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(Yahoo)   Study shows "old age" has less to do with how many spins around the sun you have, and more to do with when you start feeling the urge to defend your lawn   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 67
    More: Obvious, Stop Shopping, Michelle Barnhart, Journal of Consumer Research, private bills, sense of wonder, good citizen, consumer researches, Oregon State University  
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7687 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2012 at 3:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-15 02:34:58 PM
Hey, better to be old than one of the jerk-offs who think you're a grown-up and so much better than everyone else just because you spit out an unremarkable kid and stopped having fun and living your life.

Besides, old people can do pretty much whatever the fark they want.
 
2012-11-15 03:14:33 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Hey, better to be old than one of the jerk-offs who think you're a grown-up and so much better than everyone else just because you spit out an unremarkable kid and stopped having fun and living your life.

Besides, old people can do pretty much whatever the fark they want.


Possibly saluting in this picture?

assets.nydailynews.com
 
2012-11-15 03:15:23 PM
I hope that a lawn is something that never becomes important to me.
 
2012-11-15 03:16:58 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Hey, better to be old than one of the jerk-offs who think you're a grown-up and so much better than everyone else just because you spit out an unremarkable kid and stopped having fun and living your life.

Besides, old people can do pretty much whatever the fark they want.


You were a pretty unremarkable kid weren't you.

Aww, perhaps that harmed your self esteem. Good effort!
 
2012-11-15 03:17:41 PM
68 year old here...and what were we talking about????

/is Matlock on yet?
 
2012-11-15 03:18:06 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Hey, better to be old than one of the jerk-offs who think you're a grown-up and so much better than everyone else just because you spit out an unremarkable kid and stopped having fun and living your life.

Besides, old people can do pretty much whatever the fark they want.


you sound old
&
lonely
 
2012-11-15 03:18:57 PM
It has more to do with when you have more than one kid.
 
2012-11-15 03:21:18 PM
So you're only old when you feel old? I don't give a shiat - you still need to pass a driver's exam to drive, whether you're 16 or 86.
 
2012-11-15 03:21:33 PM

Nightsweat: It has more to do with when you have more than one kid.


So they can cut, water and trim it while I sit there and tell everyone else to get off of it?

Sounds like a plan.
 
2012-11-15 03:23:13 PM
When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.
 
2012-11-15 03:25:40 PM
Obama's been on my lawn. I can just tell.
 
2012-11-15 03:26:08 PM
There's a lot of doctors that tell me I'd better start slowing it down
But there's more old drunks than there are old doctors
So I guess we'd better have another round
 
2012-11-15 03:27:04 PM
stay the fark off it.
 
2012-11-15 03:27:35 PM
WHAT ABOUT ACCESSORIZING WITH ONIONS? DO ONIONS COUNT?

*adjusts belt*
JC
 
2012-11-15 03:29:04 PM
I'm thirty, but I'm a grouchy, cantankerous thirty. My body hurts. I'm losing touch with the latest fads. Teenagers all look like troublemakers. Their music sucks. I don't give a crap about my lawn, but I would prefer that you observe and respect my property lines. I'll probably die of congestive heart failure in about 15 years.
 
2012-11-15 03:29:28 PM
Well, shiat then. I started chasing hoodlums off my lawn when I bought my first house at 31.
 
2012-11-15 03:30:21 PM
You're only as old as your back feels.
 
2012-11-15 03:31:09 PM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.


Get your testosterone checked.
 
2012-11-15 03:32:22 PM

Nightsweat: It has more to do with when you have more than one kid.


That was when it really started to hit me too
 
2012-11-15 03:32:37 PM
But I LIKE spinning around the sun! WHEEE!

/Not old
//Stunningly, not high either
///Migraines. You will feel like you're on drugs. IT'S SO MUCH FUN.
 
2012-11-15 03:32:42 PM
When You Stop Shopping? I've hated shopping my entire life. Does that mean I've been old since birth?
 
2012-11-15 03:34:42 PM
I'll turn 50 in early January. Doesn't mean a goddamn thing to me.
 
2012-11-15 03:37:22 PM
There is another word for these old people's attitude: denial. Some people just can't accept that they are old and will eventually die.

scanman61: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

Get your testosterone checked.


I agree. Get your testosterone checked. And you may be suffering from depression, which can be a manifestation of low testosterone. Heritable hair loss is gradual. Hair loss of sudden onset (alopecia) indicates something is wrong.
 
2012-11-15 03:38:36 PM

Nightsweat: It has more to do with when you have more than one kid.


I made this same observation (about others) at a relatively young age. That's why Mrs_Fab and I stopped at one kid.

Seriously, marrying her and stopping at only one kid were the two smartest things I've ever done in my whole damn life.
 
2012-11-15 03:39:14 PM
That feel when the ratio of contemporary musicians/actors older than you and younger than you starts to reach equilibrium and slowly slide the other way :(
 
2012-11-15 03:40:21 PM
So, wait, I'm going to live forever then?

If I ever *have* to retire (around.. maybe 90?), I think I'd love to spend my time crafting and running a pen and paper session at a game store.

Come on, how awesome would it be to be the 100 year old Game Master? I'd probably have to put something in my will to resolve things should I expire before the campaign can be completed.

/And to my bereaved friends at the store: Rocks fall, everyone dies. No, alright, seriously, here's what happens...
 
2012-11-15 03:42:20 PM

Private_Citizen: You're only as old as your back feels.


I think you might be right. I am a lucky guy with no aches or pains and feel about 24. But I have friends my age with chronic back pain and they almost curse their age. Definitely curse their bodies. On my 36th birthday some people asked me if I feel old and all the cliche stuff. I said "Nope. I feel great. Better than the alternative."

Got a couple weird looks.

I also think having kids has helped me stay feeling younger. Blocks and legos and drawing and painting and other games. Super fun.

/has a nice lawn but we can play frisbee or catch or whatever you want...just watch for the dog poop. I try to get it all but it never fails to miss one.
//lucky
 
2012-11-15 03:52:34 PM

Nightsweat: It has more to do with when you have more than one kid.


It certainly accelerates the process, but I think it has more to do with those little epiphanies. Such as when you were in high school in the 80s and you saw films about things like the Cuban Missile Crisis, and thought that was ancient history. Then you realize that more time has elapsed between when "The Joshua Tree" came out and now, than elapsed between the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis and the release of "The Joshua Tree". Or when you realize that the Soviet Union officially ceased to exist over 20 years ago. Or when you realize that we're approaching the 10-year anniversary of the Iraq War.
 
2012-11-15 03:52:41 PM
Some random recent anecdotes that may or may not be relevant to the topic:

I recently went to help my 90+ year-old grandma and my late-60's aunt move up to Delaware, and one thing that struck me (as it always does) is that grandma is not going to stop doing stuff for herself until she is unable to physically do it whatever the cost to herself. As in "Grandma, will you please stop trying to move stuff and let us help?!?!"

Much of that is A) she's still pretty fit, I *might* be able to take her in a bar fight but wouldn't bet on it, and more important I think B) she's lived through a lot of hard times where it was very, very important to be able to fend for oneself.

Today I heard a guest on the Kojo Nnamdi Show discussing walkable cities talking about how a lot of seniors think of having a driver's license as equivalent to being a citizen anymore. You give that up, you lose your independence and admit failure.

Also today, I was talking with my mom about generational attitudes and "the young 'uns," and she made the point (as she has many times) "Yeah, but you were *always* old... You looked like a burned-out grad student when you were in high school!"

Gee, thanks, mom!

So GOML.
 
2012-11-15 03:53:51 PM

JackieRabbit: There is another word for these old people's attitude: denial. Some people just can't accept that they are old and will eventually die.

scanman61: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

Get your testosterone checked.

I agree. Get your testosterone checked. And you may be suffering from depression, which can be a manifestation of low testosterone. Heritable hair loss is gradual. Hair loss of sudden onset (alopecia) indicates something is wrong.


Thanks for the advice. I have been depressed for many years, so nothing new there. Although I suppose I am probably more depressed now than I ever have been so maybe that could be a factor. But I thoughthigh testosterone causes balding, not low testosterone?
 
2012-11-15 03:55:29 PM
I"m not old, I'm crotchety. Been that way since I was 24.
 
2012-11-15 03:56:35 PM
i must be ancient.
 
2012-11-15 03:58:01 PM
A few years back my now 83-year-old dad made the comment to me "I don't really feel old". He heads the grounds committee at his retirement community (my Mom is one of the bookkeepers), does volunteer cataloguing at the Chemical Heritage Foundation and the two of them have traveled hundreds of thousands of miles in the past ten years, visiting every continent. Their latest thing is working with some group (forget the name) that has them come in as english tutors for high school kids for a few weeks at a time in various countries- they got back from Poland a few months ago.

Are they slowing down? Yes- my sister and I can see that. But honestly they're more active than most people half their age. Keep trucking along there dad- you're the best indication for how I'm going to do when I start to geez. I'm going to be (well, already am) a crotchety old bastard, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit around and turn into a lump
 
2012-11-15 03:58:44 PM
You are old, according to American lights, when people start calling you "sir" or "ma'am" and you can no longer score someone you'd actually want to have sex with.
 
2012-11-15 04:00:13 PM

Mr_Fabulous: I'll turn 50 in early January. Doesn't mean a goddamn thing to me.


My friends mom just turned 50. She looks mid-30's, acts mid-20's. Skinny with big C cups. If you take care of yourself, 50's are the new 30's.
 
2012-11-15 04:02:16 PM
And if one will never have a lawn then they can pursue immortality?
 
2012-11-15 04:04:19 PM

JackieRabbit: There is another word for these old people's attitude: denial. Some people just can't accept that they are old and will eventually die.

scanman61: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

Get your testosterone checked.

I agree. Get your testosterone checked. And you may be suffering from depression, which can be a manifestation of low testosterone. Heritable hair loss is gradual. Hair loss of sudden onset (alopecia) indicates something is wrong.


And if you aren't an outside person consider taking Vitamin D supplements. Vitamin D affects energy and testosterone levels. I just got diagnosed with very low Vitamin D and low testosterone. I'm taking both as supplements now but I've had to cut back on the testosterone. It felt like I was crapping a cactus every time I went to the bathroom. Sorry, TMI, I know.
 
2012-11-15 04:04:35 PM
I will be 59 on Saturday. Having my son late (36) has kept me young, but a lot of years in the steel mill have taken its toll. Mentally I am "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!?" but my body says "WTF are you trying to do to me?" But I don't let it slow me down. I can still get my groove on with the best of them.



did get a few weird looks when I saw Rammstein in May like "what is this old broad doing here?" lol but at least I knew the words.
 
2012-11-15 04:08:02 PM
You are old when the girls at the bar start looking right through you. No wait...that just means you are poor.
 
2012-11-15 04:09:47 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: My friends mom just turned 50. She looks mid-30's, acts mid-20's. Skinny with big C cups. If you take care of yourself, 50's are the new 30's.




Pix.

Now.
 
2012-11-15 04:12:30 PM

Harvey Manfrenjensenjen: It certainly accelerates the process, but I think it has more to do with those little epiphanies. Such as when you were in high school in the 80s and you saw films about things like the Cuban Missile Crisis, and thought that was ancient history. Then you realize that more time has elapsed between when "The Joshua Tree" came out and now, than elapsed between the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis and the release of "The Joshua Tree". Or when you realize that the Soviet Union officially ceased to exist over 20 years ago. Or when you realize that we're approaching the 10-year anniversary of the Iraq War.


Here's one that I was thinking about. 9/11 was over 11 years ago now. That fact is a little bit "huh, I'm starting to get old"-inducing, but what's more interesting to me is to think about what it means for, say, this year's college freshmen class. 11 years ago, they'd have been in 2st grade. I'm not sure exactly what the range of common cutoffs is, but I get the feeling a lot of parents tried to isolate younger kids from the news at the time. I can believe that for many of them, 2nd grade would have been below that cutoff. Even for kids who did know what was going on, I'd guess that their memory is not as vivid as us older folks.

We may not yet be to where you could say that most college freshmen don't have strong memories of 9/11... but we're not that far away either.
 
2012-11-15 04:17:19 PM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: JackieRabbit: There is another word for these old people's attitude: denial. Some people just can't accept that they are old and will eventually die.

scanman61: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

Get your testosterone checked.

I agree. Get your testosterone checked. And you may be suffering from depression, which can be a manifestation of low testosterone. Heritable hair loss is gradual. Hair loss of sudden onset (alopecia) indicates something is wrong.

Thanks for the advice. I have been depressed for many years, so nothing new there. Although I suppose I am probably more depressed now than I ever have been so maybe that could be a factor. But I thoughthigh testosterone causes balding, not low testosterone?


The high testosterone/hair loss thing is a myth. It springs from the equally mythical "bald men are more virile". When testosterone goes too low, the symptoms include body aches and pains, increased abdominal fat, low libido, erectile dysfunction, depression, lack of energy, loss of muscle mass and tone, sleep disorders, hair loss or thinning on both the body and the head, dry skin, sweating, difficulty concentrating, and memory problems. Not everyone has all the symptoms and they may be gradual in onset.

Testosterone production peeks in the mid to late 20s and then begins to decline at a rate of about 10%/year (it's variable). Usually noticeable effects don't start until the late 40s or 50s. But there are a number of disorders and conditions that can cause testicular function to decline prematurely. Excessive alcohol use is one of these.
 
2012-11-15 04:24:14 PM

smimmy: JackieRabbit: There is another word for these old people's attitude: denial. Some people just can't accept that they are old and will eventually die.

scanman61: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

Get your testosterone checked.

I agree. Get your testosterone checked. And you may be suffering from depression, which can be a manifestation of low testosterone. Heritable hair loss is gradual. Hair loss of sudden onset (alopecia) indicates something is wrong.

And if you aren't an outside person consider taking Vitamin D supplements. Vitamin D affects energy and testosterone levels. I just got diagnosed with very low Vitamin D and low testosterone. I'm taking both as supplements now but I've had to cut back on the testosterone. It felt like I was crapping a cactus every time I went to the bathroom. Sorry, TMI, I know.


The doc put me on Depo-T about six months ago, haven't felt this good in years.

If you aren't scared of needles go with the injectable testosterone. It's the cheapest and most effective way to go.
 
2012-11-15 04:24:35 PM

evaned: We may not yet be to where you could say that most college freshmen don't have strong memories of 9/11... but we're not that far away either.


NEVAR FERGIT!!!
 
2012-11-15 04:26:28 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Hey, better to be old than one of the jerk-offs who think you're a grown-up and so much better than everyone else just because you spit out an unremarkable kid and stopped having fun and living your life.

Besides, old people can do pretty much whatever the fark they want.


Very well said!
 
2012-11-15 04:27:04 PM
I actually like being old so far... I've sort of spent my whole life growing in to it. I'm absurdly lucky in one aspect in that physically I don't have anything to complain about too much, my body doesn't give me any more grief than it ever did and physically I'm probably in better shape than I have been since my teens. But that's dumb-luck genetics.

But now I've learned a lot, experienced a lot, make more money, have had relationships / sex beyond what I had ever imagined, have traveled, learned compassion, become (hopefully) less of a prick, and have generally tried to stock my mind and soul with interesting and useful stuff. It's probably all downhill from here and I can certainly understand the terror of age and all that it brings... I don't want to lose what I worked for. But I don't mind being where I am right now.

BolshyGreatYarblocks:

You are old, according to American lights, when people start calling you "sir" or "ma'am" and you can no longer score someone you'd actually want to have sex with.

Well, that first part would fit... When I was in my 20's it was a running joke with my contemporaries when we'd go out to dinner that the waiter / waitress would address everyone else casually and then ask me "and what would you like, Sir?"

So far so good on the latter point.

/ and one of the advantages of being old is that I know where your handle came from.
 
2012-11-15 04:32:07 PM
I picked myself to die at 27 of some sort of combination of booze, cigarettes, lack of sleep and cancer. Five years later I'm still here, but I think the anger, spite and general discontent with things is fueling and sustaining my body to piss off everyone else.
 
2012-11-15 04:40:55 PM
Who the FARK is Chad Brooks anyway?
King of Cheese D- - K?
"While many of the adult children of the elderly consumers examined in the study were of the opinion blah blah blah Sad you aren't a human or a citizen or patient or some other relatively un-offensive euphemism for elderly crotchety fart NOW you're a consumer -
"Everybody ages, you can't stop that," Barnhart said." Yes I can, just stand right there while I re-load.

Business article focused on really farking old people being able to drive to Williams - Sonoma and use their credit card before stopping at Pier 1.

Invalid article - written and reported by wankers.
Chad - freaking hipsters- Chad who the fark names their kid chad, Florida wants to know.
 
2012-11-15 04:42:28 PM
Langdon Alger:

I picked myself to die at 27 of some sort of combination of booze, cigarettes, lack of sleep and cancer. Five years later I'm still here, but I think the anger, spite and general discontent with things is fueling and sustaining my body to piss off everyone else.

I used to say the only things keeping me around was humor and sheer pissiness.
 
2012-11-15 04:53:39 PM

Private_Citizen: You're only as old as your back feels.


I am 37 and I play video games 2 hours a day during the week and 4-6 hours a day on the weekends. I like to play practical jokes on random strangers. Like when some random Indian (dot) guy wasgoing into a resturant in front of me gave his name, I saw him on the way out and got him to admit he knew me.
"Hey! Mr Patel! How've you been?"
*quizzical look*
"It's me, Ryan!"
*shakes hand*
"I haven't seen you in a while"
'Oh....uh yes. I've been busy.'
"You remember me, right? From the store?"
'Oh, yes. yes.'
As he left he was confused as hell.

So I feel young in that aspect, but my back hurts like hell. Maybe Vicodin helps keep you young?
 
2012-11-15 04:54:53 PM
A good example of this is an 80-year old man running a marathon, but a fat-ass teenager too lazy to reach the remote one cushion over.
 
2012-11-15 04:56:14 PM

MythDragon: Private_Citizen: You're only as old as your back feels.

I am 37 and I play video games 2 hours a day during the week and 4-6 hours a day on the weekends. I like to play practical jokes on random strangers. Like when some random Indian (dot) guy wasgoing into a resturant in front of me gave his name, I saw him on the way out and got him to admit he knew me.
"Hey! Mr Patel! How've you been?"
*quizzical look*
"It's me, Ryan!"
*shakes hand*
"I haven't seen you in a while"
'Oh....uh yes. I've been busy.'
"You remember me, right? From the store?"
'Oh, yes. yes.'
As he left he was confused as hell.

So I feel young in that aspect, but my back hurts like hell. Maybe Vicodin helps keep you youngracist?


You win
 
2012-11-15 04:59:22 PM
I'm 35 and one of my best friends is 26. Her body is falling to pieces. Literally everything that could go wrong with a human has or is happening to her. She's like an 80 year old.

/makes me feel young
//would feel that way anyway
 
2012-11-15 05:05:04 PM
I'll be 53 Dec 27. Well, I rarely get birthday presents. My sons are 33 and 30. A coupla New Years ago I was sitting with a young lady in a bar. I said to her that my problem is that I was born long, long ago. She replied with the question "So who has surpassed you?"

My younger son tells me I am only as old as my youngest gf. By that metric, well I don't wanna brag.

I still can win playing the whites and earn a draw playing the blacks against the machine-taught twentysomethings down at the Uni. I still acquit myself decently on the bike trail against them as well.

For me, by-and-large, this adventure of living has become ever more enjoyable. Being able to grasp my own unimportance has really helped.

SO has both kinds of nasty arthritis and is being investigated for Parkinson's. Many of my friends are dead and many that remain are a little crippled somehow. I do have a little 'survivors guilt' and life is a little bit weird now. . .
 
2012-11-15 05:16:52 PM
I am 62 and can still dunk a basketball. I will be old when I can't do that anymore. I am rather tall, so it won't be for a while.
 
2012-11-15 05:19:44 PM

evaned:
We may not yet be to where you could say that most college freshmen don't have strong memories of 9/11... but we're not that far away either.



That's ok they'll still get a chance to fight in that war.
 
das
2012-11-15 05:21:23 PM
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was???

SP
 
2012-11-15 05:34:33 PM

genner: evaned:
We may not yet be to where you could say that most college freshmen don't have strong memories of 9/11... but we're not that far away either.


That's ok they'll still get a chance to fight in that war.


Delicious Onion

/You know, for belts
 
2012-11-15 05:42:04 PM

Point02GPA: 68 year old here...and what were we talking about????

/is Matlock on yet?


How old did you say you are?

How old did you say you are?

How . . .
 
2012-11-15 05:43:29 PM
I pride myself on coming from a long line of crazy old people. Both in the "Damn, that lady is CRAZY old" sense and the "Damn, that lady is pretty crazy" sense.

My grandmother used to refer to "that old woman next door" and cheered when said "old woman" was escorted back home by the police after getting involved in some drama on their street. She had decided that this neighbor (another old Irish bird) was her mortal enemy, to be mocked and derided at every opportunity. My Grandmother was 99 at the time, and her neighbor was 101. Ridic.

Grandma's greatest hits:

At 95 yrs old, upon picking up my Mom's call after a second attempt to reach her (Mom was SURE she was dead):
GM: "What do you want?"
M: "Um, to talk to you (aka make sure you weren't dead). Why didn't you answer the first time?"
GM: "I was on a ladder."
M: "What were you doing on a ladder?!?!"
GM: "Painting the ceiling. What else would I be doing?"

Other hits:
GM: "I am going to get a new car. Imagine, me...in a brand new car!"
M: "You can't see and you don't have a license anymore."
GM: "So what? If I run someone over, I'll just drag it out in court until I'm dead. Man, I would really enjoy a new car."

GM: "I tried to get myself declared legally blind. Apparently the State of NY gives you free cab rides if you're blind."
- - 2 months later - -
GM: "Damn...I'm not blind enough. Sons of biatches..."
 
2012-11-15 06:30:13 PM

Felgraf: So, wait, I'm going to live forever then?

If I ever *have* to retire (around.. maybe 90?), I think I'd love to spend my time crafting and running a pen and paper session at a game store.

Come on, how awesome would it be to be the 100 year old Game Master? I'd probably have to put something in my will to resolve things should I expire before the campaign can be completed.

/And to my bereaved friends at the store: Rocks fall, everyone dies. No, alright, seriously, here's what happens...



...

And to my son, my dearst wife having departed, I leave my properties and assets not otherwise prescribed in this document

And lastly, to my dear friends of "Dwayne's Dice and Collectables", I leave the following:
To Farenfell the Dwarf and Alastia Cinthlenos, High Elf, thank you for the years we shared in our realm of Mira, and wish many happy adventures befall you, till at last we might meet again. In death, I elevate each of you to the godhood you sought so long, and wish only I was there to share with you the joy of its finally happening. If circumstances had but differed by a few choice rolls, this would have happened years ago, but alas, it was not in the dice.
To Merrymel, Gnomeish Beastrider, and his "Dire Turkey" Beloxis, I leave only scorn. I have tried for years to kill you, and that I have died before succeeding in this task fills me with a regret few men will ever know. Your infernal luck with dice I could ascribe only to the most heinous of cheating, if I had not prohibited your use of any but my own dice years ago. Know that your survival in being dropped alone into the ninth layer of the deepest of twelve hells was a great personal affront, and took such from my spirit that before it was the last year of good health that I can remember. Your annoying antics, cryptic and perversely lacking sense of humor, but mostly your unending squeaking imitation of your avatars voice filled me, through these long years, with near crippling anxiety leading to each weeks session. I don't know how Farenfell and Alastia managed their unaffected nature in your presence. Enduring you has certainly led to whatever grave I lay in during this reading, whether it be by the gods or my own reprieving hand I cannot say, but so long as my long agony is done, so be it. Merrymel, you and your "steed" were unfortunate enough to be standing in Mira when a wizard, dabbling in things he ought not, as wizards are wont, opened a portal into the Prime Material Plane. In a blast of unmatched energy, all of Mira, out to the very stars in the heavens above, has perished, that you might die with it. There is no save allowed. Farenfell and Alastia, pray do not begrudge me the loss of your birth realm. Your godhoods attained, all of the realms are yours to do with as you will.

Goodbye my friends, I know it must pain all of you that my orders were for this reading to occur a month after my death, but I had my reasons for leaving you in ignorance. Specifically, I've had a dead man's switch active for years. Each month, it required my private code, else a large sum be released to an interested third party. While I did not wish to burden my family with this in life, but in death, Merrymel, you shall finally get what you deserve you bastard.

Already he moves.
 
2012-11-15 06:45:48 PM

SueDisco: I'm 35 and one of my best friends is 26. Her body is falling to pieces. Literally everything that could go wrong with a human has or is happening to her. She's like an 80 year old.

/makes me feel young
//would feel that way anyway


It almost sounds like you're happy about her situation.
 
2012-11-15 06:54:06 PM
Does this mean that if I fap myself instead of having a hottie do it for me I'll stay young?
 
2012-11-15 07:55:55 PM

The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.


yesterday you were leaning toward suicidal thought, today you only regret not getting into the marriage that would have led to a miserable divorce. you're making excellent progress and i'm very proud of you.

PS: my eldest sister will be 60 in a few months. she dates more now than when she was in HS or college. it's all up to you pooh bear. life is what you make it. how you spend your days is how you spend your life. get up, get out and get down.
 
2012-11-15 08:25:11 PM

KrispyKritter: The Ghost of Tom Ace: When I turned 30, I felt like I was healthier than I ever been and quite happy that I never got married in my twenties. There was so much more fun to be had. But then I started losing my hair a few months ago and now I feel like I'm in my fifties and my self esteem is at an all time low, progressively getting worse each day. Women won't talk to me and I don't have the courage to talk to them anymore. I should have gotten married when I had the chance.

yesterday you were leaning toward suicidal thought, today you only regret not getting into the marriage that would have led to a miserable divorce. you're making excellent progress and i'm very proud of you.

PS: my eldest sister will be 60 in a few months. she dates more now than when she was in HS or college. it's all up to you pooh bear. life is what you make it. how you spend your days is how you spend your life. get up, get out and get down.


I appreciate your sentiment. :) Though I can't say I won't someday do it, some days are better than others. Reading through your bio, I gotta tell you that I'm sad to hear the situation at home and I hope things get better for everyone.
 
2012-11-15 09:19:32 PM
Most of my relatives had all their marbles to the end, so I am hopeful that there will be another interesting book to read no matter how old I get.
 
2012-11-16 12:30:47 AM
Old Age begins when you no longer have working receptors to react to a young lady's pheromone output
 
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