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(The Atlantic)   Top ten ways we injure our genitals. Wearing shorts and sitting in a chair with wide spaces surprisingly not in list   (theatlantic.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, UCSF, space  
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18503 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 3:44 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-13 04:58:54 PM  

Nina Haagen Dazs: I've hurt myself a couple of times just winding up an extension cord. When you go really fast and get toward the end and the damn thing comes up from underneath and...oh gawd.


I too have been a victim of this phenomenon
 
2012-11-13 04:59:15 PM  

ga362: Had a great dane with a wicked tail that put more than one guy to his knees.


Former room mate had a lanky beagle mix that was very clumsy as a puppy. Every time he'd do the old "prop legs up on KingKauff to get some head scratches" move, his big round and extremely hard noggin would find at least one nut
 
2012-11-13 05:04:12 PM  
Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.
 
2012-11-13 05:04:13 PM  
1. Bicycles (1,212)

s11.postimage.org
 
2012-11-13 05:07:02 PM  
i3.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 05:08:16 PM  
Got a copy of this story when I was in the military cause it was being passed around. This story always makes grown men cringe and women too.  Link
 
2012-11-13 05:10:08 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.


The best advice is start a Total Fark thread on that. I'm sure it'll be resolved to your satisfaction there.
 
2012-11-13 05:13:00 PM  

Spartapuss: LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.

The best advice is start a Total Fark thread on that. I'm sure it'll be resolved to your satisfaction there.


My second biggest nightmare is giving Drew $5.
 
2012-11-13 05:13:22 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.


Captain obvious to the rescue:

t2.gstatic.com
 
gja
2012-11-13 05:14:03 PM  
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

/oblig
 
2012-11-13 05:17:32 PM  

redmid17: Captain obvious to the rescue:

Trimming != shaving.

I'm talking about Dr. Evil "breathtakingly shorn scrotum"-type hairlessness.
 
2012-11-13 05:17:57 PM  
www.heartachewithhardwork.com
Log-rolling.
Some idiot got the idea to strip the bark off the log, which then got slippery with algae.
One foot slips off the north side of the log, the other slips off the south side.
You figure out how that ends.

\from personal ouch-xperience.
 
2012-11-13 05:18:52 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: redmid17: Captain obvious to the rescue:

Trimming != shaving.

I'm talking about Dr. Evil "breathtakingly shorn scrotum"-type hairlessness.


Without commenting on why you would want to be as hairless as an 8 year old boy, just use Nair or pay a professional to do it.
 
2012-11-13 05:20:02 PM  
i220.photobucket.com
Not impressed.
 
2012-11-13 05:22:35 PM  

redmid17: Without commenting on why you would want to be as hairless as an 8 year old boy [...]


funnyfunda.com

We all have our role models.
 
2012-11-13 05:23:56 PM  
onemansblog.com
 
2012-11-13 05:24:47 PM  
Hot soup. Discovered that this weekend.
 
2012-11-13 05:25:14 PM  

redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: redmid17: Captain obvious to the rescue:

Trimming != shaving.

I'm talking about Dr. Evil "breathtakingly shorn scrotum"-type hairlessness.

Without commenting on why you would want to be as hairless as an 8 year old boy, just use Nair or pay a professional to do it.


Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?
 
2012-11-13 05:27:15 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there?


www.buxtons.net
 
2012-11-13 05:27:37 PM  
all i have to say is never trim your ball hair with an electric beard trimmer
 
2012-11-13 05:28:11 PM  
Scrotums: serious business.
 
2012-11-13 05:29:04 PM  

Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?


When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.
 
2012-11-13 05:31:25 PM  
Everybody is wonderin' why I'm lollin'.

That thread was just..irreplaceable. And thoroughly distinguished.
 
2012-11-13 05:31:43 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?

When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.


Just use Nair. My roommate did it for awhile and he said it worked. I never confirmed, but I doubt he'd have reason to admit using it and continue to use it if it didn't work. Failing that, just go the professional route.
 
2012-11-13 05:33:21 PM  

LesterB: If ER/EMT stories are your thing, you can find nine(!) years' worth here: Link

/not a doctor
//didn't write any of them
///read the whole thread though


I LOVE that thread. Like you, I read the whole thing.

It made me proud yet ashamed to be a human being.
 
2012-11-13 05:36:26 PM  

ModernPrimitive01: the worst thing I've ever done to my genitals (other than go out with a couple of my ex-gf's) is cut up a bunch of jalapeno peppers, then go pee right after while all the pepper juice was on my hands. It was unfortunate to say the least. Much ridiculousness followed which included me in the bath tub with a gallon of milk.


That was yet another of the Classic Epic Fark Threads back in the day. (I know that you weren't subby for that one, but I'm sure you're not the only person here who's had it happen.)

Tfer is soaking his man parts in milk due to a jalapeno mishap. How is your day going?. (New window.)
 
2012-11-13 05:38:26 PM  

LeroyBourne: Growing up I played baseball a lot in the summers. I loved playing SS or 3rd base, and I was vicious at going for hard hit ground balls, and never getting out of the way and doing that ol' lay shiat. One particular ball (hit very hard) took a funny bounce and nailed me right in the crotch. I always wore a cup, but still it hurt like hell. I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.
/hit the cycle once, one of my happiest/greatest moments


did you also play football for Polk high?

I kid. I played a lot of sports and can relate to those fond memories of sporting success.

I work as a health care aide in a hospital, and one of the duties is helping people wash up in the morning if they can't do it themselves. there are a couple of women there who are pretty rough on dudes genitals. i tell them go easy, to no avail. i can't stand those women.

getting hit in the nuts is one of the most painful things that can happen to a guy, I think mostly because its unexpected most of the time.
 
2012-11-13 05:40:28 PM  

Cythraul: 11) Overzealous fellatio.


Ok, I don't know who's been wrapping their lips around you, but they're CLEARLY DOING IT WRONG.
 
2012-11-13 05:46:43 PM  

redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.

Captain obvious to the rescue:

[t2.gstatic.com image 234x216]


Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)
 
2012-11-13 05:52:15 PM  

FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)


This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!
 
2012-11-13 05:53:39 PM  

FormlessOne: redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.

Captain obvious to the rescue:

[t2.gstatic.com image 234x216]

Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)


I wasn't aware he was advocating shaving, shaving instead of trimming. I would not use an electric razor with a guard for actually bare skin shaving, trimming only.
 
2012-11-13 05:54:33 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!


I should think you should know your body well enough, and know your way around a razor well enough, to not have to ask for pointers. I'm just saying. Lady bits are every bit as complicated, if not more. I don't have the experience of shaving my face, and I've never sliced myself open.

*shrug*
 
2012-11-13 05:56:52 PM  

AndreMA: I should be in the kitchen: I'm still trying to figure that one out... Unless the patient's leg snapped in half I'm gonna call BS on that being a slip and fall "accident".

It doesn't say she was wearing the shoe. Perhaps she was cleaning her closet, shoes were strewn about, and she slipped and fell on one.


You're probably right. The way I imagined it was funnier though ;-)
 
2012-11-13 05:58:53 PM  

Dr Dreidel: In Amsterdam, they have stanchions to prevent cars from going down certain streets. I'm kind of a tall guy, enough that I could walk right over one with about 2-3" clearance.

So we're planning our next moves, when I turn around to begin walking...right into one of those posts. Caught me right under the hip, only a few centimeters from paydirt.

// I celebrated later with one of the nice ladies standing in the windows - I assume to warn pedestrians of the hazards of those posts
// she also made sure there was no damage to the affected area



She sounds like a friendly Amsterdamsel.
 
2012-11-13 05:59:13 PM  

kiwimoogle84: I should think you should know your body well enough, and know your way around a razor well enough, to not have to ask for pointers. I'm just saying.


Unlike many people, I've never checked out my anus using a handheld mirror.

Some things are still a mystery to me. Just sayin'.
 
2012-11-13 06:02:26 PM  

Oreminer: Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.

Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision

Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!



I was going to, then you cut me off.
 
2012-11-13 06:02:29 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!


Unless you're super-swarthy, a regular beard trimmer will do you fine. I have a full head of hair, but very little body hair. I leave about 1/8 inch of hair down there, and on me, it looks the same as if I have shaved.

You really don't want to shave down there. Ingrown hairs, cuts, ect. are no fun!
 
2012-11-13 06:02:38 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: kiwimoogle84: I should think you should know your body well enough, and know your way around a razor well enough, to not have to ask for pointers. I'm just saying.

Unlike many people, I've never checked out my anus using a handheld mirror.

Some things are still a mystery to me. Just sayin'.


Meh, don't have to. Maybe I just fap more than most women and therefore know every square inch of skin. *shrugs* glad you're taking initiative though. Some men just go au naturel. Not a good look for most of ya.
 
2012-11-13 06:03:43 PM  

Amos Quito: Oreminer: Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.

Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision

Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!


I was going to, then you cut me off.


Well played, sir. Well played.
 
2012-11-13 06:04:11 PM  
I'm injuring them as we speak!


/nah, just giving them a stern talking-to
 
2012-11-13 06:06:32 PM  

LesterB: If ER/EMT stories are your thing, you can find nine(!) years' worth here: Link

/not a doctor
//didn't write any of them
///read the whole thread though


I'm only on page two and I'm already laughing. I always feel a bit bad for EMTs and ER workers because they have to deal with the dumbest and most egregious wastes of carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen (except for politicians, zing!), but gawd DAMN if they don't have some of the best stories. Bookmarked to read with a couple of beers later tonight!
 
2012-11-13 06:08:40 PM  
I've been to the ER twice after receiving significant injuries during unbelievable sex. Have you? Didn't think so.
 
2012-11-13 06:09:58 PM  

NutWrench: It's possible to break your penis!


Holy shiat, I farking laughed soooo hard at this gem...

"We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap."

Hahahaha
 
2012-11-13 06:19:11 PM  

JonnyG: I've been to the ER twice after receiving significant injuries during unbelievable sex. Have you? Didn't think so.


I had a bruised cervix once. Didn't notice until an hour after sex because it was so good and intense, I passed right out after haha
 
2012-11-13 06:22:40 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: This reminds me of the near-fatal abscess I developed in my scrotum, post-vasectomy. It seems 2% of patients develop an infection secondary to vasectomy surgery. Of those, some tiny percentage fails to respond to antibiotics and becomes an abscess. In my case this lead to a week in the hospital undergoing three surgeries in an episode we now know as...

The Passion of My Ballsack


Man am I glad I got mine lasered!
 
2012-11-13 06:24:50 PM  
 
2012-11-13 06:27:23 PM  
Surprised to see overenthusiastic-and-uncoordinated girl-on-top is not on the list.
 
2012-11-13 06:37:32 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


I would say that in the fall the shoe came off and ended up upside-down and she then landed on it.
 
2012-11-13 06:40:23 PM  

Basily Gourt: LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!

Unless you're super-swarthy, a regular beard trimmer will do you fine. I have a full head of hair, but very little body hair. I leave about 1/8 inch of hair down there, and on me, it looks the same as if I have shaved.

You really don't want to shave down there. Ingrown hairs, cuts, ect. are no fun!


Lucky you. I'm a fuzzball, with wiry hair, and shaving has been the only way to ensure comfort for everybody involved - short hair irritates me, long hair irritates my wife. I typically shave twice a week, so the stubble doesn't get long enough to irritate, and everybody's comfortable. A good moisturizer, coupled with a good soap (plain old Dove works great), and ingrown hairs are a rarity.
 
2012-11-13 06:41:34 PM  

Loren: Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?

I would say that in the fall the shoe came off and ended up upside-down and she then landed on it.


That's right up there with the "I was gardening naked and I slipped - that's how the cucumber ended up lodged seven inches into my rectum" bit.
 
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