If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Bloomberg)   America finds vast reserves of Twinkies and Wonder Bread hidden in its hat   (bloomberg.com) divider line 120
    More: Followup, twinkies, baked goods  
•       •       •

9648 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Nov 2012 at 7:59 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



120 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-11-20 09:07:57 AM

Deep Contact: I can see strip searches starting at the border looking for hidden twinkies.


Where the hell could someone hide a twinkie?
 
2012-11-20 09:08:08 AM
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

Bob: Good day and welcome to the Great White North, eh? Today we're going to be looking at stuff you can do with a Twinkies up here in the Great White North.

Doug: 'cause they're like okay but they need something extra.

Bob: Like back bacon, eh? Here we have a Twinkies sandwich with back bacon inside. You just take the twofer Twinkies and smash some back bacon between 'em. It's like all the food groups: meat, bread stuff and dessert, all together, eh?

Doug: That is, like good for when you are on the go. If you're late for hockey practice, eh?

Bob: Like my brother always is.

Doug: Take off. You're like "Ma! Where's my skates? Ma! Where's my toque?

Bob: No way, Hoser. You can eat that on the go and it's good too. Next, we got the poutine 'n Twinkies.

Doug: My brother tried to eat this while driving the van. How'd that work out for ya, you hoser?

Bob: This is good for a sit down dinner like Boxing Day Dinner, eh? Not so much for the one the go type.

Doug: Yeah! Stick with the back bacon and Twinkies if you're driving. Next, the one we can't recommend is the Twinkies Dunkers. First, the opening of the Molson bottle is too small.

Bob: Can't get the Twinkies in there, eh? Just clogs it.

Doug: Yeah. My hosehead brother is out a Twinkies and a Molson for trying that one, eh?

Bob: I gave 'em to dad. He's mad cause the beer's got floaties in it.

Doug: Uhg! So remember, eh? No dunking the Twinkies in the Molson. You'll just ruin a perfectly good beer, eh?

Bob: And you'll be out a Twinkies.

Doug: So, like that's all the time we have for the Great White North this week. Tune in next time when we take a frozen Ding Dong to the hockey rink.

Bob: You wait until there's a great play and you fling it on to the ice. Everyone thinks it's another hockey puck, eh?

Doug: Yeah until they hit it. So, take off, eh?

Bob: Take off, eh.
 
2012-11-20 09:12:36 AM

fruitloop: abhorrent1: This is how farking stupid people are

No, THIS is how farking stupid people are.

/holy shiat, it has a bid


It has a bid... from an account that has only bid on 2 things ever. Both twinkie listings. AKA fake account.
 
2012-11-20 09:12:55 AM
Dear Americans,

For years, we've had to listen to you pontificate about how the United States was the "greatest country in the world!". Although it's been fairly quiet recently, you've made us feel inferior for years.

As such, please keep your hands off of our:
- cheap meds
- water
- oil
- twinkies

You can keep Shania, Celine, and Nickelback.

Sincerely,

Your good buddy, Canada
 
2012-11-20 09:13:46 AM

great_tigers: Honestly cannot tell you the last time I had a twinkie. Why are people losing their freaking minds over this?


Because it's yet another example of an evil UNION of low-wage workers single-handedly destroying a perfectly managed and well-run company, taking food out of the mouths of the noble Job Creators who labored day and night to build the company with their bare hands, only to see it ruthlessly crushed by an evil UNION and their greedy socialist demands for commie crap like pay and benefits. UNIONS ARE BAD!!!!1
 
2012-11-20 09:14:01 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: ElBarto79: ox45tallboy: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Well, there goes another goddamned retirement plan

No, I would think there is going to be a huge market in smuggling Twinkies across the border.

I didn't realize twinkies were contraband. Canadians sell a lot of maple syrup here completely legally, wouldn't the same be true for baked goods?

The maple syrup is Canadian branded or rebranded and sold in the US. But Twinkies are branded in the US already, so selling Canadian ones here would be a violation of that brand.


That and it's a dairy product. You can't bring dairy into the country without permits and all that.
 
2012-11-20 09:14:42 AM

Methadone Girls: So I should take orders for when I come to this years Fark con?

I mean, I would hate to see you farkers have to turn to vegetables or something!


Imagine the first couple of months after they stop production... people will start to go through sugar withdrawals. That's gonna make for some compelling episodes of "Intervention"
 
2012-11-20 09:16:07 AM
I just wanted to say that the headline was awesome.

/that is all
//good jorb subby
///a winnar is you
 
2012-11-20 09:16:14 AM
I am sure that very soon Wal Mart will be selling "Winkies" or some such nonsense
 
2012-11-20 09:17:52 AM
Don't feel bad, America, at least you've still got these:

t1.gstatic.com

Right?
 
2012-11-20 09:18:12 AM
Subby's got it wrong:

rlv.zcache.com
 
2012-11-20 09:19:59 AM

Danger Mouse: Over the past few days no one, NO ONE has mentioned any sadness over losing Snoballs...where's the love for Sno Balls?


I'm not seeing any love either for the best thing Hostess made: Suzy-Q's
 
2012-11-20 09:20:18 AM

mod3072: great_tigers: Honestly cannot tell you the last time I had a twinkie. Why are people losing their freaking minds over this?

Because it's yet another example of an evil UNION of low-wage workers single-handedly destroying a perfectly managed and well-run company, taking food out of the mouths of the noble Job Creators who labored day and night to build the company with their bare hands, only to see it ruthlessly crushed by an evil UNION and their greedy socialist demands for commie crap like pay and benefits. UNIONS ARE BAD!!!!1


Not sure if sarcasm....invoking poe's law....
 
2012-11-20 09:21:43 AM
Next week's headline: Canadians complain of Twinkie shortage because of Americans coming north to hoard buy Twinkies.
 
2012-11-20 09:22:07 AM

jaybeezey: great_tigers: Honestly cannot tell you the last time I had a twinkie. Why are people losing their freaking minds over this?

nostalgia, nothing more.

if a business can't make it, it should die.
i'm looking you GM.


The business could make it, but socialist pro union laws killed it off.
 
2012-11-20 09:22:53 AM
smartcanucks.ca

24.media.tumblr.com

Known smuggler of this and other contraband. They make you sign a waiver now for AC and C!
 
2012-11-20 09:24:20 AM

sno man: You just love us for our resources...
natural and otherwise

ox45tallboy: I think that Canadians actually enjoy how silly we Americans look sometimes.

It does help us feel superior... but then we feel really guilty aboot being superior, so we spell stuff funny and pronounce it weird so you guys can feel superior too.


Oh you Canadians are so goshdarn adorable!

Actually, the angriest I've ever seen a Canadian is when we were arguing whether "ax" was a valid word in Scrabble, or if it had to be "axe".

To be fair, that was after 2 days of being snowed in. 

/the quiet superiority and the constant apologizing in a passive aggressive way that's really a thinly veiled sarcasm, well, that's much more common
 
2012-11-20 09:25:02 AM

Devolving_Spud: Subby's got it wrong:


Well, at least it keeps our Florida under wraps.
 
2012-11-20 09:25:41 AM
It's so cute when Canada tries to stay relevant.
 
2012-11-20 09:25:44 AM
More canadian contraband.

a248.e.akamai.net

a248.e.akamai.net 

I've said too much...
 
2012-11-20 09:29:03 AM

Deep Contact: I can see strip searches starting at the border looking for hidden twinkies.


Given the attractiveness of the female border guard that was at the checkpoint on my last trip to Canada, I would be okay with this.

/bonjour indeed
 
2012-11-20 09:33:12 AM
You took basketball from us, America, so we are taking your Twinkies from you. and no takesy-backsies.
 
2012-11-20 09:42:31 AM
This thread is pointless without discussion of all-dressed chips!

Also, no one did a Smokey and the Bandit PS yet?
 
2012-11-20 09:43:05 AM

Methadone Girls: So I should take orders for when I come to this years Fark con?

I mean, I would hate to see you farkers have to turn to vegetables or something!


I think to get Farkers to eat Twinkies you need to ferment them with hops first, so they can be drunk instead.
 
2012-11-20 09:43:17 AM

mod3072: great_tigers: Honestly cannot tell you the last time I had a twinkie. Why are people losing their freaking minds over this?

Because it's yet another example of an evil UNION of low-wage workers single-handedly destroying a perfectly managed and well-run company, taking food out of the mouths of the noble Job Creators who labored day and night to build the company with their bare hands, only to see it ruthlessly crushed by an evil UNION and their greedy socialist demands for commie crap like pay and benefits. UNIONS ARE BAD!!!!1


Or, it's about a union that would rather see a business fail completely than struggle along. If the workers there wanted to leave a sinking business (or could have) then they would...the union decided for them to put the business down, and put all the workers out of work just to prove a point. fark them.
 
2012-11-20 09:45:38 AM

LazarusLong42: Methadone Girls: So I should take orders for when I come to this years Fark con?

I mean, I would hate to see you farkers have to turn to vegetables or something!

I think to get Farkers to eat Twinkies you need to ferment them with hops first, so they can be drunk instead.


Or treat it like a Baba au Rhum, all you have to do is soak it in booze.
/mmm booze
 
2012-11-20 09:47:27 AM

Generation_D: More canadian contraband.

[a248.e.akamai.net image 251x354]

[a248.e.akamai.net image 177x249] 

I've said too much...


Ok, I would try some dill pickle chips, BUT KETCHUP CHIPS IS WHERE WE DRAW THE LINE!
 
2012-11-20 09:48:09 AM
All your Twinkies they belong to us
 
2012-11-20 10:01:57 AM

Bullseyed: AverageAmericanGuy: ElBarto79: ox45tallboy: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Well, there goes another goddamned retirement plan

No, I would think there is going to be a huge market in smuggling Twinkies across the border.

I didn't realize twinkies were contraband. Canadians sell a lot of maple syrup here completely legally, wouldn't the same be true for baked goods?

The maple syrup is Canadian branded or rebranded and sold in the US. But Twinkies are branded in the US already, so selling Canadian ones here would be a violation of that brand.

That and it's a dairy product. You can't bring dairy into the country without permits and all that.


Umm plenty of foreign companies sell dairy products in the US. Ever had a nice French Brie? All I'm saying is as long as there's a market for twinkies in the US someone will find a way to supply it. Whether its some other company buying the US assets and restarting production, or the current management working out a deal with the union to avoid bankruptcy or the Canadian manufacturer stepping in to fill the void, a deal will be made and the shelves will continue being stocked.
 
2012-11-20 10:03:03 AM

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: mod3072: great_tigers: Honestly cannot tell you the last time I had a twinkie. Why are people losing their freaking minds over this?

Because it's yet another example of an evil UNION of low-wage workers single-handedly destroying a perfectly managed and well-run company, taking food out of the mouths of the noble Job Creators who labored day and night to build the company with their bare hands, only to see it ruthlessly crushed by an evil UNION and their greedy socialist demands for commie crap like pay and benefits. UNIONS ARE BAD!!!!1

Or, it's about a union that would rather see a business fail completely than struggle along. If the workers there wanted to leave a sinking business (or could have) then they would...the union decided for them to put the business down, and put all the workers out of work just to prove a point. fark them.


Or, it could be that the business in question has been failing since before 2000 due to poor investiments, equity firms saddling it with additional debt with each sell-off, and poor business practice, has been through MULTIPLE bankruptcies and sell offs, and the investors in question wanted to abandon ship while shirking their social responsibilities, without the bad press that typically accompanies failing businesses farking over their employees. The Union just provided a conveinent scapegoat for this.

Don't get me wrong. I think the Unions are complete douchebags at times. But in this instance, they're the scapegoat for a failing company bailing before the rats drown.
 
2012-11-20 10:06:38 AM

ox45tallboy: I think that Canadians actually enjoy how silly we Americans look sometimes.


You think?

But seriously, is there anybody who enjoys mocking Dumb Yankees more than other Americans?
The English-speaking peoples rejoice in their dumbness and eccentricty. What would be a matter for shame in some countries is a matter of national pride and joy for us.

And that's not counting the Yiddish brand of self-deprecation, which has had a tremendous cultural influence whereever large Jewish populations assemble to do business or escape persecution.

But Canadians do love laughing at Americans heartily. For example, shows about Dumb White American families, such as The Simpsons and Married With Children are extra-popular with Canadians, and for some reason, African Americans.

Shows like The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien know that their Canadian audiences are large, loyal, good-natured and hungry for Canadian references, so they play to us (even Colbert's claim that Windsor may be the arse-hole of North America is part of this game--it's not the first time Colbert has had a friendly run-in with a Canadian town). Wait, that doesn't sound right.

Canadians are insider-outsiders. We get a slightly different, outsider's view of American media and culture while being immersed in it to the point of often knowing it better than our own. Thus we are well placed to play the class clown or be stand-up comedians. In addition to comedians, we produce a lot of con-artists and mimics--people who can play Americans with uncanny skill.

Hence the importance of America's Sweetheart (Mary Pickford), America's Starship Captain (William Shatner) and America's Cowboy (Lorne Green). We have also produced America's Indian Chief (Chief Dan George) and America's President (Barrack H. Obama). Wait, forget that last one.
 
2012-11-20 10:10:31 AM

Carn: Generation_D: More canadian contraband.

[a248.e.akamai.net image 251x354]

[a248.e.akamai.net image 177x249] 

I've said too much...

Ok, I would try some dill pickle chips, BUT KETCHUP CHIPS IS WHERE WE DRAW THE LINE!


they are, quite honestly, horrible. Like someone spilled too much red flavor on BBQ chips.

The wife thinks they're great.
 
2012-11-20 10:14:19 AM
I love it!

Step 1: "Hey, let's go on strike!"
Step 2: *bankrupt*
Step 3: "Hey, let's file for unemployment!"
 
2012-11-20 10:14:22 AM

brantgoose: Hence the importance of America's Sweetheart (Mary Pickford), America's Starship Captain (William Shatner) and America's Cowboy (Lorne Green). We have also produced America's Indian Chief (Chief Dan George) and America's President (Barrack H. Obama). Wait, forget that last one.


I did not know Mary Pickford was Canuckistanian.... (checks wikipedia) Color me shocked!

Thanks for Shatner, et al. But you can have Celine Dion back. No, really. Please.
 
2012-11-20 10:14:24 AM

Generation_D: More canadian contraband.

[a248.e.akamai.net image 251x354]

[a248.e.akamai.net image 177x249] 

I've said too much...


We have three stores in St. Louis which sell both of these, eh. The dill pickle ones are okay. The ketchup ones taste like barbecue without the "zing."
 
2012-11-20 10:19:38 AM

Generation_D: Carn: Generation_D: More canadian contraband.

[a248.e.akamai.net image 251x354]

[a248.e.akamai.net image 177x249] 

I've said too much...

Ok, I would try some dill pickle chips, BUT KETCHUP CHIPS IS WHERE WE DRAW THE LINE!

they are, quite honestly, horrible. Like someone spilled too much red flavor on BBQ chips.

The wife thinks they're great.


blech. "shiatty Beatles, they any good?"
 
2012-11-20 10:25:37 AM

ox45tallboy: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Well, there goes another goddamned retirement plan

No, I would think there is going to be a huge market in smuggling Twinkies across the border.


I'm sure that if the products and brands are not back in circulation soon, there will be a Prohibition Era sized smuggling operation to give the American people what they want and can't have.

But that's not the half of it. Americans and Canadians will be smuggling dangerous Kinder Toys into America hidden in hollowed out loaves of Wonder Bread. The White Stuff ini Twinkies will be sucked out and replaced with cocaine. Twinkies will be pushed up the rectums of illegal Mexican immigrants as a condition of crossing the border through Indian reserves (reservations) (the good news is they can survive anything as long as the packaging is not damaged, so being up a Mexican bum will not harm them--you can hose them down with a high power hose and hang them to dry on a clothsline and they'll be as good as new).

Americans have never been shy about smuggling. It's a victimless crime except for the taxpayers, of course, and every American believes the taxpayers get what they deserve as long as they're not among them.

That's one of the main reasons for the American Revolution: the British did not allow the Colonies to trade with the Enemy (France, Spain, etc.). In fact, all trade for finished goods or luxuries had to be through the Metropolis, and the Americans had to sell their tobacco and other obnoxious exports (dried fish, whale oil, knotty pine) to the British so they could sell it on to the Europeans. Americans resented the role of British merchants in the colonies (in the South, for example, they controlled the tobacco and later the cotton trade) and in playing the middle man with the rest of the world. So they were happy to foreswear their oaths of allegeance to God, King and Country in favour of the Almighty Spanish Dollar.

You damn right there'll be smuggling.

Just wait until Republicans realize they can show their defiance of the Obamacracy by eating Twinkies. People who wouldn't touch a Moon Pie with a ten metre pole will snarf down Twinkies and Ding Dongs just to stick it to the Black Man.

And remember, you are what you eat, so a lot of Republicans already by Twinkies and Ding Dongs by the crate, not to mention White Bread and fake mayonaise* to make pastrami sandwiches.

*I'm not saying it is Cool Whip(TM), but it is Cool Whip(TM) or else they would call it by its proper name.

There's not much I agree with Southerners on, but that one thing is Hellman's Real Mayonnaise. Hellman's or fight. Or better yet, real French mayonnaise made by hand, but I'm too lazy to do that and I don't use a lot of mayo, so I waste a lot even if I buy the tiny expensive bottles of HRM.
 
2012-11-20 10:27:49 AM
Between this and Viagra becoming generic in Canada Link expect border crossings to become a major traffic jam.
 
2012-11-20 10:31:48 AM
OMG! Perceived scarcity!

/chumps
 
2012-11-20 10:50:15 AM

SmackLT: God Is My Co-Pirate: ox45tallboy: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Well, there goes another goddamned retirement plan

No, I would think there is going to be a huge market in smuggling Twinkies across the border.

Pretty soon the Kinderegg gangs will take over. It's a gateway snack.

I totally want a business card that says "Twinkie smuggler" on it, but I'm too terrified it has some double meaning in the gay community.


Cool idea, bro. But you are right. There is no way any phrase containing the word "Twinkie" can NOT have a double meaning. In fact, it is hard to talk to Queens because EVERY word has a double entendre in it, if you are determined enough to be lewd at all times.

If I understand gay American argot, a "Twinkie smuggler" would be a passive male who prefers to be be laid by Twinkies--for example, the coach of the high school football team who lusts after the captain of the high school football team (well, the whole team, most likely).

In other words, a male cougar.

This is a recognized sub-group of sugar daddies and Johns. It must be an ancient proclivity because the Ancient Romans and Greeks were up to their tits in Twinkie smugglers if the satires of Martial and Juvenal are to be believed, and the graffiti on the walls of Pompei and Rome suggest that they are. The word pederaste meant a Twinkie Smuggler before it had anything to do with children of both sexes.

Teenage boys and Twinkie Smugglers have one thing in common: they are absolutely insatiable. They are best left to their own devices, which is apparently not all that hard to do, because they are envied, feared and despised by much of the rest of the alternative sex communities as loose cannons on the deck. Remember the old maxim: a slut is anybody getting more than you are. These guys are often Uber-sluts or else totally gormless.

The pursuit of Twinkies by Twinkie Smugglers might have been described by Oscar Wilde as he described fox hunting: the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable.

And that is all that anybody needs to know about that.
 
2012-11-20 10:53:53 AM

towatchoverme: Hehe. Twinkie smuggler.


They already have them. They make three runs a week between Mexico City and San Fransisco.
 
2012-11-20 11:06:05 AM

Loaf's Tray: I find the fact that they refer to the US as "South of the Border" to be humbling, somehow...


Or as Bobby Vinton used to croon:

South of the border, down Michigan way.
That's where I fell in love where stars above, came out to play.
And now as I wonder, my thoughts ever stray.
South of the border, down Michigan way.

She was a picture, in Old Michigan ways.
Just for a tender while I kissed the smile, upon her face.
For it was Black Friday, and love had it's day.
South of the border, down Michigan way.

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay (Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay)
Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay (Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay)


But isn't it cool to think that for some people, the Deep South means Pennsylvania?

For one thing, it means that highway cops in Maine get to play Southern Sheriff, strolling to a Quebequer's Hundai like a man who has spent too much time on horseback or who is wearing his daughter's stove pipe leg, short arse jeans.

Ma'am are you aware you were going 300 kilometers per hour in an 80 kilometer per hour zone?

Quaint how the Southerners try to adapt to our ways by putting kilometers on their highway signs. (Note: they really do. They figure that Canadians speed because they can't read signs posted in miles. Ha! Ha! So cute! So naive!)

Quebecois don't speed because they can't tell kilometers from mile. They speed because they are French and believe that they are in control of the car as long as the brakes still work.

Next song up: She's a Maniac.
 
2012-11-20 11:16:48 AM

Danger Mouse: Over the past few days no one, NO ONE has mentioned any sadness over losing Snoballs...where's the love for Sno Balls?


I'm wearing a black armband that's been rolled in pink coconut. The knock-off Snoballs are inferior in every way...
 
2012-11-20 11:21:42 AM

Loaf's Tray: I find the fact that they refer to the US as "South of the Border" to be humbling, somehow...


you are our Mexico.
 
2012-11-20 11:27:55 AM

brantgoose: Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay (Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay)
Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay (Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay)


Indeed.
 
2012-11-20 11:31:34 AM

Bullseyed: AverageAmericanGuy: ElBarto79: ox45tallboy: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Well, there goes another goddamned retirement plan

No, I would think there is going to be a huge market in smuggling Twinkies across the border.

I didn't realize twinkies were contraband. Canadians sell a lot of maple syrup here completely legally, wouldn't the same be true for baked goods?

The maple syrup is Canadian branded or rebranded and sold in the US. But Twinkies are branded in the US already, so selling Canadian ones here would be a violation of that brand.

That and it's a dairy product. You can't bring dairy into the country without permits and all that.


Twinkie Ingredients:
Enriched wheat flour, sugar, corn syrup, niacin, water, high fructose corn syrup, vegetable and/or animal shortening - containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed and canola oil, and beef fat, dextrose, whole eggs, modified corn starch, cellulose gum, whey, leavenings (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate), salt, cornstarch, corn flour, corn syrup, solids, mono and diglycerides, soy lecithin, polysorbate 60, dextrin, calcium caseinate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, wheat gluten, calcium sulphate, natural and artificial flavors, caramel color, yellow No. 5, red #40.[10]

no dairy. not even milk solids, whatever that means.
 
2012-11-20 11:33:57 AM

Danger Mouse: Deep Contact: I can see strip searches starting at the border looking for hidden twinkies.

Where the hell could someone hide a twinkie?


In their HoHo.
 
2012-11-20 11:57:47 AM

alltim: Loaf's Tray: I find the fact that they refer to the US as "South of the Border" to be humbling, somehow...

you are our Mexico.


¡AY CHIHUAHUA!
 
2012-11-20 12:01:26 PM

Danger Mouse: Deep Contact: I can see strip searches starting at the border looking for hidden twinkies.

Where the hell could someone hide a twinkie?


upload.wikimedia.org

As long as there's a steady paycheck in it, he'll hide anything you say...
 
2012-11-20 12:10:33 PM

Deep Contact: Danger Mouse: Deep Contact: I can see strip searches starting at the border looking for hidden twinkies.

Where the hell could someone hide a twinkie?

In their HoHo.


Hahahahahahaha! Winnar!!!
 
Displayed 50 of 120 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report