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(Some Manly Guy)   Introducing "Alpha Nail," nail polish for men that's 100% heterosexual   (alphanail.com) divider line 226
    More: Amusing, alpha  
•       •       •

10530 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2012 at 5:29 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



226 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-11-18 07:19:27 PM  
The only way a guy can have painted nails and not have it gay is if his young daughter did it. You shut the hell up and let her do it. The same goes when a kid hands you a toy phone. You answer it.
 
2012-11-18 07:22:37 PM  

robohobo: Orange-Pippin: spaten:
It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


**Sigh** So if a man doesn't let a woman paint his nails he's not "confident in his sexuality?" Sorry, but I would be completely freaked if my husband wanted me to "paint his nails out of the bath." Everyone has their own expectations and ideas. I expect a mans hands to look useful, others expect a mans hands to smell like lavender and rubbed with baby oil. Each to his own man.

Awesome hands (below) in my opinion...

[i.imgur.com image 850x566]

While I agree whole-heartedly with your sentiment, wtf is up with dude's thumbnails? Really. are those gorilla hands?



Occasionally a fingernail will get removed from labor...I lost my left thumb nail 3 times over the last 5 or so years. It regrows and everytime it looks like some kind of mutant thing from the FireFly series. Now, if it falls off (or is removed) it doesn't even hurt. I'm guessing that's what happened in that pic.
 
2012-11-18 07:24:55 PM  
I'm sorry, am I the only one that picked up reason #3? SEX: You'll have more of it.
What? Is that a guarantee? Can I hold the company responsible if wearing their nail polish somehow doesn't get me laid?
This is the douchiest site I've seen all week. And I go to some pretty douchey sites. I'm just waiting for them to put up a line of "distinctly masculine and savage wedding dresses."

I'm a hetero dude, and I have well defined boundaries between masculine and feminine which I respect. I wouldn't be caught dead in that nail polish, because it's clearly feminine. I don't really care how others perceive me, but if I wore nail polish, I wouldn't be able to take myself seriously as a man.

If you want to wear nail polish as a dude, knock yourself out. Knowing that it's considered "girly" and doing it anyway because you want to and because you don't care about the stigma is, to me, a sign of strength. The problem I have with this site is that the underlying message isn't just "wear our nail polish because you like it," but "if you don't wear our nail polish, you're less of a man."

The implication with #3 is the perfect example. Don't wear our nail polish: get less sex.

I don't necessarily believe the inventors of this product should be shot, but I do think the people who came up with their image/ad campaign/site design should be executed without trial.
 
2012-11-18 07:28:19 PM  

Orange-Pippin: robohobo: Orange-Pippin: spaten:
It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


**Sigh** So if a man doesn't let a woman paint his nails he's not "confident in his sexuality?" Sorry, but I would be completely freaked if my husband wanted me to "paint his nails out of the bath." Everyone has their own expectations and ideas. I expect a mans hands to look useful, others expect a mans hands to smell like lavender and rubbed with baby oil. Each to his own man.

Awesome hands (below) in my opinion...

[i.imgur.com image 850x566]

While I agree whole-heartedly with your sentiment, wtf is up with dude's thumbnails? Really. are those gorilla hands?


Occasionally a fingernail will get removed from labor...I lost my left thumb nail 3 times over the last 5 or so years. It regrows and everytime it looks like some kind of mutant thing from the FireFly series. Now, if it falls off (or is removed) it doesn't even hurt. I'm guessing that's what happened in that pic.


Ah. Okay, fair enough. I was really just curious.

I think I'd be more afraid of having a fingernail ripped off than breaking a bone, and I've broken more than my fair share of bones.
 
2012-11-18 07:30:40 PM  

spaten: peachpicker: As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now

This.

It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


No, it's not that I'm not comfortable with my sexuality, it's that I wouldn't be comfortable with yours. Not to say I'm homophobic, but if someone started licking my butthole, I'd probably kick them in the face. Just because I don't want my toenails painted/like penises entering my butt does not make me a latent homosexual, it just makes me a heterosexual who is aware of what he likes and what he doesn't like...it just so happens that what I don't like (sexually) are gay acts.

It seems some dudes here are not comfortable with other people being legitimately straight.
 
2012-11-18 07:30:59 PM  

swingerofbirches: It starts at birth with blue and pink baby rooms and clothes. Then boy dolls and girl dolls. Then lunch boxes with cars and some with princesses.

I can get all of that kind of.

But why do we have skincare for men and women, shampoos for men and women, razors for men and women, and now different nail polish for men? I've heard of men who won't use a skincare product if it doesn't specifically say it's for a man on it.

Virginia Slims even capitalized on the women's movement with "You've come a long way, baby."

Men end up paying a fortune for specialized skincare and now makeup and nail polish. It's all the same stuff.

I don't really find it interesting or scandalizing at all that men wear make-up or nail polish. You see it in rock and roll all the time. It's the making-it-OK marketing that is so fascinating to me.


The cosmetics industry realised some time ago that they were missing out on half the market, and were overjoyed to discover that their time tested method of creating and exploiting women's insecurities worked just as well on men. I thinks it's sad. This website made my skin crawl.
 
2012-11-18 07:31:05 PM  
Please tell me this is satire

/Please
 
2012-11-18 07:31:37 PM  

Muffin'sTop: hhahahahah roger huerta, c'mon man

this article deserves to be in the sports tab as well


At first I thought it said Rutger Hauer...
 
2012-11-18 07:33:41 PM  

PrivateCaboose: I was pretty confused when I picked up a pack of razors on sale and they were SCENTED. Because when I'm cutting the hair on my legs, I obviously prioritize purchasing a razor that smells like lavender.


Maybe their marketing research shows women are highly flexible.
 
2012-11-18 07:34:29 PM  

peachpicker: I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...


When I was in plays and had to put mascara on (yes, I know what I said upthread, it's different when it's theatre. Because it just is. Because. Stop looking at me like that), I would usually wander around helplessly holding the tube until a girl took pity on me.

Because who doesn't love having a girl gaze intently into your eyes from a short distance away?

Now that I think of it, there was a period in history where it was socially acceptable for men to wear makeup: the decadence of the French court just before the Revolution. Make of that what you will.
 
2012-11-18 07:35:46 PM  

robohobo: Orange-Pippin: robohobo: Orange-Pippin: spaten:
It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


**Sigh** So if a man doesn't let a woman paint his nails he's not "confident in his sexuality?" Sorry, but I would be completely freaked if my husband wanted me to "paint his nails out of the bath." Everyone has their own expectations and ideas. I expect a mans hands to look useful, others expect a mans hands to smell like lavender and rubbed with baby oil. Each to his own man.

Awesome hands (below) in my opinion...

[i.imgur.com image 850x566]

While I agree whole-heartedly with your sentiment, wtf is up with dude's thumbnails? Really. are those gorilla hands?


Occasionally a fingernail will get removed from labor...I lost my left thumb nail 3 times over the last 5 or so years. It regrows and everytime it looks like some kind of mutant thing from the FireFly series. Now, if it falls off (or is removed) it doesn't even hurt. I'm guessing that's what happened in that pic.

Ah. Okay, fair enough. I was really just curious.

I think I'd be more afraid of having a fingernail ripped off than breaking a bone, and I've broken more than my fair share of bones.



It usually happens really quickly. The first time it hurts pretty badly and that's when you usually see me running to my husband sobbing like a little a girl :( After that, seriously, you don't even feel it. It becomes hard-like-callous and you end up clipping it off anyway.
 
2012-11-18 07:54:33 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: One of these days we'll stop caring about how other people are living their lives.


When the sun has entered its red giant phase and all of the oceans are boiled off the earth. Thanks a lot for the depressing vision, Debbie Downer.
 
2012-11-18 07:55:44 PM  

Tuskan_Roeder: No, it's not that I'm not comfortable with my sexuality, it's that I wouldn't be comfortable with yours. Not to say I'm homophobic, but if someone started licking my butthole, I'd probably kick them in the face. Just because I don't want my toenails painted/like penises entering my butt does not make me a latent homosexual, it just makes me a heterosexual who is aware of what he likes and what he doesn't like...it just so happens that what I don't like (sexually) are gay acts.


If you don't see a distinction between painting your toenails and someone licking your butt or farking you in the ass, then please, contact your local authorities and demand to be locked up for community safety. You frequently are in the vicinity of people with painted toes, so who knows what you're going to do to them?
 
2012-11-18 07:56:54 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
All glory to the Emperor! Death to the Pink Korps!
 
2012-11-18 07:59:30 PM  

Tuskan_Roeder: The implication with #3 is the perfect example. Don't wear our nail polish: get less sex.

I don't necessarily believe the inventors of this product should be shot, but I do think the people who came up with their image/ad campaign/site design should be executed without trial.


If we executed everyone who realized that aiming a message at the libidos that men are (in)famous for being unable to ignore is a good way to manipulate us, there'd be no one left but prepubescent children.
 
2012-11-18 08:01:06 PM  
 
2012-11-18 08:06:41 PM  

PrivateCaboose: Todashy: As a straight lady typed person, I find painted nails on a man very sexy. But maybe it's just me. My first crushes were Prince and Robert Smith, so...

I personally don't find it sexy. But I like tall hairy men and I know plenty of chicks who hair guys with chest hair.


We watched Smokey and the Bandit last month and I remembered the sexiness of the 7 0's. What happened to the men with chest hair and other manly features?
 
2012-11-18 08:20:14 PM  

Orange-Pippin: robohobo: Orange-Pippin: robohobo: Orange-Pippin: spaten:
It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue


**Sigh** So if a man doesn't let a woman paint his nails he's not "confident in his sexuality?" Sorry, but I would be completely freaked if my husband wanted me to "paint his nails out of the bath." Everyone has their own expectations and ideas. I expect a mans hands to look useful, others expect a mans hands to smell like lavender and rubbed with baby oil. Each to his own man.

Awesome hands (below) in my opinion...

[i.imgur.com image 850x566]

While I agree whole-heartedly with your sentiment, wtf is up with dude's thumbnails? Really. are those gorilla hands?


Occasionally a fingernail will get removed from labor...I lost my left thumb nail 3 times over the last 5 or so years. It regrows and everytime it looks like some kind of mutant thing from the FireFly series. Now, if it falls off (or is removed) it doesn't even hurt. I'm guessing that's what happened in that pic.

Ah. Okay, fair enough. I was really just curious.

I think I'd be more afraid of having a fingernail ripped off than breaking a bone, and I've broken more than my fair share of bones.


It usually happens really quickly. The first time it hurts pretty badly and that's when you usually see me running to my husband sobbing like a little a girl :( After that, seriously, you don't even feel it. It becomes hard-like-callous and you end up clipping it off anyway.


I think that guy has Terry's nails. It's a sign of liver failure
 
2012-11-18 08:28:43 PM  
Guys....men's nail polish has been around for YEARS! This is just an upstart company trying to make it sound "new". Phhttt....get over yerselves...
 
2012-11-18 08:30:16 PM  
I go to work sometimes wearing colored nail polish. I'm beginning to think that coworkers have figured out that I'm transgender, lol.
 
2012-11-18 08:31:30 PM  

AbbeySomeone: PrivateCaboose: Todashy:
We watched Smokey and the Bandit last month and I remembered the sexiness of the 7 0's. What happened to the men with chest hair and other manly features?


I'm one of those manly 70's looking dudes (thanks, Sicilian heritage). I tried to get metrosexual for awhile, but it's really too difficult when you've got John Travolta-level chest hair and Eugene Levy eyebrows. Just going with it is better...there aren't as many women around who like it, but when you find one, they REALLY like it.

I do have long nails on one hand though (guitarist). I wouldn't mind painting the long nails, I guess. Am I gay too?
 
2012-11-18 08:45:37 PM  

PrivateCaboose: spaten: peachpicker: As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now

This.

It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue

Idk, I have no desire to paint my boyfriend's toes. Different strokes for different folks, though - whatever makes you happy.


I do my hubby's nails (hands and feet) a few times a month. Doesn't like polish but love the rest of mani-pedi. Started this routine twenty years ago when one of his beastly claws drew blood when he bumped my leg. He is one of those clean-my-nails-with-my-penknife guys otherwise.
 
2012-11-18 08:51:51 PM  
If this shiat catches on, I am moving to Nunavut.
 
2012-11-18 09:04:19 PM  
No, never, what a pain to take care of. This is why I am glad I am a guy, do not like preparing myself for public appearance. Short hair, wake up, put on clothes, go to work. How much time do these people have for all this crap?
 
2012-11-18 09:04:21 PM  

Dreamless: wildlifer: If I see a guy with nail polish, I will ask him or it, where is the rest of the outfit? You know the dress, high heels, and purse?
You want to exfoliate? Use lava soap
You need moisturizer? Rub some mineral oil into your cutting block or gun stocks.

Yeah, but you said it in your head.

/actually, not sure if serious


Very serious
 
2012-11-18 09:12:45 PM  
Oh look it another subby who is confused. (Or mabye just curious)

Heterosexuality is not the same thing as masculinity. 

i.imgur.com

Above, masculine way of doing nails, sexuality not apparent (though the barbed wire ankle tatt suggests probably gay.)
 
2012-11-18 09:20:05 PM  
Hetero nail polish is like hetero guy-on-guy fellatio.
 
2012-11-18 09:26:37 PM  

probesport: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x371]


It's how you can tell if he's in a mirrored universe.

Actually, it's just the mirror thing.
 
2012-11-18 09:27:48 PM  
This whole site wreaks of satire. And check out the video... when he goes to show you how easy it is to remove, he takes a couple swipes and it doesn't come off, then the video switches to him shadow boxing, then switches back the polish coming off (with the gauze he's using to remove it soaked black). It is hilarious.
 
2012-11-18 09:39:24 PM  

Greymalkin: Oh look it another subby who is confused. (Or mabye just curious)

Heterosexuality is not the same thing as masculinity. 

[i.imgur.com image 656x455]

Above, masculine way of doing nails, sexuality not apparent (though the barbed wire ankle tatt suggests probably gay.)


I think you could go a step further. What's disturbing (at least to me) is not that this sort of crap is "gay" or even "feminine" -- it's just foppish.

Dandies are nothing new. But they aren't exactly a sign of a healthy culture.
 
2012-11-18 09:43:48 PM  
I think I'm gonna paint my nails next week. Maybe a nice metallic deep green, or blue.
 
2012-11-18 09:51:09 PM  
oversized goof big mouth Penn Gillette does nail polish. this is the reason i will never indulge.
 
2012-11-18 09:58:44 PM  

Tuskan_Roeder: spaten: peachpicker: As a straight man in a long term monogamous relationship with a beautiful, smart and hilarious woman who paints my toenails, I find this product's marketing angle laughably silly. No one paints their nails to look tougher, you paint your nails because you like it and you don't really give a shiat what anyone else thinks about it.

I feel kinda bad for the guy in the picture painting his fingernails by himself. It's a hell of a lot more fun to let a woman do it for you. Preferably while she's wearing only a bra and panties...

/don't want my fngernails painted, only toes
//sparkly orange right now

This.

It's intimate and sexy to have a woman paint your toes, preferably naked just out of the bath.

It seems a lot of dudes are not comfortable in their sexuality.

/Not a metrosexual
//Long term relationship
//Electric blue

No, it's not that I'm not comfortable with my sexuality, it's that I wouldn't be comfortable with yours. Not to say I'm homophobic, but if someone started licking my butthole, I'd probably kick them in the face. Just because I don't want my toenails painted/like penises entering my butt does not make me a latent homosexual, it just makes me a heterosexual who is aware of what he likes and what he doesn't like...it just so happens that what I don't like (sexually) are gay acts.

It seems some dudes here are not comfortable with other people being legitimately straight.


Fine dude, My girl likes when she can fix my farked up toe nails. Too many times smashed and broken.
 
2012-11-18 10:13:33 PM  
As hetero as a football bat.
 
2012-11-18 10:16:39 PM  
Based on the pictures on the site, they are targeting the douchebagosaurus. I don't care.
 
2012-11-18 10:22:17 PM  
How is it any different then a tattoo or piercing?

Less permanent...

farking Homophobes.
 
2012-11-18 10:22:41 PM  
Meh, those colours suck.
And, it does not make one gay to wear nail polish. Just remember-
 
2012-11-18 10:24:07 PM  
wow, that cut off oddly .... time to smash this kb. Anyhow- gender specific things are fluidic- tights used to be the norm for men, and skirts were mandatory for women. ....
 
2012-11-18 10:25:11 PM  
So many people have taken one step closer to coming out in this thread.

Good for you guys!!
 
2012-11-18 10:33:11 PM  

rappy: So many people have taken one step closer to coming out in this thread.

Good for you guys!!


It would seem that you are still quite a ways away from such a thing yourself. Your constant puerile attacks reek of the mostly cliched trope of the repressed, projecting, homosexual. Some day, you'll be able to stop attacking others and accept yourself.
 
2012-11-18 10:34:24 PM  

Dreamless: rappy: So many people have taken one step closer to coming out in this thread.

Good for you guys!!

It would seem that you are still quite a ways away from such a thing yourself. Your constant puerile attacks reek of the mostly cliched trope of the repressed, projecting, homosexual. Some day, you'll be able to stop attacking others and accept yourself.


/pat
 
2012-11-18 10:39:44 PM  
My question is this - will it help me get laid?

/Cause that is all that matters!
 
2012-11-18 10:40:22 PM  

Phony_Soldier: My question is this - will it help me get laid?

/Cause that is all that matters!


Dudes will wanna f*ck your brains out
 
2012-11-18 10:40:55 PM  

Dreamless: rappy: So many people have taken one step closer to coming out in this thread.

Good for you guys!!

It would seem that you are still quite a ways away from such a thing yourself. Your constant puerile attacks reek of the mostly cliched trope of the repressed, projecting, homosexual. Some day, you'll be able to stop attacking others and accept yourself.


He does seem like he would like anal. 

His girl probably has a strap on and he takes it from her.
 
2012-11-18 10:43:46 PM  

rappy: Phony_Soldier: My question is this - will it help me get laid?

/Cause that is all that matters!

Dudes will wanna f*ck your brains out


Well, at least someone will.

/So lonely...
 
2012-11-18 10:48:13 PM  

spaten:
He does seem like he would like anal. 

His girl probably has a strap on and he takes it from her.


I mean. I'm a girl. So, there's that.
 
2012-11-18 10:52:13 PM  

rappy: spaten:
He does seem like he would like anal. 

His girl probably has a strap on and he takes it from her.

I mean. I'm a girl. So, there's that.


Sorry, didn't mean to offend you miss.
 
2012-11-18 10:53:52 PM  

LamOtter: AbbeySomeone: PrivateCaboose: Todashy:
We watched Smokey and the Bandit last month and I remembered the sexiness of the 7 0's. What happened to the men with chest hair and other manly features?

I'm one of those manly 70's looking dudes (thanks, Sicilian heritage). I tried to get metrosexual for awhile, but it's really too difficult when you've got John Travolta-level chest hair and Eugene Levy eyebrows. Just going with it is better...there aren't as many women around who like it, but when you find one, they REALLY like it.

I do have long nails on one hand though (guitarist). I wouldn't mind painting the long nails, I guess. Am I gay too?


Same here. I used to have long hair, but it has moved South for the Winter of my body. I'd bleed to death if I ever tried waxing, and laser removal would cost me a fortune. Better to accept that I'm a bald neanderthal and move on with my life.

I used to grow my pinky nails fairly long. People called it my "coke nail", but I just liked the way it looked.

Never painted my nails, but whatever floats your boat. Most women these days seem to prefer the metrosexual look
 
2012-11-18 11:08:37 PM  

Phony_Soldier: My question is this - will it help me get laid?

/Cause that is all that matters!


Well, Im trans, and mostly in guy mode, but- I do get a ton of compliments on my nails from females, so- perhaps- it can be an icebreaker. Now, soak your nails in olive oil for 10-15 minutes, towel tthem off, wash, and trim. Wash again, dry well. Have a comfy seat and take your time. best of luck

And- No! I am not joking or being sarcastic- olive oil helps the nail and you will need a comfy seat as it take me about an hour to do my nails, and I am practised at it. You will make mistakes, so have a few swabs and remover to fix errors. There are youtube videos also ....
 
2012-11-18 11:14:27 PM  
Don't use whiteout to paint your nails. Or tar.
White out is only marginally easier to remove.
 
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