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(Huffington Post)   If you're going to blow the whistle on an adulterous relationship with a senior government official, you might want to make sure you aren't running a major cancer charity scam at the same time. We're looking at you, Jill "Catfight" Kelley   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 40
    More: Followup, CIA Director David Petraeus, Assistant Secretary of State, tax forms, u.s. central command, Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, Brendan Smialowski, kelley, Yoshiaki Iwasaki  
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16581 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2012 at 11:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-14 12:45:24 PM
8 votes:
Dammit, well, at the speed this mess is unraveling, I better come clean now before everyone hears about it on the news.

I was actually romantically involved with not only Broadwell and Kelley, but also with General Petraeus' bag-girl (kind of like a bagman for the mob, but she just carries cash from one fake charity to another) as well as recently outed Microsoft Exec Steven Sinofsky and his team of Hungarian Lavatory slaves. In addition, I served as part of the conduit passing messages from Allen (Paul Allen at Microsoft, not that other general dude) to his handlers in the Cirque del Soleil (who I believe are in fact a front for the International Monetary Fund) and handled instructions for his currency launderers in Zaire, Togo and Santa Fe. While I was never part of the actual conspiracy itself, I did receive a ceremonial back rub from a masked, naked Karl Rove and was instructed in the Hidden Secrets and told what was actually buried in Steve Job's tomb. I also baked a cake for Helen Thomas, but that was just for her birthday and wasn't really connected to anything else.

Wow, I really feel better after getting that off my chest.
2012-11-14 12:28:26 PM
6 votes:

Diogenes: I think the most important question at this point is which one will Susan Lucci play?


Pretty sure George Wendt will play Mrs. Patreus
2012-11-14 11:56:57 AM
6 votes:
This is turning into Burn After Reading territory.

/Bring out the dildo chairs.
2012-11-14 08:38:25 AM
4 votes:
I think we've reached the Boat Point of this story, which is the point at which the entire thing has become so ridiculous that the only rational solution remaining is to gather everyone even tangentially involved, put them on a boat, sail it out into the middle of the Pacific, and sink it. Sink it deep.
2012-11-14 01:22:53 PM
3 votes:

you are a puppet: What if it comes out that Petraeus banged both twins at the same time? Do we give him a pass on everything else?


www.historyguy.com
2012-11-14 12:55:06 PM
3 votes:
i208.photobucket.com

i208.photobucket.com 

Nice to see that TDS participated (albeit late) in our thread yesterday.
2012-11-14 12:21:04 PM
3 votes:

jgilb: Generation_D: Why is the head of our armed forces and CIA palling around with these bimbos.

How you act when no-one's looking tells a lot.

Maybe we need to stop worshiping the military and start treating them as just another government employee.


But they are HEROESSSSSSSS and are keeping us SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFEEEE!
2012-11-14 12:05:29 PM
3 votes:
This shiat never happened to Bond.

/James
2012-11-14 08:52:23 AM
3 votes:
Well none of this would be an issue if Petraeus hadn't stuck his dick in crazy.
2012-11-14 01:18:10 PM
2 votes:

Dr.Zom: That the director of the CIA may have been compromised means less to them than the cancellation of Firefly.


To be fair I put it about on equal footing. The whole national security thing is balanced by the fact that FIrefly had more attractive women
2012-11-14 01:07:34 PM
2 votes:
" Mrs Kelley, a 37-year-old Tampa socialite who hosted parties for the nation´s top brass, has been told today that she is no longer welcome at military HQ near her Florida home..."


It is a sad day when unpaid social liason milfs cannot just freely wander through the high echelons on military bases. What have we come to as a nation ?

What are they going to do there now, just military stuff?

....that's crazy
2012-11-14 12:56:43 PM
2 votes:
And goddammit Generals, you forget the axiom: "New pussy can't cook."
2012-11-14 12:16:46 PM
2 votes:

jgilb: Generation_D: Why is the head of our armed forces and CIA palling around with these bimbos.

How you act when no-one's looking tells a lot.

Maybe we need to stop worshiping the military and start treating them as just another government employee.


Heresy!
2012-11-14 12:04:42 PM
2 votes:
If you were to pitch this whole thing to a Hollywood exec he'd shoot you down as there's no way the audience could suspend their disbelief for it.
2012-11-14 10:48:27 AM
2 votes:
maybe the 'grant wishes to terminally ill adult cancer patients' was 'parties, entertainment, travel'?
2012-11-14 09:06:23 AM
2 votes:
It really is amazing how much shiat can go down when a dude tries to get some tang. Ladies, that's how amazing your pussy is. One just wrecked a general and we're still going to come back for more.
2012-11-14 09:02:33 AM
2 votes:
I think the most important question at this point is which one will Susan Lucci play?
2012-11-14 08:59:01 AM
2 votes:
And yet I can't get Top Secret clearance.
2012-11-14 10:21:15 PM
1 votes:

Dr.Zom: netcentric: It is a sad day when unpaid social liason milfs cannot just freely wander through the high echelons on military bases. What have we come to as a nation ?

What are they going to do there now, just military stuff?

....that's crazy

What amazes me is the many Farkers who are shrugging their shoulders at this whole thing.

That the director of the CIA may have been compromised means less to them than the cancellation of Firefly.


Damn right, I liked the later.
2012-11-14 04:53:10 PM
1 votes:

durbnpoisn: Why, oh WHY, has not one single person, not ONE made reference to Jill Kelley's name being strikingly similar to a porn star's?! A porn star with her own production company?! And she's involved in a SEX SCANDAL!!

What the hell is wrong with the news today?!

Or more to the point... Even on FARK there is not a single reference. Did I slip into Bizzaro World by accident?


Porn stars have names?
2012-11-14 04:02:43 PM
1 votes:
The Washington Post reports that, according to a military officer who served on Gen. Petraeus' staff, Kelley was a "'self-appointed' go-between for Central Command officers with Lebanese and other Middle Eastern government officials.

Wait! So she was carrying on a Lebanese relationship in addition to the two generals? This just gets richer with each passing day.
2012-11-14 03:19:23 PM
1 votes:
www.bvvp.com
2012-11-14 02:50:03 PM
1 votes:

The One True TheDavid: Rent Party: my_cats_breath_smells_like_cat_food: Publikwerks: you are a puppet:

What if it comes out that Petraeus banged both twins at the same time? Do we give him a pass on everything else?

[www.historyguy.com image 652x599]

I don't think anyone involved was a 5-star...those things are super rare.

I think the point is that if he managed to bag the twins at the same time, he deserves that fifth star.

I concur with that assessment.

No no no. When an ordinary schlepp like me gets to do it then it's an achievement. When you're DCI you can arrange things like that as easily as I send out for pizza.


"Threeway with Identical Twins" is a level-up achievement no matter who you are. You should get promoted to Head Pizza Delivery Guy. Petreaus gets that fifth star.
2012-11-14 01:43:07 PM
1 votes:

netcentric: " Mrs Kelley, a 37-year-old Tampa socialite who hosted parties for the nation´s top brass, has been told today that she is no longer welcome at military HQ near her Florida home..."


It is a sad day when unpaid social liason milfs cannot just freely wander through the high echelons on military bases. What have we come to as a nation ?

What are they going to do there now, just military stuff?

....that's crazy


We could invade Grenada again as a distraction.
2012-11-14 01:41:04 PM
1 votes:

Rent Party: my_cats_breath_smells_like_cat_food: Publikwerks: you are a puppet: What if it comes out that Petraeus banged both twins at the same time? Do we give him a pass on everything else?

[www.historyguy.com image 652x599]

I don't think anyone involved was a 5-star...those things are super rare.

I think the point is that if he managed to bag the twins at the same time, he deserves that fifth star.

I concur with that assessment.


Hell, I say give him the even rarer 6th star.
2012-11-14 01:34:57 PM
1 votes:
FTA: From the records, it appears that the charity fell far short of its mission. While the origins of the seed money used to start the charity in 2007 are unclear, financial records reviewed by The Huffington Post reveal that the group spent all of its money not on research, but on parties, entertainment, travel and attorney fees.

t3.gstatic.com

t0.gstatic.com

t1.gstatic.com

t3.gstatic.com
2012-11-14 01:31:59 PM
1 votes:

you are a puppet: What if it comes out that Petraeus banged both twins at the same time? Do we give him a pass on everything else?


Yup.
2012-11-14 01:29:48 PM
1 votes:
It isn't that he brought his wife and mistress to the Confirmation hearing, it is that he sat them both in the front row.

assets.nydailynews.com
2012-11-14 01:20:20 PM
1 votes:

hasty ambush: Generation_D: Why is the head of our armed forces and CIA palling around with these bimbos.

How you act when no-one's looking tells a lot.

Senator and their fundraisers to. You forgot about them:

Link

And in court documents filed by Kelley's sister Natalie Khawam, she name-drops both Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts and Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island -- who both have ties to a Providence, RI, lawyer/Democratic fundraiser who loaned a whopping $300,000 to Khawam.

A spokesman for Whitehouse today that lawyer, Gerald Harrington, has dated and "may have been engaged to Khawam." Harrington has not returned a call seeking comment.

Khawam claimed in a July 12 letter to her estranged husband that she took their now 4-year-old son "on vacation last year to Martha Vineyard," where their son and "I had a great time at the DSCC [Democratic Senate Campaign Committee] event

"Sen. John Kerry asked if [her son] would be coming again this year," Khawam wrote. "[Their son] was a superstar at the DSCC last year."

A spokeswoman for Kerry - who the Washington Post reports is being considered as President Obama's next secretary of defense -- in an email comment wrote, "Senator Kerry's friend Jerry Harrington introduced him to his girlfriend (Natalie) at a DSCC event."

Also filed in that court case by Khawam is a letter from Whitehouse, who like Kerry is a Democrat.

That letter was written to Harrington, who has been a fundraiser for Kerry and other Democrats out of Rhode Island. Harrington, according to Khawam's federal bankruptcy filing earlier this year in Florida, gave her a personal loan of $300,000.

"Derry Gerry," Whitehouse wrote. "I am excited to hear that you and [Khawam's son] may be coming to the Family Clambake. That would be terrific! All the best wishes, Sheldon."


Wait. The twin sister had John Kerry's love child and was paid off with $300,000?
2012-11-14 01:14:52 PM
1 votes:

OhioKnight: Pocket Ninja: I think we've reached the Boat Point of this story, which is the point at which the entire thing has become so ridiculous that the only rational solution remaining is to gather everyone even tangentially involved, put them on a boat, sail it out into the middle of the Pacific, and sink it. Sink it deep.

The STORY is ridiculous.

The Lebonese-American "Socialite" who has all kinds of reasons to be going into the Army command center that have nothing at all to do with any kind of operations.

And who has all kinds of connections to the head of the CIA and the commander of forces in Afghanistan...

And who keeps a phoney charity that doesn't take in or spend any money but pays for travel for "Cancer patients"

I'm sure it Doesn't Involve Anything important.


I'm not sure what Dancin in Anson has to do with all this.
2012-11-14 01:12:44 PM
1 votes:
There's still MILF Porn. She'll have to change her name though.

graphics8.nytimes.com
2012-11-14 01:07:04 PM
1 votes:

gunther_bumpass: SoupJohnB: This shiat never happened to Bond.

/James

That's mainly because every woman he porks gets killed by reel four.


At least they go out in style

www.rickmcginnis.com
2012-11-14 01:03:29 PM
1 votes:

SoupJohnB: This shiat never happened to Bond.

/James


That's mainly because every woman he porks gets killed by reel four.
2012-11-14 01:01:45 PM
1 votes:
Did any of you hear the 911 transcript where this biatch invoked diplomatic immunity and then Danny Glover said "It's just been revoked" and shot her in the head?
2012-11-14 12:57:58 PM
1 votes:

Ambitwistor: fluffy2097: The CIA wants to read my e-mail without a warrant but gets upset when their director gets caught having affairs via e-mail.

To be fair, it's probably the NSA reading your e-mail, not the CIA.


Domestically it would be the FBI. For foreign farkers it would be either NSA or CIA.
2012-11-14 12:30:03 PM
1 votes:

factoryconnection: Generation_D: requoted for emphasis.

A delightful coincidence, but not one that snuck past me.

Rapmaster2000: Mind blown. That's farking it.

No, no, no... if she was a Madam she'd be making some serious coin, not broke and immersed in debt although not as badly as her twin sister. The silver S500 and her look would work for a high-class Madam but the financials don't make sense.


Maybe business has been bad. I mean, we are in a recession...
2012-11-14 12:10:29 PM
1 votes:
Crazy narcissistic biatch, and probably so is Broadwell. You'd think that highly ranked military guys would have some training in avoiding people like this, but oh no, psychology is bullshiat--they're generals and they control the world. They have the weapons of mass destruction and the power to use them.

Well, they both just got a lesson in those little weapons of mass destruction--crazy people. Ruining everything, one person at a time. And then they (usually) just walk away.

/Why yes, I do have some trust issues
2012-11-14 11:50:06 AM
1 votes:
That's nice. Horrible people tend to congregate towards each other. Let's keep it that way, mmkay?
2012-11-14 10:06:46 AM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I think we've reached the Boat Point of this story, which is the point at which the entire thing has become so ridiculous that the only rational solution remaining is to gather everyone even tangentially involved, put them on a boat, sail it out into the middle of the Pacific, and sink it. Sink it deep.


I thought this was the army, not the navy?
2012-11-14 09:30:43 AM
1 votes:

Diogenes: I think the most important question at this point is which one will Susan Lucci play?


thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com

Broadwell?
 
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