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(Washington Post)   The first section of the DC Beltway's new HOT lanes opened this weekend, let's see how they handle the first Monday morning rush hour. 6:11 - HOT lanes open, 6:38 - 4 car collision at entrance shuts down HOT lanes   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 22
    More: Fail, beltway, High occupancy/toll and express toll lanes, dc beltway, car accidents, rush hour, express lanes, E-ZPass, Virginia State Police  
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9691 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Nov 2012 at 9:23 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-19 09:28:32 AM  
5 votes:
Ctrl-Z, Ctrl-Z, Ctrl-Z!
2012-11-19 09:38:51 AM  
4 votes:
They rigged up a ramp where anyone can get on the thing and only once you're committed do you realize that there's no toll-taker option. You either have the EZ-Pass radio transponder or you don't. The sign informing you "EZ-Pass Required" is little more than the sign you might have in your neighborhood reading, "Cloaca Lane" or "Mutton Road".

And once you're in, there's no way out NOR do you have any idea what fate awaits you if you don't pay the toll. Could be the Drone comes out of the Pentagon and Hellfire's your illicit motoring ass. Could be the whole thing locks up like those giant steel plates that come up out of the ground around the Capitol Building and other super-secure locations around here. Rather than risk such a fate, the only alternative is to back your shiat on up the ramp to freedom and hope your friendly fellow motorists will take sympathy on you.

Turns out it's a minor fine if you don't have the EZ-Pass, something like $12.50 plus a $1.50 handling fee. They should make the EZ-Pass Required sign a GIANT farking billboard, screaming at you, some radio message broadcasting at 10 Million Megawatts across the entire radio spectrum so that no matter what you're tuned to it'll scream "YOU MUST HAVE AN EZ-PASS OR THE VIRGINIA DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION WILL HOLD YOU DOWN AND ADMINISTER AN ANGRY JAILHOUSE FISTFARK!" or some such warning.
2012-11-19 09:26:37 AM  
4 votes:

Hack Patooey: The cause of the crash has not been determined but Virginia State Police are urging drivers to be careful and not back up if they mistakenly enter the Express Lanes.

I see it all the time, but who the fark thinks its OK to back up on the highway because you screwed up an exit?


A woman.
2012-11-19 09:44:01 AM  
3 votes:

AngryJailhouseFistfark: They rigged up a ramp where anyone can get on the thing and only once you're committed do you realize that there's no toll-taker option. You either have the EZ-Pass radio transponder or you don't. The sign informing you "EZ-Pass Required" is little more than the sign you might have in your neighborhood reading, "Cloaca Lane" or "Mutton Road".

And once you're in, there's no way out NOR do you have any idea what fate awaits you if you don't pay the toll. Could be the Drone comes out of the Pentagon and Hellfire's your illicit motoring ass. Could be the whole thing locks up like those giant steel plates that come up out of the ground around the Capitol Building and other super-secure locations around here. Rather than risk such a fate, the only alternative is to back your shiat on up the ramp to freedom and hope your friendly fellow motorists will take sympathy on you.

Turns out it's a minor fine if you don't have the EZ-Pass, something like $12.50 plus a $1.50 handling fee. They should make the EZ-Pass Required sign a GIANT farking billboard, screaming at you, some radio message broadcasting at 10 Million Megawatts across the entire radio spectrum so that no matter what you're tuned to it'll scream "YOU MUST HAVE AN EZ-PASS OR THE VIRGINIA DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION WILL HOLD YOU DOWN AND ADMINISTER AN ANGRY JAILHOUSE FISTFARK!" or some such warning.


No, what they need is a positional sensor that can activate your phone and send a bluetooth text that covers the entire screen. After all if you are worried about signage, you need to put the sign on what people are actually looking at.
2012-11-19 09:41:32 AM  
3 votes:
"YOU MUST HAVE AN EZ-PASS OR THE VIRGINIA DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION WILL HOLD YOU DOWN AND ADMINISTER AN ANGRY JAILHOUSE FISTFARK!"

Then we'd have to wait in line behind all of Dupont circle who showed up and "forgot" their EZ-Pass at home
2012-11-19 09:36:11 AM  
3 votes:

Fade2black: A woman.


If I could have the time back that I've spent frantically reminding the g/f that no, she can't just brake here to give herself a moment to think about what to do next...

/ The cop is waving you on to the right. Go. Go now! I know we were going left, but the road is closed. There are on other options. You have to go right. THE COP IS GETTING PISSED. GO.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-11-19 02:25:05 PM  
1 votes:
- There have been "www.495expresslanes.com" signs up along this corridor for 6 months.

It's illegal to display a web site address on a sign along a major highway. MUTCD 2A.06 paragraph 14. This is federal law. It may be illegal to access an illegally-displayed web site name while driving. That's a matter of state law.
2012-11-19 01:14:40 PM  
1 votes:

gochuck: I laugh at the people who live out in the burbs. If you work in DC, live in DC (especially if you don't have kids, no excuse then).


My excuse is not wanting to pay $3k/month for a one bedroom. If you have a problem with that, take it up with management.

/management is my penis
2012-11-19 12:32:08 PM  
1 votes:

nickerj1: The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves: I never understood why I-95 was never run all the way through DC like it was supposed to be. It's obvious the Beltway can't handle the traffic.

It does. It's just called 395 and 295 (if you do the penns ave or 11th st juke).


And the reason why the Beltway was created in the first place was so people wouldnt have to drive through DC. They had a documentary about the Beltway on PBS a few months back and people acted like going into VA/MD thorugh DC would be like driving 1000 miles out of the way. And there was a traffic jam day one on the beltway. I just wish every other road in VA wasent named Lee.
2012-11-19 11:49:10 AM  
1 votes:

squidgod2000: You can park in the garage at Springfield Mall for free and walk over to the Franconia/Springfield metro station. Bring a gun.


images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com
2012-11-19 11:28:13 AM  
1 votes:
4.bp.blogspot.com
2012-11-19 11:14:11 AM  
1 votes:

wambu: Hey NOVA FARKers!

When I used to visit DC, I parked in the old Perpetual Savings Bank parking lot near the yellow line just off the beltway (near Geo. Washinton's Masonic lodge). It's been years, so that option is probably no longer available. I'm planning a trip to visit some museums. Where are some good parking lots in NOVA for those of us just visiting that are near a Metro station? I don't mind paying to park, but free is always better.


You can park in the garage at Springfield Mall for free and walk over to the Franconia/Springfield metro station. Bring a gun.
2012-11-19 10:46:49 AM  
1 votes:
www.examiner.com
2012-11-19 10:40:34 AM  
1 votes:

Dreyelle: Minerva8918: Hack Patooey: The cause of the crash has not been determined but Virginia State Police are urging drivers to be careful and not back up if they mistakenly enter the Express Lanes.

I see it all the time, but who the fark thinks its OK to back up on the highway because you screwed up an exit?

Morans of the DC variety.

MORAN (moran)
A member of the warrior group of the Masai people of East Africa, which comprises the younger unmarried males.
Origin: Masai


MORON (moron)
Informal
A stupid person: We can't let these thoughtless morons get away with mindless vandalism every weekend.
Origin: early 20th century (as a medical term denoting an adult with a mental age of about 8-12): from Greek mron, neuter of mros 'foolish'


4.bp.blogspot.com
Obscure?
2012-11-19 10:03:42 AM  
1 votes:
Within 15 minutes of driving into DC I saw 6 accidents and someone who was trailing us at about 6 feet nearly slammed into our car. WIthin 20 minutes I was cussing like a sailor and wanting to go all ITG on everyone else on the road.
2012-11-19 09:56:02 AM  
1 votes:

Hack Patooey: The cause of the crash has not been determined but Virginia State Police are urging drivers to be careful and not back up if they mistakenly enter the Express Lanes.

I see it all the time, but who the fark thinks its OK to back up on the highway because you screwed up an exit?


Not only do I see this all the time, some farkwit BACKED INTO ME once! Going onto an entrance ramp and the car started giving me issues--wouldn't accelerate right, almost every idiot light on the dash starts flashing. Didn't want to pull onto a busy highway when she's acting up, so I pulled onto the shoulder & called AAA. As I'm waiting, a white commercial pickup truck passes me, goes onto the shoulder, and starts backing up. I figure he's being a good Samaritan and wants to see if he can help. Except that he's not slowing down. Hit the horn but the car's turned off--no horn. By the time I turn on the ignition to try the horn again or maybe try to get the hell out of the way, the asshole slams right into me. Bumper crumples, trailer hitch on the back of the truck punctures the radiator. When he tries to pull forward, he nearly rips the radiator out of the engine. No injuries, thankfully, just utter incredulity.

Luckily, the 2 guys he was with told the cops the truth. I don't think anyone, myself included, would EVER believe that somebody got backed into on the shoulder of a busy highway ramp. But it happened.

/CSB
//VW's apparently have a "limp-home" mode (Emergency Running Mode). That's what kicked in that day. Never experienced it before.
2012-11-19 09:53:03 AM  
1 votes:
(A)

Drivers: the problem is the roads!

(B)

Roads: the problem is the drivers!

(If you pick A, you're liberal. If you pick B, you're conservative.)
2012-11-19 09:52:09 AM  
1 votes:
You know how you fix this???? Just have VDOT have a movable lane or adjustable gates and signage and just move the traffic accordingly....
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com


Why, it could be a model for the REST of the country.


/brillant
2012-11-19 09:43:32 AM  
1 votes:

AngryJailhouseFistfark: They rigged up a ramp where anyone can get on the thing and only once you're committed do you realize that there's no toll-taker option. You either have the EZ-Pass radio transponder or you don't. The sign informing you "EZ-Pass Required" is little more than the sign you might have in your neighborhood reading, "Cloaca Lane" or "Mutton Road".

And once you're in, there's no way out NOR do you have any idea what fate awaits you if you don't pay the toll. Could be the Drone comes out of the Pentagon and Hellfire's your illicit motoring ass. Could be the whole thing locks up like those giant steel plates that come up out of the ground around the Capitol Building and other super-secure locations around here. Rather than risk such a fate, the only alternative is to back your shiat on up the ramp to freedom and hope your friendly fellow motorists will take sympathy on you.

Turns out it's a minor fine if you don't have the EZ-Pass, something like $12.50 plus a $1.50 handling fee. They should make the EZ-Pass Required sign a GIANT farking billboard, screaming at you, some radio message broadcasting at 10 Million Megawatts across the entire radio spectrum so that no matter what you're tuned to it'll scream "YOU MUST HAVE AN EZ-PASS OR THE VIRGINIA DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION WILL HOLD YOU DOWN AND ADMINISTER AN ANGRY JAILHOUSE FISTFARK!" or some such warning.


Wow. You guys are really struggling with this, huh?
2012-11-19 09:43:23 AM  
1 votes:

freewill: If I could have the time back that I've spent frantically reminding the g/f that no, she can't just brake here to give herself a moment to think about what to do next...

/ The cop is waving you on to the right. Go. Go now! I know we were going left, but the road is closed. There are on other options. You have to go right. THE COP IS GETTING PISSED. GO.


Are you me? Or are you dating all of my ex girlfriends ever?
2012-11-19 09:26:26 AM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I wonder what the chances are that some halfwit found himself accidentally entering the lanes and tried to back up to get out of it.


So, you learned to drive in DC too?
2012-11-19 09:22:40 AM  
1 votes:
I wonder what the chances are that some halfwit found himself accidentally entering the lanes and tried to back up to get out of it.
 
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