Felgraf: So, wait, I'm going to live forever then?

If I ever *have* to retire (around.. maybe 90?), I think I'd love to spend my time crafting and running a pen and paper session at a game store.

Come on, how awesome would it be to be the 100 year old Game Master? I'd probably have to put something in my will to resolve things should I expire before the campaign can be completed.

/And to my bereaved friends at the store: Rocks fall, everyone dies. No, alright, seriously, here's what happens...

...

And to my son, my dearst wife having departed, I leave my properties and assets not otherwise prescribed in this document

And lastly, to my dear friends of "Dwayne's Dice and Collectables", I leave the following:
To Farenfell the Dwarf and Alastia Cinthlenos, High Elf, thank you for the years we shared in our realm of Mira, and wish many happy adventures befall you, till at last we might meet again. In death, I elevate each of you to the godhood you sought so long, and wish only I was there to share with you the joy of its finally happening. If circumstances had but differed by a few choice rolls, this would have happened years ago, but alas, it was not in the dice.
To Merrymel, Gnomeish Beastrider, and his "Dire Turkey" Beloxis, I leave only scorn. I have tried for years to kill you, and that I have died before succeeding in this task fills me with a regret few men will ever know. Your infernal luck with dice I could ascribe only to the most heinous of cheating, if I had not prohibited your use of any but my own dice years ago. Know that your survival in being dropped alone into the ninth layer of the deepest of twelve hells was a great personal affront, and took such from my spirit that before it was the last year of good health that I can remember. Your annoying antics, cryptic and perversely lacking sense of humor, but mostly your unending squeaking imitation of your avatars voice filled me, through these long years, with near crippling anxiety leading to each weeks session. I don't know how Farenfell and Alastia managed their unaffected nature in your presence. Enduring you has certainly led to whatever grave I lay in during this reading, whether it be by the gods or my own reprieving hand I cannot say, but so long as my long agony is done, so be it. Merrymel, you and your "steed" were unfortunate enough to be standing in Mira when a wizard, dabbling in things he ought not, as wizards are wont, opened a portal into the Prime Material Plane. In a blast of unmatched energy, all of Mira, out to the very stars in the heavens above, has perished, that you might die with it. There is no save allowed. Farenfell and Alastia, pray do not begrudge me the loss of your birth realm. Your godhoods attained, all of the realms are yours to do with as you will.

Goodbye my friends, I know it must pain all of you that my orders were for this reading to occur a month after my death, but I had my reasons for leaving you in ignorance. Specifically, I've had a dead man's switch active for years. Each month, it required my private code, else a large sum be released to an interested third party. While I did not wish to burden my family with this in life, but in death, Merrymel, you shall finally get what you deserve you bastard.

Already he moves.

Who the FARK is Chad Brooks anyway?
King of Cheese D- - K?
"While many of the adult children of the elderly consumers examined in the study were of the opinion blah blah blah Sad you aren't a human or a citizen or patient or some other relatively un-offensive euphemism for elderly crotchety fart NOW you're a consumer -
"Everybody ages, you can't stop that," Barnhart said." Yes I can, just stand right there while I re-load.

Business article focused on really farking old people being able to drive to Williams - Sonoma and use their credit card before stopping at Pier 1.

Invalid article - written and reported by wankers.
Chad - freaking hipsters- Chad who the fark names their kid chad, Florida wants to know.

JackieRabbit: There is another word for these old people's attitude: denial. Some people just can't accept that they are old and will eventually die.

scanman61: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

Get your testosterone checked.

I agree. Get your testosterone checked. And you may be suffering from depression, which can be a manifestation of low testosterone. Heritable hair loss is gradual. Hair loss of sudden onset (alopecia) indicates something is wrong.

And if you aren't an outside person consider taking Vitamin D supplements. Vitamin D affects energy and testosterone levels. I just got diagnosed with very low Vitamin D and low testosterone. I'm taking both as supplements now but I've had to cut back on the testosterone. It felt like I was crapping a cactus every time I went to the bathroom. Sorry, TMI, I know.

Obama's been on my lawn. I can just tell.

It has more to do with when you have more than one kid.

I hope that a lawn is something that never becomes important to me.