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(AZ Family)   Add 1 pro-secession Facebook post from your brother with 2 cups of white wine in your dad, stir in gloating election year results by your sister and you've got yourself one of the most volatile family Thanksgiving dinner in years   (azfamily.com) divider line 138
    More: Obvious, Thanksgiving, Facebook, school ages, extended family  
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8738 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 10:10 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-21 12:00:48 PM  

the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.


The same should go for the elderly talking about their weird maladies at the dinner table. God DAMN, that used to ruin my dinner.
 
2012-11-21 12:04:32 PM  

the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.


She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways
 
2012-11-21 12:09:20 PM  

david_gaithersburg: Can't wait to spend the day with my in-laws. They keep a portrait of Stalin over the mantle.


My parents have the remarkably well-preserved corpse of Lenin in the den.
 
2012-11-21 12:15:23 PM  

Grimlock2099: My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".


If I had that kind of chutzpah...
 
2012-11-21 12:17:39 PM  
I'm going to my uncle's house apparently. My mom changed the plans last minute on us. She guilted me into going anyway because his wife died last year about this time and he's trying to put on something big to keep his mind off her.

My uncle, the man who wears a shirt that says "keep the white house white
I told her I may leave early saying I want to get in line for best buy black friday things.
 
2012-11-21 12:20:01 PM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.

She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways


You've got a few options:

Option 1:
You: "That's not an appropriate topic of conversation in front of children."
Them: "There are no children here."
You: "Well there must be because no self-respecting adult would bring up that topic at dinner."

Option 2:
Rifle through their medicine cabinet beforehand, and when they ask, respond with "Actually we're experimenting. By the way, I noticed the Depends in the bathroom. I guess Grandpa is still quite the 'young buck' if that's what Gramma needs to contain the mess after sexy time. Have you considered vaginal sponges?"

Option 3: When BC comes up, act appalled and apologize profusely that they must be so desperate to hear tales of sex, now that they're getting on in years and they can't indulge themselves. "You know, I was worried about that. But it's ok, I came prepared." Smile knowingly, reach into your jacket, and, with a flourish worthy of Liberace, remove the copy of 50 Shades of Grey that you had stowed there just for this purpose. Before anyone can say anything, open it to a pre-marked page full of sex and begin reading with as much panache and over-the-top enthusiasm as you can gin up. If you do this right, you'll be able to get a solid paragraph in and your whole family will be so shell-shocked, they won't have said a word. At that point, close the book, smile beatifically, and say, "There, I hope that helped." Then stand up, toss a kleenex box at Gramps with a lascivious wink, take your girlfriend's arm, and walk out the door without looking back.
 
2012-11-21 12:24:09 PM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Sounds like my in-laws, with whom I'm spending Thanksgiving. As far as they know, I'm a Christian Republican birther. It's just easier that way.

At least we're spending Christmas with my family, and my dad is actually fun to talk politics with. He hates politics and politicians, and had become steadily more liberal as he gets older (he's 65 now).

I will need all the strength of Fark, wine, and percocet to survive tomorrow. Hopefully my tongue will remain intact after biting it all day.
 
2012-11-21 12:33:51 PM  
Dear Abby: What wine should I serve at my family's Holiday dinner?

Abby: A lot.
 
2012-11-21 12:35:55 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table

That was a truly awesome story. Thanks for sharing :)


I read an awesome Thanksgiving story once, but it involved incest and a stick of butter... so...
 
2012-11-21 12:37:06 PM  
Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130
 
2012-11-21 12:37:11 PM  

Dimensio: Lydia_C: Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.

I can't help much, since I'm in a similar boat. Sorry.

Though I can say that most of the family will probably try to avoid politics this holiday, I dread the presence of my step-niece's husband. He's a WND fan, loves to take any opportunity to spout crap, looking for affirmation. The trouble is that he's also got a mental disability (really - it's a formally diagnosed medical condition), so I can't say much to counter him without looking like I'm trying to score on the intellectually disabled. I may have to get up and leave the room if he starts in, for the sake of my own sanity.

Pass the mashed potatoes to him and ask him to count them before you leave.


I'm going to hell for laughing so hard at that!

/coffee, nose, keyboard, boss looking at me funny, etc.
 
2012-11-21 12:42:17 PM  
 
2012-11-21 12:46:26 PM  
My parents are visiting my sister this year so I'm joining 25 Atlanta transplant hipsters for Thanksgiving. We were all at the same bar on election night.

Manuel's Tavern is not the place to be for conservatives on election nights.
 
2012-11-21 12:52:22 PM  

Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table


CSB.
 
2012-11-21 12:52:48 PM  

Frank N Stein: Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130


Ahhh, sweet, sweet, Republican Tears of Impotent Rage, so delicious!
 
2012-11-21 12:53:39 PM  

david_gaithersburg: Can't wait to spend the day with my in-laws. They keep a portrait of Stalin over the mantle.


http://eighties.weebly.com/uploads/7/4/6/1/746191/9937887.jpg
 
2012-11-21 12:56:36 PM  

Publikwerks: Say this for Grace for big effect:

"Oh Chocolate Jesus,

We have venerated you with 4 more years, and you have blessed us with socialism and Obama phones. Grent us the strength to continue to mooch off the job creators.

in Joe Biden's name,

Amen"


i'm going to email this to my mother-in-law to set her off. She's 1000 miles away so she should calm down by xmas
 
2012-11-21 01:23:02 PM  

the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: the_vicious_fez: Mid_mo_mad_man: conjecture and hearsay: Mid_mo_mad_man: Unfortanly I live 10 miles from my family. Thursday is going to be an epic fight. My uncle the Rand worshiping nut job is blaming the election on my parents who are union workers. I'm bringing my live in gf to meet the extended family. My grandparents are wigging out over the fact her last name is Chavez. My mema asked if she could pass as white. Racist as my uncles are she will be made unwelcome by them. And of course she has a Latin temper. So it's going to be fun

That's awesome because, of course she does.

I'm actually thinking she might go ape s$&t crazy on a few of them. If my grandparents find out she once had a abortion (medical reasons) then it will get bad

There is no reason, whatsoever, that someone's controversial medical history should be brought up over dinner. Not by her, and not by anyone else. You might want to make sure she's clear on this before tomorrow.

She won't mention it, but asking about birth control is part of my RC grandparents ways

You've got a few options:

Option 1:
You: "That's not an appropriate topic of conversation in front of children."
Them: "There are no children here."
You: "Well there must be because no self-respecting adult would bring up that topic at dinner."

Option 2:
Rifle through their medicine cabinet beforehand, and when they ask, respond with "Actually we're experimenting. By the way, I noticed the Depends in the bathroom. I guess Grandpa is still quite the 'young buck' if that's what Gramma needs to contain the mess after sexy time. Have you considered vaginal sponges?"

Option 3: When BC comes up, act appalled and apologize profusely that they must be so desperate to hear tales of sex, now that they're getting on in years and they can't indulge themselves. "You know, I was worried about that. But it's ok, I came prepared." Smile knowingly, reach into your jacket, and, with a flourish worthy of Liberace, remove the copy of 5 ...


Well considering they had 13 kids they must have plenty of sex. But the bc questions come from the fact that no one out side of Rome is more RC then them . Same people that won't admit that my aunt had a child out of wedlock that was given up for adoption.
 
2012-11-21 01:30:25 PM  

BrianGriffin: Mother - dead over 20 years now
Father - dead over 20 years now
Grandparents - LONG time dead - about 40 years now
Sister - estranged for over ten years (good riddance, the biatch)
Everyone else - there is none
Mrs's relatives - either live too far away or not interested in getting together

Just me and Mrs BrianGriffin, who shares my views on everything except the entertainment worth of science fiction.

The recipe for a great Thanksgiving and Christmas = she, I, our dog Mamie, plenty of eats and booze, and a fire in the fireplace....ahhhh, bliss!


My family's mostly still around, but I've still managed only two family thanksgivings in the last decade. But until this year they were also all scattered around the country. Then my sister moved out here and dad and brothers followed. I kinda forgot and scheduled the usual Thanksgiving with a pack of friends, so family got bumped to Friday.

More looking forward to the friends' schedule of hiking, food, then board games.
 
2012-11-21 01:38:16 PM  

WordyGrrl: Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.


Someones going to the nursing home with the ants.
 
2012-11-21 01:38:34 PM  

special20: CapeFearCadaver: Magorn: He later sent us a thank you note thanking us for having him at the meal and including us at our "Lively" table

That was a truly awesome story. Thanks for sharing :)

I read an awesome Thanksgiving story once, but it involved incest and a stick of butter... so...


Speaking of which, the goddamned grocery store was out of sticks for Country Crock both times I went there this week, had to get just the tub. Very disappointing.
 
2012-11-21 01:40:29 PM  

Mid_mo_mad_man: Well considering they had 13 kids they must have plenty of sex. But the bc questions come from the fact that no one out side of Rome is more RC then them . Same people that won't admit that my aunt had a child out of wedlock that was given up for adoption.


I don't care how much sex they have. That's not really the point. The point is to publicly shame them from asking such questions.
 
2012-11-21 01:42:26 PM  

Frank N Stein: Hey guys I just wanted to drop in and complain about how I'm the only Obama voter in my family and the rest are all Fox News watchers and they are gunna say stuff that I disagree with and I can't handle other people's opinions and did I mention that I once took an online iq quiz and it said I had an iq of 130


I wish it was that simple. I'd be there otherwise. Except my own family's problems stem from pure dysfunction alone. The 'politics' portion of it is only an annoying commercial during a really bad made for Lifetime TV movie.
 
2012-11-21 01:43:01 PM  

WordyGrrl: Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.


No amount of Christmas present bribery could get me to show up at that whiny old bag's house.

/Besides, she never sent me a Google Maps link for directions
 
2012-11-21 02:16:02 PM  
We're getting together with friends, families of friends and neighbors of families of friends as we have for the past 15 years or so. A wide income, political and ethnic variety. Backgrounds from multiple Euro and Asian to American countries, which makes for an excellent food variety. The lifestyles range from the guy who's worried about what color to pick for his next BMW to the one who lives off the grid and grows his own food. Politics? Do not come up.
For the most part, we know where the other stands and respect it, as much as one might disagree. We're just having a good time, get stuffed and buzzed. There's more to life than arguing (about anything, really).
 
2012-11-21 02:40:40 PM  
I find it funny that people dread the political discussions. How hard is it to just not participate and get worked up? Enjoy the farking food, do you really feel compelled to defend your ideology or get into a non-sense argument? You can't be forced to partake in a discussion you don't want to be a part of. Just go watch football on tv or take a nap and avoid it. Not difficult.
 
2012-11-21 02:56:04 PM  
I never thought I'd feel relieved, having to shop for a Thanksgiving feast the night before the holiday, but apparently my MIL is pissed off at her kids and has canceled. And there's no way we're going to SIL's place, so it'll be a relaxing day of cooking (I love to cook), drinking, Xbox, smoking (you know what), and eating... DRAMA FREE!

Now I just have to survive the grocery store after work tonight...
 
2012-11-21 03:04:45 PM  
First one in my family to start yapping about politics gets a crotch punch.
 
2012-11-21 03:26:29 PM  

Grimlock2099: My family is mostly conservative but we respect each other regardless of opinion and political stances. We rib each other a bit, but it's all rather harmless (same goes for religion - I'm the only atheistand "librul" as far as I know).

A few weeks before the election my Aunt (a staunch Republican Christian) was giving me crap about the President when I first arrived at a big family get-together. I laughed it off, but later that evening as we sat down for dinner, she looked over at me and asked (as she has for years) if I wanted to say the prayer. I usually politely decline, but this time I said sure. I closed my eyes , bowed my head and said "O' Mormon Jesus, please bless this bountiful meal and bless Joseph Smith who brought Your true word to the world on golden plates given to him by a talking bear. Bless Mitt Romney so that he will become President and lead our nation to properity and Mormonism so that we will get our own planets when we die and become the gods of those planets and populate those planets with our kids. In Your name Mormon Jesus, amen."

I looked up and everyone was staring at me, then started laughing and clapping with the exception of my Aunt who just smiled and said "can someone do a REAL prayer now?".


LOL. That was beautiful.

slowclap.gif
 
2012-11-21 03:42:44 PM  

Magorn: The Greatest Thanksgiving Story Ever Told.


Carol reminds me of my future brother-in-law. Maybe we should introduce them? (Or NOT!!)

Fortunately, the rest of my fiance's family aren't knee-deep in the Kool Aid, even if they are Pentecostal and aren't fond of Catholics.

/catholic
 
2012-11-21 04:20:20 PM  
The holidays are times when I'm REALLY glad I'm a foster kid
I get to spend them with people I like
not people I have to pretend to like
 
2012-11-21 05:26:08 PM  

Jae0o0: Im the only person in my family that voted for Obama. Every other person from the age of 18 to 70 is a fox news watching Obama hating rage filled person.
I can avoid politics.
They cant.
Help me.


Right there with ya. Of the 30+ people that will be at our get together, my husband and I are the only Obama voters. I just quietly leave the room unless my input will shut them up. :)
 
2012-11-21 06:28:25 PM  

the money is in the banana stand: I find it funny that people dread the political discussions. How hard is it to just not participate and get worked up? Enjoy the farking food, do you really feel compelled to defend your ideology or get into a non-sense argument? You can't be forced to partake in a discussion you don't want to be a part of. Just go watch football on tv or take a nap and avoid it. Not difficult.


No, no no....don't you get that it's more important to spike that football rather than try to keep family dynamics functional?
 
2012-11-21 06:40:35 PM  
So glad I'm working tomorrow.
 
2012-11-21 07:17:10 PM  
Something for the kids when we were all decades younger

The Terror of Turkey Day


Pass the dressing
Carve the meat.
All the kin are
Here to eat.

Gobble gobble
Whisper, chew
Is there nothing
We can do?

Small talk, gobble
Gossip, drink
Put the dishes
In the sink

Complaints and whining
Phony smiles
Turkey Day is full of trials

The food is gone
No morsel wasted
All the turkeys
Here aren't basted.
 
2012-11-21 07:20:48 PM  

tommyl66: fireclown: WTF Indeed: White people problems.

Really? Black families don't get political and pissed off at each other at the holidays? Can I drop over at your place thie Xmas? I'll bring pie.

Why would they? With all that free Obam-urkey and mashed Obam-atoes and Obama'd greens and Obampkin pie for dessert and watching the big game on their Obamaphones, what is to be pissed off about?

/That's terrible, I'm sorry


LOL.

Mind if I steal that phrase?
 
2012-11-21 07:48:43 PM  
We need to have another version of this thread AFTER Thanksgiving. To hear the war stories.

/you know, for the kids
 
2012-11-22 03:42:39 PM  
I must confess, while the other 99% of the time my Dad rants about politics (Crazy Glenn Beck version) Thanksgiving and Christmas were relatively peaceful times where politics were not discussed.

We did have a lot of passive aggressive Christmases because my Dad is a moron when it comes to gift-giving and bungles my Mom's gift every year. It's either obvious I bought it or he does something stupid like buy her a meat slicer that she specifically said "Don't buy me a meat slicer".

I'm not going down this year because I'm married now and this is our first Christmas and this reminds me that I have to e-mail Dad and save Christmas again.
 
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