FARK.com: (7431777) Since it has exceeded the 25,000 signature threshold, the White House by its own rules, may have to formally respond to the TX secession petition on WhiteHouse.gov. Aides say possible responses include "aww hell Naw" and "No. Fark You"

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		Since it has exceeded the 25,000 signature threshold, the White House by its own rules, may have to formally respond to the TX secession petition on WhiteHouse.gov. Aides say possible responses include "aww hell Naw" and "No. Fark You" (news.yahoo.com)		124
		More: Followup, naw, White House, Texas Secession, Grandma's, original idea, petitions, federal courts, enumerated powers

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Archived thread

FirstNationalBastard		2012-11-13 12:01:21 PM

30 votes:

Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Bendal		2012-11-13 12:07:09 PM

10 votes:

"Get your legislature to send me a request, then we'll talk."

Then sit back and watch the fun erupt.

espiaboricua		2012-11-13 12:10:50 PM

8 votes:

The White House Response should be short enough:

"Dear Texas:

Remember Texas vs. White? No? Then look it up.

By the way, no.

Sincerely,

The White House"

wildcardjack		2012-11-13 12:04:35 PM

8 votes:

"All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Doc Daneeka		2012-11-13 12:19:14 PM

7 votes:

I say, let them go.

Without Texas and all its electoral votes, the Republicans will never win another national election again. The Texas School Board won't get to dictate textbook standards to the rest of the nation anymore. There will be a lot fewer oil billionaires influencing our national environmental and energy policy. We won't any longer have to poor federal money into the state for basic social services because those "low-tax patriots" refuse to spend any state money on social services for their own sick and destitute.

Just think how much greater America would be without Texas. I'm really not seeing the downside here.

Cosmic_Music		2012-11-13 12:16:53 PM

7 votes:

The response should be:

It is no role of the President of the United States to consider the secession of the States of the Union from that Union. The matter should be considered by Congress upon lawful petition by a plurality of citizens of a State. Congress may, upon a vote of its members, put forward to the President for his signature a Bill allowing that State to secede from the Union. At which point, President Barack Hussain Obama will veto that Bill, as it is no role of the President of the United States to consider the secession of States of the Union from that Union, in the other sense of the word 'consider'.

He will then return to Presidenting while black, and if any of you traitors want to see him outside, he will beat you like red-headed stepchildren.

/job done

maxheck		2012-11-13 12:10:59 PM

7 votes:

In other news, you can find 25,000 people in TX who think that the world is flat and was created in 6 days, but that doesn't make them any less idiots.

rufus-t-firefly		2012-11-13 12:06:07 PM

7 votes:

The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

TV's Vinnie		2012-11-13 12:19:20 PM

6 votes:

25,000 rock-stupid Texans.

And THIS is why you didn't get a Space Shuttle, Texas.

IMO, the Smithsonian ought to ask for their Saturn V back.

And move the JSC to Florida as well.

/F*CK TEXAS!
//Don't want to hear any crap about parts of Texas being Progressive either. If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.

VarmintCong		2012-11-13 12:12:44 PM

6 votes:

My thought is that we should let them go, and then invade them for their oil a week later.

tallen702		2012-11-13 12:22:27 PM

5 votes:

So, seeing as how you are declaring your intent to secede by signing one of these petitions, does that mean you're renouncing your citizenship? And if so, what does that mean for question j on form 4473? Link. Wouldn't be surprised to find out that the people who signed these petitions don't realize they just gave Barry and the BATFE a list of people who technically won't pass their NICS check anymore.....

Renart		2012-11-13 12:12:19 PM

5 votes:

garandman1a: Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.

Actually, Texas is one of the best fundraising states for Obama. The GOP has such a lock on statewide offices here that liberals tend to give more money to national Democratic candidates. Obama hit Austin pretty regularly to fill up the campaign coffers.

And all the big cities in Texas (except for Fort Worth, maybe) voted for Obama. It's just that we have vaster derpish hinterlands than most states, so our population centers aren't enough (yet) to outvote Whargarbl-Americans.

LabGrrl		2012-11-13 12:08:57 PM

5 votes:

I think a proportional response is called for. Time to move a military base up north. We're just trying to make them happy.

Decados		2012-11-13 12:22:34 PM

4 votes:

The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

super_grass		2012-11-13 12:06:18 PM

4 votes:

You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?

keylock71		2012-11-13 12:33:24 PM

3 votes:

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

They should make it a "Save the Date" post card...

24.media.tumblr.com

On reverse:

Dear Texas,

Thank you for your petition requesting secession from the Union. At this time, we are unable to accommodate your request, but as a token of our appreciation, we will add Texas to our "Uncle Billy's 2012 Southern BBQ Tour".

Please advise which consecutive series of dates you will be available for participation.

Reminder: Hiding of valuables in the garden will just make Uncle Billy angry.

Yours,

The United States of America"

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:19:37 PM

3 votes:

As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.

nmemkha		2012-11-13 12:18:32 PM

3 votes:

The Dems should troll them and draw up a resolution. Make the GOP have to vote it down and piss off some of their base. All the Dems should vote 'present'.

DoBeDoBeDo		2012-11-13 12:16:59 PM

3 votes:

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

Why would they respond with a picture of the guy who burned his way EAST from Louisiana?

A real reponse would be to inform them that Virginia and Tennessee won't be around to bail them out this time around.

someguy945		2012-11-13 12:16:36 PM

3 votes:

super_grass: You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?

Calling it now: The response will be a rehash of Obama's election day speech in which he said we must all work together to build a brighter future. That is all.

The responses NEVER do anything useful or bring about any change. At best you get something like the gay marriage response that says "The president already agrees with you, so we're already working on it." But even then, the petition did nothing.

wildcardjack		2012-11-13 12:16:17 PM

3 votes:

Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

4.bp.blogspot.com

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.

Tickle Mittens		2012-11-13 12:08:12 PM

3 votes:

Raging Whore Moans: Done in one.

Bullshiat. This is well settled. The land stays. They're free to pack their shiat up and drag it to whatever hell-hole will take them.

jst3p		2012-11-13 12:07:51 PM

3 votes:

jayhawk88		2012-11-13 12:07:23 PM

3 votes:

What about "Fine but only if you take Oklahoma with you"? That'll sour the deal real fast.

StreetlightInTheGhetto		2012-11-13 12:07:16 PM

3 votes:

I think he should just walk into the press room, go behind the podium, pick up the mic, recite Bill Pullman's speech from Independence Day, drop it, and leave. But that's just me.

They're entitled to their opinion and they shouldn't be punished for it. However, I will fight for my own right, as an American, to laugh at them.

garandman1a		2012-11-13 12:07:11 PM

3 votes:

Before everyone says 'no way', think about it.

1) Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.
2) With the loss of 30 something guaranteed red state votes, he would make the path to the Whitehouse much easier for Nancy Pelosi.

kumanoki		2012-11-13 01:33:52 PM

2 votes:

People, people! Please!

The Texas vs. White 76 U.S. 700 (1869) decision clearly puts into law that a State may not unilaterally secede from the Union.

susanhenschen.files.wordpress.com

andrewagill		2012-11-13 12:54:51 PM

2 votes:

How I wish Obama would respond. Unaltered (save for the date and the place the petition was placed).

Dear Sir.

I have just read yours of the 10th. addressed to myself through the White House website. If there be in it any statements, or assumptions of fact, which I may know to be erroneous, I do not, now and here, controvert them. If there be in it any inferences which I may believe to be falsely drawn, I do not now and here, argue against them. If there be perceptable in it an impatient and dictatorial tone, I waive it in deference to an old friend, whose heart I have always supposed to be right.

As to the policy I "seem to be pursuing" as you say, I have not meant to leave any one in doubt.

I would save the Union. I would save it the shortest way under the Constitution. The sooner the national authority can be restored; the nearer the Union will be "the Union as it was." If there be those who would not save the Union, unless they could at the same time save slavery, I do not agree with them. If there be those who would not save the Union unless they could at the same time destroy slavery, I do not agree with them. My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that. What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save the Union; and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the Union. I shall do less whenever I shall believe what I am doing hurts the cause, and I shall do more whenever I shall believe doing more will help the cause. I shall try to correct errors when shown to be errors; and I shall adopt new views so fast as they shall appear to be true views.

I have here stated my purpose according to my view of official duty; and I intend no modification of my oft-expressed personal wish that all men everywhere could be free.

Aarontology		2012-11-13 12:45:27 PM

2 votes:

Obama should go up to the podium, say "The issue of secession was settled in the Appomattox Courthouse on April 9th, 1865" and then walk away.

phritz		2012-11-13 12:37:23 PM

2 votes:

Let's give them a trial period, say, by immediately removing all federal security at the border for a week. Let's see how that goes for them.

Also we should carpet bomb Dallas. Just in general, I mean, whether they secede or not.

verbaltoxin		2012-11-13 12:36:24 PM

2 votes:

Texas doesn't even want to know the amount of money the US government would be hitting them for if they seceded. Newly independent countries start out with way more debt than they have money in the Treasury. It's why Texas joined the Union the first time.

Kuroshin		2012-11-13 12:29:34 PM

2 votes:

wildcardjack: Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x262]

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.

Texas is primarily worthless nothing. Vast tracts of...nothing. Texas oil fields aren't what they once were, and beyond that, there's just...nothing.

Offshore oil fields, on the other hand...

Of course, rights to those belong to the US - not Texas. Texas can't support itself without oil money. Take away the oil, and you've just got a giant worthless desert.

mark12A		2012-11-13 12:25:06 PM

2 votes:

Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

CygnusDarius		2012-11-13 12:24:28 PM

2 votes:

Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.

Just a thought.

Before you do this, you must remove anyone that is not an insane, racist right-wing GOP militant, and children. Once you do, and enforce all what you just said, Mexico will issue that Texas is now a state-wide prison territory for drug cartels (there's no death penalty in Mexico, except within the ranks of the military).

It's a win-win.

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:24:09 PM

2 votes:

Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

birchman		2012-11-13 12:22:00 PM

2 votes:

These guys sure do love America and the Constitution.

SocraticIrony		2012-11-13 12:21:56 PM

2 votes:

Texas seceding would be the greatest thing that's ever happened to the US. Without Texas's Congressmen, the Democrats would take the House and further their control of the Senate. Not to mention that without it's 38 electoral votes the Republicans would never have a chance at the White House ever again.

Nightsweat		2012-11-13 12:20:53 PM

2 votes:

The best part of that petition are the signatures from Massachusetts, Illinois, Pennsylvania, etc...

Bacontastesgood		2012-11-13 12:19:06 PM

2 votes:

ModernPrimitive01: /Mississippi I'm looking at you

MS's whole reason for existing is for the other shiatty states to feel better about themselves. It's like the turd you leave alone near your picnic because it keeps the flies off your food. I know it worked wonders when I was in LA.

CygnusDarius		2012-11-13 12:18:56 PM

2 votes:

maxheck: In other news, you can find 25,000 people in TX who think that the world is flat and was created in 6 days, but that doesn't make them any less idiots.

There is such a thing as The Flat Earth Society. No, seriously, it's not just a Bad Religion song, look it up.

lostcat		2012-11-13 12:17:52 PM

2 votes:

How about the 25,648,681 Texans who don't want to secede just give these people a mid-sized town near the border and cut them off from all local, state and federal funds and services.

Heck, let them keep the roads, sewers, water and electric lines, schools, town hall, fire and police station, water treatment facilites, etc. Just no training or funding to keep anything of those things working.

Biness		2012-11-13 12:16:53 PM

2 votes:

Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.

KarmicDisaster		2012-11-13 12:16:10 PM

2 votes:

He should tell the signers to self-deport if they want to. I know someone that did during the last election. It isn't going very well for them in spite of the web sites that they looked at that told them it would be a libertarian paradise.

semiotix		2012-11-13 12:13:45 PM

2 votes:

My favorite part is the gloating on some of the freeper sites.

LOL he HAS TO RESPOND NOW!!! HA HA WE'VE FINALLY CORNERED THAT MOOSLIM COMMIE AND WE USED HIS OWN WEBSITE TO DO IT lololololol... WHATCHA GONNA DO, BARRY?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure the White House is furious that they're going to get to tee off on crazed secessionists drunk on their own stupid. And in a public forum! Oh, no, please don't cover this, media. Please don't camp out on our website waiting for the response... that would be terrible!

doubled99		2012-11-13 12:10:55 PM

2 votes:

Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.

Oznog		2012-11-13 12:09:48 PM

2 votes:

wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

sprawl15		2012-11-13 12:08:11 PM

2 votes:

Secession is unconstitutional. QED.

AFKobel		2012-11-13 12:06:33 PM

2 votes:

Please let them go.

Raging Whore Moans		2012-11-13 12:03:56 PM

2 votes:

Done in one.

Tax Boy		2012-11-13 05:49:21 PM

1 votes:

Gosling: BattleAxe: 80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.

How many of them are actually Texans and how many are out-of-staters signing their fifth or sixth secession petition of the day?

Signing a secession petition on the White House's website implies that you accept that Obama is the legitimate President.

i0.kym-cdn.com

Gosling		2012-11-13 05:39:50 PM

1 votes:

BattleAxe: 80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.

How many of them are actually Texans and how many are out-of-staters signing their fifth or sixth secession petition of the day?

Daniels		2012-11-13 04:10:09 PM

1 votes:

FormlessOne: You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?

Not really. I just kinda want to a state to start secession proceedings just to see what happens. I think it would be amusing to watch as long as it's kept to courtrooms.

sethen320		2012-11-13 03:49:13 PM

1 votes:

Gosling: I blogged my response. I'll just link it because, well, first, I get hits that way and ha ha ha, and second, I spare you a tl;dr moment.

I see where you're going in you post, but I somewhat disagree. I will concede that there is most definitely a racial component (possibly even the majority), but that's not the only problem. There are people who (right or wrong) actually do not agree with the President's position on certain issues. To discount that is disregarding an important fact. People all think differently. What one person sees as right another sees as wrong. That's human nature. To use a broad brush and paint everyone who disagrees as racist is as effective as signing a secession petition.

Daniels		2012-11-13 03:47:37 PM

1 votes:

sethen320: Would it be worth it though? Seems like a whole lot of trouble just to get away from a president who won't be a problem anymore in a few years. If you look at it, it's a pretty extreme solution to a temporary problem.

Probably not... unless you think the federal government is too far away from the state's values and don't see it reversing course any time soon.

Philip Francis Queeg: No sanctions, just normal tariffs. Perhaps if Texas shows itself to be a reliable trading partner we could co9insider letting them into NAFTA in a few decades.

Of course the Federal Government would withdraw all assets from Texas, including military assets. As a potentially hostile nation on our border, it wouldn't be wise to allow US arms manufacturers to sell to them. Of course companies based in Texas would be considered no different than any foreign company when it comes to bidding on government contracts. Citizens of the new Sovereign nation who worked in other states would be welcome to apply for Visas. Perhaps we'd even. allow a few Texans to attend US universities as foreign exchange students.

I think you are vastly overestimating how much of a stomach the remaining US would have for sanctioning them. First of all, current Texans would still be citizens under pretty much every definition of the 14th Amendment so they wouldn't have to apply for visas. Secondly, Congress would be under tremendous economic pressure to add trade treaties for American companies who have clients in Texas. Yes, they would absolutely pull out military assets and contracts would have to be renegotiated. Third, as assholy as the people on Fark are, I don't think most normal people in the country would be OK with the US acting like a spurned boyfriend toward a former state.

shender		2012-11-13 03:07:30 PM

1 votes:

What in the world is wrong with you people? So much ill will to a state of millions of people because seventy thousand people made a petition on a government website that will ultimately do nothing... I just don't understand...

I am from Texas. I do not think secession is a smart idea. But at least debate the topic using your brain instead of hopping to ridiculous conclusions that you pull out of your ass. "Oh the only thing left in Texas will be the dust left behind by the military vehicles leaving." "Can't wait for Sherman to come back and carpet bomb a city of millions of people who harbor no ill will towards me." "The nation will be so much better off without Texas since Democrats (who are totally infallible) can take control of the federal government, and we don't have support such a useless, worthless, and pathetic state that millions of people call home."

It's fine to disagree with the (stupid) idea of states leaving the union. But there is a fine line between disagreeing with a sentiment of <1% of the population and wishing ill upon the whole state of millions because of the <1%. To all who want to see Texas burn or see people die because their ideological perspective is different than your own, you should be ashamed of yourself. Dwell what it means to be an American.

pxsteel		2012-11-13 02:19:31 PM

1 votes:

SocraticIrony: Texas seceding would be the greatest thing that's ever happened to the US. Without Texas's Congressmen, the Democrats would take the House and further their control of the Senate. Not to mention that without it's 38 electoral votes the Republicans would never have a chance at the White House ever again.

I think the biggest 'problem' is that if Texas secedes there may be 25 or so states that would gladly joint the new republic it created. Before you laugh, look at a globe from 30 years ago and then one from today, countries do it all the time.

heap		2012-11-13 01:20:04 PM

1 votes:

tinderfitles: Anyone else really excited at the prospect of Joe Biden: Road Warrior?

i46.tinypic.com

There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your Camaro, the oil, the TexMex food, and the whole of your Amtrak Eagle routes, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the wastelands. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror. And there will be ice cream.

PsiChick		2012-11-13 01:18:43 PM

1 votes:

doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.

In all fairness, it would take a lot of expense to get them back. Manpower, etc.--other countries are less happy about releasing claimed territory than us, and Mexico would try a land grab as soon as possible.

lennavan		2012-11-13 01:13:13 PM

1 votes:

Biness: Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.

Fme, I thought I would be the first person to post this. This really is one of those cases where we actually would be better off without them.

hatelabs		2012-11-13 01:11:30 PM

1 votes:

"Dear Texas
Door
Ass
Don't let it hit you,..or do, who cares.

You have a sandyvag over an election... good riddance, get the fark out, your sense of self-importance has 0 basis in reality.

1. Repossession:
We now repossess our federal lands/holdings/monies/educational facilities.
Any access to same is now illegal for your population. The US will now take over access ways to our holdings via imminent domain.
- 1a. Military:
All military bases/assets/holdings/equipment will be returned to the US government control, no Texas citizens may serve or operate within US facilities. These holdings and access to same are property of the US government (see sec 1) We do however have a special purchase program if you'd like to buy your own military hardware, unfortunately the current holdings would eat up your GDP for the next 50 years. We will leave some bayonets for you gratis.
- 1b. Nuclear Assets
All nuclear materials/facilities/equipment will be returned to the US government control, no Texas citizens may serve or operate within US facilities. These holdings and access to same are property of the US government (see sec 1). Any attempt to create a nuclear facility or obtain nuclear materials will be seen as an act of aggression against the US government and will be dealt with in accordance.
- 1c. Oil Reserves.
As much of the oil land holdings in the country of Texas are currently owned/partially owned by companies existing in the USA and/or the US government, these holdings will be considered US soil and their control will remain that of US citizens and/or the US government. If you would like to purchase this land an agreement can be reached for a fee and a % of assets in perpetuity.

2. Immigration:
No passports will be issued to Texas due to the hostile nature of this act.
And hindrance of US citizens with access to US assets will be seen as an act of war.

3. Debt
The state of Texas shall continue to pay the US government until their current debt is paid off, the USA will allow Texas to pay this debt off in installments with a 9.8% APR.

4. Assistance:
The US does not consider Texas an enemy per say but will not devote any of it's local military assets to the defense of Texas excepting whereas that defense would be fairly compensated for with land or money, or in which case a threat is posed to the USA in which case no authorization from Texas will be needed to carry out our defense initiatives.

4. Competitive Sports:
You are no longer part of any American sports leagues at the state or national level, nor will you be able to compete in these events. We suggest you specialize in soccer now as no one will ever care about your sports teams ever again. (that realization alone would make the people revolt and kiss Uncle Sam's Dangly bits.)

5. Return:
The state of Texas will have a grace period of 2 years to return to the USA, When you do return there will be "Penalties and restrictive conditions" in measure to being self-important whiney biatches.

-Yours Truly
Barry (glad I never have to see big hats and boots again" Obama

P.S. Have fun with that immigration issue, we'll just call you Mexas from now on."

The Texas financial structure looks good on paper, but I would LOVE to see "go it alone" Texas doesn't paint a picture of a country that can survive on it's own, nor of one that can garner the co-operation of others, they would be North Mexico in under two years.

Never liked the ignorant indignation of the south, and this is just cementing those feelings.

vudukungfu		2012-11-13 01:07:07 PM

1 votes:

Deport the traitors.

jakepowers		2012-11-13 01:06:53 PM

1 votes:

I hate that the people in my state are so stupid. This is why the US shouldn't allow the Texas board of education determine the curriculum for the entire country. It seems I was the only one taught that Texas joined the union because it was bankrupt. It begged to be a state. Damn butt hurt conservatives.

red5ish		2012-11-13 01:00:56 PM

1 votes:

25,000 signatures? Big deal. Over 400,000 have signed a petition asking Macy's to severe its ties with Donald Trump. Call back when you can beat that.

keylock71		2012-11-13 01:00:55 PM

1 votes:

JackieRabbit: Just let them go. Pack them a lunch, give them a nickel for milk and send them on their way to be some other adult's problem. The loss of Texas will not be a loss. We can send Florida and Arizona with them to keep them company.

I disagree... The natural resources, land and everything built in those states is part of the Union.

If these morons are so pissed off about the black guy winning re-election, then they can take their sorry asses to another country more in line with their views.

Sure, they can try to secede by force of arms, but that didn't work out so well for them the last time they tried it.

senorpogo		2012-11-13 01:00:49 PM

1 votes:

I can't decide what is funnier - the expected angry-white-boy secessionist response to Obama's re-election from a handball of nutball Freeper types or the totally predictable "let them go and see how they like it!!!" overreaction from the pouting Fark chorus of manchildren.

/carpetbagger living in Texas; love it and the crazy people here

Tickle Mittens		2012-11-13 01:00:38 PM

1 votes:

doubled99: So love it or leave it, huh? They want to leave it. LET THEM

They can leave. The land is American, it stays; or else. It's a free country, not free land. They want to go, border is that'away, don't come back.

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:53:39 PM

1 votes:

Magorn: Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.

I'm not sure which way I'd bet if it came down to a fight between Los Zetas and the TNG.

Actually we should let them secede AS a State, but then invoke the Monroe Doctrine, and inform them that we are claiming them as a US protectorate with a status somewhat similar to Puerto Rico's

Only after they've had a few hard months outside the graces of American protection. Whether it's drug cartels carving up the place, or the Mexican army setting up shop, it doesn't matter.
These farkwits think that they can just waltz out there and form their own nation and the rest of the world is going to not only 'not hurt' them, but actually 'help them'.

Magorn		2012-11-13 12:49:40 PM

1 votes:

Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.

I'm not sure which way I'd bet if it came down to a fight between Los Zetas and the TNG.

Actually we should let them secede AS a State, but then invoke the Monroe Doctrine, and inform them that we are claiming them as a US protectorate with a status somewhat similar to Puerto Rico's

Britney Spear's Speculum		2012-11-13 12:48:03 PM

1 votes:

Im sure a good chunk of those signatures are from liberals wanting to kick them out

thunderbird8804		2012-11-13 12:47:35 PM

1 votes:

And it seems the official response is coming in now...

volcanolady1.files.wordpress.com

"Prepare to die!"

/I must have posted pictures of Sherman in ten related threads by now, this is ridiculous

Burning_Monk		2012-11-13 12:45:50 PM

1 votes:

"I Am Disinclined To Acquiesce Your Request."

SocraticIrony		2012-11-13 12:44:23 PM

1 votes:

Epoch_Zero: We've heard this since Dec 29th, 1845.

You where there?!

Epoch_Zero		2012-11-13 12:42:36 PM

1 votes:

SuperJonnyC: There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.

We've heard this since Dec 29th, 1845.

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:41:49 PM

1 votes:

keylock71: Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.

Heh... He still makes Georgia howl to this day. : )

Almost 150 years ago, and he's still the boogyman. The man plainly knew how to make an impression.

More_Like_A_Stain		2012-11-13 12:41:28 PM

1 votes:

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

So let me get this straight. Mexicans will endure the hardship and risk of illegally crossing the border presumably in order to build a better life for themselves than they could have in Mexico. And then they will decide that the best way to create that life is to live in Mexico?

SuperJonnyC		2012-11-13 12:40:01 PM

1 votes:

There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.

CygnusDarius		2012-11-13 12:39:58 PM

1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage

Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?

You forgot Biden's bird.

FirstNationalBastard		2012-11-13 12:39:21 PM

1 votes:

heap: DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.

how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?

...we get to keep Willie and ZZ Top, anyway.

keylock71		2012-11-13 12:38:55 PM

1 votes:

Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.

Heh... He still makes Georgia howl to this day. : )

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:38:25 PM

1 votes:

verbaltoxin: Texas doesn't even want to know the amount of money the US government would be hitting them for if they seceded. Newly independent countries start out with way more debt than they have money in the Treasury. It's why Texas joined the Union the first time.

Well, that and Santa Anna was rallying his armies for a rematch of 1836. Sam Houston saw the writing on the wall and begged to be annexed before the Mexican army could cross the Rio Grande.

heap		2012-11-13 12:37:37 PM

1 votes:

DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.

how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?

NBSV		2012-11-13 12:36:37 PM

1 votes:

Let them go. Cut off all federal support, and put up border crossings so anybody wanting to leave the state has to show proper ID and have a passport. You have to control what would become illegal immigrants wanting to cross into our country.

It's funny to me how the super conservatives are absolutly crying over this election. Maybe how your acting now is a sign of why you didn't have much support.

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:36:24 PM

1 votes:

keylock71: rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

They should make it a "Save the Date" post card...

[24.media.tumblr.com image 390x544]

On reverse:

Dear Texas,

Thank you for your petition requesting secession from the Union. At this time, we are unable to accommodate your request, but as a token of our appreciation, we will add Texas to our "Uncle Billy's 2012 Southern BBQ Tour".

Please advise which consecutive series of dates you will be available for participation.

Reminder: Hiding of valuables in the garden will just make Uncle Billy angry.

Yours,

The United States of America"

Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.

jso2897		2012-11-13 12:34:13 PM

1 votes:

Obama should do the only thing he CAN do with this (other than ignore it) - he should refer it to the House without comment.

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:32:29 PM

1 votes:

skullkrusher: Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.

treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.

It just seems to me that a citizen actively working to agitate for the dissolution of his own nation...I mean, we an arrest someone for 'loitering', but this is legal?

Philip Francis Queeg		2012-11-13 12:32:23 PM

1 votes:

The official response should be a photo of the President taking a leak on Jefferson Davis's grave.

CygnusDarius		2012-11-13 12:32:22 PM

1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard		2012-11-13 12:30:48 PM

1 votes:

CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage

Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?

unchellmatt		2012-11-13 12:29:48 PM

1 votes:

LET.

THEM.

Some of the highest teen pregnancy, which can not all be attributed to "anchor babies". Scientific education is laughable. I could go on and on. Seriously, just LET. THEM. GOOOOOO.

We shouldn't have let them back into the Union in the first place. Ditto the rest of them. Let them have their ignorance and their slavery. GTFO.

heap		2012-11-13 12:29:45 PM

1 votes:

ActivKino: Is there secessionist wharrgarbl every time a president is elected/re-elected and I just haven't been paying attention?

to be fair, there was secessionist wharrrgarble before the election, too.

perhaps this just turned the dial up a notch, but...yah. Presidentin' while insufficiently Republican is going to be a high crime AND a misdemeanor before we're done getting the stupid of the last election out of our system.

KatjaMouse		2012-11-13 12:29:37 PM

1 votes:

VarmintCong: My thought is that we should let them go, and then invade them for their oil a week later.

Then it will be an occupied nation. And I'd be okay with that.

Fart_Machine		2012-11-13 12:29:33 PM

1 votes:

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:28:16 PM

1 votes:

skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.

BuckTurgidson		2012-11-13 12:28:09 PM

1 votes:

A quick glance at all these petitions (including for such redneck havens as New Jersey, New York, California, and my home state of Colorado) show they are almost all identical boilerplate, sometimes submitted by non-residents of the state concerned, with multiple identical petitions for some states because the teatards can't read, and all being cross-signed by the same group of morans from various other states.

heap		2012-11-13 12:27:12 PM

1 votes:

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

in my fever dreams, farkers will be too drunk to be politically correct.

i guess for clarity, it's worth asking - is mooning or wagging of genitalia generally considered politically correct?

Infernalist		2012-11-13 12:26:54 PM

1 votes:

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

If you're going to try to troll, at least put some effort into it.

FFS, this is sad. Whatever happened to the 'good' trolls? The ones that could at least make you feel 'something' other than sad for the would-be troller...

Epoch_Zero		2012-11-13 12:26:07 PM

1 votes:

Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

Nah. First amendment and all that.

Unless they act on it and take over a town then declare it independent or something, there's nothing but ridicule due to them.

CygnusDarius		2012-11-13 12:25:49 PM

1 votes:

MooseUpNorth: Perducci: Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

As if Quebec would have them.

It would be fun to watch.

heap		2012-11-13 12:24:57 PM

1 votes:

k4mi: trigger something like this

worth keeping in mind what 'this' is in the above statement.

a response that consists of 'yah, there's a petition - next question?' is still a response.

MooseUpNorth		2012-11-13 12:23:34 PM

1 votes:

Perducci: Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

As if Quebec would have them.

k4mi		2012-11-13 12:21:05 PM

1 votes:

How can a petition of 25,000 signatures in a state of over 25 million trigger something like this (that is 0.1% of the population). I am 100% sure that even most Texans aren't stupid enough to agree with this.

js34603		2012-11-13 12:20:46 PM

1 votes:

I guess Fark is filling the void left by election BS with secession BS. Thank god we were able to find something we could continue to act like jackasses about after the election.

Jackson Herring		2012-11-13 12:20:20 PM

1 votes:

Buck Henderson		2012-11-13 12:20:01 PM

1 votes:

They mention being able to keep a balanced budget in the petition. Googling "Texas state balanced budget" returns a bunch of articles about accounting tricks and federal money. I'm not sorting through this stuff at the moment, but it seems that this tidbit may not quite be the case.

espiaboricua		2012-11-13 12:18:51 PM

1 votes:

Matt Foley: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.

The Maple-Glazed Ribeye already exist in Texas.. and the Chili Poutine exists in Toronto

doubled99		2012-11-13 12:18:37 PM

1 votes:

Tickle Mittens Smartest
Funniest
2012-11-13 12:14:12 PM

doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.

Because the land is American. Their options are "suck it up," "die," and "leave." No one cares which they pick

So love it or leave it, huh? They want to leave it. LET THEM

CygnusDarius		2012-11-13 12:16:37 PM

1 votes:

CygnusDarius: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

Derp Twins Activate!.

Corvus		2012-11-13 12:16:01 PM

1 votes:

Just explain to the people who love the Constitution that doing so is unconstitutional.
Oh yeah I forget Right wingers can ignore the Constitution when they want.

TrainingWheelsNeeded		2012-11-13 12:14:33 PM

1 votes:

As long as they are willing to relocate me to city of my choice with a comparable salary and house, I'd go for it.

Matt Foley		2012-11-13 12:14:30 PM

1 votes:

Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.

Tickle Mittens		2012-11-13 12:14:12 PM

1 votes:

doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.

Because the land is American. Their options are "suck it up," "die," and "leave." No one cares which they pick.

ModernPrimitive01		2012-11-13 12:13:24 PM

1 votes:

If Texas leaves the union where will I, as a liberal Tennesseean, be able to point and laugh at someone who is more backward than my home state?

/Mississippi I'm looking at you

Rwa2play		2012-11-13 12:13:10 PM

1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Also tell them (before they go): You wanna leave? Fine, your part of the 2013 budget will now be split between the other 49 states.

/will see them say "Uh, wait. On second thought..."

Walker		2012-11-13 12:12:35 PM

1 votes:

doosh		2012-11-13 12:11:46 PM

1 votes:

Hey guys, really, we should all be on board. Here is a great case for having two Americas

monoski		2012-11-13 12:11:46 PM

1 votes:

Largest recipient of FEMA dollars gone, one budget closer to fixed.

jonasborg		2012-11-13 12:11:17 PM

1 votes:

super_grass: You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?

This

sodomizer		2012-11-13 12:11:13 PM

1 votes:

You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.

Already Disturbed		2012-11-13 12:10:14 PM

1 votes:

Perry, you pussy.

VvonderJesus		2012-11-13 12:10:00 PM

1 votes:

Epoch_Zero		2012-11-13 12:09:07 PM

1 votes:

Expel them from the union, for the lulz

sirgrim		2012-11-13 12:06:27 PM

1 votes:

Please, we insist.

Perducci		2012-11-13 12:06:23 PM

1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.