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(White House)   Finally, a petition that every Farker can get behind   (petitions.whitehouse.gov) divider line 136
    More: Hero, Drew Curtis, presidents, petitions  
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25488 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 6:48 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



136 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-11-13 02:44:36 PM
That would be awesome
 
2012-11-13 02:45:41 PM
I signed it
 
2012-11-13 02:47:54 PM
Goin' for the easy green, eh, subby?
 
2012-11-13 02:56:31 PM
ok, we can get this up to 25000 signatures.
 
2012-11-13 02:58:47 PM
I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.
 
2012-11-13 02:59:46 PM
I kind of like this one:

Make Duncan Trussell the Emperor Of Planet Earth

We petition the Obama administration to construct an iron throne made of meteorites and incinerated pope penises upon which the new emperor of planet earth Duncan Trussell can reign supreme.

Attached to the throne should be a surgical straw connected to an endless quantity of fresh fetal stem cells upon which our Lord may suckle as the people of the world petition him for mercy or offer him their children and livestock.
 
2012-11-13 03:05:02 PM

Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.


I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.
 
2012-11-13 03:11:37 PM

ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.


But you can find 25000 who want one.
 
2012-11-13 03:12:02 PM

ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.


Goddamn Obama...
 
2012-11-13 03:14:10 PM
I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:21 PM

MrBallou: ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.

But you can find 25000 who want one.


So make the petition be that every one who signs the petition will get a BJ from Scarlett. That would work. She's probably down.
 
2012-11-13 04:14:31 PM

utsagrad123: MrBallou: ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.

But you can find 25000 who want one.

So make the petition be that every one who signs the petition will get a BJ from Scarlett. That would work. She's probably down.


If not down, she'll be going there soon enough.
 
2012-11-13 04:14:57 PM
Only if the liberty derp squad has to show up too.
 
2012-11-13 04:19:02 PM

utsagrad123: MrBallou: ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.

But you can find 25000 who want one.

So make the petition be that every one who signs the petition will get a BJ from Scarlett. That would work. She's probably down.


So...who wants to be #22,543?
 
2012-11-13 04:30:54 PM
Okay, signed.

Good luck, Drew!
 
2012-11-13 04:35:52 PM
Yeah I'll be signing this later.
 
2012-11-13 04:53:15 PM
I signed it, but if it's a Fark party it better be in the greater Chattanooga metropolitan area so I can attend dammit!
 
2012-11-13 04:54:37 PM
Beer is good.
 
2012-11-13 05:23:14 PM
Just PM him on Reddit.
 
2012-11-13 06:25:42 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: Just PM him on Reddit.


Actually, I suspect he trolls the Politics Tab as the Derpiest McDerpson on Fark.
 
2012-11-13 06:49:57 PM

Ennuipoet: thismomentinblackhistory: Just PM him on Reddit.

Actually, I suspect he trolls the Politics Tab as the Derpiest McDerpson on Fark.


Skinnyhead...
 
2012-11-13 06:50:42 PM
How about have the government subsidize Give Joe the Bird so it can fill out that last $10,000 that it's been stuck on for a month.
 
2012-11-13 06:50:48 PM

Shostie: Goin' for the easy green, eh, subby?

 
2012-11-13 06:51:54 PM
So is this going to be the new thing now, because i'm already bored with it?
 
2012-11-13 06:52:08 PM
Heineken! Fark that shiat, PABST BLUE RIBBON!
 
2012-11-13 06:52:23 PM
I was a block away at the coffee shop when he came to Delray Beach. They said he was going to stop in, but he never did. Would have been kinda cool.
 
2012-11-13 06:53:13 PM

Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.


This is something I can get behind, both political parties however? not so much.
 
2012-11-13 06:53:51 PM
What if we get the requisite number of signatures...and he says "OK, sure!"
 
2012-11-13 06:54:54 PM

ZzeusS: I was a block away at the coffee shop when he came to Delray Beach. They said he was going to stop in, but he never did. Would have been kinda cool.


Drew can be fickle like that.
 
2012-11-13 06:55:28 PM
No. Obama's had enough beer drinking for 8 years. Obama needs to get his ass to work.
 
2012-11-13 06:55:31 PM

MrBallou: ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.

But you can find 25000 who want one.


That'll be some amazing bukakke. Hope they record the whole thing.
 
2012-11-13 06:55:42 PM
I signed. If we can get Biden a Trans Am, we can get Drew a beer with the President. Make it happen, buttholes.
 
2012-11-13 06:57:04 PM
The lowercase 'h' is bothering me.
 
2012-11-13 07:00:52 PM
39
 
2012-11-13 07:01:24 PM
Nope
 
2012-11-13 07:01:58 PM
signed
 
2012-11-13 07:06:30 PM
Might want to reword the petition to be written in proper english.
 
2012-11-13 07:06:40 PM
Hell yeah!
 
2012-11-13 07:06:52 PM
Just as long as the slugs at Reddit don't steal the idea. They steal everything.

/signed
 
2012-11-13 07:07:42 PM
I'm going to petition that we stop petitioning.

/we're not gonna protest!
 
2012-11-13 07:08:11 PM
Promoted on FB too :)
 
2012-11-13 07:10:13 PM
Sounds good to me.

The more time he spends drinking beer, the less time he has to make us all miserable.
 
2012-11-13 07:15:01 PM
Not every farker.
 
2012-11-13 07:15:26 PM
Of course it contains a typo.
 
2012-11-13 07:16:18 PM
I can't figure out what my password is.:(
 
2012-11-13 07:16:24 PM
Have the president to attend - Really? No need to proof read when petitioning the President. This got killed dead before it even left the ground.
 
2012-11-13 07:17:54 PM

Disgruntled Goat: Might want to reword the petition to be written in proper english.


Seconded.
 
2012-11-13 07:19:58 PM
Still waiting for my confirmation email so I can sign...
 
2012-11-13 07:22:34 PM

The Token Man: Disgruntled Goat: Might want to reword the petition to be written in proper english.

Seconded.


Thirded.

Hey, maybe we should start a petition to fix the grammar in this petition.
 
2012-11-13 07:23:36 PM
NY/NJ party. He's up here often enough. And at least a few of us would pass the screening.
 
2012-11-13 07:25:21 PM
If you're going to submit a petition for the President to do something, maybe you should spend 20 seconds proofing it before you hit submit. Otherwise you just look like a dick.
 
2012-11-13 07:25:50 PM
"Drew Curtis is at Fark Satellite Office at The White House"

I like it. Signed!
 
2012-11-13 07:26:14 PM
Pretty sure the president doesn't want to hang out with the dorks on here (especially Drew :)
 
2012-11-13 07:26:20 PM
I signed it, but in protest.

Screw Drew. I gots to get mine.
 
2012-11-13 07:29:02 PM

queezyweezel:
So...who wants to be #22,543?


*raises hand sheepishly*

/ better than nothing
// hello herpes, my old friend
/// i've come to talk with you again
 
2012-11-13 07:31:16 PM
I'm Canadian and I signed it. I can't imagine the right wing whargarrbl that would spew forth if Obama actually attended a Fark party. "Obama has a beer with nerds and pedophiles!"
 
2012-11-13 07:33:56 PM
bmadore.squarespace.com

/Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
 
2012-11-13 07:38:42 PM

Cythraul: I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.


so a fark party that none of us will be allowed to attend.
 
2012-11-13 07:45:14 PM
The thing to ask yourself is, if you are elected President, who do you want to have a beer with?

I'm thinking Clint Eastwood.

He seems like a great guy to have a beer with, even if he is a crazy Republican who talks to chairs. In fact, he is probably the only Republican I would let near the President of the United States with a chair, let alone the kind of firepower that Clint Eastwood presumably carries when he checks the sidewalks of Carmel-by-the-Sea for bubblegum and ice cream drips. I assume he is still Mayor because he once was and Hollywood actors never change.
 
2012-11-13 07:46:46 PM
The White House web site is not your playground, children. Grow the fark up.

Do something useful and sign the petition for Texas to secede.

Yay Texas secession!

/ Illinois resident
// Link
 
2012-11-13 07:47:00 PM

Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.


I am sorry but the United States Government can not get behind that request as it might be illegal.

But nice try, Mr. President. Say "hi" to Hillary for us if you see her!
 
2012-11-13 07:47:48 PM
Signed. Dibs on finger-trapping Scarlett Johannson with Shostie. No homo.
 
2012-11-13 07:48:32 PM

Cythraul: I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.


IT. IS. TIME.

FOR. EVERY. ONE.

TO PANIC.

How about that? Plausible? Likely? Dead cert?
 
2012-11-13 07:51:07 PM
Try not reading my last post in William Shatner's voice.

Not the same, is it?
 
2012-11-13 07:52:42 PM
Probably one of the most productive things he'd do all year.
 
2012-11-13 07:54:42 PM
Unfortunately it's too much trouble.

How many of you want to go through the massive checks and such that would be required?
 
2012-11-13 07:55:13 PM
129 signatures.
24871 to go.
 
2012-11-13 07:56:01 PM
I know that pimping crap is generally a dick move around here, but here's one I just made... I promise it doesn't suck.

Petition.
 
2012-11-13 07:56:32 PM
Nope.



I'd sincerely hope our president has more important things to do.
 
2012-11-13 07:56:48 PM
signed. I am signee number 125.

also posted it to facebook.
 
2012-11-13 07:57:41 PM

Marine1: I know that pimping crap is generally a dick move around here, but here's one I just made... I promise it doesn't suck.

Petition.


no, in fact it does not suck.
 
2012-11-13 07:59:51 PM
Voiceofreason01 Cythraul: I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.

so a fark party that none of us will be allowed to attend.


Came for THIS. Leaving, etc, etc.
 
2012-11-13 08:01:40 PM
Only if the Fark party he attends is in Toronto.
come on... that would be pretty epic...
no..?

Phrozen
 
2012-11-13 08:03:30 PM
I signed. Maybe by the time it finishes VP Biden will have his sweet ride they could roll to the party in.
 
2012-11-13 08:06:19 PM
In the words of my 8 year old daughter, Lame!!!!!!
 
2012-11-13 08:12:33 PM

Marine1: I know that pimping crap is generally a dick move around here, but here's one I just made... I promise it doesn't suck.

Petition.


Let's hope that whole "metric vs avoirdupois" mix-up doesn't happen on this trip.
 
2012-11-13 08:13:01 PM
I think I'm going to start a petition to shut down that goddam petition site.
 
2012-11-13 08:14:55 PM
Signed
 
2012-11-13 08:16:36 PM
We the people petitions have suddenly become the Gangnam Style of Fark posts!
 
2012-11-13 08:24:37 PM
Signed. Booze-related petitions may well be the most productive kind. After all, the last one to get a response yielded exactly what it was looking for: a beer recipe.
 
2012-11-13 08:31:32 PM

Cythraul: I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.


Now that's entertainment.
 
2012-11-13 08:39:37 PM
And branch out into more of the government's grid? No thank you.
 
2012-11-13 08:41:08 PM
 
2012-11-13 08:41:59 PM
Signed but i question weather all farkers can pass a background check to allow them to be near the POTUS.
 
2012-11-13 08:45:08 PM
I'm in.
 
2012-11-13 08:46:29 PM
Signed!
 
2012-11-13 08:48:15 PM
Drew Curtis doesn't deserve the fifteen minutes he's already been given. The WH website is as laughable as this one is.
 
2012-11-13 08:58:14 PM
signed. Let's get him hammered. Think of some good drinking games
 
2012-11-13 09:05:32 PM
Rocketpants: I agree about the h.

Disgruntled Goat and others: Who created that heading? Obviously they skipped school more than they should have?

I would sign the petition to fix the grammar, bring it on please.

Disgruntled Goat,
Why are you no longer 'gruntled'?
 
2012-11-13 09:07:14 PM

grimlock1972: Signed but i question weather all farkers can pass a background check to allow them to be near the POTUS.


Oh, I highly doubt the President would attend a fark party. Security would be an utter nightmare for the Secret Service.

On the other hand, Drew having a beer with the President at the White House is pretty doable.
 
2012-11-13 09:17:56 PM
There is not a white man in america that man wants to have a drink with. Didn't any of you read the presidents books?
 
2012-11-13 09:23:01 PM
Isn't Drew a Ron Paul guy?
Did Fark ever Give Joe the Derp?
 
2012-11-13 09:28:09 PM

SuperDarly: I'm Canadian and I signed it. I can't imagine the right wing whargarrbl that would spew forth if Obama actually attended a Fark party. "Obama has a beer with nerds and pedophiles!"


It's like a US Senate after-party!
 
2012-11-13 09:34:35 PM

Cythraul: I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.


I volunteer to be strip searched by at least five young, healthy male Secret Service agents. They can bring their weapons. And their guns.
 
2012-11-13 09:40:29 PM
I'm surprised there are only 200-odd signatures. I thought calling on the Power of Fark would be a bit more powerful.

Since you're over there anyway putting signatures on stuff, how about supporting some other good causes?

Link
Link
Link
 
2012-11-13 09:42:05 PM
And the circlejerk reaches new levels.
 
2012-11-13 09:43:28 PM

KrispyKritter: There is not a white man in america that man wants to have a drink with.


Drew does not drink with white people?

I did not know that.
 
2012-11-13 09:48:34 PM
grimlock1972 - Signed but i question weather all farkers can pass a background check to allow them to be near the POTUS.

I have a secret security clearance. I get to go to the front of the line ;}

/seriously
 
2012-11-13 10:10:38 PM
You could also like; not run a window manager.

/rebel
//twm at minimum
///pun optional
 
2012-11-13 10:15:05 PM

etherknot: You could also like; not run a window manager.

/rebel
//twm at minimum
///pun optional


LOL it's funny because wtf are you talking about?
 
2012-11-13 10:19:11 PM

cedarpark: SuperDarly: I'm Canadian and I signed it. I can't imagine the right wing whargarrbl that would spew forth if Obama actually attended a Fark party. "Obama has a beer with nerds and pedophiles!"

It's like a US Senate after-party!


And Canadians!
 
2012-11-13 10:21:35 PM
No, we are not your personal army Drew.
 
2012-11-13 10:21:36 PM
um do I have to create an account to sign it? Cause no.
 
2012-11-13 10:23:25 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: etherknot: You could also like; not run a window manager.

/rebel
//twm at minimum
///pun optional

LOL it's funny because wtf are you talking about?


Looks like a stray comment from the Linux thread
 
2012-11-13 10:25:33 PM

ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.


Don't listen to 'em shostie -- I'll sign yours if you sign mine.
 
2012-11-13 10:37:36 PM
The President? At a fark party??? You guys using too many drugs. Do you know how short the approved list of security cleared attendees there would be? This is a worse idea than the car for Biden.
 
2012-11-13 10:41:57 PM
He'll squeeze you in between golf and Leno.
 
2012-11-13 10:42:56 PM

rocketpants: The Token Man: Disgruntled Goat: Might want to reword the petition to be written in proper english.

Seconded.

Thirded.

Hey, maybe we should start a petition to fix the grammar in this petition.


If enough people agree to start that petition, we could do it. We should start a petition for that.
 
2012-11-13 10:50:38 PM
This effort is extremely...disappointing? It was like it was a kernel of an idea that wasn't previewed or expanded at all and went straight to the post stage. God, now it makes 4chan sound creative by default compared to Fark.
 
2012-11-13 10:54:28 PM
Now the petition to deport petitioners was creative. That I used to be able to believe could have been created by a Farker.

/get off my lawn, newbies
 
2012-11-13 11:03:58 PM

randomjsa: Unfortunately it's too much trouble.

How many of you want to go through the massive checks and such that would be required?


It's not that hard. I attended a party earlier this year where a former president was a guest. The secret service guys were pretty nice. Just had to submit DL and SSN ahead of time. My friends got clearance too, so the criteria cant be that bad.

I thought it was funny because they actually LOOK like secret service guys, earpiece and all. You would think they'd at least try not to stand out.
 
2012-11-13 11:27:58 PM
These secession petitions are why we can't have nice things.
 
2012-11-13 11:36:22 PM

Britney Spear's Speculum: These secession petitions are why we can't have nice things.


Shedding Texas, Alabama and Mississippi is not a nice thing?
 
2012-11-13 11:37:53 PM
People's actual names instead of Fark handles? Bah!
 
2012-11-13 11:47:19 PM
Signed!
 
2012-11-13 11:51:00 PM

jaytkay: Britney Spear's Speculum: These secession petitions are why we can't have nice things.

Shedding Texas, Alabama and Mississippi is not a nice thing?


Trade off then. I considered the petition website a 'nice thing'
 
2012-11-14 12:04:06 AM

sethen320: randomjsa: Unfortunately it's too much trouble.

How many of you want to go through the massive checks and such that would be required?

It's not that hard. I attended a party earlier this year where a former president was a guest. The secret service guys were pretty nice. Just had to submit DL and SSN ahead of time. My friends got clearance too, so the criteria cant be that bad.

I thought it was funny because they actually LOOK like secret service guys, earpiece and all. You would think they'd at least try not to stand out.


They probably have to conform to a type. Anyone who doesn't look the part is automatically screened out. A combat Marine Medal of Honor winner probably wouldn't make the cut if he was too short, unassuming or thin.
 
2012-11-14 12:06:08 AM

Bucky Katt: People's actual names instead of Fark handles? Bah!


I signed up using my fark handle.
 
2012-11-14 12:10:13 AM
I was hoping for a presidential recall.
 
2012-11-14 12:15:28 AM
https://www.guerrillamail.com/

throw away e-mail to register
 
2012-11-14 12:16:28 AM
 
2012-11-14 12:20:35 AM

Bathia_Mapes: Bucky Katt: People's actual names instead of Fark handles? Bah!

I signed up using my fark handle.


Me, too. I signed up using my fark handle.

Which is skinnyhead.
 
2012-11-14 02:52:40 AM
#487. I hope that having to create an account doesn't put anyone off from signing that. It just takes a few seconds to do so.
 
2012-11-14 07:04:29 AM
Geez.

Online petitions: "Democracy" for the lazy slackjawed masses. Put up a few more pointless petitions while you're at it.

Why don't you just pray for it to happen? You'll get the same result.
 
2012-11-14 07:20:17 AM
have the President to attend?
 
2012-11-14 07:43:13 AM

target="_blank">abhorrent1: have the President to attend?


Exactly, I weep for the future.
 
2012-11-14 08:10:42 AM

Gyrfalcon: Cythraul: I can just imagine how the Secret Service will react to a gathering of Farkers.

I volunteer to be strip searched by at least five young, healthy male Secret Service agents. They can bring their weapons. And their guns.


I like the way you think.
 
2012-11-14 09:20:06 AM

utsagrad123: MrBallou: ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.

But you can find 25000 who want one.

So make the petition be that every one who signs the petition will get a BJ from Scarlett.


In a row?
 
2012-11-14 09:27:38 AM
Looks like weedlord bonerhitler has a petition
Link NSFW
 
2012-11-14 10:34:49 AM
I enjoy funny internet stuff as much as the next guy but all these dumb petitions to the White House cheapens what is otherwise an awesome idea. If enough people care about it, the president will address the issue. How long is that going to last if every petition that gets enough signatures is a joke?
 
2012-11-14 11:02:49 AM

ModernPrimitive01: I enjoy funny internet stuff as much as the next guy but all these dumb petitions to the White House cheapens what is otherwise an awesome idea. If enough people care about it, the president will address the issue. How long is that going to last if every petition that gets enough signatures is a joke?


Agreed, it belittles the whole thing. This is nothing more than a schoolboy prank, then again, coming to fark for something more intellectual than a fart joke is like trying to get an erection to an episode of the Golden girls, if it happens the likelihood is it was an unintentional act on the part of the dick
 
2012-11-14 11:19:52 AM

Arkanaut: utsagrad123: MrBallou: ManateeGag: Shostie: I'm going to start a petition for a blowjob from Scarlett Johansson.

I don't think the federal government can grant you that. nor will you find 25000 people who want YOU to have one.

But you can find 25000 who want one.

So make the petition be that every one who signs the petition will get a BJ from Scarlett.

In a row?


Well she'll need a break. Maybe 15 minute break every 1000 people or so? That should work.
 
2012-11-14 12:37:45 PM

ManateeGag: ok, we can get this up to 25000 signatures.


Did we ever get Give Joe the Bird up to $25k? No? Then I'm not holding my breath.
 
2012-11-14 06:56:19 PM
If this was merged this with Giving Joe The Bird, I'm in.
 
2012-11-14 08:11:49 PM

jaytkay: AverageAmericanGuy: etherknot: You could also like; not run a window manager.

LOL it's funny because wtf are you talking about?

Looks like a stray comment from the Linux thread


I'm going to start a petition prohibiting extended computer use with multiple browser tabs.
 
2012-11-15 06:14:58 PM
http://i49.tinypic.com/zmz29h.jpg

The Only Petition I Wrote And The Only Other Petition I Signed.
 
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