Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Atlantic)   Top ten ways we injure our genitals. Wearing shorts and sitting in a chair with wide spaces surprisingly not in list   (theatlantic.com) divider line 183
    More: Scary, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, UCSF, space  
•       •       •

18493 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 3:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



183 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-11-13 06:45:26 PM  
media.sacbee.com
 
2012-11-13 06:48:14 PM  

redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?

When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.

Just use Nair. My roommate did it for awhile and he said it worked. I never confirmed, but I doubt he'd have reason to admit using it and continue to use it if it didn't work. Failing that, just go the professional route.


I've heard that Nair burns something fierce.
 
2012-11-13 06:57:01 PM  

Medic Zero: redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?

When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.

Just use Nair. My roommate did it for awhile and he said it worked. I never confirmed, but I doubt he'd have reason to admit using it and continue to use it if it didn't work. Failing that, just go the professional route.

I've heard that Nair burns something fierce.


He said it stung for a bit and he was tender for a day or so, but I also saw him get super drunk and have pick up some strange that same night so maybe just drink a lot?
 
2012-11-13 07:02:02 PM  

99sportster: Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.

Nowhere does it state that said vagina and said shoe belonged to the same individual.


They do now.
 
2012-11-13 07:07:25 PM  

Basily Gourt: LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!

Unless you're super-swarthy, a regular beard trimmer will do you fine. I have a full head of hair, but very little body hair. I leave about 1/8 inch of hair down there, and on me, it looks the same as if I have shaved.

You really don't want to shave down there. Ingrown hairs, cuts, ect. are no fun!


That's my advice. I trim with a cordless electric trimmer. My wife once waxed a little bit of body hair and it was freaking horrible when it grew back. Never again! I trim fairly close to the skin but I never shave or wax.
 
2012-11-13 07:25:43 PM  

FormlessOne: Lucky you. I'm a fuzzball, with wiry hair, and shaving has been the only way to ensure comfort for everybody involved - short hair irritates me, long hair irritates my wife. I typically shave twice a week, so the stubble doesn't get long enough to irritate, and everybody's comfortable. A good moisturizer, coupled with a good soap (plain old Dove works great), and ingrown hairs are a rarity.


I'm the same way - covered in fuzz, but wiry fuzz. Esp scrotally. What kind of razor do you use, if I may ask?
 
2012-11-13 07:29:42 PM  

kg2095: 99sportster: Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.

Nowhere does it state that said vagina and said shoe belonged to the same individual.

They do now.


I really don't think we want to start a rule that says 'once something goes in a vagina, it belongs to the owner of the vagina'
 
2012-11-13 07:56:02 PM  
278 PATIENT DANCING CLOSE TO GIRLS AT HOMECOMING DANCE, DEVELOPED TESTICLE PAIN AFTER DANCE, SWELLING; HYDROCELE, VARICOCELE
 
2012-11-13 08:05:16 PM  
PT STUCK A PIECE OF PLASTIC PEN UP PT'S PENIS, NOW HAVING PAIN DX;* URETHRAL INJURY / FB
 
2012-11-13 08:07:28 PM  
PT FELL ASLEEP WITH "SUCTION DEVICE"O N PENIS, AWOKE AND TOOK HOURS TO REMOVE, NOW HAS PAIN TO FORESKIN.
 
2012-11-13 08:16:22 PM  
PT STUCK A SCREW UP IN PENIS AND INTO BLADDER. DX; FB IN PENIS
 
2012-11-13 08:24:27 PM  
BOYFRIEND INSERTED A BASEBALL IN HER VAGINA 4 HOURS AGO UNABLE TO REMOVAL BASEBALL FOREIGN BODY VAGINA REMOVA
 
2012-11-13 08:34:45 PM  
I was really worried that masturbation was going to be on that list.

You know.. for a friend...
 
2012-11-13 08:43:31 PM  
PUT WINE BOTTLE CORK INTO RECTUM AND UNABLE TO RETRIEVE IT
 
2012-11-13 08:44:24 PM  

Dumski: Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.

This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......


Oh do share. Make it a tf discussion. I'll even sponsor you
 
2012-11-13 08:45:05 PM  
PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION
 
2012-11-13 09:01:22 PM  

phedex: PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION


The others you've posted were good, but that one got a proper LOL. "Sitting on porch" sounds quite close to "standing on corner/street/steps, minding own business." I don't doubt it as truth, but I wouldn't be surprised. :D
 
2012-11-13 09:05:01 PM  

L33t Squirrel: phedex: PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION

The others you've posted were good, but that one got a proper LOL. "Sitting on porch" sounds quite close to "standing on corner/street/steps, minding own business." I don't doubt it as truth, but I wouldn't be surprised. :D


I bet the Brothers Dude were involved somehow.
 
2012-11-13 09:16:22 PM  

Kit Fister: I bet the Brothers Dude were involved somehow.


Or Some Guy. I wonder if he's getting payoffs to send people to the ER, 'cause damn do a lot of people ID him as the cause of their injuries.
 
2012-11-13 09:47:59 PM  
We got a new (lye) detergent for cleaning milking equipment in our barn. A neighbouring dairy farmer had this advice for us,

"Don't get any on your hands. If you do, don't go take a leak. If you take a leak, don't try to wash it off with water"

A few days later I had a bit land on my arm which was wet. It quickly developed into any angry looking burn and hurt like a b**ch.
 
2012-11-13 10:09:42 PM  
1, 3, 4, 6 and one time I had a mosquito or spider get caught in my underwear when I was a kid. It got all bite-y. And thrush, also when I was a little kid. Also, twirling a quarterstaff, and no, that's not a metaphor.

Interesting they don't mention circumcision.
 
2012-11-13 11:09:12 PM  

Oreminer: Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.

Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision

Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!


Oh, why not? Let the freaks get their derp out there for all to see and mock.
 
2012-11-13 11:13:33 PM  
www.mtv.com
 
2012-11-14 01:07:29 AM  
Top ten ways we injure our genitals

i158.photobucket.com


I usually have my Banker take care of that sort of thing for me.
 
2012-11-14 01:51:42 AM  
Finally, some bicycle awareness! I hate it when my penis gets caught in the wheel spokes.
 
2012-11-14 04:50:35 AM  
62 YOM CONTUSION TO PENIS S/P ACCIDENTALLY BENDING PENIS WRONG WHILE CA TCHI IT ON ELASTIC BAND OF HIS SWEATPANTS.*

Wow, just... must have been some heavy duty elastic.

Not-so-C-SB: sledding as a kid, caught a tree to the crotch. My dad got it on video, and still keeps it around for whenever someone I'm dating first visits his house with me.
 
2012-11-14 05:19:53 AM  
The homecoming dance one really made me LOL when I found it.
 
2012-11-14 09:20:14 AM  
My wife works in the OR, and you absolutely DO NOT WANT ME TO REPEAT ANY OF THE STORIES SHE INSISTS ON TELLING ME.

Typically during dinner. Terrifying they are.
 
2012-11-14 12:59:19 PM  

ristst: My wife works in the OR, and you absolutely DO NOT WANT ME TO REPEAT ANY OF THE STORIES SHE INSISTS ON TELLING ME.

Typically during dinner. Terrifying they are.


Mom was a veterinarian when I was a kid and enjoyed telling the family about surgeries and other stuff while over dinner as well. Very few things gross me out anymore. I could probably eat lasagna while watching an autopsy by now. :P
 
2012-11-14 01:25:48 PM  

L33t Squirrel: Very few things gross me out anymore. I could probably eat lasagna while watching an autopsy by now. :P


Well...after several years of changing diapers I developed a very strong stomach.

OK, I'm done cleaning up the hurl....is there any pizza left?

But her stories still creep me out like gangbusters...the words 'shrivel your soul' come to mind.

Wife: "We had this one case today, where..."
Me: "LALALALALA - I'M NOT LISTENING - LALALALA"
 
2012-11-14 02:09:02 PM  

ristst: But her stories still creep me out like gangbusters...the words 'shrivel your soul' come to mind.


Good point. It's one thing to have something weird or gross happen to you, but the stuff that people deliberately inflict upon themselves/others just makes a person stare and go, "what the fark, man."
 
2012-11-14 06:41:08 PM  

L33t Squirrel: Good point. It's one thing to have something weird or gross happen to you, but the stuff that people deliberately inflict upon themselves/others just makes a person stare and go, "what the fark, man."


Dude, you are *so* right....and you don't even know. And trust me when I say this, you don't *want* to know. The stuff she wants to tell me is typically freaking skin-crawling mind-boggling scary. And I'm only privy to a tiny, tiny, tiny, FARKING **TINY** percentage of the stuff that people are doing to others...CURRENTLY. When you throw in the phrase "over human history"....wow. Just wow.

And the weird thing is, the wife just kinda shrugs it off..."meh, it's a living"....
 
2012-11-14 11:09:40 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Lucky you. I'm a fuzzball, with wiry hair, and shaving has been the only way to ensure comfort for everybody involved - short hair irritates me, long hair irritates my wife. I typically shave twice a week, so the stubble doesn't get long enough to irritate, and everybody's comfortable. A good moisturizer, coupled with a good soap (plain old Dove works great), and ingrown hairs are a rarity.

I'm the same way - covered in fuzz, but wiry fuzz. Esp scrotally. What kind of razor do you use, if I may ask?


Merkur Classic with good blades for my face and neck, Gillette Venus for everything else. The Merkur gets used daily, and my facial hair is hard on blades - much, much cheaper this way.
 
Displayed 33 of 183 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report