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(Slate)   "I curse all the f*cking time. Can I stop cursing all the goddamned time before my son-of-a-biatching baby is born?"   (slate.com) divider line 176
    More: Silly, developmental psychologies  
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8423 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Nov 2012 at 3:30 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-19 01:21:00 PM  
I used to curse like a stevedore before I had kids. I just stopped doing it in front of the kids. It's not f*cking hard.
 
2012-11-19 01:28:03 PM  
I use my and my wife's outbursts to teach our kids that mommy and daddy arnt perfect and they should shoot higher than being just like us.
 
2012-11-19 01:29:30 PM  
Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb. Stop acting like they can already speak your language before they're born. If you want to talk inflection, then does it still matter? If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?
 
2012-11-19 01:55:48 PM  
If somebody wanted to use the words "son-of-a-biatching" to describe me, I might not be too offended by that.
 
2012-11-19 01:58:26 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb. Stop acting like they can already speak your language before they're born. If you want to talk inflection, then does it still matter? If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?


Link

You are quite right.
 
2012-11-19 02:07:49 PM  
My wife was hanging with a bunch of grad students at CU and some of the people there (not my wife) were doing lines on the coffee table while someone's 2 year old daughter was playing on the floor. My wife told some one to "shut up" and the mother turns to her and says in a nasty tone, "Don't say 'shut up' in front of my kid!"
 
2012-11-19 02:12:19 PM  
i.ytimg.com

If I can't swear or smoke, I'm farked!
 
2012-11-19 02:56:08 PM  
i1079.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-19 03:06:35 PM  
www.marketingshift.com
 
2012-11-19 03:26:56 PM  
Yeah... STFU
 
2012-11-19 03:35:40 PM  
Work in air traffic control for a while. The threat of FCC fines will make you curb your lip in a hurry.
 
2012-11-19 03:36:12 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb.


Hell, they can't understand words the first year out of the womb as well (more like first 18 months).

Now, my three year old who repeated "asshole" when I cussed at somebody who cut me off, is another story.
 
2012-11-19 03:36:16 PM  
meh, don't worry about it... have a friend who is a CO and his wife is one of the most foul mouth people I have ever met...cute as a button but has a very perverse vocabulary. And they have two daughters that they never bothered to stop swearing around and the kids seem to know when and when not to use that language based on when their parents use it.
 
2012-11-19 03:36:57 PM  
Umm...I curse like a Navy Seal....
 
2012-11-19 03:37:38 PM  

Headso: meh, don't worry about it... have a friend who is a CO and his wife is one of the most foul mouth people I have ever met...cute as a button but has a very perverse vocabulary. And they have two daughters that they never bothered to stop swearing around and the kids seem to know when and when not to use that language based on when their parents use it.


Umm...have we met?
 
2012-11-19 03:37:40 PM  
"bullshiat, dad. bullshiat," the three year old told me yesterday when I asked the 13 year old to to quit doing something

we are a foul mouthed people here
 
2012-11-19 03:38:25 PM  

jaylectricity: If somebody wanted to use the words "son-of-a-biatching" to describe me, I might not be too offended by that.


Confused, yes. But hardly offended.

/ you ain't from around here, are ya boy?
 
2012-11-19 03:39:03 PM  
Im pretty good about not swearing in front of my nieces or nephew. There is a time to swear but if you jsut swear all the time it takes the effect of the word away and just makes you sound dumb.
 
2012-11-19 03:40:47 PM  

Fo Shiz: My wife was hanging with a bunch of grad students at CU and some of the people there (not my wife) were doing lines on the coffee table while someone's 2 year old daughter was playing on the floor. My wife told some one to "shut up" and the mother turns to her and says in a nasty tone, "Don't say 'shut up' in front of my kid!"


Huh. That's the point at which I let loose a random string of sons of coont-whore-cockmongering-biatchtits-farkyous.
 
2012-11-19 03:40:52 PM  

CitizenTed: [i.ytimg.com image 480x360]

If I can't swear or smoke, I'm farked!


Person: Could you please not swear so much?
Ricky: What the fark are you talking about?

Thanks for saving me the effort. Now I just need to post another great king of swearing.

metro.typepad.com
 
2012-11-19 03:41:28 PM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

MAKE THAT biatch YOUR biatch, YOU BASTARD!
 
2012-11-19 03:41:46 PM  
cutelypoisoned.files.wordpress.com

GTFO!
 
2012-11-19 03:42:37 PM  

wildcardjack: Work in air traffic control for a while. The threat of FCC fines will make you curb your lip in a hurry.


The FCC has a swear jar?
 
2012-11-19 03:42:39 PM  
When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.
 
2012-11-19 03:42:48 PM  
i171.photobucket.com

Motherfarking college fund!
 
2012-11-19 03:43:21 PM  
Before the baby is born: not a big deal. After the baby is born: still not a big deal. Baby hits 12-18 months-ish: Time to stop.
Baby hits 2 years old: foul mouthed child
 
2012-11-19 03:43:37 PM  
There are many good reasons to not utter imprecations and oaths. The best is that to do so fronts powerlessness.
 
2012-11-19 03:45:00 PM  
The powerful seek a moderation in language. They search for terms such as 'liquidate.'
 
2012-11-19 03:45:18 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb. Stop acting like they can already speak your language before they're born. If you want to talk inflection, then does it still matter? If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?


Well, that was covered quickly.
 
2012-11-19 03:45:51 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I used to curse like a stevedore before I had kids. I just stopped doing it in front of the kids. It's not f*cking hard.


I agree.

I swear like the proverbial sailor at work.

I do not swear at all in front of the kids. Ever.

I let the occasional profanity slip out when talking with the wife - I never swear *at* her, it's always about something else.

You have to set the mental boundary to filter out the cussing at home. I did not find it difficult. Your results may vary.
 
2012-11-19 03:46:20 PM  

WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.


They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?
 
2012-11-19 03:46:21 PM  
Not sure why this is a deal. I'm not going to stop swearing in front of my kids (farking appliances sometimes don't farking work), nor do I care if someone uses curse words around children, as long as the kids aren't being verbally abused with it. The offensiveness is entirely arbitrary.

Will still train the Inchoatelets in the rudiments of politeness, so they don't sabotage their chances with some atavistic authority figure by dropping some F-bombs.
 
2012-11-19 03:46:47 PM  

WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.


Mine did much the same thing at roughly the same age. Very Italian, just a simple "Faaark" with arms spread. Tried to ignore it (because attention makes it worse right?). After 3 weeks I said "Okay that's a bad word. Yes I know I say it a lot, but we can both try not to say it, alright?"

Now he's pretty good with not saying bad words, but I still swear all the time. Gotta work on that...
 
2012-11-19 03:47:29 PM  
I really learned to put a lid on my cursing after the first time my two-year-old threw the F-word back at me.
 
2012-11-19 03:47:48 PM  
I was at breakfast with my uncle the other day. When he's with his wife (who is also my aunt, what are the odds on that) or around his grandchildren he never curses. A young couple with 3 kids sat down directly behind me and he proceeds to tell a story and quote somebody that said "bullshiat", and he made sure to emphasize the "shiat" part so it seemed to echo across the restaurant. Everything got really quiet and I could feel the daggers being stared, but they had the class and presence of mind to not make a big deal out of it.

I don't really have a point, except that my uncle is a trip who has no sense of decency if his wife isn't there to tell him what's what. Old men are funny like that.

He also gave me his farking cold, god dammit. And now everybody is like "Oh you should take x!". I don't want to take x, fark off!

/Here x is a variable
//People aren't telling me to take X
///Though that might not be a bad way to get through a cold
 
2012-11-19 03:48:23 PM  
Your mom's Tourette's gets really nasty when she orgasms.
 
2012-11-19 03:48:52 PM  
A friend of mine just recently told a story how she was staying with family and then had to go straight to a business trip; she and her husband were sleeping in the same room as their daughter. The alarm clock goes off and the toddler promptly sits up in bed, rubs her eyes and goes "oh, shiat." My friend looked at her husband and said "well, guess it's time to start watching the mouth."

We all got a good laugh out of it, however. I would have paid money to have heard that.
 
2012-11-19 03:49:35 PM  
The Onion has dealt with this issue. Their conclusion was that the birth date is not the relevant date on which to focus.

Link
 
2012-11-19 03:52:19 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I used to curse like a stevedore before I had kids. I just stopped doing it in front of the kids. It's not f*cking hard.


I've found it much harder than I expected, actually.

Goddamn!

/Fortunately, my 7-year-old daughter, rather than copy my profanity, much prefers to chastise me for using it.
 
2012-11-19 03:52:47 PM  
A friends daughters first word was "f*ck".

Why yes, she did have a child outside of marriage 17 years later and gets no support from the pizza-guy father.
 
2012-11-19 03:54:11 PM  
I was chattering away with my Finnish friends one day after getting myself a snootful for some celebratory or infuriating reason and one of them asked me "Are you drunk? You're cussing almost like a Finn."

I was inordinately proud of myself for the rest of the week.
 
2012-11-19 03:55:13 PM  
 
2012-11-19 03:55:55 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb. Stop acting like they can already speak your language before they're born. If you want to talk inflection, then does it still matter? If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?


Correct. However if you don't want your kid to swear in inappropriate situations, it's best to keep from saying these words yourself.

Besides, one of the pleasures of childhood is learning forbidden words. Spoiling your kids with swears is like giving them cheat codes to their games. Let them learn them for themselves!
 
2012-11-19 03:57:22 PM  

Rye_: I really learned to put a lid on my cursing after the first time my two-year-old threw the F-word back at me.


Isn't this closing the barn door after the horse has bolted?
 
2012-11-19 03:57:53 PM  

signaljammer: There are many good reasons to not utter imprecations and oaths. The best is that to do so fronts powerlessness.


Shut the f*ck up, signaljammer...
 
2012-11-19 03:59:08 PM  

blatz514: reverse swear jar


another thing on youtube that's self-censored for no good reason
 
2012-11-19 04:00:14 PM  

fruitloop: [i171.photobucket.com image 512x260]

Motherfarking college fund!


Grad school, medical school, and a few years at MIT too!
 
2012-11-19 04:01:07 PM  
todaysmama.com
 
2012-11-19 04:01:48 PM  

SnyderCat: Umm...I curse like a Navy Seal....


Do you do one handed push ups whilst telling people to "suck my dick"?

www.thedorkreport.com
 
2012-11-19 04:03:31 PM  
Being a teacher is another great way to either curb your cursing or find benign ways to getting your point across. I became fond of the phrase "son of a monkey" when I needed something expletive-y. One 18 month-old may not catch a swear you say accidentally. Thirty-five 15 year-olds most certainly will, and "but they say far worse to each other in the hallway" is not a valid excuse when a snowflake's mother complains to the principal about your language (or so I hear...).
 
2012-11-19 04:04:33 PM  
You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.
 
2012-11-19 04:06:44 PM  
A friend of mine swore like a sailor but when her daughter was born she wanted to try and stop, but she couldnt for whatever reason. So instead she just took to swearing in german. That way if her daughter repeted it most people wouldnt know what she said.
 
2012-11-19 04:09:03 PM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2012-11-19 04:09:07 PM  
I'm from a long line of cursers. My father was the most amazing curser I've ever known. He could string together cuss words in amazing combinations. I'm not even in his league.

When my kids were young and impressionable I watched my mouth. Nothing worse than your two year old screaming "F*CK" at the top of his lungs in the grocery store. Now that my kids are grown, they chuckle in amusement when I go into a good cuss rant.
 
2012-11-19 04:09:41 PM  

Campanula: Being a teacher is another great way to either curb your cursing or find benign ways to getting your point across. I became fond of the phrase "son of a monkey" when I needed something expletive-y. One 18 month-old may not catch a swear you say accidentally. Thirty-five 15 year-olds most certainly will, and "but they say far worse to each other in the hallway" is not a valid excuse when a snowflake's mother complains to the principal about your language (or so I hear...).


Come to our seance; the spirit of Howard Cosell would like a word with you.
 
2012-11-19 04:12:23 PM  

SnyderCat: Umm...I curse like a Navy Seal....


So does Alison Krauss

/the more you know...
 
2012-11-19 04:16:46 PM  
I used to worry about swearing in front of my daughter, but then I just said fark it. I gotta be me.

Naturally, she swears a lot now. But she's a little 5'1" college girl, sweet and studious personality, with a baby-ish face. So when she swears, it's sorta cute, disarming and earthy. Not slutty and cringe-inducing, like if she was a tattooed smoking bar-skank.

/miss her a lot
//coming home in 48 hours
 
2012-11-19 04:17:24 PM  
No, darling, you can't stop. You are doomed to be the mother of a foul-mouthed brat that swears like a teamster with Tourette's Syndrome (although I must point out that Tourettes sufferers don't necessary swear a lot--it's mostly tics and a problem with authority figures which gets them in trouble, or possibly shot. Only some Tourettte's sufferers swear. Some of them do a pirouette when passing through doorways, or have other tics of a more or less alarming nature).

So what can you do? Well, tell yourself it is futile to try to stop swearing. Your other children will only teach the baby to swear when it is three any way, so your respite will be brief.

But you don't have to resign yourself. Here are several things you can do:

1. Babble. Yes, talk utter nonsense when you are not swearing. The baby will copy you and then, when it comes out with one of the words you still can't say on TV, it will have a real effect.

2. Act surprised and paranoid. Who taught the baby that word? Look around suspiciously. Make other people feel they have to defend themselves. The best defence is a good offence.

3. Teach the baby some real swear words. I don't mean obscenities, but words that will totally surprise the Vicar. Swearing in Ancient Sumerian will do that, even if the Vicar is pig-ignorant.

4. Teach the baby to swear in foreign languages. If you know one yourself, it helps to swear in that language. For example, the French swear in English while the silly English just say "pardon my French". Who do you suppose gets on better? The French, of course! Nobody cares if you swear in English. It doesn't count. People may feel the same way about swearing in Russian or Yiddish. Use your gift for words.

5. Teach your baby WHEN to swear and you don't have to worry about HOW it swears. You can have fun with this. Teach the baby that swear words are a condiment to be used sparingly, not ketchup.

6. Learn to ignore everything your child says and does. This is the nearly universal solution to bad behaviour before the age of 16, or the child's first child of its own, whichever comes first.

7. When your child misbehaves, tell it that you hope it gets children just like it when it grows up. But remember, YOU WILL BE THE BABYSITTER. A Mother's Curse often backfires like that. So think of that when you swear and maybe you'll find the strength to stop swearing so, er, obviously.

8. Make up your own swearwords. The sillier the better. Let somebody else beat the Devil out of your little monster.

9. And when all else fails, don't worry. There's a good chance that you will stop swearing in front of the child by the time it learns to speak. Failure is a great motivator. Also, you will probably be too tired to swear by then.
 
2012-11-19 04:22:07 PM  
Learning to swear is just as important as learning not to swear...

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-19 04:23:01 PM  
fark that shiat
 
2012-11-19 04:24:57 PM  

Madame Psychosis: Learning to swear is just as important as learning not to swear...

www.scifi-movies.com

 
2012-11-19 04:26:48 PM  

Madame Psychosis: Learning to swear is just as important as learning not to swear...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 617x424]


what is that from? I just saw that recently but can't place it
 
kab
2012-11-19 04:29:09 PM  
Look. Your kid will be doing it soon enough, even if you absolutely never swear in front of him. Feigned outrage at it accomplishes nothing, and makes adults look dumb.

"can ya farkin' believe she said that on tv?"
 
2012-11-19 04:30:17 PM  
Try expanding your vocabulary you miserable hag.
 
2012-11-19 04:30:39 PM  
A well timed swear word can be devastating. If you run around cursing like a sailor, you just sound like a douche.

If you swear in front of your young children, fark you. You're part of the problem.
 
2012-11-19 04:31:07 PM  
Last year during a family vacation pre-Christmas at my brothers house, my mother decided that she didn't like any swearing by anyone (we were all over thirty years old at the time) so she told us all to stop. None of us were using fark or anything too explative but she didn't like it anyway. Two minutes after her speech telling us not to swear she used a word she specifically told us not to. We pointed this out to her and what resulted was a long series of expletives, yelling and screaming from her. This went on for a half an hour and she threatened to leave and go back home because everyone was against her and also she blamed all of her swearing on other people. She is hypocritical because swears more and more loudly than a battle ship of sailors, but swear in front of her and somehow you are doing it to offend just her. I've also been admonished by her for using swear alternatives like using freaking, instead of farking
 
2012-11-19 04:32:03 PM  

Headso: Madame Psychosis: Learning to swear is just as important as learning not to swear...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 617x424]

what is that from? I just saw that recently but can't place it


Paul.
 
2012-11-19 04:34:20 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: I used to worry about swearing in front of my daughter, but then I just said fark it. I gotta be me...


You had me at 5'1" college girl.


/Sorry.
 
2012-11-19 04:36:05 PM  
had a boss that spent too many years working underground for NY Bell. when he became suit & tie branch manager for ITT-BCC in NJ the poor schlub just couldn't curb the mouth. he would drop the 'F' bomb in front of anyone anywhere twice in every sentence he uttered, all day long every day. spent the other half of his time apologizing profusely. nice guy, intelligent, handsome, well dressed, absolutely no filter. you could see he really didn't mean to offend anyone. what a trip.


--- ITT-BCC= International Telephone & Telegraph Business Communications Corporation, long defunct
 
2012-11-19 04:36:08 PM  

Headso: Madame Psychosis: Learning to swear is just as important as learning not to swear...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 617x424]

what is that from? I just saw that recently but can't place it


It's from the movie Paul
She gets to try out swearing for the first time in her life and comes up with such gems as "F*ckeroo, that was the best titty-farting sleep I have ever had."
 
2012-11-19 04:36:54 PM  

CitizenTed: [i.ytimg.com image 480x360]

If I can't swear or smoke, I'm farked!


Came for this, leaving sassifyed.
 
2012-11-19 04:40:47 PM  
most people have 2 languages, one for adults and one for kids
you haven't been around a lot of kids or you would have it
but if you slip tell the kids they can use the word if they know the meaning
by that time they probably are using the words anyway
 
2012-11-19 04:42:30 PM  
Why swear in front of the kids? That's what co-workers are for!
 
2012-11-19 04:42:48 PM  

BadAdviceGuy: You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.


Fitting handle.
 
2012-11-19 04:45:52 PM  
Most important rule of parenting a small child: Don't laugh at or reinforce a behavior unless you want to see it done again hundred times.

A good parent cares a little bit about what other people think, but not too much. Does that mean you shouldn't swear in front of your kids or laugh when they swear? Nah. If that's their biggest behavior problem, they'll be fine, and the profanity thing is purely personal choice (our house is no profanity but it's not a priority either). But a small child who swears like a sailor, bites the other kids, tortures the cat and knows how to roll a joint... that's a kid you should probably start a bail money fund for instead of the college fund.
 
2012-11-19 04:47:07 PM  
 
2012-11-19 04:48:09 PM  

brantgoose: No, darling, you can't stop. You are doomed to be the mother of a foul-mouthed brat that swears like a teamster with Tourette's Syndrome (although I must point out that Tourettes sufferers don't necessary swear a lot--it's mostly tics and a problem with authority figures which gets them in trouble, or possibly shot. Only some Tourettte's sufferers swear. Some of them do a pirouette when passing through doorways, or have other tics of a more or less alarming nature).


s12.postimage.org

Like this?
 
2012-11-19 04:52:28 PM  

wildcardjack: Work in air traffic control for a while. The threat of FCC fines will make you curb your lip in a hurry.


www.mastermousepatrol.com
 
2012-11-19 04:53:10 PM  
Hell, do what my wife and I did. Before our daughter was born, we had the same worry since we both could swear enough to set the house on fire. We set up a swear jar with the difference being that a swear cost $20. We learned to watch our language pretty farking fast, because we started to go broke pretty farking fast.
/that motherfarking jar had enough to go on vacation with in about two weeks
//about as long as it took for us to learn to watch our language
 
2012-11-19 04:53:20 PM  
 
2012-11-19 04:54:00 PM  

Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.

Fitting handle.


One child says to another on the playground
"You're ugly, doodypants."
the other child responds
"Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch."

Which child would you rather be the parent of? All parents of the responsibility to make sure their children are well armed with the right vocabulary for the right situation. Anything less is bad parenting.
 
2012-11-19 04:54:53 PM  

signaljammer: There are many good reasons to not utter imprecations and oaths. The best is that to do so fronts powerlessness.


Why don't you ram it up your pim-hole, you fusking cloff prunker.
 
2012-11-19 04:56:06 PM  

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.

Fitting handle.

One child says to another on the playground
"You're ugly, doodypants."
the other child responds
"Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch."

Which child would you rather be the parent of? All parents of the responsibility to make sure their children are well armed with the right vocabulary for the right situation. Anything less is bad parenting.


fark yeah!
 
2012-11-19 04:56:19 PM  
So, do the opposite of this, then? (NSFOfficeDrones, PerfectlySafeForLongshoremen)
 
2012-11-19 04:57:46 PM  
I have one rule for swearing in front of kids; If you bring your kid into a bar, I'm not going to curb my language.
 
2012-11-19 04:57:53 PM  

yoursafewordisharder: Hell, do what my wife and I did. Before our daughter was born, we had the same worry since we both could swear enough to set the house on fire. We set up a swear jar with the difference being that a swear cost $20. We learned to watch our language pretty farking fast, because we started to go broke pretty farking fast.


How does this even work? If i needed a 10 for some lunch I'd just pilfer the swear jar, I'd need some kind of swear jar where all involved in the pact each had a key like the missiles on a nuclear sub...
 
2012-11-19 04:59:44 PM  

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.

Fitting handle.

One child says to another on the playground
"You're ugly, doodypants."
the other child responds
"Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch."

Which child would you rather be the parent of? All parents of the responsibility to make sure their children are well armed with the right vocabulary for the right situation. Anything less is bad parenting.


Reminds me of a neighborhood squabble we had with some racists from Arkansas. The kids were just awful and they were always running their mouth. One of them was a little boy, aged 7 or so. I was 10 or so. After listening run their mouth about whatever (repeating things their parents were saying) I finally said, "Chris...why don't you go fark your mama's pussy?"

I'd like to believe the neighborhood was glad I said it, but I'm sure they didn't want a little boy alluding to such an incestuous act.
 
2012-11-19 05:02:22 PM  
I remember a lawyer who used to pull the 1st Amendment card when others would get on his case about his crude language. He later marries and relocates to the Sierra Nevada Foothills. One day someone noticed he curbed his cussing and he explained that he had a daughter and didn't want her to use the f-bomb on guests.

/CF-ingStoryBro
 
2012-11-19 05:02:28 PM  
Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.
 
2012-11-19 05:05:06 PM  

jaylectricity: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.

Fitting handle.

One child says to another on the playground
"You're ugly, doodypants."
the other child responds
"Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch."

Which child would you rather be the parent of? All parents of the responsibility to make sure their children are well armed with the right vocabulary for the right situation. Anything less is bad parenting.


Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.


Doh...forgot the motherfarking quotey-thingies...
 
2012-11-19 05:06:45 PM  
Stephen Fry on the Joys of Swearing - YouTube  I'm going with NSFW for the motherfarking pansies.
 
2012-11-19 05:07:30 PM  

Bumblefark: Doh...forgot the motherfarking quotey-thingies...


It would be great if those farking existed.
 
2012-11-19 05:08:46 PM  
We pretty much cut it out but forgot "damnit". My daughter started saying it around 14 months all the time. When she did we would always be like "Diamond!? I don't see a diamond anywhere!?" But when she got stuck in her high hair and said "damnit" I did feel a little proud she used it in the right context lol.

/Diamondsomuch!
 
2012-11-19 05:14:37 PM  
Your diction is a matter of practice and habit. But that sounds like work so fark that.
 
2012-11-19 05:18:57 PM  
My parents have sworn around me my whole life. The first "swear incident" I had at school was reasoning that if you're allowed to say "hell" at church, I didn't see why you couldn't say it at school, and I said "What the hell?" at something when I was about seven. The teacher made me write a letter to my parents about how I said a bad word. It ended up being some tear-stained defensive letter along the lines of "I HEARD SOMEONE SAY IT ON TV AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN BLEEP IT AND THAT ISN'T A SWEAR." I think my mom almost laughed herself to death.
 
2012-11-19 05:19:24 PM  

ace in your face: We pretty much cut it out but forgot "damnit". My daughter started saying it around 14 months all the time. When she did we would always be like "Diamond!? I don't see a diamond anywhere!?" But when she got stuck in her high hair and said "damnit" I did feel a little proud she used it in the right context lol.

/Diamondsomuch!


Saw a cute little girl about 2 drop some of her toys in the library the other day. She stood with hands on hips looking down at them and said "oh shiat" - perfect context perfect tone, was absolutely beautiful :)
 
2012-11-19 05:19:28 PM  

moothemagiccow: WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.

They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?


It wasn't so much the language as the sad realization that if I don't watch how I act or behave in front of my children, there's a reasonable chance that they'll end up to be the same bitter, jaded, twisted asshole that I am. And that makes me sad.
 
2012-11-19 05:21:44 PM  

WhippingBoy: moothemagiccow: WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.

They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?

It wasn't so much the language as the sad realization that if I don't watch how I act or behave in front of my children, there's a reasonable chance that they'll end up to be the same bitter, jaded, twisted asshole that I am. And that makes me sad.


Keep them away from your parents. Problem solved!
 
2012-11-19 05:21:57 PM  
I don't watch my language around any kids, if the parents don't want their precious snowflakes to hear a fark, shiat, coont, or motherfarker then they should not bring them out in public. Oh and if they feel the need to try and correct my behavior, well I tell them in no uncertain terms that they and their useless coont droppings can go fark themselves and the biatch whore they were shiat from.
 
2012-11-19 05:22:56 PM  
I remember when my daughter was about 12 months and she accidentally shut herself in the kitchen. From outside I heard this little voice say "oh shiat". She said it in a very calm and contemplative way, just as you would if you accidentally locked yourself in somewhere you couldn't get out of by yourself.

We never really worried about swearing in front of her. I read that if you don't make a big fuss about swearing, they tend not to do it (being told its naughty encourages them, etc). Lo and behold, that actually seems to be true. Kids just don't seem to feel the need to swear really. I think if it ever was an issue all I would have said was something like "you shouldn't use words you don't understand" and I remember telling her she shouldn't say such-and-such in front of Granny (but that applies to all sorts of very mild language, my mother is a relic).

She's 16 now and still rarely swears, although she has obviously known how to swear like a trooper her whole life. I don't care really if I hear her describe someone as a c*nt (rare), although I pretend mock horror (lol). Actually she's very well behaved and well balanced.

Also remember one of my boyfriends teaching her to yell "fark off" and punch someone in the nuts if they tried to grab her in the street when she was 4 years old. She was ever so embarrassed about saying something so naughty and had to be drilled again and again to shout it as loud as possible. Funny to watch. My ex's rationale was that EVERYONE will stare if they hear a 4 year old swear like that, which is what he told her too.

In this day and age there really is no point being anal about kids knowing or using "rude" words, as long as they know when it is or isn't appropriate. I would rather she was able to defend herself from bullies at school than being a prim princess. And that is really what has happened - kids trip her in the hall, they get an earful. They don't do it again. Sorted.

So far she's not falling prey to peer pressure to do hard drugs and stuff like that, and she tells me what goes on at parties etc without needing to lie. Wants to be a lawyer.

Swearing? Who gives a fark.
 
2012-11-19 05:25:04 PM  
came here for this, so here :P
-------------
There are times when you get suckered in,
By drugs and alcohol and sex with women, mm'kay.
But it's when you do these things too much,
That you've become an addict and must get back in touch...

You can do it, it's all up to you, mm'kay,
With a little plan you can change your life today!
You don't have to spend your life addicted to smack,
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack,
Follow my plan and very soon you will say, it's easy m'kay!

Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole"!
Step 2: Instead of shiat say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold".
Step 3: With biatch drop the 't' because bich is Latin for generosity!
Step 4: Don't say fark anymore 'cause fark is the worst word that you can say, so just use the word mm'kay!
 
2012-11-19 05:26:44 PM  

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: You could stop cursing all the time, however there is absolutely no reason to. Language is language, and you should never intentionally limit the vocabulary of your child.

Fitting handle.

One child says to another on the playground
"You're ugly, doodypants."
the other child responds
"Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch."

Which child would you rather be the parent of? All parents of the responsibility to make sure their children are well armed with the right vocabulary for the right situation. Anything less is bad parenting.


Which one has the higher IQ, is better looking, and comes with a hot milf?
 
2012-11-19 05:27:08 PM  

moothemagiccow: WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.

They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?


Not true. Some people do not swear. It makes you sound like an uneducated redneck who lacks self control. Better to learn that young. Like it or not you will be judged by others. One wrong word can completely alter another persons view of you. Sure, maybe your child will learn to swear but do you really want to be the one who teaches him?
 
2012-11-19 05:29:36 PM  
Oooooh, special, magical words! Spooky ooky words that make you sound dumb, or offend people by referring to common bodily products and actions, or maybe give you cancer, or re-crucify the baby jesus all over again, or something equally silly and childish according to people who are all mighty and pure and good and moral and special.
Magic! Superstition! Oooooooooooooo!

Most languages have always had a space for exclamations and expletives of some kind. They are useful as both verbal filler and as a brief mental distraction in times of stress or pain (there was some study where people that cursed and yelled could keep their hands in a bucket of ice water longer than people that tried to keep silent). The words, and their meaning, change over time. The prohibition on using such words is usually a class/control thing--if you don't use those words then you're special and pure, but if you do you're terrible and low class. Never mind that in creating alternatives for those words (gosh, darn, shoot, heck, flip, and so on) you're still using those words. You're still invoking them and their meaning, so even uptight religious folks, with their gosh's and h-e-double-hockey-sticks are hurting jesus. Or whatever.

I think I'm going to teach my kids to think and act rationally, and to chose their words accordingly, and you can go fark yourself if you don't like it.

/Can't wait for that first call from a teacher.
//Little Timmy said what? I raised him better than that--he should have said "fark" instead of "shiat," it would have been more grammatically appropriate.
///Ooooooooooooooooo!
 
2012-11-19 05:32:24 PM  
Just read TFA by Jessica Grose (more like Gross!) and all I can say is, "Who the fark cares, you ugly-ass biatch! With a face that eerily resembles a cross between Mr. Ed & Shelly Duvall, you should consider yourself farking lucky you found ANYONE desperate enough to put a baby up in ya!"

Exhibit A
horseandman.com

Exhibit B
3.bp.blogspot.com

Exhibit C
www.slate.com 

Just sayin'.
 
2012-11-19 05:40:06 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Which one has the higher IQ, is better looking


I'm not telling, because I'm slightly worried about you molesting one of the fiction children in that example.
 
2012-11-19 05:42:15 PM  

Mija: moothemagiccow: WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.

They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?

Not true. Some people do not swear. It makes you sound like an uneducated redneck who lacks self control. Better to learn that young. Like it or not you will be judged by others. One wrong word can completely alter another persons view of you. Sure, maybe your child will learn to swear but do you really want to be the one who teaches him?


I'm looking forward to teaching my children to say "go fark yourself" to the kind of sanctimonious pricks that judge people on superficial, arbitrary shiat like this.
 
2012-11-19 05:43:39 PM  

Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.


The correct answer is that one of them said doodypants and should be severly beaten. Nobody who uses that term at any point in their life becomes an artful master of profanity later. If you want your child to when an insult fight, you've got to teach them to be a pro in profanity at an early age. Don't let your children bring a 'gosh darnit' to an F-bomb fight.
 
2012-11-19 05:46:18 PM  
Everyone in my family swears all the time, but my parents actually taught me from the young age when it was ok and when it was not.

/Remember's asking at what age i could swear when i wanted
//it was 13
///First thing I said on my 13th birthday was "god damn I'm farking glad I'm 13 now"
 
2012-11-19 05:47:02 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-19 05:47:43 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb.


I suspect she's more worried about being unable to break her regular vocabulary habits in the next year or so before the kid starts becoming verbal (6-18 months, iirc) than taking the "recognizes songs in the womb" shiat seriously.

I mean, I would argue that she should make an effort, but more for the purposes of avoiding casual invective than avoiding "curse words" or "profanity" as such. A kid cursing when he's actually upset isn't really a problem, but one that says things that are ostensibly indicators that they're upset when they aren't particularly has a bad habit that they're going to have more trouble breaking as a child than you are as an adult.

Plus, a kid casually using abusive language outside of its appropriate context is, to a teacher, a pretty big red flag with the word "ABUSED" on it in thirty-point font. So you're probably saving yourself some interaction with social services if you at least teach your kid to cut that shiat out unless they've just injured themselves or something, rather than casually using phrases like "cut that shiat out" in otherwise polite conversation.

//Learned to curse in the traditional fashion, by being a passenger in the car while my mother was driving. Her vocabulary goes 1500 miles northeast and down two income brackets every time her foot touches an accelerator.

//I have reported suspicions of abuse for middle-schoolers using abusive language casually, it's actually one of the things you're instructed to look for, as where they pick it up from often isn't quite so inoffensive. Obviously not the same for teenagers, they're farking teenagers and they curse because, like smoking, it's farking cool.
 
2012-11-19 05:48:39 PM  

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.

The correct answer is that one of them said doodypants and should be severly beaten. Nobody who uses that term at any point in their life becomes an artful master of profanity later. If you want your child to when an insult fight, you've got to teach them to be a pro in profanity at an early age. Don't let your children bring a 'gosh darnit' to an F-bomb fight.


Exactly. I found that the most powerful bully repellant in school, no matter what the age, was the phrase "go fark yourself." It's hard to have a good comeback for that one in general, and even more so when you're not expecting your victim to fight back.

/Pretty useful as an adult too.
 
2012-11-19 05:49:58 PM  
fark you pal.
 
2012-11-19 05:51:28 PM  
When I want to curse, but can't, I say "rats."

But I'm thinking "big farking rats, with balls this big and a dick this long."

/nothing is obscure, etc.
 
2012-11-19 05:51:48 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Dear everyone. Your baby can't understand words in the womb. Stop acting like they can already speak your language before they're born. If you want to talk inflection, then does it still matter? If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?


OH COME ON!!! didn't you watch twilight? You know it must be true if they say it's so there!
 
2012-11-19 05:52:12 PM  

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: When I want to curse, but can't, I say "rats."

But I'm thinking "big farking rats, with balls this big and a dick this long."

/nothing is obscure, etc.


Nice job, Little Billy.
 
2012-11-19 05:52:26 PM  
Can't believe I'm the Weeners this:

www.projections-movies.com
 
2012-11-19 05:53:35 PM  
I am not a parent, but sometimes I find their priorities a little skewed. Saying harmless words is grounds for punishment, children are taught that sex is dirty and wrong and are blocked from seeing it...

...but here ya go, little 9-year-old, it's your very own Call Of Duty game. Look at that guy's head being blown clean off, isn't that awesome?
 
2012-11-19 05:55:22 PM  

ckccfa: Exactly. I found that the most powerful bully repellant in school, no matter what the age, was the phrase "go fark yourself."


To be fair, if you have the irritated glare to back that one up without it ending in an actual physical fight, then "go away" will get you the exact same result. It's more about not giving a shiat than how you express not giving a shiat. Same with, say, adult office politics.
 
2012-11-19 05:55:28 PM  
www.cineoutsider.com
static.guim.co.uk
 
2012-11-19 05:58:47 PM  

blatz514: I have one rule for swearing in front of kids; If you bring your kid into a bar, I'm not going to curb my language.


Children do not belong in bars. If I see one, I'm going to swear more loudly and frequently, and the child will probably be the subject of my ranting.
 
2012-11-19 05:58:51 PM  

oxxymoron: A well timed swear word can be devastating. If you run around cursing like a sailor, you just sound like a douche.


This. I've heard groups of teenagers where every other word is "fark". It really highlights a lack of vocabulary.
 
2012-11-19 05:59:48 PM  

Dragonflew: I am not a parent, but sometimes I find their priorities a little skewed. Saying harmless words is grounds for punishment, children are taught that sex is dirty and wrong and are blocked from seeing it...

...but here ya go, little 9-year-old, it's your very own Call Of Duty game. Look at that guy's head being blown clean off, isn't that awesome?


It was rated M before they started posting minimum ages instead to get around parents being stupid, now it's usually marked 17.

Not that there aren't child-rated games that feature violence, but it's more on the order of cartoon violence than photorealistic (or some attempt at it, anyhow) violence. By the time most kids meet the age rec for Call of Duty they're over the age of consent in most states, i.e. they can legally have sex _earlier_.

More an issue with movies than video games, really, since video games tend to be played with friends while movies are still regarded as family activities.
 
2012-11-19 06:02:41 PM  
I had an old girlfriend accidently curse in front of my 6 year old niece.She dropped a knife and
said'oh shiat'.No harm ,the kid walked away.It was the 1st time I had heard her curse.So I whispered
in her ear "you suck my c0ck wit dat mouth?"
 
2012-11-19 06:06:35 PM  
Cursing is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfarker.
 
2012-11-19 06:07:23 PM  

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.

The correct answer is that one of them said doodypants and should be severly beaten. Nobody who uses that term at any point in their life becomes an artful master of profanity later. If you want your child to when an insult fight, you've got to teach them to be a pro in profanity at an early age. Don't let your children bring a 'gosh darnit' to an F-bomb fight.


If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.
 
2012-11-19 06:08:44 PM  

Jim_Callahan: ckccfa: Exactly. I found that the most powerful bully repellant in school, no matter what the age, was the phrase "go fark yourself."

To be fair, if you have the irritated glare to back that one up without it ending in an actual physical fight, then "go away" will get you the exact same result. It's more about not giving a shiat than how you express not giving a shiat. Same with, say, adult office politics.


Eh, I was dealing with snooty rich kids in high school, so I think the "fark" was a better repellant for them. Besides, then I didn't even have to turn my head to look at them.
 
2012-11-19 06:13:12 PM  

Parthenogenetic: I swear like the proverbial sailor at work.


The proverbial sailor? Which proverb refrences sailors?
 
2012-11-19 06:16:21 PM  

Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.

The correct answer is that one of them said doodypants and should be severly beaten. Nobody who uses that term at any point in their life becomes an artful master of profanity later. If you want your child to when an insult fight, you've got to teach them to be a pro in profanity at an early age. Don't let your children bring a 'gosh darnit' to an F-bomb fight.

If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.


That's odd--this foul-mouthed kid is getting a PhD in English from a top 30 university. (And I teach composition!) But who knows, maybe if I hadn't stunted my intellect by using silly magic words as interjections and exclamations I would be some kind of farking rocket surgeon or something.

/At a top 10 school!
 
2012-11-19 06:17:01 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: Parthenogenetic: I swear like the proverbial sailor at work.

The proverbial sailor? Which proverb refrences sailors?


"Loose lips sink ships"?
 
2012-11-19 06:17:48 PM  
Years ago, my kid in second grade was playing with a rubber band on his wrist. He pulled it too tight, and when it popped his wrist, he said "shiat.'' The girl sitting next to him immediately told the teacher he said, 'shut up.' At that point, my son corrected the girl, which caused the teacher to have the vapors. At the conference with the teacher, we calmly explained that epithets are most appropriate in times of stress, such as pain. After we told her we would only give a consequence for inappropriate language, she had another case of the vapors, so he moved to another class, with a more mature adult.

He still cusses when stuff hurts or surprises him, and so do the rest of us. No one has died from it, and teachers rarely argue with honor roll students.
 
2012-11-19 06:21:10 PM  
The farking farkers farking well farked. FARK!
 
2012-11-19 06:31:39 PM  

ckccfa: Sin_City_Superhero: Parthenogenetic: I swear like the proverbial sailor at work.

The proverbial sailor? Which proverb refrences sailors?

"Loose lips sink ships"?


mgnews.ru
 
2012-11-19 06:43:33 PM  

ckccfa: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.

The correct answer is that one of them said doodypants and should be severly beaten. Nobody who uses that term at any point in their life becomes an artful master of profanity later. If you want your child to when an insult fight, you've got to teach them to be a pro in profanity at an early age. Don't let your children bring a 'gosh darnit' to an F-bomb fight.

If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.

That's odd--this foul-mouthed kid is getting a PhD in English from a top 30 university. (And I teach composition!) But who knows, maybe if I hadn't st ...


Maybe. But, that's ok, the academic world needs it's ditch diggers too...
 
2012-11-19 06:51:45 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I used to curse like a stevedore before I had kids. I just stopped doing it in front of the kids. It's not f*cking hard.


I've always wondered who swears more, a sailor or a truck driver?
 
2012-11-19 06:58:26 PM  

Bumblefark: ckccfa: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: Easy: the former. One child produced a grammatical statement. The other did not.

And, that's the problem: not the words themselves, but that it doesn't require much language mastery to deploy them. When they make up a disproportionate amount of one's vocabulary early on, they become a crutch. And then, fast forward 20 years, and Child #2 is still speaking that way in a mostly context-independent way whereas Child #1 has slowly acquired the skills to use profanity in a more artful and socially effective way.

The correct answer is that one of them said doodypants and should be severly beaten. Nobody who uses that term at any point in their life becomes an artful master of profanity later. If you want your child to when an insult fight, you've got to teach them to be a pro in profanity at an early age. Don't let your children bring a 'gosh darnit' to an F-bomb fight.

If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.

That's odd--this foul-mouthed kid is getting a PhD in English from a top 30 university. (And I teach composition!) But who knows, maybe if I h ...


At least I'm not in motherfarking Texas.
 
2012-11-19 06:59:40 PM  

Mija: Some people do not swear. It makes you sound like an uneducated redneck who lacks self control.


Not swearing makes you sound uneducated? I'd better start farking swearing right the fark now so all those assholes don't farking judge me by the words I choose to motherfarking use in this coontilicious language
 
2012-11-19 07:00:17 PM  

ckccfa: At least I'm not in motherfarking Texas.


Texas is a cool place, bigot.
 
2012-11-19 07:00:46 PM  
Must be the author's first child. After you've had a baby and raised him/her for a short time, you should be completely disabused of the notion that a fetus is even remotely sentient. Could the fetus's state of mind be influenced by rhythm and cadence and tone of voice? Sure, but that's as far as it goes. Maybe the baby, after being born, might stop crying when hearing a familiar voice, or something. But the words you say are completely irrelevant; of this I am certain.

I mean, we used to have a friend who, when she was knocked up with her first, swore that her fetus was playing games with her, swimming around inside to places where she pressed down with her hand. It's not like we brought it up after birth or anything, but I'm positive that she was extremely disappointed when she had this little eight-pound lump that couldn't even move on its own, let alone respond to prompts or social cues.
 
2012-11-19 07:01:05 PM  

GreatGlavinsGhost: Babwa Wawa: I used to curse like a stevedore before I had kids. I just stopped doing it in front of the kids. It's not f*cking hard.

I've always wondered who swears more, a sailor or a truck driver?


Neither. This guy does.

/ oblig
// NSFW language, of course
 
2012-11-19 07:08:07 PM  
Newsflash: Children speak the way their parents do mixed with their own personality.

Film at 11.
 
2012-11-19 07:14:02 PM  
Sounds like she is from the quaint shiatballs, MO.
 
2012-11-19 07:16:34 PM  

Bumblefark: Maybe. But, that's ok, the academic world needs it's ditch diggers too...


If you're going to take the intellectual high ground, always be sure to use the correct form of "its/it's"...
 
2012-11-19 07:21:31 PM  
I don't understand this either. I don't have a baby but I manage not to curse around children. Furthermore, I love cursing at home or with friends, but I manage to not curse at all at work. Not that I'm some kind of prude but sometimes cursing makes some people uncomfortable and I don't really want to bother my co workers or give anyone a reason to say I am unprofessional or anything...
 
2012-11-19 07:23:19 PM  

GranoblasticMan: Bumblefark: Maybe. But, that's ok, the academic world needs it's ditch diggers too...

If you're going to take the intellectual high ground, always be sure to use the correct form of "its/it's"...


And if you're going to be an insufferable ass, make sure you're that guy who seems to finds something meaningful in pointing out typos.
 
2012-11-19 07:25:06 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: I used to worry about swearing in front of my daughter, but then I just said fark it. I gotta be me.

Naturally, she swears a lot now. But she's a little 5'1" college girl, sweet and studious personality, with a baby-ish face. So when she swears, it's sorta cute, disarming and earthy. Not slutty and cringe-inducing, like if she was a tattooed smoking bar-skank.

/miss her a lot
//coming home in 48 hours


Hah when my baby sister finally got out of the house and went to college my parents both decided to 'start swearing more'. Very funny and whenever the kids come home they encourage us to curse too.
 
2012-11-19 07:25:27 PM  

ckccfa: Texas


Ironically enough, where I ended up when I resigned my post digging ditches in the academic world.
 
2012-11-19 07:27:20 PM  

Bumblefark: GranoblasticMan: Bumblefark: Maybe. But, that's ok, the academic world needs it's ditch diggers too...

If you're going to take the intellectual high ground, always be sure to use the correct form of "its/it's"...

And if you're going to be an insufferable ass, make sure you're that guy who seems to finds something meaningful in pointing out typos.

"To teach is to learn twice over." --Joseph Joubert.

 
2012-11-19 07:30:09 PM  

Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark:

If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.


How is "You're mom..." any less of a word-salad than "Shut up..."? Seems a bit hypocritical.
Also, you have bum fark in your userid.

/periphery
 
2012-11-19 07:56:17 PM  
I've always enjoyed a well placed curse word or string of curse words, but I didn't become a master at profanity until I discovered Fark. Oh, you have taught me some gems.
 
2012-11-19 08:22:12 PM  
Well, my solution is to use substitutions: 1) Fark instead of f*ck. 2) Gorram instead of G*d d*mn. 3) Olive pit instead of holy sh*t. Also Bunt, Litch, Aspbunch and Darbra Spypan. :P
 
2012-11-19 08:23:08 PM  

jaedreth: Well, my solution is to use substitutions: 1) Fark instead of f*ck. 2) Gorram instead of G*d d*mn. 3) Olive pit instead of holy sh*t. Also Bunt, Litch, Aspbunch and Darbra Spypan. :P

Gorram it.


*)
 
2012-11-19 08:24:51 PM  
My older brother's (the first child) first sentence was "God damn son of a bi*ch" to an elderly lady who commented on how sweet of a boy he was. It was my father's favourite phrase.

My brother grew up to be quite successful though, so it's alright.

I got my mouth washed out with soap so many times as a child that I would put a drop of liquid soap in my mouth at random while in front of my parents to be like "yo, dis do no' bothaar maey."


/CstoriesB
 
2012-11-19 09:34:26 PM  
Its not the words, its the intent.
 
2012-11-19 09:46:06 PM  
"What is the complaint of a VERY pregnant Lisa Lampanelli, Alex?"

/flees thread
 
2012-11-19 09:48:38 PM  
my dad never refrained from swearing around me or my brothers, at least not that i can remember. he swears a lot, especially when he's angry, and my dad is one of those people who is inexplicably always angry at something. but i knew that i wasn't allowed to say swear words around my parents or i'd get in trouble, so i just learned to censor myself around them. as an adult myself now, i do swear a lot, but i have no problem censoring myself in mixed company. i just know how to turn it off.

dumb story: i rarely swore in high school because i didn't want teachers hearing me. i was kind of a nerdy kid and was usually on my best behavior in school. so one time this dirtbag kid in the lunch room corners a religious kid and starts teasing him because the religious kid won't swear at all. he's like "say the word shiat, say the work fark, etc" and the religious kid refuses and gets all awkward about it. so then the dirtbag turns to me and pulls the same thing, expecting a similar result. but i threw back every swear word he could think of, and he (and my other friends) were shocked to hear me swear that way.
 
2012-11-19 09:49:14 PM  

JohnBigBootay: Its not the words, its the intent.


To apostrophe.
 
2012-11-19 09:58:56 PM  

ToxicMunkee: If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?


I think the baby will be more put off by the prospect of eating cheese and rice someday.

/Sounds like a sticky mess and probably a choking hazard.
 
2012-11-19 10:01:31 PM  

Tarmangani: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x335]



First thing I thought of.
 
2012-11-19 10:08:53 PM  

Badgers: ToxicMunkee: If you scream "CHEESE AND RICE!" instead of "JESUS CHRIST!" isn't the baby still hearing your pissed off voice regardless of what words you're using?

I think the baby will be more put off by the prospect of eating cheese and rice someday.

/Sounds like a sticky mess and probably a choking hazard.


Definitely Mexican food because the asians don't eat cheese.
 
2012-11-19 10:19:19 PM  

4NTLRZ: Just read TFA by Jessica Grose (more like Gross!) and all I can say is, "Who the fark cares, you ugly-ass biatch! With a face that eerily resembles a cross between Mr. Ed & Shelly Duvall, you should consider yourself farking lucky you found ANYONE desperate enough to put a baby up in ya!"

Exhibit A
[horseandman.com image 235x300]

Exhibit B
[3.bp.blogspot.com image 673x402]

Exhibit C
[www.slate.com image 250x153] 

Just sayin'.


tomhendersonsblog.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-19 10:19:47 PM  

Bumblefark: If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.


Holy shiat, I mean I intentionally give out bad advice in threads, but now I actually think it might be a good idea to teach a kid to swear just to make sure that don't turn into a stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick that says things like 'word salad' and makes weird superficial judgements on the fictional children of other people.

farking hilarious though. Without people who get their panties in a twist over words, there wouldn't be any point to them, so thank you Bumblefark.
 
2012-11-19 10:23:21 PM  

Mija: moothemagiccow: WhippingBoy: When my son way very young, I used to swear in front of him, thinking it would do no harm.

Then one day, when he was about 18 months (with a limited vocabulary), I heard him say, "f**k this s**t!".
There's nothing quite as humbling as knowing that you've taught a baby to swear. I don't think I've sworn since that day.

They're going to do it at some point in their life. What's the big deal?

Not true. Some people do not swear. It makes you sound like an uneducated redneck who lacks self control. Better to learn that young. Like it or not you will be judged by others. One wrong word can completely alter another persons view of you. Sure, maybe your child will learn to swear but do you really want to be the one who teaches him?


Horseshiat!
 
KIA
2012-11-19 10:40:37 PM  
If people are going to curse (and I know they are!) then they at least ought to spend the time to learn to do it properly.

There was actually a journal back in the day called Maledicta - The International Journal of Verbal Aggression. It chronicled any number of ways to curse and abuse people in multiple languages and incredibly hysterical ways. Man, I miss that rag.

I gotta tell you, the Italians have some very inventive curses but the Texans are right behind them... so to speak.

You can find some of the quotes yourself with minimal searching. I've personally always enjoyed the Texan "The kid is too stupid to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel" but the best were completely unprintable here.
 
2012-11-19 10:45:56 PM  
I accidentally taught my son his first swear word by calling all the teens skateboarding in traffic a bunch of dumbasses when we went for walks when he was still in his stroller. He was around 18 months old or so. He's almost ten now and he still calls skaters "dumbasses." CSS
 
2012-11-19 11:22:25 PM  
First time I heard an adult curse(I don't know if dick qualifies as a curse)
My Uncle Joe says to my Pop" You'd lose your dick if it wasn't tied to ya"
 
2012-11-19 11:42:03 PM  

W.C.fields forever: First time I heard an adult curse(I don't know if dick qualifies as a curse)
My Uncle Joe says to my Pop" You'd lose your dick if it wasn't tied to ya"


So if that's the first time you heard the word "dick" you could not possibly comprehend what this sentence meant, so I find it hard to believe you remember that whole sentence. But maybe when you heard that phrase you sought out the meaning of the word "dick" and it ended up being a major childhood impression.

So I guess you could be telling the truth, or you could be lying. And I could probably say that last sentence as a response to everything everybody ever says and never be wrong.
 
2012-11-19 11:50:30 PM  

jaylectricity: W.C.fields forever: First time I heard an adult curse(I don't know if dick qualifies as a curse)
My Uncle Joe says to my Pop" You'd lose your dick if it wasn't tied to ya"

So if that's the first time you heard the word "dick" you could not possibly comprehend what this sentence meant, so I find it hard to believe you remember that whole sentence. But maybe when you heard that phrase you sought out the meaning of the word "dick" and it ended up being a major childhood impression.

So I guess you could be telling the truth, or you could be lying. And I could probably say that last sentence as a response to everything everybody ever says and never be wrong.


I remember I was picking my nose when I was like 8.Uncle Joe said I needed a drivers' license
to pick my nose.I don't know,20 yrs later? I was in traffic.saw some dude pickin' his nose..and
laughed..
//maybe im slow.
//I can't lie.to much work
 
2012-11-20 12:30:43 AM  

BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark: If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

Holy shiat, I mean I intentionally give out bad advice in threads, but now I actually think it might be a good idea to teach a kid to swear just to make sure that don't turn into a stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick that says things like 'word salad' and makes weird superficial judgements on the fictional children of other people.

farking hilarious though. Without people who get their panties in a twist over words, there wouldn't be any point to them, so thank you Bumblefark.


...and out comes the verbal crutches. "Stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick" ...no, really, keep randomly stringing profanities together, and I'm sure you arrive at something resembling a meaningful expression. I believe in you, champ.
 
2012-11-20 01:06:35 AM  

serial arseonist: Bumblefark: BadAdviceGuy: Bumblefark:

If making sure your kid can out-curse the other kids on the playground is genuinely an organizing concern for you as a parent, so much so that you're willing to sacrifice their normal language development toward that end...more power to you, I guess. The world needs ditch diggers too.

But, I just don't see genuinely foul-mouthed little kids growing up to be "masterful" at much of anything, even cursing. That's sort of my point. When my kid is in the role of Child #2, I want him to be the one with the retort: "You know who else has doodypants? You're mom, ever since I gaped her ass with a tire iron while your dad watched."

But to pull that off, rather than just aimlessly emote with word-salads like "Shut up you motherfarking cocksucking son of a biatch", you actually have to tend to basics of language learning first...which means putting words with little grammatical content on the periphery of everyday speech.

How is "You're mom..." any less of a word-salad than "Shut up..."? Seems a bit hypocritical.
Also, you have bum fark in your userid.

/periphery


The latter is just two well-worn phrases ("Shut up" and "son of a biatch") book-ending a couple of filler words (motherfarking, cocksucking) that don't denote much, and don't depend much on syntactical rules (i.e., you can use them pretty much anywhere in a sentence without changing the meaning).

"Your mom" answers the question in the preceding question, and the clause that follows it explains the answer.

Um, yeah...my username is "bumblef*rk". I suppose it has many of the same letters as "bum fark"...I'm really not sure what more to..um...

Alright then, good chat.
 
2012-11-20 11:07:17 AM  

Bumblefark: ...and out comes the verbal crutches. "Stick-up-their-ass douchebag prick" ...no, really, keep randomly stringing profanities together, and I'm sure you arrive at something resembling a meaningful expression. I believe in you, champ


If you are suggesting I'm leaning on words in absence of an argument, I'm afraid I'd be merely a contender to your title and not the champion. Someday I'll be able to string together words without saying anything meaningful AND do it without using curse words just like you Bumblefark.
 
2012-11-20 12:25:47 PM  
CSB time...

My first words were, and I quote "Son of a biatch."

Not "mama" or "dada", or any one syllable babble. I couldn't believe it myself, it's four words. My guess was it sounded more like "sonnabiatch", but I asked my grandmother and oldest sister who thought it was the funniest thing in in the world, and they said it was clear as day... "Son of a biatch".

Fast forward 20 years or so later, my sister had a bad habit of using "shiat" in front of her newborn... I warned her about it... his third word was "shiat".

I'm certain I'll hear people not believing me here, I didn't believe it myself. I verified after my sister told me by asking my Grandmother (and she never lied to me) and it was true. Apparently my dad had a bad habit of saying that word all of the time in front of me.
 
2012-11-20 01:26:11 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-20 04:27:33 PM  

Tsar_Bomba1: SnyderCat: Umm...I curse like a Navy Seal....

So does Alison Krauss

/the more you know...


I wish I could sing like her, but I'm more Stevie Nicks....alcohol included LOL
 
2012-11-20 04:29:10 PM  

KrispyKritter: had a boss that spent too many years working underground for NY Bell. when he became suit & tie branch manager for ITT-BCC in NJ the poor schlub just couldn't curb the mouth. he would drop the 'F' bomb in front of anyone anywhere twice in every sentence he uttered, all day long every day. spent the other half of his time apologizing profusely. nice guy, intelligent, handsome, well dressed, absolutely no filter. you could see he really didn't mean to offend anyone. what a trip.


--- ITT-BCC= International Telephone & Telegraph Business Communications Corporation, long defunct


Sounds absolutely like Keanu. Face of an angel, mouth of well...it needs to be washed out regularly.
 
2012-11-21 06:50:47 PM  
Newsflash: Swear words are not only our first words, but they tend to be our best words ever. Film at eleven.
 
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