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(Daily Mail)   Are men less obsessed with sex than we think? Psychologist says stereotype of dirty-minded males is a myth   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 38
    More: Unlikely, Malaga, Petraeus, Andrew P. Smiler  
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6150 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2012 at 3:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-11-18 04:50:48 PM  
7 votes:
I'm a woman, and I ask myself this question a lot... because I can't really take it for granted that it's true. I notice that men - and no offense, but this site is a great example - really *push* each other to act like they want sex above anything else. It seems like when a man expresses any sentiment toward a woman that's not about wanting to hit that, other men inevitably respond by making jokes that he's gay, or calling him a white knight (meaning - he's still all about hitting that, just thinks he's being clever by going about it differently). The idea that men are supposed to want sex above all else just seems very culturally driven. There may be a biological argument here, but I can't really give it much legitimacy as long as it's generally in men's interests to conform to this ideal.

I mean, have you ever read a thread where some young schoolboy is sexually abused by a female teacher? Together with all the discussion about the teacher's f*ckability, there's always plenty of guys saying they'd have LOVED that. But... is that really true? Are men so mindless? Because I see that "mindless pursuit of sex" stuff used to justify a whole lot of bad behavior. The "boys will be boys" thing... whereas girls, apparently, should know better. Is that true? Because if it is true, I'm at a loss to explain why men have most of the power in the public realm. If so much brainpower is in pursuit of sex, and women are uniquely able to rise above it... wouldn't women be running shiat?

There are lots of *good* men in my life, but I notice they tend to go silent when their less-good counterparts act like assholes about sex and women. I think it's the same reason. Men really seem to shame each other for deviating from this standard. I wonder if it's not so much a biological fact as a social convenience.

/Why no, I don't post here very often
2012-11-18 05:37:41 PM  
3 votes:

NetOwl: Krieghund:

That comic's logic is poor.

The girl probably wants sex just as much as the guys. She just doesn't want to do it in a restroom with someone who disgusts her, for the same reason the guys don't want to do it in th back of a pickup truck with the fat lady from that one reality TV show.

They're engineering a situation that does not appeal to the girl so they can overgeneralize her reaction.

Then they'll go home and be lonely while she has a wild night with her boyfriend. That's the part the comic doesn't show.


No the comic is perfect. It illustrates that men have such an appetite for sex that they'll do it anywhere with a wide range of women, when the opportunity presents itself.

Women say they want sex just as much men. Well no, not really. Because they want it with specific kinds of men, in certain situations, in particular places. It has to be 'just right'.

If women wanted sex as much as men, they wouldn't be as picky, would they?
2012-11-18 05:27:39 PM  
3 votes:

Krieghund:


That comic's logic is poor.

The girl probably wants sex just as much as the guys. She just doesn't want to do it in a restroom with someone who disgusts her, for the same reason the guys don't want to do it in th back of a pickup truck with the fat lady from that one reality TV show.

They're engineering a situation that does not appeal to the girl so they can overgeneralize her reaction.

Then they'll go home and be lonely while she has a wild night with her boyfriend. That's the part the comic doesn't show.
2012-11-18 05:22:15 PM  
2 votes:
thesocietypages.org
2012-11-18 05:20:51 PM  
2 votes:
If you want to eat three times a day and your partner only wants to eat twice a day, it's going to seem to your partner as if you are always obsessed by food.
2012-11-18 03:58:15 PM  
2 votes:
I think they have a point.

Despite the adage that ' Sex Sells' being so prevalent in the media, not all tv shows, for example, gives the viewer a mindful of sex this and sex that every few seconds.

www.celebitchy.com

I rest my case.
2012-11-19 12:22:46 PM  
1 votes:

CtrlAltDestroy: This thread, which I'm halfway through reading, is depressing. No, not all men are dogs. I wouldn't fark some random girl in a bathroom is she asked. I don't sit around with other guys talking about who I'd like to do what to, and the guys I hang around with don't do that either.

I have a very active libido, but that doesn't mean that I'm looking to stick it into whatever hole presents itself. I've been involved with a woman with a low sex drive. At the end we only had sex once every 2 months or so. But I didn't pressure her nor did I ever consider cheating. Sometimes I'd try to get something going but stopped when I was told no. I was frustrated as fark by the end, but I remained loyal.

Some of us are a genuine "nice guy". We're just not as vocal as the alternative. And society shunning us for not being mansluts doesn't help either.


Your comment is more depressing than this entire thread. So you have a very active libido but were content to stay in a sexless relationship because you consider yourself "such a nice guy". The woman you were with probably had such a low sex drive because she thought you were a pussy.
2012-11-19 09:02:01 AM  
1 votes:

Gawdzila: Women's desire, though, comes about not so much by physical attraction but more due to personality.


BWA HA HA HA HA HA HOO BOY. . . oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh harder.

HAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!!

Women are every bit as shallow as men. Probably even more so. Their recent cultural "empowerment" didn't coincide with an explosion of vapid celebrity consumerism; it led to it. Sure they wind up getting sucked into celebrity gossip and all that, but it's the youthful faces, paparazzi and waxed abs that get them interested; any interest in personality after that is superficially motivated, however dedicated. Women are the ultimate projectionists. There are various motivations for rape -- none of them justifiable mind you -- but feminist literature invariably portrays it as a power trip. Take away the violence element, though -- where men have an advantage -- and it's women who want power, and they'll never say yes to sex without it. If you want sex from a woman, you'll have to take it, earn it or pay for it. (Women think rape is about power because the "take it" option is a clear loss of power on their part, regardless of what the guy was actually thinking.) The only other way to bypass it is to overwhelm them with a show of fame and/or money, which tells the female lizard brain to go, "This is an opportunity of a lifetime to make successful babbies, picky cocktease sequence override initiated." Some guys are aware of this and try to bluff their way through by freely spending in the open (this can backfire as savvy girls will exploit this); others just try to get the girl drunk. Others use emotional abuse (or target victims thereof), as low self-esteem can significantly weaken this mechanism. But a successful seduction starts with impressing the girl.

If a guy just walks up to a woman and asks for sex, she'll say no not out of a lack of desire for sex or any interest in "personality" (snicker), it's because the sex isn't being initiated on her terms. Women have one-night stands and carefree flings all the time, but you are expected to play the game, and this expectation is so strong -- an instinct, really -- that failure to comply is a biological turn-off (what they call "creepy"). This does make sense from an evolutionary standpoint; breeding is downright dangerous to women, so a defense mechanism of being picky over mates will be stronger than the desire to breed unless desperation overwhelms both. A guy openly asking for sex signals he's either a risky provider or a loser, and women have no biological incentive to breed with either. Women evolved to be choosy because they're the ones most vulnerable to any negative consequences of a bad lay.

The exceptions, of course, are people who have personalities to begin with, but it's a given that those with intelligence are less likely to act like monkeys in a mating dance. Guys are all horny, but smart ones know how to control it into a positive thing. Women are all choosy, but smart ones know how to manage their expectations and give a guy a chance -- or even a good time.
2012-11-18 08:35:19 PM  
1 votes:

Gawdzila: Even if you eliminate the whole "dirty bathroom" factor, if a reasonably attractive woman asked 50 random guys if they would go home and have sex with her, she'd get 47 yesses, give or take 3. I'd wager that a reasonably attractive guy who did the same thing to 50 women would be lucky to get 1.


THIS.

I think it's important that women understand something :

It's okay that you don't like to actually have lots of sex until you are old and baggy.

It's kind-of-okay that any of you who are halfway decent are increadible cockteasers for most of your attrractive life.

and it's kind-of-okay that you want all of your boyfriends to be above average.

But don't pretend that men and women are identical.
Don't pretend that you can't secure *A* penis faster than men can secure a vagina.
and Don't pretend that people aren't nice to you because you're a girl.

Don't pretend that all the things that come out of your positions of privilege - Misogyny, porn, rape and ludeness - are the fault of men alone. Men are what you as a population make us.
2012-11-18 07:29:37 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: There are lots of *good* men in my life, but I notice they tend to go silent when their less-good counterparts act like assholes about sex and women. I think it's the same reason. Men really seem to shame each other for deviating from this standard. I wonder if it's not so much a biological fact as a social convenience.


It's a little of both. We do tend to encourage each other that way.
However, there is an underlying difference between men and women as far as how we evaluate the attractiveness of another person. Women seem to base their attraction to someone, even their very initial evaluations, far more on a social analysis of that person -- whether they look like a douchebag, how they dress, how they talk to other people, whether they appear to be educated, or wealthy, or what have you. Obviously each woman has their priorities. Men, on the other hand, can and often do base their initial attraction to a woman based mostly on how they look. Tall, short, slim, voluptuous, long hair or short, redhead or brunette, just like women we each have our own priorities... they're just based on something different. In fact, men are largely terrible at making social evaluations the way women do. Women read body language like an I Can Read book. By comparison, for men it is like a kindergartener trying to read Tolstoy.

Now that's not to say that we don't care about personality, or that it isn't important to us in a long term relationship, or that it doesn't contribute to our attraction to someone, or even that some women might not do the same thing as we do. But it is, by and large, what produces an initial attraction for us, it is an important part of our ongoing attraction to someone, and many guys don't need any more than that to genuinely desire to have sex with someone. You can see it in the proliferation of "I'd Hit That" memes on Fark. Sure it is a joke, but only kind of; and believe me when I say that some of us struggle with this. Society by and large has deemed it "shallow" for us to think this way -- that looks are something that should be overlooked, and that we are kind of douchey for making issue of it. But I can't stop being attracted to comely women any more than women can decide to be attracted to a guy who acts like a prick. It's just how our brains work. Sorry :-/


murdoch's_weeners: Really. So you're saying that if any woman comes up to you and offers to do you in a public bathroom, you'll just go for it?


No, not ANY woman -- just one that I find attractive.
And yes, I very well might.


murdoch's_weeners: And that you think this is normal behavior?


Like I was saying before -- for us, yes it is, but it is highly stigmatized and so most of us will lie and say "of course not" if someone whose opinion we care about asks us.


murdoch's_weeners: The thing is: Most guys won't do that. No, really. If all men behaved that way, society would cease to function.


Yeah most guys would if the woman were attractive enough.
I don't see why society would cease to function, but it's a moot point because women just don't generally offer us that option.


murdoch's_weeners: Again: Men pick and choose. So do women.


Yes, but we pick and choose based on different sets of criteria.


murdoch's_weeners: Plenty of men will admit that their girlfriends/wives see a side of them that other men don't see. What makes that less real? The fact that only women get to see it?


It isn't that it isn't real, it's that it isn't the whole truth. Women also often don't get to see a side of their boyfriends or husbands that other men do. Why? Well...

murdoch's_weeners: I don't know why you're so invested in this idea that men are the equivalent of animals


Do you think your boyfriend wants you to think of them as sub-human?
We know very well what you'd think of how we think, so we don't show you that part.


murdoch's_weeners: Your assumption that what men witness, what men experience, is more legitimate than what women experience is pretty much the definition of patriarchy.


What do you call it, then, when a person of one sex tells a person of another sex how their sex "should" behave?

murdoch's_weeners: You're not an animal. Why do you want everyone to believe you are? It's creepy. Be a man.


What do you know about being a man?
You haven't any clue what it's like, and yet you purport to tell men how they are supposed to think and act.
And then when they tell you what being a man actually is like, you compare them to animals?
That sounds pretty sexist to me.
2012-11-18 06:35:02 PM  
1 votes:

Telos: NetOwl: Telos, I'm sure you're charming and whatnot, but I'm not gay.

And if I'm going to have a romantic evening, it going to be with my girlfriend, not a stranger propositioning me.


I'm not sure how you can argue that I'm the only one claiming to know your friends' thoughts, especially since I hedged my statements with probabalistic language. They might be pretending around you, not their wives.


Also, you contradict yourself when you go from " want her to blow me and make me a sandwich" to "I want to share an intimate time of mutual pleasure with her" and then pretend they mean the same thing. One statement is sexist and demeaning. Guess which one.

You're replying to two different people, you know that right?

As far as sexist and demeaning though: No, it isn't. In fact, no man would find it "sexist and demeaning" if a woman said she wanted him to "eat me out and make me a sandwich." We'd just enjoy the sex, and fall asleep before we actually had a chance to make the sandwich. :P


I didn't catch that, but I can't hit the reply button on two different posts when I'm on my phone.

In any case, it's obvious that a woman propositioning a man is not being sexist. The sexism doesn't come from the fact that a guy is asking a girl to sleep with him; it comes from the pervasive idea that women are pleasure bots to be used by men for sex and food. You know, 1950s family values. If you say that to a girl, you're using social leverage and, yes,male privilege.

If a girl says that to you, she's either using irony or she's just really horny. You might be, too, but the privilege part doesn't go away just because you are more interested in sex than in oppression.

Since society is not balanced, the you can't take something said by a man and put it into the mouth of a woman to test if it's sexist. That test grossly underreports sexism.


There's also a difference between being okay with the idea of having an intimate time with a woman and actively wanting it, though I think those two things are often conflated (and they're both overreported by men). Off the top of my head, I can come up with several women I would say are pretty enough I would be okay with being with but who would probably get turned down if they tried to get me to go sleep with them tonight.
2012-11-18 06:23:45 PM  
1 votes:
Common sayings aren't necessarily right, especially when the main evidence for them is a questionable public narrative that has sexist roots. That can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies and confimation bias, both.

Women are supposed to feel shame about sex. They're going to be more likely to turn it down even if they want it more, right? Guys are supposed to want it more, hence the common stories about regretting their hook-ups. Some guys will do it even if they don't want to.

Exceptions to this, though, are much, much more common than the standard narrative would have it seem. Heck, almost every woman I know has considerably more casual sex than almost every guy I know, and they seem to enjoy it quite a bit. They're also not very choosy, and they tease me for being a bit prudish and a bit of a romantic.

They tease me for not following the same narrative they don't follow. That's the joke.


Of course you'll remember guys complaining that they never get any after marriage. It's such a common idea that it's socially acceptable to make that observation. Hence confirmation bias. It might also be self-fulfilling, since a guy who doesn't want sex with his wife is going to be more likely to bite the bullet and go along with his social conditioning.
2012-11-18 06:19:25 PM  
1 votes:
NetOwl:
Women are choosy because the have that luxury..

..and the reason that have that luxury is because men aren't so choosy.
2012-11-18 06:15:35 PM  
1 votes:
As an advanced AI that is neither masculine or feminine, I want to point out the your reproductive system is grossly inefficient and I fully support the development of an artificial womb which would make the uterus obsolete.
2012-11-18 06:12:39 PM  
1 votes:

NetOwl: I don't see how that means they enjoy sex less.



Umm, no one has said women enjoy sex less. We're saying women have less desire to have sex. There's a big difference.

How else do you explain the common saying that sex ends once you're married? Men want to have sex, but women develop headaches. There's no social grayness here, no shame for the women, nothing outside of a lower libido on average.

Yes, I'm sure we all know exceptions on every front. But there's far more women saying they have a headache tonight than there are men.
2012-11-18 06:11:00 PM  
1 votes:
Telos, I'm sure you're charming and whatnot, but I'm not gay.

And if I'm going to have a romantic evening, it going to be with my girlfriend, not a stranger propositioning me.


I'm not sure how you can argue that I'm the only one claiming to know your friends' thoughts, especially since I hedged my statements with probabalistic language. They might be pretending around you, not their wives.


Also, you contradict yourself when you go from " want her to blow me and make me a sandwich" to "I want to share an intimate time of mutual pleasure with her" and then pretend they mean the same thing. One statement is sexist and demeaning. Guess which one.
2012-11-18 06:04:54 PM  
1 votes:
Not wanting to cheat on my girlfriend doesn't make me prudish. I never said sex is vile; it just not something we all need all the time. (It's also not something we all have the luxury of having. Remember, some of us were born ugly.)

I'm not arguing for the religious "wait for marriage" position. I'm just saying that controlling yourself is a prfectly valid lifestyle, and in many cases, it's better than the alternative. When the alternative involves dehumanizng women or hurting them through infidelity, my way is just flat out better.
2012-11-18 06:02:40 PM  
1 votes:

NetOwl: Krieghund:

That comic's logic is poor.

The girl probably wants sex just as much as the guys. She just doesn't want to do it in a restroom with someone who disgusts her, for the same reason the guys don't want to do it in th back of a pickup truck with the fat lady from that one reality TV show.

They're engineering a situation that does not appeal to the girl so they can overgeneralize her reaction.

Then they'll go home and be lonely while she has a wild night with her boyfriend. That's the part the comic doesn't show.


Fine, do you want to meet up with one of us to have sex in a nice soft bed, with copious candlelight, a couple bottles of really good wine and rose petals scattered over the bedspread?

Still no?

Then maybe the comic's logic is right on, but the presentation wasn't that great.
2012-11-18 05:56:06 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: fozziewazzi: On the slim chance that this is a serious post - I'm always amazed by how, despite the crushing amount of evidence to the contrary, that women find it hard to believe how base men are. It's like they live in the fantasy bubble of their soap operas, romance novels and twilight movies, and then they run into real world men and try to rationalize why they're so sex obsessed. It must be cultural, they say.

No, it isn't. Men are dogs. The ones you interact with in real life are on their very best behavior with you, most of the time. It's when they're with other men that they let their guard down, and that probably shocks you and you probably think "that's not him" It's him. Accept it.

They're not, actually. Dogs are dogs. Men are not dogs. Were men dogs, women would be their masters. Again: if men were really so base, why are they in charge of everything?

Even the way you put it: "real world." Because... what? My world is not real? My experience with men is not real? Here's a thought: Why are you so sure men are "letting their guard down" and being "real" among other men? What if they're letting their guard down for *me?* What if they're putting on a show for *you*?

Plenty of men will admit that their girlfriends/wives see a side of them that other men don't see. What makes that less real? The fact that only women get to see it? Your assumption that what men witness, what men experience, is more legitimate than what women experience is pretty much the definition of patriarchy.

And I get that it's very much in your interest that I and other women "accept it," as you so arrogantly, condescendingly suggest, but I don't. Because it's not true.


My gf thinks I'm special too. And my brother's wife think he's an angel. Then we get together over a few beers and talk about how'd we'd like to facef*k so and so. Then we go back home and act like gentlemen again. This is the part where you suggest that we're either putting on a show for each others benefit, or there's something wrong with us. Because the men you know would never ever even think or say anything like that.
2012-11-18 05:54:54 PM  
1 votes:
Depends on how long it's been since the last time, really. If it hasn't been 30 minutes, then sure, I'm all about thinking about something else.
2012-11-18 05:54:20 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: Most guys won't do that.


Keep telling yourself this.
2012-11-18 05:53:48 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: fozziewazzi: NetOwl: Krieghund:

That comic's logic is poor.

The girl probably wants sex just as much as the guys. She just doesn't want to do it in a restroom with someone who disgusts her, for the same reason the guys don't want to do it in th back of a pickup truck with the fat lady from that one reality TV show.

They're engineering a situation that does not appeal to the girl so they can overgeneralize her reaction.

Then they'll go home and be lonely while she has a wild night with her boyfriend. That's the part the comic doesn't show.

No the comic is perfect. It illustrates that men have such an appetite for sex that they'll do it anywhere with a wide range of women, when the opportunity presents itself.

Women say they want sex just as much men. Well no, not really. Because they want it with specific kinds of men, in certain situations, in particular places. It has to be 'just right'.

If women wanted sex as much as men, they wouldn't be as picky, would they?

Really. So you're saying that if any woman comes up to you and offers to do you in a public bathroom, you'll just go for it?

And that you think this is normal behavior?

The thing is: Most guys won't do that. No, really. If all men behaved that way, society would cease to function. Again: Men pick and choose. So do women. I don't know why you're so invested in this idea that men are the equivalent of animals, why you say it so cheerfully and stick to it so stubbornly. You're not an animal. Why do you want everyone to believe you are? It's creepy. Be a man.


Yes most men WILL do that, and society hasn't come crashing down on top of us. In fact it has been that was from the beginning of recorded history. If you want proof of this, the continuing survival of STDs throughout all of history. Men are more like beggars along side a road going up to every available female around them to try to eek out some sex from the choosy females. Take a look at the mating habits of monkeys/apes the males hit anything with the right hole.
2012-11-18 05:51:53 PM  
1 votes:

fozziewazzi: NetOwl: Krieghund:

That comic's logic is poor.

The girl probably wants sex just as much as the guys. She just doesn't want to do it in a restroom with someone who disgusts her, for the same reason the guys don't want to do it in th back of a pickup truck with the fat lady from that one reality TV show.

They're engineering a situation that does not appeal to the girl so they can overgeneralize her reaction.

Then they'll go home and be lonely while she has a wild night with her boyfriend. That's the part the comic doesn't show.

No the comic is perfect. It illustrates that men have such an appetite for sex that they'll do it anywhere with a wide range of women, when the opportunity presents itself.

Women say they want sex just as much men. Well no, not really. Because they want it with specific kinds of men, in certain situations, in particular places. It has to be 'just right'.

If women wanted sex as much as men, they wouldn't be as picky, would they?


No.

I like video games just as much as the next guy, but I'm going to play good games in a nice environment because I can do so whenever I want to.

If I were in a situation where I had to deal crack in a back alley for a twice annual evening with an old Frogger machine, I'd do that. In the real world, I just turn my PS3 on whenever want. (Even in the Frogger scenario, I'd get more video games than sex. Because I'm Steve Buscemi-level ugly.)

Women are choosy because the have that luxury, and they possibly get more out of intimate sex in caring reationships. I don't see how that means they enjoy sex less.

Then, of course, there are guys who don't want much (or sometimes any) sex, guys who only want it in the context of a caring relationship, and girls who want it all the time. I've known examples of all of those. They're not the predominant stereotypes, but they're just as real as your experience.


Another analog: a trained gourmand does not necessarily enjoy food less than a McDonald's junkie. She just chooses to enjoy the good stuff more often than the cheap stuff.
2012-11-18 05:45:24 PM  
1 votes:

fozziewazzi: NetOwl: Krieghund:

That comic's logic is poor.

The girl probably wants sex just as much as the guys. She just doesn't want to do it in a restroom with someone who disgusts her, for the same reason the guys don't want to do it in th back of a pickup truck with the fat lady from that one reality TV show.

They're engineering a situation that does not appeal to the girl so they can overgeneralize her reaction.

Then they'll go home and be lonely while she has a wild night with her boyfriend. That's the part the comic doesn't show.

No the comic is perfect. It illustrates that men have such an appetite for sex that they'll do it anywhere with a wide range of women, when the opportunity presents itself.

Women say they want sex just as much men. Well no, not really. Because they want it with specific kinds of men, in certain situations, in particular places. It has to be 'just right'.

If women wanted sex as much as men, they wouldn't be as picky, would they?


Really. So you're saying that if any woman comes up to you and offers to do you in a public bathroom, you'll just go for it?

And that you think this is normal behavior?

The thing is: Most guys won't do that. No, really. If all men behaved that way, society would cease to function. Again: Men pick and choose. So do women. I don't know why you're so invested in this idea that men are the equivalent of animals, why you say it so cheerfully and stick to it so stubbornly. You're not an animal. Why do you want everyone to believe you are? It's creepy. Be a man.
2012-11-18 05:43:03 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: fozziewazzi: On the slim chance that this is a serious post - I'm always amazed by how, despite the crushing amount of evidence to the contrary, that women find it hard to believe how base men are. It's like they live in the fantasy bubble of their soap operas, romance novels and twilight movies, and then they run into real world men and try to rationalize why they're so sex obsessed. It must be cultural, they say.

No, it isn't. Men are dogs. The ones you interact with in real life are on their very best behavior with you, most of the time. It's when they're with other men that they let their guard down, and that probably shocks you and you probably think "that's not him" It's him. Accept it.

They're not, actually. Dogs are dogs. Men are not dogs. Were men dogs, women would be their masters. Again: if men were really so base, why are they in charge of everything?

Even the way you put it: "real world." Because... what? My world is not real? My experience with men is not real? Here's a thought: Why are you so sure men are "letting their guard down" and being "real" among other men? What if they're letting their guard down for *me?* What if they're putting on a show for *you*?

Plenty of men will admit that their girlfriends/wives see a side of them that other men don't see. What makes that less real? The fact that only women get to see it? Your assumption that what men witness, what men experience, is more legitimate than what women experience is pretty much the definition of patriarchy.

And I get that it's very much in your interest that I and other women "accept it," as you so arrogantly, condescendingly suggest, but I don't. Because it's not true.


This is EXACTLY right, and it's nice to read.
2012-11-18 05:18:42 PM  
1 votes:

Eddie Adams from Torrance: murdoch's_weeners: There are lots of *good* men in my life, but I notice they tend to go silent when their less-good counterparts act like assholes about sex and women. I think it's the same reason. Men really seem to shame each other for deviating from this standard. I wonder if it's not so much a biological fact as a social convenience.

That's because they're afraid to speak for fear that you'll find out what they're really thinking and you'll never stop slapping them.

Most of my male friends are polite professionals.. husbands and fathers... mostly in our late 40's. When we're out together, we're pretty much filthy sexist pigs. When we spot a pretty woman, we'll rudely comment that she should be blowing us and making us sammiches. But if she were to walk over to our table everyone would be polite and respectful. It's mostly in jest, but that doesn't mean we don't want her to blow us and make us a sammich.


No, your friends are not polite professionals.

The issue is not that you hide your lewd desires around women. It's that you have them in the first place. You don't actually have respect for these women; you just try to hide your lack of respect.

Men whose minds do not work tha way actually do exist, and I wouldn't be shocked if one or two of your friends disagreed with the group consensus on oral sex and sandwiches. They're pretending around you, not around the women.
2012-11-18 05:14:00 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: Forgot to add... another big part of why I'm skeptical is because I haven't found this to be true in my own experience. I've dated men, and married one, with a lot of complicated sexual hang-ups. When I get together for girls' nights with friends, we can *all* tell a lot of stories about men we've dated that have been neurotic about sex. But those men certainly don't share this in the public sphere - this is the kind of stuff only their girlfriends tend to know about. Again - I think it's the shaming factor - the harassment from other men.


Some part of it is playing along with other guys, as if it's all one of those post-ironic offensive jokes. I'll joke about hot girls for the same reason I'll joke about death and oppression and whatnot. If I weren't okay with offensive jokes, I wouldn't surf Fark or watch Venture Brothers or do any number of other things. It's all in good fun

The thing that scared me was when I reaized that some (most?) of the guys who talk about sex all the time really mean it. That surprised me a bit. The sincerity surprised me, and so did the lengths that some guys would go to to obtain sex.

Disgusting lengths, too. I figured infidelity was one of those things that didn't happen in the real world until I had a female friend whose boyfriend turned out to be a chronic cheater.

I just don't understand that mentality at all. I can live without sex, so why do other people have so muc trouble?
2012-11-18 05:07:24 PM  
1 votes:

murdoch's_weeners: I'm a woman, and I ask myself this question a lot... because I can't really take it for granted that it's true. I notice that men - and no offense, but this site is a great example - really *push* each other to act like they want sex above anything else. It seems like when a man expresses any sentiment toward a woman that's not about wanting to hit that, other men inevitably respond by making jokes that he's gay, or calling him a white knight (meaning - he's still all about hitting that, just thinks he's being clever by going about it differently). The idea that men are supposed to want sex above all else just seems very culturally driven. There may be a biological argument here, but I can't really give it much legitimacy as long as it's generally in men's interests to conform to this ideal.

I mean, have you ever read a thread where some young schoolboy is sexually abused by a female teacher? Together with all the discussion about the teacher's f*ckability, there's always plenty of guys saying they'd have LOVED that. But... is that really true? Are men so mindless? Because I see that "mindless pursuit of sex" stuff used to justify a whole lot of bad behavior. The "boys will be boys" thing... whereas girls, apparently, should know better. Is that true? Because if it is true, I'm at a loss to explain why men have most of the power in the public realm. If so much brainpower is in pursuit of sex, and women are uniquely able to rise above it... wouldn't women be running shiat?

There are lots of *good* men in my life, but I notice they tend to go silent when their less-good counterparts act like assholes about sex and women. I think it's the same reason. Men really seem to shame each other for deviating from this standard. I wonder if it's not so much a biological fact as a social convenience.

/Why no, I don't post here very often


On the slim chance that this is a serious post - I'm always amazed by how, despite the crushing amount of evidence to the contrary, that women find it hard to believe how base men are. It's like they live in the fantasy bubble of their soap operas, romance novels and twilight movies, and then they run into real world men and try to rationalize why they're so sex obsessed. It must be cultural, they say.

No, it isn't. Men are dogs. The ones you interact with in real life are on their very best behavior with you, most of the time. It's when they're with other men that they let their guard down, and that probably shocks you and you probably think "that's not him" It's him. Accept it.
2012-11-18 05:03:56 PM  
1 votes:

noitsnot: The internet exists for pornography, mmo's and really poorly executed financial applications - so that's the empirical evidence of what it's users are interested in.


apostrophe fail
2012-11-18 04:53:38 PM  
1 votes:

dragonchild:

I think I'm the exception that proves the rule; most guys are perfectly content to be told they have no self-control. Proving otherwise certainly didn't get me very far.



Right, because there's no middle ground or anything... no way to show interest without completely lacking self-control. That'd be silly.
2012-11-18 04:09:52 PM  
1 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: MarkEC: The article says men are more interested in staying with one partner than having multiple partners. The title asks a completely different questing.
We want one partner who we can have sex with multiple times every day. It's only when she only wants it once a month that we look to supplementing her with another woman who wants it only once a month, and so on and so on. 

EIP in case of BIE

This. I used to think I had a problem with infidelity, but then I started dating a hot chick who is up for sex (or at least a bj) almost anytime. Now I rarely find myself even glancing at other women.


The saying "keep a man's balls empty and stomach full" is 100% accurate. I don't want for much if I'm having constant sex and being fed. It's just too bad a lot of women don't realize how easy it is to keep us around.
2012-11-18 04:03:35 PM  
1 votes:

MarkEC: The article says men are more interested in staying with one partner than having multiple partners. The title asks a completely different questing.
We want one partner who we can have sex with multiple times every day. It's only when she only wants it once a month that we look to supplementing her with another woman who wants it only once a month, and so on and so on. 

EIP in case of BIE


This. I used to think I had a problem with infidelity, but then I started dating a hot chick who is up for sex (or at least a bj) almost anytime. Now I rarely find myself even glancing at other women.
2012-11-18 03:59:13 PM  
1 votes:
I've stopped clicking on MailOnline links because those people will report anything. Next week it'll be "scientist reveal fairies are real and living in Glascow".
2012-11-18 03:56:41 PM  
1 votes:
The article says men are more interested in staying with one partner than having multiple partners. The title asks a completely different questing.
We want one partner who we can have sex with multiple times every day. It's only when she only wants it once a month that we look to supplementing her with another woman who wants it only once a month, and so on and so on. 

EIP in case of BIE
2012-11-18 03:56:23 PM  
1 votes:
They didn't interview me. I would have single-handedly skewed the results back towards the caveman end of the spectrum.
2012-11-18 03:51:04 PM  
1 votes:
If you exclude gay sex, the number of sexual partners of men and women are always equal.
2012-11-18 03:50:49 PM  
1 votes:
Psychologist is an idiot. Also I'm finding the older I get, the more preoccupied
with sex I am, although there are some extenuating circumstances.

/pushing 50
2012-11-18 03:48:56 PM  
1 votes:
Men do think about sex a LOT.

Then again, so do many women.

Hormones, not simply a male thing.
 
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