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(Prof. Solomon)   The 12 Principles for finding lost items. Maybe now someone will find all the missing periods at the end of the Fark posts   (professorsolomon.com) divider line 84
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8874 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Nov 2012 at 12:34 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-18 09:30:38 AM  
Recycle all the extra apostrophes into periods.
 
2012-11-18 10:06:37 AM  
To this day, I have yet to understand why losing something makes me batshiat crazy. Good advice, here.
 
2012-11-18 10:14:35 AM  
A friend told me that when I lose something, I should go somewhere quiet and close my eyes and retrace what I did during the day and that I would realize where I left the item. It has worked without fail so far.
 
2012-11-18 10:19:44 AM  
The Fark spelling police are usually on this. Maybe they need a raise or more vacation days.
 
2012-11-18 10:25:51 AM  
Don't forget to check in the fridge. I can't tell you how many odd items I've eventually found there.
 
2012-11-18 10:30:18 AM  

nekom: Don't forget to check in the fridge. I can't tell you how many odd items I've eventually found there.


Just chillin'?
 
2012-11-18 10:49:46 AM  
 
2012-11-18 11:22:33 AM  
Posting here results in pregnancy?
 
2012-11-18 11:29:40 AM  
Well, it's always in the last place you look.

:-/
 
2012-11-18 11:52:29 AM  
By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?
 
2012-11-18 12:36:27 PM  

unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?


No, and last time I had to go put my contacts back in so I could find my glasses.

/I passed by them about 10 times
 
2012-11-18 12:36:31 PM  

mamoru: Well, it's always in the last place you look.

:-/


I should hope so!
 
2012-11-18 12:36:48 PM  
13. caught sayof
 
2012-11-18 12:37:37 PM  

FloydA: mamoru: Well, it's always in the last place you look.

:-/

I should hope so!


I always keep looking. You never know what you'll find.
 
2012-11-18 12:41:05 PM  

mamoru: Well, it's always in the last place you look.

:-/


Sometimes I keep looking after I find whatever it is, just to prove that wrong.
 
2012-11-18 12:42:25 PM  
img546.imageshack.us
 
2012-11-18 12:45:57 PM  

kyoryu: mamoru: Well, it's always in the last place you look.

:-/

Sometimes I keep looking after I find whatever it is, just to prove that wrong.


I'm really amused by that thought.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-11-18 12:49:09 PM  
Maybe now someone will find all the missing periods at the end of the Fark posts[.]

Once of the big SF magazines accidentally all the periods from an issue. The publisher apologized and put up a web page full of periods for customers to use.
 
2012-11-18 12:50:09 PM  
I once found a 50-inch flat screen HDTV in the middle of a forest so I'm getting a... hold on, someone at the doo,'cza
 
2012-11-18 12:54:07 PM  

St_Francis_P: nekom: Don't forget to check in the fridge. I can't tell you how many odd items I've eventually found there.

Just chillin'?


The remote. WTF was I thinking?
 
2012-11-18 12:54:25 PM  
There is nothing funny about missing periods. NOTHING!
 
2012-11-18 12:55:47 PM  
Don't own so much shait.
 
2012-11-18 12:55:58 PM  
Lost my patience to click thru a twelve page article. Wonder if the guy can help me find it.
 
2012-11-18 12:55:58 PM  
Fark mods hate periods and exclamation points
 
2012-11-18 12:56:31 PM  
I had dial-up flashbacks when I viewed the site.
 
2012-11-18 12:56:52 PM  
A comma is a quick pause. A period is a full pause. A missing period is a pregnant pause.
 
2012-11-18 12:57:22 PM  

MFAWG: St_Francis_P: nekom: Don't forget to check in the fridge. I can't tell you how many odd items I've eventually found there.

Just chillin'?

The remote. WTF was I thinking?


Done that also, was drinking though ... ( like that had to be said.)
 
2012-11-18 12:58:52 PM  
if subby is missing his periods maybe she should not have had so much unprotected sex with all those random guys you farking whore
 
2012-11-18 12:59:32 PM  
i usually hit up St.Anthony
 
2012-11-18 01:01:44 PM  

nekom: Don't forget to check in the fridge. I can't tell you how many odd items I've eventually found there.


Taxi episode: Elaine loses her apartment. Reverend Jim's advice: "Have you looked in Queens? That's where I usually find mine"
 
2012-11-18 01:08:08 PM  

thisiszombocom: if subby is missing his periods maybe she should not have had so much unprotected sex with all those random guys you farking whore


Subby is a banana slug?
 
2012-11-18 01:08:57 PM  

unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?


I always have a second pair.

/If I could just find them.
 
2012-11-18 01:09:01 PM  

manitobamadman: MFAWG: St_Francis_P: nekom: Don't forget to check in the fridge. I can't tell you how many odd items I've eventually found there.

Just chillin'?

The remote. WTF was I thinking?

Done that also, was drinking though ... ( like that had to be said.)



Well, DUH!
 
2012-11-18 01:11:53 PM  
Bought this for my mother. It's good to put "It wasn't you" as a last step and remain calm when you get to it, because if you habitually lose things, people will always blame you, no matter how many times they put your shiat in some stupid farking place and forget about it.
 
2012-11-18 01:12:36 PM  

unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?


If you have a smartphone with a camera, turn it on and hold the screen up close to your eyes.
 
2012-11-18 01:12:52 PM  

OtherBrotherDarryl: A friend told me that when I lose something, I should go somewhere quiet and close my eyes and retrace what I did during the day and that I would realize where I left the item. It has worked without fail so far.


Rather pointless if you have just orbited all day between the fridge, the Cheeto cupboard, the bathroom and the computer, all located in Mom's basement....

BTW, I love this graphic:

www.professorsolomon.com
 
2012-11-18 01:17:05 PM  
I recently went on vacation and emptied my wallet of all of my points/member cards and gift cards before I left and put them "somewhere safe." Took me a week or so after coming back to find that spot.

(I had put them in a zipper pocket of my everyday purse that I didn't bring with me.)
 
2012-11-18 01:23:33 PM  

Bedstead Polisher: I recently went on vacation and emptied my wallet of all of my points/member cards and gift cards before I left and put them "somewhere safe." Took me a week or so after coming back to find that spot.

My horror story: Did the same thing with two very high quality 14K wristwatches that I had bought on Ebay back when gold was @ $600. That was March, 2011.
Still haven't found them.

 
2012-11-18 01:24:31 PM  

Ennuipoet: This issue is covered in it's entirely by Professor Carlin in his seminal 1986 lecture.


I was a freshman in High School, and my dad asked me if I wanted to go downtown and see a show, on a school night.
I thought the whole idea was dorky and declined.
He asked if I still had the tape recorder he gave me.
Of course I did. I'd be punished if I didn't.
So he hands me a cassette and says this is the guy doing the show. You might want to listen to it after you finish your homework.
So after dinner he asks me last chance, and I decline.
Do my home work.
Pop in the cassette out of boredom (M*A*S*H was a rerun that night) and it is Carlin's 7 words you can't say on television.

Rat bastard, I miss them both.
 
2012-11-18 01:30:21 PM  
After I find something, I always look one more place, so what I found wasn't in the last place I looked.
/ Chantex thoughts
 
2012-11-18 01:39:33 PM  

vudukungfu: Ennuipoet: This issue is covered in it's entirely by Professor Carlin in his seminal 1986 lecture.

I was a freshman in High School, and my dad asked me if I wanted to go downtown and see a show, on a school night.
I thought the whole idea was dorky and declined.
He asked if I still had the tape recorder he gave me.
Of course I did. I'd be punished if I didn't.
So he hands me a cassette and says this is the guy doing the show. You might want to listen to it after you finish your homework.
So after dinner he asks me last chance, and I decline.
Do my home work.
Pop in the cassette out of boredom (M*A*S*H was a rerun that night) and it is Carlin's 7 words you can't say on television.

Rat bastard, I miss them both.


George Carlin had more impact on my life than parents, school and church combined.
 
2012-11-18 01:42:15 PM  
# 13 - look in your hand

I'm sure I'm not alone in cases where I'm doing something (fixing something, leaving the house, etc.) and I wind up looking for something (a bold, keys, etc.) that I have already found and am holding in my hand.
 
2012-11-18 01:47:41 PM  

HairBolus: # 13 - look in your hand

I'm sure I'm not alone in cases where I'm doing something (fixing something, leaving the house, etc.) and I wind up looking for something (a bold, keys, etc.) that I have already found and am holding in my hand.


I once went crazy looking for the car keys. They were in my left front pants pocket (where they are supposed to be).
 
2012-11-18 01:48:09 PM  
Always look first in the last place you look.
 
2012-11-18 01:49:48 PM  
Most of this advice is pretty much useless, but I have one reliable tip for finding something when you're looking for it (and I'm very forgetful, so I've spent a good amount of time looking for stuff.)
Tidy up.

Seriously, my grandmother taught me this, and she was bang on. The logic is as follows: if you're looking all over the place, you inevitably forget where you've looked, and double-back. In every place that you look there's some finite probability that your object is there, but when you're "just looking everywhere" you're essentially sampling with replacement.

when you tidy up while you search, you're sampling without replacement, thus incrementally increasing your probability of finding the object, by eliminating hiding places. On top of that, it relieves a certain amount of the frustration, because the effort seems more useful -even if you're not able to find what you're looking for, you're acheiving something with your time by having a tidier living space, so in either case it's not a total loss. The final benefit is that you'll probably find other things along the way that you can put in their proper place and avoid another search later on.

Seriously, if you're looking for something, tidy up. Probably the best piece of advice I've ever received.
 
2012-11-18 01:55:25 PM  

oh_please: unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?

If you have a smartphone with a camera, turn it on and hold the screen up close to your eyes.


If you have a smartphone with a camera, take a picture when you put down your glasses. Then, when you want to find your glasses, have a friend call you and follow the sound of the ringer until you find your phone and you can look at the picture.
 
2012-11-18 01:55:45 PM  

johndalek: i usually hit up St.Anthony


St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Please come down
Something is lost
And can't be found
 
2012-11-18 02:09:51 PM  
My Dad is getting forgetful in his old age but refuses to acknowledge this, so he constantly blames my Mom for losing stuff. To be fair, he's always been kind of a dick
 
2012-11-18 02:11:13 PM  
Don't follow Principle Six if you misplaced your Beetlejuice DVD.
 
2012-11-18 02:19:09 PM  
"...looking right at it..."

Me in the garage looking for the screwdriver that was just in my hand.
 
2012-11-18 02:22:36 PM  
Mitchell And Webb clip. Took me a minute to find it.
Link
 
2012-11-18 02:22:47 PM  
I hope my local search and rescue team doesn't follow this advice.
 
2012-11-18 02:30:37 PM  
#^: It is possible to look directly at a missing object and not see it. This is due to the agitated state of mind that often accompanies a misplacement. Go back and look again. It may be staring you in the face.

Years ago I was working on a physics project with a friend. We had made a brightly colored paper tetrahedron of 10 smaller tetrahedrons stacked up. It kind of looked like a funky box kite It was about 9 inches tall. It was sitting on the table with our books and notes. We left the area for a few minutes to brainstorm. I went back to get the tetrahedron, and it was gone. I gave it a pretty good look. told my friend I couldn't find it. We both returned to the table and searched for it. Looked on every chair. Looked under the table. Looked at the table edge-on. The two of us searched for several minutes, and couldn't believe it could have just disappeared. It was so bright and colorful, there was no way we were overlooking it.

Except we were. We looked again, and there it was, right where we thought it should have been in the first place. Kind of the opposite of a shared hallucination.
 
2012-11-18 02:44:06 PM  
He left out my favorite: buy a new one.
 
2012-11-18 02:46:55 PM  
Shortly after getting married(37 years ago) I missplaced my balls.
TFA did not help.Any suggestions on where to look?
 
2012-11-18 02:59:12 PM  
There's only one thing you need to do to find anything: the flank pat.
 
2012-11-18 03:20:20 PM  

Bedstead Polisher: I recently went on vacation and emptied my wallet of all of my points/member cards and gift cards before I left and put them "somewhere safe." Took me a week or so after coming back to find that spot.

(I had put them in a zipper pocket of my everyday purse that I didn't bring with me.)


"Somewhere safe" is the worst place to put important things. My father-in-law once gave us a blank check for use in an emergency. That was around 1995. We put it "somewhere safe." It has not been seen since.
 
2012-11-18 03:27:49 PM  

unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?


I have two pair, if one pair is missing, the other ones are always in the drawer in the kitchen. They can assist me in looking for the lost pair, or sub for them.
 
2012-11-18 03:34:09 PM  

crabsno termites: Bedstead Polisher: I recently went on vacation and emptied my wallet of all of my points/member cards and gift cards before I left and put them "somewhere safe." Took me a week or so after coming back to find that spot.

My horror story: Did the same thing with two very high quality 14K wristwatches that I had bought on Ebay back when gold was @ $600. That was March, 2011.
Still haven't found them.


My engagement ring :(, have even moved since and didn't find when packing :(
 
2012-11-18 03:44:34 PM  
13. It is underneath something.
14. It is on a shelf -- out of your line of sight.
15. It was stolen.
16. You (or your spouse) threw it away. Look in the recycle bin and the garbage.

/Can you tell that losing something makes me crazy?
 
2012-11-18 03:55:09 PM  
I lost my wallet the other day, this article did not help find it :(
 
2012-11-18 04:05:51 PM  
If you'd prefer to solve the problem, install security cameras. If you ever misplace something you can simply rewind the footage to a place you saw it, then watch to see what you did with it.
 
2012-11-18 04:29:02 PM  
I only use Jan Hankl's Flank Pat System to find things.
 
2012-11-18 04:34:47 PM  

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: HairBolus: # 13 - look in your hand

I'm sure I'm not alone in cases where I'm doing something (fixing something, leaving the house, etc.) and I wind up looking for something (a bold, keys, etc.) that I have already found and am holding in my hand.

I once went crazy looking for the car keys. They were in my left front pants pocket (where they are supposed to be).


I once had something to do/someplace to go, and it was important. I was running late, and got a bit flustered. I'm standing on the front porch, trying to find my farking keys, so I can lock the farking house, and I can't get my hand in my pocket to look for them and I was on the verge of pitching and why can't I get my HAND in my farking POCKET ... and I realized it was because I was holding my keys.
 
2012-11-18 04:35:36 PM  
"pitching a fit"

ruined it.
 
2012-11-18 04:37:28 PM  

AssAsInAssassin: #^: It is possible to look directly at a missing object and not see it. This is due to the agitated state of mind that often accompanies a misplacement. Go back and look again. It may be staring you in the face.

Years ago I was working on a physics project with a friend. We had made a brightly colored paper tetrahedron of 10 smaller tetrahedrons stacked up. It kind of looked like a funky box kite It was about 9 inches tall. It was sitting on the table with our books and notes. We left the area for a few minutes to brainstorm. I went back to get the tetrahedron, and it was gone. I gave it a pretty good look. told my friend I couldn't find it. We both returned to the table and searched for it. Looked on every chair. Looked under the table. Looked at the table edge-on. The two of us searched for several minutes, and couldn't believe it could have just disappeared. It was so bright and colorful, there was no way we were overlooking it.

Except we were. We looked again, and there it was, right where we thought it should have been in the first place. Kind of the opposite of a shared hallucination.


At least no one purloined your letter.
 
2012-11-18 04:39:16 PM  
I'm dealing with a small soft cooler thingy that I've been kicking around for weeks now. Had no real purpose for it and didn't feel like putting it away with the other cooler type crap.
Now today I want it for something and I can't find it anywhere. And I know damn well that in a day or two, when I don't need it any more, I'm going to trip over it.
 
2012-11-18 04:41:48 PM  
Timely article, This happened to me yesterday doing some plumbing. Searched three times, finally gave up and bought the item again. Finished the project downstairs then went upstairs for project two and set the newly purchased item down RIGHT BESIDE the "lost" item. Arrggghhh!
 
2012-11-18 04:53:26 PM  
If it was up your butt you'd know already
 
2012-11-18 05:25:30 PM  

CaptainBeer: If it was up your butt you'd know already


There it was! It was kicking field goals in there!
 
2012-11-18 05:27:17 PM  

sweet-daddy-2: Shortly after getting married(37 years ago) I missplaced my balls.
TFA did not help.Any suggestions on where to look?


Your wife keeps them in her purse.
 
2012-11-18 05:36:03 PM  

unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?


That's why I have at least two pairs lying around at all times. Sometime you need to put on glasses to find your glasses. So far haven't lost all of them at one time, yet. Yet.
 
2012-11-18 06:42:33 PM  
Talking about missing period .... as long as my gf finds hers, its all good.
 
2012-11-18 08:39:36 PM  
Returned from skiing one afternoon last year, pulled into the garage, and unplugged my iPod from the cassette adapter. When I got in the house I realized the iPod wasn't in my backpack or any pockets. Went out to the car and looked everywhere but couldn't find it. Over the next few days repeatedly searched the backpack, pockets, every nook and cranny of the car, every surface of the garage, and the patio between the garage and the house. Never saw it again.
 
2012-11-18 09:09:34 PM  

mayIFark: Talking about missing period .... as long as my gf finds hers, its all good.


Yeah, she missed it this month, but it's no big deal. it happens sometimes. After all, she missed it last month too, and nothing bad happened, right?
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2012-11-18 10:58:47 PM  
I read "Domestic Drift" as "your SO moves something from where you put it, and when you go to get it, it's gone", and it drives me farking crazy when she does that.
 
2012-11-19 12:19:04 AM  

FloydA: If you have a smartphone with a camera, take a picture when you put down your glasses. Then, when you want to find your glasses, have a friend call you and follow the sound of the ringer until you find your phone and you can look at the picture.


I just sent you an email with my phone number. Help!!!!
 
2012-11-19 12:24:19 AM  

FloydA: oh_please: unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?

If you have a smartphone with a camera, turn it on and hold the screen up close to your eyes.

If you have a smartphone with a camera, take a picture when you put down your glasses. Then, when you want to find your glasses, have a friend call you and follow the sound of the ringer until you find your phone and you can look at the picture.


Jerkwad.
 
2012-11-19 12:30:07 AM  

FNG: I read "Domestic Drift" as "your SO moves something from where you put it, and when you go to get it, it's gone", and it drives me farking crazy when she does that.


Nothing like the "I put it {xxx place} so you wouldn't lose it" discussion after you've been hunting for something for a while, thinking you must be crazy.
 
2012-11-19 07:04:29 AM  
I just wanted to give a golf clap to the subby for making me laugh this early in the morning! It took me a couple times to figure out that when I submitted some clever description that it wasn't me leaving out the period, LOL.

And if you guys think losing/misplacing stuff is bad wait until you find yourself striding purposefully out to your car with your keys in your hand and discovering that even though you remember that wherever you were going was important, you have no flipping clue where the hell you're supposed to be going. So then you have to backtrack and go through the motions of pretending to pick up your keys again to see if you can remember....

I just chalk it up to the "Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids" medical theory.
 
2012-11-19 09:24:37 AM  

unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?


I keep mine on my face. They rarely get lost there
 
2012-11-19 10:44:53 AM  
I have a "six foot rule" in the house.

Whatever it is that you lost it is within 6 feet of where you last used it or 6 feet from where it is supposed to be stored. Search that area thoroughly.
 
2012-11-19 11:43:33 AM  

Omnivorous: 16. You (or your spouse) threw it away. Look in the recycle bin and the garbage.


My kid put my keys in the garbage once. I found them in the bin on the curb roughly an hour before the truck came. That was not a pleasant search.
 
2012-11-19 12:02:22 PM  

unyon: FloydA: oh_please: unyon: By far, my most misplaced item is my glasses. Ever try to find your glasses when you don't have your glasses?

If you have a smartphone with a camera, turn it on and hold the screen up close to your eyes.

If you have a smartphone with a camera, take a picture when you put down your glasses. Then, when you want to find your glasses, have a friend call you and follow the sound of the ringer until you find your phone and you can look at the picture.

Jerkwad.


:-D
 
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