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(The Atlantic)   Top ten ways we injure our genitals. Wearing shorts and sitting in a chair with wide spaces surprisingly not in list   (theatlantic.com) divider line 183
    More: Scary, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, UCSF, space  
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18485 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 3:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-13 11:55:11 AM  
Uh, that's a list of 7 ways. Or possibly 12 if you accept the specific examples from the database, which are somewhat horrifying. But I'm not sure how you get a top ten list out of that.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:25 PM  
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2012-11-13 12:10:10 PM  
11) Overzealous fellatio.
 
2012-11-13 12:13:29 PM  
Ain't no way in hell imma clickin that link. :/
 
2012-11-13 12:15:38 PM  
i48.tinypic.com
 
2012-11-13 12:24:48 PM  
cdn1.hark.com
#7: The Zipper
 
2012-11-13 12:35:01 PM  
12: Installing a ceiling fan. (Well, the instructions weren't clear)
 
2012-11-13 12:59:51 PM  
Pick up basketball is rightfully on that list. People going for steals and people trying to save the ball from going out of bounds are the biggest offenders
 
2012-11-13 01:05:52 PM  
iamtransgendered.com
 
2012-11-13 01:07:01 PM  
CONTUSION PENIS

sounds like a good band name, leave the caps
 
2012-11-13 01:40:23 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 01:45:16 PM  

Sybarite: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x504]


That timeless Christmas classic, The Nutcracker
 
2012-11-13 01:50:19 PM  
Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.
 
2012-11-13 02:15:17 PM  

Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.


www.realfunfood.com
 
2012-11-13 02:22:50 PM  
Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.
 
2012-11-13 02:39:06 PM  
Well, that database has some scary entries:

Narrative: 15 YOM WAS RIDING A BULL IN THE RODEO AND WAS BUCKED OFF AND THE BULL STEPPED ON HIS SCROTUM. DX: TESTICULAR TRAUMA

Narrative: 15YOM PLACED SEWING NEEDLE IN PENIS, UNABLE TO PULL OUT, LODGED IN URET HRA W/PAIN, DYSURIA, NOT SELF INJURY RELATED; FB REMOVED

/O__O
 
2012-11-13 03:13:21 PM  
vh1.mtvnimages.com
 
2012-11-13 03:14:24 PM  
www.dadwagon.com
 
2012-11-13 03:21:10 PM  
=====/\ >

Circumcision
 
2012-11-13 03:22:27 PM  
i277.photobucket.com 
Lets not leave the rectum out of the discussion, please.
 
2012-11-13 03:25:44 PM  
Oh, and this:
i277.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 03:27:01 PM  

Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.


This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......
 
2012-11-13 03:47:25 PM  
"Making youtube videos"?
 
2012-11-13 03:48:38 PM  
AT A CLUB LAST NIGHT AND FELL OFF A SPEAKER LANDING ON THE EDGE OF THE SPEAKER, BRUISING R LABIA

I want to party with this chick.
 
2012-11-13 03:49:15 PM  

Dumski: Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.

This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......


Ahem...you think you can just stop at "so many stories..."?
 
2012-11-13 03:49:22 PM  
 
2012-11-13 03:49:32 PM  
crunchy peanut butter
 
2012-11-13 03:51:28 PM  
1 - check
2 - check
4 - check
5 - check
6 - check
7 - check

So, the only thing I haven't done is put my junk in a zipper and zipped it. But do piercings count as partial credit?
 
2012-11-13 03:52:14 PM  
Well, that list explains Subby's ten inch penis, even allowing for rounding up.

But list fails without auto-fellatio.
 
2012-11-13 03:53:03 PM  
It's possible to break your penis!
 
2012-11-13 03:53:09 PM  
Size tends to make these problems less of an issue, I guess some of us are just lucky.
 
2012-11-13 03:53:40 PM  

brantgoose: Well, that list explains Subby's ten inch penis, even allowing for rounding up.

But list fails without auto-fellatio.


yeah, I ain't putting my banana in the tailpipe again.
 
2012-11-13 03:54:12 PM  
pairadimes.davidtruss.com

I'm Dr. Zilman. Here at the Scrotal Institute...
 
2012-11-13 03:54:21 PM  
Growing up I played baseball a lot in the summers. I loved playing SS or 3rd base, and I was vicious at going for hard hit ground balls, and never getting out of the way and doing that ol' lay shiat. One particular ball (hit very hard) took a funny bounce and nailed me right in the crotch. I always wore a cup, but still it hurt like hell. I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.
/hit the cycle once, one of my happiest/greatest moments
 
2012-11-13 03:54:46 PM  

xanadian: Ain't no way in hell imma clickin that link. :/

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

SkylineRecords:
Dumski: Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.
This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......

Ahem...you think you can just stop at "so many stories..."?


Yes. Yes he can and hopefully will.
 
2012-11-13 03:55:00 PM  
took a frozen tennis ball to the gonads from an NHL player when I was young.
My high voice still breaks crystal 30 years later.
 
2012-11-13 03:55:35 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: [i48.tinypic.com image 609x753]


Holy carp. Remember reading those in National Lampoon magazine.
Yeah, I'm old.
 
2012-11-13 03:55:40 PM  

Blues_X: [img.photobucket.com image 300x430]


I remember getting into that thread early on and saying to myself, "this is going to be epic and I can't risk being sober for it" followed by me hitting the Maker's Mark pretty hard.

Good times....
 
2012-11-13 03:56:05 PM  
VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?
 
2012-11-13 03:56:27 PM  

SnakeLee: Pick up basketball is rightfully on that list. People going for steals and people trying to save the ball from going out of bounds are the biggest offenders


In my defense, it's a lot easier to steal the ball if I punch you in the nuts before I try and take it.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:37 PM  
FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:56 PM  
Sliding out of an SUV seat.
 
2012-11-13 03:57:10 PM  
I just skimmed the article but I didn't see "because it was stuck in the chicken" on there
 
2012-11-13 03:58:03 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


He slips off the edge of the bed and forgets to let go of your ankles.
 
2012-11-13 03:59:32 PM  
Playing roller derby sometimes we had awkward falls where we'd land on our own skates or sometimes someone else's. We call those giner shiners...
 
2012-11-13 04:00:19 PM  

redmid17: SnakeLee: Pick up basketball is rightfully on that list. People going for steals and people trying to save the ball from going out of bounds are the biggest offenders

In my defense, it's a lot easier to steal the ball if I punch you in the nuts before I try and take it.


You sound like a chucker. You're a chucker!
 
2012-11-13 04:00:43 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


F*ck Me Pumps that do what they are told?
 
2012-11-13 04:01:13 PM  

Dumski: [i277.photobucket.com image 224x224] 
Lets not leave the rectum out of the discussion, please.


Rectum? Damn near kill'em !

/sorry had to be done
 
2012-11-13 04:01:18 PM  
Bathroom falls and mishaps... surrrreeeeee

"Honest doctor! I was washing my hair when I slipped and fell and the shampoo bottle got stuck up my ass!"
 
2012-11-13 04:02:19 PM  
does herpes count? because if so

13. Subby's mom
 
2012-11-13 04:02:22 PM  
Getting told during a break up that it wasn't an easy decision since you are apparently "kinda the perfect guy" and getting confused and hung up on that statement. Repeated self ball kicking should be on the list.
 
2012-11-13 04:02:39 PM  
How can I be the first to link to this epic Fark thread? You people are slipping.

/saw the pic above
//not the same as a link to story
 
2012-11-13 04:02:44 PM  

LeroyBourne: I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.


The sound would have been much less impressive, and the pain much more.
 
2012-11-13 04:04:18 PM  
fubegra.net
 
2012-11-13 04:06:42 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


Million to one shot, doc.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:11 PM  
Zipper, chair, toilet seat, and the classic 'pissed recent ex's knee'...

Could be worse I suppose... I once saw a guy catch a line drive with his nads, sans cup /shudder
 
2012-11-13 04:07:28 PM  

karmaceutical: AT A CLUB LAST NIGHT AND FELL OFF A SPEAKER LANDING ON THE EDGE OF THE SPEAKER, BRUISING R LABIA

I want to party with this chick.


Yeah, she still has an unblemished, left one to play with.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:46 PM  

Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.


It doesn't say it was her shoe.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:57 PM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: CONTUSION PENIS

sounds like a good band name, leave the caps


Testicular Torsion

Scrotal Contusion

Fellatio Concussion
 
2012-11-13 04:08:42 PM  

Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.


Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision


Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!
 
2012-11-13 04:09:17 PM  
I was riding a barrel racing horse and it came to an extremely abrupt stop. My boys came down right on the pommel.
It was excruciating, but I managed to dismount and walk away...[Falsetto]"Welp....'bout time for me to be hitting the ol' dusty trail"[\Falsetto]
 
2012-11-13 04:11:43 PM  
VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

anybody mention this. One in a million doc. one in a million
 
2012-11-13 04:12:16 PM  

Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.


Nowhere does it state that said vagina and said shoe belonged to the same individual.
 
2012-11-13 04:12:40 PM  
FTFA: We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap.

And then?
 
2012-11-13 04:13:39 PM  
The surgery to fix testicular torsion leaves a scar that's hard to explain.
 
2012-11-13 04:16:22 PM  
This reminds me of the near-fatal abscess I developed in my scrotum, post-vasectomy. It seems 2% of patients develop an infection secondary to vasectomy surgery. Of those, some tiny percentage fails to respond to antibiotics and becomes an abscess. In my case this lead to a week in the hospital undergoing three surgeries in an episode we now know as...

The Passion of My Ballsack
 
2012-11-13 04:17:53 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com 
i1125.photobucket.com
i1125.photobucket.com
[/PSA]

/Just a few that I thunked of.
 
2012-11-13 04:18:35 PM  
Also missing: "Hold my beer and watch this!"
 
2012-11-13 04:18:39 PM  
16.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-13 04:24:32 PM  

LeroyBourne: redmid17: SnakeLee: Pick up basketball is rightfully on that list. People going for steals and people trying to save the ball from going out of bounds are the biggest offenders

In my defense, it's a lot easier to steal the ball if I punch you in the nuts before I try and take it.

You sound like a chucker. You're a chucker!


You snuck a peak didn't you?
 
2012-11-13 04:26:41 PM  
My sister is an RN who worked in the emergency room for a few years. Once she told me about the 12 year old girl who was brought into the ER after she attempted to climb over one of those old fashioned spike top iron fences. I'll spare you the details, but after the doctors got everything sewn back up, she made a full recovery..........physical recovery.
 
2012-11-13 04:27:05 PM  

Dumski: [i277.photobucket.com image 224x224] 
Lets not leave the rectum out of the discussion, please.


a248.e.akamai.net
 
2012-11-13 04:27:29 PM  

99sportster: Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.

Nowhere does it state that said vagina and said shoe belonged to the same individual.


Shoes can fall off and heels can break.
 
2012-11-13 04:28:51 PM  
the worst thing I've ever done to my genitals (other than go out with a couple of my ex-gf's) is cut up a bunch of jalapeno peppers, then go pee right after while all the pepper juice was on my hands. It was unfortunate to say the least. Much ridiculousness followed which included me in the bath tub with a gallon of milk.

/I'm surprised piercings aren't listed but I supposed they aren't counting purposeful injury
 
2012-11-13 04:29:12 PM  

Odd Bird: xanadian: Ain't no way in hell imma clickin that link. :/
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

SkylineRecords: Dumski: Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.
This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......

Ahem...you think you can just stop at "so many stories..."?

Yes. Yes he can and hopefully will.


If ER/EMT stories are your thing, you can find nine(!) years' worth here: Link

/not a doctor
//didn't write any of them
///read the whole thread though
 
2012-11-13 04:30:43 PM  
cdn.trendhunterstatic.com
 
2012-11-13 04:32:50 PM  
Black guys.
 
2012-11-13 04:35:34 PM  

kxs401: Black guys.


White guys.
 
2012-11-13 04:36:09 PM  
What happened to "I was vacuuming the stairs wearing only a dressing gown when it came untied, flapped open and ..."
 
2012-11-13 04:37:13 PM  
I've hurt myself a couple of times just winding up an extension cord. When you go really fast and get toward the end and the damn thing comes up from underneath and...oh gawd.
 
2012-11-13 04:37:41 PM  

Dead for Tax Reasons: [iamtransgendered.com image 279x281]


No laughing matter.

/emergency surgery when I was 16
//not a CSB.
 
2012-11-13 04:38:10 PM  
#23 Sitting on a blazing hot leather car seat while going commando.
 
2012-11-13 04:39:18 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


I never had one end up there, but I did fall down steps ass-over-teakettle and have my left spike heel make a nice puncture wound in my inner right thigh. It hurt like hell as did the sprained left ankle. But I was lucky that was the worst of the damage considering they were concrete steps.
 
2012-11-13 04:40:23 PM  

LeroyBourne: Growing up I played baseball a lot in the summers. I loved playing SS or 3rd base, and I was vicious at going for hard hit ground balls, and never getting out of the way and doing that ol' lay shiat. One particular ball (hit very hard) took a funny bounce and nailed me right in the crotch. I always wore a cup, but still it hurt like hell. I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.
/hit the cycle once, one of my happiest/greatest moments


One of the positions I played was catcher. One day at practice, the batter foul tips the ball. It bounced straight down then gor the underside of my nuts right where the cup ends.
 
2012-11-13 04:41:01 PM  

Gramma: I never had one end up there, but I did fall down steps ass-over-teakettle and have my left spike heel make a nice puncture wound in my inner right thigh. It hurt like hell as did the sprained left ankle. But I was lucky that was the worst of the damage considering they were concrete steps.


weirdestboner.jpg
 
2012-11-13 04:41:45 PM  
Near miss I had as a teenager:

There was a low rock outcropping (barely above grade) in our back yard that I'd spent a summer attacking with a sledge and sometimes a chisel, sometimes a star drill. I have the chisel firmly wedged in a crevasse and I'm kneeling with my knees apart, going to town with a small sledgehammer.

The only thing that saved my boys when it popped out was the fact that I hadn't pulled up my jeans; the crotch of which was stretched taut an inch or two from my sack. Got a hell of a bruise on my thigh though. I'm going to guess that the somewhat mushroomed head of the chisel impacted first so it didn't cut through the fabric.

If things had gone differently, I wouldn't have needed that vasectomy years later...
 
2012-11-13 04:42:34 PM  

bingo the psych-o: kxs401: Black guys.

White guys.


Backin' up, backin' up, backin' up, backin' up -
 
2012-11-13 04:43:42 PM  
The original "Please help me, my balls are stuck in this chair" thread was possibly the funniest one of all time. I'll never forget sitting in my cubicle at my shiatty call center job laughing my ass off. 
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/tiltedkilt/20060417nutsack 1.jpg">
 
2012-11-13 04:43:59 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


I'm still trying to figure that one out... Unless the patient's leg snapped in half I'm gonna call BS on that being a slip and fall "accident".
 
2012-11-13 04:45:12 PM  

redmid17: LeroyBourne: redmid17: SnakeLee: Pick up basketball is rightfully on that list. People going for steals and people trying to save the ball from going out of bounds are the biggest offenders

In my defense, it's a lot easier to steal the ball if I punch you in the nuts before I try and take it.

You sound like a chucker. You're a chucker!

You snuck a peak didn't you?


I snuck a peak, but it was so fast it was just a blur.
 
2012-11-13 04:47:04 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


If you GIS "high heel in vagina" without safesearch you'll see a few pictures of women doing in on purpose.

But actually I can very much imagine how you'd fall in such a way. If you fall down in more of a 'collapse' manner than in a backwards/forwards manner and land with your foot/heel under your crotch, it can easily bruise or scrape the labia no matter what style of shoe, and depending on the shape and length of the heel, could also go inwards.
 
2012-11-13 04:50:27 PM  

KingKauff: LeroyBourne: Growing up I played baseball a lot in the summers. I loved playing SS or 3rd base, and I was vicious at going for hard hit ground balls, and never getting out of the way and doing that ol' lay shiat. One particular ball (hit very hard) took a funny bounce and nailed me right in the crotch. I always wore a cup, but still it hurt like hell. I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.
/hit the cycle once, one of my happiest/greatest moments

One of the positions I played was catcher. One day at practice, the batter foul tips the ball. It bounced straight down then gor the underside of my nuts right where the cup ends.


That's the kind of pain that just induces vomiting right then and there. Yikes.
 
2012-11-13 04:50:48 PM  
In Amsterdam, they have stanchions to prevent cars from going down certain streets. I'm kind of a tall guy, enough that I could walk right over one with about 2-3" clearance.

So we're planning our next moves, when I turn around to begin walking...right into one of those posts. Caught me right under the hip, only a few centimeters from paydirt.

// I celebrated later with one of the nice ladies standing in the windows - I assume to warn pedestrians of the hazards of those posts
// she also made sure there was no damage to the affected area
 
2012-11-13 04:51:44 PM  

I should be in the kitchen: I'm still trying to figure that one out... Unless the patient's leg snapped in half I'm gonna call BS on that being a slip and fall "accident".


It doesn't say she was wearing the shoe. Perhaps she was cleaning her closet, shoes were strewn about, and she slipped and fell on one.
 
2012-11-13 04:51:47 PM  
14. Injecting them with a substance?

hollywoodbrief.com
 
2012-11-13 04:54:42 PM  
Had a great dane with a wicked tail that put more than one guy to his knees.
 
2012-11-13 04:57:18 PM  
Nothing about paying a girl with six inch stiletto heels to jump on em? hmmmmmmmmm
 
2012-11-13 04:57:20 PM  

Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.


Actually, I slipped and somehow heeled myself in the vag before. (I was wearing tennis shoes, so nothing got lodged.) You slip just right and one leg goes straight out and the other kind of bends up under you. Luckily I'm felixible enough that the odd limb position doesn't hurt. Slamming your vag down on your foot so hard that it feels like someone's kicked you? Now that hurts like hell.
 
2012-11-13 04:57:30 PM  

LesterB: Odd Bird: xanadian: Ain't no way in hell imma clickin that link. :/
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

SkylineRecords: Dumski: Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.
This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......

Ahem...you think you can just stop at "so many stories..."?

Yes. Yes he can and hopefully will.

If ER/EMT stories are your thing, you can find nine(!) years' worth here: Link

/not a doctor
//didn't write any of them
///read the whole thread though


Thanks for the link. I'm really enjoying all the stories.

One thing that keeps coming into my mind through the whole thing is that I'd wager a lot of these people don't have health insurance and the ER is the only place they know to go to. (Many of the descriptions are of poor people)
 
2012-11-13 04:57:44 PM  

LeroyBourne: KingKauff: LeroyBourne: Growing up I played baseball a lot in the summers. I loved playing SS or 3rd base, and I was vicious at going for hard hit ground balls, and never getting out of the way and doing that ol' lay shiat. One particular ball (hit very hard) took a funny bounce and nailed me right in the crotch. I always wore a cup, but still it hurt like hell. I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.
/hit the cycle once, one of my happiest/greatest moments

One of the positions I played was catcher. One day at practice, the batter foul tips the ball. It bounced straight down then gor the underside of my nuts right where the cup ends.

That's the kind of pain that just induces vomiting right then and there. Yikes.


It wasn't fun, that's for sure
 
2012-11-13 04:58:54 PM  

Nina Haagen Dazs: I've hurt myself a couple of times just winding up an extension cord. When you go really fast and get toward the end and the damn thing comes up from underneath and...oh gawd.


I too have been a victim of this phenomenon
 
2012-11-13 04:59:15 PM  

ga362: Had a great dane with a wicked tail that put more than one guy to his knees.


Former room mate had a lanky beagle mix that was very clumsy as a puppy. Every time he'd do the old "prop legs up on KingKauff to get some head scratches" move, his big round and extremely hard noggin would find at least one nut
 
2012-11-13 05:04:12 PM  
Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.
 
2012-11-13 05:04:13 PM  
1. Bicycles (1,212)

s11.postimage.org
 
2012-11-13 05:07:02 PM  
i3.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 05:08:16 PM  
Got a copy of this story when I was in the military cause it was being passed around. This story always makes grown men cringe and women too.  Link
 
2012-11-13 05:10:08 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.


The best advice is start a Total Fark thread on that. I'm sure it'll be resolved to your satisfaction there.
 
2012-11-13 05:13:00 PM  

Spartapuss: LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.

The best advice is start a Total Fark thread on that. I'm sure it'll be resolved to your satisfaction there.


My second biggest nightmare is giving Drew $5.
 
2012-11-13 05:13:22 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.


Captain obvious to the rescue:

t2.gstatic.com
 
gja
2012-11-13 05:14:03 PM  
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

/oblig
 
2012-11-13 05:17:32 PM  

redmid17: Captain obvious to the rescue:

Trimming != shaving.

I'm talking about Dr. Evil "breathtakingly shorn scrotum"-type hairlessness.
 
2012-11-13 05:17:57 PM  
www.heartachewithhardwork.com
Log-rolling.
Some idiot got the idea to strip the bark off the log, which then got slippery with algae.
One foot slips off the north side of the log, the other slips off the south side.
You figure out how that ends.

\from personal ouch-xperience.
 
2012-11-13 05:18:52 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: redmid17: Captain obvious to the rescue:

Trimming != shaving.

I'm talking about Dr. Evil "breathtakingly shorn scrotum"-type hairlessness.


Without commenting on why you would want to be as hairless as an 8 year old boy, just use Nair or pay a professional to do it.
 
2012-11-13 05:20:02 PM  
i220.photobucket.com
Not impressed.
 
2012-11-13 05:22:35 PM  

redmid17: Without commenting on why you would want to be as hairless as an 8 year old boy [...]


funnyfunda.com

We all have our role models.
 
2012-11-13 05:23:56 PM  
onemansblog.com
 
2012-11-13 05:24:47 PM  
Hot soup. Discovered that this weekend.
 
2012-11-13 05:25:14 PM  

redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: redmid17: Captain obvious to the rescue:

Trimming != shaving.

I'm talking about Dr. Evil "breathtakingly shorn scrotum"-type hairlessness.

Without commenting on why you would want to be as hairless as an 8 year old boy, just use Nair or pay a professional to do it.


Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?
 
2012-11-13 05:27:15 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there?


www.buxtons.net
 
2012-11-13 05:27:37 PM  
all i have to say is never trim your ball hair with an electric beard trimmer
 
2012-11-13 05:28:11 PM  
Scrotums: serious business.
 
2012-11-13 05:29:04 PM  

Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?


When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.
 
2012-11-13 05:31:25 PM  
Everybody is wonderin' why I'm lollin'.

That thread was just..irreplaceable. And thoroughly distinguished.
 
2012-11-13 05:31:43 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?

When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.


Just use Nair. My roommate did it for awhile and he said it worked. I never confirmed, but I doubt he'd have reason to admit using it and continue to use it if it didn't work. Failing that, just go the professional route.
 
2012-11-13 05:33:21 PM  

LesterB: If ER/EMT stories are your thing, you can find nine(!) years' worth here: Link

/not a doctor
//didn't write any of them
///read the whole thread though


I LOVE that thread. Like you, I read the whole thing.

It made me proud yet ashamed to be a human being.
 
2012-11-13 05:36:26 PM  

ModernPrimitive01: the worst thing I've ever done to my genitals (other than go out with a couple of my ex-gf's) is cut up a bunch of jalapeno peppers, then go pee right after while all the pepper juice was on my hands. It was unfortunate to say the least. Much ridiculousness followed which included me in the bath tub with a gallon of milk.


That was yet another of the Classic Epic Fark Threads back in the day. (I know that you weren't subby for that one, but I'm sure you're not the only person here who's had it happen.)

Tfer is soaking his man parts in milk due to a jalapeno mishap. How is your day going?. (New window.)
 
2012-11-13 05:38:26 PM  

LeroyBourne: Growing up I played baseball a lot in the summers. I loved playing SS or 3rd base, and I was vicious at going for hard hit ground balls, and never getting out of the way and doing that ol' lay shiat. One particular ball (hit very hard) took a funny bounce and nailed me right in the crotch. I always wore a cup, but still it hurt like hell. I always wonder what could of happened if I wasn't wearing one.
/hit the cycle once, one of my happiest/greatest moments


did you also play football for Polk high?

I kid. I played a lot of sports and can relate to those fond memories of sporting success.

I work as a health care aide in a hospital, and one of the duties is helping people wash up in the morning if they can't do it themselves. there are a couple of women there who are pretty rough on dudes genitals. i tell them go easy, to no avail. i can't stand those women.

getting hit in the nuts is one of the most painful things that can happen to a guy, I think mostly because its unexpected most of the time.
 
2012-11-13 05:40:28 PM  

Cythraul: 11) Overzealous fellatio.


Ok, I don't know who's been wrapping their lips around you, but they're CLEARLY DOING IT WRONG.
 
2012-11-13 05:46:43 PM  

redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.

Captain obvious to the rescue:

[t2.gstatic.com image 234x216]


Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)
 
2012-11-13 05:52:15 PM  

FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)


This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!
 
2012-11-13 05:53:39 PM  

FormlessOne: redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Serious question:

Any advice for us guys on the best way to shave down there? I have nightmares about cutting myself and bleeding out in the bathtub.

Captain obvious to the rescue:

[t2.gstatic.com image 234x216]

Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)


I wasn't aware he was advocating shaving, shaving instead of trimming. I would not use an electric razor with a guard for actually bare skin shaving, trimming only.
 
2012-11-13 05:54:33 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!


I should think you should know your body well enough, and know your way around a razor well enough, to not have to ask for pointers. I'm just saying. Lady bits are every bit as complicated, if not more. I don't have the experience of shaving my face, and I've never sliced myself open.

*shrug*
 
2012-11-13 05:56:52 PM  

AndreMA: I should be in the kitchen: I'm still trying to figure that one out... Unless the patient's leg snapped in half I'm gonna call BS on that being a slip and fall "accident".

It doesn't say she was wearing the shoe. Perhaps she was cleaning her closet, shoes were strewn about, and she slipped and fell on one.


You're probably right. The way I imagined it was funnier though ;-)
 
2012-11-13 05:58:53 PM  

Dr Dreidel: In Amsterdam, they have stanchions to prevent cars from going down certain streets. I'm kind of a tall guy, enough that I could walk right over one with about 2-3" clearance.

So we're planning our next moves, when I turn around to begin walking...right into one of those posts. Caught me right under the hip, only a few centimeters from paydirt.

// I celebrated later with one of the nice ladies standing in the windows - I assume to warn pedestrians of the hazards of those posts
// she also made sure there was no damage to the affected area



She sounds like a friendly Amsterdamsel.
 
2012-11-13 05:59:13 PM  

kiwimoogle84: I should think you should know your body well enough, and know your way around a razor well enough, to not have to ask for pointers. I'm just saying.


Unlike many people, I've never checked out my anus using a handheld mirror.

Some things are still a mystery to me. Just sayin'.
 
2012-11-13 06:02:26 PM  

Oreminer: Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.

Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision

Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!



I was going to, then you cut me off.
 
2012-11-13 06:02:29 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!


Unless you're super-swarthy, a regular beard trimmer will do you fine. I have a full head of hair, but very little body hair. I leave about 1/8 inch of hair down there, and on me, it looks the same as if I have shaved.

You really don't want to shave down there. Ingrown hairs, cuts, ect. are no fun!
 
2012-11-13 06:02:38 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: kiwimoogle84: I should think you should know your body well enough, and know your way around a razor well enough, to not have to ask for pointers. I'm just saying.

Unlike many people, I've never checked out my anus using a handheld mirror.

Some things are still a mystery to me. Just sayin'.


Meh, don't have to. Maybe I just fap more than most women and therefore know every square inch of skin. *shrugs* glad you're taking initiative though. Some men just go au naturel. Not a good look for most of ya.
 
2012-11-13 06:03:43 PM  

Amos Quito: Oreminer: Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.

Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision

Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!


I was going to, then you cut me off.


Well played, sir. Well played.
 
2012-11-13 06:04:11 PM  
I'm injuring them as we speak!


/nah, just giving them a stern talking-to
 
2012-11-13 06:06:32 PM  

LesterB: If ER/EMT stories are your thing, you can find nine(!) years' worth here: Link

/not a doctor
//didn't write any of them
///read the whole thread though


I'm only on page two and I'm already laughing. I always feel a bit bad for EMTs and ER workers because they have to deal with the dumbest and most egregious wastes of carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen (except for politicians, zing!), but gawd DAMN if they don't have some of the best stories. Bookmarked to read with a couple of beers later tonight!
 
2012-11-13 06:08:40 PM  
I've been to the ER twice after receiving significant injuries during unbelievable sex. Have you? Didn't think so.
 
2012-11-13 06:09:58 PM  

NutWrench: It's possible to break your penis!


Holy shiat, I farking laughed soooo hard at this gem...

"We had this patient who suffered penile fracture after running across the room and trying to penetrate his wife with a flying leap."

Hahahaha
 
2012-11-13 06:19:11 PM  

JonnyG: I've been to the ER twice after receiving significant injuries during unbelievable sex. Have you? Didn't think so.


I had a bruised cervix once. Didn't notice until an hour after sex because it was so good and intense, I passed right out after haha
 
2012-11-13 06:22:40 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: This reminds me of the near-fatal abscess I developed in my scrotum, post-vasectomy. It seems 2% of patients develop an infection secondary to vasectomy surgery. Of those, some tiny percentage fails to respond to antibiotics and becomes an abscess. In my case this lead to a week in the hospital undergoing three surgeries in an episode we now know as...

The Passion of My Ballsack


Man am I glad I got mine lasered!
 
2012-11-13 06:24:50 PM  
 
2012-11-13 06:27:23 PM  
Surprised to see overenthusiastic-and-uncoordinated girl-on-top is not on the list.
 
2012-11-13 06:37:32 PM  

Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?


I would say that in the fall the shoe came off and ended up upside-down and she then landed on it.
 
2012-11-13 06:40:23 PM  

Basily Gourt: LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!

Unless you're super-swarthy, a regular beard trimmer will do you fine. I have a full head of hair, but very little body hair. I leave about 1/8 inch of hair down there, and on me, it looks the same as if I have shaved.

You really don't want to shave down there. Ingrown hairs, cuts, ect. are no fun!


Lucky you. I'm a fuzzball, with wiry hair, and shaving has been the only way to ensure comfort for everybody involved - short hair irritates me, long hair irritates my wife. I typically shave twice a week, so the stubble doesn't get long enough to irritate, and everybody's comfortable. A good moisturizer, coupled with a good soap (plain old Dove works great), and ingrown hairs are a rarity.
 
2012-11-13 06:41:34 PM  

Loren: Nogale: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

How does this happen? Can someone explain the mechanics of this mishap?

I would say that in the fall the shoe came off and ended up upside-down and she then landed on it.


That's right up there with the "I was gardening naked and I slipped - that's how the cucumber ended up lodged seven inches into my rectum" bit.
 
2012-11-13 06:45:26 PM  
media.sacbee.com
 
2012-11-13 06:48:14 PM  

redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?

When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.

Just use Nair. My roommate did it for awhile and he said it worked. I never confirmed, but I doubt he'd have reason to admit using it and continue to use it if it didn't work. Failing that, just go the professional route.


I've heard that Nair burns something fierce.
 
2012-11-13 06:57:01 PM  

Medic Zero: redmid17: LanguageLikeBonsais: Spartapuss: Knicks aren't going to be an issue. Use a saftey razor and don't drink beforehand and you'll be fine. Unless a spider drops down on you while you're working at it. What fear is that?

When you say safety razor, do you mean something along the lines of a Merkur? I use one of those on my face - lots of inadvertent bloodletting in the early days.

I don't think I could survive the learning curve between the legs. Especially when it seems like you'd be shaving some angles blindly.

Just use Nair. My roommate did it for awhile and he said it worked. I never confirmed, but I doubt he'd have reason to admit using it and continue to use it if it didn't work. Failing that, just go the professional route.

I've heard that Nair burns something fierce.


He said it stung for a bit and he was tender for a day or so, but I also saw him get super drunk and have pick up some strange that same night so maybe just drink a lot?
 
2012-11-13 07:02:02 PM  

99sportster: Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.

Nowhere does it state that said vagina and said shoe belonged to the same individual.


They do now.
 
2012-11-13 07:07:25 PM  

Basily Gourt: LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Oh, hell, no. OK, so, personal pointers (and, yes, this is probably TMI, but what the hell...)

If all you're doing is dealing with the scrotum, penile base, and the thigh crease area, and you're not too tied to a macho self-image, get a Gillette Venus razor. Works great, minimizes razor burn.
Trim first, with an electric trimmer that has a guard, and then shave in the shower.
Ensure you have hot water and a warm environment, so the scrotum stays relaxed and you can use one hand to steady the genitalia while you shave with the other hand.
If you're comfortable with switching hands to shave, do so - it can be awkward trying to use one hand for both "sides."
Shaving the perineal area is left to personal preference, but I find that's the area in which I tend to get razor bumps & ingrown hairs. I typically stop at the area where the base of the scrotum meets the perineum.
Don't use aftershave. :)

This is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Thank you!!!

Unless you're super-swarthy, a regular beard trimmer will do you fine. I have a full head of hair, but very little body hair. I leave about 1/8 inch of hair down there, and on me, it looks the same as if I have shaved.

You really don't want to shave down there. Ingrown hairs, cuts, ect. are no fun!


That's my advice. I trim with a cordless electric trimmer. My wife once waxed a little bit of body hair and it was freaking horrible when it grew back. Never again! I trim fairly close to the skin but I never shave or wax.
 
2012-11-13 07:25:43 PM  

FormlessOne: Lucky you. I'm a fuzzball, with wiry hair, and shaving has been the only way to ensure comfort for everybody involved - short hair irritates me, long hair irritates my wife. I typically shave twice a week, so the stubble doesn't get long enough to irritate, and everybody's comfortable. A good moisturizer, coupled with a good soap (plain old Dove works great), and ingrown hairs are a rarity.


I'm the same way - covered in fuzz, but wiry fuzz. Esp scrotally. What kind of razor do you use, if I may ask?
 
2012-11-13 07:29:42 PM  

kg2095: 99sportster: Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: VAGINAL INJURY FROM SLIPPING AND HIGH HEEL SHOE WENT INTO VAGINA.

I call bullshiat. Legs don't even bend that way.

Nowhere does it state that said vagina and said shoe belonged to the same individual.

They do now.


I really don't think we want to start a rule that says 'once something goes in a vagina, it belongs to the owner of the vagina'
 
2012-11-13 07:56:02 PM  
278 PATIENT DANCING CLOSE TO GIRLS AT HOMECOMING DANCE, DEVELOPED TESTICLE PAIN AFTER DANCE, SWELLING; HYDROCELE, VARICOCELE
 
2012-11-13 08:05:16 PM  
PT STUCK A PIECE OF PLASTIC PEN UP PT'S PENIS, NOW HAVING PAIN DX;* URETHRAL INJURY / FB
 
2012-11-13 08:07:28 PM  
PT FELL ASLEEP WITH "SUCTION DEVICE"O N PENIS, AWOKE AND TOOK HOURS TO REMOVE, NOW HAS PAIN TO FORESKIN.
 
2012-11-13 08:16:22 PM  
PT STUCK A SCREW UP IN PENIS AND INTO BLADDER. DX; FB IN PENIS
 
2012-11-13 08:24:27 PM  
BOYFRIEND INSERTED A BASEBALL IN HER VAGINA 4 HOURS AGO UNABLE TO REMOVAL BASEBALL FOREIGN BODY VAGINA REMOVA
 
2012-11-13 08:34:45 PM  
I was really worried that masturbation was going to be on that list.

You know.. for a friend...
 
2012-11-13 08:43:31 PM  
PUT WINE BOTTLE CORK INTO RECTUM AND UNABLE TO RETRIEVE IT
 
2012-11-13 08:44:24 PM  

Dumski: Chariset: Anyway, several of those sound like "I fell on it" excuse people use when they insert something into an embarrassing place and then need to go to the Emergency Room to get it back out.

This is so true. I work in an ER for many years. So many stories......


Oh do share. Make it a tf discussion. I'll even sponsor you
 
2012-11-13 08:45:05 PM  
PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION
 
2012-11-13 09:01:22 PM  

phedex: PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION


The others you've posted were good, but that one got a proper LOL. "Sitting on porch" sounds quite close to "standing on corner/street/steps, minding own business." I don't doubt it as truth, but I wouldn't be surprised. :D
 
2012-11-13 09:05:01 PM  

L33t Squirrel: phedex: PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION

The others you've posted were good, but that one got a proper LOL. "Sitting on porch" sounds quite close to "standing on corner/street/steps, minding own business." I don't doubt it as truth, but I wouldn't be surprised. :D


I bet the Brothers Dude were involved somehow.
 
2012-11-13 09:16:22 PM  

Kit Fister: I bet the Brothers Dude were involved somehow.


Or Some Guy. I wonder if he's getting payoffs to send people to the ER, 'cause damn do a lot of people ID him as the cause of their injuries.
 
2012-11-13 09:47:59 PM  
We got a new (lye) detergent for cleaning milking equipment in our barn. A neighbouring dairy farmer had this advice for us,

"Don't get any on your hands. If you do, don't go take a leak. If you take a leak, don't try to wash it off with water"

A few days later I had a bit land on my arm which was wet. It quickly developed into any angry looking burn and hurt like a b**ch.
 
2012-11-13 10:09:42 PM  
1, 3, 4, 6 and one time I had a mosquito or spider get caught in my underwear when I was a kid. It got all bite-y. And thrush, also when I was a little kid. Also, twirling a quarterstaff, and no, that's not a metaphor.

Interesting they don't mention circumcision.
 
2012-11-13 11:09:12 PM  

Oreminer: Radak: Parents mutilating their male child's genitals without consent suspiciously absent.

Amos Quito: =====/\ >

Circumcision

Don't you DARE turn this into another one of THOSE threads!


Oh, why not? Let the freaks get their derp out there for all to see and mock.
 
2012-11-13 11:13:33 PM  
www.mtv.com
 
2012-11-14 01:07:29 AM  
Top ten ways we injure our genitals

i158.photobucket.com


I usually have my Banker take care of that sort of thing for me.
 
2012-11-14 01:51:42 AM  
Finally, some bicycle awareness! I hate it when my penis gets caught in the wheel spokes.
 
2012-11-14 04:50:35 AM  
62 YOM CONTUSION TO PENIS S/P ACCIDENTALLY BENDING PENIS WRONG WHILE CA TCHI IT ON ELASTIC BAND OF HIS SWEATPANTS.*

Wow, just... must have been some heavy duty elastic.

Not-so-C-SB: sledding as a kid, caught a tree to the crotch. My dad got it on video, and still keeps it around for whenever someone I'm dating first visits his house with me.
 
2012-11-14 05:19:53 AM  
The homecoming dance one really made me LOL when I found it.
 
2012-11-14 09:20:14 AM  
My wife works in the OR, and you absolutely DO NOT WANT ME TO REPEAT ANY OF THE STORIES SHE INSISTS ON TELLING ME.

Typically during dinner. Terrifying they are.
 
2012-11-14 12:59:19 PM  

ristst: My wife works in the OR, and you absolutely DO NOT WANT ME TO REPEAT ANY OF THE STORIES SHE INSISTS ON TELLING ME.

Typically during dinner. Terrifying they are.


Mom was a veterinarian when I was a kid and enjoyed telling the family about surgeries and other stuff while over dinner as well. Very few things gross me out anymore. I could probably eat lasagna while watching an autopsy by now. :P
 
2012-11-14 01:25:48 PM  

L33t Squirrel: Very few things gross me out anymore. I could probably eat lasagna while watching an autopsy by now. :P


Well...after several years of changing diapers I developed a very strong stomach.

OK, I'm done cleaning up the hurl....is there any pizza left?

But her stories still creep me out like gangbusters...the words 'shrivel your soul' come to mind.

Wife: "We had this one case today, where..."
Me: "LALALALALA - I'M NOT LISTENING - LALALALA"
 
2012-11-14 02:09:02 PM  

ristst: But her stories still creep me out like gangbusters...the words 'shrivel your soul' come to mind.


Good point. It's one thing to have something weird or gross happen to you, but the stuff that people deliberately inflict upon themselves/others just makes a person stare and go, "what the fark, man."
 
2012-11-14 06:41:08 PM  

L33t Squirrel: Good point. It's one thing to have something weird or gross happen to you, but the stuff that people deliberately inflict upon themselves/others just makes a person stare and go, "what the fark, man."


Dude, you are *so* right....and you don't even know. And trust me when I say this, you don't *want* to know. The stuff she wants to tell me is typically freaking skin-crawling mind-boggling scary. And I'm only privy to a tiny, tiny, tiny, FARKING **TINY** percentage of the stuff that people are doing to others...CURRENTLY. When you throw in the phrase "over human history"....wow. Just wow.

And the weird thing is, the wife just kinda shrugs it off..."meh, it's a living"....
 
2012-11-14 11:09:40 PM  

LanguageLikeBonsais: FormlessOne: Lucky you. I'm a fuzzball, with wiry hair, and shaving has been the only way to ensure comfort for everybody involved - short hair irritates me, long hair irritates my wife. I typically shave twice a week, so the stubble doesn't get long enough to irritate, and everybody's comfortable. A good moisturizer, coupled with a good soap (plain old Dove works great), and ingrown hairs are a rarity.

I'm the same way - covered in fuzz, but wiry fuzz. Esp scrotally. What kind of razor do you use, if I may ask?


Merkur Classic with good blades for my face and neck, Gillette Venus for everything else. The Merkur gets used daily, and my facial hair is hard on blades - much, much cheaper this way.
 
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