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(Some Manly Guy)   Introducing "Alpha Nail," nail polish for men that's 100% heterosexual   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, alpha  
•       •       •

10788 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2012 at 5:29 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-11-18 05:45:35 PM  
5 votes:

dorkymidgetqueen: I much prefer Manglaze. Alpha Nail is... uh how do I put this... douchey in their vibe. They take 'emselves WAY too seriously, and it's hilarous.

There's nothing gay at all about a product called man glaze, nope, nothing at all.

/may as well call it baby batter
2012-11-18 06:07:07 PM  
4 votes:
2012-11-18 05:53:24 PM  
4 votes:

Yep. Pretty much this. No matter how many MMA fighters endorse your product, it's still farking nail polish.
2012-11-18 06:23:20 PM  
3 votes:
Yeah, it's really heterosexual to wear nail polish
2012-11-18 05:52:20 PM  
3 votes:
or gaytway
2012-11-18 05:42:52 PM  
3 votes:

andrewagill: Diet changes cured that nail issue, though.
2012-11-18 05:34:27 PM  
3 votes:
Welp, that finishes out my Christmas wish list.
2012-11-18 07:19:27 PM  
2 votes:
The only way a guy can have painted nails and not have it gay is if his young daughter did it. You shut the hell up and let her do it. The same goes when a kid hands you a toy phone. You answer it.
2012-11-18 06:47:58 PM  
2 votes:

Bonzo_1116: Ebenator: That website is ridiculous.

I'm in love with the section on peacocking.

My reaction was...
2012-11-18 06:30:32 PM  
2 votes:

Lol, he's a Kok Champion. But with that fabulous baby blue, I doubt he's a lightweight at it.

2012-11-18 06:14:56 PM  
2 votes:

encyclopediaplushuman: Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay

Yeahhhh, about that.
2012-11-18 06:04:03 PM  
2 votes:
I spent a good chunk of the day working on the car, and yesterday on the tractor. My nails would be ruined if I used polish. What I'm saying is they need men's press on nails.
2012-11-18 06:02:11 PM  
2 votes:
Gayer than 7 dudes sucking off 8 dudes.
2012-11-18 05:57:50 PM  
2 votes:

lazd: I started wearing polish to stop biting my nails, now I just like having tidy nails after years of looking like they'd been savaged.

That and it's a great conversation starter :)

/ 38 year old straight male
// Currently glitter on black

This is why you're single
2012-11-18 05:47:16 PM  
2 votes:
This is as manly as manly gets
2012-11-18 05:44:33 PM  
2 votes:
Alpha Nail is technologically and biologically superior to anything on the market. Formulated with both Citral and Ginseng to strengthen and invigorate the nails down to the beds, our formula keeps nails harder and healthier.

That is clearly some high-tech shiat right there.
2012-11-18 05:32:23 PM  
2 votes:
2012-11-18 05:30:56 PM  
2 votes:
2012-11-18 04:07:43 PM  
2 votes:
Wearing nail polish doesn't make you gay. You have to be sexually attracted to men for that to happen, and I don't think some nail polish will cause you to suddenly look at a guy's butt and think, "I need to snap my dick off in that."

I think it's weird to see men in nail polish, but whatever floats your boat.
2012-11-18 04:05:04 PM  
2 votes:
Somehow, I don't think the color is the problem with nail polish not being manly enough. I think I could get every color this company offers already.

I think the problem is, most woman aren't really going for a guy who is worried about chipping a nail.
2012-11-19 03:18:45 PM  
1 vote:

AaronSynn: Next up: MACHO TAMPONS FOR MEN!

It's a self-fulfilling invention: once you jam it in your urethra, you're going to need it to soak up all the blood
2012-11-18 10:40:22 PM  
1 vote:

Phony_Soldier: My question is this - will it help me get laid?

/Cause that is all that matters!

Dudes will wanna f*ck your brains out
2012-11-18 08:01:06 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-18 07:56:54 PM  
1 vote:
All glory to the Emperor! Death to the Pink Korps!
2012-11-18 07:13:01 PM  
1 vote:

spaten: PrivateCaboose: spaten: peachpicker: As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now


It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue

Idk, I have no desire to paint my boyfriend's toes. Different strokes for different folks, though - whatever makes you happy.

It was her idea... we are really open with each others sexual fantasies.
2012-11-18 06:53:35 PM  
1 vote:

Xyzzyka: Bondith:I only use shampoo because I don't want to walk around with a greasy rat's nest on my head. I have a hell of a time finding a shampoo I deem "manly", since my definition eliminates pretty much every product on the market. I don't need it to moisturise, condition, demoisturise, detangle, remoisturise, volumise, or do anything else fancy. I just need it to remove the excess dirt and oil from my hair so I can be respectably clean. I really don't need it to smell like Carmen Miranda's hat in a blender or be stuffed full of unpronounceable tropical foliage. I've ended up resorting to generic knock-off Irish Spring (I'm Irish(ish) and it smells like dirt) body wash (which I tell myself is just soap in a squeeze bottle). Back in the day I found a giant 1L bottle of bright industrial orange dollar store shampoo labelled "NORMAL" and nothing else. Oh how I miss that.

I've shared Tresemme with my ex. Subtle/neutral scent, comes in a big ugly black pump bottle. When I was a kid, my dad (and therefore I) usually went with Alberto VO-5 (amber goop in a clunky ol' flat bottle), though you may have to dig through those fruity new scents they started to put out a while back. Or you could try that so-called "no-poo" thing where you rinse your hair with a baking soda solution and optionally condition with cider vinegar - didn't work great for me though.

Anyway, if us ladies have to put up with ergonomic pink razors, let fellas have a turn with overpriced polish remover pads. Just another way to tell how dumb someone is with his money.

I was pretty confused when I picked up a pack of razors on sale and they were SCENTED. Because when I'm cutting the hair on my legs, I obviously prioritize purchasing a razor that smells like lavender.
2012-11-18 06:34:12 PM  
1 vote:

//I tell women I date about it
///they think it's weird but funny

Just know that when the relationship is over and she's talking about you with her girlfriends you're the "nailpolish guy".
2012-11-18 06:31:17 PM  
1 vote:

lazd: lazd: Fista-Phobia: 8/10

rappy:This is why you're single

Sorry, not a troll and been married for nearly nine years :)

Just remembered here's a pic of my nails from last week:

[ image 850x498]
2012-11-18 06:20:20 PM  
1 vote:
Ok, maybe 60% heterosexual.
2012-11-18 06:16:59 PM  
1 vote:
$9.99 for black "mens" nail polish, or pay $4 for a bottle of Revlon.

Alpha Nail won't make you 100% heterosexual but will make you 100% stupid.
2012-11-18 06:14:42 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-18 06:13:41 PM  
1 vote:

Fista-Phobia: Rozinante: I spent a good chunk of the day working on the car, and yesterday on the tractor. My nails would be ruined if I used polish. What I'm saying is they need men's press on nails.

Or gloves.

Do you know how hard it is to accessorize shop clothes? I never know whether gloves should match your coveralls or your boots. And you just can't find them in New Holland blue.
2012-11-18 06:06:31 PM  
1 vote:
"And while putting it on won't make you Alpha, chances are that if you do it, you already are."

This is mocking itself!
2012-11-18 06:01:23 PM  
1 vote:
It's funny watching people get worked up over what is and what is not gender appropriate. There was a time when people freaked out even harder over women wearing bloomers, and then pants.

Of course, back in the bloomer days it was also considered perfectly normal to dress little boys and girls the same way, in dresses with long hair.

But now we've cracked the code for sure! Nail polish on men is gay!
2012-11-18 06:00:39 PM  
1 vote:
Declaring something not gay pretty much makes it gay, eh?

/even if it wasn't gay in the first place
2012-11-18 06:00:21 PM  
1 vote:

lordjupiter: Don't care about the gay/manly thing. If there's a market for it, fine, whatever. But it seems like someone's always trying to sell men on women's products by reframing it as masculine (body wash, body scrubs, nail polish, shampoo, creams, anal lube, etc)

I can see the powerpoint with the pie chart showing that heterosexual males are only 2% of the nail polish market and the marketing executives coming up with advertising campaigns to try to tap this untapped market.

/Do not approve
2012-11-18 05:55:42 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-18 05:55:23 PM  
1 vote:
perfect for men who are into My Little Ponies
2012-11-18 05:55:01 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-18 05:53:36 PM  
1 vote:

rappy: andrewagill: Diet changes cured that nail issue, though.

[ image 544x479]

Sometimes that actually works. If you notice that your fingernails have white spots on them, try eating more vegetables and less bacon for a few weeks. Then see if you still have spots.

And if eating more vegetables offends your delicate masculine sensibilities, you could top them with jalapeño ranch and/or bacon grease.
2012-11-18 05:51:14 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-18 05:50:56 PM  
1 vote:
Is there something I can put on my nails that will let them take a razor sharp edge? Because if not, I'm not buying it.

//watched too much kung fu as a kid
2012-11-18 05:50:40 PM  
1 vote:
Nail Polish?
2012-11-18 05:49:35 PM  
1 vote:

probesport: This is as manly as manly gets

[ image 492x356]

You know he's straight 'cause of the posters.
2012-11-18 05:47:02 PM  
1 vote:

I don't get how dressing to make yourself appealing to women makes you gay, but I don't understand the macho posturing culture at all. (Okay, I actually do understand what the point is supposed to be, and I've observed enough of this kind of behavior to have a good idea of where these guys's insecurities lie, but it's still stupid.)

Painting yourself like a woman is supposed to attract women? I think there's a self-defeating flaw in that. NTTAWW any of the people involved, just a certain incompatibilty.

I'll admit my views on the whole metrosexual thing are lagging a decade or three behind. If they want to preen and look pretty, I'm not going to stop them, but I reserve the right to quietly snicker behind their backs.

whatshisname: Oh, come on. You can look like this guy and be surrounded by bimbos

[ image 321x284]

He's not surrounded, just flanked.
2012-11-18 05:39:33 PM  
1 vote:

encyclopediaplushuman: Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay


you write pony songs? and you wear glitter nailpolish. you're gay you just don't know it yet
2012-11-18 05:39:16 PM  
1 vote:
White people problems.
2012-11-18 05:36:53 PM  
1 vote:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.

Then what the fark are we supposed to do for entertainment? A dude can only beat meat so many times a day.
2012-11-18 05:36:41 PM  
1 vote:

whatshisname: Oh, come on. You can look like this guy and be surrounded by bimbos

[ image 321x284]

I'd hit it, even with nail polish on
2012-11-18 05:35:39 PM  
1 vote:
Oh, come on. You can look like this guy and be surrounded by bimbos
2012-11-18 05:33:49 PM  
1 vote:
So it is one of those, I'm not gay but the guy applying it while giving me a hummer is things?
2012-11-18 05:33:28 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-18 05:31:57 PM  
1 vote:
That website is ridiculous.
2012-11-18 05:11:51 PM  
1 vote:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.

It's not that they are living their lives.

It's the marketing of that product to me. It offends my sensibilities of what is and isn't stupid.

If other people buy into it then they are obviously moronic rubes... they don't offend me so much as scare me by their mere existence.
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