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(AZ Family)   Add 1 pro-secession Facebook post from your brother with 2 cups of white wine in your dad, stir in gloating election year results by your sister and you've got yourself one of the most volatile family Thanksgiving dinner in years   (azfamily.com) divider line 41
    More: Obvious, Thanksgiving, Facebook, school ages, extended family  
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8732 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 10:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-21 10:38:13 AM
11 votes:
My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".
2012-11-21 10:26:48 AM
7 votes:
Say this for Grace for big effect:

"Oh Chocolate Jesus,

We have venerated you with 4 more years, and you have blessed us with socialism and Obama phones. Grent us the strength to continue to mooch off the job creators.

in Joe Biden's name,

Amen"
2012-11-21 10:15:30 AM
7 votes:

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Bring a bottle of this and drink liberally

roguecity.files.wordpress.com
2012-11-21 12:20:01 PM
4 votes:

Mid_mo_mad_man: the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.

She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways


You've got a few options:

Option 1:
You: "That's not an appropriate topic of conversation in front of children."
Them: "There are no children here."
You: "Well there must be because no self-respecting adult would bring up that topic at dinner."

Option 2:
Rifle through their medicine cabinet beforehand, and when they ask, respond with "Actually we're experimenting. By the way, I noticed the Depends in the bathroom. I guess Grandpa is still quite the 'young buck' if that's what Gramma needs to contain the mess after sexy time. Have you considered vaginal sponges?"

Option 3: When BC comes up, act appalled and apologize profusely that they must be so desperate to hear tales of sex, now that they're getting on in years and they can't indulge themselves. "You know, I was worried about that. But it's ok, I came prepared." Smile knowingly, reach into your jacket, and, with a flourish worthy of Liberace, remove the copy of 50 Shades of Grey that you had stowed there just for this purpose. Before anyone can say anything, open it to a pre-marked page full of sex and begin reading with as much panache and over-the-top enthusiasm as you can gin up. If you do this right, you'll be able to get a solid paragraph in and your whole family will be so shell-shocked, they won't have said a word. At that point, close the book, smile beatifically, and say, "There, I hope that helped." Then stand up, toss a kleenex box at Gramps with a lascivious wink, take your girlfriend's arm, and walk out the door without looking back.
2012-11-21 10:42:26 AM
4 votes:

fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.


Why would they? With all that free Obam-urkey and mashed Obam-atoes and Obama'd greens and Obampkin pie for dessert and watching the big game on their Obamaphones, what is to be pissed off about?

/That's terrible, I'm sorry
2012-11-21 10:27:37 AM
4 votes:
My in-laws peel the skin off of the Turkey and throw it away, more proof that they are communist.

Now they let me have all of the skin, they are hoping I'll die of a heart attack. If they're happy then I'm happy.
2012-11-21 10:26:09 AM
4 votes:
This usually gets the ball rolling...
www.topatoco.com
2012-11-21 11:27:33 AM
3 votes:
MY family is still almost all local and because it's large we often invite "extras" to our table (35-40 is not unusual) including extended family of spouses and the like if they have small families. That's how we ended up setting the scene for the Most Awkward Thanksgiving Momenet ever:

Dramatis Personae:
MY Parents: Very devout Catholics, Very Republican, Very Irish when it comes to hospitality (even the kids table has small cordial-sized wine glasses on it) but overall decent people who taught us basic table manners such as don't chew with you mouth open and don't discuss politics or religion at the dinner table

MY eldest sister and her husband, both reasonable conservatives and decent folk. He's a Baptist and she converted so the kids wouldn't get confused

My Brother-in-Law's Sister: Even HE didn't like her. But as she had no friends of her own and their parents had both passed she was a "pity invite" A graduate of Washington Bible College, one of those institutions where they preach the evils of dancing and all form of drink, teach young earth Creationism, and hold that Catholics aren't really Christian and just associating with them puts you in danger of joining them in hell

My Next Eldest sister and Her Husband: Both very liberal and He, while not being outspoken about it, as a teacher had a need to challenge people that said stupid things. He too was raised Baptist but converted to Catholicism after marrying my sis.

This B-I-L's parents: Retired schoolteachers and he was also a baptist minister. Very elderly and VERY gracious in a way that only those raised in 1950's backwoods Virgina can be. Possesed of a dignity and gentility that is everything RIGHT about Southern culture.

My last Oldest sister: At the time in Her Extremely Liberal and Proud phase. A college professor, and the sponsor of her campus' GLBT Outreach club-which is saying something because this was the 90's and it was a Catholic College


So the family had been warned about "Carol" the bible-thumper and how Thanksgiving might be a tech awkward for her given her beliefs that we were all hell-bound pagans (it was the first time since the wedding 10 years ago that she'd ever shown up aat a gathering featuring our family). Given my parents views on the near-sacredness of hospitality and my family's unfortunate tendency towards irreverance and snark when together, we were warned to be on our best behavior and try to make her as comfortable as possible.

We were good, I swear we were. And the first two or three times "Carol" tried to bust out polarizing politcal talk someone deftly parried it into another topic or asked her to pass the stuffing.

But then, apropos of nothing, she busted out a rant about AIDS was obviously God's punishment for homosexuals and how the nation deserved the epidemic because of its sinfulness.

She's couldn't have messed up worse if she dropped a turd in the punchbowl.

You need to understand, my mom is a nurse, and in the early days of the AIDS epidemic one of the few who took care of AIDS patients without hesitation, even though that terrified her because at the time we had no idea how it was spread. I remember her coming home from work, changing clothes in the toolshed and hand-washing her nurses' whites with bleach because while SHE was willing to contract a fatal disease to do her job, she wasn't going to put her family at risk.(oldest and older sis were also a PA and a Nurse respectively and had mom's attitudes towards professionalism)

My Professor sister tired, for a few seconds, but she just could NOT let that go unchallenged, and gave, for her a faily mild rebuke of that opinion (because I'm psychic, I heard her mentally bite off her preferred reply of "So does that mean God REALLY likes lesbians becuase they have an even lower rate of HIV than even straight couples? "-something she later confirmed to me she was DYING to say)

But mild as it was it only spurred "Carol" on to making even more nasty and outrageous statements about dirty gays and God's deserved wrath. At his point my utterly conservative father's bald head was turning red at his efforts not to snap at her for her horrible manners, My mom's eyes revealed a war going on inside her between her commitment to making all her guests happy How angry she was getting. Her brother was glaring daggers at her, which she was willfully ignorning.

It was then that my teacher BIL, who strongly believed in that "The only thing evil require to triumph is for good men to do nothing" quote, butwho was trying to be good, especially in front of his parents, finally couldn't take it anymore and began saying something MUCH more unkind to "carol". But he never got the chance because when his father unexpectedly cut in. Carol had been fawning over him after she found out he was a co-religionist and a Minister to boot, and I suspect her little diatribe might have been to curry favor with him.

If so it didn't work,

In a soft, utterly genteel voice he turned to her and said "Young lady, I supect that college of yours may have neglected to teach you the true meaning of Christian Charity" and then proceeded to deliver a two or three minute lecture on tha nature of a loving God, his belief that god wants no man to suffer and how Jesus rather explicitly destroyed the argument that bodily illness' were somehow a sign of God's displeasure (and argument made all the more powerful since he was nearly blind and confined to a wheelchair). We all wanted to hug him or burst into appluase, but the would have been bad manners as Carol had already been thouroughly humiliated and had the Smack laid down on her from the most unexpected of places.

He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table


He's been a welcome guest at our Thanksgiving table ever since. Carol, oddly enough is always travelling on business that week and can never come.
2012-11-21 10:38:04 AM
3 votes:
Just change up the Thanksgiving prayer a bit:

"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!"
2012-11-21 10:27:19 AM
3 votes:

rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.


Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"
2012-11-21 10:22:47 AM
3 votes:
Any whiny butt-hurt loser at Thanksgiving can go sit at the kids' table and drink out of tiny Dixie cups and wait for their legitimate rape like the rest of them.

Wait...what?
2012-11-21 10:16:28 AM
3 votes:

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Post this on their Facebook Pages.

imageshack.us
2012-11-21 12:33:51 PM
2 votes:
Dear Abby: What wine should I serve at my family's Holiday dinner?

Abby: A lot.
2012-11-21 10:39:22 AM
2 votes:

Lydia_C: Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.

I can't help much, since I'm in a similar boat. Sorry.

Though I can say that most of the family will probably try to avoid politics this holiday, I dread the presence of my step-niece's husband. He's a WND fan, loves to take any opportunity to spout crap, looking for affirmation. The trouble is that he's also got a mental disability (really - it's a formally diagnosed medical condition), so I can't say much to counter him without looking like I'm trying to score on the intellectually disabled. I may have to get up and leave the room if he starts in, for the sake of my own sanity.


Pass the mashed potatoes to him and ask him to count them before you leave.
2012-11-21 10:20:05 AM
2 votes:
You generally don't have anything to worry about from white wine drinking dads. Except maybe some drama.
2012-11-21 10:16:04 AM
2 votes:

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


It will be me and my hippie/outdoorsman uncle vs. the rest of the family. We'll just get drunk and make fun of Republican policies all day. I'm looking forward to it.
2012-11-21 10:12:30 AM
2 votes:
White people problems.
2012-11-21 12:56:36 PM
1 votes:

Publikwerks: Say this for Grace for big effect:

"Oh Chocolate Jesus,

We have venerated you with 4 more years, and you have blessed us with socialism and Obama phones. Grent us the strength to continue to mooch off the job creators.

in Joe Biden's name,

Amen"


i'm going to email this to my mother-in-law to set her off. She's 1000 miles away so she should calm down by xmas
2012-11-21 12:52:48 PM
1 votes:

Frank N Stein: Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130


Ahhh, sweet, sweet, Republican Tears of Impotent Rage, so delicious!
2012-11-21 12:37:06 PM
1 votes:
Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130
2012-11-21 11:49:44 AM
1 votes:

Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun


Ouch. Good luck, man.
2012-11-21 11:37:41 AM
1 votes:

vudutek: This usually gets the ball rolling...
[www.topatoco.com image 650x271]


I have that bumper sticker. I haven't affixed it to anything yet though.

I had my (early) Thanksgiving dinner already. I was the only Obama voter (and lapsed Mormon) in a room mostly full of Mormon Romney voters (what a shock). The good thing is that we all know that politics is a no-discussion zone, and the evening was thoroughly enjoyable and lacking in stupid drama.

That's really all it takes: Just seek a "don't mention politics" amnesty, and if that doesn't work, just keep saying, "You all know I don't argue politics; can we talk about something less annoying, like the sizes and consistencies of everyone's last bowel movements? Mine was kinda pebbly; I think I need more roughage. What do you all suggest?"
2012-11-21 11:22:51 AM
1 votes:
Mother - dead over 20 years now
Father - dead over 20 years now
Grandparents - LONG time dead - about 40 years now
Sister - estranged for over ten years (good riddance, the biatch)
Everyone else - there is none
Mrs's relatives - either live too far away or not interested in getting together

Just me and Mrs BrianGriffin, who shares my views on everything except the entertainment worth of science fiction.

The recipe for a great Thanksgiving and Christmas = she, I, our dog Mamie, plenty of eats and booze, and a fire in the fireplace....ahhhh, bliss!
2012-11-21 11:04:24 AM
1 votes:

Slaves2Darkness: All look at all those precious middle class yuppie scum, shocked, shocked I tell you that this year at Thanksgiving it might not be all football, booze and family camaraderie.

I hated both Thanksgiving and Christmas right up until I quit attending family functions, now most of them are dead and it is a pleasant time of year. Yes, only after all four of my grandparents, father, mother, four uncles, and two aunts had been planted in the grave did Thanksgiving and Christmas become enjoyable.

Every year someone from my extended family would piss someone off, usually about the first or second week of October, then the offended party would stew about it until Thanksgiving when they would enact their revenge, which inevitably came after a copious amount of alcohol was consumed. The third act of this farking play would come at Christmas, because from Thanksgiving until Christmas the two sides would snipe at each other. On a good year it ended with someone passing out, on bad years the cops were called to break up the brawl.


As a kid I could not avoid being dragged to this family get together, but after I went away to college I always found an excuse to be elsewhere. It was not until I was in my 30's that I realized some people actually like getting together with their family, some people actually have a good time, for some people a family holiday meal does not end up with hurt feelings and black eyes.


Your Irish aren't you? You smell like one of us...
2012-11-21 10:57:40 AM
1 votes:

Publikwerks: First off I remind them that nothing has changed since 2010...


I'm with you there.
i.imgur.com
2012-11-21 10:51:25 AM
1 votes:

God Is My Co-Pirate: pxlboy: tricycleracer: rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.

Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"

ROFLMOAR

Bonus points if you can somehow show up in a Cadillac.


Dressed like this

digitaldaily.allthingsd.com
2012-11-21 10:47:40 AM
1 votes:
Simple Thanksgiving Game.

Change to the Petraeus affair whenever any other topic comes up.

Insist on an acting out of the various sexual positions that may have occurred during the affair among the various participants, including imaginary

Discuss how this game may be playing in San Francisco during the nudity protests.
2012-11-21 10:46:10 AM
1 votes:

fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.


Do blacks argue about which black politicians aren't racist enough?
2012-11-21 10:45:22 AM
1 votes:

padraig: You Americans are so lucky to have this vacation where you are basically FORCED to get all your family together. Makes for so much exciting drama. I mean it. You Christmas movies are always so cheerful and sugary, whereas your thanksgiving movies are full of neurosis and dysfunctionnal families. What fun !


And then we go out the next day for a full-contact consumerism bloodsport! What a country!
2012-11-21 10:44:42 AM
1 votes:

pxlboy: tricycleracer: rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.

Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"

ROFLMOAR


Bonus points if you can somehow show up in a Cadillac.
2012-11-21 10:44:00 AM
1 votes:
You Americans are so lucky to have this vacation where you are basically FORCED to get all your family together. Makes for so much exciting drama. I mean it. You Christmas movies are always so cheerful and sugary, whereas your thanksgiving movies are full of neurosis and dysfunctionnal families. What fun !
2012-11-21 10:39:23 AM
1 votes:

WTF Indeed: White people problems.


Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.
2012-11-21 10:39:18 AM
1 votes:

Your Zionist Leader: bborchar: My family doesn't even need politics to add drama to Thanksgiving...my idiot brother and his insufferable wife make sure every holiday is ruined. This year they aren't coming (they got mad over my parents not giving them money), but decided to still send insulting text messages to my sister and mother and refuse to let their kids come over for dinner. People are idiots if they let ideology get in the way of family...I'd take political banter over my brother and sil any day.

My two brother's wives are not allowed to be in the same room together they fight so bad. My oldest brother has three kids, and his wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. His stepdaughter is 17 and pregnant, his daughter is 13 and turning boy crazy. My SIL actually told my sister and I that we were prudes because we didn't think it was ok for a 13 year old to have their boyfriend spend the night in their room with the door closed.


Can she make butter and sketti?
2012-11-21 10:22:17 AM
1 votes:
Our two family traditions are being Democrats and Dallas Cowboys fans. So the only thing that will piss us off regarding Washington will be our beloved Cowboys getting beat by the Redskins.
2012-11-21 10:20:58 AM
1 votes:
Wine on the table huh? You know they all drove drunk after their meal.

Where's the dui outrage? WHERE ARE THE BADGE-LICKERS?
2012-11-21 10:19:08 AM
1 votes:

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


This is for sale: e Sweater Shop ( http://www.notyouraveragesweater.com/shopping/pgm-more_information.php ?id=419)

www.notyouraveragesweater.com
2012-11-21 10:17:47 AM
1 votes:
I face the same problems Jae, and my solution is 2 fold:

First off I remind them that nothing has changed since 2010, and that the world isn't going to end. The republicans will stop anything like Obamacare from passing(remember, they consider Obamacare to be a bad thing).

Secondly, if that doesn't work(and it usually doesn't) remind them that there are other things they need to worry about, and change the subject to sports or kids.

If that doesn't work, go nuclear. Pull out your smart phone and start gushing about your "Obama-phone".
Then talk up how Hamas is the victim and how Bengazi isn't a big deal.
2012-11-21 10:17:44 AM
1 votes:
Can't wait to spend the day with my in-laws. They keep a portrait of Stalin over the mantle.
2012-11-21 10:17:11 AM
1 votes:
www.8-bitcentral.com
2012-11-21 10:17:05 AM
1 votes:
I had Thanksgiving last weekend because that was the only time we could all get together.

My dad is a retired military officer who thinks Islamic fundamentalists are going to invade and conquer the United States. My sister picks stocks for a Wall Street firm. My brother is a biology researcher. I'm a computer programmer.

It was an epic 2v2.

/stepmother thinks she's a druid, so she just got drunk and talked about fairies or something
2012-11-21 10:12:22 AM
1 votes:
Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.
 
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