deansnose: Is there a safer way to eat a turkey? I keep getting drumstick burns behind my ears.
Boeheimian Rhapsody: Is there a way I can prepare to turkey to make sure that only white meat comes out of the oven?
jadeblue: kwame: Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"Me: "uh. tennessee"TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday....that was a total letdownI wonder what state would have made that more plausible for her.
Ras-Algethi: "My son hid his marijuana stash inside the turkey. I think I got it all. How much weed do you have to ingest before it starts to affect you?whoa... my hands..."
ConConHead: Have you considered changing your name to Margerineball to market yourself to the more health-conscious?
I Can't BelieveIt's NotButterball!
Adjective Bird Whiskey: Do you think this turkey would make a suitable sacrifice to appease the creature that lives in the lake by my house? If not, how many would you recommend?
NickelP: Do you have kids? Write out like 30 escalating questions and have them call. Ie the 'but why' thing
Adjective Bird Whiskey: My wife is a vegetarian and I want to trick her into eating this turkey.
I May Be Crazy But...: Do you like movies about gladiators?
ubermensch: Why do you have to harass the call center workers on their second busiest day of the year? They don't come to your work and slap the dick out of your mouth, to use an overused phrase.
Sofa King Smart: I'm new to this 'vegetarian' lifestyle... is there any part of the turkey that is acceptable for vegetarians?
Balchinian: Someone explain to me how a prank telephone call equates to "fun" for someone over the age of 14.
whizbang: KingKauff: UN RED THIS THREAD! YOU CAN DO IT! MAKE IT GREEN!OK who do I have to fark
EviLincoln: kwame: From their site:Over the years, the Butterball® Turkey Talk-Line experts have solved some puzzling turkey situations, like which pan to use, what to do when the turkey is on fire, and when to start roasting the turkey so it's ready by halftime.???????That seems like a question firemanbuck would best address.
mryoop789: When I dress the turkey, how do I know if it's a boy or a girl?
EviLincoln: Would taking the turkey out of the oven and massaging it a few times as it cooked make the meat softer?
EviLincoln: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Do you think this turkey would make a suitable sacrifice to appease the creature that lives in the lake by my house? If not, how many would you recommend?You have one of those too?
mryoop789: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Do you think this turkey would make a suitable sacrifice to appease the creature that lives in the lake by my house? If not, how many would you recommend?Well, f*ck. My boss wanted to know what I was laughing at.
generalDisdain: Do I freeze the giblets before stuffing them up my ass?
kwame: For the next hour, give me any questions you'd like about preparing turkey. After the hour is up, I will call the 1-800-Butterball hotline and ask the top five questions. Top questions will be selected by voting using the "Funny" button.I'll take notes and report their answers back as soon as I finish the call.
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