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(Some Manly Guy)   Introducing "Alpha Nail," nail polish for men that's 100% heterosexual   (alphanail.com) divider line 52
    More: Amusing, alpha  
•       •       •

10537 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2012 at 5:29 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-18 05:11:51 PM  
6 votes:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.


It's not that they are living their lives.

It's the marketing of that product to me. It offends my sensibilities of what is and isn't stupid.

If other people buy into it then they are obviously moronic rubes... they don't offend me so much as scare me by their mere existence.
2012-11-18 04:35:55 PM  
6 votes:
One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.
2012-11-18 04:07:43 PM  
4 votes:
Wearing nail polish doesn't make you gay. You have to be sexually attracted to men for that to happen, and I don't think some nail polish will cause you to suddenly look at a guy's butt and think, "I need to snap my dick off in that."

I think it's weird to see men in nail polish, but whatever floats your boat.
2012-11-18 04:05:04 PM  
4 votes:
Somehow, I don't think the color is the problem with nail polish not being manly enough. I think I could get every color this company offers already.

I think the problem is, most woman aren't really going for a guy who is worried about chipping a nail.
2012-11-18 06:16:59 PM  
3 votes:
$9.99 for black "mens" nail polish, or pay $4 for a bottle of Revlon.

Alpha Nail won't make you 100% heterosexual but will make you 100% stupid.
2012-11-18 06:00:21 PM  
3 votes:

lordjupiter: Don't care about the gay/manly thing. If there's a market for it, fine, whatever. But it seems like someone's always trying to sell men on women's products by reframing it as masculine (body wash, body scrubs, nail polish, shampoo, creams, anal lube, etc)


I can see the powerpoint with the pie chart showing that heterosexual males are only 2% of the nail polish market and the marketing executives coming up with advertising campaigns to try to tap this untapped market.

/Do not approve
2012-11-18 05:49:01 PM  
3 votes:
It starts at birth with blue and pink baby rooms and clothes. Then boy dolls and girl dolls. Then lunch boxes with cars and some with princesses.

I can get all of that kind of.

But why do we have skincare for men and women, shampoos for men and women, razors for men and women, and now different nail polish for men? I've heard of men who won't use a skincare product if it doesn't specifically say it's for a man on it.

Virginia Slims even capitalized on the women's movement with "You've come a long way, baby."

Men end up paying a fortune for specialized skincare and now makeup and nail polish. It's all the same stuff.

I don't really find it interesting or scandalizing at all that men wear make-up or nail polish. You see it in rock and roll all the time. It's the making-it-OK marketing that is so fascinating to me.
2012-11-18 05:39:33 PM  
3 votes:

encyclopediaplushuman: Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay


hahahahaha

you write pony songs? and you wear glitter nailpolish. you're gay you just don't know it yet
2012-11-18 05:37:48 PM  
3 votes:
Don't care about the gay/manly thing. If there's a market for it, fine, whatever. But it seems like someone's always trying to sell men on women's products by reframing it as masculine (body wash, body scrubs, nail polish, shampoo, creams, anal lube, etc)
2012-11-18 05:31:57 PM  
3 votes:
That website is ridiculous.
2012-11-18 05:57:50 PM  
2 votes:

lazd: I started wearing polish to stop biting my nails, now I just like having tidy nails after years of looking like they'd been savaged.

That and it's a great conversation starter :)

/ 38 year old straight male
// Currently glitter on black


This is why you're single
2012-11-18 05:53:25 PM  
2 votes:
From a womans point of view, I just can't picture a guy who uses nail polish as being that being very useful-- i.e. knowing how to build a barn, run equipment, taking care of livestock, etc.

Each to her own I guess though.
2012-11-18 05:53:24 PM  
2 votes:
i.qkme.me

Yep. Pretty much this. No matter how many MMA fighters endorse your product, it's still farking nail polish.
2012-11-18 05:48:02 PM  
2 votes:
Yeah. I wore nail polish in college during my, "I think I'm David Bowie" phase. I have NEVER done as well with the ladies as I did during that phase of my life. (Of course that's half to do with just being ON a stage and playing Any type of music than the nail polish.)

The point is that I just called it nail polish and eyeliner. I knew what I was putting on.
2012-11-18 05:47:02 PM  
2 votes:

NetOwl:
I don't get how dressing to make yourself appealing to women makes you gay, but I don't understand the macho posturing culture at all. (Okay, I actually do understand what the point is supposed to be, and I've observed enough of this kind of behavior to have a good idea of where these guys's insecurities lie, but it's still stupid.)


Painting yourself like a woman is supposed to attract women? I think there's a self-defeating flaw in that. NTTAWW any of the people involved, just a certain incompatibilty.

I'll admit my views on the whole metrosexual thing are lagging a decade or three behind. If they want to preen and look pretty, I'm not going to stop them, but I reserve the right to quietly snicker behind their backs.

whatshisname: Oh, come on. You can look like this guy and be surrounded by bimbos

[www.alphanail.com image 321x284]


He's not surrounded, just flanked.
2012-11-18 05:41:56 PM  
2 votes:

encyclopediaplushuman: Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay


Wearing nail polish doesn't make you gay. It does, however, make me assume you're gay. But in DC, that's just a safe bet.
2012-11-18 05:32:23 PM  
2 votes:
applejack.ponychan.net
2012-11-19 10:18:22 AM  
1 votes:
CtrlAltDestroy
///Guys I work with thought it was weird at first, but no one cares anymore
////Own whatever it is you do and no one can make you feel bad for it


I think I'm going to go shut up and not care.

Enjoy your nails, and all the female attention.

/they're not my nails, why should I give a damn?
2012-11-19 10:08:21 AM  
1 votes:
Aww. Why do I always get to the fun threads late?

EvilEgg: I think the problem is, most woman aren't really going for a guy who is worried about chipping a nail.


I paint my nails. I also work with my hands for a living. And I'm also the go-to family car mechanic. I'm pretty good about wearing mechanic's gloves when doing rough stuff but my polish will chip after a couple of days. I don't really care. If they're chipped I'll just wait until I get home and remove the polish. I'll leave my nails clean for a couple of days before reapplying. And for the record, no cotton balls for me. Acetone based remover and paper towels work just fine.

NetOwl: I can see how it could help guys trying to pull off certain looks.


It works for me. At the last formal event I went to I wore this - black 3 piece, modern fit, suit with a herringbone pattern and slight shine, black dress shirt, square toe dress shoes, white tie, eye liner, and black nail polish. I got lots of compliments that night and all but one were from women.

As far as Alpha Nail, Man Glaze, and the other couple of companies marketing polish to men, no thanks. They do have nice colors. But they're farking expensive. $10-13 for a single bottle? Screw that. Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear works for me. Decent colors, $2-3 a bottle, and lasts well.

/Women like the nail polish
//Straight as can be
///Guys I work with thought it was weird at first, but no one cares anymore
////Own whatever it is you do and no one can make you feel bad for it
2012-11-19 06:16:12 AM  
1 votes:
Pro-tip: It's actually "Male Polish"...
2012-11-18 08:01:06 PM  
1 votes:
2012-11-18 07:30:59 PM  
1 votes:

swingerofbirches: It starts at birth with blue and pink baby rooms and clothes. Then boy dolls and girl dolls. Then lunch boxes with cars and some with princesses.

I can get all of that kind of.

But why do we have skincare for men and women, shampoos for men and women, razors for men and women, and now different nail polish for men? I've heard of men who won't use a skincare product if it doesn't specifically say it's for a man on it.

Virginia Slims even capitalized on the women's movement with "You've come a long way, baby."

Men end up paying a fortune for specialized skincare and now makeup and nail polish. It's all the same stuff.

I don't really find it interesting or scandalizing at all that men wear make-up or nail polish. You see it in rock and roll all the time. It's the making-it-OK marketing that is so fascinating to me.


The cosmetics industry realised some time ago that they were missing out on half the market, and were overjoyed to discover that their time tested method of creating and exploiting women's insecurities worked just as well on men. I thinks it's sad. This website made my skin crawl.
2012-11-18 07:30:40 PM  
1 votes:

spaten: peachpicker: As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now

This.

It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


No, it's not that I'm not comfortable with my sexuality, it's that I wouldn't be comfortable with yours. Not to say I'm homophobic, but if someone started licking my butthole, I'd probably kick them in the face. Just because I don't want my toenails painted/like penises entering my butt does not make me a latent homosexual, it just makes me a heterosexual who is aware of what he likes and what he doesn't like...it just so happens that what I don't like (sexually) are gay acts.

It seems some dudes here are not comfortable with other people being legitimately straight.
2012-11-18 07:24:55 PM  
1 votes:
I'm sorry, am I the only one that picked up reason #3? SEX: You'll have more of it.
What? Is that a guarantee? Can I hold the company responsible if wearing their nail polish somehow doesn't get me laid?
This is the douchiest site I've seen all week. And I go to some pretty douchey sites. I'm just waiting for them to put up a line of "distinctly masculine and savage wedding dresses."

I'm a hetero dude, and I have well defined boundaries between masculine and feminine which I respect. I wouldn't be caught dead in that nail polish, because it's clearly feminine. I don't really care how others perceive me, but if I wore nail polish, I wouldn't be able to take myself seriously as a man.

If you want to wear nail polish as a dude, knock yourself out. Knowing that it's considered "girly" and doing it anyway because you want to and because you don't care about the stigma is, to me, a sign of strength. The problem I have with this site is that the underlying message isn't just "wear our nail polish because you like it," but "if you don't wear our nail polish, you're less of a man."

The implication with #3 is the perfect example. Don't wear our nail polish: get less sex.

I don't necessarily believe the inventors of this product should be shot, but I do think the people who came up with their image/ad campaign/site design should be executed without trial.
2012-11-18 07:19:27 PM  
1 votes:
The only way a guy can have painted nails and not have it gay is if his young daughter did it. You shut the hell up and let her do it. The same goes when a kid hands you a toy phone. You answer it.
2012-11-18 07:06:08 PM  
1 votes:

encyclopediaplushuman: Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay


Unfortunately, you are.
2012-11-18 07:05:46 PM  
1 votes:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.


Ironic, since the point of nail polish is to have others look at it.
2012-11-18 06:55:49 PM  
1 votes:

spaten: peachpicker: As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now

This.

It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


Idk, I have no desire to paint my boyfriend's toes. Different strokes for different folks, though - whatever makes you happy.
2012-11-18 06:41:31 PM  
1 votes:
As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now
2012-11-18 06:34:12 PM  
1 votes:

Cargo:
/straight
//I tell women I date about it
///they think it's weird but funny


Just know that when the relationship is over and she's talking about you with her girlfriends you're the "nailpolish guy".
2012-11-18 06:27:15 PM  
1 votes:

Bondith: I have a hell of a time finding a shampoo I deem "manly", since my definition eliminates pretty much every product on the market. I don't need it to moisturise, condition, demoisturise, detangle, remoisturise, volumise, or do anything else fancy. I just need it to remove the excess dirt and oil from my hair so I can be respectably clean. I really don't need it to smell like Carmen Miranda's hat in a blender or be stuffed full of unpronounceable tropical foliage.


Werd.

img543.imageshack.us
2012-11-18 06:21:20 PM  
1 votes:

Sail The Wide Accountancy: Yeah. I wore nail polish in college during my, "I think I'm David Bowie" phase. I have NEVER done as well with the ladies as I did during that phase of my life. (Of course that's half to do with just being ON a stage and playing Any type of music than the nail polish.)


That's because college-aged men and woman are:

a) stupid
b) horny

I did great with the ladies in college, and I looked like something that fell out of the Sears catalog interspersed with a severely mistaken love of Miami Vice neon. It didn't matter.
2012-11-18 06:15:33 PM  
1 votes:

LiberalEastCoastElitist: lordjupiter: Don't care about the gay/manly thing. If there's a market for it, fine, whatever. But it seems like someone's always trying to sell men on women's products by reframing it as masculine (body wash, body scrubs, nail polish, shampoo, creams, anal lube, etc)

I can see the powerpoint with the pie chart showing that heterosexual males are only 2% of the nail polish market and the marketing executives coming up with advertising campaigns to try to tap this untapped market.

/Do not approve


No, that's now how that marketing meeting went! It was more like "Half the population isn't wearing nail polish. So lets change the packaging, pay some bad-ass dudes with tattoos to endorse it, and slap babes in bikinis all over the website!"

When you tell me this is something I should buy, because I didn't know yet that I needed it? That's when I get all "not no way, not no how" about a product.
2012-11-18 06:14:56 PM  
1 votes:

encyclopediaplushuman: Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay



Yeahhhh, about that. 

www.deanmorriscards.co.uk
2012-11-18 06:11:00 PM  
1 votes:
And hell, sometimes I'll use my gf's deodorant. fark that nonsensical marketing.

/It smells good, dammit!
2012-11-18 06:07:07 PM  
1 votes:
i.chzbgr.com
2012-11-18 06:02:11 PM  
1 votes:
Gayer than 7 dudes sucking off 8 dudes.
2012-11-18 06:01:23 PM  
1 votes:
It's funny watching people get worked up over what is and what is not gender appropriate. There was a time when people freaked out even harder over women wearing bloomers, and then pants.

Of course, back in the bloomer days it was also considered perfectly normal to dress little boys and girls the same way, in dresses with long hair.

But now we've cracked the code for sure! Nail polish on men is gay!
2012-11-18 06:00:39 PM  
1 votes:
Declaring something not gay pretty much makes it gay, eh?

/even if it wasn't gay in the first place
2012-11-18 05:55:01 PM  
1 votes:
nope
lh3.googleusercontent.com
2012-11-18 05:47:16 PM  
1 votes:
This is as manly as manly gets

s16.postimage.org
2012-11-18 05:45:35 PM  
1 votes:

dorkymidgetqueen: I much prefer Manglaze. Alpha Nail is... uh how do I put this... douchey in their vibe. They take 'emselves WAY too seriously, and it's hilarous.

http://www.manglaze.com


There's nothing gay at all about a product called man glaze, nope, nothing at all.

/may as well call it baby batter
2012-11-18 05:44:33 PM  
1 votes:
Alpha Nail is technologically and biologically superior to anything on the market. Formulated with both Citral and Ginseng to strengthen and invigorate the nails down to the beds, our formula keeps nails harder and healthier.

That is clearly some high-tech shiat right there.
2012-11-18 05:43:02 PM  
1 votes:
I much prefer Manglaze. Alpha Nail is... uh how do I put this... douchey in their vibe. They take 'emselves WAY too seriously, and it's hilarous.

http://www.manglaze.com
2012-11-18 05:40:06 PM  
1 votes:
I went through a phase where I wore nail polish, and I'm a dude. Didn't make me gay.

Course, I only wore it on one nail.

And it was clear.

And I was wearing it because I had a brittle nail that kept splitting and NutriNail kept it from doing that. Painful sumbiatch.

Diet changes cured that nail issue, though.
2012-11-18 05:38:29 PM  
1 votes:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.


No, that won't ever happen. Even commenting on what other people care about is caring how those people spend their lives. Fark itself relies on this.

Also, people love to gossip.
2012-11-18 05:37:16 PM  
1 votes:
Wears Nail Polish
I'm A Guy

/currently glitter-blue
/no, i'm not gay
2012-11-18 05:34:36 PM  
1 votes:
I can see how it could help guys trying to pull off certain looks. Especially young, hip(ster) looks.

Not my thing, but I have boring (but reliable) fashion sense.


I don't get how dressing to make yourself appealing to women makes you gay, but I don't understand the macho posturing culture at all. (Okay, I actually do understand what the point is supposed to be, and I've observed enough of this kind of behavior to have a good idea of where these guys's insecurities lie, but it's still stupid.)
2012-11-18 05:33:28 PM  
1 votes:
Gay. NTTIAWWT
2012-11-18 05:30:56 PM  
1 votes:
assets.motivationalgenerator.com
2012-11-18 05:17:58 PM  
1 votes:
"EfficiencyNo self respecting man should ever have to buy cotton balls. Our acetone free wipes preserve the strengthening power of Alpha Nail, and come in a durable, easy to transport plastic round. 15 wipes per round."

Four bucks for 15 pad of nail polish remover. That's what offends me. I'll take 200 cotton balls and half a liter of acetone for $5.00 instead
2012-11-18 04:28:35 PM  
1 votes:
My son went through a goth phase in middle school. His mother freaked out over black fingernail polish. I wasn't thrilled but I saw no harm in fingernail polish.

But I nearly disgorged when I saw his painted toenails. I don't like that even on women. Just an anti-fetish of mine, I guess.
 
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