something totally appropriate to bring up.
 
2012-11-21 05:55:30 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


No.
 
2012-11-21 05:56:07 PM  
If I was not on my mobile I would be posting a pic of Peter Butterworth as Simpkin (I think) in Carry on Follow That Camel screaming about how he had "Got the worm".
 
2012-11-21 05:56:40 PM  
For God's sakes help this man already!.
 
2012-11-21 05:58:32 PM  

Apos: [25.media.tumblr.com image 303x400]

are on the case.


Well, one of them is.
 
2012-11-21 05:59:57 PM  

LeroyBourne: Now when we go around the table and state what we're thankful for tomorrow, I have something totally appropriate to bring up.


That would be a good prayer for Thanksgiving:

"I'd like to give thanks to everyone here"
"I'd like to thank my wife, for being with me in good times and bad"
"I'd like to thank grandma, for giving me my dog, Snooky!"
"I'd like to thank that I don't have a worm eating my penis form the inside out"
*Awkward silence, little kid starts crying*
"Damn it, you made Stevie cry!"
"Fark Stevie, he called his dog Snooky"
 
2012-11-21 06:00:23 PM  
been to a hospital, interviewed by a newspaper reporter. backwoods Africa guy can't be much more than a few days from a real hospital. i would have started walking a long time ago. my winkie is my favorite pull toy.
 
2012-11-21 06:05:59 PM  
I have an awesome horror movie treatment to write.
 
2012-11-21 06:08:48 PM  

gibbon1: nope.gif

Nope.


nope.gif

Nope.
 
2012-11-21 06:15:50 PM  

Five Tails of Fury: What are the odds that every single click on this link is of the female persuasion?

/owie


NYAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!!
 
2012-11-21 06:16:27 PM  

The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.


When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis
 
2012-11-21 06:17:14 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


There goes my Thanksgiving appetite.
 
2012-11-21 06:17:15 PM  

LittleSmitty: I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die


...when you see your bill!
 
2012-11-21 06:21:23 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


ano.lolcathost.org
 
2012-11-21 06:33:06 PM  

KrispyKritter: been to a hospital, interviewed by a newspaper reporter. backwoods Africa guy can't be much more than a few days from a real hospital. i would have started walking a long time ago. my winkie is my favorite pull toy.


Four hospitals have already said they don't have time for his shenanigans until next year.
 
2012-11-21 06:33:29 PM  
I didnt get past the first paragraph but that read like a National Lamppon article
 
2012-11-21 06:35:20 PM  

Blues Lounger: I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.


37. Your ex ate 37 dicks.
 
2012-11-21 06:42:40 PM  
At least he can look forward to a long and fulfilling life

www.lolwtfcomics.com

... never mind ...
 
2012-11-21 06:47:08 PM  
reelclub.files.wordpress.com

We have traced the movement and it is coming from inside the penis.
 
2012-11-21 06:47:34 PM  

Handsome B. Wonderful: Blues Lounger: I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.

37. Your ex ate 37 dicks.


Thank god it wasn't 40. That would be terrible.
 
2012-11-21 06:55:04 PM  

Handsome B. Wonderful: Blues Lounger: I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.

37. Your ex ate 37 dicks.


Does that include ME?!
 
2012-11-21 06:57:41 PM  
There is so much about this thread that I wish I could unremember.
 
2012-11-21 06:57:55 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Handsome B. Wonderful: Blues Lounger: I had that once. Turned out to be my ex.

37. Your ex ate 37 dicks.

Thank god it wasn't 40. That would be terrible.


You magnificent bastard...
 
2012-11-21 07:01:56 PM  

Stantz: Wait? Kofi Annan is Mugabe?


Punctuation is a biatch. I read that too and was all like 'Oh no that editor Didn't'
 
2012-11-21 07:03:51 PM  
I'd be seeing doctors, auto mechanics, witches, priests and snookies gono to figure this out.
 
2012-11-21 07:04:17 PM  
posterous.com
 
2012-11-21 07:06:10 PM  
I hope David Cronenberg hears about this....wait, no I don't. I hope he never reads this poor man's story.
 
2012-11-21 07:08:44 PM  

Raging Thespian: There is so much about this thread that I wish I could unremember.


Wait until we get the follow-up story with pics of what they cut out.
 
2012-11-21 07:09:47 PM  

croesius: "Oh, that's nasty, I'll just keep readi...."

AIGH!

[i.neoseeker.com image 245x245]


This thread was already gay enough with all the penis talk, did you really need to add more?
 
2012-11-21 07:10:12 PM  

LittleSmitty: I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die


What is that quote from?
 
2012-11-21 07:12:46 PM  
Detachable Penis?
 
2012-11-21 07:12:52 PM  
I told him to stay away from Paris Hilton!
 
2012-11-21 07:13:17 PM  
www.webwombat.com.au

How could I have gone from the king of rock'n'roll to this? An old guy in a restroom in East Texas with a *growth* on his pecker.
 
2012-11-21 07:18:45 PM  

ProdigalSigh: Raging Thespian: There is so much about this thread that I wish I could unremember.

Wait until we get the follow-up story with pics of what they cut out.


1.bp.blogspot.com

/Hello lady!
 
2012-11-21 07:22:43 PM  

Bondith: The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.

When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis


Yep, I love how they blame having a small dick on witches.
 
2012-11-21 07:26:20 PM  

biyaaatci: Angry Buddha: vudukungfu: My penis is having issues.

We should cut off your balls.

I'd like a second opinion, mr doctor.

That's Dr. Doctor, sir!

Gimme the news.


I've got a bad case of penis goo.
 
2012-11-21 07:29:54 PM  
A wonderful example of modern journalism.
 
2012-11-21 07:31:12 PM  
Sucks to be you
 
2012-11-21 07:35:10 PM  

wambu: A wonderful example of modern journalism.


I'm a journalist. It's now my career ambition to write a story using this complete sentence - Besides a suggestion that his balls should be cut off, he has also been told it may be cancer - or parts thereof.
 
2012-11-21 07:37:07 PM  

The_Homeless_Guy: Bondith: The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.

When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis

Yep, I love how they blame having a small dick on witches.


Given the option, wouldn't YOU?
 
2012-11-21 07:37:35 PM  
This thread is relevant to my tastes.
 
2012-11-21 07:41:08 PM  

MassAsster: croesius: "Oh, that's nasty, I'll just keep readi...."

AIGH!

[i.neoseeker.com image 245x245]

This thread was already gay enough with all the penis talk, did you really need to add more?


i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-11-21 07:45:18 PM  
I vaguely remember some news items from a few years ago about African men loosing their penises from witchcraft or something.

/Africa makes Mexico look like Burbank.
 
2012-11-21 07:48:08 PM  

wambu: A wonderful example of modern journalism.


It reads like fanfic from some genre that I would have no idea how to find online, except maybe during an Ambien blackout. One that's there's no shower hot enough or pumice stone rough enough to scrub away the shame after reading.

Still, the author'll probably have a 3 book contract and a Times Best Seller by this time next year.
 
2012-11-21 07:55:51 PM  
Threads like this are the champions of Fark.com .
 
2012-11-21 08:03:20 PM  
munch munch munch munch munch munch
 
2012-11-21 08:06:31 PM  
Youtube search for bot fly larvae? They're really just supposed to be in Central America, but maybe something similar?

Fortunately, the cure involves suffocating them with vaseline ... to bring their breathing tubes to the surface... But I hear Africans don't masturbate, so.
 
2012-11-21 08:08:32 PM  

Gyrfalcon: The_Homeless_Guy: Bondith: The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.

When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis

Yep, I love how they blame having a small dick on witches.

Given the option, wouldn't YOU?


I guess so. Female and have had the opportunity to see some dicks. I have wondered about the essence of male power, genitals, sexuality vs. urban legend.
Dick size does matter with attitude and such.
 
2012-11-21 08:14:22 PM  

steerforth: wambu: A wonderful example of modern journalism.

I'm a journalist. It's now my career ambition to write a story using this complete sentence - Besides a suggestion that his balls should be cut off, he has also been told it may be cancer - or parts thereof.


You will go far, balls or no balls.
 
2012-11-21 08:28:06 PM  
I don't know what all kinds of mental illness relating to penii they have in Africa but they accuse each other of penis stealing so I'm going to reserve judgement until I see the path report from 2 or more pathologists reading the same slides from an excisional biopsy.

That being said I did see a kid in his late teens with a very nasty nasty testicular cancer that grew up and over his entire scrotum and penis without affecting the glans so he had what looked like a brown cauliflower in his crotch with a glans placed on top of it. It had also metastasized to his liver and brain and was completely chemo and radiation resistant. His family said he thought it was some sort of STD and they hinted he was gay and apparently he was guessing it was warts. Very bad guess.
 
2012-11-21 08:31:09 PM  

Coelacanth: I vaguely remember some news items from a few years ago about African men loosing their penises from witchcraft or something.

/Africa makes Mexico look like Burbank.


Seriously?

My pet peeve is this error, because it is so easy...
 
2012-11-21 08:32:05 PM  

Kittypie070: munch munch munch munch munch munch

tasty bug

 
2012-11-21 08:33:14 PM  

AbbeySomeone: Gyrfalcon: The_Homeless_Guy: Bondith: The_Homeless_Guy: Son of Streak: I...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Unless it turns out that masturbation is the cure. Then I have nothing to fear.

I'm willing to bet it is cancer. Either that or a simple bacterial infection. Remember this story is out of Africa, they have a serious lack of medical knowledge going on there.

When I saw it was from Africa, I just assumed he imagined it.

A witch stole my penis

Yep, I love how they blame having a small dick on witches.

Given the option, wouldn't YOU?

I guess so. Female and have had the opportunity to see some dicks. I have wondered about the essence of male power, genitals, sexuality vs. urban legend.
Dick size does matter with attitude and such.


Dick size is immaterial, really.
 
2012-11-21 08:33:14 PM  

Kittypie070: munch munch munch munch munch munch

Oh hai thar everybodee!

Whatcha starin' at?


... considers this for a minute ...

How does this go now? Something like "Hi! How YOU doin?!"

Did I get it right?
 
2012-11-21 08:35:14 PM  

OscarTamerz: I don't know what all kinds of mental illness relating to penii they have in Africa but they accuse each other of penis stealing so I'm going to reserve judgement until I see the path report from 2 or more pathologists reading the same slides from an excisional biopsy.

That being said I did see a kid in his late teens with a very nasty nasty testicular cancer that grew up and over his entire scrotum and penis without affecting the glans so he had what looked like a brown cauliflower in his crotch with a glans placed on top of it. It had also metastasized to his liver and brain and was completely chemo and radiation resistant. His family said he thought it was some sort of STD and they hinted he was gay and apparently he was guessing it was warts. Very bad guess.


"Whelp, if yer son didn't have teh ghey, then he wouldn't have such a thing as like what we're seein' down thar!"... That about sum it up?
 
2012-11-21 08:56:46 PM  

Arthur Jumbles: [twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com image 640x480]
[twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com image 466x565]

Maybe one of these guys swam up his penis thinking it was a fish?

First thing that came to mind....

www.thetick.ws 
Thrakkonzog!
 
2012-11-21 08:58:06 PM  
I'm gonna have to research my anime collection to figure out what this might be...
 
2012-11-21 09:05:04 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Oh holy God!!! I've never heard of that before! Why did you have to tell me about that??? i'll never sleep again...
 
2012-11-21 09:09:00 PM  

tarheel07: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

There goes my Thanksgiving appetite.


Know what it is.

Just ate dinner.

Ain't gonna happen.
 
2012-11-21 09:16:57 PM  

RockChalkH1N1: LittleSmitty: I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die

What is that quote from?


It's a punch line.

Guy gets snake bit on his dick.
Buddy calls a doc. Doc says make two cuts and suck out the poison. And if I don't? He's going to die.

What did the doc say?

You gonna die.
 
2012-11-21 09:21:47 PM  

LittleSmitty: I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die


I think this is one of the very first dirty jokes that I heard.

/No thanks. I'll eat it on the way home.
 
2012-11-21 09:26:04 PM  
knothxbye
 
2012-11-21 09:29:06 PM  

Angry Buddha: biyaaatci: Angry Buddha: vudukungfu: My penis is having issues.

We should cut off your balls.

I'd like a second opinion, mr doctor.

That's Dr. Doctor, sir!

Gimme the news.

I've got a bad case of penis goo.


You're lucky I didn't have a beverage when I read that.
 
2012-11-21 09:40:47 PM  

Angry Buddha: LittleSmitty: I just talked to the doctor. He said you're gonna die

I think this is one of the very first dirty jokes that I heard.

/No thanks. I'll eat it on the way home.


Help me find my keys and we can drive outta here.
 
2012-11-21 09:43:17 PM  

devlin carnate: wambu: A wonderful example of modern journalism.

It reads like fanfic from some genre that I would have no idea how to find online, except maybe during an Ambien blackout. One that's there's no shower hot enough or pumice stone rough enough to scrub away the shame after reading.

Still, the author'll probably have a 3 book contract and a Times Best Seller by this time next year.


50 Shades of Penis
on sale now at Amazon.com
 
2012-11-21 10:02:17 PM  
Standard penis parasite from having sex with a gorilla.
 
2012-11-21 10:06:07 PM  
This looks like a job for Ernest Angely! "Thoust evil demon come out um huh!"
 
2012-11-21 10:30:16 PM  

Gawdzila: He said his local clinic has given him antibiotics after antibiotics. The hospital gave him other medication. "Now they have run out of ideas."
...
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.
Throwing the bones??? How about you go to a hospital and tell them to CUT IT THE F**K OUT!!
If they wouldn't do it, at that point I would just numb myself with booze and do it with an internet guide and an Xacto knife.
That's farking horrific.


Hey, it's Africa.
 
2012-11-21 10:32:44 PM  
Just wait... His wife is probably carrying the eggs for this... thing... in her hoochie, and they're just waiting for the next dude to come along to implant themselves in a new host. And their eggs will get deposited in some other chick's hootchie, and thus it spreads.

This is only the beginning.

Wrap that rascal, boys, or as Kittie so eloquently said... "munch munch munch munch munch munch"
 
2012-11-21 11:07:09 PM  
There's only one solution: the thing in his penis has to be trapped.

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-21 11:11:34 PM  
This is why I love Fark.
 
2012-11-21 11:19:37 PM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

Zey ... put creatures ... in our penises ... to control our botties!
 
2012-11-21 11:22:40 PM  
Really, he should just wait a couple of weeks and his penis will just fall off by itself. No expensive doctor bills required.
 
2012-11-21 11:43:37 PM  

RedT: Arthur Jumbles: [twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com image 640x480]
[twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com image 466x565]

Maybe one of these guys swam up his penis thinking it was a fish?
First thing that came to mind....

[www.thetick.ws image 200x302] 
Thrakkonzog!


Your leave Susan out of this.
 
2012-11-21 11:45:16 PM  

dahmers love zombie: He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???

That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.


Now really, how can one reconcile the belief in a benevolent all powerful God and the existence of these things?
 
2012-11-21 11:56:26 PM  

kg2095: dahmers love zombie: He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???

That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.

Now really, how can one reconcile the belief in a benevolent all powerful God and the existence of these things?


d.gr-assets.com

Charles Stross explains..... the Sleeper isn't all that benevolent.
 
2012-11-22 12:22:16 AM  
Ugh. Seriously at least lay your meat out on the counter and squish it thoroughly to kill the damned thing and stop it from eating!
 
2012-11-22 12:30:40 AM  

kg2095: dahmers love zombie: He sits in his house watching as his manhood gets eaten up by a living creature which no one can explain. And the creature under the skin of his penis is growing. It has already grown to the size of a human thumb and his 'sperm hosepipe' is very swollen.

All I can tell you is that "Sperm Hosepipe" would be a great name for a GWAR cover band.

BarkingUnicorn: WTF are those nightmares in the fishes' mouths???

That, my friend, is Cymothoa exigua, the tongue-eating louse.

Now really, how can one reconcile the belief in a benevolent all powerful God and the existence of these things?


Benevolent =/= wicked sense of humor.
 
2012-11-22 12:40:54 AM  
Nasty, made me go "Huh. ه҈ه҈ه҈ه҈ Wtf????"
 
2012-11-22 12:44:06 AM  
It's just your standard African penis parasite...no big deals.
 
2012-11-22 12:50:15 AM  
[wanders happily away, extremely satisfied with hilarious responses to catmunch]
 
2012-11-22 12:56:12 AM  
FTFA: Jackson said he has visited sangomas. "I've been told I'm bewitched, but I don't mess around with other men's women. Even when this thing started I was not in a relationship and my wife isn't here because she stays where she works."

www.smh.com.au
 
2012-11-22 01:00:29 AM  

GungFu: [www.mundogump.com.br image 608x336] 

Candiru'ed Penis.


This is what it looks like outside the bladder. Imagine pulling this thing out of your urethra. 
img690.imageshack.us
 
2012-11-22 01:20:29 AM  
I'm pretty sure he must have been eating the doo-doo for this to have occurred
 
2012-11-22 02:50:39 AM  

Kittypie070: [wanders happily away, extremely satisfied with hilarious responses to catmunch]


Bad kitty! Kitty's been sneaking vodak behind Gyrfalcon's back again!

[tosses salmon, gives furtive skritch]
 
2012-11-22 04:17:03 AM  
At least something is still giving his hosepipe some oral attention...
 
2012-11-22 06:28:48 AM  
read this, went home to watch 'BAY'
hooray nightmares!
 
2012-11-22 06:49:13 AM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


Please squat down on a mirror and take a photo, we'll be the judge of this.
 
2012-11-22 08:18:38 AM  
"The Zimdiaspora Voice for the Voiceless"

Sounds more like it's the "Voice for the Utterly Farking Clueless". So, you have something the size of a thumb visibly moving in your penis....sure go ahead and chop your balls off...sounds like a better idea than making a small incision in your penis and removing the visibly moving thumb-sized creature.
 
2012-11-22 08:54:47 AM  
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.

"I'll consult my colleagues and see how we can help."

The desperate man is now turning to his last hope.

"My money has gone to the sangomas. Please, readers, save me!"

if this mans last hope is begging for money to go to a real doctor for proper treatment because he gave all his money to `traditional` scam artists doctors then he should be allowed to have the penis creature eat him from the inside out to teach other people to not be so damn stupid. He should be put on posters five times life size showing the full horror of not going to a proper doctor.

crispyone: "The Zimdiaspora Voice for the Voiceless"

Sounds more like it's the "Voice for the Utterly Farking Clueless".



This.
 
2012-11-22 08:56:50 AM  

martid4: CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.

Please squat down on a mirror and take a photo, we'll be the judge of this.

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-22 09:21:57 AM  

CapeFearCadaver: SuperChuck: Somebody hold me

Ha Ha! I have a vagina... only have to worry about blue waffle syndrome. You should totally go google it if you haven't heard about it.


my 'sperm hosepipe' has become very swollen
 
2012-11-22 01:14:48 PM  
I vote for schizophrenia and cellulitis. An animal moving around just under the skin would be pretty obvious.

/It's "The Sun" for pete's sake! ... Witches?!
 
2012-11-22 02:01:56 PM  

chaoticcrash: Personally, I'd have grabbed a bottle of good scotch, a sharp knife, and removed the thing myself if it is 'visibly moving'.

**shudders**


This.
/Still shivering.
 
2012-11-22 10:35:29 PM  
Is it Lupus?
 
2012-11-22 11:21:14 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Kittypie070: [wanders happily away, extremely satisfied with hilarious responses to catmunch]

Bad kitty! Kitty's been sneaking vodak behind Gyrfalcon's back again!

[tosses salmon, gives furtive skritch]


daintily MUNCHES

accepts skritch nicely

*buuurrrrp*
 
2012-11-23 10:29:03 AM  

Gawdzila: He said his local clinic has given him antibiotics after antibiotics. The hospital gave him other medication. "Now they have run out of ideas."
...
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.
Throwing the bones??? How about you go to a hospital and tell them to CUT IT THE F**K OUT!!
If they wouldn't do it, at that point I would just numb myself with booze and do it with an internet guide and an Xacto knife.
That's farking horrific.


Dammit! I have no more room for your farming quotes!

" numb myself with booze and do it with an internet guide and an Xacto knife.?"

/priceless!!
 
2012-11-23 12:26:14 PM  

JustinCase: Gawdzila: He said his local clinic has given him antibiotics after antibiotics. The hospital gave him other medication. "Now they have run out of ideas."
...
Oupa Shumeni of the African Traditional Health Practitioners Association said it is difficult to diagnose without throwing the bones.
Throwing the bones??? How about you go to a hospital and tell them to CUT IT THE F**K OUT!!
If they wouldn't do it, at that point I would just numb myself with booze and do it with an internet guide and an Xacto knife.
That's farking horrific.

Dammit! I have no more room for your farming quotes!

" numb myself with booze and do it with an internet guide and an Xacto knife.?"

/priceless!!


Damn auto correct!

Farming = farky
 
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