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(Yahoo)   Since it has exceeded the 25,000 signature threshold, the White House by its own rules, may have to formally respond to the TX secession petition on WhiteHouse.gov. Aides say possible responses include "aww hell Naw" and "No. Fark You"   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 413
    More: Followup, naw, White House, Texas Secession, Grandma's, original idea, petitions, federal courts, enumerated powers  
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10699 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 12:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



413 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-11-13 12:01:21 PM
Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.
 
2012-11-13 12:03:56 PM
Done in one.
 
2012-11-13 12:04:35 PM
"All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"
 
2012-11-13 12:05:05 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.


Romney DID warn Perry about those "magnets".
 
2012-11-13 12:05:31 PM
I'm guessing it'll be more of a "Haha no." type response.
 
2012-11-13 12:05:52 PM
They could also go with a classy "Secession: NOT YOURS" animated GIF.
 
2012-11-13 12:06:07 PM
The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.
 
2012-11-13 12:06:18 PM
You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?
 
2012-11-13 12:06:23 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.


Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.
 
2012-11-13 12:06:27 PM
Please, we insist.
 
2012-11-13 12:06:29 PM
Dismember the Alamo.
 
2012-11-13 12:06:30 PM
Can they respond with a picture of Curly Bill?
 
2012-11-13 12:06:33 PM
Please let them go.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:09 PM
"Get your legislature to send me a request, then we'll talk."

Then sit back and watch the fun erupt.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:11 PM
Before everyone says 'no way', think about it.

1) Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.
2) With the loss of 30 something guaranteed red state votes, he would make the path to the Whitehouse much easier for Nancy Pelosi.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:16 PM
I think he should just walk into the press room, go behind the podium, pick up the mic, recite Bill Pullman's speech from Independence Day, drop it, and leave. But that's just me.

They're entitled to their opinion and they shouldn't be punished for it. However, I will fight for my own right, as an American, to laugh at them.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:19 PM
How about

AMF
 
2012-11-13 12:07:23 PM
What about "Fine but only if you take Oklahoma with you"? That'll sour the deal real fast.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:48 PM
I'd love to see the people they would choose to run their new federal government.
 
2012-11-13 12:07:51 PM
www.performanceboats.com
 
2012-11-13 12:08:11 PM
Secession is unconstitutional. QED.
 
2012-11-13 12:08:12 PM

Raging Whore Moans: Done in one.


Bullshiat. This is well settled. The land stays. They're free to pack their shiat up and drag it to whatever hell-hole will take them.
 
2012-11-13 12:08:31 PM

jayhawk88: What about "Fine but only if you take Oklahoma with you"? That'll sour the deal real fast.


Aw, prairie sh-t...
 
2012-11-13 12:08:57 PM
I think a proportional response is called for. Time to move a military base up north. We're just trying to make them happy.
 
2012-11-13 12:09:07 PM
Expel them from the union, for the lulz
 
2012-11-13 12:09:32 PM

LabGrrl: I think a proportional response is called for. Time to move a military base up north. We're just trying to make them happy.


I like you.
 
2012-11-13 12:09:48 PM

wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"


Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.
 
2012-11-13 12:10:00 PM
i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-11-13 12:10:14 PM
Perry, you pussy.
 
2012-11-13 12:10:22 PM
Bullets are technically a form of response.
 
2012-11-13 12:10:50 PM
The White House Response should be short enough:

"Dear Texas:

Remember Texas vs. White? No? Then look it up.

By the way, no.

Sincerely,

The White House"
 
2012-11-13 12:10:55 PM
Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.
 
2012-11-13 12:10:59 PM
In other news, you can find 25,000 people in TX who think that the world is flat and was created in 6 days, but that doesn't make them any less idiots.
 
2012-11-13 12:11:07 PM

Valiente: Dismember the Alamo.


Lawls!
 
2012-11-13 12:11:07 PM

AFKobel: Please let them go.


Bismillah! We will not let them Go!
 
2012-11-13 12:11:13 PM
You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.
 
2012-11-13 12:11:17 PM

super_grass: You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?


This
 
2012-11-13 12:11:46 PM
Largest recipient of FEMA dollars gone, one budget closer to fixed.
 
2012-11-13 12:11:46 PM
Hey guys, really, we should all be on board. Here is a great case for having two Americas
 
2012-11-13 12:12:19 PM

garandman1a: Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.


Actually, Texas is one of the best fundraising states for Obama. The GOP has such a lock on statewide offices here that liberals tend to give more money to national Democratic candidates. Obama hit Austin pretty regularly to fill up the campaign coffers.

And all the big cities in Texas (except for Fort Worth, maybe) voted for Obama. It's just that we have vaster derpish hinterlands than most states, so our population centers aren't enough (yet) to outvote Whargarbl-Americans.
 
2012-11-13 12:12:35 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 12:12:44 PM
My thought is that we should let them go, and then invade them for their oil a week later.
 
2012-11-13 12:13:10 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.


Also tell them (before they go): You wanna leave? Fine, your part of the 2013 budget will now be split between the other 49 states.

/will see them say "Uh, wait. On second thought..."
 
2012-11-13 12:13:24 PM
If Texas leaves the union where will I, as a liberal Tennesseean, be able to point and laugh at someone who is more backward than my home state?

/Mississippi I'm looking at you
 
2012-11-13 12:13:45 PM
My favorite part is the gloating on some of the freeper sites.

LOL he HAS TO RESPOND NOW!!! HA HA WE'VE FINALLY CORNERED THAT MOOSLIM COMMIE AND WE USED HIS OWN WEBSITE TO DO IT lololololol... WHATCHA GONNA DO, BARRY?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure the White House is furious that they're going to get to tee off on crazed secessionists drunk on their own stupid. And in a public forum! Oh, no, please don't cover this, media. Please don't camp out on our website waiting for the response... that would be terrible!
 
2012-11-13 12:14:12 PM

doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.


Because the land is American. Their options are "suck it up," "die," and "leave." No one cares which they pick.
 
2012-11-13 12:14:30 PM

Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.


The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.
 
2012-11-13 12:14:33 PM
As long as they are willing to relocate me to city of my choice with a comparable salary and house, I'd go for it.
 
2012-11-13 12:15:55 PM
To: Change.org
From: Boba­ma[nospam-﹫-backwards]esu­ohetihw­*g­ov
Subject: Re:Seccession Petition
_______________________________________________________

i0.kym-cdn.com

- B
 
2012-11-13 12:15:57 PM

Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

 
2012-11-13 12:16:01 PM
Just explain to the people who love the Constitution that doing so is unconstitutional.
Oh yeah I forget Right wingers can ignore the Constitution when they want.
 
2012-11-13 12:16:10 PM
He should tell the signers to self-deport if they want to. I know someone that did during the last election. It isn't going very well for them in spite of the web sites that they looked at that told them it would be a libertarian paradise.
 
2012-11-13 12:16:17 PM

Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.


That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

4.bp.blogspot.com

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.
 
2012-11-13 12:16:30 PM

ModernPrimitive01: If Texas leaves the union where will I, as a liberal Tennesseean, be able to point and laugh at someone who is more backward than my home state?

/Mississippi I'm looking at you


Doesn't Mississippi win by default in any case?
 
2012-11-13 12:16:36 PM

super_grass: You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?


Calling it now: The response will be a rehash of Obama's election day speech in which he said we must all work together to build a brighter future. That is all.

The responses NEVER do anything useful or bring about any change. At best you get something like the gay marriage response that says "The president already agrees with you, so we're already working on it." But even then, the petition did nothing.
 
2012-11-13 12:16:37 PM

CygnusDarius: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.


Derp Twins Activate!.
 
2012-11-13 12:16:53 PM
The response should be:

It is no role of the President of the United States to consider the secession of the States of the Union from that Union. The matter should be considered by Congress upon lawful petition by a plurality of citizens of a State. Congress may, upon a vote of its members, put forward to the President for his signature a Bill allowing that State to secede from the Union. At which point, President Barack Hussain Obama will veto that Bill, as it is no role of the President of the United States to consider the secession of States of the Union from that Union, in the other sense of the word 'consider'.

He will then return to Presidenting while black, and if any of you traitors want to see him outside, he will beat you like red-headed stepchildren.

/job done
 
2012-11-13 12:16:53 PM
Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.
 
2012-11-13 12:16:59 PM
I think this is the official White House response.

i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-11-13 12:16:59 PM

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.


Why would they respond with a picture of the guy who burned his way EAST from Louisiana?

A real reponse would be to inform them that Virginia and Tennessee won't be around to bail them out this time around.
 
2012-11-13 12:17:08 PM
i.imgur.com

would be my response.
 
2012-11-13 12:17:10 PM
www.gagbay.com
 
2012-11-13 12:17:52 PM
How about the 25,648,681 Texans who don't want to secede just give these people a mid-sized town near the border and cut them off from all local, state and federal funds and services.

Heck, let them keep the roads, sewers, water and electric lines, schools, town hall, fire and police station, water treatment facilites, etc. Just no training or funding to keep anything of those things working.
 
2012-11-13 12:18:32 PM
The Dems should troll them and draw up a resolution. Make the GOP have to vote it down and piss off some of their base. All the Dems should vote 'present'.
 
2012-11-13 12:18:34 PM
fark the Lone Stars in their brown stars.
 
2012-11-13 12:18:37 PM
Tickle Mittens Smartest
Funniest
2012-11-13 12:14:12 PM


doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.

Because the land is American. Their options are "suck it up," "die," and "leave." No one cares which they pick




So love it or leave it, huh? They want to leave it. LET THEM
 
2012-11-13 12:18:49 PM

garandman1a: Before everyone says 'no way', think about it.

1) Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.
2) With the loss of 30 something guaranteed red state votes, he would make the path to the Whitehouse much easier for Nancy Pelosi.


And this is the reason Repub's will never go for it, or move to block any attempt by Obama to go forward with it.

\Obama doesn't "hate" Texas
\\I like this fantasy world where Pelosi somehow gets the Democratic nod and wins.
 
2012-11-13 12:18:51 PM

Matt Foley: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.


The Maple-Glazed Ribeye already exist in Texas.. and the Chili Poutine exists in Toronto
 
2012-11-13 12:18:56 PM

maxheck: In other news, you can find 25,000 people in TX who think that the world is flat and was created in 6 days, but that doesn't make them any less idiots.


There is such a thing as The Flat Earth Society. No, seriously, it's not just a Bad Religion song, look it up.
 
2012-11-13 12:19:01 PM
Don''t at least a few of those signers have to actually be legal residents of Texas?
 
2012-11-13 12:19:06 PM

ModernPrimitive01: /Mississippi I'm looking at you


MS's whole reason for existing is for the other shiatty states to feel better about themselves. It's like the turd you leave alone near your picnic because it keeps the flies off your food. I know it worked wonders when I was in LA.
 
2012-11-13 12:19:14 PM
I say, let them go.

Without Texas and all its electoral votes, the Republicans will never win another national election again. The Texas School Board won't get to dictate textbook standards to the rest of the nation anymore. There will be a lot fewer oil billionaires influencing our national environmental and energy policy. We won't any longer have to poor federal money into the state for basic social services because those "low-tax patriots" refuse to spend any state money on social services for their own sick and destitute.

Just think how much greater America would be without Texas. I'm really not seeing the downside here.
 
2012-11-13 12:19:20 PM
25,000 rock-stupid Texans.

And THIS is why you didn't get a Space Shuttle, Texas.

IMO, the Smithsonian ought to ask for their Saturn V back.

And move the JSC to Florida as well.

/F*CK TEXAS!
//Don't want to hear any crap about parts of Texas being Progressive either. If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.
 
2012-11-13 12:19:37 PM
As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.
 
2012-11-13 12:20:01 PM
They mention being able to keep a balanced budget in the petition. Googling "Texas state balanced budget" returns a bunch of articles about accounting tricks and federal money. I'm not sorting through this stuff at the moment, but it seems that this tidbit may not quite be the case.
 
2012-11-13 12:20:20 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-13 12:20:27 PM
Holy cannoli!!! Over 71,000 signatures so far!!!


/Meh. Call me when it gets to a brazillion.
 
2012-11-13 12:20:29 PM
I remember when I was a tyrant king.
 
2012-11-13 12:20:41 PM

Doc Daneeka: I say, let them go


Why let them go when we could sell them back to Mexico?
 
2012-11-13 12:20:46 PM
I guess Fark is filling the void left by election BS with secession BS. Thank god we were able to find something we could continue to act like jackasses about after the election.
 
2012-11-13 12:20:53 PM
The best part of that petition are the signatures from Massachusetts, Illinois, Pennsylvania, etc...
 
2012-11-13 12:21:04 PM
For the record, a similar petition for Louisiana has also exceeded 25,000 signatures. This should be entertaining, if nothing else.

/Native Texan
//Still my favorite part of the country, regardless of political shenanigans on both sides there
 
2012-11-13 12:21:05 PM
How can a petition of 25,000 signatures in a state of over 25 million trigger something like this (that is 0.1% of the population). I am 100% sure that even most Texans aren't stupid enough to agree with this.
 
2012-11-13 12:21:56 PM
Texas seceding would be the greatest thing that's ever happened to the US. Without Texas's Congressmen, the Democrats would take the House and further their control of the Senate. Not to mention that without it's 38 electoral votes the Republicans would never have a chance at the White House ever again.
 
2012-11-13 12:22:00 PM
These guys sure do love America and the Constitution.
 
2012-11-13 12:22:27 PM
So, seeing as how you are declaring your intent to secede by signing one of these petitions, does that mean you're renouncing your citizenship? And if so, what does that mean for question j on form 4473? Link. Wouldn't be surprised to find out that the people who signed these petitions don't realize they just gave Barry and the BATFE a list of people who technically won't pass their NICS check anymore.....
 
2012-11-13 12:22:34 PM
The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.
 
2012-11-13 12:23:34 PM

Perducci: Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.


As if Quebec would have them.
 
2012-11-13 12:24:09 PM

Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.


All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?
 
2012-11-13 12:24:10 PM

ModernPrimitive01: If Texas leaves the union where will I, as a liberal Tennesseean, be able to point and laugh at someone who is more backward than my home state?


Well, liberal Texans use Oklahoma for similar pointing-and-laughing uses.
 
2012-11-13 12:24:28 PM

Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.


Just a thought.

Before you do this, you must remove anyone that is not an insane, racist right-wing GOP militant, and children. Once you do, and enforce all what you just said, Mexico will issue that Texas is now a state-wide prison territory for drug cartels (there's no death penalty in Mexico, except within the ranks of the military).

It's a win-win.
 
2012-11-13 12:24:32 PM
"We've reviewed your request and the answer is no. Here, have a lollipop"
 
2012-11-13 12:24:57 PM

k4mi: trigger something like this


worth keeping in mind what 'this' is in the above statement.

a response that consists of 'yah, there's a petition - next question?' is still a response.
 
2012-11-13 12:25:06 PM
Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration
 
2012-11-13 12:25:12 PM
Well to be fair... the president's skin is rather dark.
 
2012-11-13 12:25:49 PM

MooseUpNorth: Perducci: Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

As if Quebec would have them.


It would be fun to watch.
 
2012-11-13 12:26:01 PM
CygnusDarius:

maxheck: In other news, you can find 25,000 people in TX who think that the world is flat and was created in 6 days, but that doesn't make them any less idiots.

There is such a thing as The Flat Earth Society. No, seriously, it's not just a Bad Religion song, look it up.

Oh, I know, and the Church of the Subgenius had tens of thousands of members back before X day. But most of their members have their tongues firmly planted in their cheek, unlike the nitwits who signed this petition.

/ Onetime Grand Bromide of the Church of the biatchin' Black Cadillac.
 
2012-11-13 12:26:07 PM

Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.


Nah. First amendment and all that.

Unless they act on it and take over a town then declare it independent or something, there's nothing but ridicule due to them.
 
2012-11-13 12:26:27 PM
I know it's idiocy, but has this particular flavor of idiocy happened before? Is there secessionist wharrgarbl every time a president is elected/re-elected and I just haven't been paying attention?
 
2012-11-13 12:26:48 PM

Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?


probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL
 
2012-11-13 12:26:54 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


If you're going to try to troll, at least put some effort into it.

FFS, this is sad. Whatever happened to the 'good' trolls? The ones that could at least make you feel 'something' other than sad for the would-be troller...
 
2012-11-13 12:27:01 PM
This would have *any* relevance if it was somehow related to the state government of Texas. Micah H should probably direct this to his local government first, eh?

You want to know how official this nonsense is? It's not even all Texans on the petition and the creator was either too lazy or too ignorant to use the correct name of nation he intends to leave behind. USA is the abbreviation of a country name. "The US" is just a pronoun in caps.

"WHO WANTS TO SECEDE?"
"US!"

Strangely, the petition author cites the NDAA as a blatant abuse of the rights of American citizens. Yet, national defense spending is just about the one thing everyone can agree the Federal government should be allowed to do.
 
2012-11-13 12:27:12 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....


in my fever dreams, farkers will be too drunk to be politically correct.

i guess for clarity, it's worth asking - is mooning or wagging of genitalia generally considered politically correct?
 
2012-11-13 12:27:17 PM
Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage
 
2012-11-13 12:27:27 PM
Because secession worked out so well the last time some states tried it.

History books, not just for resting your head...
 
2012-11-13 12:28:09 PM
A quick glance at all these petitions (including for such redneck havens as New Jersey, New York, California, and my home state of Colorado) show they are almost all identical boilerplate, sometimes submitted by non-residents of the state concerned, with multiple identical petitions for some states because the teatards can't read, and all being cross-signed by the same group of morans from various other states.
 
2012-11-13 12:28:16 PM

skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL


the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.
 
2012-11-13 12:28:34 PM

ActivKino: I know it's idiocy, but has this particular flavor of idiocy happened before? Is there secessionist wharrgarbl every time a president is elected/re-elected and I just haven't been paying attention?


You're forgetting this president is stubbornly remaining black.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:33 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-11-13 12:29:34 PM

wildcardjack: Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x262]

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.


Texas is primarily worthless nothing. Vast tracts of...nothing. Texas oil fields aren't what they once were, and beyond that, there's just...nothing.

Offshore oil fields, on the other hand...

Of course, rights to those belong to the US - not Texas. Texas can't support itself without oil money. Take away the oil, and you've just got a giant worthless desert.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:37 PM

VarmintCong: My thought is that we should let them go, and then invade them for their oil a week later.


Then it will be an occupied nation. And I'd be okay with that.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:45 PM

ActivKino: Is there secessionist wharrgarbl every time a president is elected/re-elected and I just haven't been paying attention?


to be fair, there was secessionist wharrrgarble before the election, too.

perhaps this just turned the dial up a notch, but...yah. Presidentin' while insufficiently Republican is going to be a high crime AND a misdemeanor before we're done getting the stupid of the last election out of our system.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:48 PM
LET.

THEM.

Some of the highest teen pregnancy, which can not all be attributed to "anchor babies". Scientific education is laughable. I could go on and on. Seriously, just LET. THEM. GOOOOOO. 

We shouldn't have let them back into the Union in the first place. Ditto the rest of them. Let them have their ignorance and their slavery. GTFO.
 
2012-11-13 12:30:04 PM
Why ask for their share of the national debt? It's not getting paid as it is, or anytime in the future. Most dems think texas is a sewer pit if ignorance anyways. Let them leave just for that.

But, they wont get to
1. They are net income tax payers to the feds (along with California etc...)
2. Having a tax friendly national government that close to the lower 47 or 46 would be too big of a draw to all the other buisness in the US. No crazy california state taxes, and presumably much lower nation of texas taxes. (Blah blah, make it illegal to move buisness to texas, then they would have to do it with china etc..)
3. Texas has a good portion of the few remaining oil refineries in the US. Two oil refineries temporarily shut down in california and our pric3s went up $1.50. No new refinery has been built in the US since the 1970s (I think).
 
2012-11-13 12:30:23 PM

Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.


treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.
 
2012-11-13 12:30:48 PM

CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage


Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?
 
2012-11-13 12:31:34 PM

TV's Vinnie: If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.


Keyboard, monitor, you know the drill
 
2012-11-13 12:32:04 PM
Really, a one line response is all that's necessary:

Texas v. White, 74 U.S. 700 (1869)
 
2012-11-13 12:32:22 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


Two things:

1.- Welcome to the yellow brigade
2.- 2/10 troll harder
 
2012-11-13 12:32:23 PM
The official response should be a photo of the President taking a leak on Jefferson Davis's grave.
 
2012-11-13 12:32:26 PM
Ideal White House response: Please proceed, Texas.
 
2012-11-13 12:32:29 PM

skullkrusher: Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.

treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.


It just seems to me that a citizen actively working to agitate for the dissolution of his own nation...I mean, we an arrest someone for 'loitering', but this is legal?
 
2012-11-13 12:33:22 PM
How about we fight them for it? Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas. And then Obama can come in and redistrict, then appoint Democrats to every federal and state government position, and taaa-daaaa... Texas becomes permanently blue.
 
2012-11-13 12:33:24 PM

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.


They should make it a "Save the Date" post card...

24.media.tumblr.com

On reverse:

Dear Texas,

Thank you for your petition requesting secession from the Union. At this time, we are unable to accommodate your request, but as a token of our appreciation, we will add Texas to our "Uncle Billy's 2012 Southern BBQ Tour".

Please advise which consecutive series of dates you will be available for participation.

Reminder: Hiding of valuables in the garden will just make Uncle Billy angry.

Yours,

The United States of America"
 
2012-11-13 12:33:39 PM

Infernalist: mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

If you're going to try to troll, at least put some effort into it.

FFS, this is sad. Whatever happened to the 'good' trolls? The ones that could at least make you feel 'something' other than sad for the would-be troller...


Agreed, if I had the sound turned on, all I would've heard while reading were fart noises coming through the speakers.

Remember when Fark trolls had more to offer than fart noises as words?
 
2012-11-13 12:33:45 PM

lostcat: How about the 25,648,681 Texans who don't want to secede just give these people a mid-sized town near the border and cut them off from all local, state and federal funds and services.

Heck, let them keep the roads, sewers, water and electric lines, schools, town hall, fire and police station, water treatment facilites, etc. Just no training or funding to keep anything of those things working.


That works by me.

It would also make life a lot better for the rest of us not to have to deal with the derpy mouth-breathers, about like running off all of the village idiots.
 
2012-11-13 12:34:13 PM
Obama should do the only thing he CAN do with this (other than ignore it) - he should refer it to the House without comment.
 
2012-11-13 12:35:47 PM

Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.

treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.

It just seems to me that a citizen actively working to agitate for the dissolution of his own nation...I mean, we an arrest someone for 'loitering', but this is legal?


I guess?
 
2012-11-13 12:35:55 PM

TV's Vinnie: 25,000 rock-stupid Texans.

And THIS is why you didn't get a Space Shuttle, Texas.

IMO, the Smithsonian ought to ask for their Saturn V back.

And move the JSC to Florida as well.

/F*CK TEXAS!
//Don't want to hear any crap about parts of Texas being Progressive either. If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.


Stupid is right. Hell, they'd probably pay $5 a month for a free message forum.
 
2012-11-13 12:36:24 PM

keylock71: rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

They should make it a "Save the Date" post card...

[24.media.tumblr.com image 390x544]

On reverse:

Dear Texas,

Thank you for your petition requesting secession from the Union. At this time, we are unable to accommodate your request, but as a token of our appreciation, we will add Texas to our "Uncle Billy's 2012 Southern BBQ Tour".

Please advise which consecutive series of dates you will be available for participation.

Reminder: Hiding of valuables in the garden will just make Uncle Billy angry.

Yours,

The United States of America"


Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.
 
2012-11-13 12:36:24 PM
Texas doesn't even want to know the amount of money the US government would be hitting them for if they seceded. Newly independent countries start out with way more debt than they have money in the Treasury. It's why Texas joined the Union the first time.
 
2012-11-13 12:36:37 PM
Let them go. Cut off all federal support, and put up border crossings so anybody wanting to leave the state has to show proper ID and have a passport. You have to control what would become illegal immigrants wanting to cross into our country.

It's funny to me how the super conservatives are absolutly crying over this election. Maybe how your acting now is a sign of why you didn't have much support.
 
2012-11-13 12:37:23 PM
Let's give them a trial period, say, by immediately removing all federal security at the border for a week. Let's see how that goes for them.

Also we should carpet bomb Dallas. Just in general, I mean, whether they secede or not.
 
2012-11-13 12:37:28 PM
i.i.com.com

Dear Micah H,

Thank you for your petition. It is always good to see citizens using the Federal government's website to ask to secede from the Federal government.

You mentioned you were a member of the Tea Party. I regret to inform you that the Tea Party is actually against secession. Since you are politically active, and I support my political opponents' right to express their views, I would direct you to the Lemon Party. As supporters of secession, they may have something to offer you.

Sincerely,
President Barack Obama

1.bp.blogspot.com

Dear Mr. Soetoro,

At first I ignored your suggestion, because you're not my President. My family shares my E-Mail, and my grandmother says she likes the Lemon Party, so I will research it, but only because she suggested that I do - not because of you.

- Micah H.

i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-13 12:37:37 PM

DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.


how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?
 
2012-11-13 12:38:25 PM

verbaltoxin: Texas doesn't even want to know the amount of money the US government would be hitting them for if they seceded. Newly independent countries start out with way more debt than they have money in the Treasury. It's why Texas joined the Union the first time.


Well, that and Santa Anna was rallying his armies for a rematch of 1836. Sam Houston saw the writing on the wall and begged to be annexed before the Mexican army could cross the Rio Grande.
 
2012-11-13 12:38:45 PM
" I despise and mock these farkin people and all they stand for, but I INSIST they remain part of our collective"
 
2012-11-13 12:38:55 PM

Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.


Heh... He still makes Georgia howl to this day. : )
 
2012-11-13 12:39:21 PM

heap: DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.

how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?


...we get to keep Willie and ZZ Top, anyway.
 
2012-11-13 12:39:55 PM
I didn't get what I wanted.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Sane Texans, I'm sorry you have to live with these chucklefarks.
 
2012-11-13 12:39:58 PM

FirstNationalBastard: CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage

Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?


You forgot Biden's bird.
 
2012-11-13 12:40:01 PM
There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.
 
2012-11-13 12:40:22 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


With this new batch of trolls, I imagine an airhorn that just blares "DEEEEERRRRRRRRRRP" when activated; that noise is then translated into a random assortment of words using poorly written voice recognition software. The result is then translated from Derp to English and posted here.
 
2012-11-13 12:40:31 PM

heap: how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?


THIS
 
2012-11-13 12:41:20 PM

doubled99: " I despise and mock these farkin people and all they stand for, but I INSIST they remain part of our collective"


Well yes, they deserve to be mocked. That doesn't mean they can't stay and continue to be mocked! Texas will sit here and listen to the hilarious things I have to say about them!
 
2012-11-13 12:41:28 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


So let me get this straight. Mexicans will endure the hardship and risk of illegally crossing the border presumably in order to build a better life for themselves than they could have in Mexico. And then they will decide that the best way to create that life is to live in Mexico?
 
2012-11-13 12:41:49 PM

keylock71: Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.

Heh... He still makes Georgia howl to this day. : )


Almost 150 years ago, and he's still the boogyman. The man plainly knew how to make an impression.
 
2012-11-13 12:42:24 PM
Also, let them leave, at least something interesting would happen. They could:
1. Fail worse
2. Stay about the same
3. Succeed better than the US

It would be an interesting experiment.
 
2012-11-13 12:42:34 PM

Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.


I'm in no way for Texas secession but what you said is patently false. Texas is mostly privately owned, the fed owns very little. Big bend, some military bases, etc. secondly, if Texas did secede then obviously the offshore oil in Texas waters would belong to Texas. You can't own territorial waters without owning the land they correspond with. Canada cant own San Francisco Bay for example.
 
2012-11-13 12:42:36 PM

SuperJonnyC: There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.


We've heard this since Dec 29th, 1845.
 
2012-11-13 12:44:23 PM

Epoch_Zero: We've heard this since Dec 29th, 1845.


You where there?!
 
2012-11-13 12:44:29 PM

Matt Foley: The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.


Me, strangest boner, etc.
 
2012-11-13 12:44:55 PM

jst3p:


Came for this. Thanks.
 
2012-11-13 12:45:00 PM

M11618: Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

I'm in no way for Texas secession but what you said is patently false. Texas is mostly privately owned, the fed owns very little. Big bend, some military bases, etc. secondly, if Texas did secede then obviously the offshore oil in Texas waters would belong to Texas. You can't own territorial waters without owning the land they correspond with. Canada cant own San Francisco Bay for example.


If Canada can lay claim to San Fran Bay and back it up, then...they do own it, don't they?

If, hypothetically speaking, Texas did go their own way and the remaining U.S. said "Those are our derricks and platforms." and moves in forces to take them by force if need be... What exactly is Texas going to do? Sue them?
 
2012-11-13 12:45:27 PM
Obama should go up to the podium, say "The issue of secession was settled in the Appomattox Courthouse on April 9th, 1865" and then walk away.
 
2012-11-13 12:45:43 PM
verbaltoxin Smartest
Funniest
2012-11-13 12:41:20 PM


doubled99: " I despise and mock these farkin people and all they stand for, but I INSIST they remain part of our collective"

Well yes, they deserve to be mocked. That doesn't mean they can't stay and continue to be mocked! Texas will sit here and listen to the hilarious things I have to say about them!




I accept that
 
2012-11-13 12:45:50 PM
s11.postimage.org

"I Am Disinclined To Acquiesce Your Request."
 
2012-11-13 12:46:07 PM
When Virginia joined the Union it was with the written understanding that they were free to secede.

That said, all of this is racism pure and simple. Obama is just a shade to the right of Andrew Jackson.
 
2012-11-13 12:47:09 PM
'left' typo need sleep
 
2012-11-13 12:47:18 PM

phritz: Let's give them a trial period, say, by immediately removing all federal security at the border for a week. Let's see how that goes for them.


Don't remove the security. Just relocate it to the northern border. Call it a trial period.
 
2012-11-13 12:47:35 PM
And it seems the official response is coming in now...

volcanolady1.files.wordpress.com

"Prepare to die!"

/I must have posted pictures of Sherman in ten related threads by now, this is ridiculous
 
2012-11-13 12:47:40 PM

More_Like_A_Stain: mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

So let me get this straight. Mexicans will endure the hardship and risk of illegally crossing the border presumably in order to build a better life for themselves than they could have in Mexico. And then they will decide that the best way to create that life is to live in Mexico?


What makes you think they'd join Mexico? Why not their own country?
 
2012-11-13 12:48:03 PM
Im sure a good chunk of those signatures are from liberals wanting to kick them out
 
2012-11-13 12:49:07 PM

Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.


Sure, nothing Texans like better than people who won't speak English, and think they're better than you. They'll get along famously.
 
2012-11-13 12:49:11 PM
1) Teenage pregnancy rates are off the charts in TX
2) Obama made contraception that much easier to procure.
3) Enjoy your black plague, TX. Feel free to put a wall up so your 400 million residents in 2040 can die off in peace.
 
2012-11-13 12:49:14 PM
if WH has the power to do that (my guess is, this would require a constitutional amendment), it should say, Please Proceed.

But for me to like it even better, it should say, take Arizona with you on your way out. and that knob thing.
 
2012-11-13 12:49:40 PM

Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.


I'm not sure which way I'd bet if it came down to a fight between Los Zetas and the TNG.

Actually we should let them secede AS a State, but then invoke the Monroe Doctrine, and inform them that we are claiming them as a US protectorate with a status somewhat similar to Puerto Rico's
 
2012-11-13 12:51:16 PM

Britney Spear's Speculum: Im sure a good chunk of those signatures are from liberals wanting to kick them out


WHAR PETITION WHAR?

//will sign WeedHitler BonerLord (to mix things up a bit)
 
2012-11-13 12:51:26 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.


SO. MUCH. THIS.

/This is why I fav'd FNB - Magnificent Bastard!
 
2012-11-13 12:51:31 PM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: I think he should just walk into the press room, go behind the podium, pick up the mic, recite Bill Pullman's speech from Independence Day, drop it, and leave. But that's just me.


Podium

Lectern

/TMMK!
 
2012-11-13 12:52:26 PM
I want to start a parallel "Kick Texas out of the Union" petition.
 
2012-11-13 12:53:39 PM

Magorn: Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.

I'm not sure which way I'd bet if it came down to a fight between Los Zetas and the TNG.

Actually we should let them secede AS a State, but then invoke the Monroe Doctrine, and inform them that we are claiming them as a US protectorate with a status somewhat similar to Puerto Rico's


Only after they've had a few hard months outside the graces of American protection. Whether it's drug cartels carving up the place, or the Mexican army setting up shop, it doesn't matter.
These farkwits think that they can just waltz out there and form their own nation and the rest of the world is going to not only 'not hurt' them, but actually 'help them'.
 
2012-11-13 12:54:51 PM
How I wish Obama would respond. Unaltered (save for the date and the place the petition was placed).

Dear Sir.

I have just read yours of the 10th. addressed to myself through the White House website. If there be in it any statements, or assumptions of fact, which I may know to be erroneous, I do not, now and here, controvert them. If there be in it any inferences which I may believe to be falsely drawn, I do not now and here, argue against them. If there be perceptable in it an impatient and dictatorial tone, I waive it in deference to an old friend, whose heart I have always supposed to be right.

As to the policy I "seem to be pursuing" as you say, I have not meant to leave any one in doubt.

I would save the Union. I would save it the shortest way under the Constitution. The sooner the national authority can be restored; the nearer the Union will be "the Union as it was." If there be those who would not save the Union, unless they could at the same time save slavery, I do not agree with them. If there be those who would not save the Union unless they could at the same time destroy slavery, I do not agree with them. My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that. What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save the Union; and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the Union. I shall do less whenever I shall believe what I am doing hurts the cause, and I shall do more whenever I shall believe doing more will help the cause. I shall try to correct errors when shown to be errors; and I shall adopt new views so fast as they shall appear to be true views.

I have here stated my purpose according to my view of official duty; and I intend no modification of my oft-expressed personal wish that all men everywhere could be free.
 
2012-11-13 12:55:35 PM

BgJonson79: More_Like_A_Stain: mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

So let me get this straight. Mexicans will endure the hardship and risk of illegally crossing the border presumably in order to build a better life for themselves than they could have in Mexico. And then they will decide that the best way to create that life is to live in Mexico?

What makes you think they'd join Mexico? Why not their own country?


Because they're not stupid enough to think that they can wrestle an economy the size of California from the US without somebodies help. And even if they did, Mexico could not let a prize like that sit on her border for very long without either the government or the drug cartels swallowing it up. And the US would not likely be eager to defend them.
 
2012-11-13 12:55:41 PM
Just let them go. Pack them a lunch, give them a nickel for milk and send them on their way to be some other adult's problem. The loss of Texas will not be a loss. We can send Florida and Arizona with them to keep them company.
 
2012-11-13 12:56:28 PM

CygnusDarius: FirstNationalBastard: CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage

Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?

You forgot Biden's bird.


Jill Biden can also wear bikini if she want too.
 
2012-11-13 01:00:25 PM

phritz: Also we should carpet bomb Dallas. Just in general, I mean, whether they secede or not.


Actually, if you could nail the freeways on the south side of downtown, where I-35E, I-30, US75 and I-45 get all jumbled because it was hip to run major freeways next to downtowns in the 1950's, we could finally get those redone in a fashion that works. Maybe get things so the through traffic goes down Loop12 to I-20 back to I-35E instead of through the downtown.

If you hit Frisco while you're at it we could use some help with our infestation of Californians.

But if you hit Lakewood or Oak Cliff we'd lose the old neighborhoods and have nothing but McMansions rebuilt in their place.
 
2012-11-13 01:00:38 PM

doubled99: So love it or leave it, huh? They want to leave it. LET THEM


They can leave. The land is American, it stays; or else. It's a free country, not free land. They want to go, border is that'away, don't come back.
 
2012-11-13 01:00:49 PM
I can't decide what is funnier - the expected angry-white-boy secessionist response to Obama's re-election from a handball of nutball Freeper types or the totally predictable "let them go and see how they like it!!!" overreaction from the pouting Fark chorus of manchildren.

/carpetbagger living in Texas; love it and the crazy people here
 
2012-11-13 01:00:55 PM

JackieRabbit: Just let them go. Pack them a lunch, give them a nickel for milk and send them on their way to be some other adult's problem. The loss of Texas will not be a loss. We can send Florida and Arizona with them to keep them company.


I disagree... The natural resources, land and everything built in those states is part of the Union.

If these morons are so pissed off about the black guy winning re-election, then they can take their sorry asses to another country more in line with their views.

Sure, they can try to secede by force of arms, but that didn't work out so well for them the last time they tried it.
 
2012-11-13 01:00:56 PM
25,000 signatures? Big deal. Over 400,000 have signed a petition asking Macy's to severe its ties with Donald Trump. Call back when you can beat that.
 
2012-11-13 01:01:35 PM
Texas is pretty much already gone anyway. Can't find a radio station that speaks english south of San Antonio now.
 
2012-11-13 01:02:02 PM
Why on earth is there a petition to secede in the first place? Shouldn't they be doing some kind of armed revolution instead? Why would the president look at 25k signatures and say "Oh yes, these people should decide what 25 million people in the state want!" And then allow the secession to take place?

Just showing how stupid they are. Again.
 
2012-11-13 01:02:11 PM

FirstNationalBastard: CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage

Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?


Bonus: They come to the stage in Biden's Trans-Am.
 
2012-11-13 01:03:50 PM
Anyone else really excited at the prospect of Joe Biden: Road Warrior?
 
2012-11-13 01:04:58 PM
As long as we get to keep Austin*, I'm OK with this.

*Texas can keep everything north of W Anderson and south of Ben White. I like my Austin pre-Dell.
 
2012-11-13 01:06:53 PM
I hate that the people in my state are so stupid. This is why the US shouldn't allow the Texas board of education determine the curriculum for the entire country. It seems I was the only one taught that Texas joined the union because it was bankrupt. It begged to be a state. Damn butt hurt conservatives.
 
2012-11-13 01:07:07 PM
Deport the traitors.
 
2012-11-13 01:07:09 PM

maxheck: I didn't get what I wanted.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Sane Texans, I'm sorry you have to live with these chucklefarks.


Your sympathy is appreciated.
 
2012-11-13 01:08:23 PM
Again, sent last night from my boss:

Texas succeeding the Union is exactly the wake up call the rest of this country needs! And Texas is the only state that has the balls (and therefore the obligation) to do it! Consider this: the popular vote ratio of Texas voters in this last election was approximately 60% Republican vs 40% democrat. The California vote was almost exactly the reciprocal of that. Now, consider the fact that Texas has created the most jobs in the last four years of any other state in the Union and has had a balanced state budget with no state income tax during that time, versus California (the poster child state for liberals), which has had one of the worst job records, highest percentage of population in the country on entitlement programs, one of the highest state income tax rates, and a bankrupt state budget, and the choice is clear. I mean how do you argue with that without sounding like you're totally out of touch with reality? It just disturbs and enrages me that so many "Americans" don't see this obvious and simple truth. Texas succeeding the Union? HELL YES!!! WHERE DO WE SIGN UP???
 
2012-11-13 01:08:30 PM
Tickle Mittens Smartest
Funniest
2012-11-13 01:00:38 PM


doubled99: So love it or leave it, huh? They want to leave it. LET THEM

They can leave. The land is American, it stays; or else. It's a free country, not free land. They want to go, border is that'away, don't come back.




Don't be so self-righteous. We stole the land.
 
2012-11-13 01:09:11 PM

TV's Vinnie: 25,000 rock-stupid Texans.

And THIS is why you didn't get a Space Shuttle, Texas.

IMO, the Smithsonian ought to ask for their Saturn V back.

And move the JSC to Florida as well.

/F*CK TEXAS!
//Don't want to hear any crap about parts of Texas being Progressive either. If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.


You know what I learned this month? There are over 58 million rock-stupid Americans.

This is why you inbred hicks don't have a space shuttle anymore.

In my opinion, Russia and China ought to take control of the ISS, and Japan should get to bomb Hawaii again. Just for lulz.

/Fark America!
//I don't want to hear any poutine about parts of America being Progressive, either. If you saw a pair of pants with manure all over the lower half except for the urban pockets, with an annoyingly archaic design that caused your wang to hang out in 2000, leading to eight years of voter-sanctioned death and destruction, you wouldn't put them on.
///Obviously, because America's rural parts are crazy and over-exposed, the entire country has no redeeming values, and because you are some toothless redneck hick, Canada wouldn't take you.
 
2012-11-13 01:09:21 PM
i1357.photobucket.com 
how was this not posted yet?
 
2012-11-13 01:09:30 PM
I'm pretty sure on-line petitions aren't valid for a purpose such as this. The signatures need to be verifiable.
 
2012-11-13 01:11:29 PM

star_topology: Again, sent last night from my boss:

Texas succeeding the Union is exactly the wake up call the rest of this country needs! And Texas is the only state that has the balls (and therefore the obligation) to do it! Consider this: the popular vote ratio of Texas voters in this last election was approximately 60% Republican vs 40% democrat. The California vote was almost exactly the reciprocal of that. Now, consider the fact that Texas has created the most jobs in the last four years of any other state in the Union and has had a balanced state budget with no state income tax during that time, versus California (the poster child state for liberals), which has had one of the worst job records, highest percentage of population in the country on entitlement programs, one of the highest state income tax rates, and a bankrupt state budget, and the choice is clear. I mean how do you argue with that without sounding like you're totally out of touch with reality? It just disturbs and enrages me that so many "Americans" don't see this obvious and simple truth. Texas succeeding the Union? HELL YES!!! WHERE DO WE SIGN UP???


The typos make it even sweeter. I would hate to have a boss who would so willingly shove his own politics down my throat constantly, though.
 
2012-11-13 01:11:30 PM
"Dear Texas
Door
Ass
Don't let it hit you,..or do, who cares.

You have a sandyvag over an election... good riddance, get the fark out, your sense of self-importance has 0 basis in reality.

1. Repossession:
We now repossess our federal lands/holdings/monies/educational facilities.
Any access to same is now illegal for your population. The US will now take over access ways to our holdings via imminent domain.
- 1a. Military:
All military bases/assets/holdings/equipment will be returned to the US government control, no Texas citizens may serve or operate within US facilities. These holdings and access to same are property of the US government (see sec 1) We do however have a special purchase program if you'd like to buy your own military hardware, unfortunately the current holdings would eat up your GDP for the next 50 years. We will leave some bayonets for you gratis.
- 1b. Nuclear Assets
All nuclear materials/facilities/equipment will be returned to the US government control, no Texas citizens may serve or operate within US facilities. These holdings and access to same are property of the US government (see sec 1). Any attempt to create a nuclear facility or obtain nuclear materials will be seen as an act of aggression against the US government and will be dealt with in accordance.
- 1c. Oil Reserves.
As much of the oil land holdings in the country of Texas are currently owned/partially owned by companies existing in the USA and/or the US government, these holdings will be considered US soil and their control will remain that of US citizens and/or the US government. If you would like to purchase this land an agreement can be reached for a fee and a % of assets in perpetuity.

2. Immigration:
No passports will be issued to Texas due to the hostile nature of this act.
And hindrance of US citizens with access to US assets will be seen as an act of war.

3. Debt
The state of Texas shall continue to pay the US government until their current debt is paid off, the USA will allow Texas to pay this debt off in installments with a 9.8% APR.

4. Assistance:
The US does not consider Texas an enemy per say but will not devote any of it's local military assets to the defense of Texas excepting whereas that defense would be fairly compensated for with land or money, or in which case a threat is posed to the USA in which case no authorization from Texas will be needed to carry out our defense initiatives.

4. Competitive Sports:
You are no longer part of any American sports leagues at the state or national level, nor will you be able to compete in these events. We suggest you specialize in soccer now as no one will ever care about your sports teams ever again. (that realization alone would make the people revolt and kiss Uncle Sam's Dangly bits.)

5. Return:
The state of Texas will have a grace period of 2 years to return to the USA, When you do return there will be "Penalties and restrictive conditions" in measure to being self-important whiney biatches.

-Yours Truly
Barry (glad I never have to see big hats and boots again" Obama

P.S. Have fun with that immigration issue, we'll just call you Mexas from now on."



The Texas financial structure looks good on paper, but I would LOVE to see "go it alone" Texas doesn't paint a picture of a country that can survive on it's own, nor of one that can garner the co-operation of others, they would be North Mexico in under two years.


Never liked the ignorant indignation of the south, and this is just cementing those feelings.
 
2012-11-13 01:12:13 PM
Hear them out!
 
2012-11-13 01:12:16 PM

heap: DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.

how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?


I'd rather see shot-for-shot whiskey drink-off between Obama and Gov. Perry. The loser has to pay for the pizza.
 
2012-11-13 01:13:13 PM

Biness: Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.


Fme, I thought I would be the first person to post this. This really is one of those cases where we actually would be better off without them.
 
2012-11-13 01:13:34 PM

KarmicDisaster: He should tell the signers to self-deport if they want to. I know someone that did during the last election. It isn't going very well for them in spite of the web sites that they looked at that told them it would be a libertarian paradise.


I would like more details please so I can enjoy their failure.
 
2012-11-13 01:14:49 PM

garandman1a: Before everyone says 'no way', think about it.

1) Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.
2) With the loss of 30 something guaranteed red state votes, he would make the path to the Whitehouse much easier for Nancy Pelosi.


I came in here for the old 'wellBye.jpg', but that last thing you said makes me farking terrified.
 
2012-11-13 01:16:09 PM

lennavan: Biness: Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.

Fme, I thought I would be the first person to post this. This really is one of those cases where we actually would be better off without them.


Not we. He.
 
2012-11-13 01:18:05 PM

doubled99: Don't be so self-righteous. We stole the land.


Self-rightious? No. Realistic. Might doesn't make right, but it does make the rules.
 
2012-11-13 01:18:08 PM

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.


I think you mean Gen. Sheridan
 
2012-11-13 01:18:43 PM

doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.


In all fairness, it would take a lot of expense to get them back. Manpower, etc.--other countries are less happy about releasing claimed territory than us, and Mexico would try a land grab as soon as possible.
 
2012-11-13 01:19:52 PM

Matt Foley: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.


i359.photobucket.com

i267.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 01:20:04 PM

tinderfitles: Anyone else really excited at the prospect of Joe Biden: Road Warrior?


i46.tinypic.com
There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your Camaro, the oil, the TexMex food, and the whole of your Amtrak Eagle routes, and I'll spare your lives. Just walk away and we'll give you a safe passageway in the wastelands. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror. And there will be ice cream.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-11-13 01:21:53 PM

sodomizer: You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.


BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That is all.
 
2012-11-13 01:22:24 PM

Mija: KarmicDisaster: He should tell the signers to self-deport if they want to. I know someone that did during the last election. It isn't going very well for them in spite of the web sites that they looked at that told them it would be a libertarian paradise.

I would like more details please so I can enjoy their failure.


I can't say because they might lurk. They live in Panama now. First the emails were gloating, now they are pitiful and pleading. I guess that the expected collapse it taking a bit too long.
 
2012-11-13 01:22:32 PM

sprawl15: Secession is unconstitutional. QED.


So is unreasonable search and seizure.
So are a lot of things people put up with because they are pussies.
Now, If those pussies want to quit out nation, fine. We keep the real estate, and they may git.
Deportation is not unconstitutional.
 
2012-11-13 01:23:27 PM

Wadded Beef: Hear them out!


What butt hurt people who are crying because they lost. Make up bullshiat that Obama is a "socialist" even though he is to the right of almost all Republicans before the 80's and probably right to some of those after.

What haven't we heard from these nutballs? We've heard what they have to say. They live in a delusional fantasy world.
 
2012-11-13 01:24:57 PM
This is what happens when regular Internet dwellers stumble onto something like this....

*what a hoot.....I'll sign this for the lulz...."
 
2012-11-13 01:25:02 PM

DarnoKonrad: Doc Daneeka: I say, let them go

Why let them go when we could sell them back to Mexico?


I really don't want to have to wear Pemex orange when I travel to Houston.
 
2012-11-13 01:25:07 PM

wildcardjack: Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x262]

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.


3000 decommissioned nuclear warheads.
 
2012-11-13 01:25:38 PM

lennavan: Biness: Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.

Fme, I thought I would be the first person to post this. This really is one of those cases where we actually would be better off without them.


In the short term perhaps.


But shifting demographics mean that Texas will probably be a swing state within a few election cycles. If current trends hold out over the long term, it'll be a solidly blue state eventually. The only way to reverse this is if the Republicans figure out how to win the Hispanic vote, which is possible as long as they don't take the opposite lesson from the 2012 election...which they probably will and turn even harder to the right.
 
2012-11-13 01:27:06 PM

MrPenny: This is what happens when regular Internet dwellers stumble onto something like this....

*what a hoot.....I'll sign this for the lulz...."


We need ones making fun of the Tea Party people like.


Petition to make people who say to follow the Constitution read what actually is in the Constitution and have them realize secession is not in there.
 
2012-11-13 01:27:20 PM

phritz: Let's give them a trial period, say, by immediately removing all federal security at the border for a week. Let's see how that goes for them.

Also we should carpet bomb Dallas. Just in general, I mean, whether they secede or not.


Can we wait til the weekend? Get to open for The Wailers on Thursday, and I'd hate to miss that.
 
2012-11-13 01:27:48 PM
IIRC, Texas had the right to break into 5 or so separate states. Don't know if that right is still valid after joining the CSA and rejoining the Union. If so, they should do that and let the new Texas decide on secession individually. It wont be any new state with Dallas, Austin, San Antonio or Houston.
 
2012-11-13 01:27:55 PM

lennavan: Biness: Obama actually has a big incentive to let them go. The loss of Texas' pretty reliable electoral college votes would pretty much guarantee democrat presidents for the near to mid term future.

Fme, I thought I would be the first person to post this. This really is one of those cases where we actually would be better off without them.


As I said,.. if we boot them while keeping our assets and making them pay their debt, I can't see a downside.

As a country we get smarter, leaner, we keep the best parts of texas (oil/nuclear/reservations/preservations/military) and you've got the party line GOP shills, some billionaires and the rest of the population looking like deer in the headlights as they watch barbed wire go up around our federal parks, nuclear facilities, and oil fields, then get lost in the dust of miltary vehicles heading north with our bombs/guns/tanks.
 
2012-11-13 01:28:54 PM

FeedTheCollapse: I'm guessing it'll be more of a "Haha no." type response.


This. Maybe look into enough of the IPs to add a comment about most of the signatures being the result of the shiat getting posted to FARK and so on and not being, y'know, from Texas.

doubled99: Don't be so self-righteous. We stole the land.


Nope, acquisition of land by conquest/colonization wasn't universally illegal until 1974. Before then, it was only banned for a limited set of nations (the treaty of Nuremburg in the late 1940s). At the time that the US gained basically all of its territories, colonization and conquest were considered the most legitimate methods of expansion, both in European and in pre-colonial American tradition (the Eastern nations were conquering each other all over the damned place until the late 1600s, and obviously the Aztecs in central America kinda rode a wave of blood to dominance, to give a couple examples).

There's a a Wiki page about this if you want to try having some elementary-school level of what you're discussing before you type something mind-numbingly stupid at us again. Maybe follow some links and shiat?
 
2012-11-13 01:30:37 PM
 
2012-11-13 01:31:53 PM

Renart: It's just that we have vaster derpish hinterlands than most states, so our population centers aren't enough (yet) to outvote Whargarbl-Americans.



That's assuming that your views are actually right, which is a big leap of faith, comrade...
 
2012-11-13 01:33:42 PM
Oh goddamn it. Can we just send all those idiots who signed the petition somewhere else? Once we kick the crazies out of Texas, this'll be a great state.

/fark you for continuing to make Texas a punchline
//at least I live in Austin
 
2012-11-13 01:33:52 PM
People, people! Please!

The Texas vs. White 76 U.S. 700 (1869) decision clearly puts into law that a State may not unilaterally secede from the Union.

susanhenschen.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-13 01:34:03 PM

Sock Ruh Tease: [i.i.com.com image 620x350]

Dear Micah H,

Thank you for your petition. It is always good to see citizens using the Federal government's website to ask to secede from the Federal government.

You mentioned you were a member of the Tea Party. I regret to inform you that the Tea Party is actually against secession. Since you are politically active, and I support my political opponents' right to express their views, I would direct you to the Lemon Party. As supporters of secession, they may have something to offer you.

Sincerely,
President Barack Obama

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x278]

Dear Mr. Soetoro,

At first I ignored your suggestion, because you're not my President. My family shares my E-Mail, and my grandmother says she likes the Lemon Party, so I will research it, but only because she suggested that I do - not because of you.

- Micah H.

[i.imgur.com image 570x238]


LOL. I love the boot-strappyness of Micah H.
 
2012-11-13 01:34:13 PM

Kuroshin: wildcardjack: Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x262]

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.

Texas is primarily worthless nothing. Vast tracts of...nothing. Texas oil fields aren't what they once were, and beyond that, there's just...nothing.

Offshore oil fields, on the other hand...

Of course, rights to those belong to the US - not Texas. Texas can't support itself without oil money. Take away the oil, and you've just got a giant worthless desert.


That map WAS interesting, I didn't realize it was so little here.

Austin does have a very strong economy. Got Houston and Dallas, too.

The odd part is that Austin is very... different than the surrounding state. Pretty conservative outside of Austin, and Austin as a whole wouldn't really be on board with this secession thing. Ironically, yes, Austin is the capitol of Texas, yet we pretty much hate Rick Perry and the Legislature seated here. Let's not forget Texas is the state driving the revisionist/creationist textbook problem across the nation.

I'm not sure how to imagine how this would go down. Austin-area would essentially be Texas' bread-and-butter, but the conservative bulk of the state would probably try to sideline it and smother it in a blanket of "conservative reform".
 
2012-11-13 01:35:01 PM

Scruggy: rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

I think you mean Gen. Sheridan


Din't those Texas surrendermonkeys give up before Sheridan even reached their state?
 
2012-11-13 01:36:24 PM

Bendal: "Get your legislature to send me a request, then we'll talk."

Then sit back and watch the fun erupt.


I would love to see this. Turn them on their City, County and State Reps and say "SIKEM".

What would you do Perry? What would you do?
 
2012-11-13 01:37:29 PM

NetOwl: //I don't want to hear any poutine about parts of America being Progressive, either. If you saw a pair of pants with manure all over the lower half except for the urban pockets, with an annoyingly archaic design that caused your wang to hang out in 2000, leading to eight years of voter-sanctioned death and destruction, you wouldn't put them on.


LOL
 
2012-11-13 01:37:40 PM

sodomizer: That's assuming that your views are actually right, which is a big leap of faith, comrade...


You're not my comrade, guy!
 
2012-11-13 01:37:42 PM
Two sentences into the Wikipedia article it's clear that seceding is not an option.

Loosen the bone Wilma, loosen the bone.

Who knew so many conservatives were such drama queens?
 
2012-11-13 01:38:56 PM

kumanoki: People, people! Please!

The Texas vs. White 76 U.S. 700 (1869) decision clearly puts into law that a State may not unilaterally secede from the Union.

[susanhenschen.files.wordpress.com image 320x353]


You're getting a lot out of that image today in this post-election-GOP-rage-begets-Liberal-rage-at-the-audacity-and-stupidi ty-of-the-GOP-rage wasteland
 
2012-11-13 01:41:24 PM
Besides, the US paid Mexico for big chunks of Texas. Who's got title?
 
2012-11-13 01:41:58 PM

kumanoki: People, people! Please!

The Texas vs. White 76 U.S. 700 (1869) decision clearly puts into law that a State may not unilaterally secede from the Union.


But isn't the point of the petition so that they aren't unilaterally leaving the Union without permission (or expressed written consent of the NBA)?
 
2012-11-13 01:42:37 PM
Aides say possible responses include "aww hell Naw" and "No. Fark You"

Making this case no different to how the Obama administration handles relations with pretty much anyone else who isn't a major donor.
 
2012-11-13 01:45:00 PM

hatelabs: We will leave some bayonets sporks for you gratis.


The only necessary change. That was beautiful.
 
2012-11-13 01:46:47 PM

Infernalist: mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

If you're going to try to troll, at least put some effort into it.

FFS, this is sad. Whatever happened to the 'good' trolls? The ones that could at least make you feel 'something' other than sad for the would-be troller...


...or mark12a could have been making what yhey thought to be a funny/witty comment (subjective criteria).

Not everyone you disagree with is a troll.
 
2012-11-13 01:46:54 PM

coeyagi: kumanoki: People, people! Please!

The Texas vs. White 76 U.S. 700 (1869) decision clearly puts into law that a State may not unilaterally secede from the Union.

[susanhenschen.files.wordpress.com image 320x353]

You're getting a lot out of that image today in this post-election-GOP-rage-begets-Liberal-rage-at-the-audacity-and-stupidi ty-of-the-GOP-rage wasteland


I am, aren't I?

I feel like I should be using this picture instead:

static.flickr.com

"I won't ask for my glasses back as a favour. I won't ask Jack to be a sport, I'll say not because he's strong but because what's right's right."
 
2012-11-13 01:47:19 PM

Amy Winehouse's Ghost: Who knew so many conservatives were such drama queens?


Anyone who has been paying attention since the Clinton years? : )
 
2012-11-13 01:47:59 PM

jonasborg: super_grass: You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?

This


^^^^
 
2012-11-13 01:49:17 PM

thunderbird8804: And it seems the official response is coming in now...

[volcanolady1.files.wordpress.com image 390x544]

"Prepare to die!"

/I must have posted pictures of Sherman in ten related threads by now, this is ridiculous



Me too.
snarkerati.com
 
2012-11-13 01:51:05 PM
You think there would be enough room left over for the rest of these neo-jebus tinfoil hatters?

/crosses fingers
 
2012-11-13 01:51:51 PM

Buck Henderson: They mention being able to keep a balanced budget in the petition. Googling "Texas state balanced budget" returns a bunch of articles about accounting tricks and federal money. I'm not sorting through this stuff at the moment, but it seems that this tidbit may not quite be the case.


Most every State has such a requirement in their constitutions. It's a horrible idea - it guarantees that State and local government spending will be procyclical rather than countercyclical, so it makes recessions worse.

A better idea would be to have a budget that's balanced when averaged over many years, to allow for some recession-fighting (and corresponding savings in good times). Admittedly that sort of requirement would be difficult to enumerate in a precise legal way.
 
2012-11-13 01:53:50 PM
Folks, 'Cheaters' has been filmed in the state for over the past decade. I think it's clear, Texas has to go...
 
2012-11-13 01:53:57 PM

sirgrim: Please, we insist.


Sure, why not. I also agree with:

www.sectalk.com
 
2012-11-13 01:55:43 PM

verbaltoxin: doubled99: " I despise and mock these farkin people and all they stand for, but I INSIST they remain part of our collective"

Well yes, they deserve to be mocked. That doesn't mean they can't stay and continue to be mocked! Texas will sit here and listen to the hilarious things I have to say about them!


I live in Texas yet I share none of the views which you are against. Are you saying you're somehow superior to me based on geography alone?
 
2012-11-13 02:00:29 PM

sethen320: I live in Texas yet I share none of the views which you are against. Are you saying you're somehow superior to me based on geography alone?


a texan poo-poo-ing somebody else over claims of geographical superiority.

i think we can unplug the internet now, we've now played out every possible scenario.
 
2012-11-13 02:02:24 PM

SuperJonnyC: There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.


Say what you want, but I'm not apologizing because people can't do simple math and realize that 25,000 people is a pretty insignificant number of people and certainly not an indicator of popular opinion.
 
2012-11-13 02:03:34 PM
Let em go. Next time we feel the itch to have an oil driven war, we don't have to go as far.
 
2012-11-13 02:05:48 PM

garandman1a: Before everyone says 'no way', think about it.

1) Obama hates Texas as much, if not more, then Texas hates Obama.
2) With the loss of 30 something guaranteed red state votes, he would make the path to the Whitehouse much easier for Nancy Pelosi.


You're projecting.

I can't recall Obama making any statement or action that would lead you to believe that, so I am gonna just chalk it up to you needing to make shiat up to justify your own hatred.
 
2012-11-13 02:10:47 PM

Jaws_Victim: Why on earth is there a petition to secede in the first place? Shouldn't they be doing some kind of armed revolution instead? Why would the president look at 25k signatures and say "Oh yes, these people should decide what 25 million people in the state want!" And then allow the secession to take place?

Just showing how stupid they are. Again.


Actually what you just pointed out in your comment is showing how stupid everyone here is acting. I think you pretty much just showed why this is not a big deal and really shouldn't even be news.
 
2012-11-13 02:12:07 PM
www.recaption.com
 
2012-11-13 02:16:58 PM

Sexpun T'Come: Just go then.


I was thinking you were posting the song from Portal 2.
 
2012-11-13 02:19:31 PM

SocraticIrony: Texas seceding would be the greatest thing that's ever happened to the US. Without Texas's Congressmen, the Democrats would take the House and further their control of the Senate. Not to mention that without it's 38 electoral votes the Republicans would never have a chance at the White House ever again.


I think the biggest 'problem' is that if Texas secedes there may be 25 or so states that would gladly joint the new republic it created. Before you laugh, look at a globe from 30 years ago and then one from today, countries do it all the time.
 
2012-11-13 02:20:16 PM
"The White House may decline to address certain procurement, law enforcement, adjudicatory, or similar matters properly within the jurisdiction of federal departments or agencies, federal courts, or state and local government."

So no, don't expect a substantive reply.
 
2012-11-13 02:20:18 PM

heap: sethen320: I live in Texas yet I share none of the views which you are against. Are you saying you're somehow superior to me based on geography alone?

a texan poo-poo-ing somebody else over claims of geographical superiority.

i think we can unplug the internet now, we've now played out every possible scenario.


Did you even attempt to comprehend the question?
 
2012-11-13 02:21:20 PM
Did they ever respond to our petition over SOPA? 4.5 million signatures later?
 
2012-11-13 02:23:25 PM

sethen320: heap: sethen320: I live in Texas yet I share none of the views which you are against. Are you saying you're somehow superior to me based on geography alone?

a texan poo-poo-ing somebody else over claims of geographical superiority.

i think we can unplug the internet now, we've now played out every possible scenario.

Did you even attempt to comprehend the question?


....

that's all you get. it's the internet equivalent of a blank stare.
 
2012-11-13 02:23:57 PM

ModernPrimitive01: If Texas leaves the union where will I, as a liberal Tennesseean, be able to point and laugh at someone who is more backward than my home state?

/Mississippi I'm looking at you


Awwww, come on, we've got Arkansas right next door. It's ripe with backwoods hicks!!
 
2012-11-13 02:24:10 PM

sodomizer: You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.


Because the conservative party's inspiration is totally the Soviet Union.
Enjoy having your secession effort getting invaded by America like your inspiration, Nazi Germany.
 
2012-11-13 02:25:27 PM

sprawl15: Secession is unconstitutional. QED.


However, breaking into New Texas and Good Ol' South Texas in Jesus' Name Amenland IS constitutional. It's also... insanely complicated, but it's constitutional. Sometimes.
 
2012-11-13 02:25:40 PM
Considering that Texas has not decided to secede, but only a whole lot of jokers and Internet loudmouths, I predict a stony silence from the White House.
 
2012-11-13 02:26:15 PM

Burning_Monk: [s11.postimage.org image 276x164]

"I Am Disinclined To Acquiesce Your Request."


'ere ya go, guv'!

25.media.tumblr.com 

/the monkey's expression is amazingly appropriate
 
2012-11-13 02:27:11 PM

Hebalo: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

Sure, nothing Texans like better than people who won't speak English, and think they're better than you. They'll get along famously.


They'll be fine - there will be a great trade of potato, cheese, and gravy recipes and much rejoicing.
 
2012-11-13 02:28:00 PM

keylock71: JackieRabbit: Just let them go. Pack them a lunch, give them a nickel for milk and send them on their way to be some other adult's problem. The loss of Texas will not be a loss. We can send Florida and Arizona with them to keep them company.

I disagree... The natural resources, land and everything built in those states is part of the Union.

If these morons are so pissed off about the black guy winning re-election, then they can take their sorry asses to another country more in line with their views.

Sure, they can try to secede by force of arms, but that didn't work out so well for them the last time they tried it.


Their petition only shows what morons they are. One doesn't petition to secede. One simply sends the president a letter of secession and recalls its Congressional delegation (and hope there's no 1860 reprise). In Texas' case, one of their biggest industries is the military, which several bases and major military contractors located there. It's way bigger than oil. All that will, of course, have to be moved to somewhere else, but hey, they won't have the big, mean, spend-happy, boated federal gub'ment telling what they can and can't do anymore. A few kids can go hungry for that cause.
 
2012-11-13 02:31:24 PM
DNRTFA but if I were the guy in charge of the response to this, I'd just respond with this link.
 
2012-11-13 02:32:27 PM
There is no law forbidding or allowing secession. If Texas or any other state decides to secede, the resulting peaceful separation or war will depend not on law, but on the will of whomever happens to be Commander-in-Chief at the time.

Texas ability to secede is easier than most because they were an independent country who decided to join the union. To opt out, according to the Texas Constitution, could be as simple as getting 50.1% on a ballot prop.
 
2012-11-13 02:34:28 PM
Response: We will allow anyone who has signed said petition to revoke their United States Citizenship........GTFO.
 
2012-11-13 02:37:05 PM

heap: sethen320: heap: sethen320: I live in Texas yet I share none of the views which you are against. Are you saying you're somehow superior to me based on geography alone?

a texan poo-poo-ing somebody else over claims of geographical superiority.

i think we can unplug the internet now, we've now played out every possible scenario.

Did you even attempt to comprehend the question?

....

that's all you get. it's the internet equivalent of a blank stare.


Let me go ahead and break this down so that you can fully comprehend what's going on. If I need to use smaller words let me know and I will repost.

My original question was in NO way implying that I was superior based on geography. I was removing the obvious negatives from the original argument and asking if I would still be looked down upon simply because I reside within a given boundary on a map, which seems somewhat silly. There was no malicious intent.

It was an attempt at an actual discussion rather than childish insults and , which apparently is not going to happen here. You read a very simple sentence, wanted it to mean something different, and instead of trying to use even a small amount of reading comprehehnsion, you chose to act like a child.
 
2012-11-13 02:37:20 PM

pxsteel: There is no law forbidding or allowing secession. If Texas or any other state decides to secede, the resulting peaceful separation or war will depend not on law, but on the will of whomever happens to be Commander-in-Chief at the time.

Texas ability to secede is easier than most because they were an independent country who decided to join the union. To opt out, according to the Texas Constitution, could be as simple as getting 50.1% on a ballot prop.


I don't if Texas kept that option after joining the CSA and rejoining the Union.
 
2012-11-13 02:39:40 PM

pxsteel: There is no law forbidding or allowing secession. If Texas or any other state decides to secede, the resulting peaceful separation or war will depend not on law, but on the will of whomever happens to be Commander-in-Chief at the time.

Texas ability to secede is easier than most because they were an independent country who decided to join the union. To opt out, according to the Texas Constitution, could be as simple as getting 50.1% on a ballot prop.


Hey, guess what? You are entirely wrong on all counts.
 
2012-11-13 02:44:29 PM
Only 77,237 signatures. And I thought everything was big in Texas.
 
2012-11-13 02:45:26 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: pxsteel: There is no law forbidding or allowing secession. If Texas or any other state decides to secede, the resulting peaceful separation or war will depend not on law, but on the will of whomever happens to be Commander-in-Chief at the time.

Texas ability to secede is easier than most because they were an independent country who decided to join the union. To opt out, according to the Texas Constitution, could be as simple as getting 50.1% on a ballot prop.

Hey, guess what? You are entirely wrong on all counts.


Well, at least he's consistent.
 
2012-11-13 02:45:33 PM
They have two choices:
1. Become a new country, separate from the United States and Mexico, or;
2. Become part of another country, like Mexico.

The latter option would be impossible for Texans to swallow; they worked so hard to steal that land in the first place, after all. So, it'd have to be the former.

Imagine the fun inherent in that option. We'd have to put up a border fence around Texas, to prevent Texans from illegally immigrating into the United States. They would have to work out a government that couldn't piss off either the United States or Mexico, because they wouldn't have either on which to depend. They would have to figure out a self-sustaining economy. Their cluelessness, both domestically and internationally, would result in some form of conflict - Texas would finally be a whole 'nother country, and in short order, one under embargo. As the only land access to Texas would be through either the United States or Mexico, and without a navy of their own, well, it wouldn't take much to guarantee that such an embargo would make Iraq's decade-long embargo seem like a field day by comparison.

The inevitable result is that either the United States or Mexico would reclaim Texas in a short conflict. If the United States was forced to reclaim Texas, we'd probably treat it as a federal territory, similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.

Texas passports would contain the phrase, "THE BEARER IS A UNITED STATES NATIONAL AND NOT A UNITED STATES CITIZEN." Texans would not be able to destroy public schooling, or screw up elections, or make idiotic proclamations that would be taken seriously by real U.S. citizens. Texas would become as relevant as, well, Puerto Rico - heck, even less so, as we may end up making Puerto Rico a state soon.

Texas out, Puerto Rico in. I could live with that.
 
2012-11-13 02:45:45 PM

This About That: Considering that Texas has not decided to secede, but only a whole lot of jokers and Internet loudmouths, I predict a stony silence from the White House.


The Texas Secession Movement is way more than just a few internet jokers. Even some of the politicians are supporting it. But you are correct. The White House should just ignore this.
 
2012-11-13 02:46:46 PM
Obama should respond just with internet meme macros. Either Quaker guy "Hah hah no" or Yotsuba "no."
 
2012-11-13 02:50:39 PM

Satanic_Hamster: Obama should respond just with internet meme macros. Either Quaker guy "Hah hah no" or Yotsuba "no."


You're a known troll account. Your opinion doesn't matter.
 
2012-11-13 02:50:53 PM

FormlessOne: Texas out, Puerto Rico in. I could live with that.


At least we wouldn't have to change the flag.
 
2012-11-13 02:51:03 PM

DoBeDoBeDo: Why would they respond with a picture of the guy who burned his way EAST from Louisiana?


IIRC, Sherman was Military Governor of Texas during Reconstruction. They probably still remember him, not necessarily with any fondness.
 
2012-11-13 02:51:59 PM

lostcat: How about the 25,648,681 Texans who don't want to secede just give these people a mid-sized town near the border and cut them off from all local, state and federal funds and services.

Heck, let them keep the roads, sewers, water and electric lines, schools, town hall, fire and police station, water treatment facilites, etc. Just no training or funding to keep anything of those things working.


There are some sections of US land, due to legal restrictions and the difficulty of building right on the Rio Grande, that are south of the border wall. They can have that.
 
2012-11-13 02:52:09 PM
Wow. 25k sigs out of 25M in Texas. That's like, an overwhelming majority, about 0.1%.

We should all take this very seriously.
 
2012-11-13 02:53:03 PM
Somebody needs to 'shop a sphincter over the star on a texass flag.
 
2012-11-13 02:53:50 PM

simplicimus: pxsteel: There is no law forbidding or allowing secession. If Texas or any other state decides to secede, the resulting peaceful separation or war will depend not on law, but on the will of whomever happens to be Commander-in-Chief at the time.

Texas ability to secede is easier than most because they were an independent country who decided to join the union. To opt out, according to the Texas Constitution, could be as simple as getting 50.1% on a ballot prop.

I don't if Texas kept that option after joining the CSA and rejoining the Union.


It was not a 'check box' option, the Texas Constitution simply states that the Texas people have the power of will. That is why it could be as simple as a ballot prop. Texas has had a very strong secede lobby for a couple of decades. This could get dicey really fast.
 
2012-11-13 02:57:28 PM

sethen320: Let me go ahead and break this down so that you can fully comprehend what's going on. If I need to use smaller words let me know and I will repost.

My original question was in NO way implying that I was superior based on geography. I was removing the obvious negatives from the original argument and asking if I would still be looked down upon simply because I reside within a given boundary on a map, which seems somewhat silly. There was no malicious intent.

It was an attempt at an actual discussion rather than childish insults and , which apparently is not going to happen here. You read a very simple sentence, wanted it to mean something different, and instead of trying to use even a small amount of reading comprehehnsion, you chose to act like a child.


i'm just going to assume that you're the only texan that has never met another texan, and are blissfully unaware of their proclivity towards proclaiming superiority based on their geographic origin.

because if i assume anything else, i have to wonder what part of the joke you not only didn't get, but decided to overreact to.
 
2012-11-13 02:57:30 PM

pxsteel: This could get dicey really fast.


Not as fast as it would be over.
 
2012-11-13 03:00:12 PM
Texas isn't going anywhere... Neither are the crybabies who signed these ridiculous petitions.

Give 'em a couple of weeks, these morons will find something else to be righteously indignant about besides a Democrat in the White House.
 
2012-11-13 03:00:12 PM

Wenchmaster: DoBeDoBeDo: Why would they respond with a picture of the guy who burned his way EAST from Louisiana?

IIRC, Sherman was Military Governor of Texas during Reconstruction. They probably still remember him, not necessarily with any fondness.


"My aim, then, was to whip the rebels, to humble their pride, to follow them to their inmost recesses, and make them fear and dread us. Fear is the beginning of wisdom." - Sherman
 
2012-11-13 03:00:33 PM

heap: sethen320: Let me go ahead and break this down so that you can fully comprehend what's going on. If I need to use smaller words let me know and I will repost.

My original question was in NO way implying that I was superior based on geography. I was removing the obvious negatives from the original argument and asking if I would still be looked down upon simply because I reside within a given boundary on a map, which seems somewhat silly. There was no malicious intent.

It was an attempt at an actual discussion rather than childish insults and , which apparently is not going to happen here. You read a very simple sentence, wanted it to mean something different, and instead of trying to use even a small amount of reading comprehehnsion, you chose to act like a child.

i'm just going to assume that you're the only texan that has never met another texan, and are blissfully unaware of their proclivity towards proclaiming superiority based on their geographic origin.

because if i assume anything else, i have to wonder what part of the joke you not only didn't get, but decided to overreact to.


Would it make you feel better if I just agree with you? I was looking for an actual discussion, not this. Never mind.
 
2012-11-13 03:02:01 PM

sodomizer: You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.


2/10 (you did get a few nibbles, after all)
 
2012-11-13 03:02:21 PM

keylock71: Texas isn't going anywhere... Neither are the crybabies who signed these ridiculous petitions.

Give 'em a couple of weeks, these morons will find something else to be righteously indignant about besides a Democrat in the White House.


I agree with your first statement, but not the second. I'm sure they'll still hate the guy in a few weeks. Just sayin... 

/heap, care to misinterpret?
 
2012-11-13 03:02:35 PM

Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.


Thanks. All I can see now are Texans meeting up with French-speaking Quebeckers.
 
2012-11-13 03:03:04 PM

sethen320: Would it make you feel better if I just agree with you?


not really, but i'm always up for a good polka.

will you polka dance with me?
 
2012-11-13 03:04:15 PM

sethen320: keylock71: Texas isn't going anywhere... Neither are the crybabies who signed these ridiculous petitions.

Give 'em a couple of weeks, these morons will find something else to be righteously indignant about besides a Democrat in the White House.

I agree with your first statement, but not the second. I'm sure they'll still hate the guy in a few weeks. Just sayin... 

/heap, care to misinterpret?


sure - so you mean that you hate black people? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT?
 
2012-11-13 03:05:55 PM

sethen320: keylock71: Texas isn't going anywhere... Neither are the crybabies who signed these ridiculous petitions.

Give 'em a couple of weeks, these morons will find something else to be righteously indignant about besides a Democrat in the White House.

I agree with your first statement, but not the second. I'm sure they'll still hate the guy in a few weeks. Just sayin... 

/heap, care to misinterpret?


Oh, they'll still hate him... No doubt. But their vitriol will be aimed at some equally ridiculous "scandal" or "cover up" or perceived affront to their Americanness. : )

We all know people like this... Not happy unless they're biatching about something or being "persecuted" for their beliefs by everyone they disagree with.
 
2012-11-13 03:06:14 PM

sodomizer: You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.


I know what you mean. Just look since they elected Obama they only added 5 million jobs, doubled the stock market value and reduced the deficit spending by hundreds of billions, while having no major attacks and winding down a couple of wars.

The country sure did go to hell in a hand basket with Obama's communist works in place.
 
2012-11-13 03:07:12 PM
I'd love it if their response was something along the lines of "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. Oh, and if you'd be so kind, take Alabama and Kansas with you."
 
2012-11-13 03:07:28 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.


Texas: The American Quebec
 
2012-11-13 03:07:30 PM
What in the world is wrong with you people? So much ill will to a state of millions of people because seventy thousand people made a petition on a government website that will ultimately do nothing... I just don't understand...

I am from Texas. I do not think secession is a smart idea. But at least debate the topic using your brain instead of hopping to ridiculous conclusions that you pull out of your ass. "Oh the only thing left in Texas will be the dust left behind by the military vehicles leaving." "Can't wait for Sherman to come back and carpet bomb a city of millions of people who harbor no ill will towards me." "The nation will be so much better off without Texas since Democrats (who are totally infallible) can take control of the federal government, and we don't have support such a useless, worthless, and pathetic state that millions of people call home."

It's fine to disagree with the (stupid) idea of states leaving the union. But there is a fine line between disagreeing with a sentiment of <1% of the population and wishing ill upon the whole state of millions because of the <1%. To all who want to see Texas burn or see people die because their ideological perspective is different than your own, you should be ashamed of yourself. Dwell what it means to be an American.
 
2012-11-13 03:08:03 PM

heap: sethen320: Would it make you feel better if I just agree with you?

not really, but i'm always up for a good polka.

will you polka dance with me?


Can't dance. It's a curse, really.
 
2012-11-13 03:11:17 PM

shender: ...But at least debate the topic using your brain instead of hopping to ridiculous conclusions that you pull out of your ass...


I can tell that you're a very ambitious person.
 
2012-11-13 03:13:18 PM
Meanwhile, in texas...

i50.tinypic.com
 
2012-11-13 03:14:14 PM

shender: What in the world is wrong with you people?


it's fark - our reaction to somebody getting tazed is either proclaiming the presence of jackbooted brownshirts with badges or trumpeted as a clarion call to shock the shiat out of anybody that litters. a circumcision thread will bring comparisons to joseph mengele, a lady taking a picture of a streetlight will turn into thousands of posts of confusion, mockery, and the absolute goofiest shiat one could contemplate.

fark is where people let their id off the leash to wander around and hump the furniture. that isn't what's wrong with us, that's what is right with us.
 
2012-11-13 03:15:42 PM
If a state wants to leave I think they should be allowed to do so. No union or country for that matter is going to last forever.

That said the current issue is merely one of election butt-hurt. I don't think they are really serious about wanting out but trying to embarrass Obama.

Last one out gets stuck with the debt!
 
2012-11-13 03:19:40 PM

More_Like_A_Stain: pxsteel: This could get dicey really fast.

Not as fast as it would be over.


I don't actually believe that such a prop would pass. However, Texas controls about 85% of the petroleum production for the US, also something like 1/3 of the Fortune 500 companies are based in Texas. If it did get on the ballot, I would not take it lightly.
 
2012-11-13 03:21:05 PM
Wow, I wonder how many states threatened to secede when Bush got re-elected?
 
2012-11-13 03:21:55 PM

pxsteel: More_Like_A_Stain: pxsteel: This could get dicey really fast.

Not as fast as it would be over.

I don't actually believe that such a prop would pass. However, Texas controls about 85% of the petroleum production for the US, also something like 1/3 of the Fortune 500 companies are based in Texas. If it did get on the ballot, I would not take it lightly.


I bet you thought Romney would win big too.
 
2012-11-13 03:22:25 PM

gunther_bumpass: Hebalo: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

Sure, nothing Texans like better than people who won't speak English, and think they're better than you. They'll get along famously.

They'll be fine - there will be a great trade of potato, cheese, and gravy recipes and much rejoicing.


Aw HELL naw!

FYI, although many of my fellow Quebecois are nationalist idjits, they're also for the most part hard left nationalist idjits. Quebec is easily the most left-wing province in Canada, overall. Add in the strong sentiment of English language superiority you get in Texas (you know, "English as official language") from the same people who would want to separate, and you're looking at a response more akin to "mortal enemy" rather than "let's join forces".
 
2012-11-13 03:22:33 PM
Oil, ports, etc. If they convinced Louisiana to join them, that's like 40% of the US maritime shipping traffic by tonnage via New Orleans, Houston, and Port Arthur. Congress would have an awful lot of constituents who want their shipping to continue uninterrupted pressuring them to make the transition seamless as possible. There's also telecoms who won't want to lose 30 million paying customers, sports teams who won't want to break up their leagues, and foreign shipping interests who will have something to say.

If you think Texas could go without the rest of the country feeling it, you're fooling yourselves. Doesn't mean they can't, just that it's not a simple surgery.
 
2012-11-13 03:23:20 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: pxsteel: More_Like_A_Stain: pxsteel: This could get dicey really fast.

Not as fast as it would be over.

I don't actually believe that such a prop would pass. However, Texas controls about 85% of the petroleum production for the US, also something like 1/3 of the Fortune 500 companies are based in Texas. If it did get on the ballot, I would not take it lightly.

I bet you thought Romney would win big too.


WTF are you talking about?
 
2012-11-13 03:23:55 PM
Imma be serious on this. if i was the president i would put out a group response to all the succession petitions and close them all down, the response would simply be a cut and paste of the Constitution making succession illegal and nothing else as it doesn't matter how nice you are these nitwits are gonna be pissed with anything short of what the president has no reason or authority to grant.
 
2012-11-13 03:24:24 PM

Daniels: Oil, ports, etc. If they convinced Louisiana to join them, that's like 40% of the US maritime shipping traffic by tonnage via New Orleans, Houston, and Port Arthur. Congress would have an awful lot of constituents who want their shipping to continue uninterrupted pressuring them to make the transition seamless as possible. There's also telecoms who won't want to lose 30 million paying customers, sports teams who won't want to break up their leagues, and foreign shipping interests who will have something to say.

If you think Texas could go without the rest of the country feeling it, you're fooling yourselves. Doesn't mean they can't, just that it's not a simple surgery.


Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.
 
2012-11-13 03:24:41 PM

KiltedBastich: FYI, although many of my fellow Quebecois are nationalist idjits, they're also for the most part hard left nationalist idjits. Quebec is easily the most left-wing province in Canada, overall. Add in the strong sentiment of English language superiority you get in Texas (you know, "English as official language") from the same people who would want to separate, and you're looking at a response more akin to "mortal enemy" rather than "let's join forces".


think of it in terms of texas being Jack Klugman and quebec being Tony Randall.
 
2012-11-13 03:24:49 PM

sethen320: Philip Francis Queeg: pxsteel: More_Like_A_Stain: pxsteel: This could get dicey really fast.

Not as fast as it would be over.

I don't actually believe that such a prop would pass. However, Texas controls about 85% of the petroleum production for the US, also something like 1/3 of the Fortune 500 companies are based in Texas. If it did get on the ballot, I would not take it lightly.

I bet you thought Romney would win big too.

WTF are you talking about?


I'm guessing somebody got caught being "concerned."
 
2012-11-13 03:26:14 PM
Everyone sign the petition, ok?
 
2012-11-13 03:26:52 PM

grimlock1972: Imma be serious on this. if i was the president i would put out a group response to all the succession petitions and close them all down, the response would simply be a cut and paste of the Constitution making succession illegal and nothing else as it doesn't matter how nice you are these nitwits are gonna be pissed with anything short of what the president has no reason or authority to grant.


If you were president I would hope you knew the difference between succession and secession.

I'm not picking on you, it's just a peeve. The word has been used extensively throughout the thread.
 
2012-11-13 03:27:41 PM

FormlessOne: They have two choices:
1. Become a new country, separate from the United States and Mexico, or;
2. Become part of another country, like Mexico.

The latter option would be impossible for Texans to swallow; they worked so hard to steal that land in the first place, after all. So, it'd have to be the former.

Imagine the fun inherent in that option. We'd have to put up a border fence around Texas, to prevent Texans from illegally immigrating into the United States. They would have to work out a government that couldn't piss off either the United States or Mexico, because they wouldn't have either on which to depend. They would have to figure out a self-sustaining economy.

heir cluelessness, both domestically and internationally, would result in some form of conflict - Texas would finally be a whole 'nother country, and in short order, one under embargo.

As the only land access to Texas would be through either the United States or Mexico, and without a navy of their own, well, it wouldn't take much to guarantee that such an embargo would make Iraq's decade-long embargo seem like a field day by comparison.


The inevitable result is that either the United States or Mexico would reclaim Texas in a short conflict. If the United States was forced to reclaim Texas, we'd probably treat it as a federal territory, similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.
Texas passports would contain the phrase, "THE BEARER IS A UNITED STATES NATIONAL AND NOT A UNITED STATES CITIZEN." Texans would not be able to destroy public schooling, or screw up elections, or make idiotic proclamations that would be taken seriously by real U.S. citizens. Texas would become as relevant as, well, Puerto Rico - heck, even less so, as we may end up making Puerto Rico a state soon.

Texas out, Puerto Rico in. I could live with that.
.


That's a well thought out scenario for something that will never happen, but you left out 1 thing. Texas oil and gas production means your fuel prices at least double over night, which means every good and service price increases and the dollar is going to drop on the open market further deteriorating buying power. So enjoy that.
 
2012-11-13 03:27:53 PM

grimlock1972: Imma be serious on this. if i was the president i would put out a group response to all the succession petitions and close them all down, the response would simply be a cut and paste of the Constitution making succession illegal and nothing else as it doesn't matter how nice you are these nitwits are gonna be pissed with anything short of what the president has no reason or authority to grant.


I do agree with you though, nothing is going to satisfy the dumbasses.
 
2012-11-13 03:29:26 PM

jaybeezey: FormlessOne: They have two choices:
1. Become a new country, separate from the United States and Mexico, or;
2. Become part of another country, like Mexico.

The latter option would be impossible for Texans to swallow; they worked so hard to steal that land in the first place, after all. So, it'd have to be the former.

Imagine the fun inherent in that option. We'd have to put up a border fence around Texas, to prevent Texans from illegally immigrating into the United States. They would have to work out a government that couldn't piss off either the United States or Mexico, because they wouldn't have either on which to depend. They would have to figure out a self-sustaining economy.

heir cluelessness, both domestically and internationally, would result in some form of conflict - Texas would finally be a whole 'nother country, and in short order, one under embargo.

As the only land access to Texas would be through either the United States or Mexico, and without a navy of their own, well, it wouldn't take much to guarantee that such an embargo would make Iraq's decade-long embargo seem like a field day by comparison.


The inevitable result is that either the United States or Mexico would reclaim Texas in a short conflict. If the United States was forced to reclaim Texas, we'd probably treat it as a federal territory, similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.
Texas passports would contain the phrase, "THE BEARER IS A UNITED STATES NATIONAL AND NOT A UNITED STATES CITIZEN." Texans would not be able to destroy public schooling, or screw up elections, or make idiotic proclamations that would be taken seriously by real U.S. citizens. Texas would become as relevant as, well, Puerto Rico - heck, even less so, as we may end up making Puerto Rico a state soon.

Texas out, Puerto Rico in. I could live with that.
.

That's a well thought out scenario for something that will never happen, but you left out 1 thing. Texas oil ...


In the end though, the chance of any of this happening is 0%.
 
2012-11-13 03:31:45 PM

whidbey: sethen320: Philip Francis Queeg: pxsteel: More_Like_A_Stain: pxsteel: This could get dicey really fast.

Not as fast as it would be over.

I don't actually believe that such a prop would pass. However, Texas controls about 85% of the petroleum production for the US, also something like 1/3 of the Fortune 500 companies are based in Texas. If it did get on the ballot, I would not take it lightly.

I bet you thought Romney would win big too.

WTF are you talking about?

I'm guessing somebody got caught being "concerned."


I guess I missed something. It just looked like the response had nothing to do with the initial statement.
 
2012-11-13 03:31:51 PM

KiltedBastich: gunther_bumpass: Hebalo: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

Sure, nothing Texans like better than people who won't speak English, and think they're better than you. They'll get along famously.

They'll be fine - there will be a great trade of potato, cheese, and gravy recipes and much rejoicing.

Aw HELL naw!

FYI, although many of my fellow Quebecois are nationalist idjits, they're also for the most part hard left nationalist idjits. Quebec is easily the most left-wing province in Canada, overall. Add in the strong sentiment of English language superiority you get in Texas (you know, "English as official language") from the same people who would want to separate, and you're looking at a response more akin to "mortal enemy" rather than "let's join forces".


Such negativity on the eve of the Great Deep-Fried Poutine Summit.
 
2012-11-13 03:32:16 PM

heap: shender: What in the world is wrong with you people?

it's fark - our reaction to somebody getting tazed is either proclaiming the presence of jackbooted brownshirts with badges or trumpeted as a clarion call to shock the shiat out of anybody that litters. a circumcision thread will bring comparisons to joseph mengele, a lady taking a picture of a streetlight will turn into thousands of posts of confusion, mockery, and the absolute goofiest shiat one could contemplate.

fark is where people let their id off the leash to wander around and hump the furniture. that isn't what's wrong with us, that's what is right with us.


Well said, that.
 
2012-11-13 03:32:29 PM

hatelabs: The state of Texas shall continue to pay the US government until their current debt is paid off, the USA will allow Texas to pay this debt off in installments with a 9.8% APR.


Texas is one of the few states that actually gives more than it receives. Try a little harder with the basic facts.
 
2012-11-13 03:32:37 PM
Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.
 
2012-11-13 03:33:37 PM
"Thank you for submitting a petition to whitehouse.gov. Your petition succeeded in passing the 25,000 signature mark that requires a response from White House representatives. Unfortunately your petition requests an action that is not currently allowed by the United States Constitution. If you wish to pursue a Constitutional amendment to allow for such actions, please reference Article V of the US Constitution for the process required. Thank you for participating in our petitioning process."
 
2012-11-13 03:35:53 PM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.


Would it be worth it though? Seems like a whole lot of trouble just to get away from a president who won't be a problem anymore in a few years. If you look at it, it's a pretty extreme solution to a temporary problem.
 
2012-11-13 03:36:41 PM
FormlessOne: The inevitable result is that either the United States or Mexico would reclaim Texas in a short conflict. If the United States was forced to reclaim Texas, we'd probably treat it as a federal territory, similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.

Texas passports would contain the phrase, "THE BEARER IS A UNITED STATES NATIONAL AND NOT A UNITED STATES CITIZEN." Texans would not be able to destroy public schooling, or screw up elections, or make idiotic proclamations that would be taken seriously by real U.S. citizens. Texas would become as relevant as, well, Puerto Rico - heck, even less so, as we may end up making Puerto Rico a state soon.


It's unlikely the USG would be able to strip citizenship unless each person took an oath to Texas. If citizenship was granted by an act of the legislature, it probably wouldn't fall under the "strip citizenship because you took an oath to a foreign nation." Texas would have no reason to form a military, since there's a zero percent chance the US would let them be invaded by a hostile nation.
 
2012-11-13 03:39:52 PM
This is interesting.
 
2012-11-13 03:41:12 PM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.


No sanctions, just normal tariffs. Perhaps if Texas shows itself to be a reliable trading partner we could co9insider letting them into NAFTA in a few decades.

Of course the Federal Government would withdraw all assets from Texas, including military assets. As a potentially hostile nation on our border, it wouldn't be wise to allow US arms manufacturers to sell to them. Of course companies based in Texas would be considered no different than any foreign company when it comes to bidding on government contracts. Citizens of the new Sovereign nation who worked in other states would be welcome to apply for Visas. Perhaps we'd even. allow a few Texans to attend US universities as foreign exchange students.
 
2012-11-13 03:43:35 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.

No sanctions, just normal tariffs. Perhaps if Texas shows itself to be a reliable trading partner we could co9insider letting them into NAFTA in a few decades.

Of course the Federal Government would withdraw all assets from Texas, including military assets. As a potentially hostile nation on our border, it wouldn't be wise to allow US arms manufacturers to sell to them. Of course companies based in Texas would be considered no different than any foreign company when it comes to bidding on government contracts. Citizens of the new Sovereign nation who worked in other states would be welcome to apply for Visas. Perhaps we'd even. allow a few Texans to attend US universities as foreign exchange students.


US arms manufacturers do business with other countries.
 
2012-11-13 03:44:01 PM
I blogged my response. I'll just link it because, well, first, I get hits that way and ha ha ha, and second, I spare you a tl;dr moment.
 
2012-11-13 03:45:30 PM

sufferpuppet: If a state wants to leave I think they should be allowed to do so. No union or country for that matter is going to last forever.

That said the current issue is merely one of election butt-hurt. I don't think they are really serious about wanting out but trying to embarrass Obama.

Last one out gets stuck with the debt!


If they win the war for their survival, they can. Texas won't. They can't. Maybe instead we can just encourage the would-be traitors to bolder words and action so that we might hang them and be done with it.
 
2012-11-13 03:45:45 PM
Here's hoping the response is,

My fellow Americans, not only are we more than happy to let you secede, we're going to give you to Mexico.

Mexico has everything you want in a state: a state religion and language, effective one-party rule, low taxes, extensive corporatism, few "job-killing" regulations, and the government stays out of its citizens' way in all the ways you want government to stay out of citizens' way. So what if it's a sham democracy ran by a group of plutocratic families and drug cartels enjoying a state of perpetual warfare. That's what you guys want, isn't it? That's a small price to pay for small government and big liberty.

In the decade it will take your state to inevitable devolve into one giant, cancerous and disgusting brownfield riddled with the burnt-out wreckage of drug cartel warfare, we will be fortifying our borders with concrete walls topped with concertina wire, and posting armed guards and flying drones. When -- not if, when -- you clowns that are right now wandering around with poorly-spelled signs and teabags stapled to your $200 colonist costumes and American flag Zubaz attempt to sneak across the border looking for jobs that have security and labor protection, and government bennies, we will open fire to protect our sovereignty.

In that decade we'll probably also have gotten pretty good at cloning people, so if you keep up the stupid shiat we will clone William T. Sherman and introduce him to nuclear weapons. So think long and hard about your decision to secede, because that's a one-way ticket, assholes.

Thank you, and bless America.
 
2012-11-13 03:47:23 PM

Corvus: MrPenny: This is what happens when regular Internet dwellers stumble onto something like this....

*what a hoot.....I'll sign this for the lulz...."

We need ones making fun of the Tea Party people like.


Petition to make people who say to follow the Constitution read what actually is in the Constitution and have them realize secession is not in there.


They'd first have to go back to elementary school to learn basic reading comprehension.
 
2012-11-13 03:47:37 PM
sethen320: Would it be worth it though? Seems like a whole lot of trouble just to get away from a president who won't be a problem anymore in a few years. If you look at it, it's a pretty extreme solution to a temporary problem.

Probably not... unless you think the federal government is too far away from the state's values and don't see it reversing course any time soon.

Philip Francis Queeg: No sanctions, just normal tariffs. Perhaps if Texas shows itself to be a reliable trading partner we could co9insider letting them into NAFTA in a few decades.

Of course the Federal Government would withdraw all assets from Texas, including military assets. As a potentially hostile nation on our border, it wouldn't be wise to allow US arms manufacturers to sell to them. Of course companies based in Texas would be considered no different than any foreign company when it comes to bidding on government contracts. Citizens of the new Sovereign nation who worked in other states would be welcome to apply for Visas. Perhaps we'd even. allow a few Texans to attend US universities as foreign exchange students.


I think you are vastly overestimating how much of a stomach the remaining US would have for sanctioning them. First of all, current Texans would still be citizens under pretty much every definition of the 14th Amendment so they wouldn't have to apply for visas. Secondly, Congress would be under tremendous economic pressure to add trade treaties for American companies who have clients in Texas. Yes, they would absolutely pull out military assets and contracts would have to be renegotiated. Third, as assholy as the people on Fark are, I don't think most normal people in the country would be OK with the US acting like a spurned boyfriend toward a former state.
 
2012-11-13 03:49:13 PM

Gosling: I blogged my response. I'll just link it because, well, first, I get hits that way and ha ha ha, and second, I spare you a tl;dr moment.


I see where you're going in you post, but I somewhat disagree. I will concede that there is most definitely a racial component (possibly even the majority), but that's not the only problem. There are people who (right or wrong) actually do not agree with the President's position on certain issues. To discount that is disregarding an important fact. People all think differently. What one person sees as right another sees as wrong. That's human nature. To use a broad brush and paint everyone who disagrees as racist is as effective as signing a secession petition.
 
2012-11-13 03:50:26 PM

sethen320: Philip Francis Queeg: Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.

No sanctions, just normal tariffs. Perhaps if Texas shows itself to be a reliable trading partner we could co9insider letting them into NAFTA in a few decades.

Of course the Federal Government would withdraw all assets from Texas, including military assets. As a potentially hostile nation on our border, it wouldn't be wise to allow US arms manufacturers to sell to them. Of course companies based in Texas would be considered no different than any foreign company when it comes to bidding on government contracts. Citizens of the new Sovereign nation who worked in other states would be welcome to apply for Visas. Perhaps we'd even. allow a few Texans to attend US universities as foreign exchange students.

US arms manufacturers do business with other countries.


Yes, with Allies, not hostile nations. A recently seceded Texas could not possibly be counted on as a dependable ally. I;'mm sure they will be able to provide for their own defense needs. If they can't, oh well, it would be sad. The US might have to militarily intervene like we have been known to in Caribbean and Latin American countries.
 
2012-11-13 03:53:07 PM
Philip Francis Queeg: Yes, with Allies, not hostile nations. A recently seceded Texas could not possibly be counted on as a dependable ally. I;'mm sure they will be able to provide for their own defense needs. If they can't, oh well, it would be sad. The US might have to militarily intervene like we have been known to in Caribbean and Latin American countries.

And we'd have even less of a stomach for occupying Texas with the military. It was easier to put down rebellion with the army before TV.
 
2012-11-13 03:53:59 PM

sethen320: I see where you're going in you post, but I somewhat disagree. I will concede that there is most definitely a racial component (possibly even the majority), but that's not the only problem. There are people who (right or wrong) actually do not agree with the President's position on certain issues. To discount that is disregarding an important fact. People all think differently. What one person sees as right another sees as wrong. That's human nature. To use a broad brush and paint everyone who disagrees as racist is as effective as signing a secession petition.


They're not all 100% racist. I'll grant you that much. But I wager enough are that I feel comfortable in using the brush. I'm sure some members of the Tea Party are reasonable people who wouldn't raise their voice to anyone and simply strongly disagree with the direction of the nation. But those people are not the driving factor and everyone knows it.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:30 PM

khyberkitsune: hatelabs: The state of Texas shall continue to pay the US government until their current debt is paid off, the USA will allow Texas to pay this debt off in installments with a 9.8% APR.

Texas is one of the few states that actually gives more than it receives. Try a little harder with the basic facts.


There's more than one kind of debt, also it's pretty widely accepted that Texas cooks their books pretty hard. Also (and this is the really important part) it was a joke Francis.
 
2012-11-13 03:56:59 PM

Daniels: I think you are vastly overestimating how much of a stomach the remaining US would have for sanctioning them. First of all, current Texans would still be citizens under pretty much every definition of the 14th Amendment so they wouldn't have to apply for visas. Secondly, Congress would be under tremendous economic pressure to add trade treaties for American companies who have clients in Texas. Yes, they would absolutely pull out military assets and contracts would have to be renegotiated. Third, as assholy as the people on Fark are, I don't think most normal people in the country would be OK with the US acting like a spurned boyfriend toward a former state.


Citizens? I'm sure the patriots of the newly sovereign nation Texas would reject any benefits of Citizenship from the oppressive United Sates Government they just so bravely seceded from. Surely they could not want the benefits of citizenship without any of the responsibilities. I'm sure the noble people of Texas are not as hypocritical as you make them out to be. Nope, they would be no more citizens of the United States than any other foreign power. They will not be having their cake while eating it too. They will stand or fall based on their own resources, having rejected membership in the Union.
 
2012-11-13 04:00:24 PM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Yes, with Allies, not hostile nations. A recently seceded Texas could not possibly be counted on as a dependable ally. I;'mm sure they will be able to provide for their own defense needs. If they can't, oh well, it would be sad. The US might have to militarily intervene like we have been known to in Caribbean and Latin American countries.

And we'd have even less of a stomach for occupying Texas with the military. It was easier to put down rebellion with the army before TV.


True. best to leave them to fend for themselves against whatever hostile groups they might have to contend with. We will just fortify the border to ensure that the bloodshed doesn't spill over and to keep the refugees out.
 
2012-11-13 04:02:22 PM

super_grass: You say that like the White House will actually respond to the petition with something meaningful.

Remember the petition asking for marijuana legalization?


Yes I do. They let someone like the DEA write the response.

And the one calling for the TSA to be dissolved? Yeah they let the director of the TSA write that response. Well no shizz, I know why THAT GUY thinks his department should be saved, but we're dealing in reality here folks.
 
2012-11-13 04:03:33 PM
Philip Francis Queeg: Citizens? I'm sure the patriots of the newly sovereign nation Texas would reject any benefits of Citizenship from the oppressive United Sates Government they just so bravely seceded from. Surely they could not want the benefits of citizenship without any of the responsibilities. I'm sure the noble people of Texas are not as hypocritical as you make them out to be. Nope, they would be no more citizens of the United States than any other foreign power. They will not be having their cake while eating it too. They will stand or fall based on their own resources, having rejected membership in the Union.

Do you feel this way about all expatriates? Or just the ones who don't agree with you?

Bottom line... if Texas left, and the citizens of Texas kept filing a 1040 with the IRS and didn't take up arms against the US... they'd all still be citizens of the US. So would their children. Just like every citizen of the US who lives in some other country.
 
2012-11-13 04:07:23 PM

Daniels: FormlessOne: The inevitable result is that either the United States or Mexico would reclaim Texas in a short conflict. If the United States was forced to reclaim Texas, we'd probably treat it as a federal territory, similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.

Texas passports would contain the phrase, "THE BEARER IS A UNITED STATES NATIONAL AND NOT A UNITED STATES CITIZEN." Texans would not be able to destroy public schooling, or screw up elections, or make idiotic proclamations that would be taken seriously by real U.S. citizens. Texas would become as relevant as, well, Puerto Rico - heck, even less so, as we may end up making Puerto Rico a state soon.

It's unlikely the USG would be able to strip citizenship unless each person took an oath to Texas. If citizenship was granted by an act of the legislature, it probably wouldn't fall under the "strip citizenship because you took an oath to a foreign nation." Texas would have no reason to form a military, since there's a zero percent chance the US would let them be invaded by a hostile nation.


You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?
 
2012-11-13 04:09:42 PM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Citizens? I'm sure the patriots of the newly sovereign nation Texas would reject any benefits of Citizenship from the oppressive United Sates Government they just so bravely seceded from. Surely they could not want the benefits of citizenship without any of the responsibilities. I'm sure the noble people of Texas are not as hypocritical as you make them out to be. Nope, they would be no more citizens of the United States than any other foreign power. They will not be having their cake while eating it too. They will stand or fall based on their own resources, having rejected membership in the Union.

Do you feel this way about all expatriates? Or just the ones who don't agree with you?

Bottom line... if Texas left, and the citizens of Texas kept filing a 1040 with the IRS and didn't take up arms against the US... they'd all still be citizens of the US. So would their children. Just like every citizen of the US who lives in some other country.


What exactly would be the point of secession BE if the Texans are going to continue paying all Federal taxes and obeying all Federal laws?
 
2012-11-13 04:10:09 PM
FormlessOne: You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?

Not really. I just kinda want to a state to start secession proceedings just to see what happens. I think it would be amusing to watch as long as it's kept to courtrooms.
 
2012-11-13 04:13:41 PM
Philip Francis Queeg: What exactly would be the point of secession BE if the Texans are going to continue paying all Federal taxes and obeying all Federal laws?

In general? Self-determination? The right of the governance by consent of the governed? You know, founding principles of the US and all.
 
2012-11-13 04:14:38 PM
Let them go and take on Pureto Rico. That way we don't have to change the number of stars on the flag.
 
2012-11-13 04:15:55 PM

CygnusDarius: Infernalist: As said before, go ahead and pull out all national forces, claim as much federal property as possible, drone-strike the bridges and highways at the borders and give Mexico the go-ahead to reclaim Tejas.

Just a thought.

Before you do this, you must remove anyone that is not an insane, racist right-wing GOP militant, and children. Once you do, and enforce all what you just said, Mexico will issue that Texas is now a state-wide prison territory for drug cartels (there's no death penalty in Mexico, except within the ranks of the military).

It's a win-win.


So Texans get to do what Mexico doesn't have the conjones to do and they get to hunt big game while they're at it?
It is a win-win!
 
2012-11-13 04:16:24 PM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: What exactly would be the point of secession BE if the Texans are going to continue paying all Federal taxes and obeying all Federal laws?

In general? Self-determination? The right of the governance by consent of the governed? You know, founding principles of the US and all.


They would actually be denying them selves self -determination if they continued to pay taxes to a country they were no longer a part of. They would be taxed without representation.
 
2012-11-13 04:16:53 PM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.


Would they? Every "Dollar in vs. Dollar out" graph I've seen shows Texas around +/- ..$.05 of a 1:1 ratio. of course, Texas would almost certainly have to enact an income tax but it would be low and more than affordable since all of its citizens are no longer paying Federal Income Tax.
 
2012-11-13 04:21:30 PM

More_Like_A_Stain: FormlessOne: Texas out, Puerto Rico in. I could live with that.

At least we wouldn't have to change the flag.


Take it further. Call Puerto Rico Texas and refer to Texas (after secession) as the Mexico/US DMZ.
 
2012-11-13 04:22:42 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-13 04:28:18 PM

Tickle Mittens: They can leave.


They can? Because it's not clear to me that any country would gladly accept most of them. In some countries passport enforcement is pretty weak, so you could get away with overstaying your visa, but actual legal immigration is not a trivial thing most places (at least not unless you're rich).

At this point there isn't really anyplace for them to go -- it's not like there are huge unclaimed tracts of land someplace where they could setup a new government. I suppose they could revive colonialism and just go take land from someone poorly suited to defend it, but for the last hundred years or so that sort of action has been poorly received by the international community.
 
2012-11-13 04:31:50 PM

FormlessOne: similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.


The people of Guam are US citizens, since 1950. They just don't get federal representation. But they would be allowed to vote if they moved to a state, much like the people of Puerto Rico.
 
2012-11-13 04:31:51 PM

Daniels: FormlessOne: You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?

Not really. I just kinda want to a state to start secession proceedings just to see what happens. I think it would be amusing to watch as long as it's kept to courtrooms.


It'd be horrible, to be honest, because you know full well it wouldn't be kept to courtrooms, not if our country's history is any indicator. It'd become a mess, at a rough patch in our history. It could very well become the first falling domino towards a secessionary rush, a second Civil War.

I'd much prefer to just kid around about it on Fark than live through that kind of turmoil.
 
2012-11-13 04:36:35 PM

profplump: FormlessOne: similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.

The people of Guam are US citizens, since 1950. They just don't get federal representation. But they would be allowed to vote if they moved to a state, much like the people of Puerto Rico.


True, and I used a bad example. Probably should've used American Samoa. Either way, though, that's definitely the status Texas deserves if they pulled such crap - U.S. nationals, not U.S. citizens - and we had to pummel them into territory-hood.
 
2012-11-13 04:37:37 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Yes, with Allies, not hostile nations. A recently seceded Texas could not possibly be counted on as a dependable ally. I;'mm sure they will be able to provide for their own defense needs. If they can't, oh well, it would be sad. The US might have to militarily intervene like we have been known to in Caribbean and Latin American countries.

And we'd have even less of a stomach for occupying Texas with the military. It was easier to put down rebellion with the army before TV.

True. best to leave them to fend for themselves against whatever hostile groups they might have to contend with. We will just fortify the border to ensure that the bloodshed doesn't spill over and to keep the refugees out.


I don't get the impression that you can be truly objective in this discussion. I'm not trying to insult you, I just kind of get the feeling you're a bit peeved.
 
2012-11-13 04:37:40 PM

profplump: Tickle Mittens: They can leave.

They can? Because it's not clear to me that any country would gladly accept most of them. In some countries passport enforcement is pretty weak, so you could get away with overstaying your visa, but actual legal immigration is not a trivial thing most places (at least not unless you're rich).

At this point there isn't really anyplace for them to go -- it's not like there are huge unclaimed tracts of land someplace where they could setup a new government. I suppose they could revive colonialism and just go take land from someone poorly suited to defend it, but for the last hundred years or so that sort of action has been poorly received by the international community.


They can swim out into the ocean with a rifle strapped to their back. So long as they don't set foot upon the US again, what happens after that does not interest me.
 
2012-11-13 04:39:42 PM

FormlessOne: Daniels: FormlessOne: The inevitable result is that either the United States or Mexico would reclaim Texas in a short conflict. If the United States was forced to reclaim Texas, we'd probably treat it as a federal territory, similar to Guam - Texans would lose their right to vote, and would no longer be U.S. citizens.

Texas passports would contain the phrase, "THE BEARER IS A UNITED STATES NATIONAL AND NOT A UNITED STATES CITIZEN." Texans would not be able to destroy public schooling, or screw up elections, or make idiotic proclamations that would be taken seriously by real U.S. citizens. Texas would become as relevant as, well, Puerto Rico - heck, even less so, as we may end up making Puerto Rico a state soon.

It's unlikely the USG would be able to strip citizenship unless each person took an oath to Texas. If citizenship was granted by an act of the legislature, it probably wouldn't fall under the "strip citizenship because you took an oath to a foreign nation." Texas would have no reason to form a military, since there's a zero percent chance the US would let them be invaded by a hostile nation.

You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?


In his defense, did you see the rest of the thread? how was he supposed to pick your one "satire" post out of the hundreds of mindless drivel posts?
 
2012-11-13 04:40:05 PM
Dear petition signers: We get it, you are unhappy that your side didn't win. Waah.

// Your hot, bitter tears of disappointment are as nectar to us. Thank you.
 
2012-11-13 04:45:22 PM

Tickle Mittens: profplump: Tickle Mittens: They can leave.

They can? Because it's not clear to me that any country would gladly accept most of them. In some countries passport enforcement is pretty weak, so you could get away with overstaying your visa, but actual legal immigration is not a trivial thing most places (at least not unless you're rich).

At this point there isn't really anyplace for them to go -- it's not like there are huge unclaimed tracts of land someplace where they could setup a new government. I suppose they could revive colonialism and just go take land from someone poorly suited to defend it, but for the last hundred years or so that sort of action has been poorly received by the international community.

They can swim out into the ocean with a rifle strapped to their back. So long as they don't set foot upon the US again, what happens after that does not interest me.


Look at you, making such a novel and reasonable argument. I'll bet you would be phenomenal at foreign policy decisions with such sound reasoning.
 
2012-11-13 04:45:46 PM
How in the hell did Obama get back in? Didn't the last 4 years prove enough for all you idiots? He will ruin the country!!! Mark my words 4 years from now! A huge "I told you so," is coming!!! Uneducated voters!
 
2012-11-13 04:50:41 PM
The bottom line is that it is a very small majority of people who aren't terribly intelligent and it's not going to happen. Not at all. It would be a ridiculously complicated and drastic action for what amounts to a temporary problem, but these people lack the sense to see this.

Off topic:
I have a feeling there is a certain number of people on Fark who think everyone who deosn't like Obama is racist, and a fairly decent number of them were probably involved in the initial state hate going on.

That's pretty funny when you think about it. what's the difference between hating someone based on color and hating someone based on where they live?
 
2012-11-13 04:51:51 PM

ehahn: How in the hell did Obama get back in? Didn't the last 4 years prove enough for all you idiots? He will ruin the country!!! Mark my words 4 years from now! A huge "I told you so," is coming!!! Uneducated voters!


Don't you think you're being just a little bit obvious?
 
2012-11-13 04:53:54 PM
Screw all of you, I'm from Texas. My solution here is to name all states TEXAS then succeed from ourselves.

All hail the United State of Texas's
 
2012-11-13 04:57:41 PM

John0x: Screw all of you, I'm from Texas. My solution here is to name all states TEXAS then succeed from ourselves.

All hail the United State of Texas's


It would never work. There aren't enough cows to go around.
 
2012-11-13 05:12:01 PM
It'll take more than 25,000 Texans to secede.
 
2012-11-13 05:14:28 PM
i13.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-13 05:28:21 PM
80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.
 
2012-11-13 05:39:50 PM

BattleAxe: 80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.


How many of them are actually Texans and how many are out-of-staters signing their fifth or sixth secession petition of the day?
 
2012-11-13 05:49:21 PM

Gosling: BattleAxe: 80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.

How many of them are actually Texans and how many are out-of-staters signing their fifth or sixth secession petition of the day?


Signing a secession petition on the White House's website implies that you accept that Obama is the legitimate President.

i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-11-13 05:58:06 PM

Tax Boy: Gosling: BattleAxe: 80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.

How many of them are actually Texans and how many are out-of-staters signing their fifth or sixth secession petition of the day?

Signing a secession petition on the White House's website implies that you accept that Obama is the legitimate President.


Okay that's funny.
 
2012-11-13 06:05:03 PM

Gosling: BattleAxe: 80,000+ Texans now. Beating out the legalize marijuana petition.

How many of them are actually Texans and how many are out-of-staters signing their fifth or sixth secession petition of the day?


Or people just signing the petition for the lulz.

Enjoyed your blog post, BTW. :)
 
2012-11-13 06:06:43 PM

o5iiawah: Would they? Every "Dollar in vs. Dollar out" graph I've seen shows Texas around +/- ..$.05 of a 1:1 ratio. of course, Texas would almost certainly have to enact an income tax but it would be low and more than affordable since all of its citizens are no longer paying Federal Income Tax.


Pretty sure that wouldn't even cover most highway/road repairs.

Try again.
 
2012-11-13 06:12:08 PM

sodomizer: You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.


Oh, you're still here after the election? You're a plucky fella.  Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Didn't I hear that the red states were largely a net drain on the US economy? You think Texas can make it on its own without the rest of the USA?
 
2012-11-13 06:18:42 PM

Matt Foley: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.


www.operatorchan.org
So hungry now for Téxécoise cuisine.
 
2012-11-13 07:15:48 PM

sethen320: grimlock1972: Imma be serious on this. if i was the president i would put out a group response to all the succession petitions and close them all down, the response would simply be a cut and paste of the Constitution making succession illegal and nothing else as it doesn't matter how nice you are these nitwits are gonna be pissed with anything short of what the president has no reason or authority to grant.

If you were president I would hope you knew the difference between succession and secession.

I'm not picking on you, it's just a peeve. The word has been used extensively throughout the thread.


its called a typo XD the kind spell check misses. and i do know the difference.
 
KIA
2012-11-13 07:17:35 PM

sprawl15: Secession is unconstitutional. QED.


Actually, it is not addressed in the Constitution. It may have been addressed vi et armis in the Civil War, but has never been actually resolved by any kind of rational analysis. The Union, after all, is not a gang from which one must be beaten out.

What would be really entertaining is if Texas exercised its' Constitutional right to split itself into four states. Four more red states. That would liven things up.
 
2012-11-13 07:19:18 PM
I vote that Israel and Texas swap populations. Problems solved.
 
2012-11-13 07:25:41 PM
This petition as well as the others is nothing more than ignorant, petulant butthurt manifest.
The short answer is no
The long answer is NNNNnnnOOOOOOOOOOOO.

The fact is, we are stuck with them and they us. Period.

As an official Presidential statement he would not have the luxury of an appropriate flippant reply.
He could however use this occasion to appeal for unification and a willingness to work to together for the betterment of the country.

The question is, is he a statesman or merely a politician.
This is actually a big opportunity for the administration.
 
2012-11-13 07:39:19 PM

ciberido: Matt Foley: Perducci: FirstNationalBastard: Give Texas back to Mexico, wait a couple weeks, watch as they beg to return.

Problem solved.

Or let them try to survive independently. Maybe they can join with Quebec and become some sort of new superpower.

The national cuisine would be awesome. Chili Poutine with a maple glazed 20 oz. ribeye.

[www.operatorchan.org image 500x375]
So hungry now for Téxécoise cuisine.


My husband puts creton on my buttermilk biscuits and I eat cornbread with his soupe aux pois.
 
2012-11-13 08:13:25 PM

signaljammer: When Virginia joined the Union it was with the written understanding that they were free to secede.

That said, all of this is racism pure and simple. Obama is just a shade to the right of Andrew Jackson.


This is probably a dumb question, but does that have anything to do with being a "commonwealth" rather than a "state"?
 
2012-11-13 08:13:40 PM

Gleeman: Because secession worked out so well the last time some states tried it.

History books, not just for resting your head...


Yeah but last time, a Republican President kicked their ass down the block. This time a Democratic President will have that pleasure.

Failure. How does it work?
 
2012-11-13 08:19:39 PM

BgJonson79: More_Like_A_Stain: mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

So let me get this straight. Mexicans will endure the hardship and risk of illegally crossing the border presumably in order to build a better life for themselves than they could have in Mexico. And then they will decide that the best way to create that life is to live in Mexico?

What makes you think they'd join Mexico? Why not their own country?


Because
1) Texas used to belong to México until they rebelled. México might want it back.
2) We sell Texas back to México for a little cash
 
2012-11-13 08:22:59 PM

Honest Bender: StreetlightInTheGhetto: I think he should just walk into the press room, go behind the podium, pick up the mic, recite Bill Pullman's speech from Independence Day, drop it, and leave. But that's just me.

Podium

Lectern

/TMMK!


Actually, one definition of podium IS lectern. So, while you're correct, so, technically, is StreetlightInTheGhetto.
 
2012-11-13 09:05:23 PM

doubled99: Why do so many of you have a problem with this? Let em do it.


Because there are a lot of people in TX who AREN'T wackjobs. With all this said, we're hardly witnessing Civil War 2.0. We're talking a tiny group of people, not the whole friggin state. I'm all for reducing the scope of the Federal Government in favor of more local control (regardless of what administration is administering it), but I can't see "secession" as either sane, or productive.
 
2012-11-13 09:40:58 PM

grimlock1972: Imma be serious on this. if i was the president i would put out a group response to all the succession petitions and close them all down, the response would simply be a cut and paste of the Constitution making succession illegal and nothing else as it doesn't matter how nice you are these nitwits are gonna be pissed with anything short of what the president has no reason or authority to grant.


What exact part of the Constitution would you cut and past? Just curious which clause states "Blood in. Blood out. " I forget.
 
2012-11-13 10:22:13 PM

Gosling: I blogged my response. I'll just link it because, well, first, I get hits that way and ha ha ha, and second, I spare you a tl;dr moment.


It was longer than the average Fark post but worth the read, I thought. So enjoy your hit.
 
2012-11-13 10:26:04 PM

Daniels: I think you are vastly overestimating how much of a stomach the remaining US would have for sanctioning them. First of all, current Texans would still be citizens under pretty much every definition of the 14th Amendment so they wouldn't have to apply for visas. Secondly, Congress would be under tremendous economic pressure to add trade treaties for American companies who have clients in Texas. Yes, they would absolutely pull out military assets and contracts would have to be renegotiated. Third, as assholy as the people on Fark are, I don't think most normal people in the country would be OK with the US acting like a spurned boyfriend toward a former state.

 

I really think (and hope) that most of this "don't let the door hit you on the way out" talk is just hyperbole.

I don't think most Farkers are really as spiteful as we sometimes pretend to be.
 
2012-11-13 10:43:25 PM
United we stand. Divided we should still stand.
 
2012-11-13 10:54:35 PM

ciberido: sodomizer: You go be Democrats in the blue states and try out all your new theories. We'll secede, and then clean up when you implode like your inspiration, the Soviet Union.

Oh, you're still here after the election? You're a plucky fella.  Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Didn't I hear that the red states were largely a net drain on the US economy? You think Texas can make it on its own without the rest of the USA?


Interestingly, Texas is one of the few red states with a decent chance and making it as an Independent. Already a donor state, their oil and oil infrastructure (refineries) combined with large amounts of trade with Mexico would provide sizable wealth. Further the trade that currently goes THROUGH Texas would have to re-route or (presumably) pay nominal fees for transit, and that includes both International trade from the southern nations and interstate trade that is most easily routed through Texas' rail and highway system.

Problem, aside from America and Mexico being disinclined to put up with that kind of shiat, Texas' current government is RIFE with corruption and graft, and the rapidly increasing amount of pollution we'd be pumping out (yes, we, I live here for the foreseeable future) as a result of no more federal oversight would rapidly lead to serious diplomatic problems.

Also all the obvious OTHER problems of being rebel traitors to America.

I don't know, it's interesting in the same way post-apocalyptic fiction is interesting.
 
2012-11-13 11:17:21 PM

Valiente: Dismember the Alamo.


I laughed very very hard over this. Thanks!
 
2012-11-14 12:17:37 AM

Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.


Scares the fark out of me, and all of my people fought for the Union.
 
2012-11-14 12:37:04 AM

Daniels: FormlessOne: You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?

Not really. I just kinda want to a state to start secession proceedings just to see what happens. I think it would be amusing to watch as long as it's kept to courtrooms.


Not being a constitutional lawyer, I think it might go something like:

(1) Texas Legislature proposes a state-wide referendum to determine if Texans want independence.
(2) IF the referendum passes, the Governor would submit a formal request to the US Congress to reverse the resolution that annexed Texas.
(3) IF the House passed a resolution to de-annex Texas (with a tremendous amount of clauses outlining all the financial and relationship issues to be addressed and agreed), the request would go the Senate,
(4) IF the Senate accepted the resolution it would go to the President (with whatever amendments they wanted)
(5) IF the President signed the bill, hilarity (and a great deal of WTF do we do now) would ensue
(6) There would be a national Fark Party on Sixth Street (as Austin would be a US enclave inside Texas).

Texan by the way, pro-independence as well. So go ahead Farkers, I await your Nobel-worthy responses.

//not going to happen, but thanks for playing.
 
2012-11-14 12:39:04 AM
Sorry I messed up the bolding. I'm from Texas. BOE doesn't allow any training in HTML.
 
2012-11-14 12:41:34 AM

frunjer: Daniels: FormlessOne: You couldn't have drained the fun out of my satire faster if you'd actually held it underwater and throttled it while screaming in a high-pitched voice about how Kevin Spacey gets all your parts. Honestly, you didn't actually take my post as actual speculation, did you?

Not really. I just kinda want to a state to start secession proceedings just to see what happens. I think it would be amusing to watch as long as it's kept to courtrooms.

Not being a constitutional lawyer, I think it might go something like:

(1) Texas Legislature proposes a state-wide referendum to determine if Texans want independence.
(2) IF the referendum passes, the Governor would submit a formal request to the US Congress to reverse the resolution that annexed Texas.
(3) IF the House passed a resolution to de-annex Texas (with a tremendous amount of clauses outlining all the financial and relationship issues to be addressed and agreed), the request would go the Senate,
(4) IF the Senate accepted the resolution it would go to the President (with whatever amendments they wanted)
(5) IF the President signed the bill, hilarity (and a great deal of WTF do we do now) would ensue
(6) There would be a national Fark Party on Sixth Street (as Austin would be a US enclave inside Texas).

Texan by the way, pro-independence as well. So go ahead Farkers, I await your Nobel-worthy responses.

//not going to happen, but thanks for playing.


Well, for one, I would guess the annexation agreement is voided by Texas joining the CSA. Texas already left the Union once.
 
2012-11-14 12:43:43 AM

wildcardjack: phritz: Also we should carpet bomb Dallas. Just in general, I mean, whether they secede or not.

Actually, if you could nail the freeways on the south side of downtown, where I-35E, I-30, US75 and I-45 get all jumbled because it was hip to run major freeways next to downtowns in the 1950's, we could finally get those redone in a fashion that works. Maybe get things so the through traffic goes down Loop12 to I-20 back to I-35E instead of through the downtown.

If you hit Frisco while you're at it we could use some help with our infestation of Californians.

But if you hit Lakewood or Oak Cliff we'd lose the old neighborhoods and have nothing but McMansions rebuilt in their place.


Also a drone strike on Jerry Jones and/or Tony Romo
 
2012-11-14 01:04:57 AM

Daniels: Philip Francis Queeg: Of course all those issues go both ways. If you think Texas could go without being absolutely devastated economically, you are fooling yourselves.

A lot would depend on how coonty the US decided to be. If the US decided to apply crippling economic sanctions, which I don't know if the rest of the country would have the stomach for, it would be really hard. If they decided to just treat them like an EU-type neighbor, they'd be generally OK.

There is no reason to believe Texas could not survive as a country after a few very difficult transition years. They have oil, agriculture, infrastructure, functioning cities, and healthy shipping industry. They would have a tremendous amount of difficulty transitioning out of the federal government's budget. And then they would probably be fine.


Your forgetting that their would be a mass exodus of skilled labor, collage educated professionals, and people who other wise work and live in Texas but are not from Texas.
 
2012-11-14 02:11:20 AM

TheBigJerk: ciberido: Didn't I hear that the red states were largely a net drain on the US economy? You think Texas can make it on its own without the rest of the USA?

Interestingly, Texas is one of the few red states with a decent chance and making it as an Independent. Already a donor state, their oil and oil infrastructure (refineries) combined with large amounts of trade with Mexico would provide sizable wealth. Further the trade that currently goes THROUGH Texas would have to re-route or (presumably) pay nominal fees for transit, and that includes both International trade from the southern nations and interstate trade that is most easily routed through Texas' rail and highway system.


Well, color me misinformed. But I learned something today, so it's not a total waste.
 
2012-11-14 02:16:34 AM

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

 
2012-11-14 02:26:32 AM

tallen702: So, seeing as how you are declaring your intent to secede by signing one of these petitions, does that mean you're renouncing your citizenship? And if so, what does that mean for question j on form 4473? Link. Wouldn't be surprised to find out that the people who signed these petitions don't realize they just gave Barry and the BATFE a list of people who technically won't pass their NICS check anymore.....


Including the yahoos who signed it and don't live anywhere near Texas?
 
2012-11-14 02:30:49 AM
farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2012-11-14 04:50:00 AM
Fark Response: Aren't there guns and religion you guys not clinging to?

Real Response: The only way for our country to move forward is together as one.
 
2012-11-14 08:49:17 AM
so could some one out side of texas sign this thing with the aim of getting texas booted out of the union.
just a thought.
 
2012-11-14 09:48:47 AM
I thought Texas could secede without consequence at any time. Ask any "real" Texan and they will tell you that.
 
2012-11-14 10:04:13 AM
Texas, please proceed!
 
2012-11-14 10:11:53 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com 
Someone somewhere just had a wet dream come true.
 
2012-11-14 10:43:30 AM

Nuc_E: I thought Texas could secede without consequence at any time. Ask any "real" Texan and they will tell you that.


That was before Texas did in fact secede to join the CSA. I have no idea what the terms of re-admission to the Union were.
 
2012-11-14 11:50:47 AM
"When the South raised its sword against the Union's Flag, it was in defense of the Union's Constitution."

Confederate General John B. Gordon
 
2012-11-14 12:51:54 PM
How I would love to see this.

"You are free to secede, go with our blessings."
"In other news, people of the world, this state is no longer part of the USA and is no longer under our military protection. Please don't attack them right away, as they don't have any form of standing army, navy, or air force, and they would probably crumple before you in surrender within hours of the declaration of hostilities. Give 'em a few years to get on their feet, alright?"
 
2012-11-14 04:02:40 PM
I like the idea
..and while the number of people signing the petition is nowhere near the main of the texas populace
I would really like to see how this would work out.

You are grossly underestimating the pride of a texan in being a texan.
and let's be honest, the government doesn't care about what happens on the borders of mexico anyway. Let's just increase that
 
2012-11-14 04:18:03 PM

whidbey: Pretty sure that wouldn't even cover most highway/road repairs.

Try again.


They could tax the gasoline sold at the pump to pay for their roads.

You know, like every state and county does....
 
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