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(Slate)   "I curse all the f*cking time. Can I stop cursing all the goddamned time before my son-of-a-biatching baby is born?"   (slate.com) divider line 176
    More: Silly, developmental psychologies  
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8399 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Nov 2012 at 3:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-19 08:22:12 PM
Well, my solution is to use substitutions: 1) Fark instead of f*ck. 2) Gorram instead of G*d d*mn. 3) Olive pit instead of holy sh*t. Also Bunt, Litch, Aspbunch and Darbra Spypan. :P
 
2012-11-19 08:23:08 PM

jaedreth: Well, my solution is to use substitutions: 1) Fark instead of f*ck. 2) Gorram instead of G*d d*mn. 3) Olive pit instead of holy sh*t. Also Bunt, Litch, Aspbunch and Darbra Spypan. :P

Gorram it.


*)
 
2012-11-19 08:24:51 PM
My older brother's (the first child) first sentence was "God damn son of a bi*ch" to an elderly lady who commented on how sweet of a boy he was. It was my father's favourite phrase.

My brother grew up to be quite successful though, so it's alright.

I got my mouth washed out with soap so many times as a child that I would put a drop of liquid soap in my mouth at random while in front of my parents to be like "yo, dis do no' bothaar maey."


/CstoriesB
 
2012-11-19 09:34:26 PM
Its not the words, its the intent.
 
2012-11-19 09:46:06 PM
"What is the complaint of a VERY pregnant Lisa Lampanelli, Alex?"

/flees thread
 
2012-11-19 09:48:38 PM
my dad never refrained from swearing around me or my brothers, at least not that i can remember. he swears a lot, especially when he's angry, and my dad is one of those people who is inexplicably always angry at something. but i knew that i wasn't allowed to say swear words around my parents or i'd get in trouble, so i just learned to censor myself around them. as an adult myself now, i do swear a lot, but i have no problem censoring myself in mixed company. i just know how to turn it off.

dumb story: i rarely swore in high school because i didn't want teachers hearing me. i was kind of a nerdy kid and was usually on my best behavior in school. so one time this dirtbag kid in the lunch room corners a religious kid and starts teasing him because the religious kid won't swear at all. he's like "say the word shiat, say the work fark, etc" and the religious kid refuses and gets all awkward about it. so then the dirtbag turns to me and pulls the same thing, expecting a similar result. but i threw back every swear word he could think of, and he (and my other friends) were shocked to hear me swear that way.
 
2012-11-19 09:49:14 PM

JohnBigBootay: Its not the words, its the intent.


To apostrophe.
 
2012-11-19 09:58:56 PM

ToxicMunkee: If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?


I think the baby will be more put off by the prospect of eating cheese and rice someday.

/Sounds like a sticky mess and probably a choking hazard.
 
2012-11-19 10:01:31 PM

Tarmangani: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x335]



First thing I thought of.
 
2012-11-19 10:08:53 PM

Badgers: ToxicMunkee: If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?

I think the baby will be more put off by the prospect of eating cheese and rice someday.

/Sounds like a sticky mess and probably a choking hazard.


Definitely Mexican food because the asians don't eat cheese.
 
2012-11-19 10:19:19 PM

4NTLRZ: Just read TFA by Jessica Grose (more like Gross!) and all I can say is, "Who the fark cares, you ugly-ass biatch! With a face that eerily resembles a cross between Mr. Ed & Shelly Duvall, you should consider yourself farking lucky you found ANYONE desperate enough to put a baby up in ya!"

Exhibit A
[horseandman.com image 235x300]

Exhibit B
[3.bp.blogspot.com image 673x402]

Exhibit C
[www.slate.com image 250x153] 

Just sayin'.


tomhendersonsblog.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-19 10:19:47 PM

Bumblefark: If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.


Holy shiat, I mean I intentionally give out bad advice in threads, but now I actually think it might be a good idea to teach a kid to swear just to make sure that don't turn into a stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick that says things like 'word salad' and makes weird superficial judgements on the fictional children of other people.

farking hilarious though. Without people who get their panties in a twist over words, there wouldn't be any point to them, so thank you Bumblefark.
 
2012-11-19 10:23:21 PM

Mija: moothemagiccow: WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.

They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?

Not true. Some people do not swear. It makes you sound like an uneducated redneck who lacks self control. Better to learn that young. Like it or not you will be judged by others. One wrong word can completely alter another persons view of you. Sure, maybe your child will learn to swear but do you really want to be the one who teaches him?


Horseshiat!
 
KIA
2012-11-19 10:40:37 PM
If people are going to curse (and I know they are!) then they at least ought to spend the time to learn to do it properly.

There was actually a journal back in the day called Maledicta - The International Journal of Verbal Aggression. It chronicled any number of ways to curse and abuse people in multiple languages and incredibly hysterical ways. Man, I miss that rag.

I gotta tell you, the Italians have some very inventive curses but the Texans are right behind them... so to speak.

You can find some of the quotes yourself with minimal searching. I've personally always enjoyed the Texan "The kid is too stupid to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel" but the best were completely unprintable here.
 
2012-11-19 10:45:56 PM
I accidentally taught my son his first swear word by calling all the teens skateboarding in traffic a bunch of dumbasses when we went for walks when he was still in his stroller. He was around 18 months old or so. He's almost ten now and he still calls skaters "dumbasses." CSS
 
2012-11-19 11:22:25 PM
First time I heard an adult curse(I don't know if dick qualifies as a curse)
My Uncle Joe says to my Pop" You'd lose your dick if it wasn't tied to ya"
 
2012-11-19 11:42:03 PM

W.C.fields forever: First time I heard an adult curse(I don't know if dick qualifies as a curse)
My Uncle Joe says to my Pop" You'd lose your dick if it wasn't tied to ya"


So if that's the first time you heard the word "dick" you could not possibly comprehend what this sentence meant, so I find it hard to believe you remember that whole sentence. But maybe when you heard that phrase you sought out the meaning of the word "dick" and it ended up being a major childhood impression.

So I guess you could be telling the truth, or you could be lying. And I could probably say that last sentence as a response to everything everybody ever says and never be wrong.
 
2012-11-19 11:50:30 PM

jaylectricity: W.C.fields forever: First time I heard an adult curse(I don't know if dick qualifies as a curse)
My Uncle Joe says to my Pop" You'd lose your dick if it wasn't tied to ya"

So if that's the first time you heard the word "dick" you could not possibly comprehend what this sentence meant, so I find it hard to believe you remember that whole sentence. But maybe when you heard that phrase you sought out the meaning of the word "dick" and it ended up being a major childhood impression.

So I guess you could be telling the truth, or you could be lying. And I could probably say that last sentence as a response to everything everybody ever says and never be wrong.


I remember I was picking my nose when I was like 8.Uncle Joe said I needed a drivers' license
to pick my nose.I don't know,20 yrs later? I was in traffic.saw some dude pickin' his nose..and
laughed..
//maybe im slow.
//I can't lie.to much work
 
2012-11-20 12:30:43 AM

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

Holy shiat, I mean I intentionally give out bad advice in threads, but now I actually think it might be a good idea to teach a kid to swear just to make sure that don't turn into a stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick that says things like 'word salad' and makes weird superficial judgements on the fictional children of other people.

farking hilarious though. Without people who get their panties in a twist over words, there wouldn't be any point to them, so thank you Bumblefark.


...and out comes the verbal crutches. "Stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick" ...no, really, keep randomly stringing profanities together, and I'm sure you arrive at something resembling a meaningful expression. I believe in you, champ.
 
2012-11-20 01:06:35 AM

serial arseonist: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark:

If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.

How is "You're mom..." any less of a word-salad than "Shut up..."? Seems a bit hypocritical.
Also, you have bum fark in your userid.

/periphery


The latter is just two well-worn phrases ("Shut up" and "son of a biatch") book-ending a couple of filler words (motherfarking, cocksucking) that don't denote much, and don't depend much on syntactical rules (i.e., you can use them pretty much anywhere in a sentence without changing the meaning).

"Your mom" answers the question in the preceding question, and the clause that follows it explains the answer.

Um, yeah...my username is "bumblef*rk". I suppose it has many of the same letters as "bum fark"...I'm really not sure what more to..um...

Alright then, good chat.
 
2012-11-20 11:07:17 AM

Bumblefark: ...and out comes the verbal crutches. "Stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick" ...no, really, keep randomly stringing profanities together, and I'm sure you arrive at something resembling a meaningful expression. I believe in you, champ


If you are suggesting I'm leaning on words in absence of an argument, I'm afraid I'd be merely a contender to your title and not the champion. Someday I'll be able to string together words without saying anything meaningful AND do it without using curse words just like you Bumblefark.
 
2012-11-20 12:25:47 PM
CSB time...

My first words were, and I quote "Son of a biatch."

Not "mama" or "dada", or any one syllable babble. I couldn't believe it myself, it's four words. My guess was it sounded more like "sonnabiatch", but I asked my grandmother and oldest sister who thought it was the funniest thing in in the world, and they said it was clear as day... "Son of a biatch".

Fast forward 20 years or so later, my sister had a bad habit of using "shiat" in front of her newborn... I warned her about it... his third word was "shiat".

I'm certain I'll hear people not believing me here, I didn't believe it myself. I verified after my sister told me by asking my Grandmother (and she never lied to me) and it was true. Apparently my dad had a bad habit of saying that word all of the time in front of me.
 
2012-11-20 01:26:11 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-20 04:27:33 PM

Tsar_Bomba1: SnyderCat: Umm...I curse like a Navy Seal....

So does Alison Krauss

/the more you know...


I wish I could sing like her, but I'm more Stevie Nicks....alcohol included LOL
 
2012-11-20 04:29:10 PM

KrispyKritter: had a boss that spent too many years working underground for NY Bell. when he became suit & tie branch manager for ITT-BCC in NJ the poor schlub just couldn't curb the mouth. he would drop the 'F' bomb in front of anyone anywhere twice in every sentence he uttered, all day long every day. spent the other half of his time apologizing profusely. nice guy, intelligent, handsome, well dressed, absolutely no filter. you could see he really didn't mean to offend anyone. what a trip.


--- ITT-BCC= International Telephone & Telegraph Business Communications Corporation, long defunct


Sounds absolutely like Keanu. Face of an angel, mouth of well...it needs to be washed out regularly.
 
2012-11-21 06:50:47 PM
Newsflash: Swear words are not only our first words, but they tend to be our best words ever. Film at eleven.
 
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