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(Slate)   Food critics really, really hate Thanksgiving. You know, that one time of the year when we eat food that tastes good and don't worry about how it's made, how many calories it has, or how hipster it is   (slate.com) divider line 13
    More: Obvious, Thanksgiving, food writer, Kama Sutra, editing, thin-slicing, green beans  
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6516 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 11:55 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-21 01:39:59 PM  
3 votes:

Prank Monkey: I am seriously considering laying off the booze this year in order to stuff more food in my face hole. This plan could be derailed by how my family behaves meeting the girlfriend's family for the first time.


You're doing it completely wrong. "Booze before food and the family is all good". At the dinner table you claim to have some obscure GI test the next day so you can't have solids. To celebrate and show much you value their company, you do shots of Wild Turkey. While they gorge themselves, you finish an entire fifth of Wild Turkey. The family looks with relief at the empty bottle, and starts drifting into topics more likely to set you off, like religion, politics, or the Giffords assassination attempt by the Israelis. Incest innuendos. You stagger into the garage and get another fifth of Wild Turkey. You steer the conversation to topics you have researched in the last week: the Gaza strip, the Begich Social Security bill, and how we might have to start taxing Roth IRAs upon withdrawal if things get any worse.

You'll probably black out sometime around 8pm if you time this right, but since you're on the couch and the TV is on you can blame the tryptophan which is the secret ingredient Jimmy Russell uses to distill Wild Turkey, which process is not banned in Kentucky. Wake up at 2am, go to fridge, stuff huge mouthfuls of turkey into your mouth. Vomit all over the front of the fridge. Bring dog over and leave paw prints in vomit around the kitchen so you don't get blamed.

Wake wife up at 3am. When she says you smell and she won't have sex unless you take a shower and brush your teeth, tell her the world doesn't revolve around her vag and you just want a ride to Walmart to do some Black Friday shopping.
2012-11-21 11:57:14 AM  
2 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I think Drew needs to modify the Fark filters to automatically change the word "hipster" into something more reflective of the vast majority of people who choose to use that term on here, something that accurately captures their general ignorance, laziness, and slavering desire to get in a meme wherever they can, regardless of its accuracy. I'm not exactly sure of what that might be, but I'm sure there's something.


Pretentious douchewaffle?
2012-11-21 10:17:00 AM  
2 votes:
dustinland.com
2012-11-21 09:14:45 AM  
2 votes:
I think Drew needs to modify the Fark filters to automatically change the word "hipster" into something more reflective of the vast majority of people who choose to use that term on here, something that accurately captures their general ignorance, laziness, and slavering desire to get in a meme wherever they can, regardless of its accuracy. I'm not exactly sure of what that might be, but I'm sure there's something.
2012-11-21 08:39:59 AM  
2 votes:
Just wait until they try my deconstructed pumpkin pie.
2012-11-21 01:39:09 PM  
1 votes:

tallguywithglasseson: Hell not to defend hipsters, but who's really more insecure? Some guy in a mustache wearing skinny jeans, or a guy who hasn't been out in months ripping some popular band he's never seen for being "hipster"?


I would say it would be the guy in the mustache wearing skinny jeans, because he would be ALSO ripping a popular band he's never seen before for being "hipster" (e.g. Arcade Fire) despite him most likely being a hipster himself.

Being hipster isn't just some innocent subculture, it's basically a person telling himself, "I am the utmost authority of what is 'the best' thing to do to be outside of the mainstream and I am different than anyone else. No one can understand what I have to go through in order to be different." While at the same time he congregates with people who look similar to him, have similar opinions and ideas, and basically eat, drink, and (if he does have a job) work in similar areas. Also, they seem to have a tenancy to copy other subcultures' styles (such as Punk, Goth, Mod, Rockabilly, Emo, ect) and virtually mix them all together (with the end product being horrid to see and experience), while trying to hold the claim that they invented their look and hold a distasteful opinion of people who are part of those subcultures as "conformist" (despite stealing those subcultures' ideals) and make members of those subcultures feel unwelcome and unwanted around them. Hipster isn't a subculture, it's a disease of the mind.
2012-11-21 12:18:17 PM  
1 votes:
How hipster my food is? My turkey wears a fedora and smokes a tobacco pipe. My cranberry sauce was raised by free range Indonesian picts. And my submitter needs to look up an obscure turn of phrase called 'beating a dead horse' it was coined by someone you've never heard of.
2012-11-21 11:59:53 AM  
1 votes:
Only hipsters complain about hipsters.

Also, "that one time of the year" ???? Really? Judging by how fat America is, that's every freakin day.
2012-11-21 10:20:28 AM  
1 votes:
That's why I only serve Maize ironically while dressed as Squanto. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go help buckle some hats.
2012-11-21 10:09:19 AM  
1 votes:
Cry me a river Yankee swine, Ramadan is no picnic either.
 
- Mohammad "Wildman" Fieri.  Food critic.
2012-11-21 09:37:12 AM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I think Drew needs to modify the Fark filters to automatically change the word "hipster" into something more reflective of the vast majority of people who choose to use that term on here, something that accurately captures their general ignorance, laziness, and slavering desire to get in a meme wherever they can, regardless of its accuracy. I'm not exactly sure of what that might be, but I'm sure there's something.


Ironic and Successful Unemployed Americans?
2012-11-21 09:20:28 AM  
1 votes:
I detect a strong whiff of loneliness and despair emanating from these "hipster" headlines. I can't help but think there's a wounded little boy behind all of them.
2012-11-21 08:50:19 AM  
1 votes:
Shut the fark up about hipsters
 
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