Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CBS DC)   Dog owners are "devocalizing" their dogs to curtail the pets from barking. Some people have a problem with this   ( divider line
    More: Obvious, American Veterinary Medical Association, pets  
•       •       •

5014 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2012 at 8:31 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-11-14 08:48:46 AM  
19 votes:
We were looking in to this. My neighbor is complaining about my dogs. They're just three doxies who learned to bark at everything. But I can't seem find a reputable vet who will cut out the vocal chords of my neighbor.

The one guy that I found wanted the patient's permission to perform the operations. I brought him in unconscious. Now you want me to wake him up. Chloroform doesn't grow on trees, Doc. The guy on Craigslist wasn't really a vet but agreed to make a house call. Too bad we were outside the range of his ankle bracelet.
2012-11-14 08:44:55 AM  
4 votes:

RatMaster999: Can we do this to children, too?

No, we should get to hear children scream in pain when their anti-bark collar shocks them.
2012-11-14 08:37:55 AM  
4 votes:
Can we do this to children, too?
2012-11-14 08:39:09 AM  
3 votes:
How will Lassie save Timmy from the quicksand?
2012-11-14 08:38:27 AM  
3 votes:
Glenn Beck debarked a cocker spaniel sometime in the 90's.
2012-11-14 08:35:33 AM  
3 votes:
In Before someone else posts :

/wait, if you say "in before" but then post something relevant, isn't that at the same time so it can't be "in before" so you fail??
2012-11-14 04:02:53 PM  
2 votes:

nonvideas: But circumcision is just farking fine, right?


I needed to circumcise my dog so he could have a bark-mitvah.
2012-11-14 10:51:12 AM  
2 votes:

I May Be Crazy But...: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: StashMonster: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: abhorrent1: Yeah, that's not a nice thing to do to the poor puppies. declawing cats is still okay though.

Indoor cats, sure. Cat doesn't get yelled at for destroying furniture, human doesn't have to yell at cat, furniture doesn't get destroyed, and cat doesn't need to hunt for food or protect itself.

No, it is in fact cruel to declaw cats. It removes part of their toes and makes it difficult and painful to walk. Sod the furniture. Cats don't claw that much anyway, but if it matters that much to you DON'T GET A CAT.

Meh. I was talking about the real world, not the cotton-wearing hipster world.

Wearing cotton makes someone a hipster?

Sure. Real Americans wear polyester Disco suits.
2012-11-14 09:39:30 AM  
2 votes:

bunner: Dear, sh*t for brains pet owners.

And if this is how you view your pets, as inconveniences, for God's SAKE don't reproduce.

And don't try to reproduce with your pet!
2012-11-14 09:02:37 AM  
2 votes:

starlost: this has been going on for years. at least since the 1980's. my sister had a cockel spanish she got around 1995 from the dog pound that had it done.

A cockel spanish eh? Latino dog with large junk?
2012-11-14 08:55:21 AM  
2 votes:

GORDON: I don't need an animal to give me a facsimile of love and affection, and I am a light sleeper with asshole neighbors who put their big dogs out overnight in the winter so I get to listen to the dog equivalent of, "I'm cold! I'm cold!" all night.

Silence them, one way or another.

The really sad part is that the dog is probably saying "I'm lonely! I'm lonely!".

Unless it is really cold, I'm not denying that dogs get cold but what most dogs want more than ANYTHING is to be with their owners.

Dogs who bark:
1. First you have to completely ignore the barking. If you yell, your dog is like 'okay! bob is barking too- I'm on to something!'.
2. If you give your dog something really delicious to eat like a kong (you can fill them with plain dog food or other healthy things) or a bully stick or an antler (for extreme chewers) then they are getting rewarded for not barking (because a dog has a hard time having a full mouth and barking).
3. If your dog is so tired from a 2 mile walk and 15 m training session that they are sleeping, they can't be barking.
4. If your dog likes to look out the window/door and bark at anything that passes by, block his view (with cardboard or whatever) at least until you start getting barking under control.

I have a German Shepherd and he barks:
a) when someone is in my front yard at night
b) when he is over the top excited because it is time to play ball...
2012-11-14 08:51:43 AM  
2 votes:
Devocalization is such a big word.
It's been around since Richard the Third.

If I could I'd replace the vocal cords of barky dogs with vuvuzelas.
2012-11-14 08:44:54 AM  
2 votes:

Lunaville: Why is that the people who made us all completely miserable in high school always seem to end up running things one way or another?

Sadly, because you cannot hunt them for sport.
2012-11-14 08:42:18 AM  
2 votes:
I'm not saying I agree with debarking, I know I wouldn't do that to a dog I had control over - but come on!
If I was in the market for a used dog and the shelter had a dog that couldn't bark that would totally be the one I'd get.
2012-11-14 08:34:54 AM  
2 votes:
Yeah, that's not a nice thing to do to the poor puppies. declawing cats is still okay though.
2012-11-14 05:53:19 PM  
1 vote:

HailRobonia: nonvideas: But circumcision is just farking fine, right?


I needed to circumcise my dog so he could have a bark-mitvah.

Where did you find a willing mohel?
2012-11-14 03:37:14 PM  
1 vote:
But circumcision is just farking fine, right?

2012-11-14 02:49:55 PM  
1 vote:
You see, this is why Obamacare is going to threaten all of us. I heard they are going to have "devocalizing" panels that are going to make decisions about taking the bark from your fluffy little fido. It will make burglarizing your house easier and is part of Lord and Master's new wealth distribution plan. That and taking all our guns so we can't protect ourselves from the raping and pillaging hoards.
//hey at least I didn't call him Fartbongo
2012-11-14 11:58:05 AM  
1 vote:
I threaten to cut his vocal cords sometimes. A Basset Hound bark in a house is crazy loud
2012-11-14 11:06:38 AM  
1 vote:

GoldSpider: jakrabit: We adopted a dachshund... 7 years old, and barks constantly... Annoying as hell. I would never take that from her. Some days, I've thought about it.

You must live in the townhouse a few units down from me.

The wife has been working with her since we got her... About a year and a half. She's much better. Except at 3 am when an owl farts.

If you hear "LOU, SHUT THE FARK UP", occasionally, then we're neighbors.
2012-11-14 10:09:15 AM  
1 vote:

Jon iz teh kewl: but then how would u know what's on top of the house?


How do you make a cat go woof?
2012-11-14 09:53:04 AM  
1 vote:

That's why I had my dog's legs removed. It's much safer for him, really. Plus he's so easy to cuddle with now!
2012-11-14 09:23:39 AM  
1 vote:
First they came for my balls, and I said nothing.
2012-11-14 09:20:18 AM  
1 vote:
So it's OK to take a cow, fatten it up with unnatural drugs, lead it to a slaughterhouse, blow it's farking brains out, chop it up, and eat it, but remove the vocal cords from your dog and you're worse than Hitler?
2012-11-14 09:14:36 AM  
1 vote:

jakrabit: We adopted a dachshund... 7 years old, and barks constantly... Annoying as hell. I would never take that from her. Some days, I've thought about it.

You must live in the townhouse a few units down from me.
2012-11-14 09:14:06 AM  
1 vote:
God I wish it were legal to do this to some people.
2012-11-14 09:11:09 AM  
1 vote:

Greek: There's a non- surgical method now of de- barking a dog. Works pretty well. It's called "train the farking animal properly, or don't get a dog, you dumb shiat!"

Same goes for declawing a cat. Even an indoor one- the declawing process actually involves amputating the first knuckle from each paw. Cats often develop behavioral problems as a result. Contrary to popular belief, cats can be trained. It takes a bit more effort than it does with a dog, but it's possible. Provide lots of natural- feeling scratching surfaces, such as sisal rope door hangers, LONG cardboard scratchers, and scratching posts covered either in sisal or natural bark. Put them near the places they like to scratch, and squirt them with water when they try to scratch inappropriately, and give them a treat when they scratch something they should. Also, keeping their claws trimmed if they're an indoor cat helps a lot, too.

But this stuff all takes a little work, and some people are too lazy. These people shouldn't have pets. Or children, for that matter.

These work quite well and last for about a month. Then you clip the claws and re-apply. The cat gets to scratch, but nothing gets damaged. And anger swipes no longer hurt.
Plus look how pelased that cat is with her pretty pink nails.
2012-11-14 09:05:11 AM  
1 vote:
Call me when they destink and detooth them as well.
2012-11-14 09:03:26 AM  
1 vote:
Neighbor across the street had a terrier that would bark for hours if there was a few minutes of silence interrupted by noise, like a car driving by at 10pm.

About 4 months ago, she backed over it with her car. I almost found religion that day, such fortune.

/why do people think it's totally cool to have dogs like that?
2012-11-14 09:03:02 AM  
1 vote:
I was at a random chick's house for the first time, watching the teev and shootin' the shiat, when I saw my first and only devocalised dog.

Dawg was outside but right next to a big bay window, and I'm all "Dog barking. No sound. Does not compute." She was straight up front with explaining that their dog barked too much, she didn't appear embarrassed or take the easy "my parents are evil, I can't believe what they did!" route.

I was a youngster, so my first reaction was ya typical "join the dots, I'm supposed to be outraged against this" outraged reaction. Thankfully I thought it on the inside, coz I watched the little champ for a while and he barked NON FARKING STOP until he moved out of view. A good 5 minutes. And the shiat he was barking at. Ants. Bark at them for 30 seconds. Oh look a flower moved. Bark at that for 30 seconds. What? Ants?! Bark at them for a minute solid. Hear a noise. Randomly bark at the clouds for 30 seconds. Ooh, a caterpillar! And on it went.

Then suddenly I'm all. "Ah, story checks out."

OTOH, I've watched a lot of those TV dog trainer type shows, and I've seen these f@ckers solve some pretty seriously bad doggy behaviour. Can a barking dog ever get to a non-trainable state? Most dog owners whose mutts get a guernsey on these "train my dog for me!" segments are SERIOUSLY thick and/or lazy.
2012-11-14 09:02:44 AM  
1 vote:
My question is...can we do this to kids if something is inconvenient or annoying to us???

/same difference.
2012-11-14 09:01:28 AM  
1 vote:

Kaymon: It's ok to hack their balls off, but this is bad? Where to we draw the line at what parts of an animal we can remove?

This. I worked for a while in a a job that required me to try to get feuding neighbors to stop acting childish in disputes over fences, barking dogs, etc. This sometimes came up as one possible later-resort solution to the problem. I always said it seemed pretty cruel to me, but as one of my coworkers pointed out, "ask the dog which he would rather keep- his balls or his bark." I think it is a fair point...
2012-11-14 08:59:17 AM  
1 vote:
"Barking is normal behavior for dogs"
So is WALKING. So quit carrying your farkin little precious rat dog like a handbag, Paris Hilton
2012-11-14 08:58:48 AM  
1 vote:

Vegan Meat Popsicle: Kaymon: Where to we draw the line at what parts of an animal we can remove?

How about we draw it at "when the only reason you're doing it is because you're not competent enough or too lazy to properly control the animal as per the basic responsibilities of pet ownership".

You really shouldn't have to have that explained to you.

You need to get your sarcasm meter calibrated.
2012-11-14 08:56:30 AM  
1 vote:
Ventriculocordectomy: It's not just for drug dealers anymore.
2012-11-14 08:55:28 AM  
1 vote:

iheartscotch: You know who else cut out vocal cords....

The owners of Motel Hell.

"It takes all types of critters, to make Farmer Vincent's fritters"
2012-11-14 08:49:04 AM  
1 vote:

lucksi: Devocalizing dogs is inhumane? Then what is living next to some constantly barking little poopfactories?

If I wouldn't own this condo, I'd have long since moved

Removing the bones in your inner ear might help.
2012-11-14 08:48:43 AM  
1 vote:
This complete ruins the story of Sherlock Holmes in Silver Blaze.
2012-11-14 08:46:32 AM  
1 vote:
What the hell is the point of a dog that doesn't bark?

CSB moment: I had to go to Boston for a wedding; this was one of the first time me and the missus had been away on a trip without bringing our dog. We stayed at a friends place. That friend had some roomies, and they were cool. But dealing with people walking around in the middle of the night or past his first floor apartment without the dog taking notice, growling or barking was dissarming to say the least.

Having a dog is like having an alarm system - my dog is basically marshmellow fluff, love, and fur. I'm not counting on it to kill any intruders - that's what I'm for. So it just boggles my mind that you'd remove that ability from one of natures greatest sentries.

This is beyond the pale for me.
2012-11-14 08:39:52 AM  
1 vote:
It's ok to hack their balls off, but this is bad? Where to we draw the line at what parts of an animal we can remove?
2012-11-14 08:38:46 AM  
1 vote:
Unavailable for comment:
2012-11-14 08:33:40 AM  
1 vote:
A good example of people who should not be allowed to have a dog.
Displayed 42 of 42 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.