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(Daily Mail)   This is your captain speaking. Is there anyone on board who knows how to land a jumbo jet? Fark: Actually, yes, there is   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 109
    More: Scary, accident investigation, Lufthansa, Rebekah Brooks, Boeing Commercial Airplanes, perfectly normal space, Dublin Airport, Applebee's, Irish Aviation Authority  
•       •       •

22827 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2012 at 10:37 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



109 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-11-21 08:56:08 AM  
"By the way, is there anyone on board who can fly a plane?"

Lufthansa: Es ist eine ganz andere Art des Fliegens, allesamt
 
2012-11-21 09:00:36 AM  
www.presseurop.eu
 
2012-11-21 09:19:23 AM  
Unfortunately he had fish for dinner
 
2012-11-21 09:35:55 AM  
Over Macho Grande?
 
2012-11-21 10:00:10 AM  
I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.
 
2012-11-21 10:08:10 AM  
Surely you can't be serious
 
2012-11-21 10:16:38 AM  
stanfordclark.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-21 10:21:38 AM  
It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.
 
2012-11-21 10:39:19 AM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.


It's an entirely different kind of flying.

And I'll never get over Macho Grande!
 
2012-11-21 10:41:00 AM  
It's a good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
 
2012-11-21 10:41:48 AM  
kristinhoppe.files.wordpress.com

/wow i can't believe I'm the first.
 
2012-11-21 10:43:18 AM  
Flying for Lufthansa is a real headache.
 
2012-11-21 10:43:44 AM  
Not to be a threadshiatter or anything, but this was the co-pilot who was incapacitated, pilot was still coherent and just needed someone to read checklists, so flight crew would have done so if this guy wasn't on the plane.

Carry on with "Airplane!" references though, they never get old!

Also on that panic screenshot, can you ff about 2 seconds and post that one?

\boobies
 
2012-11-21 10:44:28 AM  
concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...
 
2012-11-21 10:44:49 AM  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. The entire flight crew is just fine, but is there anyone on board who speaks Jive?"
 
2012-11-21 10:45:07 AM  
You know what would work really well in this thread? A reference to that classic comedy "Airplane!". I wonder if anyone will post such a reference...
 
2012-11-21 10:45:28 AM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.


It's an entirely different kind of flying.
 
2012-11-21 10:45:53 AM  
www.crystalinks.com

Sh*t....I missed.
 
2012-11-21 10:45:56 AM  

Mentat: Over Macho Grande?


I don't think I will ever get over Macho Grande.
 
2012-11-21 10:46:23 AM  

Mentat: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

It's an entirely different kind of flying.


It's an entirely different kind of flying
 
2012-11-21 10:46:40 AM  
OK, so the pilot disappeared....but......
www.dreamagic.com
 
2012-11-21 10:47:14 AM  

flaminio: You know what would work really well in this thread? A reference to that classic comedy "Airplane!". I wonder if anyone will post such a reference...


Surely you can't be serious! Airplane references always work.
 
2012-11-21 10:47:14 AM  

Kryler: Mentat: Over Macho Grande?

I don't think I will ever get over Macho Grande.


Then you're not high enough.
 
2012-11-21 10:48:02 AM  

Smoke 'n' Pancake: OK, so the pilot disappeared....but......


Monster on the wing got him.
 
2012-11-21 10:48:57 AM  

Fabric_Man: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. The entire flight crew is just fine, but is there anyone on board who speaks Jive?"


On it!

www.avitable.com
 
2012-11-21 10:49:30 AM  
The fog is getting thicker!

And Leon is getting laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrger!
 
2012-11-21 10:50:57 AM  
Hey, you know what they say: "See a broad to get that booty yak 'em, gotta' leg her down and smack 'em yak 'em!"

Cold got to be. Sheeeeeeeeit.
 
2012-11-21 10:51:23 AM  

flaminio: You know what would work really well in this thread? A reference to that classic comedy "Airplane!". I wonder if anyone will post such a reference...


"Nobody puts baby in a corner."
 
2012-11-21 10:51:29 AM  

WelldeadLink: Smoke 'n' Pancake: OK, so the pilot disappeared....but......

Monster on the wing got him.


1.bp.blogspot.com
WRONG!
 
2012-11-21 10:52:30 AM  
I had the lasagna.
 
2012-11-21 10:53:06 AM  
FTA: "...the heroic stranger stepped in to help the captain safely land the plane..."

Is this really heroic? "Heroic off-duty bus driver takes over after regular driver complains of a headache".
 
2012-11-21 10:55:01 AM  

ChipNASA: [kristinhoppe.files.wordpress.com image 427x240]

/wow i can't believe I'm the first.


kristinhoppe.files.wordpress.com

// wow i can't believe I'm the first.
 
2012-11-21 10:56:23 AM  
FTA:

"Co-pilot struck down..."

"...the co-pilot of a Boeing 747..."

"...after a co-pilot fell ill..."

"...co-pilot incapacitated..."

"...co-pilot was hospitalized..."


Planes have pilots, you know? Captains? They generally have these even when they lack (functional) co-pilots. Not as "dire" an emergency as stated? Well, after getting past four or so screen-sized images of cockpits and planes (likely stock photos) in the "article", we finally get this:

"A Lufthansa spokeswoman said the man who stepped in was fully licensed to operate and fly the 747.

'In such circumstances it's absolutely normal procedure for the pilot, the flight captain, to continue to operate the aircraft,' she said.

'Also, where necessary, the cabin crew are fully trained and can be called upon to read checklists back to the pilot.

'The procedures are in place for such an eventuality. But the effort of the off-duty pilot were certainly appreciated.'"


So, "appreciated", but the words "dire emergency" and "absolutely vital" suspiciously absent. Hell, even one of the slide-sho- er, article's captions says:

"Calm and controlled: The officer had been travelling as a passenger on the 747 when he was called on to enter the cockpit and help the captain bring the plane down safely (file picture)"
 
2012-11-21 10:58:08 AM  

SkunkWerks: FTA:

"Co-pilot struck down..."

"...the co-pilot of a Boeing 747..."

"...after a co-pilot fell ill..."

"...co-pilot incapacitated..."

"...co-pilot was hospitalized..."

Planes have pilots, you know? Captains? They generally have these even when they lack (functional) co-pilots. Not as "dire" an emergency as stated? Well, after getting past four or so screen-sized images of cockpits and planes (likely stock photos) in the "article", we finally get this:

"A Lufthansa spokeswoman said the man who stepped in was fully licensed to operate and fly the 747.

'In such circumstances it's absolutely normal procedure for the pilot, the flight captain, to continue to operate the aircraft,' she said.

'Also, where necessary, the cabin crew are fully trained and can be called upon to read checklists back to the pilot.

'The procedures are in place for such an eventuality. But the effort of the off-duty pilot were certainly appreciated.'"

So, "appreciated", but the words "dire emergency" and "absolutely vital" suspiciously absent. Hell, even one of the slide-sho- er, article's captions says:

"Calm and controlled: The officer had been travelling as a passenger on the 747 when he was called on to enter the cockpit and help the captain bring the plane down safely (file picture)"


R.I.P PLOT

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-11-21 10:58:53 AM  

amd1433: // wow i can't believe I'm the first.


Surely you can't be serious?
 
2012-11-21 10:58:57 AM  
Encouraged to fill in...
i190.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-21 10:59:20 AM  
Actually those things can pretty much land themselves
 
2012-11-21 11:01:05 AM  
What the hell was wrong with the flight engineer? Stepping in for the SIC is part of his job.

Doctor Rumack: "This woman has got to be taken to a hospital."
Elaine: "A hospital? What is it?"
Doctor Rumack: "It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."

There is not end of fun from this movie...
 
2012-11-21 11:04:16 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
Maybe he can fly the plane.
 
2012-11-21 11:04:17 AM  
Does he have clearance, Clarence?
 
2012-11-21 11:07:43 AM  

trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves


Actually, they can actually land themselves. The captain probably could have done it alone, but why do that when you have qualified,experienced help available.
 
2012-11-21 11:07:47 AM  
I thought those jumbo jets could land themselves with the press of a button.
 
2012-11-21 11:07:48 AM  
Its kind've funny thinking about this. On any given passenger flight there are probably at least 3-5 pilots riding in the cabin, traveling either on company or personal travel. Sometimes dozens. Mostly wearing normal clothes so nobody really realizes this.
 
2012-11-21 11:08:41 AM  
Happends?
 
2012-11-21 11:11:07 AM  

amd1433: ChipNASA: [kristinhoppe.files.wordpress.com image 427x240]

/wow i can't believe I'm the first.



// wow i can't believe I'm the first.


Good luck we're all counting on you
 
2012-11-21 11:12:24 AM  

SurfaceTension: Mentat: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

It's an entirely different kind of flying.

It's an entirely different kind of flying


It's an entirely different kind of flying.
 
2012-11-21 11:15:13 AM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

Thank God! It's Karen Black! [silence]...

She landed a busted plane in "Airport '75"? [more silence]...

It was a movie, in the '70s. [even more silence]...

Ah, you damn kids with your music.
 
2012-11-21 11:15:42 AM  

BigNumber12: SurfaceTension: Mentat: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

It's an entirely different kind of flying.

It's an entirely different kind of flying

It's an entirely different kind of flying.


lh3.googleusercontent.com

/this should be the new Airplane meme
 
2012-11-21 11:16:05 AM  
I've landed many a jumbo jet on Microsoft's Flight Simulator. If I was a passenger in such a situation I would readily volunteer my services. Same in a medical emergency. I've done a few transplants in Operation.
 
2012-11-21 11:17:07 AM  
Golly!
 
2012-11-21 11:18:06 AM  
Has anyone even heard of "North American Airlines"? I'm going to call BS on this one. Shirley they can't be serious...
 
2012-11-21 11:18:32 AM  
Airplane thread - Hooray!

"They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash."
 
2012-11-21 11:21:54 AM  
The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone.
 
2012-11-21 11:25:11 AM  

Mentat: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

It's an entirely different kind of flying.


It's an altogether entirely different kind of flying.
 
2012-11-21 11:34:24 AM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone.


Don't start with your red zone shiat again. We both know what this is about.
 
2012-11-21 11:35:13 AM  

trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves


All planes land eventually....one way or another
 
2012-11-21 11:36:31 AM  
SInce all of the other Airplane! references have been posted:

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-21 11:36:49 AM  

flaflaflowhigh: Has anyone even heard of "North American Airlines"? I'm going to call BS on this one. Shirley they can't be serious...


They are a charter operator, not quite an entirely different kind of flying, altogether.

http://www.flynaa.com/
 
2012-11-21 11:38:25 AM  

triptheory: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone.

Don't start with your red zone shiat again. We both know what this is about.


You want me to have an abortion!
 
2012-11-21 11:43:18 AM  

akula: triptheory: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone.

Don't start with your red zone shiat again. We both know what this is about.

You want me to have an abortion!


It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.
 
2012-11-21 11:45:42 AM  

ChipNASA: BigNumber12: SurfaceTension: Mentat: Mr. Coffee Nerves: It's an entirely different kind of flying altogether.

It's an entirely different kind of flying.

It's an entirely different kind of flying

It's an entirely different kind of flying.

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 512x320]

/this should be the new Airplane meme



I'll support it.
 
2012-11-21 11:56:32 AM  

iron_city_ap: trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves

Actually, they can actually land themselves. The captain probably could have done it alone, but why do that when you have qualified,experienced help available.


That was just said in response to the scary tag. They can actually really land themselves if you actually tell them to.
 
2012-11-21 12:04:00 PM  

trappedspirit: iron_city_ap: trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves

Actually, they can actually land themselves. The captain probably could have done it alone, but why do that when you have qualified,experienced help available.

That was just said in response to the scary tag. They can actually really land themselves if you actually tell them to.


But they have to really want to.
 
2012-11-21 12:05:49 PM  
Ah, damn, I knew I should've logged those hours in something other than DCM:A-10 Warthog.
 
2012-11-21 12:08:18 PM  
That severe migraine if co-pilot holds a US license probably puts his medical certificate in severe jeopardy, even if it it resolved. He will probably have to list it on every FAA application for the rest of his career.
 
2012-11-21 12:10:14 PM  
thingscoolerthantoothpaste.files.wordpress.com

/obscure?
 
2012-11-21 12:12:51 PM  
I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
 
2012-11-21 12:15:59 PM  

BenJammin: I thought those jumbo jets could land themselves with the press of a button.


But this is an entirely different kind of button.
 
2012-11-21 12:17:50 PM  

RsquaredW: Ah, damn, I knew I should've logged those hours in something other than DCM:A-10 Warthog.


If you can hit the broad side of a barn, you should be able to help us get this 747 on the ground.
 
2012-11-21 12:19:05 PM  

not5am: [thingscoolerthantoothpaste.files.wordpress.com image 368x273]

/obscure?


You're asking if Snakes on a Plane is obscure? On Fark?
 
2012-11-21 12:20:22 PM  
No, I've been nervous before.
 
2012-11-21 12:27:56 PM  

not5am: [thingscoolerthantoothpaste.files.wordpress.com image 368x273]

/obscure?


No OBSCURE was seeing a fat black man on an airplane with an empty seat next to him.
/he probably *ate* the other passenger.
 
2012-11-21 12:28:39 PM  
Only girls get out of duty by claiming to have migraines.
 
2012-11-21 12:36:52 PM  
One of the crew members is ill. Slightly ill. But the captain and the other crew members are fine and are free to live a life of religious fulfillment...
 
2012-11-21 12:42:38 PM  
There's a reason airlines let other airline employees fly free.
 
2012-11-21 01:03:04 PM  
Push "auto everything" button, go back to sleep.
 
2012-11-21 01:04:01 PM  
They'll get over it.
 
2012-11-21 01:16:47 PM  
kristinhoppe.files.wordpress.com

I just wanted to tell you both, "Good luck, we're all counting on you".

 
2012-11-21 01:17:17 PM  

flaflaflowhigh: Has anyone even heard of "North American Airlines"? I'm going to call BS on this one. Shirley they can't be serious...


Uhh... yeah. It's been around for 23 years. It was the airline Obama chartered for his 2008 campaign. (Their logo is a stylized American flag. When it was repainted for the campaign, a bunch of frothing teabaggers naturally assumed that removing their corporate livery means he hates America.)
 
2012-11-21 01:17:20 PM  
Did the pilot look like this guy?

i2.listal.com 

/Steven Segal survived that fall.
 
2012-11-21 01:21:19 PM  
I am so glad that they put in a picture of the Dublin airport in an article.
 
2012-11-21 01:23:02 PM  
Must of had his union dues paid up, else the pilot woulda been on his own.
 
2012-11-21 01:26:57 PM  

95629: Its kind've funny thinking about this. On any given passenger flight there are probably at least 3-5 pilots riding in the cabin, traveling either on company or personal travel. Sometimes dozens. Mostly wearing normal clothes so nobody really realizes this.


They used to have to wear suits. Until normal people realized that the only people in suits were airline employees flying for free.
 
2012-11-21 01:53:32 PM  

ArkAngel: [www.presseurop.eu image 490x225]


Thank you, leaving with a smile on my face.
 
2012-11-21 01:54:37 PM  

pute kisses like a man: 95629: Its kind've funny thinking about this. On any given passenger flight there are probably at least 3-5 pilots riding in the cabin, traveling either on company or personal travel. Sometimes dozens. Mostly wearing normal clothes so nobody really realizes this.

They used to have to wear suits. Until normal people realized that the only people in suits were airline employees flying for free.


And air marshals. The G men eventually wised up too.
 
2012-11-21 02:04:32 PM  

trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves


Pilot maintenance request: Auto-land not functioning correctly.

Mechanic: Aircraft not equipped with auto-land.


What I want to know is how they found out about the off-duty pilot. "Um hello, is anyone a pilot?"

What really sucks is that co-pilot just lost his medical and most likely his job.
 
2012-11-21 02:26:22 PM  

parkke0108: trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves

Pilot maintenance request: Auto-land not functioning correctly.

Mechanic: Aircraft not equipped with auto-land.


What I want to know is how they found out about the off-duty pilot. "Um hello, is anyone a pilot?"

What really sucks is that co-pilot just lost his medical and most likely his job.

 

Yeah, it REALLY sucks that someone physically unqualified to fly a plane won't be allowed to do so anymore.
 
2012-11-21 02:39:15 PM  
You'll be swell, you'll be great. Gonna have the whole world on a plate. Startin' here, startin' now. Honey, everything's comin' up roses...

/war is hell
 
2012-11-21 02:46:10 PM  
Jim never vomits at home...
 
2012-11-21 02:49:39 PM  
There's a sale at Penney's!
 
2012-11-21 03:02:04 PM  
Could of been a terrorist. Slip something into co-pilots drink. Yeah, I can fly jumbo jets. Gets into cockpit. Captain, that hot blonde in row 3 needs you right away. Ta Da
 
2012-11-21 03:07:34 PM  
Dr. Rumack: "There's been a little problem in the cockpit."
Ted: "The cockpit? What is it?"
Dr. Rumack: "It's a little room in the front of the plane, where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now."
 
2012-11-21 03:15:41 PM  
I have been training my whole life for just such an incident
cdn.wikimg.net

Sadly, no one has ever needed help flying the plane.
 
2012-11-21 03:16:41 PM  

parkke0108: trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves

What I want to know is how they found out about the off-duty pilot. "Um hello, is anyone a pilot?"

What really sucks is that co-pilot just lost his medical and most likely his job.


If he was deadheading home on another airline or flying non-rev (which most airlines allow other airline employees to do if there is space) it would show up on the passenger manifest I would imagine. That's my best guess anyhow.

/Short CSB: I know a retired United 747 captain that flew home to Rochester NY from Denver via Memphis thanks to FedEx when his mother suddenly took ill and was about to die. He made it back in time.
 
2012-11-21 03:33:55 PM  
When will you be back?
 
2012-11-21 04:06:20 PM  

buzzcut73: /Short CSB: I know a retired United 747 captain that flew home to Rochester NY from Denver via Memphis thanks to FedEx when his mother suddenly took ill and was about to die. He made it back in time.


Well, when you absolutely, positively have to be there overnight...
 
2012-11-21 04:11:55 PM  
I am surprised that no one has sympathized with the plight of the poor co pilot, he must have gone through hell.

www.jeepfan.com
/first with the fish pic, how can this be?
 
2012-11-21 05:02:42 PM  
Steve McCroskey: I need the best man on this. Someone who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure.

Johnny: How about Mister Rogers?
 
2012-11-21 05:35:26 PM  

anotar: I am surprised that no one has sympathized with the plight of the poor co pilot, he must have gone through hell.


Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!

farm4.static.flickr.com

 
2012-11-21 05:49:35 PM  

Mentat: You're asking if Snakes on a Plane is obscure? On Fark?


65 comments in and i'm the only one that brought up this reference (which is closer than all the airplane! references) and at 99 comments no one else brought it up.
 
2012-11-21 06:14:13 PM  

not5am: Mentat: You're asking if Snakes on a Plane is obscure? On Fark?

65 comments in and i'm the only one that brought up this reference (which is closer than all the airplane! references) and at 99 comments no one else brought it up.


I missed the part in TFA that involved fat black men and/or snakes.

/including fat black snakes
 
2012-11-21 06:24:53 PM  

dbirchall: I missed the part in TFA that involved fat black men and/or snakes.

/including fat black snakes


but... at the end... he's the one that... nevermind.
 
2012-11-21 06:26:15 PM  

anotar: /first with the fish pic, how can this be?


Yes, yes, I remember. I had the lasagna.
 
2012-11-21 06:40:37 PM  

buzzcut73: parkke0108: trappedspirit: Actually those things can pretty much land themselves

What I want to know is how they found out about the off-duty pilot. "Um hello, is anyone a pilot?"

What really sucks is that co-pilot just lost his medical and most likely his job.

If he was deadheading home on another airline or flying non-rev (which most airlines allow other airline employees to do if there is space) it would show up on the passenger manifest I would imagine. That's my best guess anyhow.

/Short CSB: I know a retired United 747 captain that flew home to Rochester NY from Denver via Memphis thanks to FedEx when his mother suddenly took ill and was about to die. He made it back in time.


That's what I thought too. No way they'd announce this over the intercom and scare 300 people. Try to get the guy who knows what he's doing help with the checklist and turn to the Purser or something in a worst case scenario.

/Still say they bought their tickets and knew what they were getting into
 
2012-11-21 06:54:26 PM  
Friend worked for Lufthansa, said compny name stood for.
Let
Us Fu(k
The Hostages
As
No
Stewardesses
Attractive
 
2012-11-21 08:33:29 PM  
What was the vector, Victor?

/most the good, relevant quotes have been used by this point in the thread
 
2012-11-22 01:04:20 AM  

Moose23: I've landed many a jumbo jet on Microsoft's Flight Simulator. If I was a passenger in such a situation I would readily volunteer my services. Same in a medical emergency. I've done a few transplants in Operation.


your comments are now green. hello
 
2012-11-22 04:46:49 AM  

ArkAngel:


They were also out of coffee?!!

OhMyGod!!!

/also, striker.
 
2012-11-23 12:53:30 AM  
There was never any danger because they were flying on instruments.
idiotflashback.files.wordpress.com
 
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