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(Topless Robot)   The five most depressing issues of Marvel Comic's speculative series "What If...?"   (toplessrobot.com) divider line 114
    More: Sad, Mayor of New York, tranquilizer gun, abducted by aliens, Matt Murdock, World Series, Punisher, Frank Castle  
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12386 clicks; posted to Geek » on 19 Nov 2012 at 1:29 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-20 02:42:15 AM

SevenizGud: What if FARK didn't greenlight 100 comic book headlines a day? Maybe the average age of readership would move up from it's present average of 6 years old?


Account creation date: 11-21-2010

Wow, you really are NEW here. Back in 2007/2008 it was up around ten a day, and you're biatching about three?
 
2012-11-20 03:16:28 AM

Mad_Radhu: Sorry, but THIS was the most depressing Marvel what if story of all time:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 250x388]


Came expecting to see Ruins, glad I'm not leaving disappointed. "Old Man Logan" is also another interesting little story in a somewhat similar vein if you've never read it.

I'd also like to read "Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe," but some of the issues are selling for stupid amounts of money online, and I don't think they have a collected edition yet.
 
2012-11-20 07:06:33 AM

Raug the Dwarf: Always loved the What If's.

I think my favorite one is a Punisher book, even though I really dislike him as a character. Punisher inherits the symbiote suit and goes on a massive criminal killing spree. Turns out, Frank is one of the few people whose own hate and drive can keep the symbiote in check. It's a pretty cool issue.


Damn. I was not aware of this. Time to go hunting.
 
2012-11-20 08:48:54 AM

Kangaroo_Ralph: [24.media.tumblr.com image 455x700]

Spoiler: Conan became a pimp.


This is my favorite What If by far, just for the freaking EPIC beatdown Conan delivers unto Captain America.
 
2012-11-20 09:11:53 AM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: Glad to see What If The Punisher Killed Daredevil on there. I used to have What If on my pull list, and that was, by far, the bleakest one they had made (losing Atlantis Attacks was pretty bad, too). I still remember the panel when an enraged Spider-Man beats the living shiat out of Punisher, while Punisher was thinking to himself "he's been holding back this entire time."

/that alone made Spidey pretty cool for a month or two


I liked the spider-man where he dared to insult Firelord (ex herald of galactus) and firelord tears apart the city trying to kill spidey and finally spidey runs out of anywhere to go, and proceeds to beat the ever lovin tar out of firelord until the avengers show up and stop him.
 
2012-11-20 11:24:18 AM

Jedekai: SevenizGud: What if FARK didn't greenlight 100 comic book headlines a day? Maybe the average age of readership would move up from it's present average of 6 years old?

Account creation date: 11-21-2010

Wow, you really are NEW here. Back in 2007/2008 it was up around ten a day, and you're biatching about three?


I like to imagine jerk-offs like him screaming COMICS R 4 KIDZ UR A RETARDUD POOPYHED 4 REEDING DEM then going off to watch their "grown-up" shows like Survivor or Honey Boo Boo.
 
2012-11-20 12:26:33 PM

skepticultist: Kangaroo_Ralph: [24.media.tumblr.com image 455x700]

Spoiler: Conan became a pimp.

This is my favorite What If by far, just for the freaking EPIC beatdown Conan delivers unto Captain America.


This is from decades-old memory, but I think I have it reasonably close: ‶And then he does the last thing Conan ever expected to see anyone do with a shield ― he throws it. Conan barely has time to deflect it, in a stunning reversal of sword vs. shield. He thinks to himself: This is no ordinary warrior!"

The members of the gang who he took over the leadership of (by defeating a black gang boss much taller and larger than himself, who brags about how much weightlifting he does and how much he can press, and has told Conan that his grip was the strength of Africa and that he could not break it. Conan pushes against his grip and says, ߴI don′t have to break your grip ― [his hand now grabs the guy′s throat] Not when I can break your neck!" ― After the now-former leader of the gang concedes defeat, Conan says, ‶Gaining strength by lifting iron lumps is nothing compared to gaining it by fighting for your life!"), who saw this battle (and had earlier urged Conan to run when Cap showed up), said in amazement, ‶He― he beat Captain America!!"

And before that, Conan tries to ask a man for money, but not speaking English well yet, is misunderstood (‶Pardnmesurcanusparemeaquarr?" ― he′d just seen a beggar get money saying something like that). The man panics (‶Oh my God! Here! Take it! Take it all!!") and throws all the cash he has on him at Conan, then runs away screaming, ‶Help!! I′ve been mugged by the Hulk!!" Conan retrieves the coins, and briefly wonders about the strange flimsy rectangles. Wrappings of some sort? He walks off with maybe a few dollars in coins, leaving hundreds of dollars in paper money on the sidewalk.

If you still have that issue (Vol. 1 #43), check out the untitled backup story after the Conan story. One panel in that story, had Kurt Busiek seen it, could′ve substantially changed the future of Marvel Comics (particularly the mutant titles, but could′ve had ramifications extending beyond those) for the better. See my previous posts for more details.
 
2012-11-20 12:31:18 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Jedekai: SevenizGud: What if FARK didn't greenlight 100 comic book headlines a day? Maybe the average age of readership would move up from it's present average of 6 years old?

Account creation date: 11-21-2010

Wow, you really are NEW here. Back in 2007/2008 it was up around ten a day, and you're biatching about three?

I like to imagine jerk-offs like him screaming COMICS R 4 KIDZ UR A RETARDUD POOPYHED 4 REEDING DEM then going off to watch their "grown-up" shows like Survivor or Honey Boo Boo.


Or WWE. You know, with heavily built men dressed in colorful Spandex® and being called by code-names, aligning on the sides of heroes and villains, shouting threats at each other, and engaging in ludicrous parodies of hand-to-hand combat? So much more mature entertainment than superhero comics.
 
2012-11-20 12:33:41 PM

COMALite J: FirstNationalBastard: Jedekai: SevenizGud: What if FARK didn't greenlight 100 comic book headlines a day? Maybe the average age of readership would move up from it's present average of 6 years old?

Account creation date: 11-21-2010

Wow, you really are NEW here. Back in 2007/2008 it was up around ten a day, and you're biatching about three?

I like to imagine jerk-offs like him screaming COMICS R 4 KIDZ UR A RETARDUD POOPYHED 4 REEDING DEM then going off to watch their "grown-up" shows like Survivor or Honey Boo Boo.

Or WWE. You know, with heavily built men dressed in colorful Spandex® and being called by code-names, aligning on the sides of heroes and villains, shouting threats at each other, and engaging in ludicrous parodies of hand-to-hand combat? So much more mature entertainment than superhero comics.


Yes, yes, they're roughly the same thing. That's why there's a decent crossover between the two audiences.
 
2012-11-20 01:21:01 PM

Fano: Haliburton Cummings: where are :

FANO
MUGATO
BRONIES

THIS IS YOUR THREAD!

Already posted multiple times, Mr. Scameron.


yeah i guess only one person could find your romantic fanfiction posts hilarious.

mountain dew is on me...
the fail is on you...
 
2012-11-20 01:45:51 PM
More creepy than depressing, but this was a good standout "out of nowhere" issue.
 
2012-11-20 01:47:12 PM
shiatsnacks.

images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2012-11-20 03:30:24 PM

COMALite J:

If you still have that issue (Vol. 1 #43), check out the untitled backup story after the Conan story. One panel in that story, had Kurt Busiek seen is, could′ve substantially changed the future of Marvel Comics (particularly the mutant titles, but could′ve had ramifications extending beyond those) for the better. See my previous posts for more details.



Can someone post a pic of this panel that is being talked about? I am really curious now.
 
2012-11-20 04:31:11 PM

DSF6969: COMALite J:

If you still have that issue (Vol. 1 #43), check out the untitled backup story after the Conan story. One panel in that story, had Kurt Busiek seen is, could′ve substantially changed the future of Marvel Comics (particularly the mutant titles, but could′ve had ramifications extending beyond those) for the better. See my previous posts for more details.

Can someone post a pic of this panel that is being talked about? I am really curious now.


I couldn't find one with GIS, and if I still have the comic in question, I can't put my hands on it right now, nor would I likely be able to until after the Thanksgiving holidays, and by then this thread will close.

So, I'll just describe the story (which as it turns out is titled, simply, ‶Behold...").

In the story that this is a sequel above (What If? Vol. 1 #32, ‶What If the Avengers were Made Pawns of Korvac?"), in my spoiler-hidden text above, I described how:

Korvac, when in the process of consolidating his power on Earth, with a gesture ejected from that entire Universe one Earth-bound humanoid alien and two humans (one a mutant) whose own powers were a potential hindrance to his goals: the Silver Surfer, Dr. Strange, and ― Phœnix!) He created a barrier blocking them from returning while he (and that Universe) still existed.

And now, the sequel ‶Behold..." in the backup of What If? Vol. 1 #43:

Dr. Strange has been fruitlessly trying to get through the barrier blocking him from his home universe, when suddenly the barrier vanishes ― but so has the Universe! There′s nothing but blank whiteness in all directions to ∞ ― a totally empty void. He reaches out with his mystical senses and encounters the Silver Surfer who was in similar straits, and together they reach out with their powers and encounter Phœnix.

The three of them search for other survivors but find none. They then try to see if any object survived, and reach out with their combined powers and find the Ultimate Nullifier. Strange scans its recent history and learns of Korvac and what he did. He then proposes a desperate gamble: the Ultimate Nullifier can nullify anything that its wielder(s) can conceive of, but nullifies them in the process. So, if they concentrated on the nothingness, the void around them that was all that remained of the universe, they should be able to Nullify the nothingness itself and thus restore the Universe, at the cost of their own existences (body and soul). It would be a desperate gamble of a sacrifice with no way that they could know if they even succeeded, since they would not exist to see the Universe restored, if it was. But all three are willing, so they′re about to try.

Just then, the ghost of Eternity manifests, and begs them not to resurrect the Universe and itself. It informs them that there are other universes and timelines, and that this one should remain dead and empty as a warning to all others in the multiverse. Reluctantly, the heroes agree, and decide not to sacrifice themselves, and to leave their Universe and everyone they knew and loved dead forever. Each then decides what s/he will do. The Silver Surfer declares that he would be content exploring the wonders of infinity. Phœnix says something in the key panel that I will reveal in the next paragraph. The last page has Dr. Strange, after the other two have departed, deciding that since he was the Sorcerer Supreme of this Universe, it is his responsibility and jurisdiction, and anywhere else he would be an intruder. So, he remains, and eventually becomes one with the nothingness Universe. The End.

And now, what Phœnix said in that key panel. I′ve not read it in decades, but I still remember it nigh-verbatim, because even then, years before X-Factor and FF#286, I realized its implications.

The bottom middle panel of the second-to-last page, the second-to-last panel of that page, shows Phœnix saying:

‶As for me, I will seek out some other Universe: someplace where it was I who died, and not the Universe. Some place that needs me." She then flies off, presumably to do just that.


I never submitted this idea to Marvel, because I thought it so obvious that I figured that I′d just anticipated what they already had planned. When X-Factor was announced as a revival of the original X-Men with a mystery female member whom we′d seen before, it seemed so obvious to me. I knew that the mystery woman was Jean Grey. I thought that her return would be based on what Mark Gruenwald had established in this story.

And then I read FF#286 just as soon as it came out. I don′t think that a comic book had ever flown from my hand into a nearby wall quite that forcefully before.

Even though, as I said above, I did figure out a way that they could still have done this, even with what was ‶revealed" in FF#286. It would′ve helped lead to a nifty crossover involving the Fantastic Four and West Coast Avengers, due to a specific member of each of those two teams.

Keep in mind that What If? timelines are divergent universes, not parallel universes like DC′s multiple Earths.
 
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