I was told there would be no craptastic music.

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I knew a guy some years ago who would listen pretty much exclusively to techno. The one exception was Nickelback. You can't explain that.

The Man Who Laughs: I knew a guy some years ago who would listen pretty much exclusively to techno. The one exception was Nickelback. You can't explain that.

sure i can. he was deaf.

The Man Who Laughs: I knew a guy some years ago who would listen pretty much exclusively to techno. The one exception was Nickelback. You can't explain that.

He was just farking with you.

He's been saying this since "How You Remind Me". He said he was studying that hit to find the formulaic secret to writing their next hit. I guess he found it.

This guy always sounds defensive.

Also, he looks like Scott Thompson.

thomps: Kroeger was talking to the financial publication about his many business dealings, including licensing, merchandising, product placement, writing for other artists and and co-owning the record company behind Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe'.

in case you thought you had reached the limit of your hate for chad kroeger...

Hey, there is a video of carly far slobbin some guys knob. So we can thank chad for making her famous so we can see her suck dick like a pro...

Asa Phelps: Nickelback is proof that formulaic music works.

Entire genres are built on the fact that it works.

(Right time + Right Place) / (Willingness to change everything + Right Producer calling the shots on what to change + right stylist) X (Right A&R supporter + Right Executive + Right Label) X (Luck - Artistic Intregerty) + (ability to repeat past artistic triumphs for material gain / Business savvy + knowledge of statistics) = If your band will be famous or not

I think the formula is: raspy baritone + radio friendly riffs + basic bass lines + puddle deep lyrics = buttrock * unsophisticated public^(MTV + Clear Channel) = mountains of cash.

People have long known that there is a formula for "popular" music. In fact, there is even a term for it! It's called "formulaic" you douchebag, and it is not a compliment.

That article was 23 wasted seconds that made me stupider.

If you paid for tickets to this guy's show, I'd suggest you ask for your nickel back. If it cost more than a nickel, that's your own stupid fault.

I love how they became the new Creed - very successful and talented band, followed by it being cool to hate them.

vwarb: People have long known that there is a formula for "popular" music. In fact, there is even a term for it! It's called "formulaic" you douchebag, and it is not a compliment.

To be fair, it's not really an insult either. It's an accusation that your work is mediocre, not that it's bad. For most applications (most notably the two primary uses of rock/pop, background music and dance music) formulaic is perfectly fine, perhaps even preferable. I don't need a bit of music to be Mozart's K387 to hum along with it while driving between cities, some random jackass howling about being a Sharp Dressed Man or whatever is fine.

sexorcisst: I love how they became the new Creed - very successful and talented band, followed by it being cool to hate them.

You'll never convince me there's a difference between Creed and Nickelback.

Swagger-jacking AC/DC, eh?

I am no Nickelback apologist, please make no mistake regarding this. However, there will always be a (large) market for generic, by the number pop songs. The guys in Nickelback play real instruments and admit their music is designed for mainstream appeal. Besides, consider the alternative: I would take a hundred Pearl Jam wannabes over a single Nicki Minaj.

Unfortunately that formula right now appears to be mediocrity + good marketing.

How Mumford and Sons managed to survive the records exec march toward the packaged and the processed i'll never know.

Somebody on the Internet doesn't like Nickelback. Color me shocked.

"I'm glad...traversed these territories before."

Did he just say he was glad his wife was both divorced and a Canadian whore-elf as loose as vegetable bag at the grocery store.

/after you blow in them to open them up, of course
//the bag...not the elf

That must be that "new math" I keep hearing about, since no math I ever learned would allow for this crap. It's like dividing by zero.

ingineervt: "I'm glad...traversed these territories before."

Did he just say he was glad his wife was both divorced and a Canadian whore-elf as loose as vegetable bag at the grocery store.

/after you blow in them to open them up, of course
//the bag...not the elf

I never thought I would be in a situation to white knight Avril Lavigne but do you seriously think that three years of marriage has that kind of an impact on a woman's plumbing? Of course, you only have sex with the most exquisite virgins. What was I thinking.

H31N0US: ingineervt: "I'm glad...traversed these territories before."

Did he just say he was glad his wife was both divorced and a Canadian whore-elf as loose as vegetable bag at the grocery store.

/after you blow in them to open them up, of course
//the bag...not the elf

I never thought I would be in a situation to white knight Avril Lavigne but do you seriously think that three years of marriage has that kind of an impact on a woman's plumbing? Of course, you only have sex with the most exquisite virgins. What was I thinking.


To add to this: even if regular sex did have the same effect on a vagina as blowing open a grocery store veggie bag, I'm assuming 6'1" Kroeger's carrot is somewhat larger than 5'4" Whibley's, if we're just gonna guesstimate based on nominal body size. So, her canal is a celery bag at worst.

4 Canadian douchebags + songs that sound the same = famous!

His formula wouldn't happen to be looking at sales charts to see what type of music has sold successfully over the past decade, make music that is a generic carbon copy of that, and then market the shiat out of it? Because that sure sounds like what they've done.

And how does one state there is a formula for success, but at the same time claim he's not writing for the money. It just so happens that his writing from the heart is exactly what he knows will sell? Unlikely.

NateAsbestos: You'll never convince me there's a difference between Creed and Nickelback.

How dare you leave out Seven Mary Three, the band that influenced those two!

Heist: I am no Nickelback apologist, please make no mistake regarding this. However, there will always be a (large) market for generic, by the number pop songs. The guys in Nickelback play real instruments and admit their music is designed for mainstream appeal. Besides, consider the alternative: I would take a hundred Pearl Jam wannabes over a single Nicki Minaj.

Gotta agree. They are not bad, they are tiresome to those of us looking for a little more sophistication. But, news flash! Not everyone is looking for that, many people are just looking for something simple they can groove on, and if these guys fill that niche for a large crowd, more power to them. Which Fark musician here - honestly - would not trade places with them in a heartbeat?

Another news flash: a lot of very talented artists do "formula" to generate hits for revenue, but on the side or in the background actually like to play music that sounds nothing like their pop music. I don't know if these guys qualify as that or not, but it's worth keeping in mind that for a lot of popular musicians, their popular music isn't necessarily their favorite. They may not even really care about it. It's not unheard of for artists in all disciplines to do "popular" to fund their real art.

Ishkur: Came for KLF.

Leaving satisfied.

Ah huh

The least he could do is hock that loogie stuck in his throat before he hits the recording studio. Damn.

EyeballKid: NateAsbestos: You'll never convince me there's a difference between Creed and Nickelback.

How dare you leave out Seven Mary Three, the band that influenced those two!

That analysis would prove too cumbersome.

Yes Chad and that same formula can also be used to find out how much suck a vacuum has.

Of course, you only have sex with the most exquisite virgins. What was I thinking.

Only one. Her name was Chad Kroeger. She was as loose as a celery bag afterwards.

/Unlike that whore-elf you're white knighting who is a full grocery bag

karmachameleon: Which Fark musician here - honestly - would not trade places with them in a heartbeat?


Well, I'd trade in my current desk job to be them, but as long as we're fantasizing, I'd first pick a less successful band that wasn't leaving behind a legacy of suck.

For me it boils down to:
Respected and financially secure > Not respected and rich > Respected and dirt poor

Asa Phelps: It's so confusing when i argue with people about his crappy band.

I say, "They are so farking boring and never do anything the least bit creative or daring"

They say, "But it's marketable!"

Wow, actual people say that?

"By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing...kill yourself...you're the ruiner of all things good...you are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage...kill yourself. No joke here, really. Seriously, kill yourself, you have no rationalisation for what you do, you are Satan's little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. Now, back to the show. Seriously, I know the marketing people: 'There's gonna be a joke comin' up.' There's no farkin' joke. Suck a tail pipe, hang yourself...borrow a pistol from an NRA buddy, do something...rid the world of your evil farkin' presence."

We get it you dislike Nickelback. I'm sorry I'm not as cool as you. Yay.