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(Daily Mail)   One in five men has a secret email account they use to hide correspondence from their partner. In other news, have you checked your ultrafark account lately?   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 146
    More: Stupid, phishing scam, online banking, e-mails  
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3479 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2012 at 11:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-20 11:25:56 AM
Why, am I getting BIE there?
 
2012-11-20 11:27:45 AM
Their on to us; everyone, purge your tertiary email accounts.
 
2012-11-20 11:28:23 AM
The other four men must have multiple secret accounts.
 
2012-11-20 11:28:50 AM
I'm fairly certain that ratio is higher for women.
 
2012-11-20 11:29:26 AM
I forgot I even had an Ultrafark account.
 
2012-11-20 11:29:47 AM
It's more to make sure that when I do get some BIE, I don't miss it.

It'll happen - I have faith!
 
2012-11-20 11:30:44 AM
Screw that.

Hiding something from your partner is a sure-fire way to introduce distrust and ruin the relationship.

Of course, if you're dating, that's basically a disposable relationship anyway...

But for a marriage?
 
2012-11-20 11:32:52 AM
Wait, some people let their partner know their main email account password?
 
2012-11-20 11:32:57 AM

Phony_Soldier: I'm fairly certain that ratio is higher for women.


I am too. I have a single email account. My wife has three. She's not on the down low because I have the passwords and am welcome to read the rubbish on the accounts if I want to. She uses one for her regular correspondence with family and close friend, one for shopping, and one as a throw-away address when she's signing up for something she knows will generate spam. However my ex had multiple private accounts and she used them for communicating with her man friends. Just friends, nothing more, until ....
 
2012-11-20 11:33:17 AM
Note to crazy insecure women: 1 in 5 is not the same as 5 in 5. Just because you imagine he has one doesn't mean he actually has one.
 
2012-11-20 11:33:39 AM
www.astro.umass.edu

edtech.michaeldflint.com

www.biic2013.com

bieconsulting.com

www.bie-agency.pe

www.changeboard.com 

/hint hint
 
2012-11-20 11:34:06 AM
has.
 
2012-11-20 11:34:43 AM
I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.
 
2012-11-20 11:34:46 AM
Heh. No partner, no need for secret email account. Easy peasy.
 
2012-11-20 11:35:21 AM

jst3p: Wait, some people let their partner know their main email account password?


I've been that guy. Twice. Huge mistake both times, and somehow I didn't learn from the first one.

Openness and honesty mean nothing if you're not dealing with someone who invents their own reality.

/do I sound bitter?
//I'm not, because the third time's the charm
 
2012-11-20 11:35:51 AM

Dimensio: I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.


This.

I don't have hers and she doesn't have mine. If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.
 
2012-11-20 11:37:35 AM

jst3p: Wait, some people let their partner know their main email account password?


This.
 
2012-11-20 11:37:40 AM
1 work email
1 personal email very little spam
1 old hotmail account for Xbox LIve. Never check that one.
1 spam away account. I buy things with this one. Anything that asks me for an email address to sign up for it account. I only check this one if I need to return something or get a tracking number.
 
2012-11-20 11:37:42 AM

iheartscotch: Their on to us; everyone, purge your tertiary email accounts.


cutestpkever.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-20 11:37:44 AM
"Honey, can I have your email password?"
"If you have it, I can't keep my surprise Tiffany purchases a secret and I'll have to stop before I start...."
 
2012-11-20 11:38:20 AM
I have no secret channels of communication setup. Don't believe the fiance does either, don't really care enough to try and find out if she does. I'd say most people who do, eventually slip up. If you never get caught, bravo to you. That careful planning, covering your ass, and stress probably cost you more than it was worth.
 
2012-11-20 11:38:53 AM
my wife and i basically have "open" email privileges. we don't actively check but it's like, if she's on and i'm watching tv, i'll ask her to check or vice versa. but we don't snoop around. i don't get very many emails anyways. 90% of my comms with friends are via call/text and i don't really keep in touch with any fark people any more. so my email inbox is usually spam from the various retailers i might use (amazon, LiveNation, races, Huge Black Jugs, Ghetto Gaggin MILFs, Forbes, etc.)
 
2012-11-20 11:39:04 AM
or clearing browser history.

Well duh! Can't let her know where I'm getting my pron.
 
2012-11-20 11:39:10 AM

jst3p: If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.


True, dat.
 
2012-11-20 11:39:28 AM
I have so many e-mail accounts. Mostly because I eventually get spam, then more spam .... and it grows to the point that I can't even find my real e-mail inbetween all of the spam messages so I make a fresh account. And it's good to have an account just for when you sign up for things and you don't want updates from those people in your regular mail.

I can't imagine being concerned about what a boyfriend does with his e-mail. But if I did feel concerned maybe it's not a good relationship to be in.
 
2012-11-20 11:39:45 AM
I met my partner using my secret email account.
 
2012-11-20 11:40:29 AM

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: has.


Thank you.

Farking subject/verb agreement, how does it work?
 
2012-11-20 11:40:37 AM

Devo: 1 work email
1 personal email very little spam
1 old hotmail account for Xbox LIve. Never check that one.
1 spam away account. I buy things with this one. Anything that asks me for an email address to sign up for it account. I only check this one if I need to return something or get a tracking number.



1 public email (this one)
1 private email
1 gmail that i check about once a month. nothign but dust and cobwebs and tumbleweeds rolling across the screen)
 
2012-11-20 11:41:08 AM

jst3p: Wait, some people let their partner know their main email account password?


Yea, wut dafuq?

/hell to the no
 
2012-11-20 11:41:18 AM

jfivealive: stress probably cost you more than it was worth.

jfivealive: stress probably cost you more than it was worth.

jfivealive: stress probably cost you more than it was worth.

 
Zel
2012-11-20 11:42:49 AM
did someone say BIE?
It's very important.
 
2012-11-20 11:43:00 AM
I'm kind of 50/50... my girlfriend knows about it, but my wife doesn't.
 
2012-11-20 11:43:14 AM
My wife has my email password...we got lazy a while back, and just started using the same password for all accounts we have, in case the other person needs to access it. (I have things like bank statements delivered to mine that, if hit by a bus, she should probably be able to fish out). Seriously doubt she sits around reading my emails...
 
2012-11-20 11:43:39 AM

seadoo2006: iheartscotch: Their on to us; everyone, purge your tertiary email accounts.


There was never a war; we were invited; punch was served; ask Poland.

/ also, D'OH
 
2012-11-20 11:44:07 AM

jst3p: Wait, some people let their partner know their main email account password?


Lots of older couples have one e-mail address, from their ISP, and share it.
 
2012-11-20 11:44:15 AM
Only one in five? So four out of five men don't care about the last bit of privacy they could possibly enjoy for the rest of their lives?
 
2012-11-20 11:46:41 AM

Bumblefark: My wife has my email password...we got lazy a while back, and just started using the same password for all accounts we have, in case the other person needs to access it.


I can't think of a single reason she would "need" access to my email.

(I have things like bank statements delivered to mine that, if hit by a bus, she should probably be able to fish out).

If it is a joint account she has access to the statements. If it isn't she has access to the account when you die anyway.

Seriously doubt she sits around reading my emails...

I don't know her so I can't say for sure but if I were a betting man I would bet you were wrong.
 
2012-11-20 11:46:44 AM

jst3p: Dimensio: I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.

This.

I don't have hers and she doesn't have mine. If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.


When previously in a relationship, my significant other did not have a login password for my computer, and I did not have a login password for his. The concept of giving a romantic partner access to private computer accounts is incomprehensible to me.
 
2012-11-20 11:47:07 AM
People still have a browser history on a shared PC?

I start mine up in Privacy mode.
Ex used to biatch because she has to re-search stuff instead of hitting history.
Tell her it must be a setting or something, I'll figure it out later.
 
2012-11-20 11:48:46 AM

BHShaman: People still have a browser history on a shared PC?

I start mine up in Privacy mode.
Ex used to biatch because she has to re-search stuff instead of hitting history.
Tell her it must be a setting or something, I'll figure it out later.


I don't even have an account on her laptop and vice versa.
 
2012-11-20 11:49:04 AM
ha! as if anyone with an ultrafark account is attractive enough to score some side slaw
 
2012-11-20 11:50:22 AM

jst3p: Bumblefark: My wife has my email password...we got lazy a while back, and just started using the same password for all accounts we have, in case the other person needs to access it.

I can't think of a single reason she would "need" access to my email.

(I have things like bank statements delivered to mine that, if hit by a bus, she should probably be able to fish out).

If it is a joint account she has access to the statements. If it isn't she has access to the account when you die anyway.

Seriously doubt she sits around reading my emails...

I don't know her so I can't say for sure but if I were a betting man I would bet you were wrong.


After 17 years together, there just aren't any dirty little secrets left to find...I think I passed the "Ok, your private life is safe for me to ignore" test a while back.
 
2012-11-20 11:50:58 AM
I wouldn't give a partner my e-mail password though. What would they need it for? I get messages from friends and clients who are writing to me and not expecting the messages to be shared. There is no deep dark secrets in my mail ... just mostly friends who are girls saying how their day is ... but I know if I wrote to them I wouldn't want their boyfriends reading it because I'm writing to THEM not anybody else. Even if all we do is say silly and boring things .. it's still our conversations to each other.
 
2012-11-20 11:51:42 AM
I would never even consider giving someone my email password unless it was some kind of emergency. It just wouldn't occur to me and would seem like an invasion of privacy even though there isn't anything very private in there. I'm with the people who think that if you feel the need to do that then THAT shows a lack of trust.

Likewise I hate people who sort through my post in the morning and make remarks about what post I have. It isn't any of their business and I had a controlling ex who did this every day (among many other things which added up to a bad picture).

I have lost count of how many email addresses I have. It is so easy to make new ones whenever you like. Like many people I have tried creating addresses for different things. I expect the real truth is more like 1 in 5 have at least 1 email address their partner doesn't know.

If it really is the case that 1 in 5 have a secret email just for sexeh talk then I do despair. But I doubt it is true.
 
2012-11-20 11:53:36 AM
Only one in five?
 
2012-11-20 11:54:33 AM
Ultrafark's a sausagefest.....
 
2012-11-20 11:57:33 AM
I have three: work, personal and my UltraFark email I use when signing up for stuff online.
 
2012-11-20 11:58:32 AM

Dimensio: jst3p: Dimensio: I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.

This.

I don't have hers and she doesn't have mine. If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.

When previously in a relationship, my significant other did not have a login password for my computer, and I did not have a login password for his. The concept of giving a romantic partner access to private computer accounts is incomprehensible to me.


I agree with you. A mere boyfriend or girlfriend is not entitled to such private information. Until there is a commitment of exclusivity - as in cohabiting or marrying - it's none of his/her business.
 
2012-11-20 11:58:57 AM

Devo: 1 work email
1 personal email very little spam
1 old hotmail account for Xbox LIve. Never check that one.
1 spam away account. I buy things with this one. Anything that asks me for an email address to sign up for it account. I only check this one if I need to return something or get a tracking number.


Yep. And, I'd never even think of giving anyone my password. Ever. Not hiding anything, but if you think I am then you have trust issues and I don't need to be with you.
 
2012-11-20 12:02:14 PM
Mrs. Anomaly and I share a password database, run a mail server together, and check one anothers' phones on request, because those things are more convenient. So far no trouble.
 
2012-11-20 12:02:16 PM
We all know there are no women on the internet
Because I've experienced it

Even I am proud enough not to beg
 
2012-11-20 12:05:44 PM

jst3p: Dimensio: I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.

This.

I don't have hers and she doesn't have mine. If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.


What if you get hit by a car? Or otherwise not able to make decisions on your own? Can she manage everything without access to those accounts?

/my partner doesn't have any of my accounts either - but I have all userids/passwords/accounts in my safety deposit box which he does have access to in case of emergency
 
2012-11-20 12:10:33 PM
My x-girlfriend seemed to be a little jumpy when I would approach her while she was reading her emails. I asked her about it and we got into an argument. I told her "That's my computer, you seriously think that I don't have you email password?" She flipped out and started trying to explain some rather uncool emails.

/I never had her password or checked her email
/notice I said "x-girlfriend"
 
2012-11-20 12:10:44 PM
Well, I checked. No BIE there....

// cries...
 
2012-11-20 12:11:56 PM

jfivealive: That careful planning, covering your ass, and stress probably cost you more than it was worth.


Pretty much this. Plus, I'm a recovering catholic who has moved well away from the church, BUT with enough vestigial guilt left over that I can honestly say I don't think I would ever consider cheating on my wife. A.) She's awesome and my best friend so I can't see myself ever wanting to and B.) If I actually DID, the stress and guilt of trying to keep it a secret would literally be too much for me to bear.

I don't judge anyone else because consenting adults are going to do whatever consulting adults do. But for ME personally, if I wanted to cheat on my wife, I'd have to seriously look at my reasons for being married in the first place.
 
2012-11-20 12:12:06 PM
hell I bet 1/5 have an email account that they dont know of themselves.
 
2012-11-20 12:13:29 PM

Pontious Pilates: consulting adults


LOL, consulting? CONSENTING, I of course meant.
 
2012-11-20 12:16:13 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: jst3p: If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.

True, dat.


Yep. Never asked for access to an email account of an SO. Never would. It's a slippery slope.
 
2012-11-20 12:25:59 PM
It's never even occurred to me to ask my husband for email passwords or vice versa. I have 2 accounts (I keep one for spam). I assume he has a couple as well, but why would I need access to them?

If you're an adult, in a relationship with an adult, you should make sure to share important information with your partner but, for the rest, respect each other's privacy
 
2012-11-20 12:26:12 PM
There is no reason to share your passwords with anyone while you're still able to log in yourself.

Dead Man's Switch is one way to send an email containing such info to people who need it after you're dead, incapacitated, or incarcerated. 

Digital estate planning is a good idea.
 
2012-11-20 12:27:15 PM
BIE actually exists? I don't know if I believe it.
 
2012-11-20 12:36:43 PM
i758.photobucket.com 

/I can haz BIE plz??
//EIP
 
2012-11-20 12:37:38 PM

Phony_Soldier: I'm fairly certain that ratio is higher for women.


I agree.
 
2012-11-20 12:41:05 PM

thebpem: We all know there are no women on the internet
Because I've experienced it

Even I am proud enough not to beg


Some of us aren't that proud.

www.furrytalk.com
 
2012-11-20 12:49:38 PM

gingerjet: jst3p: Dimensio: I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.

This.

I don't have hers and she doesn't have mine. If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.

What if you get hit by a car? Or otherwise not able to make decisions on your own? Can she manage everything without access to those accounts?


There is nothing in my personal email she would need.
 
2012-11-20 12:49:48 PM
Me and Mrs Secret have been through multiple fights over passwords and personal accounts. I don't think that it is necessary that she has my passwords to everything (she believes it is) and I don't think that she needs to have my login info for everything (also believes this). There is nothing in my email or Facebook that she needs to fark with, all of the bills and credit stuff go to her account, so why does she need it? Because she is a control freak, like most women.

Hell, we got in a big old brouhaha once when I changed my password (which EVERYONE should do a couple times a year) and didn't let her know right away.

/ I have nothing to hide, I just like to have my own things.
//With 3 kids it is hard to lay claim to anything but bills...
///yeah I know she is kind-of a biotch...
 
2012-11-20 12:54:04 PM

Mrs.Sharpier: ha! as if anyone with an ultrafark account is attractive enough to score some side slaw


Speak for yourself.

I have three- one professional that goes on my resume, one hotmail for my Itunes and Amazon and spam, and everything else goes to my gmail.
 
2012-11-20 12:56:25 PM

kiwimoogle84: Mrs.Sharpier: ha! as if anyone with an ultrafark account is attractive enough to score some side slaw

Speak for yourself.

I have three- one professional that goes on my resume, one hotmail for my Itunes and Amazon and spam, and everything else goes to my gmail.


And if I wanted to be your guy on the side, which on should I send an e-mail to?
 
2012-11-20 01:04:15 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: kiwimoogle84: Mrs.Sharpier: ha! as if anyone with an ultrafark account is attractive enough to score some side slaw

Speak for yourself.

I have three- one professional that goes on my resume, one hotmail for my Itunes and Amazon and spam, and everything else goes to my gmail.

And if I wanted to be your guy on the side, which on should I send an e-mail to?


HA! Gmail. :P

I dated a cop that'd go through my email regularly. I didn't know. We broke up because he printed out six emails, four of which were before we even started dating, and demanded to know who these people were. One time I let him log on my computer and my email was auto signed in. He'd been rifling through my laptop ever since.

Yeah, I'm of the opinion that when you go looking for trouble, it's exactly what you'll find. So I don't do that.
 
2012-11-20 01:06:07 PM
Those who share email passwords, do you also pick up the other phone extension and listen in on your partners' conversations?

Theoretically of course. I don't think I know anyone with a household landline anymore either.

/Or read their text messages?
 
2012-11-20 01:08:56 PM
Oh by the way, in case this thread gets crazy, does anyone have the rules handy?
 
2012-11-20 01:10:30 PM

Trade Secret: Me and Mrs Secret have been through multiple fights over passwords and personal accounts. I don't think that it is necessary that she has my passwords to everything (she believes it is) and I don't think that she needs to have my login info for everything (also believes this). There is nothing in my email or Facebook that she needs to fark with, all of the bills and credit stuff go to her account, so why does she need it? Because she is a control freak, like most women.

Hell, we got in a big old brouhaha once when I changed my password (which EVERYONE should do a couple times a year) and didn't let her know right away.

/ I have nothing to hide, I just like to have my own things.
//With 3 kids it is hard to lay claim to anything but bills...
///yeah I know she is kind-of a biotch...


Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference. All you are accomplishing is to engender distrust in your wife. Sounds like she already has it and you are feeding it. That never leads anything good. If you think you wife is "kind-of a biotch", your marriage isn't going in the right direction and you are vulnerable to an extra-marital affair already. If you love your wife, you need to rethink your position on this. It's only going to be a growing problem if you don't.
 
2012-11-20 01:11:47 PM

kiwimoogle84: Oh by the way, in case this thread gets crazy, does anyone have the rules handy?


Did someone say crazy?

farkbie.com
 
2012-11-20 01:16:06 PM

kiwimoogle84: I May Be Crazy But...: kiwimoogle84: Mrs.Sharpier: ha! as if anyone with an ultrafark account is attractive enough to score some side slaw

Speak for yourself.

I have three- one professional that goes on my resume, one hotmail for my Itunes and Amazon and spam, and everything else goes to my gmail.

And if I wanted to be your guy on the side, which on should I send an e-mail to?

HA! Gmail. :P

I dated a cop that'd go through my email regularly. I didn't know. We broke up because he printed out six emails, four of which were before we even started dating, and demanded to know who these people were. One time I let him log on my computer and my email was auto signed in. He'd been rifling through my laptop ever since.

Yeah, I'm of the opinion that when you go looking for trouble, it's exactly what you'll find. So I don't do that.


I can see how that would lead to a break up. What sort of moron prints out electronic communication? The whole point is that you're not using paper! I guess being overbearing and suspicious and all would be a problem, too.
 
2012-11-20 01:19:10 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: kiwimoogle84: Oh by the way, in case this thread gets crazy, does anyone have the rules handy?

Did someone say crazy?

[farkbie.com image 520x519]


Go crazy? Don't mind if I do!

/not crazy
//mostly
 
2012-11-20 01:20:09 PM

JackieRabbit: Trade Secret: Me and Mrs Secret have been through multiple fights over passwords and personal accounts. I don't think that it is necessary that she has my passwords to everything (she believes it is) and I don't think that she needs to have my login info for everything (also believes this). There is nothing in my email or Facebook that she needs to fark with, all of the bills and credit stuff go to her account, so why does she need it? Because she is a control freak, like most women.

Hell, we got in a big old brouhaha once when I changed my password (which EVERYONE should do a couple times a year) and didn't let her know right away.

/ I have nothing to hide, I just like to have my own things.
//With 3 kids it is hard to lay claim to anything but bills...
///yeah I know she is kind-of a biotch...

Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference. All you are accomplishing is to engender distrust in your wife. Sounds like she already has it and you are feeding it. That never leads anything good. If you think you wife is "kind-of a biotch", your marriage isn't going in the right direction and you are vulnerable to an extra-marital affair already. If you love your wife, you need to rethink your position on this. It's only going to be a growing problem if you don't.


Ehhh, I actually agree with Trade Secret. My late husband and I wrote our passwords and PIN numbers and everything into death letters. We knew where each other's was in case something happened. We didn't have each other's info before that. We had the PIN to our shared checking account but not the personal ones. That was our fun money.

Sometimes there's emails or conversations that won't hurt her. I got an email from a cousin needing help with something very sensitive that she would have been embarassed to have anyone else know about. Plus, we can delete emails, so what's the big deal about having our passwords in the first place?

Here's my thing- if a guy is going to cheat he'll find a way, passwords or no. He'll be more likely to if you're an overbearing slag who wants to know exactly why you took 25 minutes to get home from someplace 10 minutes away.
 
2012-11-20 01:28:00 PM

Trade Secret: Me and Mrs Secret have been through multiple fights over passwords and personal accounts. I don't think that it is necessary that she has my passwords to everything (she believes it is) and I don't think that she needs to have my login info for everything (also believes this). There is nothing in my email or Facebook that she needs to fark with, all of the bills and credit stuff go to her account, so why does she need it? Because she is a control freak, like most women.

Hell, we got in a big old brouhaha once when I changed my password (which EVERYONE should do a couple times a year) and didn't let her know right away.

/ I have nothing to hide, I just like to have my own things.
//With 3 kids it is hard to lay claim to anything but bills...
///yeah I know she is kind-of a biotch...


That sucks. Yeah, I think it would be a totally different matter for me if my wife was *demanding* access to my email. I just couldn't fathom her doing that...any more than I could fathom making any effort at all to keep my password from her. It's just not a "thing" for us, probably because we were never the sort to snoop or pry into each others' stuff. I'm perfectly ok with her having my email, because I know she isn't going to read anything in there that's plainly none of her business...and, if she does, and gets angry...well, that's her problem for being a snoop.

"Peek not through a keyhole, lest ye be vexed" has sort of been our operating principle...
 
2012-11-20 01:30:51 PM

kiwimoogle84: Here's my thing- if a guy is going to cheat he'll find a way, passwords or no. He'll be more likely to if you're an overbearing slag who wants to know exactly why you took 25 minutes to get home from someplace 10 minutes away


If it only takes him 15 minutes to cheat, odds are the relationship is going to be disappointing anyway ;}
 
2012-11-20 01:32:23 PM
I'm going to make everyone in here a little more wealthy by giving out my two cents.

The question about whether to have private email accounts is hard. My fiancee and I have email accounts that are private and it doesn't seem to be a problem because we both are completely devoted to each other. On the other hand, if your SO is suspicious and wants to look at your email, telling them no will probably only make it worse. But, depending on the person, handing over the password might not improve anything. But everyone, even a married person, is entitled to some privacy.

/She leaves her email open on our main computer, so I guess I could read it if I wanted to.
//And it's in a foreign language, so I had to learn where the logout button was without knowing the word.
///My life is so difficult.
 
2012-11-20 01:32:46 PM
I'm not too proud to beg!

EIP - BIE!

/knows & respects the rules
 
2012-11-20 01:39:04 PM
It really comes down to the contrasting relational dialectics autonomy vs. connectedness.

Find someone with similar thoughts on these values and the email password wont be a problem.

According to a dialectical viewpoint, relational partners are said to experience three central contradictions: autonomy/connectedness, openness/closedness, and predictability/novelty (Baxter 1988). Autonomy/connectedness refers to the tension experienced due to the pull between wanting to connect as a partner and wanting to preserve an independent identity.

Link 


/my Interpersonal Communications prof would be proud of this post.
 
2012-11-20 01:43:58 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: On the other hand, if your SO is suspicious and wants to look at your email, telling them no will probably only make it worse. But, depending on the person, handing over the password might not improve anything


I was suspicious of my ex (turned out for good reason, she was whoring around with half her WoW guild). When it was only suspicion I demanded her email password. She deleted just about everything. I installed spyware which led me to her secret email accounts. It was ugly.

I didn't like the person I became so I now have a "I don't need to see your shiat" policy. Either I trust or I don't.

I am not saying it is for everyone, but it works for me. The problem wasn't my cheating wife, nor the secret email accounts. The problem was my lack of vetting her as a spouse and reading her email's wouldn't have fixed that.
 
2012-11-20 01:48:16 PM

jst3p: I May Be Crazy But...: On the other hand, if your SO is suspicious and wants to look at your email, telling them no will probably only make it worse. But, depending on the person, handing over the password might not improve anything

I was suspicious of my ex (turned out for good reason, she was whoring around with half her WoW guild). When it was only suspicion I demanded her email password. She deleted just about everything. I installed spyware which led me to her secret email accounts. It was ugly.

I didn't like the person I became so I now have a "I don't need to see your shiat" policy. Either I trust or I don't.

I am not saying it is for everyone, but it works for me. The problem wasn't my cheating wife, nor the secret email accounts. The problem was my lack of vetting her as a spouse and reading her email's wouldn't have fixed that.


That's rough, man.

I guess it's obvious that my post is written from the point of view of someone who isn't suspicious and who isn't cheating on their SO. I honestly have no idea what either of those is like, so... yeah. No idea.
 
2012-11-20 01:48:28 PM

Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference.


If that's how it's supposed to be I'm never getting married. Just reading this and thinking about it makes me feel suffocated. People who write diaries aren't hiding anything usually, but they wouldn't want somebody else reading their personal thoughts there either. If I wanted to fuse into one person I'd become a mad scientist. I think it's also disrespectful to people who are writing to you and expecting YOU only to be reading the mail. I don't think I'd want to write to friends anymore if I knew they were sharing my mails. And I've got nothing to hide and don't write anything weird.... but I'm writing to them, not them and somebody else.
 
2012-11-20 01:50:28 PM

AutumnWind: Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference.

If that's how it's supposed to be I'm never getting married. Just reading this and thinking about it makes me feel suffocated. People who write diaries aren't hiding anything usually, but they wouldn't want somebody else reading their personal thoughts there either. If I wanted to fuse into one person I'd become a mad scientist. I think it's also disrespectful to people who are writing to you and expecting YOU only to be reading the mail. I don't think I'd want to write to friends anymore if I knew they were sharing my mails. And I've got nothing to hide and don't write anything weird.... but I'm writing to them, not them and somebody else.


I truly think marriage therapists highly favor irrational women. Most people are not that way.
 
2012-11-20 01:54:55 PM

jst3p: I May Be Crazy But...: On the other hand, if your SO is suspicious and wants to look at your email, telling them no will probably only make it worse. But, depending on the person, handing over the password might not improve anything

I was suspicious of my ex (turned out for good reason, she was whoring around with half her WoW guild). When it was only suspicion I demanded her email password. She deleted just about everything. I installed spyware which led me to her secret email accounts. It was ugly.

I didn't like the person I became so I now have a "I don't need to see your shiat" policy. Either I trust or I don't.

I am not saying it is for everyone, but it works for me. The problem wasn't my cheating wife, nor the secret email accounts. The problem was my lack of vetting her as a spouse and reading her email's wouldn't have fixed that.


Same here ... it was only after the keylogger on my computer picked up her passwords that the full picture of her cheating came into view. For me, it was a few years ago in college. She started acting different in a way that should've set off warning lights, but I ignored them, thought she still loved me and went on with my life.

Then came the text from nowhere ... the accidental text to her lover. She tried to dismiss it as just joking, but I knew something was up. Got access to her Facebook and email and yep, a 6 month affair with a guy she had me be-friend after hooking up with. The biatch actually introduced us, we got to be decent friends, and holy hell, that was a punch in the groin.

But, I'm like this guy, I now either trust or I don't. I hope nothing leads me back down that path of second guessing phone calls and texts or having to demand what the other is doing, but so far, after 18 months now with truly the love of my life, and a soon to be co-habitator, I think I found the right one.

It just sucks when every once in a while those mindfarks pop in to your mind recalling something said years ago by a different person. Trust issues are a biatch - I don't know how some people can deal with them to lightly.
 
2012-11-20 01:55:13 PM
kiwimoogle84, I hope it's like that. Thank you!
 
2012-11-20 01:55:49 PM
Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...
 
2012-11-20 02:02:30 PM

Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...


It also seems to be the ones who've gotten hold of their wife's passwords.
 
2012-11-20 02:06:03 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...

It also seems to be the ones who've gotten hold of their wife's passwords.


It also is likely ~50% of people posting with no correlation to password knowledge or ignorance.
 
2012-11-20 02:10:05 PM

jst3p: I May Be Crazy But...: Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...

It also seems to be the ones who've gotten hold of their wife's passwords.

It also is likely ~50% of people posting with no correlation to password knowledge or ignorance.


No! There is order in the universe. No such thing as randomness and 'shiat happens'!
 
2012-11-20 02:15:28 PM
I have an email account for every messenger I have ever used, plus my personal and business accounts... so I have like 8 or 9 email accounts, but only use 2
 
2012-11-20 02:17:52 PM

Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...


I'm not divorced, I'm female, and I still think passwords should be private. Your move.
 
2012-11-20 02:19:23 PM

kiwimoogle84: Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...

I'm not divorced, I'm female, and I still think passwords should be private. Your move.


This is why you're full of awesome!
 
2012-11-20 02:20:21 PM

kiwimoogle84: Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...

I'm not divorced, I'm female, and I still think passwords should be private. Your move.


Bazinga!
 
2012-11-20 02:28:25 PM

jst3p: kiwimoogle84: Gabrielmot: Before you mark someone's post here as "smart", it would be best to know who's divorced in this thread.

-Here's a hint, those who don't want their wife to know their passwords...

I'm not divorced, I'm female, and I still think passwords should be private. Your move.

Bazinga!


Having just watched the episode in which Penny gives Sheldon a napkin with Leonard Nimoy's DNA, I'm getting a kick...
 
2012-11-20 02:34:50 PM

AutumnWind: Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference.

If that's how it's supposed to be I'm never getting married. Just reading this and thinking about it makes me feel suffocated. People who write diaries aren't hiding anything usually, but they wouldn't want somebody else reading their personal thoughts there either. If I wanted to fuse into one person I'd become a mad scientist. I think it's also disrespectful to people who are writing to you and expecting YOU only to be reading the mail. I don't think I'd want to write to friends anymore if I knew they were sharing my mails. And I've got nothing to hide and don't write anything weird.... but I'm writing to them, not them and somebody else.


No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together; and 2) that no one's diary has ever talked them into trysting at the local motel during lunch.

There is a HUGE difference between a diary or journal and a secret email account, of which your spouse has no knowledge or, if he/she knows about it, is refused all access. A diary is used to record one's experiences and feelings for purely personal reasons; it must remain sacrosanct private or it is useless. An email account is about communicating with others - dialog, not monolog. You should not expect that your electronic communications (which really aren't private at all) rise to the standard of a diary/journal. We used to have a saying in the early days of the internet: never put anything into an email you wouldn't want your mother to read. If something is so private that you don't want some one else to read it, you don't send it in an email. Ever. Emails are forever and you completely lose control over them after you press send, as Gen. David Petraeus was recently reminded.

I can think of no rational justification for keeping an email account secret from your spouse - the one person you are supposed to trust and honor above all others. There can be only one reason for doing so: one is either up to no good or is planning on it in the future. If this weren't the case, one would not feel the need for secrecy. Rather, they would just do as my wife does and say "if you really want to read that boring crap, you know the password. Just don't look in the folder called 'orders'; I don't want you finding out what I ordered for your birthday."
 
2012-11-20 02:38:03 PM

jst3p: I May Be Crazy But...: On the other hand, if your SO is suspicious and wants to look at your email, telling them no will probably only make it worse. But, depending on the person, handing over the password might not improve anything


Exactly. Something that's perfectly innocent will look to her like evidence of full blown cheating just because the email's got a female name on it.

Psycho Ex (after finding picture of another girl on my computer): Who's this?!
Me: My sister.

I was suspicious of my ex (turned out for good reason, she was whoring around with half her WoW guild). When it was only suspicion I demanded her email password. She deleted just about everything. I installed spyware which led me to her secret email accounts. It was ugly.

I didn't like the person I became so I now have a "I don't need to see your shiat" policy. Either I trust or I don't.


Kudos to you for stepping back from the brink. I once found myself at the edge of that abyss and decided that way lay only madness.

Turns out all my assumptions were unfounded, and I had a friend to talk me back into rationality.
 
2012-11-20 02:38:12 PM

JackieRabbit: AutumnWind: Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference.

If that's how it's supposed to be I'm never getting married. Just reading this and thinking about it makes me feel suffocated. People who write diaries aren't hiding anything usually, but they wouldn't want somebody else reading their personal thoughts there either. If I wanted to fuse into one person I'd become a mad scientist. I think it's also disrespectful to people who are writing to you and expecting YOU only to be reading the mail. I don't think I'd want to write to friends anymore if I knew they were sharing my mails. And I've got nothing to hide and don't write anything weird.... but I'm writing to them, not them and somebody else.

No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together; and 2) that no one's diary has ever talked them into trysting at the local motel during lunch.

There is a HUGE difference between a diary or journal and a secret email account, of which your spouse has no knowledge or, if he/she knows about it, is refused all access. A diary is used to record one's experiences and feelings for purely personal reasons; it must remain sacrosanct private or it is useless. An email account is about communicating with others - dialog, not monolog. You should not expect that your electronic communications (which really aren't private at all) rise to the standard of a diary/journal. We used to have a saying in the early days of the internet: never put anything into an email you wouldn't want your mother to read. ...


This ... so. much. this.
 
2012-11-20 02:47:10 PM
Jackie Rabbit-

"No, you should not marry...to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together"

WHAT?!?

Ok. Fun story time. I have a friend. He's been married for ten years. Over the course of those ten years all the things he loved before they got together (anime, video games, pinup girls, roller derby, smoking a pipe, magic the gathering, comic books, etc) eventually got all packed into boxes in the garage. He has no hobbies. He has no friends because his wife disapproves of them. He exists to drive his wife and her mother around. He is a slave to her whims and can't even leave the house for an hour without explaining himself fully, and even then it always leads to an argument.

By your definition, this is a normal, healthy, functional marriage.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

A functioning marriage is about compromise and maintaining a sense of self even though you are half of a whole. Being fine with spending an evening by yourself or out with your people while they are at their DnD group. A wife happy to make lots of little sandwiches and spinach dip for the guys then excusing herself to a pedicure while they watch the Super Bowl. A husband happy to spend a night at his buddy's house so they can have a Molly Ringwald marathon and makeovers sleepover party.

There is something very VERY wrong with your brain if you think for ONE INSTANT that becoming a blob of two people where you can't tell where one ends and the other begins is a healthy marriage.

/endrant
 
2012-11-20 02:48:50 PM

JackieRabbit: AutumnWind: Marriage therapists agree with your wife. Sorry, but they see everyday what comes of partners opening secret email and other communications accounts. Why do you feel that you have some sort of right to a private email account that your wife cannot see? Marriage isn't about mine and yours, but ours. If you aren't hiding anything, it shouldn't make any difference.

If that's how it's supposed to be I'm never getting married. Just reading this and thinking about it makes me feel suffocated. People who write diaries aren't hiding anything usually, but they wouldn't want somebody else reading their personal thoughts there either. If I wanted to fuse into one person I'd become a mad scientist. I think it's also disrespectful to people who are writing to you and expecting YOU only to be reading the mail. I don't think I'd want to write to friends anymore if I knew they were sharing my mails. And I've got nothing to hide and don't write anything weird.... but I'm writing to them, not them and somebody else.

No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together; and 2) that no one's diary has ever talked them into trysting at the local motel during lunch.

There is a HUGE difference between a diary or journal and a secret email account, of which your spouse has no knowledge or, if he/she knows about it, is refused all access. A diary is used to record one's experiences and feelings for purely personal reasons; it must remain sacrosanct private or it is useless. An email account is about communicating with others - dialog, not monolog. You should not expect that your electronic communications (which really aren't private at all) rise to the standard of a diary/journal. We used to have a saying in the early days of the internet: never put anything into an email you wouldn't want your mother to read. ...


I have a problem with your idea that everything I do is open to being monitored by my SO. (For one thing, I poop) To start with, I have friends who talk to me about things that are personal to them, and that they don't want to be widely known. Be damned if I know why, but apparently I'm good at listening to people complain about their relationship or lack thereof. They don't want me telling everyone about it - and telling my SO is still gossiping. I have relationships with people who I'm in no way interested in marrying or screwing and some of that includes being able to keep my mouth shut. Some of that talking happens via email or google chat, so if she did want to see my email, I'd have to ask her not to open any from a couple different women.

And even if it wasn't for that, I simply will not tolerate being monitered. I'm marrying my fiancee because I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. That doesn't mean I'm agreeing to account to her for every second. Married or no, we're different people with different interests - when I'm doing something she's not interested in, she doesn't need to be a part of it, and vice versa.

Another thing is that if the only thing keeping your SO from cheating on you is that you'll read the email, there's not really anything keeping them from cheating on you.
 
2012-11-20 02:48:55 PM

JackieRabbit: No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together; and 2) that no one's diary has ever talked them into trysting at the local motel during lunch.


Point 1 begs the question.

That may be your definition, and it may work for you. But I can tell you it is not the way my wife and I view marriage. In fact, we expect that we each retain some autonomy for the sake of the relationship. We did *not* want to become one organism, rather complement each other yet retain our identies.
It works for us very well; it may not work for you - we can all agree there is no right or wrong way to be married.
 
2012-11-20 02:49:32 PM

kiwimoogle84: Jackie Rabbit-

"No, you should not marry...to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together"

WHAT?!?

Ok. Fun story time. I have a friend. He's been married for ten years. Over the course of those ten years all the things he loved before they got together (anime, video games, pinup girls, roller derby, smoking a pipe, magic the gathering, comic books, etc) eventually got all packed into boxes in the garage. He has no hobbies. He has no friends because his wife disapproves of them. He exists to drive his wife and her mother around. He is a slave to her whims and can't even leave the house for an hour without explaining himself fully, and even then it always leads to an argument.

By your definition, this is a normal, healthy, functional marriage.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

A functioning marriage is about compromise and maintaining a sense of self even though you are half of a whole. Being fine with spending an evening by yourself or out with your people while they are at their DnD group. A wife happy to make lots of little sandwiches and spinach dip for the guys then excusing herself to a pedicure while they watch the Super Bowl. A husband happy to spend a night at his buddy's house so they can have a Molly Ringwald marathon and makeovers sleepover party.

There is something very VERY wrong with your brain if you think for ONE INSTANT that becoming a blob of two people where you can't tell where one ends and the other begins is a healthy marriage.

/endrant


Let me clear up that " A husband happy to spend a night at his buddy's house so they can have a Molly Ringwald marathon and makeovers sleepover party" is the wife having friends over, not the man doing that with his buddy. Though that should have been obvious.
 
2012-11-20 02:50:36 PM

kiwimoogle84: Let me clear up that " A husband happy to spend a night at his buddy's house so they can have a Molly Ringwald marathon and makeovers sleepover party" is the wife having friends over, not the man doing that with his buddy. Though that should have been obvious.


Don't judge me!
 
2012-11-20 02:51:29 PM

kiwimoogle84: Let me clear up that " A husband happy to spend a night at his buddy's house so they can have a Molly Ringwald marathon and makeovers sleepover party" is the wife having friends over, not the man doing that with his buddy. Though that should have been obvious


Not that there's anything wrong with that....
 
2012-11-20 03:03:37 PM

JackieRabbit: Emails are forever and you completely lose control over them after you press send, as Gen. David Petraeus was recently reminded.


Just a point of clarification - He wasn't even hitting send. They had a joint email account, and would save 'drafts' that the other would read.

kiwimoogle84: Jackie Rabbit-

"No, you should not marry...to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together"

WHAT?!?

Ok. Fun story time. I have a friend. He's been married for ten years. Over the course of those ten years all the things he loved before they got together (anime, video games, pinup girls, roller derby, smoking a pipe, magic the gathering, comic books, etc) eventually got all packed into boxes in the garage. He has no hobbies. He has no friends because his wife disapproves of them. He exists to drive his wife and her mother around. He is a slave to her whims and can't even leave the house for an hour without explaining himself fully, and even then it always leads to an argument.

By your definition, this is a normal, healthy, functional marriage.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

A functioning marriage is about compromise and maintaining a sense of self even though you are half of a whole. Being fine with spending an evening by yourself or out with your people while they are at their DnD group. A wife happy to make lots of little sandwiches and spinach dip for the guys then excusing herself to a pedicure while they watch the Super Bowl. A husband happy to spend a night at his buddy's house so they can have a Molly Ringwald marathon and makeovers sleepover party.

There is something very VERY wrong with your brain if you think for ONE INSTANT that becoming a blob of two people where you can't tell where one ends and the other begins is a healthy marriage.

/endrant


The more I get to know you, the more I like you...
 
2012-11-20 03:09:02 PM

JackieRabbit: No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together;


This might be your feelings on the matter but if you think how you feel should apply to everyone you are batshiat crazy.

See the link I gave earlier regarding relationship dialectics. Think of a gauge and on one side is "complete autonomy" and other the other side is "complete connectedness".

If the connected side of the gauge works for you and your spouse, great. I lean "autonomous". So does my girlfriend. That does not mean we are both completely autonomous. It isn't black or white, it is finding someone who likes the same shade of grey that you do.
 
2012-11-20 03:09:44 PM
I've been married. We took one some of each other's hobbies and likes but when he planned his friend's bachelor party, I helped pick out the stripper!

When we hosted a friend's 25th birthday, he singlehandedly rearranged all the furniture for me before stocking the fridge and helping me decorate, even though he didn't know her that well. He even helped me clean up the next day and did most of it because I was really hung over.

Any good marriage is give and take, not 100% give. Any woman who wants to squash a person's individual awesomeness doesn't deserve them. That goes the other way around, too. My brother in law has almost completely beaten down my sister's free will and I hate it.

And thanks for backing me up, guys. I knew I wasn't (entirely) crazy.
 
2012-11-20 03:10:01 PM

JackieRabbit: 2) that no one's diary has ever talked them into trysting at the local motel during lunch.


That.. um... that's not entirely true. I've been known to appreciate a notebook with nice binding.

/That diary is well built.
//And if you get a few, then they can be stacked!
 
2012-11-20 03:10:22 PM

jst3p: JackieRabbit: No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together;

This might be your feelings on the matter but if you think how you feel should apply to everyone you are batshiat crazy.

See the link I gave earlier regarding relationship dialectics. Think of a gauge and on one side is "complete autonomy" and other the other side is "complete connectedness".

If the connected side of the gauge works for you and your spouse, great. I lean "autonomous". So does my girlfriend. That does not mean we are both completely autonomous. It isn't black or white, it is finding someone who likes the same shade of grey that you do.


Ok I had you favor
 
2012-11-20 03:11:42 PM

jst3p: JackieRabbit: No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together;

This might be your feelings on the matter but if you think how you feel should apply to everyone you are batshiat crazy.

See the link I gave earlier regarding relationship dialectics. Think of a gauge and on one side is "complete autonomy" and other the other side is "complete connectedness".

If the connected side of the gauge works for you and your spouse, great. I lean "autonomous". So does my girlfriend. That does not mean we are both completely autonomous. It isn't black or white, it is finding someone who likes the same shade of grey that you do.


Ok I had you favorited in orange for a while (orange means I'm not sure if I like you) but you've proven to be reasonable. Back to green you go.

(FYI the fark iPhone app kind of blows, it's too easy to accidentally hit submit before you're done)
 
2012-11-20 03:16:26 PM

kiwimoogle84: jst3p: JackieRabbit: No, you should not marry. At least not until you come to understand two things: 1) to marry is to voluntarily surrender autonomy for the sake of the relationship, so that the two of you can build a life together;

This might be your feelings on the matter but if you think how you feel should apply to everyone you are batshiat crazy.

See the link I gave earlier regarding relationship dialectics. Think of a gauge and on one side is "complete autonomy" and other the other side is "complete connectedness".

If the connected side of the gauge works for you and your spouse, great. I lean "autonomous". So does my girlfriend. That does not mean we are both completely autonomous. It isn't black or white, it is finding someone who likes the same shade of grey that you do.

Ok I had you favorited in orange for a while (orange means I'm not sure if I like you) but you've proven to be reasonable. Back to green you go.

(FYI the fark iPhone app kind of blows, it's too easy to accidentally hit submit before you're done)


I like you too.

Don't worry, I am often kind of an ass so I bet you move me back to orange in no time!

I do find it humorous when someone says "my marriage works and this is how we do it, so everyone should do it this way!"

Then again I am twice divorced so what do I know?
 
2012-11-20 03:17:06 PM

kiwimoogle84: I knew I wasn't (entirely) crazy.


Right...

As long ass you're saying something similar to me, there might be a problem with that reasoning.
 
2012-11-20 03:17:13 PM
At first, my take was just, "so this is actually an issue for people? Weird, I never really thought about it."

The more I read through the thread, I've got to say: if your sense of personal privacy in a relationship depends on having secret passwords, that's sort of sad. I mean, if the only way you can trust that your partner is not rooting through your email is to do the virtual-world equivalent of hiding a key in a coffee tin buried out in the backyard...maybe your relationship has bigger issues.

I mean, if you leave your computer on around in your home, do you actually feel the need to log out from your email account before you leave the room? Because that's perfectly normal behavior...around coworkers and the like. Around the person you supposedly committed yourself to for the rest of your life, in your own home...that's, kinda weird.
 
2012-11-20 03:32:42 PM
For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Believe what you will or must. Get back to me in 20 years and let me know how it works out for you.
 
2012-11-20 03:35:48 PM

JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Believe what you will or must. Get back to me in 20 years and let me know how it works out for you.


I was widowed. Had he not died we'd still be happily together.

And no, divorces fail because people don't communicate their needs, and they ignore flags. Marriage is about doing things for each other and compromising, not giving up your own identity. Though with so many kinds of people in this world, you can't speak for us all. Sometimes your methods will work, sometimes they won't.

But if you get to a place where you need marriage counseling, it's already almost too late I think.
 
2012-11-20 03:36:57 PM

JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.


Because human beings, by nature, are not meant to be monogamous for life just like most of the animals on the earth and society is no longer shunning those who realize this?
 
2012-11-20 03:37:48 PM

jst3p: JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Because human beings, by nature, are not meant to be monogamous for life just like most of the animals on the earth and society is no longer shunning those who realize this?


Hey it works for some people. It doesn't for others. Sometimes it's just about finding the right combination.
 
2012-11-20 03:46:10 PM

kiwimoogle84: jst3p: JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Because human beings, by nature, are not meant to be monogamous for life just like most of the animals on the earth and society is no longer shunning those who realize this?

Hey it works for some people. It doesn't for others. Sometimes it's just about finding the right combination.


Fair enough, but I think I make a fair point about the divorce rate. It doesn't necessarily mean more marriages are failing. It could be an indicator they fewer failed marriages like this one "she can't leave the man who beats her and her kids because she can't get a job and society will treat her like a leper if she does" are being continued. 

In short, divorce is not the only indicator of a failed marriage.
 
2012-11-20 03:48:44 PM

jst3p: kiwimoogle84: jst3p: JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Because human beings, by nature, are not meant to be monogamous for life just like most of the animals on the earth and society is no longer shunning those who realize this?

Hey it works for some people. It doesn't for others. Sometimes it's just about finding the right combination.

Fair enough, but I think I make a fair point about the divorce rate. It doesn't necessarily mean more marriages are failing. It could be an indicator they fewer failed marriages like this one "she can't leave the man who beats her and her kids because she can't get a job and society will treat her like a leper if she does" are being continued. 

In short, divorce is not the only indicator of a failed marriage.


Oh absolutely. Thank god my mom had the balls to take my sisters and I and RUN.

I see a lot of couples who claim to never fight. Not fighting isn't an indicator of a happy marriage, it's an indicator of a miserable, non-communicative one.
 
2012-11-20 03:55:36 PM
JackieRabbit ,

What are you talking about? I just gave you rational justification for keeping an email account secret from your spouse. And no it has nothing to do with being up to no good. If you think the ONLY reason somebody would keep a password from a spouse is because of no good then you are paranoid with trust issues. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I'm so worried about them cheating that I have to know everything. That's not trust. If you think somebody can be lured away to a hotel room from an e-mail you never really where in a healthy relationship with them to begin with.

I'll say it again t's disrespectful and rude to let somebody else read e-mails that are meant for me. Sometimes my friends write funny things I'd like to share those things with other people so I ask them first if it's okay because they sent it to me in an e-mail with the understanding that I'm the one reading it. I'm not going to post private e-mails to me somewhere else or let somebody else read them without getting permission first from the person writing to me. I'd be really really really upset if a friend of mine shared my e-mails with somebody else. And I would not write to them anymore. And no my e-mails are not sneaky bad mails .. it's just silly stuff that doesn't matter. But trust matters. And if I can't even write an e-mail to somebody without it being shared then I'm not going to trust that friend anymore. I should be able to have conversations with my friends without somebody's husband or boyfriend getting in the middle of it. Sometimes you just want to talk to your friend.

I can't stand the attitude that if you are doing nothing wrong you have nothing to hide because I'm doing nothing wrong and I have nothing to hide. It's such a bad feeling to know you're living your life doing nothing wrong and somebody comes along and says they have to monitor what you do because there is no reason not to. It literally gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. It's like you're not even thought of as a person but some crazy animal who can't be trusted not to run off so you need to be in a cage. It takes away fun in your life. It takes away your individuality. It takes away from personal relationships you have with your friends.

I can't think of any reason somebody would need the password to my e-mail unless they were the paranoid stalker type. My e-mails are sent to me. ME. What is somebody else going to do with my mail other than be a stalker?

Gosh, just imagine if somebody had a total psycho husband and he used e-mails to get personal information on people for bad reasons. Or if he read e-mail from a friend and developed a crush on them and started writing to them pretending he was the wife at first. This all is just so creepy I can't even deal.
 
2012-11-20 03:57:29 PM

JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Believe what you will or must. Get back to me in 20 years and let me know how it works out for you.


Either there are a lot of married people who aren't living together or living together unmarried is a much better idea than getting hitched.

And who's to say that it's not your shockingly co-dependent ideas that are responsible?
 
2012-11-20 04:02:15 PM
I should say my parents have been married for over 30 years. They don't even care about different e-mail accounts.
 
2012-11-20 04:03:30 PM
By the way Jackie Rabbit- you ignored my question. Did my description of my poor friend's marriage, in which he sacrificed complete individuality and identity and no longer has any shred of life of his own, sound healthy to you?

If you say yes, you're completely insane and you're what's wrong with women. I have to imagine you're female because no man would EVER spout the kind of nonsense you're trying to feed everyone.
 
2012-11-20 04:10:56 PM

kiwimoogle84: By the way Jackie Rabbit- you ignored my question. Did my description of my poor friend's marriage, in which he sacrificed complete individuality and identity and no longer has any shred of life of his own, sound healthy to you?

If you say yes, you're completely insane and you're what's wrong with women. I have to imagine you're female because no man would EVER spout the kind of nonsense you're trying to feed everyone.


I wouldn't bet on the male gender having great ideas when it comes to relationships.
 
2012-11-20 04:11:52 PM

JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Believe what you will or must. Get back to me in 20 years and let me know how it works out for you.


It may have something to do with marrying the wrong person, or jumping into a bad marriage because society tells you you have to be married to be a real person. Too many people shackle themselves to jerks and biatches because they think they have to.

kiwimoogle84:
Ok. Fun story time. I have a friend. He's been married for ten years. Over the course of those ten years all the things he loved before they got together (anime, video games, pinup girls, roller derby, smoking a pipe, magic the gathering, comic books, etc) eventually got all packed into boxes in the garage. He has no hobbies. He has no friends because his wife disapproves of them. He exists to drive his wife and her mother around. He is a slave to her whims and can't even leave the house for an hour without explaining himself fully, and even then it always leads to an argument.

That story is like looking into my alternate future if things had worked out for the worse (she actually joked once about my growing my balls back like it was a bad thing).

/I like these threads because everyone I know in real life is sick of my stories
//except the current, she's alternately amused and horrified by the psychopaths who came before her
 
2012-11-20 04:16:02 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: kiwimoogle84: By the way Jackie Rabbit- you ignored my question. Did my description of my poor friend's marriage, in which he sacrificed complete individuality and identity and no longer has any shred of life of his own, sound healthy to you?

If you say yes, you're completely insane and you're what's wrong with women. I have to imagine you're female because no man would EVER spout the kind of nonsense you're trying to feed everyone.

I wouldn't bet on the male gender having great ideas when it comes to relationships.


*TWEEEEEET*

Personal foul. Unnecessary sexism. That's a ten yard penalty, repeat second down!

Some of the most acclaimed experts in the field of interpersonal communication and relationship therapy are men.
 
2012-11-20 04:17:14 PM

Bondith: JackieRabbit: For those of you calling me down about my ideas about marriage: there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and why the failure rate of cohabiting relationships is 87%. You are illustrating it for us.

Believe what you will or must. Get back to me in 20 years and let me know how it works out for you.

It may have something to do with marrying the wrong person, or jumping into a bad marriage because society tells you you have to be married to be a real person. Too many people shackle themselves to jerks and biatches because they think they have to.

kiwimoogle84:
Ok. Fun story time. I have a friend. He's been married for ten years. Over the course of those ten years all the things he loved before they got together (anime, video games, pinup girls, roller derby, smoking a pipe, magic the gathering, comic books, etc) eventually got all packed into boxes in the garage. He has no hobbies. He has no friends because his wife disapproves of them. He exists to drive his wife and her mother around. He is a slave to her whims and can't even leave the house for an hour without explaining himself fully, and even then it always leads to an argument.

That story is like looking into my alternate future if things had worked out for the worse (she actually joked once about my growing my balls back like it was a bad thing).

/I like these threads because everyone I know in real life is sick of my stories
//except the current, she's alternately amused and horrified by the psychopaths who came before her


I swear, I think I've had a relationship with every bad type of boyfriend there is. The man child (had a new ps3 and TV but had holes in his socks and underwear)

the overly attached to mommy (was too scared to finish college even though his parents were footing the bill and was on antidepressants for no reason whatsoever)

The overly controlling (actually told me I shouldn't wear pants anymore, skirts only)

The subtly abusive (told me to put the fork down because he could hear me getting fat)

The not so subtly abusive (broke my jaw)

...etc.

Yeah, we've all got stories. Hopefully you've got a good one now.
 
2012-11-20 04:32:01 PM

kiwimoogle84: The subtly abusive (told me to put the fork down because he could hear me getting fat)


Sorry, I loled.
 
2012-11-20 04:34:02 PM

jst3p: kiwimoogle84: The subtly abusive (told me to put the fork down because he could hear me getting fat)

Sorry, I loled.


Oh it's hilarious now. Don't worry. I laugh too.
 
2012-11-20 04:35:41 PM

kiwimoogle84: jst3p: kiwimoogle84: The subtly abusive (told me to put the fork down because he could hear me getting fat)

Sorry, I loled.

Oh it's hilarious now. Don't worry. I laugh too.


That's subtle?
 
2012-11-20 04:36:20 PM
I don't open my TF that often anymore. Staring down into that vast, empty, BIE-less abyss gnaws on my soul.
/Just a little each time
//still hurts though
 
2012-11-20 04:46:52 PM
I wouldn't give my passwords to my wife my mistress would get pissed. Besides going through my emails is akin to going through her purse IMO.
 
2012-11-20 04:57:24 PM
Amateurs....

www.ndtv.com
 
2012-11-20 05:02:39 PM
My wife doesn't know my email password and I don't know hers because, well, we're adults and we each have our own private space.
 
2012-11-20 05:11:07 PM

AutumnWind: JackieRabbit ,

What are you talking about? I just gave you rational justification for keeping an email account secret from your spouse. And no it has nothing to do with being up to no good. If you think the ONLY reason somebody would keep a password from a spouse is because of no good then you are paranoid with trust issues. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I'm so worried about them cheating that I have to know everything. That's not trust. If you think somebody can be lured away to a hotel room from an e-mail you never really where in a healthy relationship with them to begin with.


Second.

I'm starting to think that JackieRabbit might actually be my ex.

kiwimoogle84
Yeah, we've all got stories. Hopefully you've got a good one now.

The best. I appreciate her more because I've got such insanity to compare her to.

Unless you were talking about stories. I've got plenty of those too.
 
2012-11-20 05:19:15 PM
I check my husband's email regularly. The only emails he ever gets are from his old college friend, Ashley Madison. They're just friends, so it's okay...
 
2012-11-20 05:28:33 PM
BIE? 

It's never BIE...
 
2012-11-20 06:02:40 PM
When the woman I have sex with most often and I have sex with other people, and its not the same event, we'll typically tell each other all about it if it was hot and interesting, or perhaps just say "meh" if it wasn't.

Pardon me for having no interest in marriage whatsoever.
 
2012-11-20 06:24:23 PM

jst3p: I May Be Crazy But...: kiwimoogle84: By the way Jackie Rabbit- you ignored my question. Did my description of my poor friend's marriage, in which he sacrificed complete individuality and identity and no longer has any shred of life of his own, sound healthy to you?

If you say yes, you're completely insane and you're what's wrong with women. I have to imagine you're female because no man would EVER spout the kind of nonsense you're trying to feed everyone.

I wouldn't bet on the male gender having great ideas when it comes to relationships.

*TWEEEEEET*

Personal foul. Unnecessary sexism. That's a ten yard penalty, repeat second down!

Some of the most acclaimed experts in the field of interpersonal communication and relationship therapy are men.


I should have said something like "having a monopoly on great ideas". Not that some guys don't know what's going on, but that some guys surely think like that.
 
2012-11-20 06:36:19 PM

JackieRabbit: Dimensio: jst3p: Dimensio: I am too technically inclined and security-conscious to consider giving anyone, even a significant other, access to my email accounts. I cannot comprehend needing a "secret" email account to hide correspondence from a significant other, because any significant other that I would have would have no reason to access my standard email accounts.

This.

I don't have hers and she doesn't have mine. If "trust" requires that you read each others email, well that isn't what I think "trust" looks like.

When previously in a relationship, my significant other did not have a login password for my computer, and I did not have a login password for his. The concept of giving a romantic partner access to private computer accounts is incomprehensible to me.

I agree with you. A mere boyfriend or girlfriend is not entitled to such private information. Until there is a commitment of exclusivity - as in cohabiting or marrying - it's none of his/her business.


Fortunately, the voters of the state of Kentucky prevented our relationship from reaching that state.
 
2012-11-20 07:22:43 PM

SuperChuck: kiwimoogle84: jst3p: kiwimoogle84: The subtly abusive (told me to put the fork down because he could hear me getting fat)

Sorry, I loled.

Oh it's hilarious now. Don't worry. I laugh too.

That's subtle?


More subtle than a broken jaw...

or three ribs...
 
2012-11-20 10:56:49 PM
....could hear me getting fat....


The whole thread was worth this.

/"ex"-wife cheated on me using the inter webs mail
//had a SO that had to read my texts and emails........goodbye
///don't share any of that with anyone
////cause I DONT cheat
 
2012-11-21 01:43:49 AM

mrbach: ....could hear me getting fat....


The whole thread was worth this.

/"ex"-wife cheated on me using the inter webs mail
//had a SO that had to read my texts and emails........goodbye
///don't share any of that with anyone
////cause I DONT cheat


Happy to have made your evening with my horror stories :)
 
2012-11-21 01:56:36 AM
yes

bie? eip
 
2012-11-21 08:49:36 AM
My BIE account can hardly be considered secret since I have EIP.
 
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