If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   How about a little pre-Thanksgiving fun? DIT   (fark.com) divider line 369
    More: Silly  
•       •       •

4863 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 2:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



369 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-11-21 12:35:09 PM

Spoon over Marin: And, red.


Dammit fark. You're no fun.
 
2012-11-21 12:35:18 PM
How do I burn a turkey to ensure that only female firefighters respond?
 
2012-11-21 12:35:52 PM
Are the turkeys I see in the woods now and then butterball turkey's? How do you wrangle them?
 
2012-11-21 12:37:10 PM
Can you eat 50 hard boiled eggs in an hour?
 
2012-11-21 12:37:32 PM
Boo. This should have gone green.

Totes greensies.
 
2012-11-21 12:38:41 PM
Do you deliver? I'd like one turkey for tomorrow around noon. They come cooked right?
 
2012-11-21 12:38:49 PM
I don't have enough money to buy a turkey. So if I go outside with my pellet gun and kill about 15 robins, pluck them and mush them all together, would the same cooking rules apply?
 
2012-11-21 12:39:06 PM

mryoop789: Boo. This should have gone green.

Totes greensies.


inorite?
 
2012-11-21 12:39:14 PM
Do you guys hate the nice mennonite guy who sold us our sustainably raised free range organic turkey?
 
2012-11-21 12:41:15 PM

generalDisdain: How do I burn a turkey to ensure that only female firefighters respond?


We actually have a tool called a "hose strap".....my brain is hurting trying to work that into a funny response...

/fail
 
2012-11-21 12:41:38 PM
Kwame- sign up for google voice and enable recording in settings. Then you just hit 4 on your phone during the call and it will record. You can download it as a mp3.
 
2012-11-21 12:44:15 PM
I want to feed the neighborhood so I am boiling turkeys in my hot tub. What's the ideal temp for this? Can you estimate how much salt and butter I should add to the water?
 
2012-11-21 12:45:04 PM

firemanbuck: generalDisdain: How do I burn a turkey to ensure that only female firefighters respond?

We actually have a tool called a "hose strap".....my brain is hurting trying to work that into a funny response...

/fail


I don't have the balls to search fetish sites for a female firefighter dominatrix. At least not yet... ;)
 
2012-11-21 12:45:27 PM
Also ask them how you should cook your turkey if you want your so to watch katy pervy with you while giving you an handrew jackson during the elmo scene, a blowie during the rhianna scene and to bang you while calling you daddy during the lady gaga scene.
 
2012-11-21 12:47:30 PM
Well, Kwame, that was fun. I look forward to the followup.
 
2012-11-21 12:47:32 PM

kwame: imapirate: This. Green this thing.

I can always wait and let voting go on for the rest of the afternoon if they choose to. This was meant to be internal fun, but if the doors are thrown open, so be it.


If it does get greened, just take the best 5 every hour and call
 
2012-11-21 12:49:31 PM

NickelP: Kwame- sign up for google voice and enable recording in settings. Then you just hit 4 on your phone during the call and it will record. You can download it as a mp3.


Ugh, I have to set up a Google Voice account and allow it access to my contacts on my phone. I think I'll just have to take notes and report back in text.
 
2012-11-21 12:51:05 PM

kwame: NickelP: Kwame- sign up for google voice and enable recording in settings. Then you just hit 4 on your phone during the call and it will record. You can download it as a mp3.

Ugh, I have to set up a Google Voice account and allow it access to my contacts on my phone. I think I'll just have to take notes and report back in text.


Just register on the computer and add your cell number. Initiate the call on the computer and it will ring your phone i think.
 
2012-11-21 12:55:27 PM

NickelP: Just register on the computer and add your cell number. Initiate the call on the computer and it will ring your phone i think.


Yes, but that then registers my number with Google, and I don't see any assurance that the number won't end up being shared. Not to be difficult, but I hate sharing my personal line when I don't have to.
 
2012-11-21 12:56:23 PM
My great aunt Irene insists that Butterball turkeys were named after a scene from Last Tango In Paris.
 
I have no reason to doubt her outside the fact that she is a raging alcoholic biatch, hellbent on mythos.
 
Can you set the record straight for me nice turkey lady?
 
2012-11-21 12:56:44 PM
I love this thread.
 
2012-11-21 12:58:48 PM

brap: My great aunt Irene insists that Butterball turkeys were named after a scene from Last Tango In Paris.
 
I have no reason to doubt her outside the fact that she is a raging alcoholic biatch, hellbent on mythos.
 
Can you set the record straight for me nice turkey lady?


UN RED THIS THREAD! YOU CAN DO IT! MAKE IT GREEN!
 
2012-11-21 01:02:04 PM
Remember when people used to call each other "Turkey" or "Jive Turkey" as the ultimate insult?
 
Did your P.R. firm turn that around?  Kudos to you and your crack team of "turkey boosters."  Did you know that Benjamin Franklin wanted the wild turkey to be the national symbol rather than the bald eagle?
 
Let's start a petition to make the Butterball Turkey (TM) the national symbol.
 
Now there's a bird I could salute!
 
 
I have written a new national anthem, feel free to use it in your promotions.
 
Hail hail Butterball
Best and juiciest turkey of them all
Under thy waving snood
Freedom is the prominant mood
When thine enemies see the fearsome bird popping its pop-up thermometer
Who will deny the predmominanter
of moods
Hail thy waving snooooooood.
 
Butterball to thine be true
dry or brined and deep fried too
Thank you Jesus for this food
Thank you to those who are not rude
Pass the biscuits for I must sop
The succulent gravy of freedom, every drop.
 
2012-11-21 01:02:34 PM
"My ring came off inside the bird and I didn't realize it until it was in the oven. Should I take it out now and dig for the ring, or will that mess up the timing?"
 
2012-11-21 01:03:56 PM

kwame: NickelP: Just register on the computer and add your cell number. Initiate the call on the computer and it will ring your phone i think.

Yes, but that then registers my number with Google, and I don't see any assurance that the number won't end up being shared. Not to be difficult, but I hate sharing my personal line when I don't have to.


NM that only works for incoming calls anyway. Figure out a way to do this for around $10 and I will pay for it.
 
2012-11-21 01:06:25 PM
I love you guys
 
2012-11-21 01:12:35 PM

whizbang: KingKauff: UN RED THIS THREAD! YOU CAN DO IT! MAKE IT GREEN!

OK who do I have to fark


Yourself
 
2012-11-21 01:12:40 PM

DVDave: "My ring came off inside the bird and I didn't realize it until it was in the oven. Should I take it out now and dig for the ring, or will that mess up the timing?"


That's actually pretty hilarious.
 
2012-11-21 01:20:48 PM

kwame: DVDave: "My ring came off inside the bird and I didn't realize it until it was in the oven. Should I take it out now and dig for the ring, or will that mess up the timing?"

That's actually pretty hilarious.


Sorry I was late to the party. I got stuck doing actual work for 45 minutes.
 
2012-11-21 01:24:50 PM

kwame: DVDave: "My ring came off inside the bird and I didn't realize it until it was in the oven. Should I take it out now and dig for the ring, or will that mess up the timing?"

That's actually pretty hilarious.


Change it to an engagement ring for the caller's GF for added hilarity.
 
2012-11-21 01:30:57 PM

MBK: "Can I stuff the turkey with a smaller turkey so I can enjoy turkey while I'm enjoying turkey?"


You inspired me to make this. Thank you.
i1325.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-21 01:39:15 PM
son of a b*tch.

They don't give you the option to wait for a "home economist." Just bump you to a pre-recorded selection of FAQs and tell you to try again another time.

I'll keep trying later. Will post a followup thread if it goes through.
 
2012-11-21 01:46:34 PM

kwame: son of a b*tch.

They don't give you the option to wait for a "home economist." Just bump you to a pre-recorded selection of FAQs and tell you to try again another time.

I'll keep trying later. Will post a followup thread if it goes through.


Want this to stay TFD, or would it be cool if it went green?
 
2012-11-21 01:47:27 PM

Moderator: kwame: son of a b*tch.

They don't give you the option to wait for a "home economist." Just bump you to a pre-recorded selection of FAQs and tell you to try again another time.

I'll keep trying later. Will post a followup thread if it goes through.

Want this to stay TFD, or would it be cool if it went green?


GREEN!
 
2012-11-21 01:48:57 PM

Moderator: kwame: son of a b*tch.

They don't give you the option to wait for a "home economist." Just bump you to a pre-recorded selection of FAQs and tell you to try again another time.

I'll keep trying later. Will post a followup thread if it goes through.

Want this to stay TFD, or would it be cool if it went green?


Green!
 
2012-11-21 01:51:29 PM

Moderator: Want this to stay TFD, or would it be cool if it went green?


Green is fun. Since the call line is overloaded right now, more time for funny submissions would be a good way to kill time. Thanks!
 
2012-11-21 01:51:57 PM
Thanks Moderator/Admins!
 
2012-11-21 01:53:08 PM
kwame has a gift for greens.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-11-21 01:57:15 PM
Kinda sucks that we can't vote until the thread goes green.
 
2012-11-21 01:58:05 PM

MBK: Kinda sucks that we can't vote until the thread goes green.


A whole two more minutes.
 
2012-11-21 02:00:27 PM
So, I had an unfortunate traffic incident on the way home from the store and wasn't able to get all of the gravel and glass shards from the windshield out of the turkey, but I don't want my wife to know about this or she'll leave me again. I can't afford to buy another turkey, but I was able to mold one out of instant mashed potatoes and cardboard. Is there some kind of turkey seasoning I can use to make it taste right?

Also, we're planning on deep frying the fake potato turkey this year, and it's never gone well. Can gravy be used for a burn salve before the ambulances arrive?
 
2012-11-21 02:01:30 PM
I want to support Sir Paul McCartney in his 'No Turkey' campaign. Do you sell Tofurkey I could prepare for my family? And is it okay to lie and tell them it's really a turkey?
 
2012-11-21 02:03:38 PM
"We cooked and started to eat a Pregnant Turkey. Are we going to DIE?!?!?!


cdn.ebaumsworld.com
Pregnant Turkey.....

/pops
 
2012-11-21 02:05:51 PM
Let me understand, you've got the turkey, the hen and the tom. The tom goes with the hen. Who's having sex with the turkey?!
 
2012-11-21 02:06:12 PM

Ceteris Paribus says: Turkeys CAN fly.


As God as my witness, I believe that to be true
 
2012-11-21 02:08:56 PM

ChipNASA: "We cooked and started to eat a Pregnant Turkey. Are we going to DIE?!?!?!


[cdn.ebaumsworld.com image 160x120]
Pregnant Turkey.....
/pops


That was pretty funny, but that turkey was burned to sh*t.....
 
2012-11-21 02:08:58 PM
I accidentally cooked the turkey inside the wrapper. It's all melted and stuck to the turkey now, but I wasn't planning on eating the skin anyway, so is it safe to eat?
 
2012-11-21 02:09:23 PM
"What size beer can should I use for making Beer Can Turkey? Two ounces per pound is what my alcoholic uncle has suggested."
 
2012-11-21 02:10:29 PM
I'm sure you get this question all the time but, who is your favorite Doobie Brother?
 
2012-11-21 02:10:57 PM
"Just how many people who've called you today have referenced The West Wing?"
 
Displayed 50 of 369 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report