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(Fark)   How about a little pre-Thanksgiving fun? DIT   (fark.com) divider line 369
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4863 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 2:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-21 03:29:27 PM

kwame: Made it to a wait for the next expert. Estimated wait: five minutes


*pee anxious dance*
 
2012-11-21 03:29:32 PM
I recently saved a lot of money to buy a Real Doll, how should I clean her off after rubbing the raw turkey on her?
 
2012-11-21 03:31:23 PM

Balchinian: Someone explain to me how a prank telephone call equates to "fun" for someone over the age of 14.


matthewscottbaker.com
 
2012-11-21 03:32:53 PM
Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"

Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."

TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"

Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."

TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"

Me: "uh. tennessee"

TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday.

...that was a total letdown
 
2012-11-21 03:34:04 PM

kwame: Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"

Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."

TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"

Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."

TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"

Me: "uh. tennessee"

TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday.

...that was a total letdown


I wonder what state would have made that more plausible for her.
 
2012-11-21 03:34:33 PM
*sad trombone*
 
2012-11-21 03:35:12 PM

kwame: Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"

Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."

TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"

Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."

TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"

Me: "uh. tennessee"

TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday.

...that was a total letdown


I would just like to say that I appreciate your idea and effort, good sir. This thread has been quite amusing on a very boring day.
 
2012-11-21 03:37:48 PM

jadeblue: kwame: Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"

Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."

TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"

Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."

TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"

Me: "uh. tennessee"

TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday.

...that was a total letdown

I wonder what state would have made that more plausible for her.


Florida.
 
2012-11-21 03:38:55 PM

kwame: ...that was a total letdown


Only 4 more calls to make!
 
2012-11-21 03:40:50 PM

kwame: TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"


Lol, I can hear it now.
 
2012-11-21 03:42:35 PM
Is there anyway to tan the turkey skin?

I want a turkey skin wallet.
 
2012-11-21 03:43:30 PM

The Angry Hand of God: I would just like to say that I appreciate your idea and effort, good sir. This thread has been quite amusing on a very boring day.


Honestly, I think coming up with the questions was always going to be the most entertaining part of this. And I really should have known they're probably used to getting prank calls.
 
2012-11-21 03:44:09 PM
Is there a way I can prepare to turkey to make sure that only white meat comes out?
 
2012-11-21 03:48:46 PM
So what happens when the same woman answers the phone for the next question?
 
2012-11-21 03:48:51 PM
Never let them know you're from Tennessee, it destroys any shred of credibility.
 
2012-11-21 03:51:53 PM
Next time you call, use a British accent.
 
2012-11-21 03:53:39 PM

CatherineM: Do I have to cook the turkey twice as long if I forgot to defrost it?


The crazy thing is that you can cook a turkey from frozen. Takes alot longer to do, but supposedly it does ok. I would think that it would come out pretty dry, but who knows. We deep fry ours and for a 14lb bird it takes about 45mins. Can't beat that.
 
2012-11-21 03:54:22 PM
I have a stainless steel sink but the turkey I bought only uses about a quarter of that volume. Should I still use the sink to deep fry it or is that a waste of oil?
 
2012-11-21 03:56:19 PM

kwame: The Angry Hand of God: I would just like to say that I appreciate your idea and effort, good sir. This thread has been quite amusing on a very boring day.

Honestly, I think coming up with the questions was always going to be the most entertaining part of this. And I really should have known they're probably used to getting prank calls.


Yeah, hearing everyone's ideas is really the best part.
 
2012-11-21 03:57:48 PM
Aw mom....

Regardless, thanks for the great holiday thread, it's made my afternoon.
 
2012-11-21 03:59:32 PM

Balchinian: Someone explain to me how a prank telephone call equates to "fun" for someone over the age of 14.


It's similar to how you've been trolling fark for years now, so you should not have a problem relating.
 
2012-11-21 04:01:00 PM
*shakes tiny fist at whizbang*

Whelp there goes my productivity for the month... ha.
 
2012-11-21 04:01:16 PM

kwame: Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"

Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."

TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"

Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."

TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"

Me: "uh. tennessee"

TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday.

...that was a total letdown


I just want you to know that I'm in line at sam's club, and now people are trying to look at my phone to see what's so funny. Bravo, sir.
 
2012-11-21 04:04:35 PM
I've heard that the best Thanksgiving turkey is Cayman. How does one best prepare turkey that's been Cayman?
 
2012-11-21 04:04:54 PM

whizbang: Thelyphthoric: Aw mom....

Regardless, thanks for the great holiday thread, it's made my afternoon.

Also, now you're sponsored.


How the heck did I manage to thank you before you said that? Weird. Holiday miracle I guess. Thanks again.
 
2012-11-21 04:05:48 PM

imapirate: I just want you to know that I'm in line at sam's club, and now people are trying to look at my phone to see what's so funny. Bravo, sir.


Haha that's great.
 
2012-11-21 04:09:06 PM
"...How do I, How do I, How.d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-do I cook him...(slight pause) Gangnam Style?" (kicking into the full break down of the hook and playing as much of the song as they can tollerate from there).

Hehe, I love overly referenced pop-culture. My only second would be legitmate questions to the backing track of "Ice Ice Baby" (as covereed by Queen).
 
2012-11-21 04:10:36 PM

imapirate: I just want you to know that I'm in line at sam's club, and now people are trying to look at my phone to see what's so funny. Bravo, sir.


Ew, Sam's Club?

*flashes Costco card*

*flies away*
 
2012-11-21 04:11:10 PM
True story: I just realized that my Butterball doesn't have a thermometer in it's breast.

So...where is it?
 
2012-11-21 04:11:26 PM
I sponsored a few people that I thought were funny. Enjoy.

Maybe I'll come back later and do a few more.
 
2012-11-21 04:13:10 PM

RockSquirrel: So...where is it?


the butt
 
2012-11-21 04:13:39 PM

myschief: I sponsored a few people that I thought were funny. Enjoy.

Maybe I'll come back later and do a few more.



ooh! oooh! oooooh! pick me! pick me! pick me pick me pick me pick me!
 
2012-11-21 04:16:05 PM
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if I put my 14 pound bird in the oven at 400?
 
2012-11-21 04:17:17 PM
Is there a reason the thermometer y'all include is like my girlfriend's nipple? When it pops up, it's time to eat.
 
2012-11-21 04:23:10 PM

kwame: RockSquirrel: So...where is it?

How about in the butt, Bob?


FTFY
 
2012-11-21 04:25:23 PM
I think I just shot one of the presidential pardoned turkeys, am I going to jail?
 
2012-11-21 04:25:33 PM
Good job, kwame. Kudos.
 
2012-11-21 04:26:28 PM
I live in Hawaii. How long does it take to cook a 14-lb. turkey in lava?
 
2012-11-21 04:26:31 PM

ConConHead: Next time you call, use a British accent.


Back in my days of tech support, we had a guy who would answer calls periodically with an English accent. He actually got caught once, when he came back from putting a guy on hold and resumed speaking normally.

"Um, didn't you have a British accent a minute ago?"
 
2012-11-21 04:27:36 PM

kwame: RockSquirrel: So...where is it?

the butt


Mine or your's?!
 
2012-11-21 04:30:52 PM

kwame: Turkey Expert (an older sounding lady - didn't give her name): "Hi, what's your question?"

Me: "I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity..."

TE: "You're not calling with a serious turkey question, are you?"

Me: "Well I just wanted to know if..."

TE (in mom voice): "What state are you calling from?"

Me: "uh. tennessee"

TE: OK, well you have a nice holiday.

...that was a total letdown


Try again with the next best suggestion.... or the next best 'plausible' suggestion...
 
2012-11-21 04:33:34 PM
That was a great smackdown from the Turkey Expert
 
2012-11-21 04:40:37 PM

myschief: I sponsored a few people that I thought were funny. Enjoy.

Maybe I'll come back later and do a few more.


If I was one of those, thank you so very much, you made my whole day!
 
2012-11-21 04:50:48 PM
There is a welcome thread in TF Discussion for anyone that was just sponsored.
 
2012-11-21 04:54:17 PM
Do you like movies about gladiators?
 
2012-11-21 04:56:07 PM

myschief: There is a welcome thread in TF Discussion for anyone that was just sponsored.


 
This is a masterful bit of ballot stuffing. 
 
I would lodge a formal complaint if it weren't my plan to steal this ruse for the next votable gag thread.
 
Until next time myschief, until next time.
 
- Impotently shakes fist in the air.
 
2012-11-21 05:03:37 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: Do you like movies about gladiators?


2.bp.blogspot.com

Nice Turkey!

Thanks, I just had it stuffed!
 
2012-11-21 05:07:29 PM

Balchinian: Someone explain to me how a prank telephone call equates to "fun" for someone over the age of 14.


+1
 
2012-11-21 05:09:35 PM

myschief: I sponsored a few people that I thought were funny. Enjoy.

Maybe I'll come back later and do a few more.


If that was you Thanks! Have a great holiday!
 
2012-11-21 05:26:50 PM

rickythepenguin: myschief: I sponsored a few people that I thought were funny. Enjoy.

Maybe I'll come back later and do a few more.


ooh! oooh! oooooh! pick me! pick me! pick me pick me pick me pick me!


I TRIED THAT BEFORE YOU HUSSY.

i dont know why you're a hussy you just are okay
 
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