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(Mandatory)   Man creates intentionally awful OK Cupid profile, but uses a cute girl photo, to see how low Internet creeps would go. (Spoiler: Low)   (mandatory.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Geico, Willy Wonka, okays  
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34436 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2012 at 1:36 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-11-13 12:58:02 PM  
12 votes:

Lucky LaRue: I am not sure what the big deal is.. this type of profile is common on Fark.


I know, right? I had to remove all references to krumping in my profile here just to get farkettes to stop sending me BIE.
Pud
2012-11-13 01:39:36 PM  
11 votes:

Andromeda: xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...

I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.

/ left right then
// he still asked if we could get together for a second date


But what was your answer? The rape or 20 yrs.?
2012-11-13 02:23:37 PM  
8 votes:
Oldie but a Goodie...

cdn.randomfunnypicture.com
2012-11-13 12:49:40 PM  
7 votes:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


maybe you should put in more misspellings. tart up your picture some. you're cute, but guys on dating sites are looking for girls who look like they would be willing to touch their penis after a dinner at the "Red Loster"
2012-11-13 01:56:28 PM  
6 votes:

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.


Most women these days don't even have a bush to beat around.
2012-11-13 02:46:17 PM  
5 votes:

LargeCanine: WTF is krumping?

*uses internets*

That is a thing? Hmph.

I... I'd krump her.


Found this comment on a YouTube video for "krumping" that pretty much explains it quite adequately:

"I still haven't figured out what the hell krumping is. It just seems like being attacked by invisible bees, in an invisible mosh pit, with invisible marbles on the floor."
2012-11-13 12:06:18 PM  
5 votes:
Boy, does that bring back memories...
2012-11-13 02:16:48 PM  
4 votes:
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
2012-11-13 02:16:01 PM  
4 votes:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Location: Wichita

There, I solved your mystery.
2012-11-13 02:09:58 PM  
4 votes:
www.myteespot.com
2012-11-13 01:51:49 PM  
4 votes:
I had to look up "Krumping" ...

"...which is a backronym for Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise,[3][4] presenting krump as a faith-based artform"

"Krump was not directly created by Tommy the Clown; however, krump did grow out of clowning.[1][7][10] Ceasare Willis and Jo'Artis Ratti were both originally clown dancers for Johnson but their dancing was considered too "rugged" and "raw" for clowning so they eventually broke away and developed their own style.[2] This style is now known as krump. Johnson eventually opened a clown dancing academy and started the Battle Zone competition at the Great Western Forum where krump crews and clown crews could come together and battle each other in front of an audience of their peers"

So... hardcore clown dancing for god? Why have I not heard of this before!?
2012-11-13 01:49:38 PM  
4 votes:
I think I just found his real profile pic:

i758.photobucket.com
2012-11-13 08:22:09 PM  
3 votes:

Poorlytoldjoke: screwzloos: I tried the OKCupid thing for a while. I answered the 2758 questions, and commented on all of them. After I got through with that, there was one girl with a 94% match, and nobody else over 55%. She was pretty, easy going, educated, and articulate. She liked spicy food and had a cat.

I got the courage one Friday after work to message her, and she logged in that night at 1:31AM and checked out my page. Sadly, there was no reply. Every night, she would log in between 12:30AM and 2:30AM, but she never looked at my page again. Two weeks after the initial message, I tried again. Then two weeks after that. Then two weeks after that.

After the last one, her account just disappeared. She didn't just block me, as googling her user name didn't come up with any results anymore either.

It's been six months since I almost met someone. Sometimes I wonder what I could've done better, but it's best not to dwell on the past. I deleted my account shortly after to help get my mind onto other things.

I don't know why, but this creeped me out to no end.


It's like "You've Got Mail" and "Requiem for a Dream" had a baby and they beat it to death...
2012-11-13 04:24:57 PM  
3 votes:

Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?


www.marketingpilgrim.com
bonjour
2012-11-13 04:12:38 PM  
3 votes:
memories of depraved hijinks of the mid to late 90s courtesy of the internet:

"You didn't sleep with her, did you? Why did you do that! Don't you know she's crazy and the state took her kids away?" her roommate said.

"No, right now go tell your husband how many pills you took. No! Go tell him right now!" I shouted into the telephone.

"Can you just give me a bj so I can go home?" I slurred drunkenly so she did.

"Well...you know...we didn't say we were dating exclusively," the foxy redhead pouted.

"You like it dirty, don't you?" the same redhead had asked previously. She was right.

"I don't know," I said. "It just feels weird getting high with your dad and little brother while your mom watches wheel of fortune and sucks on her oxygen mask." "Would it be better if I give you head?" she asked, already clawing at my zipper.

"So what time is your husband home?" I asked, wide-eyed at all the photographs of him around the house in his Marine uniform.

There were so many more but those are the bright spots that stick out right now. good times...good times.
2012-11-13 03:32:00 PM  
3 votes:

Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.


Or, you can be a jerk when she acts squirrely, tell her about the fake after-date you're about to have, and see if she changes her tune.
2012-11-13 03:23:06 PM  
3 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Seriously. How farking hard can this truly be?


Hey, we're on there. Search for "open" and "polyamorous" in profiles.

\ only half kidding
2012-11-13 02:48:38 PM  
3 votes:

Fark Rye For Many Whores: It's a little bizarre that an adult would choose to include the fourth installment of a children's movie in their profile name for a dating site, but I digress.

Surely you jest sire. Go talk to HelloKitty1 - HelloKitty839845, SpongeBobsAngel - SpongeBobZenaPrincess and then talk to me.


So TeenWolfToo isn't a good username? Dammit all to hell
2012-11-13 02:23:44 PM  
3 votes:
I once posed as a 15 year old girl and tricked a 30 year old internet creep into shaving his head. That was pretty effin' epic.
2012-11-13 02:07:30 PM  
3 votes:
The amusing part is that profile isn't that bad... a large number of people are actually that stupid these days.

There are real profiles that are worse than that fake one.
2012-11-13 02:02:08 PM  
3 votes:

Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?


Bloodninja

There ya go.
2012-11-13 01:54:54 PM  
3 votes:

Reyvacs: There is no way "Rob Lee", the article author, isn't a woman. These are all "OMG look how dumb and inappropriate this girl is! And guys still try to hook up with her?! News!"

There are only two types of men: Those that would try to hook up with that, and those that wouldn't, but absolutely know that some guy out there would.


and the difference between the two can be measured in BAC.
2012-11-13 01:48:31 PM  
3 votes:
WTF is krumping?

*uses internets*

That is a thing? Hmph.

I... I'd krump her.
2012-11-13 01:40:42 PM  
3 votes:
Pffft, amateur.

I was doing this in '09 with a "dream girl" profile and just shooting guys down. It was a blast.
2012-11-13 12:51:36 PM  
3 votes:
I am not sure what the big deal is.. this type of profile is common on Fark.
2012-11-13 12:27:40 PM  
3 votes:
Hey, chili, krumping, and interpretive dance are my passions as well!
2012-11-13 03:50:17 PM  
2 votes:
Profile advice

Just be yourself.

And after everyone refuses to date you, simply acknowledge that you'll die alone.
2012-11-13 03:21:35 PM  
2 votes:

Wettner: I didn't find anything wrong with the profile. Mispellings can be over looked, krumping can be learned, and chili is universal. But I would have thrown a flag on the field at the IMs. Clearly someone looking to get a rise.

BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!


Seems to me that without a penis your whole life would be ruined, not just your "online experience"
2012-11-13 03:08:18 PM  
2 votes:

I should be in the kitchen: One night my then-roommate and I were bored and took eHarmony's free personality test and at the end, we both got the message "we're sorry but we are unable to match you to anyone at this time." Rejected! Probably because we're both atheists and neither of us want kids, EVAR.


Sounds like you and your roommate should have scissored.
2012-11-13 02:54:06 PM  
2 votes:

Tom_Slick: Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com

I've really wanted to create a fake profile using Old Testament ideals and see what kind of response I would get.


Children: None - I had two daughters but one was rude to me so I had her stoned to death, and the other I sold to my neighbor in exchange for a cow.
2012-11-13 02:53:27 PM  
2 votes:
Despite its flaws, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was quite entertaining and the juxtaposition of the concept alone warrants its inclusion into any "favorite movies" list.
2012-11-13 02:37:33 PM  
2 votes:

12monkeys: I once posed as a 15 year old girl and tricked a 30 year old internet creep into shaving his head. That was pretty effin' epic.


Ha ha! Joke's on you! I was going to shave my head anyhow.
2012-11-13 02:24:46 PM  
2 votes:
Honestly, the part that was most disturbing to me was the casual way in which she mentioned being date-raped by her cousin and the way the guy just kind of compared it to going trick-or-treating.
2012-11-13 02:16:48 PM  
2 votes:

Rent Party: I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."


I've had a lot of 2-date relationships with girls I met on match. Generally it's me buying them dinner, followed by them not putting out. Meh, no chemistry. I did have luck with an intelligent young stoner in a doctorate program, but when she spontaneously told me she was a crazy pyromaniac, I stopped responding to her texts.
2012-11-13 02:12:44 PM  
2 votes:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Gym membership comes before dating site membership.

/flames incoming!!!!

Naw just being serious though. I try not to be really really superficial, but there is the crazy/hot line. With the cat pics, you're showing waaay too much crazy for your hot level.
2012-11-13 02:09:50 PM  
2 votes:
Article writer, tries to write fake profile making the girl sounds stupid.

writes profile that just sounds like a normal girl.
2012-11-13 02:09:29 PM  
2 votes:
This is why I only bang fat chicks with daddy issues that I meet on FetLife.
2012-11-13 02:07:01 PM  
2 votes:
That brings back memories of Fugly.com. Actually, Fugly is how I found out about FARK.com.
2012-11-13 02:04:06 PM  
2 votes:

ISO15693: So... hardcore clown dancing for god? Why have I not heard of this before!?


So I thought you were making shiat up. I went to wiki.

I... I don't even know what life is anymore. I'm adrift. What. The. Fark.
2012-11-13 02:01:24 PM  
2 votes:
browse through that profile a little and make sure you aren't getting ready to message an illiterate part time prostitute with a rubber arm and a history of vehicular crimes.

Mom?
2012-11-13 01:58:44 PM  
2 votes:

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.



Well, he seems to be giving her that option, anyway.
2012-11-13 01:56:16 PM  
2 votes:
The saddest farking thing is that I read the fake profile and it didn't really stand out as any worse than others I've read. Youtube comments come to mind...
2012-11-13 01:46:11 PM  
2 votes:
"At home from the docter. Had to get my arm refitted. Are u a Lakers fan?"

Amazing
2012-11-13 01:45:59 PM  
2 votes:
Hey, any chick that digs Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is ok in my book.
2012-11-13 01:44:37 PM  
2 votes:
LOL..man...that was a riot. Told the dude "she" spent Halloween getting finger banged by her cousin, had a c-section, and agreed to sex for 45 bucks but her mom had to drive her there. LOL..And they STILL went for it. Jeez...wonder how many farkers were on that list.
2012-11-13 01:43:26 PM  
2 votes:
Hobbies: internets, cat
Likes: chillin, warming up
Dislikes: walks on the beach due to prehensile toes, black licorice
2012-11-13 01:41:39 PM  
2 votes:
Nothing is too low for Fark.
2012-11-13 01:39:07 PM  
2 votes:
as low as it takes.
2012-11-14 10:01:46 AM  
1 vote:

Lusiphur: But that's absolutely ludicrous. So she had a bad experience. It happens, it's incredibly rare, and making any kind of life-altering decisions based off of this one incident is stupid to say the least


Oh, and you're full of shiat. I described one incident. I have a whole portfolio of others. In fact, I don't know a single woman who has lived in a city for any length of time without a dozen stories like this. Every 20s-30s age woman I'm friends with has at least one story of catching men actively masturbating in public (generally public transit) while being stared at, and several were then followed from the train.

Just because you'd like to imagine that these kinds of things are isolated doesn't mean that they actually are. They don't get reported to the police because no actual crime occurred, but they're just part of life for women living anywhere outside of small town podunksville.

It farking kills me that the same culture that blames women for "asking for it" when they get raped because they didn't take enough precautions AT THE SAME TIME thinks it's ok to laugh off the reasonable fears of women and our attempts to keep ourselves safe as being "paranoid."
2012-11-14 12:03:14 AM  
1 vote:

kxs401: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.

"I was great. You loved it."

So weird, that's what I say after sex.


You've been reading Oglaf again, haven't you?

/so very, very nsfw
2012-11-13 08:28:37 PM  
1 vote:
Plenty Offish

Says it all.
2012-11-13 06:35:34 PM  
1 vote:
It's almost like the content of the profile isn't important if it's an attractive person...

*palmface*
2012-11-13 06:09:10 PM  
1 vote:

groppet: Theonceovertwice: tlchwi02: Theonceovertwice: Ferrets scream "crazy lady" too. I could always go with ferrets.

yeah but rodents can be pretty smelly, and you can't totally cuddle with them like a cat or dog.

I just need a dog.

You could just get a bear. As far as I know there has never been a crazy bear lady.


Because she's dead.
2012-11-13 05:44:07 PM  
1 vote:
I use this little guy and my OkCupid browsing experience is far better these days...

OKCupid Bullshiat2English filter
2012-11-13 05:26:11 PM  
1 vote:

Shazam999: Well, to be fair, he tried to push her head down to his crotch in hour two.


Hey, if it works once, what's 99 slaps to the face?
2012-11-13 05:23:58 PM  
1 vote:

thecpt: Rent Party: because women don't give a shiat about cars

But that's the thing, they really do. Girls I know who don't seem to be superficial are able to identify cars by their model year if the car is in the upper echelon of common cars (BMW, Mercedes, Audi, etc.) Let's just say I didn't come across this attitude until I moved to CT.


I lived in Charlottesville VA from '05-11. In that time I had two Porsches, a BMW and an old Crown Vic.

The Crown Vic was the only one the girls ever mentioned that they liked. It was "champagne" colored. They thought it was hilarious that it was the same type and color as many local taxis.
2012-11-13 05:10:22 PM  
1 vote:

Saiga410: When I unlock the passenger door and open it for her she shure as schucks owe me to lean across the car to unock the drivers door.

/that was my test when dating way way back when


I always lean across and unlock the driver's door, even 10 months in. I'm not about to be lulled into a false sense of security in this relationship.
2012-11-13 05:04:11 PM  
1 vote:

groppet: Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites

You can be the family crazy cat lady. Im in the line for the job of weird uncle groppet.


I fell for a crazy cat lady - despite me being a dog dude.

My pit bull actually gets along with her 3 cats - after trying to herd them for the first while. Seeing them chill next to each other is downright strange but the critters have found a nice peacefulness.

also Theonceovertwice i'd give you a hug if i could, maybe even sing Soft Kitty for you.
2012-11-13 05:02:27 PM  
1 vote:

WhippingBoy: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway. But women today want it both ways: the guy has to do everything by the code of chivalry, and she still won't hold up her end.

Holy crap, are you for real? If you want to pay for her food, hold open the door for her, etc., feel free. But if you do so, she certainly doesn't "owe" you anything.


When I unlock the passenger door and open it for her she shure as schucks owe me to lean across the car to unock the drivers door.

/that was my test when dating way way back when
2012-11-13 05:00:35 PM  
1 vote:

theesir: Bullseyed: Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.

Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.

You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!


I'd make out with him for some hockey right now.
2012-11-13 05:00:00 PM  
1 vote:

Freudian_slipknot: Bullseyed: Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.

If you think paying for things entitles you to any kind of physical intimacy, just save yourself the time and hire a hooker instead. You'll be less disappointed.


If women don't like chivalry, they shouldn't put it on a pedestal.

Always remember, chivalry is based on the concept that women are property, not people.
2012-11-13 04:57:15 PM  
1 vote:

thecpt: Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

[www.marketingpilgrim.com image 403x340]
bonjour


Good example. The girl is so shallow she won't date anyone who isn't a model. She saw his picture online and was ok with going on a date because he claimed to be a model.
2012-11-13 04:55:15 PM  
1 vote:

Freudian_slipknot: Sticky Hands: Freudian_slipknot: You DO know that people not only actively lie on the internet, but even the ones who are trying to be honest are putting forth an idealized self-image?

It's not all that different from meat space life.


No, people still lie in real life, certainly.

It's just not as easy to do as it is online. I mean, when I meet up with someone for the first time, there's no way to crop his POV to make me look thinner, the way you can do in a photo. There's no way I can fake being cool because I'm actually awkward and that's obvious right away. You see the way I dress and you know something about what I prioritize in life and how I spend my money.


Not being a fashionista is typically looked at positively. I do hope that you don't go out in sweats or scrubs though, that's just plain rude. I don't think cool can be faked online, in face I suspect that is one thing that is easier to fake IRL, for example right this very moment I'm doing drugs, saying swears and wearing shades... yet my posts are horrifically nerdy.


Hell, even the way I greet a person is going to give away how much interest I have in them, and vice versa. It's pretty easy to tell if the guy I'm meeting is looking me in the eye and actually listening or just putting up with it long enough to get laid.

Oh, and I can tell if you're lying about your height. I'm not super picky but damnit I'm 6' tall and I don't want to date someone I have to bend over to kiss. So don't lie and tell me you're 6' when you're only 5'8" at most and 85 lbs soaking wet or I'll pick you up and toss you into traffic on my way out the door.


I think you should look into dating some hardcore KISS in the 70s fans. It would open up your dating pool, and them boots is badass.

Also get into dwarf tossing, you appear to have had enough practice to rise straight to the top.
2012-11-13 04:55:09 PM  
1 vote:

theesir: You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!


She picked up the creep factor from him and wanted nothing more to do with him. I mean, we're on an anonymous internet forum and multiple people have picked up his creep factor without even being in any sort of close proximity to him. But yeah, free hockey! (miss the nhl)
2012-11-13 04:49:53 PM  
1 vote:

Bullseyed: Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.

Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.


You announced the $250 tickets before the date was set? Of course she was using you... I mean Free Hockey!
2012-11-13 04:48:43 PM  
1 vote:

Sticky Hands: kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.

wait... so if more guys had this attitude the rest of us wouldn't have to pay for dates?


We wouldn't have to pay for dates, but they'd be with women who are too afraid of cooties to kiss someone on the first date.

Reminds me of the time I went out with this heavier chick. She wasn't that hot but tried hard (makeup, dressed nicely) and tried to pick something I'd like (a college comedy christmas skit SNL type show). It was nice but was more of a friend vibe, but when she wanted to make out I went for it because it was the polite thing to do.

She still tries to contact me to see if I want to go out again though. I don't block her on facebook because I'm not rude.
2012-11-13 04:44:32 PM  
1 vote:
There are some things I'd like to point out here.
1. This girl is dumb enough to let me sleep with her.
2. This girl is dumb enough to believe that I have a twin brother.
3. This girl is dumb enough to believe that at some point I will be unable to locate that twin brother.
4. This girl is dumb enough to leave me alone at that point since I am not the brother that she wants to see.
Why wouldn't I talk to this girl?
2012-11-13 04:43:28 PM  
1 vote:

kxs401: Bullseyed: If a guy pays for food, holds doors, picks her up, etc. She pretty much owes the courtesy of a kiss anyway.

Guys, when a woman is absolutely insisting on paying her own way on a date? This is why. This attitude right here.


Because kissing is scary for little kids who are afraid of cooties.
2012-11-13 04:40:54 PM  
1 vote:
What decent looking, halfway sane, single girl has a hard time finding a date in real life? Think about it. Women get hit on in grocery stores, parks, dog walks, social events, anywhere a guy can find someone, they'll get hit on.

Now ask yourself, what damaged, broken, horrifying woman has to resort to online dating to find someone. "I've got 8 kids". "Seriously, my herpes outbreaks are totally controllable". Get the picture?

Online dating is a last resort for women. EVERYTHING is a last resort for men. Why are people surprised at this?
2012-11-13 04:39:34 PM  
1 vote:

Theonceovertwice: God, I'm so f*cked.

/single
//female
///not on any dating sites


Probably so not f*cked based on the outcome of most dating site "dates".
2012-11-13 04:38:55 PM  
1 vote:

Bullseyed: Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.


If you think paying for things entitles you to any kind of physical intimacy, just save yourself the time and hire a hooker instead. You'll be less disappointed.
2012-11-13 04:30:05 PM  
1 vote:

Antimatter: I met my current GF online as well, same site, and well, sleeping together took some time. She was very conservative with such things, and actually gets creeped out if people she doesn't know well try to touch her.

Once we got really comfortable with the idea, we started to sleep together, and now she has no issues related to it.

I honestly don't regret having tow ork for it, even after we started dating. Was very worth it in the end.


Just want to be clear: I wasn't going for a full on, throw you on the hood of the car and do you make out... just a simple kiss. Got fish lips. If you go on and on about how you love hockey and you see the $250 per ticket thing on there and you cant be bothered to give a 3-5 second no tongue smack, you're not worth it.
2012-11-13 04:22:18 PM  
1 vote:

Rent Party: Is it clean? Do you keep it washed and in good running condition? Or does it have chicken nuggets stuck between the seats and a passenger area that has to be cleaned out with a shovel. That is the determining factor for "nice."

If you're fresh out of college, then you should drive something appropriate for someone fresh out of college, but that doesn't mean you have to be a slob about it, and you don't have to drive something outlandish. You can pick up Joe's Firebird pretty cheap, but I wouldn't recommend it. If it looks like a piece of shiat, your potential fresh out of college mates will probably go for the fresh out of college kid that at least takes care of his car.


I have the lowest maintenance lowest flash car that is the 2002 Saturn SL1. Its silver so no washing necessary unless I go off roading (can't happen as I have a whopping 100hp. The only mess is papers and hardhats in the back due to my job. I just don't understand the severe fixation on cars when there are much more important things to spend your cash on. Beer, cool apartment, and tv/pc are my fixes as well as treating school debt like I gain levels with every payment I make.
2012-11-13 04:22:05 PM  
1 vote:

Freudian_slipknot: Remember, when you go on a first internet date you're afraid she might be fat or boring. SHE is afraid of being raped and murdered.


I accept your theory as plausible. She claimed she was new to internet dating because her friends were making her because she usually meets frat douches.

Not my problem to wait around while she gets over her mental issues though. If she's not ready, she shouldn't be dating.
2012-11-13 04:08:04 PM  
1 vote:

dj_spanmaster: Or, you can be a jerk when she acts squirrely, tell her about the fake after-date you're about to have, and see if she changes her tune.


More or less. By that point I had already learned to date 4 or 5 girls from POF at a time, so I really didn't care. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone for it at the end.
2012-11-13 04:02:06 PM  
1 vote:
I created an AWFUL profile, and used a "faces of meth" woman as my profile picture... and this gets TONS of hits.

i.imgur.com 

You'd think they'd realize it's a mug shot.
2012-11-13 04:00:25 PM  
1 vote:
My roomate suggested I should try online dating. Probably because Ive hooked up with a few of her friends. It's her fault though, she invites 18-24 yr old girls over they run around in booty shorts and yoga pants yeah im not gonna flirt with em then. Ill jsut sit in my room and bate.
2012-11-13 03:52:44 PM  
1 vote:

WhippingBoy: Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.

You expected a kiss three hours after meeting this woman? Maybe she was picking up on your "creep" vibe...


Well, to be fair, he tried to push her head down to his crotch in hour two.
2012-11-13 03:51:01 PM  
1 vote:

notdorothy: recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out


Oh man. I feel for you. Everything has changed since 1997. If something happens to my wife, I swear I'm finished. I wouldn't even go there again.
2012-11-13 03:47:59 PM  
1 vote:

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?

Bloodninja

There ya go.



How in god's holy name has this trove of hilarity eluded me all these years?

Jesus-fark, I am completely embarrassing myself at work. That is the funniest goddamn thing I have read this year. Easily.
2012-11-13 03:44:33 PM  
1 vote:

notdorothy: recently divorced
haven't dated in 15 years
You people are freaking me out


Hey baby... I'm not like all the other guys...
2012-11-13 03:44:24 PM  
1 vote:

Rent Party: OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.

Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.


This is completely wrong. Any guy can put a picture of himself up in a shirt--you want to show her that you're willing to bare it all, so a pair of cutoff jeans AT MOST. Also, you want her to know you have good taste in vehicles, so take a picture next to your truck or motorcycle. In addition, you'll want to weed out the liberals beforehand, and a subtle way to do this is to pose with your guns--even better, also with a freshly killed deer. Oh, and when you write them, and ask if they're ready to party, it doesn't matter if 99 girls out of 100 don't respond. Only takes the one!

[In all seriousness, all of the above has apparently been included in the profiles of men that have contacted my female friends online]
2012-11-13 03:42:05 PM  
1 vote:

Rent Party: OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.

Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.


That sounds like a lot of work. biatching about how shallow women are is a lot easier.
2012-11-13 03:39:45 PM  
1 vote:

Bullseyed: I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.


This. Accessibility trumps compatibility when compatibility wants to play hard-to-get. Here's a hint... if you've been chatting on the dating site, calling or texting for more than a day or two, might as well consider the first date the second one, since you've likely burned through all of the getting to know each other chatter by this point. You don't have to fark the guy right then and there.... but if you want to play hard to get and make him work for even a bit of encouragement after the hours upon hours he's already spent putting himself out there and taking an interest in you.... don't be surprised when he says "fark it" and goes home with the waitress.
2012-11-13 03:35:41 PM  
1 vote:

OgreMagi: I've basically given up on online dating (and dating any other way). With OKCupid and POF, women's expectations are way too high. They are expecting a greek god millionaire that is ten years younger, so guys like me - your average looking middle age guy (ok, I'm being kind to myself) with a decent income (but not a millionaire) doesn't stand a chance unless I'm willing to date hugely obese women (who list themselves as "athletic" or "average"). No thanks. 

Oh, and women complained about guys not taking the time to write a long introduction. That's because after dozen times of spending forever to write the perfect message and getting no farking response at all, not even a "thanks but no thanks" we get a bit frustrated.


Try the following.

Shave the goofy beard and mustache. Dump the convertible. Get a short haircut and buy a nice sedan. An Audi or something. And buy a house if you don't have one. Point is, you want to look like a professional and not a mid-life crisis pimp.

Then do the following on your next date. Do not talk about yourself unless asked, and keep all answers under two minutes. Ask only questions about her. Do not talk about politics, ever. No fart jokes. No penis jokes. Never mention an ex or how hard it is in the dating world. Point here is that you want her to think you're comfortable in her presence, and not a simpering noob.

After, ask if you can call her again. If she says yes, wait three days. If she says no, then thank her for the experience and find a new one.

If you have a job, practice good hygiene, and can carry on a conversation there is no reason at all any man can't date successfully.
2012-11-13 03:29:21 PM  
1 vote:
I did some POF when I was in grad school. I was working at a big company and would get hockey tickets that were $250+ in face value (aka best seats in the place). Found a girl on there who said she loved hockey and was on the college lacrosse team.

She wouldn't let me pick her up but instead asked me to meet her at a nearby bar before the game. When I got there she said she'd meet me at the arena instead. We went to the club in the VIP level before the game, but she didn't want any food. We talked and had a pretty good time. After the game we were heading to my car when she decided to bail, and acted really awkwardly when I went for a goodbye kiss.

That's why guys will end up going for girls like the one in the fake profile. You can go all out for a quality girl and she'll completely shut you down, or you can go for the dumb easy girl who will be very appreciative of your effort, even if you're not a perfect match.
2012-11-13 03:28:58 PM  
1 vote:
Ladies, I have the requirements in my profile. I may be willing to bend on the knowledge of physics equations, but there's no reason for you to not root for the Georgia Bulldogs and/or know the Fresh Prince theme song.
2012-11-13 03:28:39 PM  
1 vote:
...Um, this is surprising? That feels like looking at your average Facebook conversation, although I'll admit the profile is spectacular even for teh interwebs. But really, I go on Omegle and get the same level of competence with basic English.

/Scientists don't call it 'textspeak' to be cute, it's honestly managed to confuse the folks whose job it is to tell whether it's English or another language altogether.
2012-11-13 03:26:48 PM  
1 vote:

KatjaMouse: I took self defense and I remember the first lesson wasn't kick 'em in the balls or scream fire. It was walking with your head up, shoulders back, and move your hips as if you meant business.


It works wonders, for men as well. You give off cues that say you are competent and not to be farked with, far less people will. Also you generally increase your situational awareness by doing such things which means you can avoid trouble better.

When the police advocate "Refuse to be a victim," they aren't being snarky, they are offering advice based off of many years of crime statistics. The way you act, the way you present yourself to your surroundings can have a profound effect on how you are treated.

That, and strapping an AR-15 to your back :).
2012-11-13 03:25:57 PM  
1 vote:

dj_spanmaster: CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: "I'm looking for an honest man who's not looking for sex"

Seriously. How farking hard can this truly be?

Hey, we're on there. Search for "open" and "polyamorous" in profiles.

\ only half kidding


But I don't do the internet dating thing... the 'search' buttons don't work that way in person.
2012-11-13 03:25:29 PM  
1 vote:

KatjaMouse: Aidan: KatjaMouse: Aidan: No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."

It was more in response of what sounded like an individual woman who may, or may not, have reeked of desperation to get an internet date home just as the drinks were ordered.

It's all good. Except for those damn weeners.

WEENERS! *shakes tiny fists*


*shakes tiny weeners*

The shiat I put up with...
2012-11-13 03:22:14 PM  
1 vote:
Not surprising at all. Plenty of guys try to count coup with women, and they go for the ones that are too dumb to see through their BS.

A pretty, young, but dumb girl? That's not a turn off for your average dating site dude - it's a turn on!
2012-11-13 03:16:41 PM  
1 vote:

InmanRoshi: My best friend and I decided to try online dating thing together as a dare, and we both me the love of our lives and future wives.

Meanwhile, my wife's best friend after a long string of a-hole boyfriends decided to give online dating a try and has had nothing but bad experiences. My wife has even stood over her shoulder and suggested profiles for her, but eventually the same scenerio always plays out. Any guy who seems half way intelligent and has his shiat together immediately gets lumped in her "lame/boring/pathetic" category (he's already got one strike against him simply because he's online dating) . If some guy writes in the the persona of an obnoxious a-hole and seemingly has the stare of a serial killer, he gets put in the "promising" category.

Moral of the story: If you have a really bad intuition about people, online dating isn't going to save you from your bad tastes.


Moral of the story: if you're a bad person, you'll meet bad people, whether online or at bars.


I remember when they did this study a while back. They had serial killers and other criminals look at video footage of people walking away (in other words, from behind). Some of the people were victims of rape, etc and some were random people. The "targets" selected by the serial killers were nearly 100% of the ones who had actually had crimes committed against them.

Some people are victims. They bring it upon themselves and open themselves up (lulz) for bad people.
2012-11-13 03:14:02 PM  
1 vote:

Aidan: KatjaMouse: Aidan: No, no. I get why he responded. Even I did the quizzical dog thing at your Weeners, which sounded like "Gosh some women are weird" instead of "Gosh some people are weird for thinking that some women are weird."

It was more in response of what sounded like an individual woman who may, or may not, have reeked of desperation to get an internet date home just as the drinks were ordered.

It's all good. Except for those damn weeners.


WEENERS! *shakes tiny fists*
2012-11-13 03:10:05 PM  
1 vote:

LargeCanine: WTF is krumping?

*uses internets*

That is a thing? Hmph.

I... I'd krump her.


You just about matched my intended post, word for word...

"krumping"? This is a word? This is a thing???
2012-11-13 03:05:22 PM  
1 vote:
A friend of mine did this, but used a picture of an extremely handsome man.

The number of dumpy, over-the-hill, ham-beasts out there who feel that they're entitled to the hottest guy possible is truly impressive.

I never thought I'd say this, but thank god I'm married...
2012-11-13 02:59:54 PM  
1 vote:

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: I met one person on okCupid. Train wreck all the way.

I can deal with a nerdy single mom that's way into costuming and other comicon/ren faire stuff.
Couldn't deal with the clingyness, disinterested mothering, medical issues, incurable STD's and assorted neuroses.

Her friends were awesome, though.


I flat refused to get involved with any woman with children. I always appreciated when they would put pics of their kids in their profile. No time wasted at all!

I mean really... Your KIDS' pics on a dating site?! Yes yes, center of your universe, only thing that matters, etc. How about you log off the dick-browser and go be their mom?
2012-11-13 02:55:47 PM  
1 vote:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


The problem seems to be carbohydrates.
2012-11-13 02:55:26 PM  
1 vote:

Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com


Anyone else see the Farmers only dating website commercials on ESPN? I thought it had to be a joke and then it keeps coming back on. Talk about a strange demographic...
2012-11-13 02:55:17 PM  
1 vote:

Zeb Hesselgresser: "Cousin fingering has to be a no no"

there you have it


since when?

/um...i mean...gotta go!
2012-11-13 02:52:54 PM  
1 vote:

JackieRabbit: One woman suggested we go to her place and get naked just after I had ordered us a second drink. I politely declined and couldn't stop thinking that she was setting herself up for a Looking Mr. Goodbar ending.


No but she probably had a crawl space stuffed full of bodies.
2012-11-13 02:51:14 PM  
1 vote:

Saiga410: If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com


At work now. Can I have a bite sized paraphrase?
2012-11-13 02:50:35 PM  
1 vote:
If you think this is bad you should check out the nastyness that is christiansingles.com
2012-11-13 02:49:59 PM  
1 vote:
Hey wait, she look

Andromeda: xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...

I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.


Well?
2012-11-13 02:44:31 PM  
1 vote:
Rejecting people is a privilege for the beautiful people. The internet has made a digital bastardized version for the rest possible.
2012-11-13 02:43:53 PM  
1 vote:

KatjaMouse: After my somewhat success on OKC I referred my sister to trying it out. 1) the more clever interesting guys who seemed perfect on paper, cute and had witty profiles that messaged her never got responses back. Because she was too overwhelmed with responding to other guys who were mostly just awful people. 2) she'd come home from awful dates and b*tch and moan about how there are no decent guys while I would open up profiles from the reject pile and scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)

Basically she used an algorithm that literally did all the hard work for her and she ignored every suggestion.

But I guess that's what happens when you have low self esteem.


I generally share this observation.

My best friend and I decided to try online dating thing together as a dare, and we both me the love of our lives and future wives.

Meanwhile, my wife's best friend after a long string of a-hole boyfriends decided to give online dating a try and has had nothing but bad experiences. My wife has even stood over her shoulder and suggested profiles for her, but eventually the same scenerio always plays out. Any guy who seems half way intelligent and has his shiat together immediately gets lumped in her "lame/boring/pathetic" category (he's already got one strike against him simply because he's online dating) . If some guy writes in the the persona of an obnoxious a-hole and seemingly has the stare of a serial killer, he gets put in the "promising" category.

Moral of the story: If you have a really bad intuition about people, online dating isn't going to save you from your bad tastes.
2012-11-13 02:43:18 PM  
1 vote:
It's a little bizarre that an adult would choose to include the fourth installment of a children's movie in their profile name for a dating site, but I digress.

Surely you jest sire. Go talk to HelloKitty1 - HelloKitty839845, SpongeBobsAngel - SpongeBobZenaPrincess and then talk to me.
2012-11-13 02:41:22 PM  
1 vote:
i911.photobucket.com
2012-11-13 02:41:10 PM  
1 vote:

lordargent: In my case it's

Find 95% match.

Send intelligent e-mail.

Get no response whatsoever.


Did you mock the notion of God, pretend to like jazz, correct others' trivial mistakes, reference Kafka, and refuse to argue?
2012-11-13 02:39:51 PM  
1 vote:
I wish I met Stray Cat Strut online or in person once she was 18 or older. Damn you're cute.
2012-11-13 02:37:44 PM  
1 vote:

DeathCipris: Underage juggalo *shudder*


Must not go search for, must not go search for,

Was it as bad as the Juggalo Baby Funeral?
2012-11-13 02:35:48 PM  
1 vote:
And I thought hitting on Asian girls who clearly don't speak English was bad. Srsly what could you possibly have in common
2012-11-13 02:34:14 PM  
1 vote:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


You would have much better luck if you liked krumping. Also, you should offer to touch a guy's penis for $45. If you do those two things, you'll have more luck.
2012-11-13 02:34:14 PM  
1 vote:

KatjaMouse: scream "OMG THIS GUY WROTE IN HIS PROFILE THAT HE WOULD TOTALLY KILL A FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS DREAM WOMAN BY WATCHING OLD STEVE MARTIN AND MONTY PYTHON MOVIES!" (editor's note: she's a fan both those things)


How you doin'

/How about Fawlty Towers and the Young Ones?
2012-11-13 02:32:36 PM  
1 vote:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


You are cute...did you stop bringing up getting fingered by your cousin? You should stop that and start krumping...
2012-11-13 02:30:56 PM  
1 vote:

corygavinjones: "At home from the docter. Had to get my arm refitted. Are u a Lakers fan?"


Brass. Arm is definitely better with more brass. And with a larger magazine.
2012-11-13 02:30:23 PM  
1 vote:

Stray Cat Strut: Brings back memories. I remember having a profile on hotornot (or some such site) when I was literally 15 or so and the sheer volume of pervs who wrote me despite me admitting my age was disgusting. I was 15 though so I thought that made me hot shiat. Reading through that made my skin crawl a little.


www.allmystery.de
2012-11-13 02:24:24 PM  
1 vote:
I actually laughed out loud at this at several points. Well done, Internet. Well done.
2012-11-13 02:23:38 PM  
1 vote:

chopit: Rent Party: I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."

I've had a lot of 2-date relationships with girls I met on match. Generally it's me buying them dinner, followed by them not putting out. Meh, no chemistry. I did have luck with an intelligent young stoner in a doctorate program, but when she spontaneously told me she was a crazy pyromaniac, I stopped responding to her texts.


The easiest way to get rid of a woman is to tell her she's not the only one. Right after my divorce, I would have at least two, and as many as five on the hook. None of them knew about the others, as that would be just bad manners. I would always preface the first date introductions with "I'm just taking things slow and checking out the wading pool again." If one got clingy or crazy (and don't knock the pyros until you've tried the pyros) I'd simply let it slip that I had a date with a different woman later and can't see her that night. Then she gets to be all outraged and break up with me.

The trick to getting anyone to do anything is to get them to think it was their idea.
2012-11-13 02:23:07 PM  
1 vote:

gingerjet: Met my partner of 10 years over an online service so I'm getting a kick.


Oh? What line of work are you in?
2012-11-13 02:22:34 PM  
1 vote:
That's why you have to have class: "Excuse me, miss, but I couldn't help but notice your mouth was empty."
2012-11-13 02:20:39 PM  
1 vote:

cheap_thoughts: I write a halfway intelligent profile, and rarely get messages or profile views. Clearly I'm doing it wrong.


Well, there's your problem. You need to cut out all that shiat about your job at the BAU.
2012-11-13 02:20:05 PM  
1 vote:
"Cousin fingering has to be a no no"

there you have it
2012-11-13 02:16:26 PM  
1 vote:

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.


Literally.
2012-11-13 02:12:37 PM  
1 vote:

NCg8r: Ummmm...... that's not so outrageous as, well, I'm gonna go with Representative... of the average online profile.

I met my girl on PoF but it took a ton of sifting through the garbage to find her. Seems that every obese single mother is looking for a man to treat them like a princess (while being VERY clear that they won't waste time talking to men who are interested in sex with their new girlfriend).


They also hate cheaters and liars.

ANd want you to have a good jerb.
2012-11-13 02:09:20 PM  
1 vote:
2012-11-13 02:08:07 PM  
1 vote:
The picture is not severely overweight, and the profile doesn't spend every section talking about how she hates men and that her bastard baby is the center of her life. Yes, the girl portrayed is illiterate and insensitive, but she's energetic and no doubt interesting to have around - for entertainment value if nothing else.

Hands down, that's so much better than any single women from here.

I'm not at all surprised that the guy got a bunch of replies. I probably would have replied too, if I hadn't already given up on dating entirely.
2012-11-13 02:05:48 PM  
1 vote:
I loved online dating. I never pulled more tail in my life than when I had an account on the pussy catalog known as "Match."
2012-11-13 02:05:38 PM  
1 vote:

Bit'O'Gristle: Anyone have the chat room troll that posted years ago? The angry pirate one?

/anyone?


This one

And another, same guy 

/nsfw language......
2012-11-13 02:05:31 PM  
1 vote:
My okcupid profile has always been a copy of my Fark profile, so I'm getting a real kick outta these replies.
2012-11-13 02:05:10 PM  
1 vote:
Wait.

We are shocked that men will sink to startling depths to get with a cute girl who isn't that bright? This surprises us? This is (not) news?

Where is Rick Romero when we need him?!
2012-11-13 02:04:03 PM  
1 vote:

Ehcks: I've only met one person on OKCupid. All I can remember about her is that she's a gluten intolerant vegan who's even less outgoing than I am.

Introverts don't mix well.



The only one I've met through there contacted me. She's a Doctor of Ancient Crap at the local university and, at 40-something, was too baby-crazy to notice that I'd plainly stated that I can't/won't make more babies. When I made that clear, she basically bolted.

Never got a chance to stick my dick in the crazy.
2012-11-13 02:00:36 PM  
1 vote:
The author doesn't seem much brighter than the profile he faked, what with feeling the need to provide play-by-play descriptions of the profile and chats that you've just read for yourself.
2012-11-13 01:59:40 PM  
1 vote:

Wettner: BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!


Strange, that chick stalked me relentlessly, I ended up having to burn my computer and move out of state. She was into some dark and twisted stuff...what a whore.
2012-11-13 01:58:17 PM  
1 vote:
I only read a bit, but it looks like they weren't "creepy" as much as they didn't give a damn that she was an idiot. They kept talking to her and treating her as a serious prospect despite her being a complete moron one would avoid in normal life.
2012-11-13 01:57:44 PM  
1 vote:
This is so incredibly frkking stupid I don't even know what to say. First off you are a frkking loser if you have nothing better to do than make a fake okcupid account pretending to be a dumb girl. Secondly, everyone already frkking knows how low guys will stoop when they are trying to snatch some snatch. Ok I'm done but fuk all of you, really.
2012-11-13 01:56:41 PM  
1 vote:
I did this before it was cool. Hell, there are plenty of women intentionally doing this on that site. It's a messed up system of frustrated people trying to do it "right" alongside average people spamming (successfully) for hookups.
2012-11-13 01:55:36 PM  
1 vote:

Pair-o-Dice: "Can I cum in your mouth or your pussy?" Dayum, dude doesn't beat around the bush.


Noob. Never ask, just do.
2012-11-13 01:54:35 PM  
1 vote:
I've only met one person on OKCupid. All I can remember about her is that she's a gluten intolerant vegan who's even less outgoing than I am.

Introverts don't mix well.
2012-11-13 01:53:37 PM  
1 vote:

Stray Cat Strut: Brings back memories. I remember having a profile on hotornot (or some such site) when I was literally 15 or so and the sheer volume of pervs who wrote me despite me admitting my age was disgusting. I was 15 though so I thought that made me hot shiat. Reading through that made my skin crawl a little.


I'm figuratively 15 so it evens out. How YOU doin'??
2012-11-13 01:52:53 PM  
1 vote:
I didn't find anything wrong with the profile. Mispellings can be over looked, krumping can be learned, and chili is universal. But I would have thrown a flag on the field at the IMs. Clearly someone looking to get a rise.

BTW, I sent jenny90210@aol my penis back in the day and she NEVER got back to me! That biatch ruined my online experience!!
2012-11-13 01:50:34 PM  
1 vote:
Hahahaha. Oh man.

"long story but i hit a man he's ok i hope"
2012-11-13 01:44:19 PM  
1 vote:
Ummmm...... that's not so outrageous as, well, I'm gonna go with Representative... of the average online profile.

I met my girl on PoF but it took a ton of sifting through the garbage to find her. Seems that every obese single mother is looking for a man to treat them like a princess (while being VERY clear that they won't waste time talking to men who are interested in sex with their new girlfriend).
2012-11-13 01:43:52 PM  
1 vote:
This just in: most guys looking through dating sites just want to get laid.

Story at 11.
2012-11-13 01:42:51 PM  
1 vote:
heh.... "baited"
2012-11-13 01:42:39 PM  
1 vote:
Sort of reminds me back when something awful used to create fake world of warcraft characters and troll the guys hitting on them.
2012-11-13 01:41:41 PM  
1 vote:

Andromeda: xanadian: Boy, does that bring back memories...

I know the feeling *shudders*

I had an Ok Cupid profile back in my single days, and I don't think I met anyone actually worthwhile through it. Weirdest one was a guy I thought would be worth meeting, then over a drink to prove some point about why feminism is bad he asked me if I'd rather be raped or sent to jail for 20 years.

/ left right then
// he still asked if we could get together for a second date


sounds like he was on the path to enjoy both.
2012-11-13 01:39:06 PM  
1 vote:
This is why I pick up women in dive bars. Pretty damn funny though.
2012-11-13 01:39:00 PM  
1 vote:
This makes it seem like you'd have to go out of your way to find out how low Internet creeps will go.
 
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