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(ESPN)   The Bears are who we thought they were, the Colts may want to reconsider playoffs, and the Jets play to win the game. This is your OFFICIAL Week 12 Power Rankings Thread   (espn.go.com) divider line 22
    More: Asinine, Jets, playoffs, NFL, bye week, Jamison Hensley, Ryan Tannehill, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Denver Broncos  
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3167 clicks; posted to Sports » on 20 Nov 2012 at 3:05 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-11-20 04:23:52 PM
3 votes:
Friends,

We are gathered here today to celebrate an incredible achievement. A remarkable achievement. A practically implausible achievement, considering no objective observer could have possibly foreseen it taking place in today's NFL. Indeed, a truly stunning one, in which it can hardly be imagined that any team in the NFL would lose to a farking quarterback who threw five Goddamned interceptions and not a single farking touchdown.

But sadly, I digress.

The achievement in question today is one recorded by an incredibly hyped rookie quarterback, not a QB who merely played like one. Today's pigskin hero came into the league as the "best prospect since John Elway," someone who broke all of said horsetoothed gunslinger's collegiate records, a perennial Heisman candidate, made 3 bowls - the Fiesta, Sun, and Orange - and was named the MVP of the latter. Clearly these are all much more sterling stamps of approval than "he won something called the MPC Computers Bowl" and "at least he always managed to beat Notre Dame."

Riding this wave of praise as high as possible into his inaugural season, this week's winner had nonetheless been surrounded by whispers of discontent and the disgruntled suggestions of a fanbase that has at times this year looked with jealousy on another team's freshman selection. Heading into the draft, there was a certain segment of sentiment that perhaps his team shouldn't go with the 2011 Heisman candidate and should instead cast their lot with the 2011 Heisman winner. Ignoring these concerns, the number one pick remained set in stone, much like the ignominy achieved by an offense so farking bad it couldn't cash in on six total turnovers for at least twenty piddling points on Sunday.

However, in fairness, it's not as though that pick has caused serious agita for his team. There have been ebbs and flows in his play, surely, certain weeks have shown him paling in comparison to the sensation known as RG3, but others have showcased a quarterback living up to the promise and potential spoken of in glowing terms during his collegiate career. He hasn't displayed any headcase tendencies to turn into the next Todd Marinovich. It's not as if he dove headfirst into a rapidly dwindling supply of Hostess products and JaMarcus'd himself. Like every quarterback with a surplus of talent who's still finding his footing in a league with an immense learning curve, he's been solid on some weeks, and something less than solid in others. After all, it's not as if he's a veteran with a handful of seasons under his belt who spent the week matching interceptions with years he's been in the NFL.

This week, though, it was a far different story. At least, it was supposed to be. If the previous weeks had been mere study sessions, Week 11 was to be the final exam.

...yeah, logically there's six more weeks to the season after the 11th, but stay with me here.

Stepping onto the frozen field at Foxboro is a daunting challenge for any gunslinger, let alone a rookie, no matter how much raw skill and dazzling possibility they possess. Facing down the fearsome combination of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick on the road is enough to give anyone nightmares, but with the fate of a franchise on your back and wild card playoff hopes hanging in the balance, it's enough to make even massively overrated ACC quarterbacks cry for their mothers.

Nevertheless, starting off it seemed as though the job might be handled relatively well. True, New England had deferred the toss, leaving their prolific offense with a precious possession in their pocket for later, but that was okay. As long as their longtime rivals took care of business, it wouldn't matter. And in fact, things started out sparklingly, with a quick touchdown drive to open the festivities. The rookie was, for the moment, ahead of the decorated legend. A grin quickly spreading across his face, our man thought to himself, "Things might just work out after all. RG3 can eat my Ivy League balls. Matter of fact, on the subject of ridiculously douchetastic nicknames - "

His inner monologue interrupted by the tragically familiar sight of Tom Brady throwing a TD strike straight to Gronk, he took a steady deep breath and grabbed his helmet from the bench. "A shootout it is, then. Let's do this shiat, you buttchinned biatch" was the mindset as he retook the field and confidently sat under center, the ball on a string and 7 more points quickly followed. A 14 to 7 margin in favor of the visitors shone brightly from the scoreboard lights as the first quarter drew to a close, and the airshow promised by the preshow seemed as though it were fully underway. True, his efforts had started getting stymied before the quarter drew to a close and continued into the opening moments of the second frame, but it was fine. "A 3 and out here and there didn't hurt anyone that badly," he figured. "It's not as if this punt is gonna result in the lead being gone quicker than a hype balloon with a first round playoff bye or anything."

The game tied after a 68-yard punt return, this week's winner let out a long sigh and quickly came around to the idea that he'd have to do the job himself. "If the special teams is going to play that poorly," he pondered, "my teammates will need all the Luck they could get. Heh heh I should write that down for later." The search for a pen and paper would have to wait, as a mere 60 seconds were taken off the clock before a stunning pick 6 was flung from the rookie's grasp and taken straight to the house. The lead turned into a deficit, and after an exchange of field goals, halftime came. On the bright side, though, much like a Cardinals team with a fourth quarter lead, the outcome of this game was still very much in doubt.

Sadly, said outcome started being less in doubt immediately after the second half kickoff. A possession in hand for the Brady Bunch is poison for the opposition, and it quickly took effect in the form of a two-TD hole for our protagonist. On the other hand, being at his skill level, it's not as if being down two scores early in the third quarter was some insurmountable hill to climb. They could certainly march all the way back, road game or no road game, QB with an all access pass to Canton already stamped or no. With resolve in his heart, this quarterback figured, "As long as I keep calm and find my open receivers, there's still time to - "

The wind crushed from his lungs, this week's icon rolled helplessly on the ground directly after the ball had fallen on it. A fumble recovered by the opponent and turned into six points in short order, now the lead was 3 touchdowns, 14 of which directly provided by his failures. "Maybe it IS too hard," he darkly ruminated, "maybe I AM not good enough yet." Pushing those black thoughts out of his mind, he ignored the questioning looks of his teammates, refused to acknowledge the dreadlocked wonderboy they were thinking about, gathered them around himself, and took charge of that sideline.

"15 minutes are left on the clock, you know! Stranger things have happened. Hell, earlier this month a black man had been reelected to the White House! It's not as if that means an 0-4 playoff record isn't upcoming for the #1 seed of the NFC this year - some things are just too crazy to imagine - but if that could happen, 3 TDs on an awful Patriot defense are a piece of cake! Let's go win this ballgame!" With new inspiration and the ball firmly in hand, nothing was going to stop him from making his mark this week.

And indeed he did, as it took only one pass attempt to serve his own team a juicy fortyburger. Sitting glumly on the bench, he could only watch as Chef Brady fed him a fiftyburger soon thereafter. 21 Patriot points had come from his bumbling hand, outmatching the 14 points he had provided through the air for his own team. The shootout had turned into a blowout, and on the same week as a perfect game was posted by a certain other QB, no less.

There was no bottom.

With a shrug, he smiled and thought to himself, "Oh well, it could be worse. I could've lead an offense that was outscored by a safety in the playoffs. Time to get ready for the Bills."

For being the first of the 2012 hype twins to reach for this glory, for posting a 66.7 whereas someone else recorded a 158.3, for stepping up admirably where the Arizona Cardinals had so disgustingly failed (and not in the good way, either), I am proud to present The Jake for Week 11 of the 2012 NFL season to Andrew Luck of the Indianapolis Colts.

i63.photobucket.com

Andrew, any words?

www.fantasyfootballsportal.com

"I'm just happy I wasn't outscored by Chase Daniel in fantasy football this week!"

Good for you!


2012-11-21 04:43:29 AM
2 votes:

dywed88: Olympic Trolling Judge: VvonderJesus: I think we need a power ranking for the things posted in the weekly power rankings threads.

1. The Jake
2. PONIES!
3-32. Everything Else

Blasphemy, how dare you ignore GRAFS and guy who posts humourous summary of his predictions and outcomes in pretty red and green while moaning that nobody reads them. Oh, and WHAR JAKE!!!!! WHAR GRAFS!!!!!! posts deserve a mention.


Plus the rookie, but up-and-coming obscure trivia. The list as as follows:

1. The Jake.
2. Di's GRAF
3. RQ's Playoff Chart
4. Di's GRAF TOO
5. RQ's GRAF
6. Trivia
7. Harv's predictions
8. rtp's predictions
9. Trivia answers
10. OTJ's list of teams
11. WHAR JAKE WHAR?!
12. WHAR GRAF WHAR!?
13. WHAR GRAF TOO WHAR!?
14. X Team is TOO DAMN HIGH!

/That said WHAR GRAF TOO WHAR!?
2012-11-20 08:07:12 PM
2 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com

Shiat, I forgot to color Carolina and Jacksonville orange; they cannot win their divisions. I will look into what sites I can use that will allow me to post these screenshots (1) for free, (2) clearly, (3) without having to do a lot of work.

No divisions that can be clinched this week, but four divisions feature a team with a 3 game lead and 6 to go, so Week 13 is likely to be when green and purple start making their way onto the chart. The tie will require only minimal reprogramming of the spreadsheet, partly to make it realize that 0.5-0.5 is not a completed and tied home-and-away, partly to make it realize that 1.5-0.5 is a completed and won home-and-away.
2012-11-20 04:22:50 PM
2 votes:

Olympic Trolling Judge: Or 3WOUNFLCRTL.


You should probably consider a new acronym. Perhaps CRATER, Colley Rating And Tiers Everyone Reads.

But excellent work. We have a hell of a weekly post thing going on now. It's beautiful. Everybody is bringing something like a football potluck.
2012-11-21 07:04:22 AM
1 votes:

Neeek: dywed88: Olympic Trolling Judge: VvonderJesus: I think we need a power ranking for the things posted in the weekly power rankings threads.

1. The Jake
2. PONIES!
3-32. Everything Else

Blasphemy, how dare you ignore GRAFS and guy who posts humourous summary of his predictions and outcomes in pretty red and green while moaning that nobody reads them. Oh, and WHAR JAKE!!!!! WHAR GRAFS!!!!!! posts deserve a mention.

Plus the rookie, but up-and-coming obscure trivia. The list as as follows:

1. The Jake.
2. Di's GRAF
3. RQ's Playoff Chart
4. Di's GRAF TOO
5. RQ's GRAF
6. Trivia
7. Harv's predictions
8. rtp's predictions
9. Trivia answers
10. OTJ's list of teams
11. WHAR JAKE WHAR?!
12. WHAR GRAF WHAR!?
13. WHAR GRAF TOO WHAR!?
14. X Team is TOO DAMN HIGH!

/That said WHAR GRAF TOO WHAR!?


This.
2012-11-21 12:20:38 AM
1 votes:

neuroflare: roc6783: neuroflare: RminusQ: ***snip***

Awesome, let's ditch Di's graf

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x376]

Oh HELL NAW!!!

I keed, yeesh!


Providing the numbers for Di GRAF TOO is my eternal penance for when I met her at The Great Chicago Fark Party and the first thing I said to her was "Fark the Cowboys!" It also builds up good will, so that the next time I see her at some gigantic Fark Party, I can re-start things on the right foot by saying "No, seriously, fark the Cowboys!"
2012-11-21 12:17:29 AM
1 votes:

neuroflare: Awesome, let's ditch Di's graf


I think not
2012-11-20 11:33:54 PM
1 votes:
I think we need a power ranking for the things posted in the weekly power rankings threads.
2012-11-20 09:39:23 PM
1 votes:

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: basemetal: /it's hard to be a Raiders fan

I've hated the Raiders for a lot of years, but I have to respect their remaining fanbase. From PSLs, to Al Davis' dumbfarkery, to retarded coaches, y'all are forced to root for a pale shadow of what used to be one of the greatest teams ever.

I'll still never forgive Al Davis for farking up the Coliseum for baseball.


Nor should you ever. It was a round Dodger Stadium before he destroyed it, as far as I'm concerned.
2012-11-20 08:16:17 PM
1 votes:
justpredictions.webs.com

Here is a strength of SCHEDULE graph. This is similar in two important ways and yet differs in three important ways from Di's GRAF TOO.
Similarity #1: It tells you about what quality teams have played; who's had a cakewalk, and who's had the road of pain.
Difference #1: It averages the record of all teams each of these squads has PLAYED. Di's only includes the teams each squad has BEATEN.
Similarity #2: I crunch the numbers, via a tab in my TGTBSS file.
Difference #2: The axes are different. The better record you are, the further to the right; the harder the schedule, the higher up. NE corner means you've played well against a tough schedule, SW corner means you've sucked against teams that themselves sucked (lookin' at you, Chargers).
Difference #3: I don't spend the time making fancy icons for each team. I consider it the bare minimum to move the team tags around so they don't overlap.
2012-11-20 06:48:12 PM
1 votes:
Packers' remaining schedule
@Giants
Vikings
Lions
@Bears
Titans
@Vikings

Falcons' remaining schedule
@Bucs
Saints
@Panthers
Giants
@Lions
Bucs

Both end up 12-4
2012-11-20 05:41:29 PM
1 votes:

rickythepenguin: ***snip***

@ SFO -6.5 CHI 37
Did I hear Cutler's out? and possibly Aaron Smith or whatever his name is too? I'll hold off until I read more about it.


I can help you out on that one. Alex Smith is the QB that was taken in 2005 by the 49ers. They passed over Aaron Rodgers, who was subsequently taken by the Packers.

///Just looked it up on Wikipedia, 2005 was one helluva draft. From Alex Smith at #1 through Ryan Fitzpatrick at #250.
2012-11-20 05:34:50 PM
1 votes:
I was reading a stat that no rookie QB has gone into Foxborough and won since 1996. Knowing that, I don't think the Colts should feel too crushed - they win 3 more games, and I think they're automatically in the playoffs. Of course, they're going to get massacred in the first round, but it will make for a nice Cinderella story.
2012-11-20 05:33:54 PM
1 votes:

Dammit the Jake beat me! I've been slacking here, but working IRL boooooooooooooooo. Anyway. Graph 1!

i.imgur.com


Clicky poppy to bigger for those of you who are into that sort of thing.

Useless metadata that nobody cares about:

Change from Week 1 to this week :
One 20 point drops: Eagles
One 17 point jump: Colts

No teams ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE (back at their Week 1 rankings)

Number of times rankings have changed:
4 teams have changed every week: Chargers, Cowboys, Rams, Dolphins
1 team has moved thrice: Jaguars

Difference between high rank & low rank:
Lowest fluctuation: Jaguars with 2
Highest fluctuation: Vikings with 22
Average fluctuation: 10.84

Overall fluctuation travel:
Smallest: Jaguars with 4
Highest: Saints with 44

Teams hitting their highest rank this week: Buccaneers
Teams hitting their lowest rank this week: Sad Eagles, Sad Chargers, & Sad Cardinals

-Cardinals hit their lowest rank this week. Their previous lowest rank was in week 1
-Redskins had their lowest rank in week 1 & their highest in week 2 (24 & 15), the only team to have their high/low in consecutive weeks.
-For the 4th consecutive week, the Eagles have hit their lowest ranking of the year

Twelve teams did not change rank: F'ing lazy bums

Five teams have held the #1 spot
2012-11-20 05:26:51 PM
1 votes:
@ WAS -3.5 PhI 44.5
going with WASH. Wash is 1-3 at home, PHI 1-3 OTR. Yeesh. I'll say WASH outright but who knows with either team. PHI was racking up some cheap wins early and wasn't WASH getting games ripped late? I'll say under. 21-13 type game.


1-0. Wash by 25.



GB -3 @ DET 52
GB should be favored by more. GB outright.

2-0. Pack by 4! narrow, but i'll take it.



@ ATL -9.5 Arizona 44
ATL of course is probbly pissed off after last week's finish and Arizona in dire need of a win (a loss today would six in a row) so I think the Redbirds come out with a chip on their shoulder.


3-0. 4 point loss. dammit. and you could say we did come out with the chip.



TB -1 @ Caro 48
TB desperately needs this game to have any shot at the South. While ATL has a three game lead, that isn't insurmountable with 7 games left. The proverbial "you have to beat the teams you're supposed to beat", and TB must beat CARO (also, how interesting does the South get if ARIZ heists a win and TB wins? That would give us ATL 6-2, TB 6-4 but TB with a better divisional record if they beat CARO.) TB outright.


4-0. TB by 6.


@ DAL -7.5 Cleveland 43.5
the INT bowl? The two most intercepted QBs in 2012. I'll say Cleveland covers as I don't think DAL deserves 7.5. The Star On the Helmet factor (which since i've been actively factoring it into my picks for approx a month, i don't think I've been wrong on it) in play as usual. this should be a 5, 5.5 line.

5-0. CB lost by 3.


@ STL -3.5 NY Jets 39
What an under.....Gonna pick STL outright. STL is 3-2 at home, Jets 1-3 OTR.

5-1. Jets by 14.



@ NE -9.5 Indianapolis 54
good lord, been sick of Luck v Brady storyline for days now. "THE PASSING OF THE TORCH?" settle down. Remember when we put Romo / Freeman / Newton / RGIII (after his second game) and Russell Wilson (in August) in Canton? settle the fark down, people. Matt Stafford is the #1 passing yards QB int eh NFL in only his 4th year, pretty sure no one is slobbing his knob re "passing the torch" and he's a young QB. Give Luck time. 9/5 is a lot. Both teams surrender 21.3 per, Pats obviously score more....Gonna pick IND to cover. And the over. 35-31, 38-32.


yeeesh. 5-2. Pats by 35! 83 scored total. wow. highest total of year?


@ HOUS -15 JAX 40.5
Love these college football lines....Against better judgment, I'll pick a JAX cover. The number is fair, but.....it's just too much.

6-2. Texans by 6.



CIN -3 @ KC 43.5
Cin outright.

7-2.


NO -5.5 @ OAK 55
Also, I think this line should be higher; 6.5, maybe even 7. So since it is a shorter line IMO, I'll invoke my NFC South @ West Coast Theorem and pick OAK to cover. Yes i know NO is on a 4-1 run.


7-3. NO by 21. and 5-1 for NO. can they make it back to South relevance? Wild card?

@ DEN -8 SD 48
I'm gonna say SD cover.


8-3. Donks by 7.


BALT -3 @ Pittsburgh 40
Gotta say Balt outright.
and if that ends up being right (you see this coming, don't you), "tell them I had it first on Twitter."



gaaaah. it was 3 exactly, so that is a loss. 8-4. i thought they'd win by more. ehh.



@ SFO -6.5 CHI 37
Did I hear Cutler's out? and possibly Aaron Smith or whatever his name is too? I'll hold off until I read more about it.


and I was catastrophically wrong. i said CHI by 10.

8-5.
2012-11-20 04:39:00 PM
1 votes:
Answers for Week 11 Trivia:

QBs:
1. Aaron Rodgers - Best Away QB Rating (115.3) shouldn't really be a surprise. A-Rodg leads a lot of categories. This one is no exception. Surprised nobody guessed that, though.
2. Andrew Luck - Oh, he of the Jake Award probably wishes that the game was only one quarter. He completes 72.5% of his 1st quarter passes, and it drops precipitously in the 4th Quarter. Hopefully he'll improve on that problem.
3. Mark Sanchez - 4 Red-Zone INTs. This one comes as no surprise to those who have been watching the Jets this season... The Sanchize has been blowing it something fierce. NTTAWWT

Teams:
1. Oakland Raiders - 33.9% of their plays this season are running plays - one might think that with Carson Palmer and a receiving corps that most people outside fantasy couldn't name with a gun to their head, you'd think they'd try to run a bit. But they aren't.
2. Minnesota Vikings - 25.9% success rate on 3rd and short runs. This one was a surprise to me. One might think a team with AP can go All Day, but they are the worst at picking up third and short.
3. Dallas Cowboys - Only 360 yards this year on 1st down runs. The Cowboys offensive line is awful, and Jason Garrett only knows two plays and they're both passes.


Rules:
1. Kicking a safety kick out of bounds? 30 yards from the spot of the kick (or at the spot it went out of bounds). This is different from kicking a kickoff out of bounds. Why? No idea. Several of the rules I read seem needlessly complicated (like the number and dimensions of footballs provided by the home team) but this rule seems to be a way to really, really discourage teams from taking safeties.
2. Illegally kicking a ball out of bounds is a penalty of 10 yards and Loss of Down. This rule was changed this season to add the loss of down. I'm not sure why. If anyone can remember an occasion where a team illegally kicking a ball out of bounds benefited them lately, let me know.
3. Ah, the hilarious referee poses. There are some real gems in the rule book but "I'm getting a Beej" and "Raise the Roof" were my favorites. They are:
Illegal Forward Pass, Loss of Down, Reset Playclock to 40 Seconds
2012-11-20 04:16:48 PM
1 votes:
Who's hungry for cupcakes and seventyburgers? It's the Third Weekennial Official Unofficial NFL Colley Rankings and Tier List!

Or 3WOUNFLCRTL.

A reminder slash disclaimer: Colley ratings are not predictive and should not be used for betting purposes. They should only be used for seeding NCAA-sanctioned tournaments and arguing on the Internet. Gamble at your own risk.

Anyway, it should come as no surprise that these rankings hew pretty closely to the standings, not counting playoff tiebreakers. The Colley method is designed to correct for schedule imbalances, and since pro schedules are a lot more balanced than college schedules, there's a lot less to correct. In fact, it can be proven that in the case of a perfectly balanced schedule (i.e. one or more round robins), each team's Colley rating is simply a function of its win percentage. Then again, these rankings still deviate more from the standings than ESPN's polls, at least this week. Whether that's because the writers are factoring in current trends and future outlooks or because they're just goddamn lazy is an exercise I leave to the reader.

Well, here they are. As before, plus means the computer ranking is higher than ESPN's, minus means the opposite, and Z means standardized score.

God Tier (2.0 < Z)
1. Houston Texans
Top Tier (1.5 < Z < 2.0)
2. Atlanta Falcons
Very High Tier (1.0 < Z < 1.5)
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. Green Bay Packers
5. Baltimore Ravens
6. Chicago Bears
7. New England Patriots (+1)
8. Denver Broncos (-1)
High Tier (0.5 < Z < 1.0)
9. Seattle Seahawks (+3)
Upper Mid Tier (0.0 < Z < 0.5)
10. Minnesota Vikings (+4)
11. Indianapolis Colts (+4)
12. New York Giants (-3)
13. Pittsburgh Steelers (-2)
14. Dallas Cowboys (+2)
Lower Mid Tier (-0.5 < Z < 0.0)
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5)
16. Arizona Cardinals (+9)
17. New York Jets (+5)
18. Tennessee Titans (+5)
19. New Orleans Saints (-6)
20. Detroit Lions (-1)
21. Cincinnati Bengals (-4)
22. Buffalo Bills (-2)
23. St. Louis Rams (+3)
Low Tier (-1.0 < Z < -0.5)
24. Miami Dolphins (-4)
25. Washington Redskins (-7)
26. San Diego Chargers (-5)
27. Philadelphia Eagles
Very Low Tier (-1.5 < Z < -1.0)
28. Oakland Raiders
29. Carolina Panthers
Bottom Tier (-2.0 < Z < -1.5)
30. Cleveland Browns
31. Jacksonville Jaguars
S#!t Tier (Z < -2.0)
32. Kansas City Chiefs


Now WHAR EVERYTHING ELSE WHAR?
2012-11-20 03:08:22 PM
1 votes:
Thanks for moving the green time up, modmins. I take back most of the terrible things I said about you.
2012-11-20 02:53:43 PM
1 votes:
Speaking of picks...

I don't want to toot my own horn or anything (I tried; not flexible enough), but 12-2 is pretty damn impressive. Given that my only two misses involved AFC East teams not called the New England Patriots somehow managing to win, it's more impressive still. And considering how utterly terrible many of those picks were looking circa 3:30pm Sunday afternoon, well...I'm pleased as punch. A saying that I in no way comprehend, but I'll go along with it anyway because I'm just that pleased.

Oh, and did I mention that the Ravens beat the Steelers for the third straight time? I'm more pleased than punch. Original post here.

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills:
So last week I nail not only the winning team but the actual final score of the Thursday Night game, while this week the Bills happen to me. Coming into the game dead last against the run, Buffalo held Reggie Bush to just 20 rushing yards, and held Miami as a whole to 60. Tack on a trio of Dolphins turnovers and suddenly...well, the Bills are still 4-6, the Pats are still winning the division, and Ryan Fitzpatrick is still struggling so nothing really changed. The loss does kind of hurt Miami's chances of not finishing last again, though. 0-1


Arizona Cardinals at Atlanta Falcons:
Need proof that Matt Ryan is truly an elite quarterback? Well, who else could win a game while throwing 5 interceptions and not throwing a TD pass? Actually, that feat puts him into pretty good company...the last quarterback to accomplish that in the NFL was some guy named Bart Starr, back in '67. Arizona's soon-to-be ex-coach Ken Wisenhunt benched John Skelton after a 2 of 7 start in favor of rookie Ryan Lindley, who rewarded the decision with a stellar 9/20, 64 yard performance. Tack on three sacks and the Cards wound up with 41 net yards through the air...41. Let's put that into perspective: Chad Farking Henne threw for more yards with a single pass on Sunday. Three times. 1-1

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Carolina Panthers:
Cam Newton's stat line against the 32nd-ranked pass defense in the league: 16/29, 252, 1 TD. Not exactly the Best in the World. The Panthers looked very Clevelandesque in blowing a 10-point fourth quarter lead, and eventually lost in overtime to Josh Freeman and the Bucs while giving up 138 rushing yards to the Black Rudy (he doesn't like the "Muscle Hamster" nickname, so I'll go with this one). Oh, Carolina. 2-1

Cleveland Browns at Dallas Cowboys:
Suck (suk): v.intr. 4. Vulgar Slang To be disgustingly disagreeable or offensive, or to require overtime to beat the Cleveland Browns in your home stadium. The Browns have now lost 12 consecutive road games, with their last road win being week 2 of 2011, against the Manningless Indianapolis Colts. The fact that Dallas would require a 17-point fourth quarter just to reach overtime against these guys should be an embarassment on par with dreaming you were naked in class and then waking up to discover you were actually wearing a crotchless pink tutu. That this Cowboys team is somehow now 5-5 is nothing short of miraculous. 3-1

Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions:
Some might consider needing a fourth-quarter comeback against the Lions to be pretty embarrassing as well, but this was a divisional game in Detroit, and a part of what's become a pretty bitter rivalry over the last few years. Not Green Bay's strongest effort, sure, but after a 2-3 start which had many writing them off this season the Packers are right back in the division title chase. 4-1

Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans:
So building off of my uncannily accurate prediction, the LFL team took the '72 Dolphins into overtime before remembering they weren't actually in the same league. What more is there to say here? Matt Schaub ties for the second-highest passing total in NFL history, two wide receivers each go over 200 yards in the same game for the first time in NFL history, and 80 points and more than 1,100 combined yards of offense later the Texans improve to 9-1, while the Jags fall to 1-9. Oh, yeah, and Chad Henne threw for more yards in 3 1/2 quarters of relief than Blaine Gabbert has ever managed in a full game. So...just like everyone figured it would go down. 5-1

Cincinnati Bengals at Kansas City Chiefs:
When the entire football world knows that you're not up to the level of the Cincinnati Bengals, you got problems. It also speaks volumes when Benjarvus Green-Ellis goes over 100 yards for the first time in more than a year against you, and when you only have a quarterback controversy because both starting options suck equally. Someone needs to have Earl Campbell shoot a text in Jamaal Charles' direction, because lord knows he needs to talk to someone who'd understand. 6-1


New York Jets at St. Louis Rams:
Fark you, New York Jets. Seriously...I'm glad I wasn't born a fan of you, because I don't know how anybody could live that way (and I sure as hell don't see how anyone could choose that fate). After losing a heart-breaker to New England and following that up with being dominated by Miami and the Seahawks, you figure it's over. The playoffs aren't in the future, the team has lost whatever focus it had, and traveling to face a younger, hungrier team spelled certain doom. Well, fark you, New York Jets. Oh, and Bilal Powell? Seriously? Fark you, St. Louis Rams, too. 6-2


Philadelphia Eagles at Washington Redskins:
You have to hand it to the Philadelphia Eagles: one of these teams was leaving the stadium in last place of arguably the weakest division in football, and Philly just wanted it more. Four more turnovers (3 by "savior" Nick Foles), 169 yards surrendered on the ground, and as the final cherry on top, they somehow managed to give up 4 touchdown passes to Robert Griffin III. On only 15 pass attempts! 7-2

New Orleans Saints at Oakland Raiders:
All kidding aside, I honestly thought the Raiders would keep this a little closer. We all knew they wouldn't be able to stop Drew Brees through the air, but Oakland's offense has been starting to click and heaven knows the Saints aren't a threat to pitch a shutout anytime soon. Brees and Carson Palmer both went over 3,000 yards in the game, but hats off to Saints' backup Chase Daniel, who completed his first (and only) pass of the season in mop-up duty. Now in his fourth year in the league, Daniel is 7 of 9 for his career (and could probably start for the Chiefs). 8-2

San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos:
There are few things in life more satisfying than watching a dejected Philip Rivers walk off the field as the clock runs down, having just taken his fourth sack of the game. Credit Rivers for even keeping the Chargers in the game at all, though at least in part due to Willis McGahee's injury. I think it's safe for fans in Denver to start making playoff plans now. 9-2

Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots:
So after I make a big deal pointing out that Stevan Ridley has been a better barometer of New England's success this year than Tom Brady, Ridley gets held to 28 yards on 13 attempts and the Pats run up 59 points on Indy. Meanwhile, Andrew Luck had plenty of his namesake in the game...all of it bad, though. Three interceptions and a lost fumble to go along with an absentee defense which led to him putting up 50 passes...well, it's a learning experience, right? 10-2

Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers:
To borrow a line from the Sky Sports postgame commentary, the Pittsburgh Steelers won the first minute of the game, but the Baltimore Ravens won the other 59. It wasn't pretty, Joe Flacco wasn't particularly good, and Ray Rice was completely bottled up on the ground but the Ravens still found a way to win. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, is now one pulled hamstring away from having to suit up Mike Tomlin. 11-2

Chicago Bears at San Francisco 49ers:
I wasn't actually too far off with my final score prediction, but I really expected it to stay tight through the half. In a scenario remarkably similar to last year, the Bears' playoff hopes hinge on the recovery of Jay Cutler...because 14/22, 107, 1 TD & 2 INT just ain't gonna cut it in the long run. Colin Kaepernick just moved up to "add to dictionary" in spell-check status. 12-2
2012-11-20 02:50:40 PM
1 votes:
i291.photobucket.com

Welcome, once again, to the trivia game where the points don't matter, the players don't care, and the questions are oh-so-obscure. This week's edition of Name That Player has a NEW CATEGORY THAT I'M SO SURE YOU'RE ALL REALLY EXCITED ABOUT. You see, everyone has been harping on the referees this week and referring back to the Potato Refs. Well this week is the Revenge of the Zebras - and I don't mean Hochuli is going to come kick each and every one of your asses. Although I bet he could. Now bend over and spell "run", it's ON!

3 Categories, 3 Questions. QBs, Teams, and RULES. Answers go up after everyone has had a chance to answer.

Name that QB

1. Playing on the road is tough - but this player is tougher. This QB has the best QB Rating in Away Games.

2. This QB has lately been getting a lot of media attention, but it isn't for this statistical anomaly. He is the most accurate passer in the 1st Quarter.

3. It wouldn't be Name That Player trivia without some negative stats. This QB leads the league in red zone INTs, with a league high 4 ruined scoring opportunities.


Name That Team

1. This team leads the league in several negative categories, but this one is particularly surprising considering their plan of attack in the previous seasons. This team has run the lowest percentage of running plays in the NFL.

2. Much has been said about this team's ability to run the ball this season, but surprisingly this team is the worst in the NFL at converting 3rd and short with a running play.

3. This team, in spite of being on an uptick as of late, still drags along the bottom of the league in Rushing Yards on 1st Down, meaning that they either need to re-evaluate their playcalling or stop trying to run on 1st down all together.


Name That Call

1. Kicking a safety kick out of bounds is a penalty - but how many penalty yards?

2. This season, there has been a rule change. Illegally kicking a ball on the offense is still a penalty - but what is the punishment?

3. Name these three hilarious looking referee signals, in order.
i291.photobucket.com

PENCILS DOWN. As always, make sure you record your score and shove it directly up your exhaust pipe. Don't be afraid to speak up about what you think the answer might be.
2012-11-20 02:13:00 PM
1 votes:

GAT_00: roc6783: 1 through 16, sure the NFC is better, but not overwhelmingly.

Let's look at it this way: 1 vs 1 matchups, and on playoff standings, not subjective power rankings.

Atlanta vs. Houston
SF vs. Baltimore
GB vs. New England
NY Giants vs. Denver
Chicago vs. Indianapolis
Seattle vs. Pittsburgh
Tampa Bay vs. Cincinnati
Minnesota vs. San Diego
New Orleans vs. Tennessee
Dallas vs. NY Jets
Washington vs. Buffalo
Detroit vs. Miami
Arizona vs. Oakland
St. Louis vs. Cleveland
Philadelphia vs. Jacksonville
Carolina vs. Kansas City

My winners are bolded.


Your picks just reinforce my point that the bottom half of the NFC is better than the bottom half of the AFC, but the playoff caliber teams are pretty equal. Yes, the NFC is better, but not where it matters.

//Also, it kills me that I have no way to argue against GB losing to NE.
2012-11-20 02:01:05 PM
1 votes:

kronicfeld: Their blowout loss to the Patriots showed how out of place the Colts look in the playoff picture. (Clayton)

Except that they would get the 6th seed if the playoffs started today, and they have a cake remaining schedule with the exception of Houston.


I don't think they are saying the Colts won't make the playoffs just that they won't last long. I for one am quite impressed with this season compared to last. Luck is just not ready for NFL playoff football.
 
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