sdd2000: Don't Slay That Potato
By Tom Paxton

How can you do it? It's heartless, it's cruel.
It's murder, cold-blooded, it's gross.
To slay a poor vegetable just for your stew
Or to serve with some cheese sauce on toast.
Have you no decency? Have you no shame?
Have you no conscience, you cad,
To rip that poor vegetable out of the earth
Away from it's poor mom and dad?
CHORUS:
Oh, no, don't slay that potato!
Let us be merciful, please.
Don't boil it or fry it, don't even freeze-dry it.
Don't slice it or flake it.
For God's sake, don't bake it!
Don't she'd the poor blood
Of this poor helpless spud.
That's the worst kind of thing you could do.
Oh, no, don't slay that potato
What never done nothing to you!

Why not try picking on something your size
Instead of some carrot or bean?
The peas are all trembling there in their pod
Just because you're so vicious and mean.
How would you like to be grabbed by your hair
And ruthlessly yanked from your bed
And have done to you God knows what horrible things,
To be eaten with full-fiber bread?
(CHORUS)
It's no bed of roses, this vegetable life.
You're basically stuck in the mud.
You don't get around much. You don't see the sights
When you're a carrot or celery or spud.
You're helpless when somebody's flea-bitten dog
Takes a notion to pause for relief.
Then somebody picks you and cleans you and eats you
And causes you nothing but grief.
(CHORUS)
There ought to be some way of saving our skins.
They ought to be passing a law.
Just show anybody a cute little lamb
And they'll all stand around and go "Aw!"
Well, potatoes are ugly. Potatoes are plain.
We're wrinkled and lumpy to boot.
But give me a break, kid. Do you mean to say
That you'll eat us because we're not cute?
(CHORUS



Could you all's pass the Turkey and the ribs?

*Passes the turkey to you and the ribs, along with my homemade Wasabi Mashed potatoes*

muahhahahahahaha!

WhippingBoy: mafiageek1980: How would YOU like it if I went up and started preaching to YOU about how wrong YOU are?

Go ahead, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Of course, I don't base my identity on what I do or do not eat...

You sure about that? Because the second the topic of Veganism is brought up, there's a need for some (NOT ALL) meat eaters to state how proud they are to eat meat and how we are "weird/sick" for not doing so. So yeah, Pot meet Kettle.

/My real ID is that of a Rabid LSU fan, LOL!
//Mad Hatter, baby!

This thread needs more regional pizza

rappy: uttertosh: doglover: You have to eat the food. Then it makes sense.

To make myself perfectly clear I AM NOT A VEGAN I AM A MEAT-ETARIAN. I WOULD EAT HUMAN MEAT IF I GOT THE CHANCE. (looking at you, rappy-boy, you chubby, succulent little basement piggie)

Stop writing novels, nobody f*cking cares.

Besides I'm not a boy. And it's cute that because I think being a vegan/vegetarian is a poor life choice, I must be overweight.

I think criticizing people for not eating the same food you do is a poor life choice.

/eats meat
//also enjoys vegetarian/vegan food
///has better things to do than look down my nose at people for what they do/don't eat

Tofurky is actually very good. I don't know how they do it. I probably don't want to know because it's hard to beleive the process doesn't involve carcinogens at any step of the way, but it really is tasty.

I tried Lentil loaf for the first time at an election night party. It was really, really good. I went back for seconds. The sauce it was baked in was very much like a rich pizza or lasagna sauce and it just worked.

Most of these foods are too complicated for me. They aren't going to be fun to make. And, in the end, they aren't going to taste as good as a simpler dish.

Why do articles on vegetarian cooking always include desserts? It's more complicated if a person is vegan, but if you are merely vegetarian; almost all desserts are vegetarian already. I know very few actual vegans. I know a number of vegetarians that make an effort not to eat too much butter. We don't need dessert recipes. We need tasty ways to get our zinc, B-12, and iron.

Just want to point out to the beer troll up north: yeast is a fungus. Kingdom Monera.

Looking forward to my green bean casserole. We make the cream base from scratch with soft silken tofu and nutritional yeast, and reconstituted dried shiatakes. It's profoundly good.

/suck it, Trebek

Why is "Potato & Portobello Mushroom Gratin" a main dish, while "Candied Lime Sweet Potatoes" are a side dish? Aside from color, they even look the same; thinly sliced starch tubes. This looks like a big list of side-dishes to me, some of which sound awful -- like anything made with seitan. That stuff is revolting.

CapeFearCadaver: mafiageek1980: my homemade Wasabi Mashed potatoes

Recipe? No one'll eat them but me, but I love me some mashed taters and I love me some wasabi....

Here ya go. I am making these for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom is making the turkey stuff and I am bring the Vegan stuff. So yeah, it's gonna be peaceful and awesome!

*This is from Vegetarian times magazine, feb 2002 edition, I couldn't find wasabi powder at my local HEB (I'm in Austin), so I am using both wasabi mustard and grinding up wasabi peas into the potatoes*

Wasabi Mashed Potatoes

2 lbs. Yukon gold or russet potatoes, peeled
1 Tbs. wasabi powder
⅓ to ½ cup plain soy milk, warmed
1 ½ Tbs. toasted sesame oil

Quarter potatoes and place in large saucepan with enough cold water to cover, and bring to a boil. Continue boiling until potatoes are tender when pierced with a fork, about 20 minutes.
In small bowl, combine wasabi powder and 2 Tbs. water to make a thick paste.
Drain potatoes, and mash. Stir in wasabi paste, soy milk, oil and salt to taste, mixing until smooth. Serve hot.

Subby: I'll see your Veggieducken and raise you 41 vegan-friendly Thanksgiving-themed recipes

They say that vegetarians/vegans are the douchey ones, but I think Subbys's headline has a lot of douche-factor in itself.

/troll on

WhippingBoy: mafiageek1980: For example:

Guy#1: *looks at a menu with vegan options and starts to go off on a tangent of why anyone would be stupid enough to be a vegan*
Vegan sitting nearby: Rolls eyes, tries to ignore douche
Guy#1: Continues tirade
Vegan sitting nearby: "Ya know, it's a choice. You eat meat, we don't. Not all of us are dumb". *gets up and walks away*
Guy#1: *laughs*...*sniff sniff* "Dear GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!
Vegan: *returns back to the guy* "Oh yeah, forgot to mention: If you insist on insulting us, at least do it right. That smell came from me: Vegans fart a lot"

The end.

Ooh! Ohh! Here's one:

A group of work colleagues are discussing where to go for lunch:

Guy#1: Hey, it's lunch time, where should we go for lunch?
Guy#2: I dunno... there's that new rib place that just opened up across...
Vegan: RIBS??? I'M A VEGAN!!! I CAN'T EAT MEAT!!! MEAT IS MURDER!!!!
Guy#2: Well, they have a wide selection of vegetarian entrees...
Vegan: BUT THE MEAT STEAM MAY HAVE INFECTED THEM!!! BESIDES, I'D BE FORCED TO WATCH PEOPLE EAT MEAT!!! THAT'S GROSS!!! YOUR LIFESTYLE IS WRONG AND YOU'RE GOING TO BURN IN THE UNHOLY FIRES OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!
Guy#1: Well, where do *you* suggest we eat?
Vegan: HO-CHI-MIHN'S VEGAN PALACE!!! THEY HAVE THREE DIFFERENT TYPES OF BOWLS OF GRASS ON THE MENU!!!! THAT'S THE ONLY PLACE I'LL EAT!!!! HATE CRIMES!!! HATE CRIMES!!!!
Everyone else: You know, suddenly I'm not hungry anymore...


/this is fun!

LMFAO! Good Show old man, LMFAO. You have been a worthy adversary!

FYI: Going out to eat isn't a problem for a Vegan. We could just as well go to a steakhouse and find SOMETHING we can eat. You can make a hell of a baked potato without sticking a cow's ass on it, LOL! When you are with a Vegan, we aren't going to throw a fit if the choice is not a Vegan place. If the people we dine with happen to know we are Vegan, I am the first to tell them to go wherever they want: Trust me, I will find something.

residentgeek: Just want to point out to the beer troll up north: yeast is a fungus. Kingdom Monera.

Looking forward to my green bean casserole. We make the cream base from scratch with soft silken tofu and nutritional yeast, and reconstituted dried shiatakes. It's profoundly good.

/suck it, Trebek

Not sure if you are referring to me or not, but yes, I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly. That's called RESEARCHING the beers that are before I go out.

Coco LaFemme: If all you've had is poorly prepared food, no matter what kind of food that is, it's going to taste like shiat.

My family is from Montana. My mom's idea of a super fancy meal (before she jumped on the low carb bandwagon) is spaghetti and garlic bread (so sophisticated, two carbs!!). For the longest time she would buy iceburg lettuce on sale (i.e. old) and drown it in ranch and cheese (then wonder why she couldn't lose weight) and cook vegetables into oblivion. When I gained full womanhood and learned to cook for myself and discovered that vegetables actually quite delightful when lightly cooked and retaining their bite. I reluctantly experimented growing iceburg lettuce and discovered the texture is more satisfying than potato chips when its fresh. I'm convinced alot of people's food hangups comes from eating crappy food in childhood. It's not that you don't like XYZ, it's that you're actually a budding foodie (how exciting)! That we went from victory gardens to TV dinners and fast food in less than one generation is really amazing.

/Mom also likes to bake frozen chicken drumsticks in BBQ sauce, take it out too early then finish it off in the microwave.
//And she smoked for 20 years and as a result can't taste the difference between shiat and french fries
///CSB + veggie circle jerk

WhippingBoy: residentgeek: Just want to point out to the beer troll up north: yeast is a fungus. Kingdom Monera.

And isenglass? Is that a fungus as well?

It's used in fewer and fewer breweries. Check out http://www.barnivore.com/ to be sure of any given brewery, but many excellent craft ales are on the greenlist. Isinglass is far from a necessary ingredient in brewing world-class ale.

/homebrewer
//irish moss FTW

mafiageek1980: I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly.

Hang on, vegans don't eat fungus now?

The sourdough stuffing sounded pretty good, but I couldn't stop laughing after step one:

1. Preheat oven to 3000 and arrange bread cubes on a baking sheet. Bake until bread dries slightly.

CapeFearCadaver: mafiageek1980: Wasabi Mashed Potatoes

Dude, thank you! I actually have all of those ingredients right now :)

/huge meat eater, loves some veg dishes as well
//only buy real milk 3 times a year; Thanksgiving, Christmas & Easter
///I only use soy milk
/but you'll pry my cheese and meat from my cold dead hands.....

No lie, dairy and seafood were a biatch to give up. Esp the Seafood (I'm from Baton Rouge). But I found a recipe for "cheese" that helps when I get the craving for nachos or Mac N cheese:

Cheezy Sauce, Veganomicon
This is a vegan substitute for the creamy cheese sauce you put over macs & cheese. It is from the Veganomicon cookbook.
Ingredients

2 servings vegetable broth 2 cups
8 servings nutritional yeast (3/4 cup)
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/8 tsp turmeric
1 tsp or 1 packet yellow mustard
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp thyme
1 tbsp olive oil
1/8 cup lemon juice
3 cloves garlic cloves, minced
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
Directions

Combine the broth and flour in a measuring cup and whisk with a fork until dissolved. Preheat a small saucepan over medium-low heat. Place the oil and garlic in the pan and gently cook for about 2 minutes, stirring often and being careful not to burn the garlic.
Add the thyme, salt, and pepper and cook for about 15 seconds. Add the broth, turmeric, and nutritional yeast and raise the heat to medium. Use a whisk to stir constantly. The mixture should start bubbling and thickening in about 3 minutes; if it doesn't, turn the heat a bit higher.
Once the mixture is bubbling and thickening, stir and cook for about 2 minutes. Add the lemon and mustard. The mixture should resemble a thick, melty cheese. Taste for salt (you may need more, depending on how salty your vegetable broth is). Turn off the heat, and cover the pan to keep it warm until ready to use. The top might thicken a bit while it sits, but you can just stir it and it will be fine. Serve warm.

I've done WONDERFUL things with MANY dishes by simply using this recipe! When I make Mac&Cheese, this is the recipe I use. My meat-eating family LOVES the mac and cheese I make with this recipe!

Lunaville: We don't need dessert recipes. We need tasty ways to get our zinc, B-12, and iron.

There is no vegetable item that contains B-12, you can get it only from animal sources. The normal supplements and fortified foods contain B-12 from bacterial cultures. They sometimes sell nutritional yeast or algae-based B-12 pills, but these are pretty much a scam. They either contain negligible B-12 or, more likely, are actually fortified with B-12 from the standard bacterial cultures.

CapeFearCadaver: residentgeek: Just want to point out to the beer troll up north: yeast is a fungus. Kingdom Monera.

Looking forward to my green bean casserole. We make the cream base from scratch with soft silken tofu and nutritional yeast, and reconstituted dried shiatakes. It's profoundly good.

/suck it, Trebek

:/ I just bought some half & half and actual milk for green bean casserole from scratch, with tiny portabellos... too late to change recipe but your ingredients sound reeeeeeeally yummy. I'll have to try that next month or something.

This year we're making mushroom stock the night before--I've been saving mushroom ends in a freezer bag for about 3 months now. It's going into everything. I think we're going to die of deliciousness poisoning.

#15 and a nice steak, please!

whatshisname: mafiageek1980: I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly.

Hang on, vegans don't eat fungus now?

Not so much about the Fungus as it is about the isinglass (fish bladder) that is used to make some of the beers. As residentgeek pointed out, barnivore.com is the go-to place for vegan-friendly beers.

aerojockey:

This troll attempt might be a little too heady and obscure, but I'm rooting for you.

Don't truffle with me, bro!

uttertosh: CapeFearCadaver: /but you'll pry my cheese and meat from my cold dead hands.....

ditto. I eat 99% vegan, because I'm lazy. Cooking an extra dish for myself is just too much like hard work, so I cook vegan for the 'house' and have snacks of quality cheeses, cold-cuts, etc. I also cook myself a rib-eye once a month, lest I go insane.

I only ever prepare food I like, though. Something that many anti-vegans just simply don't seem to get. Eating vegan doesn't have to be bland, yukky, or use ingredients that make you gag (i never use tofu for example).

THANK YOU! So true! I refuse to eat bland stuff! I've become a better cook since going Vegan in 2010 because I refused to eat bland crap!

mafiageek1980:
Not sure if you are referring to me or not, but yes, I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly. That's called RESEARCHING the beers that are before I go out.

Nah, there was some shlub up there going on about yeast's feelings, thus excluding all alcohol from vegans. We're cool, I don't think it was you. I'm just exercising my 'too lazy to search for it' option.

Ryker's Peninsula: The sourdough stuffing sounded pretty good, but I couldn't stop laughing after step one:

1. Preheat oven to 3000 and arrange bread cubes on a baking sheet. Bake until bread dries slightly.

LOL I can't help but imagine what would happen if you tried to bake something at 3000 degrees. Walk to the oven with baking sheet in hand, open the door, and watch as your bread cubes carbonize, the paint on the walls blackens, cracks and peels off, and your clothes and hair burst into flame.

residentgeek: mafiageek1980:
Not sure if you are referring to me or not, but yes, I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly. That's called RESEARCHING the beers that are before I go out.

Nah, there was some shlub up there going on about yeast's feelings, thus excluding all alcohol from vegans. We're cool, I don't think it was you. I'm just exercising my 'too lazy to search for it' option.

Oh ok, cool beans!

uttertosh: mafiageek1980: THANK YOU! So true! I refuse to eat bland stuff! I've become a better cook since going Vegan in 2010 because I refused to eat bland crap!

farkin A! Glad you managed to better yourself in the kitchen - Chicks dig chefs. I've been invited over to dozens of vegan parties to cook, mostly as a way to challenge the militant vegans' notion that Omnivores can only do meat and boiled-to-death veggies. I've always loved being that guy.

It's an awesome feeling! I get to use my husband as a guinea pig for some of the crazy shiat I come up with. But, he's easy to please esp if I make a recipe involving sriracha sauce, lol!

aerojockey: whatshisname: mafiageek1980: I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly.

Hang on, vegans don't eat fungus now?

Fungi and animals are both opisthokonts (they come from the same line of eukaryotes). In fact it's arguable that when animals and fungi split the opisthokonts were already showing signs of the specialization that would directly lead to multicellular organisms, and that the multicellular nature of animals and fungi is homologous. So by some very, very liberal interpretations fungi could very well be non-vegan.

Then there are the vegans who eat filter feeders (shellfish, etc), because, you know, no brain or anything, they're just sea-plants.

And now I'm reminded of the meat-rock that someone posted a few days ago.

/shudder

aerojockey: whatshisname: mafiageek1980: I am aware that not all beer is vegan-friendly.

Hang on, vegans don't eat fungus now?

Fungi and animals are both opisthokonts (they come from the same line of eukaryotes). In fact it's arguable that when animals and fungi split the opisthokonts were already showing signs of the specialization that would directly lead to multicellular organisms, and that the multicellular nature of animals and fungi is homologous. So by some very, very liberal interpretations fungi could very well be non-vegan.

It's absolutely baffling to me that vegans exist who have a problem eating single-celled organisms simply because they're in the Animal kingdom.

El_Frijole_Blanco: Some bacon and butter would make all of that stuff awesome

Oh that's easy enough. Some of the Smart Balance-brand butter is Vegan, and Bac-os are vegan. Not to mention, there are plenty of ways you can make Vegan bacon, but throwing bac-os in my recipes for a bacon crunch/taste is a hell of a lot easier, LOL!