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(Fark)   How about a little pre-Thanksgiving fun? DIT   (fark.com) divider line 369
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4862 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 2:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-21 12:18:03 PM

mryoop789: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Do you think this turkey would make a suitable sacrifice to appease the creature that lives in the lake by my house? If not, how many would you recommend?

Well, f*ck. My boss wanted to know what I was laughing at.


"Just laughing at kids with Down's Syndrome boss, nothing new."
 
2012-11-21 12:18:04 PM
If I stuff one of your delicious Butterball® turkeys with a duck, how can I best measure the internal temperature to ensure I don't kill anyone?
 
2012-11-21 12:18:18 PM

EviLincoln: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Do you think this turkey would make a suitable sacrifice to appease the creature that lives in the lake by my house? If not, how many would you recommend?

You have one of those too?


From the hissing and the glowing eyes I hear, I assume so. Either that or a really big unfriendly cat.
 
2012-11-21 12:18:23 PM

Spoon over Marin: myschief: I think this should be greened so we can see tons of ridiculous suggestions.

I upvoted.


YES!
 
2012-11-21 12:19:17 PM
Do you speak jive, turkey?
 
2012-11-21 12:19:59 PM

EviLincoln: Spoon over Marin: myschief: I think this should be greened so we can see tons of ridiculous suggestions.

I upvoted.

YES!


This. Green this thing.
 
2012-11-21 12:20:10 PM

themeaningoflifeisnot: I'm calling to file a complaint. My turkey came with legs, but no feet.


Go down to the carniceria, buy some chicken feet and tie them on....
 
2012-11-21 12:20:23 PM
I also upvoted.
 
2012-11-21 12:20:48 PM
Do you think that, in some alternate dimension, there are turkeys taking calls on how to best cook people?
 
2012-11-21 12:20:53 PM
From their site:

Over the years, the Butterball® Turkey Talk-Line experts have solved some puzzling turkey situations, like which pan to use, what to do when the turkey is on fire, and when to start roasting the turkey so it's ready by halftime.

???????
 
2012-11-21 12:20:54 PM

imapirate: EviLincoln: Spoon over Marin: myschief: I think this should be greened so we can see tons of ridiculous suggestions.

I upvoted.

YES!

This. Green this thing.


Doooooo IT!
 
2012-11-21 12:20:58 PM
Upvoted
 
2012-11-21 12:21:34 PM
Would taking the turkey out of the oven and massaging it a few times as it cooked make the meat softer?
 
2012-11-21 12:21:43 PM
Is turkey kosher? Is there some sort of ritual I could perform to make it clean?
 
2012-11-21 12:21:49 PM

imapirate: This. Green this thing.


I can always wait and let voting go on for the rest of the afternoon if they choose to. This was meant to be internal fun, but if the doors are thrown open, so be it.
 
2012-11-21 12:21:51 PM
i heard there was gonna be a statement.
 
2012-11-21 12:21:52 PM
I want to cook my turkey in an easy bake oven. What watt bulbs should I use and how long will it take?
 
2012-11-21 12:22:01 PM

kwame: From their site:

Over the years, the Butterball® Turkey Talk-Line experts have solved some puzzling turkey situations, like which pan to use, what to do when the turkey is on fire, and when to start roasting the turkey so it's ready by halftime.

???????


lol
 
2012-11-21 12:22:02 PM

EviLincoln: Would taking the turkey out of the oven and massaging it a few times as it cooked make the meat softer?


I think it would make the meat harder....
 
2012-11-21 12:22:31 PM

kwame: Really? Some of you used the "smartest" option, and one of you voted for a comment that wasn't even a suggested question? Man, some of you people are dumb.


If it wins, you still gotta ask it-

"One more thing, I think this should be greened so we can see tons of ridiculous suggestions?"

Them's the rules.
 
2012-11-21 12:22:36 PM

EviLincoln: Would taking the turkey out of the oven and massaging it a few times as it cooked make the meat softer?


hahahaha
 
2012-11-21 12:23:20 PM
I was using one of the turkey wings to touch things on my iPad just to see if it would think it was a human finger. Now I have grease all over my iPad screen. What's the best way to wash this off?
 
2012-11-21 12:23:53 PM
Is turkey a word for a really big chicken or is it a different animal?
 
2012-11-21 12:24:03 PM
When I dress the turkey, how do I know if it's a boy or a girl?
 
2012-11-21 12:24:38 PM
I dropped my turkey in the cat's litterbox, but I rinsed it off real good. It's okay, right? I put a lot of work into cooking this bird, and I don't want to disappoint my family by throwing it out.
 
2012-11-21 12:24:59 PM

mryoop789: When I dress the turkey, how do I know if it's a boy or a girl?


And how to you get the f*cking hat to stay on?
 
2012-11-21 12:25:12 PM

kwame: From their site:

Over the years, the Butterball® Turkey Talk-Line experts have solved some puzzling turkey situations, like which pan to use, what to do when the turkey is on fire, and when to start roasting the turkey so it's ready by halftime.

???????


That seems like a question firemanbuck would best address.
 
2012-11-21 12:25:45 PM
Will you be my new mommy?
 
2012-11-21 12:25:55 PM
I sleepwalk sometimes, and last night I accidentally threw the Thanksgiving turkey into the dumpster out back. I got up early this morning and killed and skinned a couple of raccoons. If I cook them right and carve when no one's looking, can I save this holiday?
 
2012-11-21 12:26:28 PM
My turkey has bruises on it. Tell me the truth: Is there a turkey fight club?
 
2012-11-21 12:26:29 PM

rostit: i heard there was gonna be a statement.


Unlikely tag
 
2012-11-21 12:26:35 PM
I already had my question answered
 
2012-11-21 12:26:56 PM
Has Butterball ever been contacted about a turkey neck stuck up someones butt? I have a few questions.
 
2012-11-21 12:27:12 PM

mryoop789: When I dress the turkey, how do I know if it's a boy or a girl?


I disabled the Smart and Funny buttons.
Please add a vote for this one, kwame.
 
2012-11-21 12:28:32 PM
How many questions do you get regarding dry testicles?
 
2012-11-21 12:28:47 PM

generalDisdain: Please add a vote for this one, kwame.


Will do.
 
2012-11-21 12:29:00 PM
Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where Ralphie's mom was making a turkey but left the room for a second and then the neighbor's dogs ran through the house and destroyed the turkey before the dad was able to shoo them away so the family had to go to a Chinese restaurant and ordered duck and the Chinese staff tried to sing Deck the Halls. That was hilarious, wasn't it?
 
2012-11-21 12:29:19 PM
Years ago when we were really into bad drugs, we kicked around the idea of injecting the turkey with morphine.

Ask them how many cc's of morphine per pound.
 
2012-11-21 12:29:23 PM

Ponzholio: mryoop789: When I dress the turkey, how do I know if it's a boy or a girl?

And how to you get the f*cking hat to stay on?


Staples, dude.
 
2012-11-21 12:30:05 PM
Upvoted.
 
2012-11-21 12:30:16 PM
Can you see me? I can see you.
 
2012-11-21 12:30:17 PM

Ponzholio: Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where Ralphie's mom was making a turkey but left the room for a second and then the neighbor's dogs ran through the house and destroyed the turkey before the dad was able to shoo them away so the family had to go to a Chinese restaurant and ordered duck and the Chinese staff tried to sing Deck the Halls. That was hilarious, wasn't it?


lol
 
2012-11-21 12:31:31 PM
Benjamin Franklin wanted our national bird to be the turkey. Will my local tea party think I'm a communist for eating this turkey and thereby dismissing our founding fathers?
 
2012-11-21 12:31:35 PM

Ponzholio: Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where Ralphie's mom was making a turkey but left the room for a second and then the neighbor's dogs ran through the house and destroyed the turkey before the dad was able to shoo them away so the family had to go to a Chinese restaurant and ordered duck and the Chinese staff tried to sing Deck the Halls. That was hilarious, wasn't it?


okay, that got a vote from me
 
2012-11-21 12:32:33 PM

EviLincoln: kwame: From their site:

Over the years, the Butterball® Turkey Talk-Line experts have solved some puzzling turkey situations, like which pan to use, what to do when the turkey is on fire, and when to start roasting the turkey so it's ready by halftime.

???????

That seems like a question firemanbuck would best address.


Wait until the proper amount of doneness is achieved and then blow it out....just like a marshmellow
 
2012-11-21 12:32:41 PM
I heard you secretly make tofurkey. Is it make from turkey?
 
2012-11-21 12:34:26 PM
And, red.
 
2012-11-21 12:34:38 PM
Is there a more politically correct name for them than "turkeys?" My cousin is bringing over her Muslim boyfriend and I don't want to offend him.
 
2012-11-21 12:34:43 PM
I can only laugh so much through my nose before snot comes out.
 
2012-11-21 12:34:52 PM
Say you just picked up a turkey and then ask the best way to kill it. Then squawk.
 
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