Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(AZ Family)   Add 1 pro-secession Facebook post from your brother with 2 cups of white wine in your dad, stir in gloating election year results by your sister and you've got yourself one of the most volatile family Thanksgiving dinner in years   (azfamily.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Thanksgiving, Facebook, school ages, extended family  
•       •       •

8758 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 10:10 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



138 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-11-21 10:12:22 AM  
Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.
 
2012-11-21 10:12:30 AM  
White people problems.
 
2012-11-21 10:14:41 AM  
I'm so glad my family doesn't go in for crap like this.
 
2012-11-21 10:15:30 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Bring a bottle of this and drink liberally

roguecity.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-21 10:16:04 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


It will be me and my hippie/outdoorsman uncle vs. the rest of the family. We'll just get drunk and make fun of Republican policies all day. I'm looking forward to it.
 
2012-11-21 10:16:27 AM  
I guess I'm lucky that my Family mostly shares my political views, and that they aren't pro-secession, anti-obama-at-any-cost republicans.
 
2012-11-21 10:16:28 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Post this on their Facebook Pages.

imageshack.us
 
2012-11-21 10:16:52 AM  
Pretty much everyone in my family either doesn't give a shiat about politics or is to the left of or somewhere around democrats, politics rarely come up other than the more gossipy/inside stuff.
 
2012-11-21 10:17:05 AM  
I had Thanksgiving last weekend because that was the only time we could all get together.

My dad is a retired military officer who thinks Islamic fundamentalists are going to invade and conquer the United States. My sister picks stocks for a Wall Street firm. My brother is a biology researcher. I'm a computer programmer.

It was an epic 2v2.

/stepmother thinks she's a druid, so she just got drunk and talked about fairies or something
 
2012-11-21 10:17:11 AM  
www.8-bitcentral.com
 
2012-11-21 10:17:44 AM  
Can't wait to spend the day with my in-laws. They keep a portrait of Stalin over the mantle.
 
2012-11-21 10:17:45 AM  
I'm not saying shiat, other than pointing out that recent rule changes due to Obamacare are allowing me to purchase health insurance, along with hundreds of thousands of others (if asked, that is.)
 
2012-11-21 10:17:47 AM  
I face the same problems Jae, and my solution is 2 fold:

First off I remind them that nothing has changed since 2010, and that the world isn't going to end. The republicans will stop anything like Obamacare from passing(remember, they consider Obamacare to be a bad thing).

Secondly, if that doesn't work(and it usually doesn't) remind them that there are other things they need to worry about, and change the subject to sports or kids.

If that doesn't work, go nuclear. Pull out your smart phone and start gushing about your "Obama-phone".
Then talk up how Hamas is the victim and how Bengazi isn't a big deal.
 
2012-11-21 10:17:56 AM  
This is the true meaning of Thanksgiving. It's a time for families to gather together and fight.
 
2012-11-21 10:19:08 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


This is for sale: e Sweater Shop ( http://www.notyouraveragesweater.com/shopping/pgm-more_information.php ?id=419)

www.notyouraveragesweater.com
 
2012-11-21 10:19:58 AM  
I'm lucky here. Everyone who'll be at dinner is on the same page, except my crazy tin-foil hat wearing brother, who's so far left he's right.

/but at least he can discuss in a civil manner.
 
2012-11-21 10:20:05 AM  
You generally don't have anything to worry about from white wine drinking dads. Except maybe some drama.
 
2012-11-21 10:20:58 AM  
Wine on the table huh? You know they all drove drunk after their meal.

Where's the dui outrage? WHERE ARE THE BADGE-LICKERS?
 
2012-11-21 10:21:13 AM  
This is why I don't understand why people bother with Thanksgiving.
It's just a pain in the arse, bunch of BS.
 
2012-11-21 10:21:30 AM  
Could not be worse than Bush v Gore with fat Tony and crew playing king maker
 
2012-11-21 10:22:17 AM  
Our two family traditions are being Democrats and Dallas Cowboys fans. So the only thing that will piss us off regarding Washington will be our beloved Cowboys getting beat by the Redskins.
 
2012-11-21 10:22:33 AM  

doczoidberg: This is why I don't understand why people bother with Thanksgiving.
It's just a pain in the arse, bunch of BS.

.
Do everyone a favor then and stay home.
 
2012-11-21 10:22:47 AM  
Any whiny butt-hurt loser at Thanksgiving can go sit at the kids' table and drink out of tiny Dixie cups and wait for their legitimate rape like the rest of them.

Wait...what?
 
2012-11-21 10:22:48 AM  
Which is why I will be having a nice drama free thanksgiving this year at my house with good friends :)
 
2012-11-21 10:23:09 AM  
My family doesn't even need politics to add drama to Thanksgiving...my idiot brother and his insufferable wife make sure every holiday is ruined. This year they aren't coming (they got mad over my parents not giving them money), but decided to still send insulting text messages to my sister and mother and refuse to let their kids come over for dinner. People are idiots if they let ideology get in the way of family...I'd take political banter over my brother and sil any day.
 
2012-11-21 10:23:36 AM  

david_gaithersburg: doczoidberg: This is why I don't understand why people bother with Thanksgiving.
It's just a pain in the arse, bunch of BS.
.
Do everyone a favor then and stay home.


Yeah, biatch. More dark meat for me.
 
2012-11-21 10:24:10 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Don't go. That simple
 
2012-11-21 10:24:13 AM  
Not going home for Thanksgiving this year. I'll give my siblings and their in-laws a year to calm the fark down before I get near them and a keg.
 
2012-11-21 10:25:04 AM  
content.internetvideoarchive.com
 
2012-11-21 10:25:23 AM  

Publikwerks: Pull out your smart phone and start gushing about your "Obama-phone".


See if you can find a ringtone of an "Obamaphone" version of the "Bananaphone" song. Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.
 
2012-11-21 10:26:04 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


I can't help much, since I'm in a similar boat. Sorry.

Though I can say that most of the family will probably try to avoid politics this holiday, I dread the presence of my step-niece's husband. He's a WND fan, loves to take any opportunity to spout crap, looking for affirmation. The trouble is that he's also got a mental disability (really - it's a formally diagnosed medical condition), so I can't say much to counter him without looking like I'm trying to score on the intellectually disabled. I may have to get up and leave the room if he starts in, for the sake of my own sanity.
 
2012-11-21 10:26:09 AM  
This usually gets the ball rolling...
www.topatoco.com
 
2012-11-21 10:26:48 AM  
Say this for Grace for big effect:

"Oh Chocolate Jesus,

We have venerated you with 4 more years, and you have blessed us with socialism and Obama phones. Grent us the strength to continue to mooch off the job creators.

in Joe Biden's name,

Amen"
 
2012-11-21 10:27:09 AM  
We've already had our pre-Thanksgiving blow-up. Since my right-wing secessionist nut parents are ten hours away, I'll be spared dealing with them this week in person. We're still trying to decide Christmas, though, and familial guilt is a powerful rod. Honest to god, the way my health has been going from dealing with them, I'm leaning towards 'they can farking stew up there in the asshole of nowhere.'
 
2012-11-21 10:27:19 AM  

rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.


Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"
 
2012-11-21 10:27:22 AM  
You know all the pictures of the old bloated ladies crying on election night because Mittens lost? Yeah... that is my aunt in a nutshell. My uncle is also a retired stockbroker. They bought the "don't re-nig" bumper stickers and Rick Perry pledge rings (when he was relevant).
I actually chose to have a pescetarian Thanksgiving with my grandparents rather than dealing with that much butthurt and conspiracy theory banter.
 
2012-11-21 10:27:33 AM  
Politics is interesting and important. If we can't discuss it cordially and intelligently even among our own families, we are truly doomed.

So, yeah... we are truly doomed
 
2012-11-21 10:27:37 AM  
My in-laws peel the skin off of the Turkey and throw it away, more proof that they are communist.

Now they let me have all of the skin, they are hoping I'll die of a heart attack. If they're happy then I'm happy.
 
2012-11-21 10:28:01 AM  

bborchar: My family doesn't even need politics to add drama to Thanksgiving...my idiot brother and his insufferable wife make sure every holiday is ruined. This year they aren't coming (they got mad over my parents not giving them money), but decided to still send insulting text messages to my sister and mother and refuse to let their kids come over for dinner. People are idiots if they let ideology get in the way of family...I'd take political banter over my brother and sil any day.


My two brother's wives are not allowed to be in the same room together they fight so bad. My oldest brother has three kids, and his wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. His stepdaughter is 17 and pregnant, his daughter is 13 and turning boy crazy. My SIL actually told my sister and I that we were prudes because we didn't think it was ok for a 13 year old to have their boyfriend spend the night in their room with the door closed.
 
2012-11-21 10:29:10 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Know that there are many of us out there just like you. I don't know how to deal with this issue either (my neo-con dad is seriously scaring me lately) but I love my family and I remind them of that fact when things get too tense. Good luck and FSM help us all tomorrow.
 
2012-11-21 10:30:26 AM  

SkunkWerks: [www.8-bitcentral.com image 850x560]


It took me a second, but I recognize it now.
 
2012-11-21 10:32:04 AM  

tricycleracer: rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.

Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"


ROFLMOAR
 
2012-11-21 10:36:04 AM  
Jae0o0: "I can avoid politics. They cant."

What are you, 12? Avoid them. Ignore them. Dick around on your phone or tablet. Get drunk. Watch football. Talk to your aunt who won't shut up about her damn cats. Leave early. etc.
 
2012-11-21 10:36:32 AM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


You will be facing a difficult battle.
 
2012-11-21 10:37:33 AM  
FTA: And now, it will all play out in person. In this family, the older generation is more liberal, the younger more conservative. So Andrew, a Republican, particularly expects friction with his aunt, Anne Brennan, 57.

How does this happen? If I had kids, I would feel I had failed as a parent, and failed to provide a proper education if they turned out to be Republicans.
 
2012-11-21 10:38:04 AM  
Just change up the Thanksgiving prayer a bit:

"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!"
 
2012-11-21 10:38:13 AM  
My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".
 
2012-11-21 10:38:13 AM  

Seussie: I'm lucky here. Everyone who'll be at dinner is on the same page, except my crazy tin-foil hat wearing brother, who's so far left he's right.

/but at least he can discuss in a civil manner.


HA! this is my family.. my brother... while he may not wear tinfoil, he saves his nail clippings in a jar in his closet and believes sarah palin would have been our savior..... OH!!! he also keeps his wisdom teeth that he got taken out at the ripe age of 19 (note: he's 41) in a napkin in his jacket pocket. carries them around with him 24x7
 
2012-11-21 10:38:23 AM  
' "The proper term is more, dissentious," he says'

No it isn't.
 
2012-11-21 10:39:18 AM  

Your Zionist Leader: bborchar: My family doesn't even need politics to add drama to Thanksgiving...my idiot brother and his insufferable wife make sure every holiday is ruined. This year they aren't coming (they got mad over my parents not giving them money), but decided to still send insulting text messages to my sister and mother and refuse to let their kids come over for dinner. People are idiots if they let ideology get in the way of family...I'd take political banter over my brother and sil any day.

My two brother's wives are not allowed to be in the same room together they fight so bad. My oldest brother has three kids, and his wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. His stepdaughter is 17 and pregnant, his daughter is 13 and turning boy crazy. My SIL actually told my sister and I that we were prudes because we didn't think it was ok for a 13 year old to have their boyfriend spend the night in their room with the door closed.


Can she make butter and sketti?
 
2012-11-21 10:39:22 AM  

Lydia_C: Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.

I can't help much, since I'm in a similar boat. Sorry.

Though I can say that most of the family will probably try to avoid politics this holiday, I dread the presence of my step-niece's husband. He's a WND fan, loves to take any opportunity to spout crap, looking for affirmation. The trouble is that he's also got a mental disability (really - it's a formally diagnosed medical condition), so I can't say much to counter him without looking like I'm trying to score on the intellectually disabled. I may have to get up and leave the room if he starts in, for the sake of my own sanity.


Pass the mashed potatoes to him and ask him to count them before you leave.
 
2012-11-21 10:39:23 AM  

WTF Indeed: White people problems.


Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.
 
2012-11-21 10:39:43 AM  
I'm so glad that most of my immediate family are pretty liberal, so this is a non-issue around the dinner table, we just fight about the normal family dysfunctional stuff. I have some extended Republican family, but they are more of the New England/libertarian style republicans and live in the woods on the Northeast coast, however, some are very religious and right wing and fairly irritating in that regard, yet remain fairly civil in their discourse, even if their beliefs themselves are fairly out there, because of the whole being from New England thing. Thankfully, I won't be seeing them this year. I'll see them at some point over the next year I'm sure and they will have had plenty of time to get over the election (they've already stopped pouting on Facebook and are back to posting pictures of food and children) and we can go back to talking about the moose they saw in their back yard or something like that.
 
2012-11-21 10:40:57 AM  

lohphat: Your Zionist Leader: bborchar: My family doesn't even need politics to add drama to Thanksgiving...my idiot brother and his insufferable wife make sure every holiday is ruined. This year they aren't coming (they got mad over my parents not giving them money), but decided to still send insulting text messages to my sister and mother and refuse to let their kids come over for dinner. People are idiots if they let ideology get in the way of family...I'd take political banter over my brother and sil any day.

My two brother's wives are not allowed to be in the same room together they fight so bad. My oldest brother has three kids, and his wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. His stepdaughter is 17 and pregnant, his daughter is 13 and turning boy crazy. My SIL actually told my sister and I that we were prudes because we didn't think it was ok for a 13 year old to have their boyfriend spend the night in their room with the door closed.

Can she make butter and sketti?


The last time that particular SIL tried to cook, she burned down a 100 year old house. I hesitate to think what her spawn would do if released around open flame
 
2012-11-21 10:41:59 AM  

dilettantegrrl: Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.

Know that there are many of us out there just like you. I don't know how to deal with this issue either (my neo-con dad is seriously scaring me lately) but I love my family and I remind them of that fact when things get too tense. Good luck and FSM help us all tomorrow.


When they start in, quietly get up, leave the table, open the front door, and head out to a bar where you'll be around people with a common purpose.

Once your family realizes your're gone, they may get the message.
 
2012-11-21 10:42:26 AM  

fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.


Why would they? With all that free Obam-urkey and mashed Obam-atoes and Obama'd greens and Obampkin pie for dessert and watching the big game on their Obamaphones, what is to be pissed off about?

/That's terrible, I'm sorry
 
2012-11-21 10:43:27 AM  

suthrnrunt: HA! this is my family.. my brother... while he may not wear tinfoil, he saves his nail clippings in a jar in his closet and believes sarah palin would have been our savior..... OH!!! he also keeps his wisdom teeth that he got taken out at the ripe age of 19 (note: he's 41) in a napkin in his jacket pocket. carries them around with him 24x7


That's not so much a political issue but a diagnosis found somewhere in deep the bowels of the DSM IV
 
2012-11-21 10:44:00 AM  
You Americans are so lucky to have this vacation where you are basically FORCED to get all your family together. Makes for so much exciting drama. I mean it. You Christmas movies are always so cheerful and sugary, whereas your thanksgiving movies are full of neurosis and dysfunctionnal families. What fun !
 
2012-11-21 10:44:06 AM  

tommyl66: fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.

Why would they? With all that free Obam-urkey and mashed Obam-atoes and Obama'd greens and Obampkin pie for dessert and watching the big game on their Obamaphones, what is to be pissed off about?

/That's terrible, I'm sorry


I chuckled
 
2012-11-21 10:44:42 AM  

pxlboy: tricycleracer: rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.

Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"

ROFLMOAR


Bonus points if you can somehow show up in a Cadillac.
 
2012-11-21 10:45:22 AM  

padraig: You Americans are so lucky to have this vacation where you are basically FORCED to get all your family together. Makes for so much exciting drama. I mean it. You Christmas movies are always so cheerful and sugary, whereas your thanksgiving movies are full of neurosis and dysfunctionnal families. What fun !


And then we go out the next day for a full-contact consumerism bloodsport! What a country!
 
2012-11-21 10:46:10 AM  

fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.


Do blacks argue about which black politicians aren't racist enough?
 
2012-11-21 10:47:35 AM  

Grimlock2099: My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".


That was beautiful... My eyes are still watering from the laughter.
 
2012-11-21 10:47:40 AM  
Simple Thanksgiving Game.

Change to the Petraeus affair whenever any other topic comes up.

Insist on an acting out of the various sexual positions that may have occurred during the affair among the various participants, including imaginary

Discuss how this game may be playing in San Francisco during the nudity protests.
 
2012-11-21 10:47:51 AM  
All look at all those precious middle class yuppie scum, shocked, shocked I tell you that this year at Thanksgiving it might not be all football, booze and family camaraderie.

I hated both Thanksgiving and Christmas right up until I quit attending family functions, now most of them are dead and it is a pleasant time of year. Yes, only after all four of my grandparents, father, mother, four uncles, and two aunts had been planted in the grave did Thanksgiving and Christmas become enjoyable.

Every year someone from my extended family would piss someone off, usually about the first or second week of October, then the offended party would stew about it until Thanksgiving when they would enact their revenge, which inevitably came after a copious amount of alcohol was consumed. The third act of this farking play would come at Christmas, because from Thanksgiving until Christmas the two sides would snipe at each other. On a good year it ended with someone passing out, on bad years the cops were called to break up the brawl.


As a kid I could not avoid being dragged to this family get together, but after I went away to college I always found an excuse to be elsewhere. It was not until I was in my 30's that I realized some people actually like getting together with their family, some people actually have a good time, for some people a family holiday meal does not end up with hurt feelings and black eyes.
 
2012-11-21 10:48:52 AM  

Your Zionist Leader:
The last time that particular SIL tried to cook, she burned down a 100 year old house. I hesitate to think what her spawn would do if released around open flame


I think we all need many more details on this event. Purely for our own edification and safety, you understand, and not at all for purposes of stock-piling enough schadenfreude material to get ourselves through tomorrow with subvocal mutterings of "it could be worse... it could be worse... it could be worse..." rather than shoving Great Aunt Sue's face into the gravy after she accidentally ruins it when she mistakes the gravy boat for her denture bowl.
 
2012-11-21 10:50:49 AM  
My family usually ends up "settling" our differences outside while playing some pigskin. I'm apart of the liberal side of the family (and the oldest and largest of the men) and we usually dominate the field. Sadly I was out last year with a broken foot due to a crazy night of dancing, so we libs look to reclaim the mantle and will chant four more years all the way back home.

Grandparents still get a little pissy when I don't pray with everyone else before supper (I just calmly sit there), but I'm the best of the grandchildren so they don't say much about it. It's pretty easy to throw their religious judgement back in their faces when the "most adamantly religious" among the grandchildren is a huge fark-up with a shiatty attitude. I just point at my ultra-religious cousin and say, "So you want me to be more like him?". That shuts 'em up real damn quick.

/Sorry for the rant; we have a quirky family, but the love is always there
 
2012-11-21 10:51:16 AM  

the_vicious_fez: Your Zionist Leader:
The last time that particular SIL tried to cook, she burned down a 100 year old house. I hesitate to think what her spawn would do if released around open flame

I think we all need many more details on this event. Purely for our own edification and safety, you understand, and not at all for purposes of stock-piling enough schadenfreude material to get ourselves through tomorrow with subvocal mutterings of "it could be worse... it could be worse... it could be worse..." rather than shoving Great Aunt Sue's face into the gravy after she accidentally ruins it when she mistakes the gravy boat for her denture bowl.


Nothing too terribly exciting, she left both the stove and the oven on and went to bed
 
2012-11-21 10:51:25 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: pxlboy: tricycleracer: rufus-t-firefly: Then make sure you get a few phone calls during dinner.

Just set a few alarms and use that ringtone as the alarm sound. "Excuse me, I have to take this. My case worker is getting me car payment-assistance and a free laptop. Thank God for that Obama!"

ROFLMOAR

Bonus points if you can somehow show up in a Cadillac.


Dressed like this

digitaldaily.allthingsd.com
 
2012-11-21 10:57:25 AM  
Subby has been peeking at my inlaws again...

This year probably won't be too bad. Yeah, there will be the typical crap but my commie socialist arse is used to it. But this year, with stores opening on Thursday night, that means that my younger brother in law and his wife will get the slings and arrows for leaving to go shopping and the old folks will be so distracted by that they won't notice we will leave to go to MY family who will be gathering for a meal for the first time in 6 years because both my sister (who lives in the south) and my cousin (who lives overseas) will both be in town. PLUS we will do the typical Friday get together with my family too, as is tradition.

My wife usually asks why we spend three days with her fmaily and only a few hours with mine. This year; DIFFERENT.
 
2012-11-21 10:57:40 AM  

Publikwerks: First off I remind them that nothing has changed since 2010...


I'm with you there.
i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-21 10:58:47 AM  

Another Pretentious Nickname: Politics is interesting and important. If we can't discuss it cordially and intelligently even among our own families, we are truly doomed.

So, yeah... we are truly doomed


Because no one discusses politics anymore or issues, instead the discussions more or less revolve around name calling, hyperboles, the repetition of "things" people have heard without any sort of understanding of the issue, and are almost all aimed at trying to make the person you are having a "discussion" with or about look stupid. Everyone is caught up with party affiliations and these silly stereotypes and fabricated ideas of the opposition, they have lost sight of what matters.

My outlook on fiscal policies is mostly conservative, but when it comes to social issues mostly liberal. I cannot have any sort of discussion with pretty much anyone without being asked or labeled as either a "Republican" or "Democrat" which after this occurs, it doesn't matter WHAT I say as the person's mind is already made up. You know why I find that sad is because politicians have successfully brainwashed America to rely on what they and their mass-marketing group (any vocal talking head with an agenda) have to say. Independent thought is not encouraged. What would be truly interesting is if the ballots did not put the "straight party ticket" option on them and if the ballots did not list the candidate's party platform. Force people to ACTUALLY do some research into who they are voting for.
 
2012-11-21 11:02:10 AM  
We don't even need to get into politics to get tempers up. My sitting silently and politely while my in-laws say grace has annoyed them every year we have thanksgiving at their house. They expect me to bow my head and say amen with them since apparently they want a son in law who allows himself to be bullied rather than one with beliefs that don't line up with their own.
 
2012-11-21 11:02:54 AM  

suthrnrunt: HA! this is my family..


My brother voted for Anderson one year, and Ross Perot the other. He's not foxnewsy, more a hippy channeling that crazy dude from repo man.

Here's a quote "when the bann-hammer comes, I'll be racing towards that hidden cave we know about in Ky, because you know, the radioactive winds will sweep around those mountains, not over them!"

/right bro
//whatever you say
///pass the mashed!
 
2012-11-21 11:04:24 AM  

Slaves2Darkness: All look at all those precious middle class yuppie scum, shocked, shocked I tell you that this year at Thanksgiving it might not be all football, booze and family camaraderie.

I hated both Thanksgiving and Christmas right up until I quit attending family functions, now most of them are dead and it is a pleasant time of year. Yes, only after all four of my grandparents, father, mother, four uncles, and two aunts had been planted in the grave did Thanksgiving and Christmas become enjoyable.

Every year someone from my extended family would piss someone off, usually about the first or second week of October, then the offended party would stew about it until Thanksgiving when they would enact their revenge, which inevitably came after a copious amount of alcohol was consumed. The third act of this farking play would come at Christmas, because from Thanksgiving until Christmas the two sides would snipe at each other. On a good year it ended with someone passing out, on bad years the cops were called to break up the brawl.


As a kid I could not avoid being dragged to this family get together, but after I went away to college I always found an excuse to be elsewhere. It was not until I was in my 30's that I realized some people actually like getting together with their family, some people actually have a good time, for some people a family holiday meal does not end up with hurt feelings and black eyes.


Your Irish aren't you? You smell like one of us...
 
2012-11-21 11:05:24 AM  

the money is in the banana stand: I cannot have any sort of discussion with pretty much anyone without being asked or labeled as either a "Republican" or "Democrat"


Yep. One sister calls me a CON, the father calls me a LIB.

Will be spending Thanksgiving with people who call me 'Capie' this year.
 
2012-11-21 11:06:15 AM  

fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.


You have an entire culture where independence of thought and image is looked down upon. Of course they don't get into political discussions because almost everyone is in conformity and agreement. Dress different or think differently? Uncle Tom, why are you trying to be white? Pretty sad really.
 
2012-11-21 11:11:35 AM  
Thank heavens it's just me and my parents this year. We're all liberal and we actually like each other, so all's well.

Happily the extended family just gets together for reunions in the summer; if there are too many conservative rants I can always excuse myself to go down to the river to watch the kids.

"No Uncle X, that big buck nibong who looked at your car isn't going to steal it. If you'll excuse me, I'd best check on the kids to make sure they don't drown." Sigh.
 
2012-11-21 11:13:31 AM  

the money is in the banana stand: fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.

You have an entire culture where independence of thought and image is looked down upon. Of course they don't get into political discussions because almost everyone is in conformity and agreement. Dress different or think differently? Uncle Tom, why are you trying to be white? Pretty sad really.


I can believe that. A good friend of mine gets that a lot, too. It can't be easy to be black and nerdy in a culture that would brand you as "acting white".
 
2012-11-21 11:19:12 AM  
In fact, things have gotten so tense over politics between Brian Davidson, a 40-year-old attorney in Helena, and his father, 130 miles away in Russellville, that they've changed plans, forgoing their usual gathering.

"We're not even going," says Brian, who voted for Barack Obama, and describes his father as "a little to the right of Glenn Beck." Better to skip this one, he says, than suffer "a non-recoverable blowup."


I live in Helena, AL so I'm getting a kick...

It's a totally whitebread, boring suburb of Birmingham. Obama voters are pretty thin on the ground around here. The derp factor isn't as high as other places, but very white cracker Republican sort of area.
 
2012-11-21 11:21:55 AM  
Yeah, politics with family can sui. These days though, I'm far enough off in lefty la-la land that we can agree that Obama indeed bad and move on to a different topic before getting to substantive stuff that'll start an argument.

Not that I mind throwing down, but its a day for Turkey, football and togetherness.
 
2012-11-21 11:22:51 AM  
Mother - dead over 20 years now
Father - dead over 20 years now
Grandparents - LONG time dead - about 40 years now
Sister - estranged for over ten years (good riddance, the biatch)
Everyone else - there is none
Mrs's relatives - either live too far away or not interested in getting together

Just me and Mrs BrianGriffin, who shares my views on everything except the entertainment worth of science fiction.

The recipe for a great Thanksgiving and Christmas = she, I, our dog Mamie, plenty of eats and booze, and a fire in the fireplace....ahhhh, bliss!
 
2012-11-21 11:24:04 AM  
The one bright spot in the article is the very last line. It gives me hope for America.
 
2012-11-21 11:26:15 AM  
Ya' know, if you don't like being around your family on Thanksgiving stay home.
 
2012-11-21 11:27:33 AM  
MY family is still almost all local and because it's large we often invite "extras" to our table (35-40 is not unusual) including extended family of spouses and the like if they have small families. That's how we ended up setting the scene for the Most Awkward Thanksgiving Momenet ever:

Dramatis Personae:
MY Parents: Very devout Catholics, Very Republican, Very Irish when it comes to hospitality (even the kids table has small cordial-sized wine glasses on it) but overall decent people who taught us basic table manners such as don't chew with you mouth open and don't discuss politics or religion at the dinner table

MY eldest sister and her husband, both reasonable conservatives and decent folk. He's a Baptist and she converted so the kids wouldn't get confused

My Brother-in-Law's Sister: Even HE didn't like her. But as she had no friends of her own and their parents had both passed she was a "pity invite" A graduate of Washington Bible College, one of those institutions where they preach the evils of dancing and all form of drink, teach young earth Creationism, and hold that Catholics aren't really Christian and just associating with them puts you in danger of joining them in hell

My Next Eldest sister and Her Husband: Both very liberal and He, while not being outspoken about it, as a teacher had a need to challenge people that said stupid things. He too was raised Baptist but converted to Catholicism after marrying my sis.

This B-I-L's parents: Retired schoolteachers and he was also a baptist minister. Very elderly and VERY gracious in a way that only those raised in 1950's backwoods Virgina can be. Possesed of a dignity and gentility that is everything RIGHT about Southern culture.

My last Oldest sister: At the time in Her Extremely Liberal and Proud phase. A college professor, and the sponsor of her campus' GLBT Outreach club-which is saying something because this was the 90's and it was a Catholic College


So the family had been warned about "Carol" the bible-thumper and how Thanksgiving might be a tech awkward for her given her beliefs that we were all hell-bound pagans (it was the first time since the wedding 10 years ago that she'd ever shown up aat a gathering featuring our family). Given my parents views on the near-sacredness of hospitality and my family's unfortunate tendency towards irreverance and snark when together, we were warned to be on our best behavior and try to make her as comfortable as possible.

We were good, I swear we were. And the first two or three times "Carol" tried to bust out polarizing politcal talk someone deftly parried it into another topic or asked her to pass the stuffing.

But then, apropos of nothing, she busted out a rant about AIDS was obviously God's punishment for homosexuals and how the nation deserved the epidemic because of its sinfulness.

She's couldn't have messed up worse if she dropped a turd in the punchbowl.

You need to understand, my mom is a nurse, and in the early days of the AIDS epidemic one of the few who took care of AIDS patients without hesitation, even though that terrified her because at the time we had no idea how it was spread. I remember her coming home from work, changing clothes in the toolshed and hand-washing her nurses' whites with bleach because while SHE was willing to contract a fatal disease to do her job, she wasn't going to put her family at risk.(oldest and older sis were also a PA and a Nurse respectively and had mom's attitudes towards professionalism)

My Professor sister tired, for a few seconds, but she just could NOT let that go unchallenged, and gave, for her a faily mild rebuke of that opinion (because I'm psychic, I heard her mentally bite off her preferred reply of "So does that mean God REALLY likes lesbians becuase they have an even lower rate of HIV than even straight couples? "-something she later confirmed to me she was DYING to say)

But mild as it was it only spurred "Carol" on to making even more nasty and outrageous statements about dirty gays and God's deserved wrath. At his point my utterly conservative father's bald head was turning red at his efforts not to snap at her for her horrible manners, My mom's eyes revealed a war going on inside her between her commitment to making all her guests happy How angry she was getting. Her brother was glaring daggers at her, which she was willfully ignorning.

It was then that my teacher BIL, who strongly believed in that "The only thing evil require to triumph is for good men to do nothing" quote, butwho was trying to be good, especially in front of his parents, finally couldn't take it anymore and began saying something MUCH more unkind to "carol". But he never got the chance because when his father unexpectedly cut in. Carol had been fawning over him after she found out he was a co-religionist and a Minister to boot, and I suspect her little diatribe might have been to curry favor with him.

If so it didn't work,

In a soft, utterly genteel voice he turned to her and said "Young lady, I supect that college of yours may have neglected to teach you the true meaning of Christian Charity" and then proceeded to deliver a two or three minute lecture on tha nature of a loving God, his belief that god wants no man to suffer and how Jesus rather explicitly destroyed the argument that bodily illness' were somehow a sign of God's displeasure (and argument made all the more powerful since he was nearly blind and confined to a wheelchair). We all wanted to hug him or burst into appluase, but the would have been bad manners as Carol had already been thouroughly humiliated and had the Smack laid down on her from the most unexpected of places.

He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table


He's been a welcome guest at our Thanksgiving table ever since. Carol, oddly enough is always travelling on business that week and can never come.
 
2012-11-21 11:27:37 AM  
Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun
 
2012-11-21 11:29:53 AM  

obamadidcoke: Ya' know, if you don't like being around your family on Thanksgiving stay home.


But my affinity for free food and booze prohibits me from not attending.
 
2012-11-21 11:32:14 AM  
My dad has decided to have a small thanksgiving this year with just myself, my daughter and my sister. We used to have a big gathering with all of his brothers and sister, but the brother who usually holds it joined a cult and gave away all his earthly possessions, and now holds church services in his house with all of his adopted kids and the one daughter who follows his every word. Add to that the other brother who joined a fraternal order dominated by conservative Christians and has deemed it his mission to bring my dad back to Christ. My dad came out as an Atheist last year. He has been since I was a child, but didn't tell his siblings. They're devout Catholics so this didn't sit well. The same brother has become a Glenn Beck loving conservative who decries that Obama is the problem with everything, and illegals are ruining the country. I'll add that I come from a Hispanic family. The others aren't that bad, but will join in the Atheist bashing that will undoubtedly rear its ugly head.
It was going to be an awkward holiday anyway, so we decided we wanted to stay home and cook the turkey on the grill. It's just better that way.
 
kab
2012-11-21 11:32:58 AM  
It's adorable how worked up folks get about things they have zero control over.
 
2012-11-21 11:34:59 AM  

Godscrack: Wine on the table huh? You know they all drove drunk after their meal.

Where's the dui outrage? WHERE ARE THE BADGE-LICKERS?


Smart + Funny = Trolltastic
 
2012-11-21 11:36:13 AM  

Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table


That was a truly awesome story. Thanks for sharing :)
 
2012-11-21 11:37:14 AM  

Ikam: suthrnrunt: HA! this is my family.. my brother... while he may not wear tinfoil, he saves his nail clippings in a jar in his closet and believes sarah palin would have been our savior..... OH!!! he also keeps his wisdom teeth that he got taken out at the ripe age of 19 (note: he's 41) in a napkin in his jacket pocket. carries them around with him 24x7

That's not so much a political issue but a diagnosis found somewhere in deep the bowels of the DSM IV


i guess i should have typed more about how he believed sarah palin was a goddess to the survival of the country as a whole. but even that is delusional and could be contributed to crazy... like most hard core "i won't vote for anyone but republican no matter how bad they are" people.
 
2012-11-21 11:37:41 AM  

vudutek: This usually gets the ball rolling...
[www.topatoco.com image 650x271]


I have that bumper sticker. I haven't affixed it to anything yet though.

I had my (early) Thanksgiving dinner already. I was the only Obama voter (and lapsed Mormon) in a room mostly full of Mormon Romney voters (what a shock). The good thing is that we all know that politics is a no-discussion zone, and the evening was thoroughly enjoyable and lacking in stupid drama.

That's really all it takes: Just seek a "don't mention politics" amnesty, and if that doesn't work, just keep saying, "You all know I don't argue politics; can we talk about something less annoying, like the sizes and consistencies of everyone's last bowel movements? Mine was kinda pebbly; I think I need more roughage. What do you all suggest?"
 
2012-11-21 11:40:28 AM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun


That's awesome because, of course she does.
 
2012-11-21 11:41:40 AM  

gingerjet: Not going home for Thanksgiving this year. I'll give my siblings and their in-laws a year to calm the fark down before I get near them and a keg.


Yeah, same here. Seeing my wife's family instead, who canvassed for Obama but are perfectly content to focus the conversation on football, Grandkids, and whether or not this is the year somone beats Grandpa at Wii bowling.

My father is headed out to visit the Arizona wing of the family who simply cannot wait to start throwing up talking points and accusing my wife and I of being socialists (this before us even noting the fact that we volunteered for Obama's campaign). I wished him luck. It's not the retarded-ass ignorant viewpoints that I mind so much, nor is it the fact that any reasoned response or factual counter is met with stuttering and bewilderment. It's the five, maybe ten minutes of fake small talk before launching into their rant. It's like kids playing flag football having to count to 10 before rushing the quarterback - we know full well they don't give a shiat about us, our lives, or anything - it's just 'ugh, we have to pretend for two more minutes before we're allowed to demand accountability for Benghazi'.
 
2012-11-21 11:42:09 AM  

ChipNASA: Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.

This is for sale: e Sweater Shop ( http://www.notyouraveragesweater.com/shopping/pgm-more_information.php ?id=419)

[www.notyouraveragesweater.com image 450x600]


My family's love for the Princess Bride trumps any poltical differences we may have some I'm seriously thinking of wearing this to Thanksgiving:
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2012-11-21 11:43:24 AM  

heavymetal: Our two family traditions are being Democrats and Dallas Cowboys fans. So the only thing that will piss us off regarding Washington will be our beloved Cowboys getting beat by the Redskins.


Yeah, then I think I'd leave the TV off this time...
 
2012-11-21 11:48:52 AM  

conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.


I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad
 
2012-11-21 11:49:44 AM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun


Ouch. Good luck, man.
 
2012-11-21 11:54:57 AM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad


There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.
 
2012-11-21 12:00:48 PM  

the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.


The same should go for the elderly talking about their weird maladies at the dinner table. God DAMN, that used to ruin my dinner.
 
2012-11-21 12:04:32 PM  

the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.


She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways
 
2012-11-21 12:09:20 PM  

david_gaithersburg: Can't wait to spend the day with my in-laws. They keep a portrait of Stalin over the mantle.


My parents have the remarkably well-preserved corpse of Lenin in the den.
 
2012-11-21 12:15:23 PM  

Grimlock2099: My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".


If I had that kind of chutzpah...
 
2012-11-21 12:17:39 PM  
I'm going to my uncle's house apparently. My mom changed the plans last minute on us. She guilted me into going anyway because his wife died last year about this time and he's trying to put on something big to keep his mind off her.

My uncle, the man who wears a shirt that says "keep the white house white
I told her I may leave early saying I want to get in line for best buy black friday things.
 
2012-11-21 12:20:01 PM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.

She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways


You've got a few options:

Option 1:
You: "That's not an appropriate topic of conversation in front of children."
Them: "There are no children here."
You: "Well there must be because no self-respecting adult would bring up that topic at dinner."

Option 2:
Rifle through their medicine cabinet beforehand, and when they ask, respond with "Actually we're experimenting. By the way, I noticed the Depends in the bathroom. I guess Grandpa is still quite the 'young buck' if that's what Gramma needs to contain the mess after sexy time. Have you considered vaginal sponges?"

Option 3: When BC comes up, act appalled and apologize profusely that they must be so desperate to hear tales of sex, now that they're getting on in years and they can't indulge themselves. "You know, I was worried about that. But it's ok, I came prepared." Smile knowingly, reach into your jacket, and, with a flourish worthy of Liberace, remove the copy of 50 Shades of Grey that you had stowed there just for this purpose. Before anyone can say anything, open it to a pre-marked page full of sex and begin reading with as much panache and over-the-top enthusiasm as you can gin up. If you do this right, you'll be able to get a solid paragraph in and your whole family will be so shell-shocked, they won't have said a word. At that point, close the book, smile beatifically, and say, "There, I hope that helped." Then stand up, toss a kleenex box at Gramps with a lascivious wink, take your girlfriend's arm, and walk out the door without looking back.
 
2012-11-21 12:24:09 PM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Sounds like my in-laws, with whom I'm spending Thanksgiving. As far as they know, I'm a Christian Republican birther. It's just easier that way.

At least we're spending Christmas with my family, and my dad is actually fun to talk politics with. He hates politics and politicians, and had become steadily more liberal as he gets older (he's 65 now).

I will need all the strength of Fark, wine, and percocet to survive tomorrow. Hopefully my tongue will remain intact after biting it all day.
 
2012-11-21 12:33:51 PM  
Dear Abby: What wine should I serve at my family's Holiday dinner?

Abby: A lot.
 
2012-11-21 12:35:55 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table

That was a truly awesome story. Thanks for sharing :)


I read an awesome Thanksgiving story once, but it involved incest and a stick of butter... so...
 
2012-11-21 12:37:06 PM  
Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130
 
2012-11-21 12:37:11 PM  

Dimensio: Lydia_C: Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.

I can't help much, since I'm in a similar boat. Sorry.

Though I can say that most of the family will probably try to avoid politics this holiday, I dread the presence of my step-niece's husband. He's a WND fan, loves to take any opportunity to spout crap, looking for affirmation. The trouble is that he's also got a mental disability (really - it's a formally diagnosed medical condition), so I can't say much to counter him without looking like I'm trying to score on the intellectually disabled. I may have to get up and leave the room if he starts in, for the sake of my own sanity.

Pass the mashed potatoes to him and ask him to count them before you leave.


I'm going to hell for laughing so hard at that!

/coffee, nose, keyboard, boss looking at me funny, etc.
 
2012-11-21 12:42:17 PM  
 
2012-11-21 12:46:26 PM  
My parents are visiting my sister this year so I'm joining 25 Atlanta transplant hipsters for Thanksgiving. We were all at the same bar on election night.

Manuel's Tavern is not the place to be for conservatives on election nights.
 
2012-11-21 12:52:22 PM  

Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table


CSB.
 
2012-11-21 12:52:48 PM  

Frank N Stein: Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130


Ahhh, sweet, sweet, Republican Tears of Impotent Rage, so delicious!
 
2012-11-21 12:53:39 PM  

david_gaithersburg: Can't wait to spend the day with my in-laws. They keep a portrait of Stalin over the mantle.


http://eighties.weebly.com/uploads/7/4/6/1/746191/9937887.jpg
 
2012-11-21 12:56:36 PM  

Publikwerks: Say this for Grace for big effect:

"Oh Chocolate Jesus,

We have venerated you with 4 more years, and you have blessed us with socialism and Obama phones. Grent us the strength to continue to mooch off the job creators.

in Joe Biden's name,

Amen"


i'm going to email this to my mother-in-law to set her off. She's 1000 miles away so she should calm down by xmas
 
2012-11-21 01:23:02 PM  

the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.

She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways

You've got a few options:

Option 1:
You: "That's not an appropriate topic of conversation in front of children."
Them: "There are no children here."
You: "Well there must be because no self-respecting adult would bring up that topic at dinner."

Option 2:
Rifle through their medicine cabinet beforehand, and when they ask, respond with "Actually we're experimenting. By the way, I noticed the Depends in the bathroom. I guess Grandpa is still quite the 'young buck' if that's what Gramma needs to contain the mess after sexy time. Have you considered vaginal sponges?"

Option 3: When BC comes up, act appalled and apologize profusely that they must be so desperate to hear tales of sex, now that they're getting on in years and they can't indulge themselves. "You know, I was worried about that. But it's ok, I came prepared." Smile knowingly, reach into your jacket, and, with a flourish worthy of Liberace, remove the copy of 5 ...


Well considering they had 13 kids they must have plenty of sex. But the bc questions come from the fact that no one out side of Rome is more RC then them . Same people that won't admit that my aunt had a child out of wedlock that was given up for adoption.
 
2012-11-21 01:30:25 PM  

BrianGriffin: Mother - dead over 20 years now
Father - dead over 20 years now
Grandparents - LONG time dead - about 40 years now
Sister - estranged for over ten years (good riddance, the biatch)
Everyone else - there is none
Mrs's relatives - either live too far away or not interested in getting together

Just me and Mrs BrianGriffin, who shares my views on everything except the entertainment worth of science fiction.

The recipe for a great Thanksgiving and Christmas = she, I, our dog Mamie, plenty of eats and booze, and a fire in the fireplace....ahhhh, bliss!


My family's mostly still around, but I've still managed only two family thanksgivings in the last decade. But until this year they were also all scattered around the country. Then my sister moved out here and dad and brothers followed. I kinda forgot and scheduled the usual Thanksgiving with a pack of friends, so family got bumped to Friday.

More looking forward to the friends' schedule of hiking, food, then board games.
 
2012-11-21 01:38:16 PM  

WordyGrrl: Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.


Someones going to the nursing home with the ants.
 
2012-11-21 01:38:34 PM  

special20: CapeFearCadaver: Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table

That was a truly awesome story. Thanks for sharing :)

I read an awesome Thanksgiving story once, but it involved incest and a stick of butter... so...


Speaking of which, the goddamned grocery store was out of sticks for Country Crock both times I went there this week, had to get just the tub. Very disappointing.
 
2012-11-21 01:40:29 PM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: Well considering they had 13 kids they must have plenty of sex. But the bc questions come from the fact that no one out side of Rome is more RC then them . Same people that won't admit that my aunt had a child out of wedlock that was given up for adoption.


I don't care how much sex they have. That's not really the point. The point is to publicly shame them from asking such questions.
 
2012-11-21 01:42:26 PM  

Frank N Stein: Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130


I wish it was that simple. I'd be there otherwise. Except my own family's problems stem from pure dysfunction alone. The 'politics' portion of it is only an annoying commercial during a really bad made for Lifetime TV movie.
 
2012-11-21 01:43:01 PM  

WordyGrrl: Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.


No amount of Christmas present bribery could get me to show up at that whiny old bag's house.

/Besides, she never sent me a Google Maps link for directions
 
2012-11-21 02:16:02 PM  
We're getting together with friends, families of friends and neighbors of families of friends as we have for the past 15 years or so. A wide income, political and ethnic variety. Backgrounds from multiple Euro and Asian to American countries, which makes for an excellent food variety. The lifestyles range from the guy who's worried about what color to pick for his next BMW to the one who lives off the grid and grows his own food. Politics? Do not come up.
For the most part, we know where the other stands and respect it, as much as one might disagree. We're just having a good time, get stuffed and buzzed. There's more to life than arguing (about anything, really).
 
2012-11-21 02:40:40 PM  
I find it funny that people dread the political discussions. How hard is it to just not participate and get worked up? Enjoy the farking food, do you really feel compelled to defend your ideology or get into a non-sense argument? You can't be forced to partake in a discussion you don't want to be a part of. Just go watch football on tv or take a nap and avoid it. Not difficult.
 
2012-11-21 02:56:04 PM  
I never thought I'd feel relieved, having to shop for a Thanksgiving feast the night before the holiday, but apparently my MIL is pissed off at her kids and has canceled. And there's no way we're going to SIL's place, so it'll be a relaxing day of cooking (I love to cook), drinking, Xbox, smoking (you know what), and eating... DRAMA FREE!

Now I just have to survive the grocery store after work tonight...
 
2012-11-21 03:04:45 PM  
First one in my family to start yapping about politics gets a crotch punch.
 
2012-11-21 03:26:29 PM  

Grimlock2099: My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".


LOL. That was beautiful.

slowclap.gif
 
2012-11-21 03:42:44 PM  

Magorn: The Greatest Thanksgiving Story Ever Told.


Carol reminds me of my future brother-in-law. Maybe we should introduce them? (Or NOT!!)

Fortunately, the rest of my fiance's family aren't knee-deep in the Kool Aid, even if they are Pentecostal and aren't fond of Catholics.

/catholic
 
2012-11-21 04:20:20 PM  
The holidays are times when I'm REALLY glad I'm a foster kid
I get to spend them with people I like
not people I have to pretend to like
 
2012-11-21 05:26:08 PM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Right there with ya. Of the 30+ people that will be at our get together, my husband and I are the only Obama voters. I just quietly leave the room unless my input will shut them up. :)
 
2012-11-21 06:28:25 PM  

the money is in the banana stand: I find it funny that people dread the political discussions. How hard is it to just not participate and get worked up? Enjoy the farking food, do you really feel compelled to defend your ideology or get into a non-sense argument? You can't be forced to partake in a discussion you don't want to be a part of. Just go watch football on tv or take a nap and avoid it. Not difficult.


No, no no....don't you get that it's more important to spike that football rather than try to keep family dynamics functional?
 
2012-11-21 06:40:35 PM  
So glad I'm working tomorrow.
 
2012-11-21 07:17:10 PM  
Something for the kids when we were all decades younger

The Terror of Turkey Day


Pass the dressing
Carve the meat.
All the kin are
Here to eat.

Gobble gobble
Whisper, chew
Is there nothing
We can do?

Small talk, gobble
Gossip, drink
Put the dishes
In the sink

Complaints and whining
Phony smiles
Turkey Day is full of trials

The food is gone
No morsel wasted
All the turkeys
Here aren't basted.

 
2012-11-21 07:20:48 PM  

tommyl66: fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.

Why would they? With all that free Obam-urkey and mashed Obam-atoes and Obama'd greens and Obampkin pie for dessert and watching the big game on their Obamaphones, what is to be pissed off about?

/That's terrible, I'm sorry


LOL.

Mind if I steal that phrase?
 
2012-11-21 07:48:43 PM  
We need to have another version of this thread AFTER Thanksgiving. To hear the war stories.

/you know, for the kids
 
2012-11-22 03:42:39 PM  
I must confess, while the other 99% of the time my Dad rants about politics (Crazy Glenn Beck version) Thanksgiving and Christmas were relatively peaceful times where politics were not discussed.

We did have a lot of passive aggressive Christmases because my Dad is a moron when it comes to gift-giving and bungles my Mom's gift every year. It's either obvious I bought it or he does something stupid like buy her a meat slicer that she specifically said "Don't buy me a meat slicer".

I'm not going down this year because I'm married now and this is our first Christmas and this reminds me that I have to e-mail Dad and save Christmas again.
 
Displayed 138 of 138 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report