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(Yahoo)   Since it has exceeded the 25,000 signature threshold, the White House by its own rules, may have to formally respond to the TX secession petition on WhiteHouse.gov. Aides say possible responses include "aww hell Naw" and "No. Fark You"   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 413
    More: Followup, naw, White House, Texas Secession, Grandma's, original idea, petitions, federal courts, enumerated powers  
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10699 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 12:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-13 12:26:54 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


If you're going to try to troll, at least put some effort into it.

FFS, this is sad. Whatever happened to the 'good' trolls? The ones that could at least make you feel 'something' other than sad for the would-be troller...
 
2012-11-13 12:27:01 PM
This would have *any* relevance if it was somehow related to the state government of Texas. Micah H should probably direct this to his local government first, eh?

You want to know how official this nonsense is? It's not even all Texans on the petition and the creator was either too lazy or too ignorant to use the correct name of nation he intends to leave behind. USA is the abbreviation of a country name. "The US" is just a pronoun in caps.

"WHO WANTS TO SECEDE?"
"US!"

Strangely, the petition author cites the NDAA as a blatant abuse of the rights of American citizens. Yet, national defense spending is just about the one thing everyone can agree the Federal government should be allowed to do.
 
2012-11-13 12:27:12 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....


in my fever dreams, farkers will be too drunk to be politically correct.

i guess for clarity, it's worth asking - is mooning or wagging of genitalia generally considered politically correct?
 
2012-11-13 12:27:17 PM
Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage
 
2012-11-13 12:27:27 PM
Because secession worked out so well the last time some states tried it.

History books, not just for resting your head...
 
2012-11-13 12:28:09 PM
A quick glance at all these petitions (including for such redneck havens as New Jersey, New York, California, and my home state of Colorado) show they are almost all identical boilerplate, sometimes submitted by non-residents of the state concerned, with multiple identical petitions for some states because the teatards can't read, and all being cross-signed by the same group of morans from various other states.
 
2012-11-13 12:28:16 PM

skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL


the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.
 
2012-11-13 12:28:34 PM

ActivKino: I know it's idiocy, but has this particular flavor of idiocy happened before? Is there secessionist wharrgarbl every time a president is elected/re-elected and I just haven't been paying attention?


You're forgetting this president is stubbornly remaining black.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:33 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-11-13 12:29:34 PM

wildcardjack: Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.

That's one of the funny things. Not much of Texas is Federal land.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x262]

A couple national parks, a bit of troublesome land along the Rio Grande that changes sides every couple of years, and some military bases.


Texas is primarily worthless nothing. Vast tracts of...nothing. Texas oil fields aren't what they once were, and beyond that, there's just...nothing.

Offshore oil fields, on the other hand...

Of course, rights to those belong to the US - not Texas. Texas can't support itself without oil money. Take away the oil, and you've just got a giant worthless desert.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:37 PM

VarmintCong: My thought is that we should let them go, and then invade them for their oil a week later.


Then it will be an occupied nation. And I'd be okay with that.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:45 PM

ActivKino: Is there secessionist wharrgarbl every time a president is elected/re-elected and I just haven't been paying attention?


to be fair, there was secessionist wharrrgarble before the election, too.

perhaps this just turned the dial up a notch, but...yah. Presidentin' while insufficiently Republican is going to be a high crime AND a misdemeanor before we're done getting the stupid of the last election out of our system.
 
2012-11-13 12:29:48 PM
LET.

THEM.

Some of the highest teen pregnancy, which can not all be attributed to "anchor babies". Scientific education is laughable. I could go on and on. Seriously, just LET. THEM. GOOOOOO. 

We shouldn't have let them back into the Union in the first place. Ditto the rest of them. Let them have their ignorance and their slavery. GTFO.
 
2012-11-13 12:30:04 PM
Why ask for their share of the national debt? It's not getting paid as it is, or anytime in the future. Most dems think texas is a sewer pit if ignorance anyways. Let them leave just for that.

But, they wont get to
1. They are net income tax payers to the feds (along with California etc...)
2. Having a tax friendly national government that close to the lower 47 or 46 would be too big of a draw to all the other buisness in the US. No crazy california state taxes, and presumably much lower nation of texas taxes. (Blah blah, make it illegal to move buisness to texas, then they would have to do it with china etc..)
3. Texas has a good portion of the few remaining oil refineries in the US. Two oil refineries temporarily shut down in california and our pric3s went up $1.50. No new refinery has been built in the US since the 1970s (I think).
 
2012-11-13 12:30:23 PM

Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.


treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.
 
2012-11-13 12:30:48 PM

CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage


Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?
 
2012-11-13 12:31:34 PM

TV's Vinnie: If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.


Keyboard, monitor, you know the drill
 
2012-11-13 12:32:04 PM
Really, a one line response is all that's necessary:

Texas v. White, 74 U.S. 700 (1869)
 
2012-11-13 12:32:22 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


Two things:

1.- Welcome to the yellow brigade
2.- 2/10 troll harder
 
2012-11-13 12:32:23 PM
The official response should be a photo of the President taking a leak on Jefferson Davis's grave.
 
2012-11-13 12:32:26 PM
Ideal White House response: Please proceed, Texas.
 
2012-11-13 12:32:29 PM

skullkrusher: Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.

treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.


It just seems to me that a citizen actively working to agitate for the dissolution of his own nation...I mean, we an arrest someone for 'loitering', but this is legal?
 
2012-11-13 12:33:22 PM
How about we fight them for it? Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas. And then Obama can come in and redistrict, then appoint Democrats to every federal and state government position, and taaa-daaaa... Texas becomes permanently blue.
 
2012-11-13 12:33:24 PM

rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.


They should make it a "Save the Date" post card...

24.media.tumblr.com

On reverse:

Dear Texas,

Thank you for your petition requesting secession from the Union. At this time, we are unable to accommodate your request, but as a token of our appreciation, we will add Texas to our "Uncle Billy's 2012 Southern BBQ Tour".

Please advise which consecutive series of dates you will be available for participation.

Reminder: Hiding of valuables in the garden will just make Uncle Billy angry.

Yours,

The United States of America"
 
2012-11-13 12:33:39 PM

Infernalist: mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration

If you're going to try to troll, at least put some effort into it.

FFS, this is sad. Whatever happened to the 'good' trolls? The ones that could at least make you feel 'something' other than sad for the would-be troller...


Agreed, if I had the sound turned on, all I would've heard while reading were fart noises coming through the speakers.

Remember when Fark trolls had more to offer than fart noises as words?
 
2012-11-13 12:33:45 PM

lostcat: How about the 25,648,681 Texans who don't want to secede just give these people a mid-sized town near the border and cut them off from all local, state and federal funds and services.

Heck, let them keep the roads, sewers, water and electric lines, schools, town hall, fire and police station, water treatment facilites, etc. Just no training or funding to keep anything of those things working.


That works by me.

It would also make life a lot better for the rest of us not to have to deal with the derpy mouth-breathers, about like running off all of the village idiots.
 
2012-11-13 12:34:13 PM
Obama should do the only thing he CAN do with this (other than ignore it) - he should refer it to the House without comment.
 
2012-11-13 12:35:47 PM

Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: skullkrusher: Infernalist: Decados: The people who set up the petition should have the charge of sedition brought against them and those who signed it should be brought up on charges of treason.

All hyperbole aside, is this a legitimate charge for people who 'actively' work toward secession?

probably not. Certainly doesn't meet the Constitutional definition of treason and "sedition" refers to an attempt to overthrow the government. Withdrawing from the government (or attempting to) probably doesn't fit the bill but IANAL

the fact that it's so vague as to be unsure at first glance disturbs me for some reason.

treason is really, REALLY hard to convict on - probably for good reason.

It just seems to me that a citizen actively working to agitate for the dissolution of his own nation...I mean, we an arrest someone for 'loitering', but this is legal?


I guess?
 
2012-11-13 12:35:55 PM

TV's Vinnie: 25,000 rock-stupid Texans.

And THIS is why you didn't get a Space Shuttle, Texas.

IMO, the Smithsonian ought to ask for their Saturn V back.

And move the JSC to Florida as well.

/F*CK TEXAS!
//Don't want to hear any crap about parts of Texas being Progressive either. If you saw a pair of pants with crap all over it except for one back pocket that's clean, you wouldn't put them on because it's still a pair of pants covered in sh*t.


Stupid is right. Hell, they'd probably pay $5 a month for a free message forum.
 
2012-11-13 12:36:24 PM

keylock71: rufus-t-firefly: The response should just be a photo of Gen. Sherman.

They should make it a "Save the Date" post card...

[24.media.tumblr.com image 390x544]

On reverse:

Dear Texas,

Thank you for your petition requesting secession from the Union. At this time, we are unable to accommodate your request, but as a token of our appreciation, we will add Texas to our "Uncle Billy's 2012 Southern BBQ Tour".

Please advise which consecutive series of dates you will be available for participation.

Reminder: Hiding of valuables in the garden will just make Uncle Billy angry.

Yours,

The United States of America"


Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.
 
2012-11-13 12:36:24 PM
Texas doesn't even want to know the amount of money the US government would be hitting them for if they seceded. Newly independent countries start out with way more debt than they have money in the Treasury. It's why Texas joined the Union the first time.
 
2012-11-13 12:36:37 PM
Let them go. Cut off all federal support, and put up border crossings so anybody wanting to leave the state has to show proper ID and have a passport. You have to control what would become illegal immigrants wanting to cross into our country.

It's funny to me how the super conservatives are absolutly crying over this election. Maybe how your acting now is a sign of why you didn't have much support.
 
2012-11-13 12:37:23 PM
Let's give them a trial period, say, by immediately removing all federal security at the border for a week. Let's see how that goes for them.

Also we should carpet bomb Dallas. Just in general, I mean, whether they secede or not.
 
2012-11-13 12:37:28 PM
i.i.com.com

Dear Micah H,

Thank you for your petition. It is always good to see citizens using the Federal government's website to ask to secede from the Federal government.

You mentioned you were a member of the Tea Party. I regret to inform you that the Tea Party is actually against secession. Since you are politically active, and I support my political opponents' right to express their views, I would direct you to the Lemon Party. As supporters of secession, they may have something to offer you.

Sincerely,
President Barack Obama

1.bp.blogspot.com

Dear Mr. Soetoro,

At first I ignored your suggestion, because you're not my President. My family shares my E-Mail, and my grandmother says she likes the Lemon Party, so I will research it, but only because she suggested that I do - not because of you.

- Micah H.

i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-13 12:37:37 PM

DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.


how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?
 
2012-11-13 12:38:25 PM

verbaltoxin: Texas doesn't even want to know the amount of money the US government would be hitting them for if they seceded. Newly independent countries start out with way more debt than they have money in the Treasury. It's why Texas joined the Union the first time.


Well, that and Santa Anna was rallying his armies for a rematch of 1836. Sam Houston saw the writing on the wall and begged to be annexed before the Mexican army could cross the Rio Grande.
 
2012-11-13 12:38:45 PM
" I despise and mock these farkin people and all they stand for, but I INSIST they remain part of our collective"
 
2012-11-13 12:38:55 PM

Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.


Heh... He still makes Georgia howl to this day. : )
 
2012-11-13 12:39:21 PM

heap: DeltaPunch: Texas can round up all their young, corn-fed boys into a militia, and we send in the US military. Winner gets to keep Texas.

how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?


...we get to keep Willie and ZZ Top, anyway.
 
2012-11-13 12:39:55 PM
I didn't get what I wanted.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Sane Texans, I'm sorry you have to live with these chucklefarks.
 
2012-11-13 12:39:58 PM

FirstNationalBastard: CPennypacker: Obama comes to the Podium:

"As you all know, in order to foster an open dialogue with the American people, my administration has set in place a rule that mandates a response to any and all petitions that are able to gather in excess of 25,000 signatures. This week such a petition has been brought to my desk requesting the secession of the great state of Texas from the Union. As we are required to address the petition based on our own, self-imposed rules, I have prepared a response."

*clears throat*

"No"

Walks off stage

Can he, at least, walk out on stage surrounded by a rainbow coalition of hot broads in bikinis, wearing a fur coat and pimp hat, and with Biden in tow wearing his Kiss Crazy Crazy Nights '87 Tour T-Shirt, leather pants, and rocking a mullet?


You forgot Biden's bird.
 
2012-11-13 12:40:01 PM
There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.
 
2012-11-13 12:40:22 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


With this new batch of trolls, I imagine an airhorn that just blares "DEEEEERRRRRRRRRRP" when activated; that noise is then translated into a random assortment of words using poorly written voice recognition software. The result is then translated from Derp to English and posted here.
 
2012-11-13 12:40:31 PM

heap: how about a shuffleboard match between Obama and Willie Nelson, and the winner gets to roll the next joint?


THIS
 
2012-11-13 12:41:20 PM

doubled99: " I despise and mock these farkin people and all they stand for, but I INSIST they remain part of our collective"


Well yes, they deserve to be mocked. That doesn't mean they can't stay and continue to be mocked! Texas will sit here and listen to the hilarious things I have to say about them!
 
2012-11-13 12:41:28 PM

mark12A: Of course, when the Mexicans take over California, and start agitating for secession, Farkistan will cheer them on as they correct an historic wrong, i.e., Mexico's loss of California to the US....

/politically correct disintegration of USA is the best kind of disintegration


So let me get this straight. Mexicans will endure the hardship and risk of illegally crossing the border presumably in order to build a better life for themselves than they could have in Mexico. And then they will decide that the best way to create that life is to live in Mexico?
 
2012-11-13 12:41:49 PM

keylock71: Infernalist: Say what you like but the image of Sherman 'still' scares the hell out of the average southern 'patriot'.

Heh... He still makes Georgia howl to this day. : )


Almost 150 years ago, and he's still the boogyman. The man plainly knew how to make an impression.
 
2012-11-13 12:42:24 PM
Also, let them leave, at least something interesting would happen. They could:
1. Fail worse
2. Stay about the same
3. Succeed better than the US

It would be an interesting experiment.
 
2012-11-13 12:42:34 PM

Oznog: wildcardjack: "All you have to do is pay off your share of the national debt and we'll let you go"

Ah yes and all the federally owned land- which is a lot of the state- of course still belongs to the USA. That includes the offshore oil leases.


I'm in no way for Texas secession but what you said is patently false. Texas is mostly privately owned, the fed owns very little. Big bend, some military bases, etc. secondly, if Texas did secede then obviously the offshore oil in Texas waters would belong to Texas. You can't own territorial waters without owning the land they correspond with. Canada cant own San Francisco Bay for example.
 
2012-11-13 12:42:36 PM

SuperJonnyC: There was a time when Texas was a Blue state, and if going by this last election there may be a shift towards it again,most of the major cities voted Democrat. I have lived here in Houston for the past 11 years and it has some of the nicest people in the country. Sure there are a lot of knuckleheads running around and one of the unfortunate things is that there are many in public office but don't be suprised to see that shift in the next decade. One of the major things to come out of this election was that minorites are voting in greater number and most mexican/americans are Democrats.

And you don't want Texas to secede. Just because there is a very vocal minority of idiots running things doesnt mean we can't work this stuff out. Just give us some time to get Texas back in good standing.


We've heard this since Dec 29th, 1845.
 
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